Hello All!

Hello All!

So, I realized that while I’ve interviewed three different author’s y’all don’t know the person asking the questions! Allow me to introduce myself.

Hello! I’m Alyce! I’m a 21 year old university student and I’ve written fan fictions for many different fandoms over the years. It started with obscure TV shows from the ‘90s and then went to One Direction, Doctor Who, Harry Potter, and 5 Seconds of Summer. I currently write BTS fan fiction on Wattpad. My account is FarFromSuga. (I also created a Tumblr account connected to my Wattpad account, so follow me there! FarFromSugaFanFic).

However, I want to keep the focus on the wonderful authors I interview. As someone who has been part of many fandoms and written fan fiction for various fandoms and in many genres, I noticed that people who write fan fiction often write just as well as published authors, or rather, those who simply aren’t writing fan fiction. 

Yet, fan fiction is still not well respected (despite it being widely read by many different demographics including those of varying age, race, national origin, gender identity, sexuality, etc.). I started this project for one of my classes at university, but I also started it to interview people who write fan fiction with the hopes of appealing to those who don’t read and/or respect fan fiction, but also, provide a service for the fan fiction community that hasn’t otherwise been fulfilled. 

I’ve seen projects like this take off in smaller forms within fan fiction communities or friend groups, but I want to give fan fiction readers a chance to get to know fan fiction authors. 

I will probably continue this project even after my class ends. I’ve been enjoying it and the reception has been overwhelming positive. I’m so touched by the amount of love and kind people within the fan fiction community. 

Feel free to message me if you’re interested in being interviewed, if you want to suggest someone for interview (please know that I will ask them, if they are uninterested I won’t push it further), and/or if you have any interesting questions for future interviews!

Also, feel free to ask me questions! I do want y’all to know me as well. You can do so through reblogging or messaging or however else (I’m new to Tumblr so I’m still figuring stuff out lol). If y’all really want maybe I’ll do a community interview of myself? However, like I said, I want to focus mainly on other authors!

Thank you!  

This Christmas

Genre: Producer!Yoongi, Fluff, Angst, slight enemies to lovers, Christmas-y

Pairing: Yoongi/Reader

Warnings: Portrayal of an abusive relationship (not involving Yoongi)

Synopsis: Yoongi doesn’t wanna work with a bubble gum idol like you. Especially not after your scandal where your and your manager’s relationship was revealed. And definitely not for a Christmas song.

✦✧✦✧

"You want me to what?" Yoongi asked. If this were a cartoon, his eyes would be bugging out of his head. The CEO of the company cleared his throat and looked at Yoongi over his glasses. It was obvious that despite being a high-level CEO of a successful music company, he was nervous to pitch this to his most successful producer.

"Listen, Yoongi, I know you're not happy about this. But, Y/N's comeback is crucial for her career. You know the scandal she had last year and this is her first comeback since then. We need this song to be everywhere. This why we need you to produce it."

"Okay, but like, a Christmas song? I know Y/N had a pretty pure image, but isn't that a bit much? Even for her?"

"Her scandal broke on Christmas Day last year. We thought having her do a Christmas song would help address that she moved on and wants to focus on her career."

Yoongi remembers your scandal a year ago. You'd been dating your manager. It was said you used his fondness of you to move up in the company. It was why you were a soloist and not in a group, why you didn't write your own songs but still got all the best ones, and why you had your good girl image. You were the role model for school girls everywhere in your pale pink skirts that matched your lips.

He'd never worked with you before. You were always so clean-cut, so bubblegum. It wasn't the type of song he wrote or worked on. In fact, despite working at the same company, and you being one of the largest idols signed with them, Yoongi didn't remember ever meeting you. He'd seen you passing, your manager placing his hand on the back of your skull to shield you from the camera flashes. Your hood up and a mask pulled up to cover most of your face.

"I've never done one of her songs. Why this one?"

"After the last year, it's impossible for Y/N to go back to her pure image. It just isn't believable. We need you because you don't do typical sounding songs."

Yoongi thought for a moment. An edgy Christmas song? Certainly possible, but could you really pull it off?

"It will be a new version of Last Christmas. We want it to be heartbreaking. Address the scandal without directly commenting. You have a knack for subtly that she needs."

