I Wrote Some Poetry About Autism When I Was Younger But Now Looking Back On It I Don't Think I Really

I wrote some poetry about autism when I was younger but now looking back on it I don't think I really liked acknowledging the fact that I was disabled by my autism. If anything I was desperate to prove how undisabled I am and now that I'm older and having more frequent meltdowns I'm starting to think I have some sort of complex around accepting the fact that I am in fact developmentally disabled

Booktok romance books scare me somewhat. Why is it sexy to have a guy take your birth control out as a form of foreplay?????

That and I made the mistake of reading Coleen Hoover books. They have the exact same formula of angst sex angst sex and then woah happy ending no one saw coming even though they have a toxic relationship. The only redeeming one that I read was “It ends with us” and even that one made me uncomfortable and not the way she wanted us to be if I had to guess

That's all for tonight folks :)

AAAAAAAAA

Growing up female is traumatic. From a young age I remember being terrified that I was going to be harrassed because I had developed faster and more obviously than my peers. Even now I shudder at the idea of having to bend over in front of men of any age. I got catcalled twice at 17 by other boys my age. I couldn't drive and I was waiting for my mom to come pick up from school and two boys from inside a car at the pick up line yelled something sexual at me. I will spare you the deals but despite my false bravado and real rage I felt nothing more than embarrassed and ashamed once they had left. I had rumors around my sexual life even before I had a serious relationship of any kind and I had male friends who had found me being sexually innocent funny. The things they'd watch and openly show me was nothing more than disgusting yet the idea of exploring my sexuality and then finding out I was bisexual had me ashamed because I thought that they would be weirded out

I can go on but I won't