For the love of everything, please vote. This blog will return to a better mix of topics after the US election. For my lovely followers who don't vote in US elections, I am sorry. Very soon, this blog will again be a place for angry posts and reblogs, rants, off-topic rambling, and just general rabble rousing. I swear. Probably a lot. I'm an adult. “I am not beautiful but I could be.” - Emily Palermo
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Had My First Video Session With A New Therapist.
Had my first video session with a new therapist.
She:
1) Opened with a question she'd asked before, if I spoke with a doctor about my "hormones", saying that could be making me cry
2) Asked if I was vaccinated because she's had "other clients who've been sad after their COVID vax"
3) Said that isolation isn't really happening everywhere because it's all about "your level of comfort" in public gatherings
4) Asked (again) if I was ever married (I was, for nearly two decades, to an abuser, which i tolder her in my first be two communications with her)
5) Then said I'm sad because i didn't learn how to make friends as a child from my mother and (younger) brother
I:
1) Cried
2) Tried not to roll my eyes at her blatant Covidiot questions
3) Considered canceling all further sessions right then
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Fuck i thought this depressive episode was finally giving way to a little mania.
Turns out it was just all that serotonin from a popular (for me) story. Now that it's been a week, it's back, full force, just like the painting.
I need a community barn rasing for my life. Writing isn't working anymore
It is interesting to look through the posts here. This episode has been gradually picking up speed and has lasted longer than i remembered.
So depression lies, right?
And depression tells you to pull back, to pull away, to withdraw.
Withdraw from friends, withdraw from everything that makes you feel good, from life.
But at the same time, you're supposed to take care of yourself, and to be kind to yourself and not burn yourself out.
How do you tell the difference between cutting down on what you're doing because it's healthy self-care and cutting down on what you're doing because you're shutting down?
Am I hating everything I'm doing because I'm depressed and that's just how depression works? Or am I hating everything I'm doing because it fucking sucks and I need to cut it out?
Both?
Does anyone have a brain decoder ring they'd be willing to share? I swear I'll give it back.