"All right," he said. He knew he had no choice in the matter and it was only one song. Yoongi hadn't made his name as a producer doing bubblegum songs, but the company allowed him to release his own music under their label as long as he produced all the other artist's songs they asked of him. "But I'm not going to be like the other producers she's worked with."

✦✧✦✧

The night before your and Yoongi's first recording session he pulled up a playlist of your songs. You had a good voice, Yoongi would admit. He listened to a few seconds of each. You had the sweetheart image with mostly upbeat pop songs with a few heartbreak ballads mixed in. They were all written by the best songwriters at the company, except for Yoongi, of course. He'd never written for you, although you had considered one of his songs once.

A few emails exchanged before you ghosted him. "Wine" ended up going to another soloist and had won Yoongi an award, he really didn't care. After the scandal, you had the spoiled brat look. And, honestly, it didn't surprise Yoongi. Everyone knew you came from a well off background and went to a private school that the company commonly scouted at.

Girls like you always had talent, but you always ended up destroying yourselves. He was surprised you were even trying for a comeback instead of taking the money you'd made so far and setting yourself up to live off royalties until your name was forgotten enough to re-invent yourself.

When the scandal broke, Yoongi had just released a new mixtape. It affected the entire company, causing the sales and streams of his album to plateau. He silently cursed your name as he tweeted album links.

✦✧✦✧

Yoongi sat in his studio. The hood of his black hoodie pulled over his head and slightly crouched in his chair, he worked on your song. While he didn't have your vocal yet, he could easily work on the instrumental. It was tricky. "Last Christmas" was an iconic Christmas song that needed to be recognizable, but he also needed to make it different and stand out from every other cover.

His phone vibrated. It was you.

Y/N: I'm heading down now

You were most likely heading downstairs from the dance studios. He took off his headphones and soon heard a gentle knock on the door. He kept a lock on his studio to prevent anyone from bothering him while he worked. Only a few people had the code. And only to make sure Yoongi left every couple days.

Opening the door, he first saw your small smile. All lip, no teeth, yet still friendly. Behind you stood your manager, the one with who you'd had the scandal. Despite your break up being publicized, he was contracted as your manager for another year. Yoongi had no idea why you didn't just buy him out and let the poor kid get on with his life.

"Hi," you said softly, bowing politely before walking inside and leaving your shoes by the door. Your hair was up in a ponytail and you wore a blue sweatshirt three sizes too big. "It's nice to finally meet the famous Suga."  

He returned a tight-lipped smile and reached out to shake your hand, but your manager stepped in front and shook took Yoongi's hand instead. "I'm Kwanho, Y/N's manager."

Yoongi nodded, giving the man an odd look as you skirted to the side. He noticed the way you balled up your hands in your sleeves and looked down at the ground when the other man pushed you out of the way.

"Nice to meet you," Yoongi said. "If you give me your number, I'll call you when we finish for the day or if we need anything."

Yoongi motioned to the recording booth and you walked in, putting on your headphones and immediately taking your place. You seemed to relax as you prepared yourself in the booth, beginning to test the microphone and adjust the cords around your feet.

"Oh, no, I actually stay in the studio with Y/N."

Yoongi paused. "Uh, well, I tend to work better when it's just me and the artist. You know, so I can kinda get a feel for them and get the best vocals."

"She's more comfortable when I'm here."

Yoongi glanced over at you in the booth. You seemed much more comfortable by yourself in the recording booth than you had with your manager and ex-boyfriend.

"She seems fine. Listen, this is my studio and it's a bit small. I really don't like people getting in the way."

Your manager fumed, his hair beginning to stand up and his face growing red. His fists clench around the water bottle he carried and he sighed.

"Fine," he said. "Just let me give this to her."

Kwanho walked into the booth, his form completely hid yours as he stood in Yoongi's view. He saw the man hand you the water bottle. Even after you took it, the man loomed over you for a few extra seconds.

Knowing he had an audience, your manager soon left the booth and the studio. When Yoongi heard the lock click shut, he turned on his mic to talk to you.

"Y/N?" he asked. "You ready to get some vocals. Need to warm up at all?"

You shook your head. "No, I warmed up while we were waiting."

✦✧✦✧

It had been nearly a year since you'd recorded anything in a studio. Yet, nothing felt foreign. You had immediately adjusted everything to your preferences. Taking a sip of water as Yoongi started the music, you began singing. Your phone was full of practice runs from the night before. You didn't want to embarrass yourself in front of the famed producer of your company.

