15. SLUMP

15. SLUMP

—living your entire life as a regular mortal, a hard adjustment comes into your life as you're suddenly thrown into a world of fantasy and magical beings. in a school built specifically to train magic, chaos ensues as you try to navigate through a new supernatural life.

warnings: none.

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edit: changbin.

taglist: @caratinylyfe @pikapikapikaachuu @suhnnyskiess @beaann @hyunjun-jpeg @blaaiissee @yubinism @aerastus @woozarts

mastertag: @geniejunn @leagreenly @90s-belladonna @fuzzylard @loveliebri @chimmybaek7 @todorokiskitten @lilacdreams-00 @ethereallino @ninjaleeknow @trials--error @hey-i-really-miss-you @caratinylyfe @soobin-chois @mochisnlix

thoughts and feedback pls 🤲

Vanilla

oh heart of ice and mind of gold, what am I to do with you? you are only good in small amounts, bittersweet fledgling, you are hard for most to swallow. your spirit is strong, your wit is potent, your biting essence drives even the most daring away. but why are you hiding your sweetness? I know within you, you are soft, but humanity has made you bitter. you mask your pain and sorrow with spite and sensibility. you say you do not care about trivial things, but don't you? sweetheart relax. you can let down your drawbridge, the waters are not poisoned. I know you have looked monsters in between the eyes and scoffed at them, but please, relax. you think your armor protects you but it is smothering you slowly. little owlet, when will you learn, words can only get you so far? feelings are what makes this world pulse. do not suppress your feelings. your heart can still thaw my dear. trust.

what flavor is your soul? 

by crunchycrowes on uquiz

are you bitter from sorrow, or sweet from the pain? are you salt on the tongue, or the fresh taste of rain?

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prom committee masterlist 📚

ot8!skz x reader highschool!smau - crack humour, angst, fluff

The first day of her final year at high school, and y/n has biology with Mr Park as her first lesson of the day, sat on a table with a group of people who have nothing in common and can’t really stand each other. She’s not too upset about it, though - ‘it can only get better from here,’ she thinks. Little does she know that her day (and her year) is only going to get so much worse…

a/n: guys I am so excited about this, it’s gonna be so fun! thanks to @silverlightprincess​ for helping me to think up the concept to this story and the personalities of the characters, you’re the best! I really hope you guys enjoy, please just comment or drop me an ask if you want to be added to the taglist, and also let me know what you think of each part - I like gossiping with you guys about my work! x

skz masterlist

ask my muse

part one - character introductions

part two - disaster apocalypse

part three - big boy trousers

part four - dumb and dumber

part five - feminine charm

part six - 6.5 packs of fairy lights

part seven - banned from peru

part eight - barbie

part nine - god, help me

part ten - chan and chani

part eleven - give me the strength

part twelve - simp nation

part thirteen - frosting on his abs

part fourteen - dinner with a view

part fifteen - no-neck ed

part sixteen (a) - twerk until you cry

part sixteen (b) - twerk until you cry

part seventeen - foot up his ass

part eighteen - extraordinary you

part nineteen - rob list

part twenty - knife

part twenty-one - charity work

part twenty-two - down atrocious

part twenty-three - moaning myrtle

part twenty-four - mark lee

part twenty-five - material girl

part twenty-six (a) - harry styles

part twenty-six (b) - harry styles

part twenty-seven (a) - rampage

part twenty-seven (b) - rampage

part twenty-eight - wring his neck

part twenty-nine - angsty loser

part thirty - pick up 12

part thirty-one - in cahoots

part thirty-two - move to peru

part thirty-three - alexa, play best friend

part thirty-four - batman and robin

part thirty-five (a) - blushing

part thirty-five (b) - blushing

part thirty-six - drownin and drippin

part thirty-seven - ice cream chillin

part thirty-eight - secret santa

part thirty-nine - hot girl stomach problems

part forty - test my patience

part forty-one - drank the punch

part forty-two - minho from shinee

part forty-three - pureimagination

part forty-four - another rampage

part forty-five - godmother

part forty-six - jason derulo

part forty-seven - big boy

part forty-eight - capitalism king

The imagine was so damn good and the ending was so cute!!

Two Little Horns | Masterlist |

Pairing: Minho x fem!reader Word Count: 9.3k Genre: Enemies to lovers, suggestive, college au Warnings: Heavily suggestive content, kinda intense makeout scene, use of she/her pronouns, profanity, bickering / arguing, slight physical violence (punching, shoving, etc), let me know if I missed anything

Summary: Minho never liked you, that was painfully obvious, but the feeling was mutual. You both had clawed your way to the top of the class at the dance academy and were in constant competition with each other, always at each other's throats about one thing or another. When one of your teachers has had enough of your bickering, he pairs you two together on a project that will impact your final grade. Minho's unpredictable and forward behavior only serves to irritate you, while your devilish and demanding attitude seems to only fuel his fire. Can you two sort your differences and create an entire routine together, or are you doomed to failure in the face of your discourse? What happens when feelings of disgust and hatred start to twist into forbidden pleasure? A/n: If you have time to read, you have time to reblog. I mean that in the nicest way possible, because likes do not count towards the algorithm. This has not been proofread, good luck y'all. Please send corrections to my ask box. ost: Horns - Bryce Fox

[she got horns like a devil, pointed at me] [and there's nowhere to run from the fire she breathes]

"No, no, she's doing it entirely wrong!" Minho exclaimed, standing up from his seat in front of the practice stage and pointing at you. "She's so bouncy, she's missing beats and-" "Minho." The teacher interrupted sternly, gesturing for him to sit back down. "Are you the teacher today? Should I just go home and let you take over?" The sarcasm in his voice was obvious, causing Minho to mumble a quick apology and return to his seat.

"At least I'm not as stiff as a robot." You spat from the stage, glaring at the boy that had been making your life miserable since you got here. You couldn't pinpoint exactly what had set him off, but a few people hinted to the fact that you scored higher than him on the placement test for this class. It was a feat no other student could seem to accomplish, out-ranking the ruthless top student. You were well on your way to dethroning him and he clearly wasn't happy about it.

"Both of you cut it out." The teacher corrected you as you gave a huff and Minho responded with a smirk. "Minho, why don't you come up here and join (your name). That way we can take a look at your individual styles and discuss the differences."

"I don't want to dance with them!" You both called out in unison, causing a few classmates to snicker at the pink hue floating onto both of your cheeks. Occasionally you both were on the same page and it was somewhat painful to think about how similar you could be.

"And you're not always going to like the person you end up being on a stage with, but you have to learn to get over it and be civil." The teacher had a point, but Minho was the kind of person that would make you quit a job and never look back. You'd never accept a contract if it meant having to deal with him, the constant nitpicking and sarcasm only fueling your anger.

Trudging his way onto the stage with you, you couldn't help but notice how well put together Minho looked at all times. Sure, you hated him, but you also knew how ridiculously attractive he was despite his rotten attitude. Every feature of his face perfectly placed and proportioned, his hair falling in a frame just above his eyes that were locked on you. You both stood in complete silence, staring each other down like two predators competing for the only prey in sight.

"What are you staring at?" He snapped, lowering his head slightly to adjust the angle of his gaze in an attempt to intimidate you. You knew this trick all too well, you weren't going to fall for it. There was nothing intimidating about a spoiled brat.

"You'd be hot if you weren't such a whiny bitch about everything." You responded under your breath, just loud enough for him to hear but quiet enough to not alert the teacher. If nothing else, you were brutally honest.

"Oh, is that so?" His voice was quiet and suddenly smooth, his eyebrow raised in both curiosity and suspicion as he ran his tongue along his bottom lip. Before he got a chance to take advantage of the moment, the teacher was already counting you off and you both nearly missed the beat.

"Notice how Minho is perfectly on beat? Each move beginning and ending exactly in tune with the counts. That's the kind of precision you all should strive to have." The teacher explained as the class watched him for a moment. You could feel Minho's ego getting bigger by the second, though it was entirely undeserved. "On the other hand you have (your name), who sometimes will hold a beat just a moment over the count. Now, normally this would become an issue. But if you listen closely to the music behind it, you can see that it fits perfectly to the emotions being expressed. Her body flows with the feeling of the song, which gives a lot of stage presence to something that would normally feel scripted." The class nodded, now watching you for a moment before turning to the teacher as you finished the choreography. "You should aim to be the best of both of them. Precise and passionate."

"Are we done up here?" You asked, rolling your eyes and giving Minho a shove to create space between the two of you. Just because you had ended the choreography so close to each other didn't mean he had to stay there. Stumbling slightly, he shot you a glare and moved to shove you back, though you leaned out of the way to ensure he would just bump into you instead. "Excuse me? Stay the fuck away from me." You hissed, giving him a smug smirk.

"Minho-" The teacher started, but was quickly interrupted.

"She shoved me first, did you not see that?" He raised his voice, pointing at you as your smug expression melted into a pout of pure innocence.

"I don't care who started it, you're not children. Act like the young adults you are and behave. I shouldn't have to say this to someone your age." You turned to walk off the stage, winking back at Minho as you ran your fingers through your hair. Getting him in trouble was oddly satisfying, as was irritating him right back. Two could play this ridiculous game.

"But she-"

"You know what? Why don't we make the next project a partner project? You two can work together to get over your differences." Stopping in your tracks at the instructions, you whipped your head around to look at the teacher in disbelief. As you opened your mouth to speak, he held up a hand to stop you. "You'll be getting an email with the instructions and each other's contact information. I fully expect to not see either of you in class until the due date. I've had enough of your bickering."

"But sir I-" You started.

"I suggest you figure out your issues and promptly get over them, as this will be part of your final grade. You both are far too advanced to need any more of this class until finals week. I'm sure you'll do fine."

"This is your fault!" You both shouted at each other, pointing fingers with eyes wide and panicked. More snickering from your classmates had you frustrated enough to just give up the fight, it wasn't worth getting any further punishments.

"Fuck you!" You called, stomping out of the door and slamming it behind you.

"I know you want to!" Minho called after you, following your path out the door but finding that you had already run off. He'd catch you again eventually... you did have to work with him, after all.

-----

"He's punishing both of us." Minho's voice over the phone was clearly irritated as you both read over the email together. "Give an emotionally provoking performance, but points will be docked for every move that doesn't fit perfectly within the counts." He sighed.

"That's not difficult, if you'd just have some feelings for five minutes." You scoffed in response.

"You say that like you can stay within the counts. You'll have us failing in the first minute." His attitude was obvious and you were definitely not looking forward to this project in the slightest. "And the song he chose for us? Icing on the fucking cake. It sounds like a stripper's song... the beats are so slowed and heavy. Every count is loud and obvious."

"Good thing I used to be one." Your response was instant, not skipping a beat. Sometimes you surprised yourself with your own wittiness. The extended silence followed by a concerning monotone made you giggle, though you covered your mouth to muffle it.

"Are you serious?" Though you couldn't see it, you were sure his eyes were a bit wide and he had a slightly raised eyebrow. Surely the comment would pique his interest a bit.

"Wouldn't you love to know." There was a low hum in response and you could feel your face begin to heat up a bit. "Just... meet me in the courtyard in like, an hour? We need to start putting this together."

"Yes ma'am. Should I bring your coffee too, since you wanna talk to me like I'm your servant?" The sarcasm was thick but you were ready to throw it right back at him.

"Oh, good idea. Iced latte with whole milk and three sugars, thanks." You quickly hung up before he could come up with a response.

When you arrived at the courtyard in front of the main building, you weren't surprised to find Minho already sitting on a bench waiting for you. If you were on time, he was early. Anything to show you up.

"I see you didn't bring my coffee." You smirked, shrugging your bag off your shoulder and onto the ground in front of him.

"You're an insufferable devil woman." Minho scoffed in response before reaching behind his own bag to hand you the exact coffee you had requested. "But I always keep my word." Though surprised, you gently took the cup from his hands with a mumbled 'thanks'. It was strange to see his name scribbled on the cup, even stranger that he had taken the time to stop and buy it for you. He didn't have a coffee of his own, meaning he had gone out of his way for you. This had to be a trap somehow.

