Chris Didnt Understand The Phrase Getting In Your Own Way.

Chris didn’t understand the phrase ‘getting in your own way.’

What the hell was that supposed to mean? How can one get in the way of where they haven’t been yet? It just didn’t make sense.

Two minutes later after a 54 year old man flashed him a $100 for a lap dance, Chris suddenly wondered if the phrase was meant to say he was fat.

Oh god. Was he?

Chris quickly counted his abs. All 12 were there. Whew! That was a close call.

Chris thought to himself out loud while shaking his bon bons in the face of the flasher. “You know what’s in the way? That stupid phrase. That’s what.”

With that, the 54 year old mentioned to Chris he hadn’t said anything yet.

Chris retorted, “200. Follow me.”

And off the 54 year old went ten minutes later.

What did his neighbor Luke mean? Chris tried his best at everything. How could that possibly go wrong?

Luke put down his phone and let out a sigh. He then informed Chris ‘trying’ was exactly the problem. “Chris you were born adorable. You don’t need to be anything. Just be.”

Chris was still confused. “How come Brad didn’t get a lecture?”

Luke then informed Chris his boyfriend Brad wasn’t any more subtle or less offensive, just out of frame.

On the cusp of summer @ 12:33 pm it was already a balmy 79 degrees in West Hollywood.

A wave of heated silence permeated the side yard.

Brad and Chris’ neighbor, Luke was about to break a sweat. If this didn't scream June 2024 GayCali Calendar GURL, nothing would.

Just The Fashion Tip: Pride Edition.

Flame to put out.

Brad text the photo of him in full costume over to his agent. Was the wardrobe 20th century ironic overkill or post-post-post modern Madonna blatancy?!

For Brad to really WERQ this Dollar Store photo shoot, he needed to know the backstory behind the costume and it’s designer, as well a passable fabricated construct of the social media campaign.

Who was the creator? What drove he/her/them? Influenced he/her/them? Inspired he/her/them? Made he/her/them who they are?

After wondering briefly if he left out too many pronouns, Brad then text the words “storytelling” “impact” and “authenticity” exactly five seconds apart. While he found intention rarely mattered in life, he knew buzz words always got you places.

Sooooo… Where was that exactly?

Brad would learn from AI that afternoon it was a public pool in the Valley about 20 min from Kim K's mansion in regular heavy traffic.

Five minutes later, his agent would call to commend him for 'the richness in texture of his texts.' Apparently, contrast was everything when it came to... well, everything.

Wowsers! Being all over the place was finally paying off.

Brad would gleefully repeat the phrase ‘texture of texts’ until just before dinner when his boyfriend Chris told him to ‘cut it out’ Full House style. Brad had just enough time to research the gesture on the internet before sitting down but couldn't decipher if it was offensive until he pushed his kale salad around the plate long enough to feel full himself. Then it just clicked.

Just the Fashion Tip #185

Accessories are everything if you don’t use every thing. Choose wisely. Think sparsely.