Vampire Who's Married To An Archaeologist Voice: My Love, Stop Trying To Carbon Date Me

vampire who's married to an archaeologist voice: my love, stop trying to carbon date me

I know after Cazadors death Astarion explores sex/intimacy again, but that's not enough for me. I need Astarion to realize he never got to dress the way he wanted. I need an Astarion who decides one day to chop off all his hair or grow it out, I need him to move away from red and black and assume other colors like pastels or jewel tones colors. I need an Astarion who plays with different fabrics and styles maybe he tries Feminine for a while and it doesn't suit him so he goes to more of a masculine style or the reverse. I want an Astarion who plays with make up or jewelry and maybe has a signature look because he learns he can do something without it either representing Cazador or attracting victims. It's just something he likes and enjoys because he has the freedom to do so.

I love this sm OMGGG

fuck it, bg3 companions shower routine

Shadowheart: Shar hates self-care, but a Shadowheart does take pride in her hair, and a Shadowheart who has learned to be kind to herself can indulge. Long, complicated hair routine, very specific water temperature, and a tendency toward long-ass depression showers. LOVES a bubble bath and will make a whole event of it with flower petals and candles just for her. Will bring a book with a little book tray and a glass of wine.

Astarion: Similarly complicated hair routine. Gotta hydrate the curls, and being dead does not do nice things to your hair. Less prone to standing there staring at nothing while the horrors set in, but prone to scrubbing too hard. Similarly fond of a bubble bath, although without the book or flowers, although he will fuck with an essential oil heater and likes to make his own blends.

Lae'zel: Queen of the 4 minute shower. She has been accused of not even waiting for the water to heat up, but she likes it blistering. Does not actually use 3-in-1, thank you. Having fairly short hair helps. She finds the other companions baffling. Would get bored in a bubble bath unless she had company (rubber duck counts).

Wyll: Sings. If someone called him on it, he would be embarrassed, the first time, for about a minute. Neither wildly efficient nor inclined to standing there for ages and ages and prefers to shower in the morning. Washing his hair is a chance to relax and take care of himself, although before he has his family back, it can be a bit melancholy. He has fallen asleep in the bath before. I feel like he'd love a bath bomb and he'd love the full romantic evening with candles and flowers and music.

Karlach: Please, please someone boil her. Once she gets her engine fixed all the way, she tries a cold shower just to remember what it feels like and keeps up a running commentary about how much it sucks while also not turning up the temperature. Absolutely loves sharing a shower with someone and will also sing. Should not attempt her little jig on wet tiles. May try anyway. Someone should introduce her to proper hair/skin care because if anyone is using 3-in-1, I'm sorry, it's Karlach. Genuinely cannot sit still for a bubble bath unless she has company to cuddle.

Gale: Voted Faerun's Most Likely to Relitigate Arguments in the Shower, Even if He Won Originally. Loves to pamper himself, canonically, loves a spa day, also canonically. You simply are not getting the bathroom back for a good hour, although not all that time involves running water. Plays around with different products and researches the living hell out of everything. Loves a long soak. The only person with a feline in their house to ever bathe in peace. Constantly torn between wanting a book with him when he has a bath and not wanting to get the pages steamy and damp, much less actually wet.

Minthara: Her ideal hair wash involves someone else doing it for her while also having the utmost certainty that the person will not attempt to murder her. If her partner washes her hair for her, she turns into a puddle. She has an incredibly specific lineup of products. If she shares, understand that she has bestowed upon you a great gift. More about bath salts than bubbles and could be persuaded to a sufficiently elegant bath bomb (it would not be a difficult check).

Halsin: Low-flow showerhead user. Hell, he might be the kind of person to turn the water off entirely when not soaking/rinsing out his hair... However, he is not immune to the "shower together to save water" line even though he KNOWS it doesn't work that way. He needs low-scent soaps/etc considering his heightened sense of smell. And listen, this man does not fit in a bathtub unless he goes somewhere special or finds a particularly large one. He made everyone floaty ducks, properly sealed against water damage, and he has one for himself that holds his soap.

Jaheira: Understands that having a chair in the shower is just being kind to yourself and proceeds accordingly. Will revisit arguments she had that day, but despite that has a quick and fairly simple routine. She needs the water pressure to pound the everloving hell out of her back. Loofa on a stick user. Like Wyll, she has fallen asleep in a bathtub, in part thanks to having and using a bath cushion. Truly, the expert on bath-based comfort.

Minsc: Also sings in the shower. LOUDLY. Boo is allowed to sit a shelf out of the way. The best way to get him to use lotion is to give him something that smells yummy. He has similar problems to Halsin regarding fitting in bathtubs. He tries anyway. He has been banned from at least one hotspring for doing a cannonball.

YES!!! sure he's very handsome but HES EVEN MORE SILLY!!! I FUCKING HATE THIS BUFFOON (I'm gonna smooch him) 😻😻

Ok now that I've come off from my high phase I can finally love that Astarion is an idiot. Fuck his romantic alter ego, this man is a goofball, a buffoon, a theater kid and it's the best part of his character. He doesn't know shit about the world, would throw himself in the fucking flames just to see if they're hot, he's absurdely vain for someone who can't see his reflection, like he's SO convinced he's the most beautiful thing in the world it's actually hilarious (you're right pookie but PLEASE you can't even remember your face), his parents probably spoiled him shitless and constantly told him he was the most beautiful kid ever and he holds to that memory for dear life and he stands like his head is empty and he's constantly staring at some invisible loophole like a fucking hypnotised cat, he runs like Naruto and replies "mh?" if you stir him up and he probably missed the entirety of the conversation you were having with Mr. NPC.

He's literally such a menace and such a little piece of shit I wanna squeeze him until he squeaks.

It kinda bothers me when people say "This character is canonically uncorruptible" when the entire point of BG3's story is that literally everyone can get corrupted and you have to actively fight against the forces that constantly try to turn you into the worst version of yourself.

Hell the very basis of it all are three mortals who became the Dead Three. Balduran was a hero who became The Emperor. There is a whole THEME.

I'm going to start throwing hands with bw authors who constantly age astarion down so he's the younger one. It drives me INSANE. In modern human aus, he'd be 39!!!! HE'S IN HIS 40S ALMOST. Canonically Gale is 35 and I know some gale girlies make him older but PLEASE I NEED OLD MAN ASTARTION!!!!