"I strive to be. Glad it's working." Your flat tone seemed to irritate him a bit, his eyes narrowing in your direction as you continued to speak. "So I was thinking of some choreo on the way here-"

"There's no need for your input, I can put an entire routine together myself. I just have to figure out a way to teach it to you." He rose to his feet, taking a step closer to you.

"It's my project too, you arrogant fuck. You're going to take my input and you're going to fucking like it." You took a heavy step towards him this time, your body language shifting as your fuse was already beginning to burn. Something about your tone made Minho's blood begin to boil in an unexpected way. In any other situation, he would make a sarcastic comment and simply walk away. He had no time for such immature banter... except when it came to you. You could keep him backed into a corner all day and he'd continue to fight you, constantly searching for a moment of weakness to strike back. Something about you kept him coming back.

"My arrogance is earned. Can you say the same?" He stepped closer still, a smug smirk plastered across his face as your anger was building. He knew what buttons he was pressing and he intended to keep pressing them until you began to combust.

"If you think I'm arrogant-" You were cut off as you stepped forward, feeling his breath for only a brief moment before his hands gave a hard shove to your chest. Stumbling back in surprise, you gritted your teeth and allowed your vision to go red. A short fuse was certainly an understatement when it came to your tolerance of Minho. With a swift lunge, you placed a punch square into his chest, causing a gasp to escape him as you partially knocked the air out of his lungs. In some sick way, it looked like he had enjoyed it, a smile playing across his lips as he chuckled.

"You're a fool, you know that?" He knew exactly what he was doing. He wanted you to lose your composure, he wanted you to touch him in any way he could get you to. In a twisted way he enjoyed it, though he couldn't quite put a finger on the reason. Something about your attitude and devilish nature just got him in some way, but admitting that would be admitting weakness. Instead, he'd continue to toy with you. "C'mon, keep fighting. I'm recording all of it so I can create the choreography from it."

For someone as irritating and condescending as he was, Minho certainly was brilliant. What a better way to bring passion and emotion into the routine than to literally be fighting each other like you did on a daily basis. With a huff, you lunged at him again, this time his hand catching your wrist before you could land another blow. In response, he twisted your arm around to the side, pulling you around to face away from him before jabbing an elbow into the crook of your neck. You let out a whine that had a hint of pleasure laced into it. This was certainly a strange feeling, considering how angry you had been just a moment ago. But this was just as much a dance as it was a fight, and you knew how to flow with someone like him.

He went to reach for you as you leaned to the side, avoiding his grip as you pulled your phone out and hastily started the music. You both gave a silent, understanding look as you placed the device on the ground and turned the volume up. Once more you approached each other, steps matching the beat of the song. You reached for his shirt, pulling him close before pushing him back, perfectly in time with the count. He snaked behind you, wrapping his arm around your chest and bending you back, allowing you to fall into his grip before boosting you back up to your feet.

Out of the corner of your eye, you caught his fist coming towards your arm. Surprising even yourself, you put your hand up just in time to catch him before the impact. A group had gathered around now, both confused and fascinated by the sight. At first glance it appeared to be a childish sparring match, but the crowd was beginning to watch the routine unfolding before them. As much as it disgusted you to think about, you both were so in sync with each other that the choreography would be a breeze to work out.

"Is that all you've got?" His voice was condescending, fingers dancing up your chest and around your neck. Freezing in place, you allowed him to wrap his thumb and finger just under your chin, pressing on the well known 'safe spots' to give the feeling of a lack of air without the danger. His head cocked to the side, an almost lustful expression painted on his face as he seemed to stare straight into your soul. If anyone was the devil, it certainly had to be him.

Feeling yourself becoming lightheaded, you suddenly realized he was actually doing this... in front of everyone! He was actually giving you the feeling of being choked out and you were too busy enjoying it to stop him. Giving a quick double tap on his wrist, he let go immediately and placed a hand on your back to stabilize you as you stumbled. You wanted to say something about it, but you knew he'd simply brush it off and make you look like the fool. Instead, you wanted to get a reaction out of him that would hopefully be as dumbfounded as yours was. After a moment of skillfully moving around each other, you reached your own hand up to his neck. As you went to squeeze, a muffled chuckle came from him as he ran his fingers roughly into your hair, pulling your head back and to the side. On cue, you moved with him to avoid more pain, making it appear that this was all part of the routine and he hadn't just caught you completely off guard. As your eyes fluttered shut for a moment, you knew he was winning. His goal was to break you and you were starting to crack already.

His grip loosened and you slipped away, slightly out of beat this time but you were beginning to panic. You had to get back at him in some way, but the song was almost over. There was a lull in movement as you both contemplated your next steps, a normal part of creating a new routine from scratch. You both gravitated towards each other once more, this time with a series of hand and arm movement isolations that mirrored each other. On the last beat of the song, you brought your lips to his ear, giving a small sigh that caused him to grab your arm and let out a stifled groan. His grip dug into your skin as he tried to compose himself, both of you frozen in this compromising position for what seemed like an eternity. The sweet taste of an unlikely victory sat well on your tongue as you caught sight of the flustered look on his face. Cheeks red, eyes darting around, and breathing a bit more labored than you'd expect from someone with his amount of stamina. As you tried to pull away, his grip tightened and held you in place for a moment, presumably to give him enough cover to pull himself together. His glare returned once more as you were freed from his hold.

"I'll look at the video when I get back to the dorm and start creating a routine from there." His tone was rushed as he gathered up his phone and handed yours back to you as well. Throwing his belongings back into his bag and slinging it over his shoulder, he turned to walk away without another word.

"So that's it? You put me through all of that and I don't even get to be part of the process?" You called after him, your brain still trying to figure out exactly what had just happened between you two.

"Call me when you wake up tomorrow. We'll have a long day ahead of us." Of course he would ignore your comment, when did he ever care what you had to say? He was going to make this project entirely about him and you were going to have to force your way into it. It was going to be a long day indeed.

-----

5am sharp, you made it a point to be up as ridiculously early as possible. Anything you could do to annoy the absolute life out of Minho throughout this entire process was worth waking up at this ungodly hour. As you listened to the phone ring, you were surprised to hear him pick up after only a few seconds.

"Finally, you're awake." His voice was stern, acting as though he had been awake and ready before you called. There was no way.

"Don't act like you've been up all morning. It's 5am, get off your high horse." You rolled your eyes, knowing he couldn't see but he could certainly hear it in your voice.

"I've been up since 4, but who's keeping track, really? Meet me at the practice studio, and bring food. We'll be here all day. I assume you have nothing better to do." The scoff at the end of his remark made you want to hang up, block his number, and fail your final just so you didn't have to work with him anymore. But of course the competitiveness in you wouldn't let you, you wanted to prove to him that you could handle anything he threw at you with grace. Time to put your horns on, little devil, you've got a long day ahead of you.

Stumbling into the practice room after finishing the last bite of your bland sandwich from the student cafe, you suddenly realized what you had forgotten - your coffee. All you had was water. How were you going to put up with Minho's bullshit without some-

"Iced latte with whole milk and three sugars, right?" A smug smirk playing across his face, there was Minho with your coffee in hand. "I figured you'd be in too much of a hurry to remember." Once again you timidly took the cup, a word of gratitude uttered under your breath as you sat your bag down.

"So I'm assuming today I'm learning the choreography, then I can practice on my own? You know, limiting our contact so we don't drive each other insane?" You questioned as you sipped your coffee and began your usual set of stretches.

"You think you can learn a whole routine in one day?" Minho laughed, shaking his head in disbelief of your optimism. "I think it'll take me a week just to teach you half of it." He continued, breath hitching for a moment as you casually bent yourself backwards, back arched perfectly, just to see if you were still able to. It had been a while since you had tried to use your devilish charm to throw someone off, perhaps you should dust off your skills.

"I'll have it memorized by the end of today." You insisted, hands on your hips as you stared him down. He appeared to be slightly flustered, though it was a fleeting expression that quickly returned to that of borderline disgust at your words.

"Whatever you say, princess." There was venom in his words, but you were far too tired to care right now. His attempt to rile you up would have to wait until the adrenaline kicked in.

"It's too early to be contemplating murder, but try me again in a few hours." You retorted with a wink that shot electricity down Minho's spine. Though he would never admit it, going so far as to beat the pulp out of anyone that suggested it, your little devil horns always seemed to get the best of him. He had never met anyone that was at his level of skill and wit until he laid eyes on you. He was determined to pick and prod at you until he broke you down, much like a schoolboy teasing the cute girl on the playground until she cries. Emotions just... weren't his thing.

Hours seemed to fly by as you impressed him with your ability to learn the choreography. As much as you hated to admit it, he was good at putting together a routine that was as visually pleasing as it was challenging. He was certainly going to give you a run for your money, but that was his plan all along. If you were truly up to his level of skill, you'd pull the dance off with ease and earn him an easy A. It was a win-win situation for both of you.

"You're off count. When I pull back, you're supposed to come with me, but you're putting your foot forward on the wrong beat." Minho sneered, pointing down at your feet that were supposedly out of position. You had counted it in your head, not to mention the hours you spent listening to the song on repeat to memorize the counts. You were not wrong, not in the least bit. "Run it again."

"You're off count!" You shouted, watching him pull back an entire two counts early. Was he really going to try to blame this on you?

"I'm never off count." He scoffed, crossing his arms.

"Do it yourself, then. Prove me wrong." You braced your fist against the wall, ready to beat it on the paneling to make the counts louder in his ear. With another scoff he agreed, signaling for you to count him off. As he began the part you were debating with him, you began to bang your fist to the counts, calling them out as loudly as you could. You could see the disgust on his face, but it only fueled you more. "Three! Four! You're! Off! Count!"

"Well if you weren't making so much noise." He spat, approaching you with every intent to rile you up again. It wasn't going to work this time though, you knew you were right and so did he. Meeting his gaze and holding it hostage until he spoke again, you knew you were about to win this battle. Quite a few minutes of silence followed, both at a stalemate to see who would crack first. With a huff, Minho turned away from you. "I think we should take a break. Meet me back here in an hour." With that, he grabbed his own bag and slammed the door behind him. What a pretentious prick he was, not as perfect as he'd like to think, but too proud to admit it.

Your dorm was too far to walk back, it would take at least 20 minutes to get there, not to mention the temptation to go back to bed would be overwhelming for you. With no real friends on campus yet and nowhere familiar to go, you plopped down on the floor with your lunch and stared at yourself in the mirror. Minho was so arrogant, insufferable, and a downright headache for you. But when he was standing there, breath falling on your face as he didn't dare break eye contact, you wanted to put your hands on him. Not necessarily in a violent manner, but you weren't sure what intentions you would have. Something about him was magnetizing and you absolutely despised it.

-----

"Once more, without me this time." Minho commanded, restarting the song as you stared at him through the mirror.

"Oh, you think I'm watching you for hints?" Raising an eyebrow, you challenged his words. He certainly didn't think highly of you, did he?

"Absolutely. Nobody learns my routines in just a day." But as you danced, you were beginning to prove him wrong. Every count he mouthed was perfectly synced to your movements. You could see him watching your reflection in the mirror, his stoic figure behind you almost made you nervous. You never did like it when people stood behind you, especially people that have proven multiple times that they despise you.

"Are you willing to take any of my input yet?" You asked with an eyeroll, grabbing a towel out of your bag to dab the sweat off your face. The practice studio was always way too hot but the air conditioning was perpetually broken, go figure. Minho's head tilted slightly to the side, admiring your bravery but also curious as to what you could possibly come up with.

"I'll humor it." Giving a nod, he gestured for you to show him what you had come up with. Surprised by his willingness to hear you out, you had almost entirely forgotten what you were going to suggest.

"Ah, so... this part." You stuttered a bit, unsure of how to approach him with a suggestion as you moved your body into the pose. Some people took offense to changes in their choreography and you didn't know how he was going to react. Though you could deal with just about any reaction he gave, you were exhausted and didn't feel like having another round of yelling. "You know how it has the piano melody? If we both kinda circled each other to those down beats, we could start to lean into each other." You motioned for him to come closer to you, watching his expression carefully. His smirk was a bit different this time, though you couldn't place the emotion behind it. Just as you suggested, he leaned into you to mirror your pose. "Right, and when the music pauses, put your hand on my neck and then come back up when the instrumental comes back in."

