Blackwater776 - Untitled

Sex stuff you probably won’t learn from fanfiction and/or porn:

Erotic fic and porn can be a lot of fun! But if you aren’t being provided with adequate sex ed through other channels (comprehensive sexual education, frank and open discussions with trusted adults, etc.), turning to fanfic and porn for your understanding of sex is gonna leave some major blindspots and may leave you with some unrealistic expectations. While there’s nothing wrong with these kinds of erotica, they are fictional and tend to leave out a lot of the more realistic, human parts of sex - they serve a great purpose, but that purpose isn’t primarily educational. The following is an incomplete list of some things you should probably know about sex that a lot of fic and porn tends to leave out:

It isn’t always super hot or super sweet. Sometimes it’s super silly. Or sometimes it’s sort of mundane and you’re both simply scratching an itch. That’s fine too. (Hell, sometimes you’re talking about comic books while boning and your partner is laughing that you’re getting REALLY ANGRY about spider-man while they’re going to town on you.)

You will probably not climax at the same moment. It’s a sweet idea, but extremely hard to coordinate, and if all your concentration is going into coming at the exact same moment, you’re probably not enjoying yourselves as much as you might. 

Sometimes bodies make weird, goofy noises. Squelching, slapping, air-escaping, un-sexy noises. It’s okay to laugh at this. 

Hell, it’s okay to laugh during sex in general.

Sometimes you fart. Sometimes you fart while someone is going down on you and it is embarrassing as hell. This isn’t the end of the world. Embarrassing body things happen. Heck, sometimes, with anal, there’s a little poo. You get over it.

Sometimes sex is… kinda bad? This doesn’t mean it’s assault, or something traumatic – sometimes it’s consensual but just kinda bleh and not what you hoped for. The best thing to do (if you’re talking about sex with a partner and not just a hook up who you can not call back) is talk to them about it. Figure out what went wrong, what you enjoy and what you don’t, and communicate what techniques you do and don’t like. Also don’t be afraid to stop someone in the middle of the sex act you’re not enjoying and offer guidance on how to help make it good for you too. (Side tip: masturbation makes great research into what you personally do and don’t enjoy sexually)

You won’t enjoy every sex act. Not every body is wired to find every thing pleasurable. You might find anal does nothing for you. You may find g-spot stimulation just makes you really anxious that you’re about to pee. You may not enjoy giving or receiving oral. You’re not broken if you don’t like something that every pornstar or smutty fanfic protagonist seems to have earth-shattering orgasms from. Everyone’s got nerve endings in a range of places – it’s quite literally, different strokes for different folks.

On that note, not all orgasms are earth-shattering. Sometimes it just feels warm and nice. That’s fine too. 

Sometimes, if you’re neutral on a sex act and your partner loves it, you can suck it up for them, and they’ll suck up something they’re not crazy about for your pleasure in return. But communicate preferences with each other! Know that when a partner does that thing you love that they don’t get much from, that it’s an act of care, and vice versa. 

Falling asleep in each other’s arms right after wild passionate sex seems really romantic, but dried and crusty fluids are gonna be a bitch in the morning. Also, after sex, you should both (regardless of your equipment) go pee to clear out the urethra of any gunk or bacteria to reduce risk of a UTI. 

Putting a towel down on the bed before sex means you don’t have to sleep on wet funky sheets. (it’s also verrrrrry useful for period sex if you or your partner menstruate.)

A lot of people don’t like dirty talk, or rough sex. Always ask first. (Fanfic on the whole does a better job than porn at showing communication, but a lot of it is still highly fictive on this point)

PROTECTION PROTECTION PROTECTION. Use condoms, dental dams, etc. not just to prevent pregnancy, but to reduce risk of STIs. (Yes, even couples with the same genitals who don’t need to worry about pregnancy).

Lube is great and very important, but random goopy things around you are not good lube. Random oils especially, since oil doesn’t flush out well and can trap bacteria inside the body – oil-based lubricant also degrades condoms. Use lube specifically designed for intimate purposes. Water-based and silicone-based lubes help sex feel really good!

Bigger isn’t necessarily better. A lot of people with vaginas don’t enjoy the feeling of being repeatedly punched in the cervix by a monster cock. Some people enjoy a larger size when being penetrated by an appendage or toy and some don’t.

