Crazy-people-are-here - I_lurk

I've attended funerals before, always wanting them to end before they even start because I knew I was gonna cry. I could have hardly knew the person and I still would cry. It always made me feel as if it wasn't genuine. That I was only crying because everyone else was. But going to your funeral, I never wanted it to start. I didn't want it to start cause I knew it meant goodbye. I didn't want to say goodbye to you. Sitting there in that pew felt like the hardest thing to do. I've never wanted to sit through a funeral. But once yours started, I never wanted it to end. I didn't want to say that last goodbye. It hurts too much. Knowing I won't see you again. I won't come through the front door one day and randomly see you sitting there. I won't be able to tell you what I'm doing in guard or theatre. You'll never get to hear what part in the musical I made. You'll never get to play bingo one more time with your sister and niece. Why is losing you so hard? Probably because I never thought I would lose you. I never could have imagined saying goodbye. I didn't want to imagine. I can still see my self as a little girl riding her bike with her cousin right down the road to your house to eat some cheesecake and play cards. I can still remember playing with all the toys in your house, the smell that was so uniquely your house. The nervous just going to the bathroom cause it was down a hallway I normally didn't go down. I still remember vividly the day you didn't go back to that house, the day he moved in instead. The day you went to live with your son and daughter. I saw you less but that was okay because I was still seeing you. You would have loved the fact so many people were together in one place. Like auntie said, this sure is one way to get the family together, just not the right way. You'll be missed. Hell you've only been gone 3 or 4 days and we already miss you so much. It was almost unreal seeing them pick up your casket and put you into that car. The funeral home was gonna wheel you and then slide you in. But don't worry the boys carried you out the door and into the car. I'm trying so hard not to cry because I know you would have fussed at me for it, but it's hard. Your preacher talked at the funeral and he said you'd be at the throne of Jesus and I can't help but agree with him. There isn't a better place for you then right next to our Lord. I guess I just wrote this as a final goodbye. I know it's gonna be hard to get up tomorrow and go to school and seem fine. Hard knowing your not on this Earth anymore. But it hurts a little less knowing you no longer in pain and your happy in heaven. We on Earth may have lost an angel but the Lord sure got one home.

I'm a crowd full of people, I'd want to choose you, over and over again.