"I see. You know the teacher gets uncomfortable when dances get a bit too... sensual. I like the way you think." Pride, the smirk was pride. He was... proud? Of your modification? He gave an airy laugh at your slightly stunned expression, his fingers dancing their way up your neck and resting on the same two spots as before.

"He wanted to make us uncomfortable working together, we'll make him squirm." Just as quickly as his hand had pressed onto your skin, he took it away and stepped back.

"Shall we try it with the music?" You nodded in response as he queued up the song, skipping through to the part in question. As you waited for the correct count, you could see the gears turning in his head. He was going to add something, change something, try to throw you off in some way. This was a game to him.

Just as you instructed, he followed your lead when you began to circle around, both of you leaning into each other and becoming dangerously close. Breath mixing in the air before you, you could still smell the hint of cologne beneath the sweat and you had to wonder what kind of person would put cologne on before a day of dancing.

"Follow me this time." He whispered as his fingers crept up to the sweet spots on your neck, giving it a light press that caused your eyes to flutter slightly. Before the pause between this pose and the instrumental kicking back in, he tugged down on you with his free hand. You dropped to your knees at the same time as him, your throat still clutched between his fingers. As soon as the correct beat hit, you used your arm to smack his away. "Very clever, I like it." His voice was sincere for once as he made his way over to his phone to pause the music. "I'll figure out a good way for us to get off the floor after that part but you did exactly what I was hoping you would do." He raised and eyebrow at you as he continued. "Keep making changes like that, perhaps you're not as useless as I thought you were." Of course every compliment had to come with a backhanded comment, were you really surprised? It seemed impossible for Minho to just say something positive and leave it at that.

"Could you possibly say something nice without ruining it? Just once?" You snapped, your glare locking with his.

"Perhaps." Grabbing a water bottle from his bag and snapping the cap open, he seemed to think on his words for a moment before taking a drink. "I don't think you've earned it yet, though."

"Earned it?" Your voice was filled with disgust, finally breaking your gaze to hastily pack your belongings into your bag. "You're so-"

"Insufferable? So I've been told." His smug tone and expression made you want to lash out but you were simply too tired. You both had been in this practice studio for almost 12 hours now, all you wanted to do was go back to your dorm and get into bed. But as you made your way out the door and down the hallway connecting the building to the outside, you began to hear rain. Peering out the window of the hallway, you could see it was absolutely pouring down rain outside.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" You groaned, realizing that you didn't even have a jacket to keep you warm and your dorm was way too long of a walk. You'd be soaked to your bones before you even got halfway there. Tired, starving, and frustrated, you could've cried if you weren't so focused on keeping up your image. Suddenly there was a jacket being wrapped around your shoulders and you nearly jumped at the sensation. Pulling the fabric close, the familiar scent of cologne surrounded you and you spun around to see Minho.

"How far do you have to walk?" His tone was soft this time, a look of genuine concern on his face as he briefly looked out the window and back to you.

"Twenty minutes, all the way to the other side of campus and then some." You sighed.

"My dorm is in the next building, why don't you come with me?" Cocking your head to the side, you wondered what exactly he was planning. He didn't like you, why would he be willing to help you? This had to be a trap, he had to be up to something. Recognizing the concern on your face, he quickly continued. "Just until the rain lets up. If you get sick and miss the final, I fail. I'd rather you be a minor inconvenience than have my grade tarnished by someone else." Looking at the rainstorm once more, you realized that you didn't have much of a choice. He was right, you'd probably end up sick if you walked home in this and that was the last thing you needed to deal with. If this was a trick, you'd just have to be the fool for once.

-----

"They usually hide from anyone that isn't me." Minho was surprised to see all three of his furry companions crawling out from under various furniture in the dorm, all vocalizing their disapproval of him being gone all day.

"You snuck cats into the dorms? I could get you expelled."

"And you snuck into an all boys dorm. You'd be expelled as well." He seemed entirely unbothered by your threat, though he knew as well as you did that it was an empty one. If he was rich enough to have his own personal dorm on the top floor, he was certainly rich enough to pay off any faculty to keep his name in good standing.

Carefully placing your bag on the floor and removing your wet shoes and jacket, you plopped down onto his bed without a second thought. You held out your hand and made a clicking noise with your tongue, an attempt to entice one of the cats to come to you. Lucky you, two of the three quickly made their way to your hand, bumping their heads against it and rubbing against your legs. A small smile tugged at your lips as one of the cats hopped into your lap, purring and rubbing their head against your chin.

"What are their names?" You asked as the furry friend made itself comfortable on your lap, enjoying the attention and gentle head scratches.

"That one is Soonie, and you've got Dori by your feet." Reaching down to pick up the third feline, he began to grin at their meowing. "And Doongie right here is very upset that I've been gone all day." You wanted to laugh at the childish voice he used with the cat, perhaps even use it as blackmail, but it was adorable and you hated to admit it. As soon as you got him alone and away from prying eyes, Minho actually seemed like a decent person. Perhaps he was just keeping up an image, much like you.

"They're probably hungry." You suggested, hand resting on the purring cat in your lap as you looked up. He reached into a drawer, grabbing a small plastic tube and handing it to you.

"Just open it and squeeze it a little, they'll lick it right out of the tube. It's their favorite treat." As instructed, you tore the plastic and gave it a gentle squeeze. Doongie leaped out of Minho's arms to join you on the bed, nearly jumping on Soonie's head. Dori was soon climbing up your legs, and before you knew it you had all the cats in your lap happily enjoying their treat. You started to giggle as they shoved each other out of the way and took turns eating. "Cats are funny little things. They'd never really admit they like someone, but look at them. They can't get enough of you right now."

"It's because I have food. Anyone can be easily persuaded with food." You joked, squeezing more of the treat out of the tube for the cats.

"Is that so? You wouldn't happen to be hungry, would you?" You snorted at his comment before realizing he was serious. Wait, was he trying to make conversation or was he actually hitting on you? Talk about emotional whiplash.

"Are you hitting on me?" You hadn't meant to ask so bluntly, but the words just slipped out in the moment. He studied your face for a moment before responding with a scoff.

"Why would I do that? We hate each other." He raised an eyebrow and gave a very knowing smirk. You were onto him, but he wouldn't come clean that easily. No, he'd make the devil work for her confession... if he would give one at all.

"But you-"

"I was simply trying to be polite, nothing more." He insisted as he got out three small bowls and filled them with cat food. As quickly as the cats had flocked to you, they were on the other side of the room meowing and pacing. As soon as the bowls touched the floor, they all began to quiet down and eat peacefully next to each other. "Fickle little things. One moment they love you, the next they couldn't care less."

Making his way towards the bed, Minho sat down in the small space between you and the headboard. As you turned to watch the cats, you felt fingers through your hair, tugging at the knots that had formed in the soaked strands. Angling your head back every time his fingers snagged, you wanted to ask him why in the hell he was touching you in the first place. You hadn't given him permission, he hadn't asked, and yet every time you opened your mouth to snap at him, the words hitched in your throat. Another snag, a bit harder this time, caused you to force air from your throat that barely produced a sound but caused your face to turn a few shades of pink.

"Oh?" His voice had a devious tone to it, quiet but clear as day. You didn't dare meet his gaze as he continued to rake through your damp hair, until he stopped on a particular knot that didn't want to come out easily. You could feel him wrap the strand of hair around his fingers before twisting his hand around and giving a good tug. Your head snapped back, spine arched, and a choked moan escaped your lips before you could stop it. This wasn't happening, right? This was a dream, a nightmare even, but surely not reality.

Suddenly his arm snaked its way around your body, grabbing at the small of your waist and forcing you around to face him. Releasing your hair from his grip and letting it fall against the side of your face, he admired the bright red hue of your cheeks and your wide, stunned eyes. Exactly as he wanted you, just as flustered as you had made him yesterday in front of all those people.

"What? A little tug on your hair and suddenly those horns disappear?" Low and smooth, his words were like rich caramel on your tongue as you found yourself pressing your lips to his. You weren't entirely sure what you were doing, your body acting of its own accord as you allowed his tongue to dance with yours and his hands to secure themselves on the edges of your hip bones. You despised him. His arrogance, his attitude, and the way he had you melting into him as he eased himself onto his back and pulled you atop him. You couldn't stop kissing him if you wanted to, you were trapped in whatever spell he had you under. A part of you didn't want to though, as you pushed your body against his embrace.

Finally he let you up for air, and you gave an inaudible gasp as you sat up straight. His hands were still gripping your hips that were now straddled onto either side of him, your aching knees holding up all of your weight. You tried to avert your gaze, there had to be something else in your line of sight that wasn't him. Failing to find a distraction, your eyes fell back onto him. You expected a smug smile, but instead were met with admiration for a few brief moments. Minho couldn't hold that kind of look for very long though, the smugness that you were anticipating was making its way across his face once more.

His hold on your hips tightened, pushing your weight down onto him and dragging you across his lap. The small amount of friction was enough to make your head spin but you needed a way out. This was your rival, your sworn enemy... what were you doing on top of him in his bed?

"It stopped raining." Your voice was a stunned squeak, eyes wide as you dropped your gaze from the window and back to him. Letting go of your hips and sitting up, his face was dangerously close to yours as he spoke.

"So you'll be going home, I assume?" His tone was nonchalant, as if you both weren't in the most compromising position that enemies could be in. You gave a nod as you quickly climbed off the bed and slipped your shoes back on. "Wear my jacket, otherwise security might spot you on your way out."

Slipping the jacket on without a word, you made your way to the door as he followed. You gave a quick pat on the head to each of the three cats and before you knew it, you were stepping out of the elevator. The walk home was a blur, but somehow you managed to pick up food on your way there and eat at least half of it before you could even get into your dorm. Collapsing onto your bed, you didn't even bother to take off your sweaty clothes or his oversized jacket. Right now you wanted nothing more than sleep, you could wash his scent off of you in the morning.

-----

Was he seriously going to act like nothing happened?

A week of practicing together, constantly drilling the same moves over and over until you were sick of seeing each other, and not one single word about what happened? How do you just... make out with your worst enemy and not even try to hold it against them?

Every day like clockwork, he'd show up at the practice studio before you with your favorite coffee in hand. You'd thank him under your breath, snarl at whatever snide remark he made, and begin your respective stretches on opposite sides of the room. But once the music started, the atmosphere completely changed. You were two very different people as soon as you began to work together, as soon as you could put hands on each other in a way that didn't compromise the images you both kept up. Ever since the rumors had started when someone caught you wearing his trademark jacket, you both had doubled down on the public displays of hatred, going so far as to schedule arguments in the courtyard just to prove a point.

But scheduling a public argument sounded like something that two people heavily in denial would do.

"You're distracted." Minho's tone was stern, staccato, and absolutely sick of you. "Don't get soft on me now, little devil. The final is in a couple days." The words threatened to suffocate you as they sat in the air, your mind racing with thoughts and not a single one of them was a witty comeback. He stared at you in the mirror, noticing the blank look on your face and began to grow concerned. "At least tell me you hate me or something, you're starting to scare me."

"That's the thing..." You started, mouth moving before your brain could catch up to it as you nearly said something you might regret. Biting the inside of your cheek, it took all your self control to not just spill your feelings out onto the floor. What was it about being alone with him that changed you? Your hatred for him was so strong that it seemed to have burned itself out.

"Don't say it. Not yet." His fingers curled around your shoulder as his voice was barely above a whisper in your ear, his breath warm on your skin. "You're far too stubborn to give up the fight now."

Your stunned expression was obvious as his lips curled into a smirk before he retreated to the other side of the room. He was casually rummaging in his bag while you were still trying to process what he had just said, the gears finally turning at just the right speed to realize that this, too, was a game. Everything was a game to him, including this absolutely forbidden passion that lived just below the surface of your mutual hatred. But in a way, he was right. Your stubbornness is what had you biting your cheek to keep a confession from rolling off your tongue, you weren't willing to crack just yet. No, you wanted to tease and taunt him right back, break him before he could break you.

"We hate each other until the final." You concluded, examining what looked like a silk ribbon in his hands. "After that, all bets are off."