You had no idea what he'd said to Kwanho to make him leave, but your stomach had untied its knots when you saw him leave the studio. Even with Yoongi's critical gaze, you were used to tough producers.

"That was good," Yoongi said. "But, I listened to some of your tracks last night and I know you can do better. Think you could lower your voice a bit on the chorus."

"Lower it?" As a soprano, you were used to coaches and producers pushing your voice to its highest notes and octaves. Rarely ever did your lower range get explored. "Uh, I can try. But why?"

"Well, this comeback is supposed both your vulnerability and strength, right? if we explore the range of your voice more, it will show a different side of you. Plus, if your vocal isn't perfect it might show some of the vulnerability we want."

Your eyes widened and you nodded as the track started again.

4 Hours Later

Yoongi was growing frustrated. Your vocals were fine, but only that. They weren't anything special. He couldn't entirely blame you. You weren't used to singing in your lower register and it seemed your vocal coaches only cared about cultivating your voice for the cutesy songs of your past.

He sighed and rubbed his temples. "All right, let's take a break," he said. "I think we both need it."

You came out of the booth and almost immediately held the phone to your ear. His brow furrowed as he wondered who you were calling so immediately.

"Hey, we're taking a break."

Based on the quick response and hang up, Yoongi knew exactly who it was.

"Is he bringing you lunch?"

You nodded and sat down on the small loveseat Yoongi kept at the back of his studio for the artists or few visitors that came in. Pulling your knees up to your chest, he couldn't help but notice how much smaller you looked. When he'd seen you before the scandal, you looked healthy and filled out all your tight skirts and dresses.

Maybe it was just the oversized sweatshirt, but you looked thinner. Your collarbones stretching your skin and your cheekbones more prominent. He walked over to where he kept an electric kettle and started heating water.

"Want some spicy noodles?"

You shook your head.

A knock sounded and you got up. Letting your manager, Yoongi cause his hard gaze. He handed you a bag and refilled your water bottle. "Remember you're on a diet, okay?" he said.

You nodded.

"So, how's it going? Got enough for the song?"

"Not yet," you said. "We're working on it. Yoongi is really pushing me, but I think it will turn out well."

"I hope he's not working you too hard."

"Of course not, I love being back in the studio."

Yoongi poured the hot water into the instant noodles. "I think we'll need another day. Clear her schedule tomorrow."

Kwanho blinked twice. "Y/N is talented. I have every confidence it will only take one session."

"How long have you been her manager? Surely, you know it can take multiple sessions to get everything I need."

"I haven't recorded for a while, Kwanho. It's just cause I'm out of practice."

Your manager sneered and dropped the water bottle. "Fine," he said. Leaving the studio in a huff, he didn't seem to realize he'd spilled the water all over Yoongi's studio.

"I'm sorry," you said, looking around for something to soak up the mess. "He's just protective and doesn't like leaving me alone."

"Didn't you two break up?"

"Yeah, which I think made it worse."

Even if the two of you were still dating, Yoongi sensed something wrong. He pulled out paper towels from a nearby drawer and dropped to his knees to help you.

"He's kind of a dick."

"He wasn't always. Would you believe he was once really sweet?"

"Maybe he acted that way."

The two of you ate in relative silence, only piping up to discuss the song or the general happenings of the company. Yoongi finished his noodles and you finished your salad. After a few sips of water, you walked back into the recording booth.

✦✧✦✧

It wasn't until nine o'clock that night when you and Yoongi finally agreed that enough progress was made. Yoongi waited for Kwanho to pick you up and he watched as the light he'd seen in you when you recorded slowly dimmed.

He didn't knock this time, opting instead to text you. You answered the door and he walked in. Without a greeting, he met Yoongi's eyes. "She's free tomorrow. But let's make sure to finish this up tomorrow. We only have a few weeks before we have to release."

"Last I checked you weren't my boss," he said. "I understand the timeline and the song will be done in time."

Yoongi turned to you. "If you record anything good tonight, you can text it to me. If it's good quality, we might be able to use it."

"Wait, you have his number?" Kwanho asked, grabbing your bicep.

"Yeah, I've had it since I showed interest in his song a year ago." You glanced at Yoongi quickly before bringing your eyes back to your manager. "We're working together. I don't see why it's a big deal."

