They Should. Give Me One Thousand Dollars Every Month So I Can Commission Artists Who Are Very Clearly

they should. give me one thousand dollars every month so i can commission artists who are very clearly unwell

late night studying in october 🍂☕️🎃📚

idk why this animatic cracked me up so much knowing how the chara 'singing' is supposed to be

actually.

i might've been wrong about this. bc later last night/all of today i'm actually quite depressed feeling. and over more than just struggling to do my art again.

i'm lonely. i have all of two friends and one is my partner. i've tried for years and years to find new friends and any friends i did have/made in the past, i've not held on to any of them to this day. my highschool friend i still have now is the longest friendship i've had.

all i've ever wanted out of streaming is to find some cool, cozy, fun people to make friends with/stream with/do hobbies with. maybe i'm kinda foolish in thinking i could utilize streaming this way (rather than as a job like most people do). i thought i had achieved that a few years ago but turns out they were just a bunch of assholes and bullies. and the environment of streaming is different now so i barely get any traction on twitch (tho it might also be bc i don't interact much OUTSIDE my stream now either for all the trauma past people have caused me. i'm overly cautious to not repeat damaging patterns again)

i DESPERATELY want friends but bc of my trauma and autism, i over analyze the steps to making friends and it never feels like anyone wants to be friends with me now. how does an autistic adult make friends in this world cos idk how to do it.

(also, i feel like the only people who ever do somewhat engage with me on my streams are weirdo dudes and i don't want weirdo dudes, if anything, i'm so traumatized by Men i just about don't want them around me ever. i'm here for the queers)

normally, i wouldn't really want to post something like this on my Branded accounts but i feel like i don't ever get any traction on tumblr anyway bc of the State of tumblr and i lost cohost to go whine on, plus i'm already juggling way too many accounts for my vtuber stuff anyway, i don't wanna make a separate account to whine on. i might delete this later when i'm feeling less pity party but man. one or two friends that aren't pieces of shit and have a bunch of common interests with me could fix me.

i don't think i get seasonal depression but i do think i get like. 'feeling artistically insecure/forget how to be an artist' syndrome around this time of year and it SUCKS bc this is the time i wanna draw the MOST cos it's my fave time of year ; w ;

Hello October! Welcome back spooky season! 🎃