The Way Wilson Just Talks About House The Way A Wife Talks About Her Husband. Even All The Way Back In

the way wilson just talks about house the way a wife talks about her husband. even all the way back in season 1. they're married your honor

dumb things my friends and I have said: 2024!

part one: january - march apologies ahead of time for length! feel free to change pronouns if need be. warning for foul and dirty language, suggestiveness, and capslock-implied yelling :)

"I think [hometown] dirt would taste better than the dirt here because it contains a level of lead I've grown used to."

"Incorrect. I am not a mother fucker. I have never fucked a mother."

"Your authoritarianism is quite insatiable."

"He absolutely pulls his limbs off for funsies."

"There's a Pope in the road again!"

"Get a tramp stamp that says 'this is no place for a horse'."

"Have you perhaps considered experiencing natural sunlight? No I'm genuinely asking."

"Everybody wants to see Santa's cock and balls!"

"I think calling physical food in front of you "cuisine" is incorrect."

"Hey Google, unshit my jorts."

"DON'T MAKE ME WHIP OUT MY VAGINA HOLE."

"Ayo, what them balls do, king?"

"It goes hard in a hard way."

"THIS DUDE FARPIN' FOR TWENTY DOLLARS."

"I'll be there in Sprite."

"Get all this Jesus outta the way so I can eat my dinner!"

"With my luck, it could be raining titties, and I'd still look up and catch a dick."

"You must be smoking chicken fried dick if you think I give a chicken fried fuck."

"It is ready for gripping at all times. ...That's what she said!"

"I want that fucking twink in a blender."

"Aw hell nah, they used my boy as a plot device!"

"I meant, as to the condition of the Italian."

"Gimme some of that peepee in the mouth."

"Tell her that her son is cringe."

"A scallop is like a brother to me."

"I blame your astigmatism on your brother."

"She got a cooch like Grand Central Station."

"I BET YOUR PICKLES AREN'T EVEN CRISP."

"Yes, I am a little stupid. It's part of my charm."

"There's a specific kind of white boy that I would... you know."

"Man, don't do this to me. I'm gonna get sads in my ramen."

"Wow, okay, orphan. Who killed YOUR dad?"

"Hell yeah, let me power that rock, daddy."

"Keep sniffing me and I'll peg you."

"I'd get MY interior designed, if you know what I'm saying."

"I think I just get possessed by Chad the frat guy."

"He's what the color lime smells like."

"Can't hear you. Too busy barking."

"...I didn't wanna have to be homophobic today."

"Yehowdy, y'all should vote for me, Mayor Weenis."

"One man complained about the viagra commercial because he was having sex for five hours straight."

"I was busy fighting math."

"I am like a horse. I will not elaborate."

"PICK UP YOUR TITTIES BY YOUR BRA STRAPS."

"Sometimes I hate you and your stupid nipples."

"We have to do super-blow in the hospital."

"The highway to Hell has guard rails!"

i've had 20mg, like for a kenny in your inbox :3

*has homosexual thoughts*

Whump Symbols Masterlist

Send one or more of the following for receiver's muse to discover sender's muse... (or include a 🔄 for the reverse!)

😈 ...being tortured.

🩸 ...bleeding out.

🦴 ...with a visibly broken bone.

🪡 ...patching, stitching, or cauterizing their own wounds.

🩹 ...beaten and left to die.

😵 ...unconscious.

🪑 ...collapsed or unable to stand.

⚡ ...being electrocuted.

🔍 ...suddenly returned after having gone missing.

🍽️ ...dying of starvation.

🥤 ...dying of thirst.

🕳️ ...fallen into a deep pit, hole, or ravine.

⛰️ ...dangling from a ledge.

👐 ...being strangled.

🔪 ...stabbed.

🔫 ...shot.

🌊 ...drowning.

🚬 ...covered in cigarette burns.

🤕 ...covered in bruises.

🫗 ...poisoned.

🥃 ...drunk.

💊 ...drugged or overdosed.

🐴 ...whipped.

⭕ ...branded.

🐍 ...bitten or stung by a venomous creature.

🤧 ...severely ill.

😨 ...having a dangerous allergic reaction.

🤰 ...suddenly going into labor at a bad time.

🔇 ...mute from trauma, shock, or conditioning.

🧍‍♂️ ...paralyzed.

🙈 ...blinded.

❓ ...suffering from amnesia.

💥 ...caught in an explosion.

🔥 ...trapped in a fire.

❄️ ...suffering from hypothermia.

🥵 ...suffering severe heat stroke.

📸 ...being publicly humiliated.

🗣️ ...being verbally assaulted.

💪 ...being physically assaulted.

💋 ...being sexually assaulted.

🪢 ...bound and gagged.

⛓️ ...chained up.

‼️ ...forced into a stress position.

🐶 ...collared and kept like an animal.

⚠️ ...having a panic or anxiety attack.

👹 ...experiencing sleep paralysis.

🛌 ...having a nightmare or night terror.

👁️ ...severely sleep deprived.

🛞 ...unable to drive safely or at all.

🚙 ...struck by a car.

🛻 ...in a car accident.

🏚️ ...trapped beneath a collapsed structure.

💣 ...with a bomb strapped to their body.

🚨 ...arrested and taken to jail or prison.

🚑 ...rushed to the ER.

⚰️ ...buried alive.

💀 ...on the verge of death.

🪦 ...dead.

Feel free to change whatever you like to make the wording more specific for your muses or desired scenario!

I am fucking silly but I am free