"If you need to text him recordings text them to me and I'll get them to him."

You scoffed. "Kwaho! Stop being so jealous, this is ridiculous."

The atmosphere came to a boiling point and all Yoongi could focus on was you. The way you puffed out your chest at your ex-boyfriend and called him out. But, he noticed the fear in your eyes, the way you flinched when Kwanho let go of your arm.

"Let's go, Y/N. We can talk about this later." Opening the studio door, Kwanho motioned for you to leave before him. "And, you," he made sharp eye contact with Yoongi. "Delete her number."

You and Kwanho disappeared through the door and Yoongi locked his phone, placing it back in his pocket.

✦✧✦✧

Yoongi stayed in the studio after you left. It wasn't unusual for him to stay until the early hours of the morning. Sometimes, he would even sleep on the couch and get a few hours of sleep before continuing in the morning.

The deadline for your song didn't warrant such actions. Instead, he just sat in his studio and read back through his notes from the day. There were a few bits of your backing vocals from the day that he wanted to include on the final track, but the main vocal still needed work.

Thinking back over the day, he was surprised at how different you were from what he believed. You were soft-spoken, polite, and good to work with. You took direction well, but pushed back when Yoongi got too caught up in the production that he made a bad call about your voice.

Kwanho--on the other hand--wasn't the loyal manager you took advantage of. At least, not from what Yoongi had seen today. He'd heard others at the company say you deserved it for using your relationship to get special treatment. But something didn't feel right about the way your manager still held control over you.

✦✧✦✧

It rarely snowed in November in Seoul. Yet, as Yoongi stepped outside around midnight, he was met with cold, wet snow that soaked the ends of his hair. He walked towards his apartment that was only a few blocks away when his phone rang. It was you.

"Suga?" you asked, and Yoongi realized he hadn't even told you his real name.

"Yes," he said. "What's up? Did you get a good recording?"He heard sniffles on the other line and he stopped walking. "Y/N? What's wrong?"

"We fought after we left and I finally fired him. But now I have nothing," you said. "He took everything. My apartment, my money, everything. I was wondering if I could stay in your studio for the night until I can figure something out."

Yoongi looked up at the snow and felt it soaking through his clothes. "Where are you?"

"I'm outside the company building. I don't have my ID."

"I just left. I'm on my way."

✦✧✦✧

Yoongi handed you a cup of coffee. You wore his sweatshirt and a pair of his sweats. It felt a little embarrassing and you knew what the tabloids would think you were taking advantage of yet another at your company.

"I don't have creamer or anything, sorry," he said.

You smiled. "Suga doesn't have any sugar." You took a sip of coffee and felt his gaze on you. When you looked up, you saw him smiling at you and holding in his laughter until you met eyes.

"It's amazing that you can make jokes when your life is changing," he said.

"The lawyers will handle everything," you said. "Plus, what can I do now other than finish the song?"

There was a pause, but unlike when you were in meetings with the company executives, or when the silences between you and Kwanho led to explosions, it was content.

"I need to apologize to you, Y/N."

Your brow furrowed. "Why? You've been so nice to me."

"I judged you. I believed the press, too. Even up until yesterday, I believed you were entitled and the one taking advantage of Kwanho, not the other way around."

"There was no way you could've known, Suga. But I appreciate it."

"Yoongi," he said. "Call me, Yoongi."

✦✧✦✧

"What if we change the song?" Yoongi said, halfway through the next day when nothing was coming together like both of you wanted.

"What do you mean?"

"Instead of focusing on Last Christmas, what if we wrote a new version that focuses on how you've changed for the better."

"This Christmas?" you said, your voice rising in pitch.

"Actually, yes."

✦✧✦✧

BREAKING: Y/N RELEASES NEW CHRISTMAS SONG PRODUCED BY SUGA THAT DETAILS PAST RELATIONSHIP ABUSE

Today, Y/N released her first song following last year's Christmas Day scandal that revealed that she was dating her manager. She is due to have her first comeback stage later this month.

The song, "This Christmas" discusses how when the news broke that it had been an attempt to control her. Her ex-boyfriend and manager leaked the news himself to prevent the singer from breaking up with and firing him. It focuses on the strength this experience brought her.

