Having Now Seen The Sea Beast And Some Reactions To It: I Think It Is Actually Very Important And Meaningful

having now seen the sea beast and some reactions to it: i think it is actually very important and meaningful that the story didn’t have maisie become like a sea monster biologist! i think it’s really important that they decided to simply stop interacting with the creatures at all and leave the deeper waters to them. i think people forget or aren’t aware of the ways science and scientific pursuit has propped up or been used as a justification for imperialism and expansionism and colonialism. it’s not a neutral profession or goal. of course for us, the audience, it would have been really fun and cool and interesting to learn more about the creatures and maybe even see humans bonding with them, but that’s really not in line with the message of the movie and it’s honestly refreshing that they went that route.

simply cannot ever resist what i call the little mermaid or the tin man or the pinnochio plot, the one about a character who is either inhuman or human but outside in some way, constantly searching for whatever it is that they consider to be the quintessential proof of humanity, preoccupied by it so deeply that they fail to realize the proof is in the act and fact of the search itself

language has bias in it; and often we don't recognize it unless we're very close to it.

i am funny. i feel confident about that. my brother will make the same exact jokes i make - and he is called funny. i'm more often called "sassy", despite the fact i rarely actually talk back. i don't even use sarcasm as much as he does - if you actually look at the jokes i'm making, i am not sassy. but i am femme-presenting.

i googled it once. it is supposed to mean lively, bold, feisty. all of these are less demeaning than the ever-feminine sass. it feels kind of stupid to be annoyed by that simple word.

i'm a nag, also, if i'm being honest. i nag. in my body, nagging is whenever i remind someone repeatedly to do something for me that they are not-doing-currently. in the past, with boyfriends, i've felt myself become hyper-annoying. "please," i'd say. "this is the third time i've asked this week. please just do the dishes. i don't have time in the morning." this is nagging.

i can't actually feel comfortable with the idea i might be smart. i often say i'm clever or fast or quick-witted. i will shrug and say i'm well-read and i got lucky in education. smart people are doctors. smart people don't choose an art as their career. smart people don't look or act like i do. and they don't let their life be ruined by their adhd, not like i have, i know that for certain.

it came to my attention about 10 years ago that there's a racist paradigm in writing of lightness/whiteness as "pure" and darkness/blackness as "associated with crime". i had just gotten out of high school and hadn't really been exposed to critical reading yet. i took a long look at my own work and started to be very, very careful about what descriptions i applied to "good" and to "evil." it was important to me to continue this research - to make sure that i actually listened to what i was saying; and how i was saying it. i won't always be aware of the connotations/origins of a word - there are thousands - but i always take the critique whenever one i missed is shown to me. i understood - okay, this is the work that i should do and take care in. and the work is ongoing. there is no "final line" to undoing one's societal learning.

but. despite all this. despite all the academic application and the research and the logical actual knowledge: i allow the language inside of me.

i know i'm not pretty. i know i am also not thin, i'm average (which is to say, to most people - i'm not pretty). i am not graceful, delicate, or "wife material". i am shrill and grating (feminine connotation), i am loud (feminine connotation), i am immodest. i am a feminist (which is to say, to most people - i am going to cause a problem on purpose).

i know each of these might not worry other people - they can be loud on purpose. they have a roguish charm - there's no such thing for them as being immodest.

a few days ago a person i had just met gave me a strange look, laughing at something i said. "you know," he cocked his head, "for a woman, you're really... brazen."

there are people out there who would have taken that as a compliment.

Just finished watching The Sea Beast and this is all I have to say.

Crying again thinking about how we are made up of all the people we’ve met before. All the little habits we accidentally steal from people we love. I had a friend who really loved cherry limeades from sonic and gave me one and now it’s the only drink I get there. I haven’t talked to them in years. I noticed yesterday my grandfather stands with his hands clasped behind his back the same way I started to. I also noticed close friends of mine start standing the same way and it makes me feel so loved and connected to them. I can’t think of any more examples but this all has me pondering what it really means to be immortal. How pieces of us will always live on with others.

it is somehow reminding me of that time in a Billboard interview where Tiffany Young was asked to give an advice to Bangtan members and she said, "Your band mate is the only person who will understand the process, [.....]" and it stems from the fact that the deep & understanding kinds of connections and friendships most members of the bands have, came through a form of trauma bonding and shared experiences. of course it wasn't the sole reason but it did play a role.

mina le said "trauma-bonded" to describe the kind of relationship most boyband (can apply to girlbands too) members have with each other and honestly it makes so much sense, how come that adjective never came up to me before seeing how sickeningly tiring and traumatic the manufacturing culture of these boybands and girlbands is in almost every music industry.