"Then I fully expect you to put all of your emotions into our performance, no matter what they may be. Make me feel what you feel, and I will do the same for you." The way his eyes seemed to burn into your soul left you breathless for a moment, knowing exactly what he was asking of you. Keep a level head until the final performance, then put everything on the table once you're together on the stage. Neither of you wanted to waste the raw emotion threatening to break the surface and bubble over, you had already made the mistake of letting the feelings seep out once.

Letting the ribbon in his hands unravel, you watched with curiosity as Minho handed you the other end and began backing up until you were quite a few feet away from each other. You looked down at the silk, unsure of what new idea he was adding just a couple days before the performance. Whatever it was, you were sure you'd have it mastered in record time.

"In the last fight sequence, instead of me putting my arms around you, I thought I could catch you in the ribbon. We separate, you take one end with you, and for the rest of the routine we start to slowly drag each other in." He suggested, demonstrating how he wrapped the ribbon around his hand to shorten the length. "If you fold it on the down beats, and I fold it on the up beats, we should end up..." He paused, walking towards you until there was less than an inch between the two of you. "Exactly like this, tied together."

You couldn't help yourself as you gave an additional tug on the ribbon, bringing him that much closer to you. His composure was cracking, you could see it as his eyes fell to your lips and quickly darted back up. But you were going to play with him just a bit longer, you knew you could get him to buckle first if you played your cards right.

"With the music?" You suggested, letting go of the ribbon as soon as he began to lean in. Clearly a bit flustered at his own actions, he frantically rolled the ribbon up and tucked it under his wristband as he fumbled for his phone to start the music. Quickly skipping to the correct part, he sat the phone on the floor and joined you as you counted off.

Skilled as he was, you hadn't noticed him pulling the ribbon out of the wristband, convinced that he had forgotten about it already. Wrapping you up in the smooth silk, you quickly came up with an easier way to slip out of his grip. When it was just his arms, he made sure to keep them loose enough that you could shove them away to turn and face him, but the ribbon didn't allow you such leeway. Instead you pressed your back against his body, grabbing the ribbon as you slipped down and out of his grip, your figure sliding against his in a way that sent electricity through you. This, of course, changed the tone of the choreography. Instead of you fighting to get away, you were simply teasing the control back into your hands, a very fitting scenario at this point.

You would've been in an odd position, now crouched on the floor with the ribbon in hand when you should've been standing. But if you thought you were quick to the draw, he was even quicker, backing up with a tight grip on the ribbon that appeared to be pulling you to your feet. He was further enforcing the change in attitude, now enticing you to follow him in a game of cat and mouse. Who was going to win control by the end of the song?

When you both came together at the end of the song, breathing heavy as your eyes threatened to burn into each other, there was a moment where you realized something. You had never been able to work with someone as easily as you did with Minho. Your skills were so evenly matched and your ability to improvise was rivaled only by his ability to respond to it, unwilling to let you win any encounter you had with him. The experience had been both irritating and exhilarating, two top students fighting to outdo each other in their own project only to realize they're one in the same. As your next words left you, there was no longer any regret behind them, just a subtle hint of desperation in the moment.

"You can hate me again in five minutes." Before you could take a breath, he had you pinned against the mirror, roughly crashing his lips against yours as he gave a low sigh. The sound caused you to grab the front of his shirt in your fist, pulling him as close as you possibly could while his tongue invited itself between your parted lips. But this was the last time until the performance, you swore it to yourself. In five minutes you would hate each other again and that was that.

-----

Minho looked stunning, though admittedly he always did. You would've never told him to his face but he always looked so perfectly put together, even more-so in a flashy performance outfit. But right now you hated him, and you were about to give the entire audience a story about how that exact feeling was no longer genuine. Your dislike of him was simply an act at this point, a necessary performance until this grade was in the system and you could relax.

His arrogance was practically dripping off of him, the way he stepped so confidently towards you, his finger lightly brushing under your chin with a wink. He knew what he could do to you, but he also knew you'd be able to dish it all back to him and he loved every second of it. Your attitude was a perfect compliment to him, you were the outspoken spitfire he had always longed to have by his side and you were only a few minutes away from finally being his. As much as you wanted to act like you were unsure of how you'd handle your feelings, you knew you couldn't say no to him.

The silence before the music started was almost deafening, though you were prepared to tune out everything except the music and Minho. There was no teacher, no student audience, no cameras, no stage lights... just you and him. The teacher asked if you were ready to start and both of you nodded, nervousness melting away in the presence of each other. It was amazing just how quickly your feelings had twisted and changed.

As the music began it was like a trance, the counts echoing in your head as you made your way through every motion. With every mock punch and shove, you let your body flow into the movement to create the illusion of much bigger moves. A clever tactic to ensure that nothing was overlooked and add power to the performance, though it seemed powerful enough without dramatics. That was something you had always admired about Minho - his ability to make every performance bigger than it actually was. He didn't have to be center stage to capture attention, he would simply bait your gaze towards him with his presence alone.

His fingers fluttering up your neck to squeeze your throat had the teacher rubbing his temples between his fingers. Of course you two were going to be dramatic and obscene, he should've expected it, though he hadn't even counted on you two getting along well enough to show up for the final.

Down onto your knees you both went, eliciting small gasps from the students watching you. Some moves were forbidden, but some were simply frowned upon and avoided out of respect, and you were certainly walking a fine line being choked out on your knees. The smirk on Minho's face as he glanced at the teacher before returning his gaze to you caused your face to heat up, a pink hue sneaking its way across your cheeks, though your makeup hid it well. You had become so accustomed to his smirk that you didn't realize how much you had craved it in the days leading up to the final, having not seen him since the last practice.

The ribbon he chose for the performance was a glittery silk, reflecting under the stage lights and matching the sparkly design of your outfits. He wrapped it around your body as usual, but when you pressed your back against him and slid down, you felt one of his nails graze the skin of your neck before quickly returning to its position. Even now he was going to tease and taunt you, begging you to do the same even though you both knew you'd crack as soon as you were dismissed from the stage.

You were breathless at the end of the song, Minho's face mere inches from yours as you both were trying to steady your breathing. The lights and outfits made it impossible to perform without overheating, your forehead shining with sweat as you waited for the teacher to dismiss you. You subtly gave an extra tug on the ribbon, watching Minho's expression melt into a smile as he leaned his forehead against yours. He didn't care that you were going to be docked points for not holding your positions at the end of the routine, he didn't care that every student was whispering to the person next to them about you two, and he definitely didn't care that the teacher was scolding him as he took you into his arms.

It was all you could do to keep your composure until you were both in the hallway, the cool air from the vents feeling heavenly right now as you stripped off any unnecessary piece of your outfit. Before you could say a word to him, Minho was already kissing you like he hadn't seen you in months, his hands securing themselves on your waist. The few students walking by gave stunned expressions and frantically called out to each other about the rumors being true. But you didn't care, it was all background noise to you at this point as you melted into his hold.

"You hear that? They're all saying you're my girlfriend now." He was still struggling to catch his breath, his voice low and airy against your lips. You smiled against him, lips brushing against his and whispering your response loud enough for only him to hear.

"I mean, they're not wrong."

Wish You Were Sober ~ HHJ [Request]

⤜WORD COUNT: 3.2 K

⤜PAIRING: Hyunjin  x Fem!Reader

⤜GENRE: fluffy, angst, friends to lovers, first kiss, drunken kisses,

⤜Copyright: © DreamEscapesWriting - February 2022

⤜MASTERLIST

There were few things in the world that you were scared of, heights, open water, spiders and Hyunjin. Though you weren’t as terrified of Hyunjin as you were of the water. Okay, that may have been a lie. 

Ever since the party last week you had been terrified to even look at him or be in the same room as him. But you had your reasons! The two of you hadn’t been alone together since the incident and you could barely bring yourself to look at Hyunjin since it was all you could remember.

It was going to be hard to be around one another when you worked together all of the time. The two of you were cleaners in one of the biggest hotel’s in Busan and it sat on one of the biggest beaches which meant you were always cleaning. Every room, hallway, landing, stairwell everything. Usually, you and Hyunjin would be partners but you’d practically begged your other friend, Sana, to be the one to clean with you. 

She obviously knew the real reason you didn’t want to work with Hyunjin but she kept her mouth shut. Going along with the fact that she “needed to talk to you” while you cleaned which meant Hyunjin would be with her partner instead.

“You should tell him!” Your friend explained as you stood outside one of the hotel room doors, staring over at the elevator as he the “Him” to which she was referring left the floor you were on.

“Tell who, what?” You mumbled pretending as if you hadn’t just been watching Hyunjin like a cartoon character watching the love of their life leaving them behind. It was the same way you had always looked at Hyunjin it was only now that you were beginning to see it. 

“That you think he looks like a sculpture he made or maybe the fact that…Hmmm, I don’t know…” She trailed off before hitting you around the back of the head with a newspaper, you groaned from the folded up pieces of paper. It may not have been hard but it hurt with the force she had hit you with,

“That he kissed you!” It all rushed back to you at that moment, it was all blurry memories from the drinks you’d ingested. But you could remember it all so vividly, the feel of Hyunjin’s hands on your body, wrapping around your hips. The small kisses on your neck, jawline, then on your mouth as you continued to make out on the bed for a while.

Keep reading

Sorry, I love you | hyunjin

Pairing: ex!hyunjin x ex!y/n (feat. Han Jisung)

Genre: fluff in the beginning, tablemates, crush, angst, mentions of possessiveness, mentions of fights, heated arguments, break up, reconcile??

Rating: PG 15+ (suggestive content)

Warning: suggestive fights, suggestive possessive actions

Word Count: 12k (longest one shot i’ve written uwu)

Synopsis:“The fact that we’ve grown even further apart than we were makes me weary.” Do we still have a chance to return to how we used to be?

现在 (xian zai) | Now

What I did to get closer to you was rather,

Building a wall between us, I'm speechless.

—

-> Your pov

Frequently, 3 questions are running in my mind ever since I stepped into adulthood.

What is one encounter that left the strongest impression in your mind when you recalled your teenage memories?

For me, it is not about how well or bad I've done for my exams, not about the different friends I made and most of them come and go, not about the rebellious moments when I skipped lessons or shutting my teacher up. Yes, those are priceless moments that all of us can only do when we are young because we can afford to make mistakes.

The most memorable encounter would be meeting my first love, where we had crushes on each other, confessing to each other, falling deeper with one another and how things went out of hand, leading to a sad ending where we part from one another.

We laughed, we celebrated, we loved. We also argued, we fought, we cried and went numb. I never believed my parent's words -- teenage love are all puppy love, it will never end well until I actually went through a heartwrenching break-up with someone I used to pour my heart out for.

"You were the first person I ever loved so deeply, but you are also the first person I lost."

That was his last word before he left you for good.

What is one thing you regretted the most in your teenage years?

One thing that I regretted... would be not understanding, not empathising and not loving with him more. It is undeniable that he has his own fault, but I was not sensitive enough to fully understand what he actually wanted. I only remembered blaming him for everything he did, which irks me, but I neglected why he had done so and would be hurt from what I commented.

What makes me feel even more guilty is he blamed himself for making me feel that way, making me upset and angry, creating all the unnecessary dramas that drifted both of us apart when I was clear that I was also at fault.

There is one common Chinese saying -- 失去了才知道珍惜 (Only when you lose it then you will cherish it), and I feel that it totally explains how we feel about this painfully broken relationship. It was our first time experiencing love attraction, learning how to love, and overcoming obstacles, but we were too immature to get over that.

We thought separating would be the most ideal decision to free each other from pain. Ironically, little did we know that the actual pain comes from finally understanding our faults and regrets, all the unspoken apologies and unexpressed love as we grow older and no longer by each other's side anymore.

They said that first love is the sweetest, and the first cut is the deepest. The scar will forever be carved in my heart and hurts no matter how old I get.

What is one thing you want to tell yourself if you can rewind the time?

Please apologise and tell him how much you love him, how much you regretted pushing him away and how much he means to you. He loved you with all his heart and soul, so please forgive him for everything he did and show him that you love him too. Don't be stingy to express them, because it is what he needed the most from you, that nobody can provide him with the same warmth and affection as you do. He had protected you with all his life and what have you actually done to reciprocate that?

