Hey. If You're Still Having Sympathy And Compassion For The Person Who Hurt You, It's Really Ok.

Hey. If you're still having sympathy and compassion for the person who hurt you, it's really ok.

I said 'fuck that guy' in my last post. But it took me a really long time to get there. Also, that may never be how you feel about them. That's ok too. You don't have to hate them.

Your feelings toward them don't invalidate what happened to you. And your feelings certainly are not evidence that it 'wasn't that bad'.

I think there are a lot of people out there that think that there's a single 'correct' way to heal. You can process and heal in whatever way works for you. You don't have to follow someone else's blueprint.

Give yourself space, grace and time.

I realized recently that I don't think about him every day anymore. Often, still, but not every day.

I don't know how to track that kind of progress, but I'm grateful for it.

You hit a certain point in the healing process where these memories scandalize and enrage you.

It's progress.

Being sick is an excuse: Episode 5.

Once I had a bronchial infection and I was coughing terribly. I couldn't sleep, my head was always pounding, and I wasn't eating much.

He insisted we have sex. I was literally having coughing fits as it happened. When he finished he said "Well that wasn't much fun" and then sent me to sleep on the couch so I wouldn't infect him.

Can you imagine?

4am Musings

Is childhood inherently traumatizing?

I don't think compassion for your abuser is necessary, nor is it a reasonable expectation of abuse survivors. But it might be good for some survivors. It's possible to be compassionate without reinserting yourself in someone's life.

What you need could change throughout the years, and it could differ wildly from what someone else needs at that same moment in time. Situations that look the same aren't necessarily.

*Incoming metaphor, sorry* Healing from abuse is a twisted, vine-y road covered in thorns. You just have to figure out how to make your way with as few injuries as possible. That could be with a machete, or pruners, or some cautious, thoughtful navigation. Or some mixture of the 3.

I don't know. I'm still figuring it out myself. What I do know, is that anytime anyone's tried to tell me what's good for me, it's been starkly in contrast to what I needed at the time.

The Recloseted Lesbian. Compassion

It was years. YEARS.

May Sarton, from Recovering: A Journal [ID in alt text]