Bodies are hairy. Genitals are hairy. You may get a pube stuck in your teeth at some point. If your partner is WAY fuzzier than porn ever led you to believe they’d be, well, that’s normal. 

Not everyone loves the taste of ejaculate. Sometimes it’s nasty (flavor tends to vary from person to person depending on their diet, but sometimes you just really don’t like it no matter what. Some of us hate the taste of peanut butter. People don’t always like things). It’s okay not to swallow, or to request a penis-having partner warn you so they don’t ejaculate in your mouth (in fact, it’s polite for them to do the latter). 

If you’re gonna have shower sex, get one of those rubbery mats for the shower floor that gives you traction, because otherwise it’s super embarrassing to call for an ambulance while dripping wet and naked because you slipped and accidentally broke something and your partner got a concussion while you were trying to bang in the shower. 

Moaning and screaming wildly during sex is fun but it will make the neighbors in the apartments adjacent to you hate you. Make choices accordingly. 

Friendly reminder that Fred and George literally tried to murder another student for trying to take House points from them

Like I know we apparently don't give a damn about NPCs in Harry Potter, but it's insane to me how no one acknowledges how fucking vile the Weasley twins were

(unrelated but it's also very funny how self-righteous Fred and George acted over Percy being a "git" and how they were convinced of their own moral superiority because they were on the good side, when I'm convinced Percy would never have done something so horrible)

Same goes for Harry and Ron mind you. The level of apathy and cruelty they demonstrate is CRAZY like they legit do not give a fuck. And yeah, I wasn't much better than them as a teenager when it came to people I didn't like, but surely that is something that should be addressed by the narrative?? By anyone? Hermione gets like 0,5 brownie point for suggesting that maybe they should tell someone (YES??) but considering she does jackshit about it that doesn't exactly endear her to me

Despite how many times Slytherin is said to be the evil house while Rowling glorifies the Gryffindor House (and she absolutely does, there are many examples in the books), the murder attempts between the two houses have been pretty one-sided (Fred&George to Montague and Sirius to Snape, not to mention the Weasley twins and Sirius were both 100% unapologetic). Well, Crabbe did try to kill the trio in HP7 , though 1) it was in the context of the war, they weren't exactly students anymore, and 2) the event is treated with the appropriate amount of horror for the situation

I think it's really fucked up that no one seems to find it a problem or even remember it but hey that's just me!

The disproportionate hate on YQY is doing more to kill any scant sympathy I had for SJ than anything else

tbh i dunno why so many sj apologists are anti-yqy. because like????? he is your mascot. he was the originator. the head honcho of excusing sj's levels of unmitigated villainy. look into my eyes and tell me that qi ge wouldn't blush and kick his feet if he saw xiao jiu commit murder. actually we don't NEED to imagine bc jiumei did just that and yue qi just grabbed his hand and ran, no thoughts head empty. arson? child abuse?? yue qi doesn't care. whatever makes xiao jiu happy <3

The most tempting thing in the world.

I’m gonna write meta about how SJ is a jerk who doesn’t deserve YQY to balance out all the pro-SJ anti-YQY discourse posts that keep popping up

All of this. All of the stupid headcanons and apologism are even worse when people insist he is better or secretly a good person or just misunderstood and have no actual evidence of it because the man was dead before he ever got on screen. The extras are so limited and out of date that they aren't a good view of what he was really like late in life, and what little they do show us does not tell us good things about his personality even then.

Yeah, he was a slave and that's terrible. But other people have also lived terrible things and not become a POS. That was his active choice. Trauma happens. His response to trauma is what tells us what kind of person he is. No one forced him to take it out on other people.

Also, people pretending that other people would make the same choices in the same situation? Um, no. No they wouldn't. Because they are different people and their response to the same trauma would be different because of that. Sit tf down with all that, please.

I hate Shen Jiu. Mainly bc of his "fans". They infantalize him and turn him into this uwu tsundere misunderstood poor baby, like I'm laughing my ass of imagining Shen Jiu reaction to his delusional "fans". This dude is someone who abuse a child and didn't show an ounce of regret about it. Even after being put through inhumane torture he still doesn't show any regret, if anything the only thing he regret is not killing the abused child the first chance he got. Shen Jiu will definitely hate his "fans" more than he will ever hate Binghe LOL, at least Binghe respect his agency as a person to hold him accountable for the shitty things he did unlike his "fans" 😂