When can I deliver the 4 unspoken words that I desperately want to let him know?

"Sorry, l love you."

—

-> Second person pov

"Y/n! Isn't this you and Hyunjin when we were in our last year?"

Alumni were invited back to your high school to have a gathering, and they have specially set up a gallery for all of you to walk through. You were initially hesitant to attend because you didn't dare to face your ex-first love if you were to bump into him again.

Your best friend managed to convince you, and despite turning up for it, your eyes still wandered around frequently, trying to spot the familiar body frame that you missed for 4 years. Anxiety lingered around your heart because you were trying to mentally prepare yourself, hoping you would not make a fool out of yourself when you meet him again.

Walking down the memory lane, you saw many nostalgic pictures hung across the wall, smiling foolishly at yourself when you spotted an unglam picture that you took with your best friends during a sports carnival. Your smile was frozen until you heard that name that it is unforgettable and how much it stings your heart even after 4 years.

It has been a long since you mentioned or even heard about him. How has he been doing? Has he been doing fine? Has he found someone better than you?

Piles of questions left unanswered in your brain as you walked over to your best friend's side, catching sight of a picture where both of you were wearing the school uniforms, hugging each other and smiling blissfully under a huge tree located in your high school.

It was the happiest day you ever had in your whole 18 years of life because both of you confessed to one another after having major crushes since middle school.

Coming back to the tree, it was reputable for fulfilling students' wishes when they tied their handwritten notes onto the branches. Nevertheless, both of you also tied your own wishes onto the tree.

Tears started accumulating around the brim of your eyes as your gaze stayed on the picture that became worn off. You still remember clearly how your form teacher sneakily took a picture of both of you and teased you for a good 1 week. To your surprise, you didn't expect her to pin up the picture in this gallery.

A picture speaks a thousand words. Those memories that you wanted to bury deep inside your brain so badly started replaying like a documentary again.

起 (qi) | Initial

To be just friends, you're too beautiful,

To just stay as friends, I know I'll regret this so,

I know I'll regret, so I decided to express my feelings,

I want to be more than just friends.

—

~ Spring 2018

"Welcome back to school, my dears, it is the last year of high school, which means national exams are coming. Also, I am pretty sure you guys have already mingled well with one another, so that means I can shuffle the seats, right?" Your homeroom teacher greeted all of you with her signature warm smile, immune to the dreading faces of the younger ones.

Not claiming the title of being the teacher's pet, you always somehow get better likings from your teachers despite your calm demeanour. You were not a chatty, gossipy girl that shares different tea in the morning or a rebellious girl that flunks studies or bullies other people. Staying on the neutral stand wouldn't make you offend anybody and reduce being the protagonist of the various dramas airing in school.

The only thing you are concerned about is your results, your wellbeing, your loved ones, and last but not least, your long term crush that lasted for the past 5 years from middle school. Miraculously, you have been in the same class with him since you met him till now.

"No objections? I will spin the wheel now," she continued on with her new game and rearranged everyone's seating arrangement. Perhaps it was a school reopen luck, you get to sit with your crush after being in the same class for 5 years.

"Hi! I think you already know me, we are tablemates now!" His joyful and welcoming expression painted more colours to your new year new day. Despite your heart beating at an insane speed, you faked a small smile as you didn't want him to think of you as a materialistic girl if you were to flash your white teeth at him.

It isn't your usual style at all.

"If I can't even remember you after being in the same class for 5 years, I should be visiting the doctor to get a full-body check-up," you joked while packing your textbooks under your table, hearing a light chuckle from the latter.

"I didn't know your humour is on the next level, nice knowing that," he placed one of his hands to support the side of his head, sitting slightly slanted to look at you until your homeroom teacher called for his attention. You smirked at him before flipping to the last page you were at, tapping your pen on the paper as you hear Hyunjin going on and on with his grandpa story.

Was he ever this talkative?

Both of you didn’t take a long time to get close to one another. Almost all your classmates were surprised by how the 2 least talkative people who got arranged to sit together started to talk endlessly in class. The chemistry between both of you was vigorous, including your feelings for him that increased exponentially overnight.

The relationship between you and Hyunjin felt like a drug — addictive and underlying toxicity. Both of you couldn’t get each other off your mind, despite putting on a calm facade. The passion flaming inside both hearts is crazy to the extent that both can appear in each other dreams that none of you mentioned.

You always thought that your feelings for him were a one-sided love, oblivious to the fact that he fell for you earlier than you did. Neither one dared to bring it up until the feelings started to overflow and suffocate him.

Before he decided to confess to you, you began to sense that something was different about him. The rate of coincidentally bumping into him in your neighbourhood rose, he always somehow appeared when you needed help, he would protect you at all costs — preventing you from getting injured in many cases, replacing you to receive detention when you forgot to bring your textbooks, buying you food when you didn’t have time to eat, taking care of you in class when your period came etc.

Although there were many questions you wanted to ask him, you didn’t have the courage because you were afraid that you were maybe just overthinking or misunderstanding his intentions.

What if the precious friendship is broken after you asked him the most burning question, “do you like me?”

So you ended up swallowing them back and down your throat.

Friends surrounding you and him were asking if both of you were dating, but there wasn’t an exact answer given to them because both of you are still between the fine line of close friends and lovers. Nonetheless, all the friends were sure that both of you would end up together one day, and that must be the most successful relationship they have ever witnessed.

That was what all of you thought.

There was one day when you remembered you didn’t sleep for nights due to overwhelming stress as exams were around the corner, you fell asleep in class. Hyunjin agreed to cover up for you so that the tutor would not scold you, and he did an excellent job. As you were still groggy in your sleep, you felt your eyes get darker. You assumed it was Hyunjin who tried to avoid sunlight shining at you so you could have a better sleep, so you decided to continue closing your eyes and get more rest.

Your mind was still hazy between sleep and awake, but one thing you could confirm was that you felt something soft and warm touch the corner of your lips. It stayed there for a while before leaving, making you lowkey still want more of it.

Many options ran in your already awakened mind, and the verdict was — his lips. No matter how much you tried to convince yourself it was not that, the sensation you felt clearly pointed towards his lips. As your brain searched for the answer, you felt a strand of hair tucked behind your ears, followed by a gentle caress from a warm hand.

It’s him. It’s definitely him.

Your burning question started rising again, and you decided to confront him then. Opening your eyes, you saw your tablemate froze in his action as he looked into your eyes while the warm sunlight shone on his flawless face. He looked like an angel.

“Perhaps…do you like me?”

That question was audible enough for both of you to hear, including the racing heartbeats that deafen whatever the tutor spoke.

I don’t care if we won’t be friends anymore after this, i just want to know the answer.

“What if i say yes?” he uttered softly under his breath, gazing at you as if you mean the whole world to him.

“Hyunjin, off to detention for 4 hours now,” you jumped from your seat as you immediately sat up straight, knowing that your tutor had caught him red-handed for talking in class. He sighed softly before exiting, leaving you hanging from the conversation that was cut off.

Since then, both of you started to drift a little apart and didn’t talk as much as before. It wasn’t because you didn’t like him anymore or he annoyed you, you just couldn’t bring yourself to look at him like how you used to be. You were able to be comfortable with him because you thought he only treated you as a close friend, for which you were already grateful enough. But with the knowledge of him having a huge chance of developing feelings for you, how can you face him when there wasn’t a defined label of the relationship?

Sometimes you felt like he was just kidding with you that day because he didn’t take any further actions afterwards. You were confused as hell about his feelings towards you, but you were too pussy to probe him more. Likewise, for him, he thought you didn’t like him and hence distant, so he decided to keep his own feelings to himself and let it fade over time.

Both of you thought the one-sided love would never be reciprocated until receiving courage from your friends to confess during Valentines Day. Even if both of you may feel hurt when one was rejected, at least the other party knew how important both meant to each other.

“Y/n, once you see this post it, please make your way to the wishing tree asap.”

You just returned from your music lesson, and you saw a pink post-it pasted on the middle of your table. It was prominent that the handwriting belonged to Hyunjin, and he wouldn’t do this kind of stuff except for urgent things. You ran your way down the stairs despite your tutor hollering you from the back, mind only thinking about him as you were afraid if he wanted to tell you anything important or worse, bad news.

“I’m-i’m here,” you panted heavily after dashing down from the classroom, taking over the plastic water bottle that he gave you. Muttering a quick ‘thanks’, you gulped the water while he signalled you over to sit with him on a bench below the tree.

After stabilising your breath, you asked, “why did you call me over now? Weren’t we supposed to be having a lesson? We can do it after school too.”

“I want to spend some time with you, only you,” he darted his eyes at you, triggering your heartbeat to be irregular again. You nodded awkwardly, turning your attention back to the water bottle in your hands, waiting for his following line.

“Did you confess to anyone today?”

You almost choked on your water when you heard that question.

“No…? Why?”

“Did anybody confess to you today?”

What the hell is wrong with him?

“No,” you answer subtly while looking at him with a confused expression, furrowing your eyebrows as he seemed weird that day.

“Great, i’ll be the one breaking the record today.”

Before you could even process, you already found him inches away from you, hands reached out to the back of your neck while his thumb gently grazed at your lips. His gaze wasn’t soft and warm like he usually has, but it was filled with desire and domination.

The implied message would be: “I want you, and i want to eat you up.”

You were not afraid because you knew he wasn’t someone who just fuck around and toyed with peoples’ feelings, proven by those straightforward rejections to those girls he didn’t pick an interest in. He also wasn’t someone who would hurt you as he cherished you like a fragile glass.

“The reason why i called you over today and now is because i want to tell you something that has been in my heart for very long. I know i’ll regret, but i still decided to express my feelings. I want us to be more than just friends because i like you a lot.”

Are my ears fooling me? Am i hallucinating? Is it real?

Your heartbeat was like hitting 200km/h and it almost fell out from your chest. Your head was spinning, ears were deafening and mouth drying up when you heard that confession come out of his mouth. He was staring into your eyes when he said those words, warm breath touching your skin, showing you that he was more than serious about what he just conveyed.

"I like you too."

Your long-awaited confession has finally left your mouth and been heard by the recipient. The one-sided love that both of you had was finally reciprocated.

We will now be together forever, right?

承 (cheng) | Escalation

I try to hide this feeling that I can't control,

I get carried away by this feeling that I can't control,

With you being so irresistibly charming,

I should have looked away, yet I'm mesmerised again.

—

~ Summer 2018

Even after 2 months, you still cannot believe your crush has turned into your boyfriend. It still felt like a hallucination during the confession day, where both of you poured your true feelings for each other, shedding tears of joy at how both of you finally belonged to one another.

The whole class soon knew that both of you had gone beyond the label of just ‘tablemates’ as they saw you guys going in and out of school together, eating in the canteen together, spending almost all your time together.

Dating him felt like a dream. He was all that fitted your ideal type perfectly and treated you like a queen. Of course, you were never a selfish girlfriend who just received, you also placed him on your priority, probably even above your parents.

Within a short span of 2 months, both parents have already met the other partner, and they are very much satisfied with each of you. With the affirmation of both families, you guys were more firm on blooming this relationship in the hope to walk together till the end of life.

There were many beautiful memories both of you shared — chatting in class when the tutor was boring, helping each other out in studies, staying back in the library to study and ending up falling asleep beside one another, hanging out after school in a nearby cafe to express all the sweet nothings etc. You felt inseparable from him because he meant the world to you and vice versa.

Everything feels right with him. You thought that you had found your significant other, your soulmate, your lifelong lover. Only when you grow older then you understand that it was just a honeymoon phase.

Most couples will feel the excitement, sexual arousal, nuance, and slightly obsessive 'lust', which all contribute to the reasons why both of you were addicted to one another.

"You lit up like a chandelier around me, and my eyes can only contain you."

You can never forget that sentence that he told you when both of you were having a picnic at the beach. It was a holiday period and you suggested going for a picnic, where he immediately agreed and volunteered to plan the outing for both of you. It was when you had a heart to heart talk with him, and you found out that he actually fell in love with you since the start of middle school.

"We were not even close, not to mention about conversing with one another," you reminded him as you heard him chuckle lightly.

