It's A Huge Shame I Missed Her Because He Would Have LOVED A Pet That Talks Shit Back

It's a huge shame I missed her because he would have LOVED a pet that talks shit back

i asked my sister to get some pics of our cats since im at university and im going insane over what she sent

the sinister sniler and the slovenly sitter

As promised, a very quick Bagginshield drawing~

Run

this post's hypothetical by itself is already ridiculous but the thing that gets me is how the wording implies two very funny things that become funnier in tandem

1. "Accidentally, the pitcher tosses a Christian baby" means this is a mistake on the pitcher's part. i imagine the pitcher is breastfeeding on the field and they pitch and they look down at their hands and they see the ball still in the glove and they go "fuck"

2. hitting the baby will still win you the game

House starts asking Wilson a lot of questions out of nowhere. Naturally, Wilson assumes they've got something to do with House's patient, so he answers genuinely every time

And a lot of these questions don't seem to have any obvious medical relevance, and House doesn't really ask follow-up questions about the answers, but that doesn't stop Wilson from trying to figure it out

"Do you rehearse what you're going to say before you make a phone call?" Sure, maybe House wants to know if his patient's phone-call anxiety and rituals are typical behaviour or enough of an outlier to be a symptom. (Wilson answers yes, that he has a script he uses whenever he talks to patients, calculated to come across as the most empathetic and caring he can be)

"What do you value most in a friendship?" Is someone giving House a hard time about why Wilson puts up with him? (Wilson answers this one sarcastically at first, but House keeps looking at him so he gives a real answer, that he values not having to mask around House. He doesn't have to perform his persona of Friendly Doctor Wilson)

"Do you have a secret hunch about how you will die?" Maybe that's a repeat of House's patient who thought a cat could predict death

"What if anything, is too serious to be joked about?" Someone must've called House out for making insensitive jokes

He rationalises all of them, but it's only after House asks a question that sounds so un-Houselike and strange that he looks it up and realises where House has been finding these questions: he's been working his way through the list of 36 questions to fall in love

When Wilson confronts him about it, House says that he wanted to prove these questions were bullshit, that they don't work (and, secretly, House wouldn't have complained if it worked, if it made Wilson feel the same way House does)

HOUSE: I've asked you all 36 questions now, and it's not like you're in love with me, right?

[Wilson's face does Something™]

HOUSE: No. No! They don't work, they're made up. The only way you'd be in love with me now is if you were in love with me before—

Which is how these losers realise how long they've been mutually pining for each other

Something something and then they kiss