"Yea I know, I mean, even though we didn't talk much, I have been observing you for a long time," he traced his hands over yours, finding a home for his palms. "You are quiet and calm as if nothing would affect you at all, even if the sky drops, which is something I like about you. You are not like other girls who wanted attention, wanted fame by gossiping about others or bootlicking the popular to join them or those that were snobbish when they scored full marks. You have always been yourself -- saying whatever you feel like saying, doing whatever you feel like doing, behaving like how you wanted to behave."

You looked at him with watery eyes when he pointed out all the features he spotted in you, feeling touched by how he remembered every piece of you in school that made him confirm you were who he wanted to be with. Never ever have you expected him to notice so many traits about you because you thought he never laid your eyes on you until he confessed.

Oh and, another reason why you were not bold enough to express your feelings is that he had always been the most popular guy in your cohort since middle school. You felt inferior to stand beside him because you felt like a wallflower that adds colour to his blooming image.

"Really? Am I that-"

"Yes, you are great, you have always been great, my dear. Don't ever degrade yourself because you deserved to be recognised," he pulled you closer to his embrace, running his hands behind your hand to soothe you from your insecurities.

You swore that the sunset during that day was the most beautiful sunset you have ever seen as you hugged your lover by your side. The comfort, warmth, love that you had always been seeking were found in his arms. You have dreamt of that scene countlessly and it finally came true, affirming your mind that he will be the one that was the most suited for you, fitting in like the last missing piece in your life.

"Hyun, I know it's too early to ask this, but will you always be with me?"

It was the most vulnerable state you have been in. As much as you hated to show your weak side to anybody, you knew that he was someone who would empathise with your situation, lending all his ears to hear you out, giving you the best consoles that you needed then. Both of you were still young, the future was unpredictable and you felt that having a long-term relationship does sound promising but uncertain at the same time.

What if his feelings faded over time?

What if my feelings faded over time?

What if he found a better person than me?

What if more obstacles are coming in our way as we enter adulthood?

Are we still able to maintain our relationship like how we are now?

There was an abundance of uncertainties residing in your brain, and you felt the need to let him know. Having attraction, falling in love, getting together is definitely easier than challenges, conflicts, disappointments coming in the way.

"Of course, I will. No matter what happens, I will always be by your side," he replied firmly as he hugged you tighter, showering you with soft kisses on your head as both of you enjoyed the sunset. His reply did make you feel better, and you believed in him.

Kisses with him were the ultimate gift that you ever received. Recalling how he was so careful when asking if he could kiss you, if the force was right, if you were okay with the speed... all the stupid questions that came up from him until you shut him up by kissing him back.

He was very respectful when coming to things that were your virgin tries, and he always ensured that you were totally comfortable with him until he proceeded further. His pink, juicy, plump lips felt tailor-made for you.

The first kiss was distinctive. You remembered clearly how he lifted you off the floor and placed you on the table, hands around your waist, holding you tight. He still asked you, "are you sure you want to do it? We can stop if you don't feel comfortable," even though he was eyeing your lips for a long time, you just shook your head and told him you were ready for it.

You were supposed to study at his house as invited by his mother, but it ended up becoming a steamy session when you accidentally fell on him when you tried to reach out for his book.

Lust and desire, isn't it?

His lips gently brushed against yours like butterfly wings, staying long enough to inhale your breath, feeling the warmth of your skin as the pad of his thumb rubbed softly against your tee and the taste of your lip balm that lingered around.

"No regrets?"

"No regrets."

His lips soon smashed against yours and kissed you like how he wanted to be kissed. It wasn't rough, but he was trying to seek union with your lips when both of you shared one breath, one sensation and the passionate moment that revolves around only you and him. Your shirt gradually got lifted as his hands went beneath that sent electricity across your body, igniting the fire inside you as you felt heat rising to your cheeks. Soft mewls escaped your lips as he devoured you like his prey, tracing your abdomen as you threw your hands around his neck.

Thankfully the door was locked, if not you would dig a hole on the floor and jump in then. It felt like euphoria when he explored your inner mouth, sucking and licking every part of it while letting out soft groans that were only audible for both of you to hear. All the test questions and answers were far behind both minds, as all you could think about was to show your love to him.

Both of you finally pulled away, panting heavily from the heated session both of you shared. If not for running out of breath, he swore he would continue on and on because your lips felt like a drug to him. Hands still intact with your skin, he pulled you into his arms as he dived deeper into the crook of your neck, placing soft kisses on it as you closed your eyes and enjoyed his dominance.

"Did I go too far?" He uttered under his breath as you shook your head.

"I won't let you off easily next time," you winced at an unfamiliar pain that was on your neck as he pulled away, smirking at you before asking you to go to the mirror and see for yourself.

"Holy shit you-" you playfully whacked his arms as he pulled you down to sit beside him, continuing where both of you left off from the discussion earlier.

After that day of the first intimate session both of you shared, you guys had gotten closer and felt more comfortable with physical contacts that were beyond the norm. Things were going exponentially well until he received a letter from a university he applied to in the UK.

When you first heard the news, you were genuinely happy for him, but the more it ran in your mind, your worries of maintaining a long-distance relationship triggered your insecurity again. Nevertheless, you still wanted him to pursue his dream of being an interior designer. You knew that he had always wanted to further study in that field, and now he finally received his acceptance letter, you didn't want to be a burden to him.

He is an intelligent, talented, hardworking person that deserves the opportunities, and it was finally his turn to spread his wings.

The process of accepting both of you would be apart for 3 years was already tough. You guys had been discussing what would be the best plan to sustain this relationship when he would be abroad in 6 months time and to be honest, it was brain-wrecking. No matter how concrete the plan would be, there would definitely be underlying issues that rose unexpectedly.

As both of you were already coming to a consensus after endless discussions, conflicts, arguments due to disparity in perceptions, issues started to rise again when your childhood best friend, Han Jisung finally returned from Malaysia.

Will we still be able to stand firm together despite all the obstacles coming in our way, or will we fall apart?

转 (zhuan) | Twist

I blame myself, I blame you,

I don't know whom to blame, my resent grows,

Trying to break down the wall between us just brеaks my heart,

While making my mind up, I missed thе most important one.

—

~ Autumn 2018

"Hey, Jisung! So happy to see you again!" You gave a warm tight hug to your long-time-no-see bestie, ignorant to the black-faced Hyunjin standing behind you and crossing his arms. Before arriving at the airport to fetch him, you had a minor conflict with Hyunjin because he was reluctant to follow you and last-minute changing his mind to come along.

"If you are not happy, then don't come," that was your last words before hanging up the phone the night before. When you first shared the news of your guy best friend coming back to him, he made a big fuss out of it because he felt you would spend more time with Jisung than him.

You thought he would be receptive to it, but little did you know that he would have such a big reaction, which made you feel wronged. You understood that he felt insecure because he presumed Jisung to be his 'enemy', as he had childhood trauma caused by his family.

He grew up in a problematic childhood where he was the most unfavourite child among his other 2 siblings (let's assume he has here okay). Ever since he was born, he was never doted by his family and was forced to be independent when he was a kid. He never had many possessions, but he would never let it go the moment he had it. He didn't tell you this until one of the days when you had a midnight call with him.

As the days went by, his true colours started to reveal -- he got agitated when you were talking to other guy classmates, as well as those guy colleagues you worked with. Initially, you were patient with his actions because you empathised with his situation, and you did your best to assure him that you would always be by his side.

However, things started to get overboard when he picked a fight with your assigned partner during lesson time. You recalled that you were just sitting slightly closer to your partner because both of you were analysing a picture, and he suddenly barged in and punched your partner in the face.

The situation got out of hand when the fight got worse and no matter how much you tried to stop him, his fury overshadowed his rationality until you slapped him in the face.

Your heart stung badly like how your palm was.

The whole class went so silent that even a pin drop could be heard. You opened your mouth wide as you saw his redden cheeks and your burning palm, immediately regretting slapping him. However, you were also triggered because he created chaos in the class, punching someone innocent.

Both of you looked at each other with reddened eyes. He realised what he had done, and he knew it was wrong. Likewise, you realised you hurt him, which was terrible as well.

"Y/n, Hyunjin, (partner's name), come to the teacher's office now."

The 3 of you got reprimanded by the discipline master, but none of his words entered your brain. The only thing you thought of was to confront Hyunjin, as well as apologise to him. The moment your discipline master released 3 of you, you dragged Hyunjin to the end of the corridor that was more secluded so you could have a private space to talk to him.

"Hyun, I'm-I'm so sorry, i-i didn't mean to," your head hung low as guilt gushed all over your heart. No matter how angry you were at him for making the reckless move, it was your fault for slapping him.

"No, no it’s okay, I'm sorry too, babe, I was-i was...I was jealous..." he replied apologetically as he fiddled with his fingers, waiting for your answer.

"Hyun, I know it's my fault for slapping you, I'm very sorry for that, but why would you do that? We were just discussing and you just came in to punch him as if he harassed me, how am I supposed to face him now? We are only halfway done with our project and how can I work properly with him in the future?" You combed your hair to the back frustratedly as you looked at the latter in front of you, stifling his tears as he nodded at your response.

"Hyun, what happened? It wasn't the first time you did this. The previous time you hit my colleague as well, remember? I almost lost my job... and now this, how am I supposed to face him and the rest of our classmates? Hyun, I totally understand your emotions, I heard you and I assured you repeatedly that I am always by your side, why would you still do this?"

You knew, you knew whatever you said would stab his heart, but he needed to know that you had your own limits as well. There were countless times when you had to take time to talk to him, making sure he understood where you were coming from. You were never born patient, but he was constantly challenging your limits.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry babe..." his cries got louder as your heart softened.

It was a toxic cycle. Unsure when the relationship had been going on a downfall as you started to interact with other male figures. He will first give you a black face, ignoring your words, waiting for you to probe him and you always did, then conflicts rise, followed by his fights with others if it was severe if not he will start approaching you again after cooling down for a few days.

You felt sick of entertaining all of these anymore, but you just couldn’t bring yourself to break things off with him. You were aware that because he put you at the top of his heart, that’s why his reactions were always theatrical, but it started to make you feel suffocated.

However, whenever you saw him breaking down, your heart felt weak and you forgave him because you knew that he was sensitive to your distance with guys, but you continued to do so despite him telling you that he didn’t like it. You were unable to blame him as you were not focusing on his needs as well. Things were starting to subside until Jisung came back from Malaysia.

“Oh my god bestie, I missed you too! By the way, this is…?”

“Her boyfriend,” Hyunjin came over from the back, sharply pulling you beside him as you winced at the impact. You laughed awkwardly as you darted a glare at the latter, suppressing your anger when he just rudely pulled you away, leaving Jisung speechless.

“Ah-oh, hi, I'm Han Jisung, y/n’s close friend,” he reached out his hand, wanting to make friends with Hyunjin. Hyunjin just flashed a fake smile at him before changing the topic, leaving Jisung’s hand awkwardly in the air.

“Jisung, don’t mind him, he’s just a little angsty today, let’s go,” you shoved Hyunjin’s hand off your waist and went over to Jisung side, leading him to the car that you have driven over earlier and Hyunjin tracing behind both backs unwillingly.

Having Jisung around made the relationship between you and Hyunjin worse. Of course, it’s none of Jisung’s fault because he wasn’t even aware of what was going on between the both of you, but just got dragged in from time to time in the arguments you had with Hyunjin.

As Jisung was transferred to the same school, he had to start from year 2 as the syllabus was slightly different from Malaysia. You mentioned to Hyunjin before that Jisung needed more help in his studies and you were the only one he knew that could guide him, so you will take some time over to Jisung’s house and tutor him.

This issue had been going on before Jisung returned, and the consensus was already agreed upon that you would take 2 days to help Jisung and spend the rest of time with him. However, there were times when you had to go over for extra 1 or 2 days as exams were coming.

You felt unfair that you had to restrain your time spent with Jisung as your boyfriend wasn’t fond of it. You wanted to catch up with Jisung but could not do so as you knew that if you stayed for an extra 5 minutes, you would receive spam calls from him. When you rushed over to his side, he would say sarcastic words that add flame to your fire.

You felt guilty about one thing because you lied to Hyunjin for a good 2 weeks that you had to work overtime, but in fact, you were at Jisung’s house. He only found out when he decided to do a surprise visit at your shop, only to hear from your manager that you weren’t assigned duty that day.

All infuriated, he decided to find you and confront you. To his dismay, you were not in your own house as well. He decided to wait for you to come back while cooling down his anger, as he knew that you disliked him raising his voice in any sort of situation.

“Hyun? Wh-why are you here..?” your voice quivered as you saw your boyfriend standing by your door, emitting icy cold energy from his eyes.

You knew that you were busted.

“Weren’t you supposed to be working?” he asked monotonously, sending shivers down your spine as you were certain that you couldn’t lie further.

“Let’s go in and talk,” not wanting your neighbours to hear, you unlocked the door and let him in, ready to start another world war.

“Answer me now.” The moment the door was shut, he pinned you against the wall while ordering you to answer him.

He was angry, very angry at you.

“I-i-i’m sorry, I lied,” you squeezed your eyes shut as you owned up your mistake, hearing a sharp inhale from the latter as he pulled away from you.

You were expecting him to yell at you, but he just kept quiet and looked at you with redden and swollen eyes that showed he had been crying before you even returned home. "Why? Why did you lie to me?"

His trembling voice broke your heart. You were speechless, flustered, anxious because it was indeed your fault. In order to spend more time with Jisung, you decided to take the worse approach, which is to lie when you could have talked to him nicely, and he probably would have understood your stand.

The method of resolving numerous conflicts has been wrong since the beginning. Instead of talking things out and explaining both rationales, both of you kept arguing for nothing but not sharing the true intentions behind your thoughts.

"I-I was afraid that you would be angry, then you would pick a fight with Jisung again..." your voice quivered as you looked down on the floor.

Silence.

Your anxiety is creeping in as it was your first time seeing Hyunjin keeping his mouth shut as he stared at you. It was scarier than him shouting or arguing because you knew things were worsening.

"Y/n, do you know why I have acted this way since the beginning?"

Right, why did he act this way? Isn’t he is just jealous because i talked to opposite genders? But is that really it?

"No..."

"Y/n, you know sometimes I really hate how insensitive you are. Those guys who talked to you in school were trying to court you. How could you not notice that? Didn't you notice their gazes? Didn't you notice those 'coincidental' touches? Did you even consider my feelings?"

Your mouth opened wide as you recalled those flashbacks. Those interactions you had with the guy schoolmates, who always appear whenever Hyunjin was around. There were times when they touched your hand but ended up apologising and said they were coincidental. Now that you look back, you realise that those were intentional and you fell for it. However, as you mind flashed how he always fought with them, the blood in your stomach boiled again.

Many people were speculating your reaction towards his reckless actions. There were many times when you felt ashamed because you had an immature boyfriend who went around punching people because of his jealousy.

"Well, but there isn't a need to fight with them right? Like, I get that you are angry and jealous, but fighting doesn't resolve things?! Why didn't you tell me instead?"

"I didn't tell you?! I remembered myself bringing up many times to ask you not to go close to them, but you don't listen?! You always said that I am possessive and doesn't give you the space you need, but have you ever considered what do I exactly need? I can respect you but have you given me the same respect I gave?"

"But Hyunjin, I get that you are angry but you know the moment I recall those fights you have gotten into, got called into the discipline master's office various times and getting yourself bruised makes me feel upset? I feel ashamed, that my boyfriend has to act like that in order to protect his girlfriend. I know that I am at fault, but aren't you accountable for your actions as well?"

Fury, blames, disappointment filled the atmosphere.

"I definitely am, but it is because I love you so much, that I can't control myself at times. I got so jealous whenever I see you with others, especially your bestie. I know nothing is going on, but I still feel jealous, urgh!"

"Hyunjin! I already said many many times that we are just besties and he already has his own crush! It has been a long since we met and we need time to catch up? Why can't you even spare that mercy for me?! Oh dear like, you know your love makes me feel suffocated? I want to live like other normal girls as well, who has the freedom to befriend opposite genders while having a boyfriend. Yes, I may have neglected you, but can't we understand each other?"

You broke down when you finished your words, crumbling on the floor as you cried your lungs out. You immediately regretted saying those but you couldn't take it anymore. Likewise, for him, he was also bawling his eyes out when he looked at the situation both of you were in.

“I’m so tired Hyunjin, really, i thought we were fine, but what exactly happened to us…” you choked on your words as tears flowed uncontrollably down your cheeks, clutching your throbbing head from excessively crying and the painful situation you were in.

We were not how we used to be anymore.

None of you expected this day to come so soon. 6 months back you guys were living the real definition of eudaemonia but now, things seemed to have collapsed and a strong hint of separation would the best decision to spare each of your life.

Why did things end up the way we least wanted them to be? We know that we truly love each other, but what had gone wrong? Were we in the wrong place, wrong time to get together? Is that all for us?

合 (he) | verdict

The fact that we've grown even further apart than we were makes me weary,

Because of my honesty, there is no relief, all that remain is regret.

—

~ Winter 2018

You were not feeling anywhere better even after 3 months of breaking up with your ex-lover.

“I just want to tell you that, meeting you is the best decision i have made, but the time and place that we met is wrong. We are young, immature, unable to express our love like how we want it to be which leads us to the situation now. Maybe breaking up is the best for now.”

That was the hardest decision you have ever made — to initiate a break-up with him. Breaking up was the last thing you would want to do on earth, but you felt that persisting in that torn relationship with 2 broken hearts would cause more pain for both of you. It wasn’t because you didn’t love him anymore, but you didn’t have the energy to love him the way he wanted you to be, vice versa.

That night was excruciating for you. Those redden eyes, nose, cheeks of his flashed in your brain countlessly, even in your dreams. His words were carved in your brain, frequently stabbing your heart when you recalled it.

“You were the first person I ever loved so deeply, but you are also the first person I lost, im sorry my love, i didn’t know my love would cause that much pain for you, maybe splitting would be the most ideal way for us now. Sorry, i love you.”

And he left your house without looking back. It was difficult for him to say the same thing as you, but it was a fact that there was no way out of this relationship and ending would put a stop to both sufferings.

Loving someone is hard, but breaking up with the person you loved the most is harder.

From that day onwards, you never saw him in school anymore. As the final year was coming to an end, you knew that he was busy preparing for his documents that would be brought over to UK. Touching the empty table beside you, you could only mock yourself for the worst state you were in and the regretful decision you made.

“I miss you,” the only 3 words that you could mutter to the empty cold seat every day you entered your class.

Winter came and everyone started to whip out their thick and furry jackets, likewise for you. The only difference you had with others would be, your heart still felt icy cold no matter how many layers you were wearing, because you lost the source of warmth that could keep your heart on fire.

You were no longer like how you used to be before you dated him. Unable to focus in class, submitting incomplete work, a drastic drop in grades as you often daydream the past that you had with him until got pulled back to earth when your tutor called you. You also started to isolate yourself from your friends, only to wander around the school where both of you spent time together.

“Y/n, are you okay?” you were daydreaming as you sat on the bench below the wishing tree. It was an instinct for you to go over that day, to review the note that both of you left during Valentine's day.

“Y/n and Hyunjin will be forever together”, that was the message. Both of you even signed at the end of it, tieing it with a red string before leaving. Now that you revisited it again, he wasn’t around anymore.

Maybe i shouldn’t have initiated the breakup…

Overthinking badly, this statement has run through your mind since you broke up till now. No matter how regretful you are, things can’t go back to how it used to be.

It was snowing that day and you were sitting on the bench tearing up. As you caressed the bench with your gloves, a sudden surge of tears rushed to the brim of your eyes, falling like pearls until your tutor walked over to check in with you.

“Saem, i-i feel a par-part of me is- is gone,” you tried to stifle your tears while covering your mouth, but it got out of hand as your form teacher hugged you. She knew everything because she was close with you, and definitely able to understand as she had gone through before.

“I feel bad, i feel so bad, i shouldn’t have said that…” your cries got louder as your brain kept replaying the last day you met him. Your tutor tried to calm you down by whispering consoling words into your ears, only effective for a few seconds.

“Y/n, everything happens for a reason. Parting now may not be a total bad outcome, what if you are able to meet him again in the future? This distance will help both of you to learn your own mistakes, learn how to love the other, learn how to empathise with each other. Until the day when both of you are enlightened, you guys will cross paths again. Trust me, i am sure that he wants to see you doing well because he loves you. I have saw numerous times where he focused, talked about you alot, so i am sure that there will be a day where both of you reunite again, okay?”

That was the longest yet most precious word your tutor has ever shared with you. Your cries ceased, slowly absorbing whatever she has said. She made her point and the only thing you could do then was to pull up your socks and live on. Dwelling in the past doesn’t solve things but only focusing on the current or future can determine your life.

That was the last time you cried till now. Numbing yourself, you decided to isolate all your emotions as you prepared for your final exams, only aiming to go to a good university and study something you want — which is to become a psychologist. And you did, you caught up in the last lap and managed to enter where you aimed.

It was the day when Hyunjin was going to leave for UK and you contemplated if you should at least send him off. He didn’t tell many people about it, and he once said that he really hope to see you there before departing. However, with this situation, do you still even have the audacity to go?

“Y/n, if you really want to go, just follow your heart. It doesn’t matter whether both of you are still able to reconcile, but at least go and tell him those words that you failed to deliver to him,” your mum came over to your side, patting your shoulders as you were sitting on the dining chair churning your brain.

You only live once.

“Okay mum, i’ll go now, thank you,” you set your mind and you swiftly took your sling bag, rushing out of the door to book a grab. It was 30mins left to his departure and you desperately hoped that you were able to make it. By the time you arrived, you saw from the screen that the flight gate that he would be taking was already opened. You dashed quickly to the departure gate despite knocking onto a few people, muttering a quick ‘sorry’ as your eyes were spotting for his figure.

“Hyunjin!” You saw that he was about to enter, turning his head back and stunned at your presence. You were panting heavily as you hold on to your knees, trying to catch some breath before saying a few words.

“Why are you here?” He rushed over to you, slightly furrowing his eyebrows as he saw the layer of sweat on your forehead. “I-i came to say, say a few words before, before you leave,” you swallowed your saliva, looking up at his worried face.

He still loves you, doesn’t he?

“I know, i know you are running out of time but, i just wanted to say-“

“This is the final boarding call for passengers Mr Hwang Hyunjin booked on flight 372A to London. Please proceed to gate 3 immediately. The final checks are being completed and the captain will order for the doors of the aircraft to close in approximately five minutes time. I repeat. This is the final boarding call for Mr Hwang Hyunjin. Thank you.”

Ah shit!

“You wanted to say?” He was still staring at you with worries written all over his face, but you didn’t want to hold him back anymore, so you just briefly blurted whatever was on your mind.

“Nothing much, i just wanted to say, good luck for your university life in London, we may or may not meet again, but i wish you all the best,” you faked the brightest smile you could before chasing him to enter because you didn’t want to be the cause of his delayed arrival.

You already burdened him enough for 1 year, it wouldn’t be nice to burden him more for his future.

After he entered the departure gate while turning to wave at you, you broke into tears as you crumbled onto the floor. Blaming yourself for being such a coward, you contemplated too much if you should come to send him. Even so, you still didn’t tell him the 4 words that you have always wanted him to know.

“Sorry, i love you.” They were useless no matter how many times you repeated as you looked at the fading from your sight. People were judging you but you couldn’t care less, as your whole mind could only focus on scolding yourself for being a pussy, that wasn’t even able to end a relationship right.

Till when will we meet again? Will you have already found a better person in the place you are in? Will there be a chance for us to reconcile again?

The most memorable yet heartwrenching year out of 22 years of your life.

之后 (zhi hou) | After

But maybe I took too long

Our timings were off, I feel like I'm being punished

What I did to get closer to you was rather

Building a wall between us, I'm speechless

—

~ Spring 2022

“Hey y/n! Congratulations on your bachelor degree! Damn, we are having a psychologist soon!” You received a warm hug from your bestie, Jisung while his partner stood by the side. Throughout the 4 years, he never leaves you alone trying to piece back every part of you. He is still that best friend just like how you met him since 7, and you are incredibly grateful for that.

“Thanks Han, congrats on your studio opening as well!” You patted his back as you replied. Jisung recently opened a production studio where he helps artists to produce songs. So talented, isn’t it?

You managed to graduate with a high score and you were on the honour’s list. Surviving the 4 years was not easy — you had to handle the broken heart inside you while putting on a facade in front of others, juggling with the enormous workload that stressed you out every day and working part-time to at least feed yourself as the uni fees were costly.

In your uni years, all you thought of were to study hard and work hard. Open for relationships? It wasn’t in your mind until someone confessed to you half a year later into your freshman year. You thought you were receptive to a new and incoming relationship but when it really happened, you still turned down as your heart still couldn’t eliminate that 1 person that took it away — Hyunjin, of course.

You couldn’t remember how many times your other best friend that you made in high school adviced you to get a new boyfriend, but it doesn’t sound like a good idea compared to having a new part-time work with more attractive pay. “Y/n, you can’t keep dwelling in the past. What’s over is over already, you need to move on and you may meet a better person in future, isn’t it?”

“Yea, yea, yea, you are right,” you brushed it off quickly as you continued to focus on doing your literature review. You understood where she was coming from, but you still felt there maybe a chance both of you could reconcile again. Claim it to be daydreaming, you just don’t feel the vibe to get into one right now.

“Damn y/n, I'm soooo proud of you, you finally made it after 4 years,” your best friend Lydia came over and gave you another hug, while her square hat accidentally knocked onto your jaw. “Yes i did, i mean, we did, im very proud of you as well,” you soothed her back as she giggled.

“Are you going to further study?” She asked, which earned a little attention from your parents and Jisung. You paused for a while before answering.

Should i? But i need a Masters degree to become a licensed psychologist, but i still need to study for a few more years…

“Maybe, i mean, after all i need a Masters degree? I shall see how,” you flashed a light smile before shifting the topic to take a group picture, even though a part of you wished he was around.

How has he been doing? Is he doing fine? Has he found someone better than you? Maybe he did because he deserves it…

“Y/n, say cheese!” Your senses came back to earth as you heard your other classmate, who is also one of your good friends, Seungmin called you and you smiled wider.

“Thanks Seung,” you took the camera over and scrolled through the pictures. “Still miss him?”

You were busy checking the photos, grinning unconsciously until his question took you aback. Stopping in your actions, you closed the camera and looked at him.

“Does it matter anymore? It’s not like we are meeting again,” your voice shook as you scoffed at yourself.

It’s not true, it definitely matters, and it matters alot. Why were you saying things that are opposite from what you thought? Or were you just too egoistic to admit you still love him after all?

“It definitely matters, he is coming back y/n.”

—

“xxx High School is sincerely inviting all Alumni that graduated in the year of 2018 to come back here and have a gathering. There will be a special gallery set up for all alumni to have a walkthrough, reminiscence their high school years and catch up with their classmates. Should you wish to come over, do flash this invitation card at the entrance to gain permission, we hope to see you there!”

You stared at this invitation card for a long while. The school logo that was right smacked at the cover of the card pulled you back into your high school memories that were filled with ups and downs. You soon received spam messages from Lydia and they were all about convincing you to go to the gathering with her.

“Omg plweaseeeeeee y/n, come with me okay?”

“Just for a short while is also fine, i hope you come with meeeeee”

“Don’t you miss our memories back then? Let’s go back and do all the stupid shit again!”

“I know what is running in your mind, but you only coming with me okay, only me!”

“If you really happen to run into him, isn’t it a good chance to speak your unspoken words?”

Right, unspoken words.

As much as you detest going back to school, you still didn’t want to give up the chance of meeting him again. The odds may be small, but it is still worth a try isn’t it?

“Okay, i’ll go,” you swiftly punched the letters in, placing the card back into the envelope before you plop onto your bed, staring into the ceiling. Taking up your hand, you stared at the ring that you have never taken off since 4 years back. It was a promise ring that he bought for you on your birthday, one for you and one for him.

Did he throw his away? I hope not.

There were many times when you wanted to remove and keep it somewhere, or even throw it away, but you just couldn’t do so. The ring wasn’t rare or expensive, but it was something that you poured your heart out for someone for the first time and despite not ending well, it still shaped your life and who you became. Groaning at how you couldn’t get him off your mind, you just decided to wrap yourself beneath your comforter and get some sleep.

The day came quicker than any other day and you woke up early to dress even though you claimed that you were totally not enthusiastic about it. Lydia was already waiting for you downstairs and you ran down after bidding goodbye to your mum.

“My girl said that she doesn’t want to go, not looking forward to it but oh look, she’s dressing herself,” your best friend made a sarcastic remark as she saw you wearing dress once in a blue moon as you rolled your eyes at her.

“Talk properly,” you slapped her arm playfully and she broke into peals of laughter, signalling you to hop into her brand new car that she bought a week back. That is the life you wanted, having a rich best friend who gives all her back when you needed and never forget about you when she succeeded. Being an entrepreneur requires lots of courage and resources, and not many actually earned big bucks out of it. Maybe lady luck is on her side, her business is prospering now.

The car ride was pleasant until both of you reached the school. Your anxiety starts to kick in again as you saw the nostalgic building, and the people who almost faded off your memory became prominent again.

“Hey Lydia and y/n, wow you guys have been besties for so long! How have both of you been?” Your form teacher, who is the one who comforted you when you sat on the bench crying beneath the snowfall. “I have been great! Got my own business now~” Lydia smiled sheepishly as she nudged your elbow lightly, asking you to follow up her sentence.

“Oh yea, i-i have been doing okay, preparing for my Masters,” your tutor looked at you with sparkling eyes, mouth opening wide when she heard about your accomplishment. “Im so happy to hear both of you are blossoming! Are you guys attached?”

You looked at Lydia and she did the same. Both of you are definitely not taken, despite the countless courters queuing to get both numbers.

“No saem, we don’t have haha…” both voices trailed off and your tutor chuckled. “That’s okay! Do what makes you happy and relationships can wait, oh and, go and take a look at the gallery before coming to the hall to grab your meals, we’ve got budget now,” she winked at both of you before ushering you guys to the gallery.

The moment you caught sight of the exhibition, your tears started making their way to the brim of your eyes. Those photos, those video montages, those voice recordings, those written hand messages across the wall punched your soft spot. You thought you hated high school until you revisit them again.

It is because you love high school too much that you hated it ended too fast. No matter how immature all of you were, we can never be like how we used to be anymore.

"Y/n! Isn't this you and Hyunjin when we were in our last year?"

Your smile froze when you heard that name again.

“Y/n? Are you listening to me?”

You are pulled back to earth when you looked at Lydia staring at you with a perplexed expression. Your mind went too far off to recap those memories as you gazed at the picture. “Why are you crying?”

“Me? Crying?” Your hands reached out to your cheeks and you realised a strand of tear fell from your eyes. You are oblivious to them as you were too caught up recalling until you noticed your cheeks got wet and your shirt that has a tear stain.

“Oh, nothing much, just feeling nostalgic, let’s go,” you wiped off the rest from your eyes before pulling Lydia away, continuing down the memory lane. Both of you were laughing at how foolish you look when your unglam was taken during Sports day. You met a few old classmates along the way and chatted with them, before exiting the gallery that leads to the area where the wishing tree is located.

Gaze fixating onto that wishing tree, the image of both of you confessing reappeared again, lightly smiling, you tugged onto Lydia’s hand before making your way to the hall.

Everyone was present except him. Looking at the empty seat beside you, just like how you looked at it 4 years ago, your heart fell as the chance of you meeting him became slimmer and negligible. Trying to put on a happy facade, you replied to your classmates' questions courteously until they asked you if there was any sequel after you and Hyunjin’s relationship.

“No, nothing happened,” you answered monotonously as you took a sip from the cup of tea, implying that you didn’t want to entertain anymore. Understanding your passive behaviour, everyone kept quiet and shifted the topic.

“Excuse me,” you muttered softly before making a move as you didn’t want to stay inside anymore. Totally not focusing on what the emcee was saying, you rather exit to take a fresh air instead of cooping inside. Taking the flight of stairs down, your feet brought you back to the wishing tree that you missed the most.

There are more notes tied now, you thought. The legacy must have been passed on successfully…

Climbing onto the bench, you wanted to search for the note that you used to tie with him. No matter how distorted it is, at least you wanted to retrieve back the note and bring it home. There wouldn’t be a reason why you need to leave it here as he wouldn’t come back either.

“Found it,” you uttered as you jumped down from the bench, wiping some residues off the note. The words are slightly faded, but still legible to read. Giggling softly at the handwriting, your urge of tearing came again while trying to force a smile. He has always been your soft spot, no matter how many years have passed.

Still carefully caressing the old note, you suddenly feel a few raindrops falling from the sky. It came too fast that you didn’t have time to react, you quickly hide the note inside your bag and wanted to run into the building. Before you could even turn your body, you don’t sense any water dripping on your head anymore.

Weird… it’s still raining heavily but why don’t i feel it?

You slightly tilt your head to the top, seeing a transparent umbrella hovering over your head. Feeling grateful, you turned your body to thank the kind soul, but no words come out of your mouth as your eyes caught the familiar figure standing inches away from you that is unforgotten since 4 years back.

“Am i dreaming?” you accidentally blurted your thoughts out and immediately covered your mouth, earning a light chuckle from the latter. You looked at him with confusion, slightly pinching your skin to prove to yourself you are not dreaming.

“You are not,” he answered softly while staring at you. His gaze is like a mystery — it feels like it is filled with nostalgia, love, hate, neutral, you don’t know. You only know he is standing in front of you now.

He looked even more charming as compared to 4 years back, no more childish vibes emitting from him, only mature energy. He look taller and more toned than he was, blonde hair tied in a ponytail instead of the old black one. Covering with a long coat, it makes him look more untouchable because you felt like a peasant talking to a god.

“I know…” you looked down at the hem of your shirt, fingers fiddling with them as your heart starts to race again like how you first met him. An awkward silence filled the air until he initiated. “It has been long…isn’t it?”

His voice also got deeper, got more addictive. You are timid to raise your head because you know you will be hooked onto his eyes, so you rather keep it low.

“Yea…actually, i have something to tell you… have been in my heart for 4 years and, you know, they aren’t delivered,” taking a harsh deep breath, you decided to confess that unspoken phrase to him.

It doesn’t matter whether you are able to reconcile with him anymore. All you wanted to do is to let him know your bottled heartfelt words. This timing is the best because you don’t know when it will come again, or maybe not.

“Go ahead, all ears for you,” he took a step closer to you, making your heart beat faster than it was despite him not touching you at all. It is raining, but why do you feel so warm?

Squeezing your eyes tight, you mastered your last courage to look at the latter into his eyes, muttering “Sorry, i love you.”

Oh my god, i finally said it, i finally said it!

Heaving a sigh of relief, you felt a heavy stone lifted off your chest. You avert your gaze to elsewhere because he is still staring at you and god knows why, trying to act as normal as you can.

“You know, you-you don’t have to say anything, i-i just wanna let you know… that’s all,” your nervousness rose because he was silent the whole time after you confessed to him. The fiddliness on the hem of your shirt got more obvious while you bite on your lower lip. You can’t help it, self talks don’t work anymore.

“Sorry, i love you too,” he uttered softly that was only audible for the both of you to hear, other than the raindrops splashing on the floor. People were running into the building but both of you are squeezing under a transparent umbrella, shooting unexplainable gazes at one another, weirdly romantic.

A part of your heart plunged because you thought that is really the end of both of you. End of teenage, end of the relationship, end of the chapter. Well, that doesn’t sound too bad too right? At least both of you once loved each other before, fight for each other before, quarrel with each other before…

Life is full of regrets, isn’t it? Why didn’t both of you hold onto each other tighter? Why didn’t both of you talk to each other? Why didn’t-

“Y/n, can we start from square one?”

-> author’s note: omg i finally finished this… i took like 2 weeks to finish it because i was preparing for my last lap of acadamic year and i wanted to give up halfway but thank god i didn’t >< sorry if thr’s grammar errors because i barely got time to vett, ignore those thank you!!

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