Y/N and her ex-manager are currently involved in a lawsuit that alleges that her manager used his privileged position on her staff to access her bank accounts and important documents. He then used this access to steal from the singer and commit various other crimes against her. Additionally, Y/N has told other sources that she was frequently controlled and emotionally abused while in the relationship.

This new song has already performed well on the charts and shows a new side to Y/N and her music. Famed producer, Suga, produced the song and spoke out in support of Y/N. The two have since been seen together on multiple occasions following the release of the song. A new Christmas romance for Y/N?

“Once james opens his box you can see harrys face change because he knew at that point it didnt matter if he had it or niall did, he was getting a tattoo.”  xxxxx

Winter Bear

Genre: Roommates AU, Fluff

Pairing: Taehyung/Reader

Warnings: cursing

Synopsis: Your new roommate Taehyung can’t seem to let you work in peace. Yet, when you inevitably fall asleep working every night, you never question why you wake up in your bed.

✦✧✦✧

“Y/N! Hold still!” your roommate, Taehyung said. He brought the camera that hung around his neck up to his eyes and the flash caught you off guard. The camera was at least thirty years old and he often spent late nights on campus developing the photos himself.

“Hey!” you said. “What was that about?”

“Your hair is messed up,” he said. “It framed your face well.”

You weren’t expecting such a serious answer. You simply blinked and took another sip of your drink. It was your second of the night and you were already beginning to feel a little tipsy.  Taehyung walked away after, continuing to take photographs of the party. You noticed Jimin posing for him–giggling and his face flushed–he’d surely regret a few of those poses in the morning.

It was only because of Jimin that you lived with Taehyung. You’d both been looking for a roommate around the same time and both mentioned it to Jimin. The two of you signed the lease before even meeting. It had been a week before classes started and you needed a place before you drained your bank account living in a hotel.

You really had no issues with Taehyung so far. Sure, you would be content simply sharing the space–you didn’t expect to become friends–but Taehyung inserted himself seamlessly in your life. Just enough to not be overbearing, but enough that you occasionally wanted to wring his neck.

“So, have you and Tae fucked yet?” Jimin asked, taking a sip of his beer. He was far past tipsy and you hoped he didn’t puke on your carpet. Not even a week into your new place and you were already at risk of not getting the deposit back.

“What the fuck?” you asked, hardly able to keep yourself from laughing. “We’ve lived together for five days. Do you think I’m that desperate?”

“Nah, I just know the effect Tae has on women.”

“Do we know the same Taehyung?” You looked over at the blond who was currently snapping pictures of Yoongi, who slept on the couch farthest from the main party. “He’s too pure and cute.”

Jimin smirked. “Exactly.”

You rolled your eyes as you poured another drink into your plastic cup. You’d started off with beer, then whiskey, and now you were onto rum and Coke. You were buzzed and you knew Jimin could tell as his eyes raked over you in concern.

“Don’t drink too much,” he said, cutely pouting out his lips.

“Why not? I’m already in my apartment and I won’t get to party like this til winter break.” You sipped your drink and bobbed your head to the music. Your demeanor shifting quickly, you grabbed hold of Jimin’s wrists and drug him out into the living room where most of the partygoers were. Music thumped softly. It was just loud enough to dance to, but not so loud that the cops would get called. “Come on, show me how those dance classes have paid off.”

Before long, Jimin was smiling and giggling as the two of you danced and drank and danced and drank and danced and…

You opened your eyes. There was no longer any music and you only caught a glimpse of a black T-shirt. Your head hurt and your vision blurred. A hand came out and grabbed your shoulder, it was gentle, fingertips only barely connecting with the fabric of your blouse.

“Jimin?” You reached out and took a handful of his shirt. “Is that you? It feels like you.”

“Uh–”

“Mm, can you take me to my room? I feel so heavy and you’re soo strong.” A lazy smile came across your face. You’d always marveled that Jimin could carry you so easily despite not being that much bigger than you.

You felt yourself being lifted and arms resting under your knees and around your shoulders. Instinctively, you curled your nose into his chest. Something seemed off. After a party, Jimin normally smelled of sweat and whiskey. This time you caught a faint whiff of cologne and what you thought was Coke.

Before you could mutter anything else, your back connected with your bed, and the covers were pulled up to your chest. Your eyes closed and you heard nothing else.

✦✧✦✧

It was 11 pm and Taehyung had an early class the next day. Coming out of the bathroom, he was accustomed to seeing light seeping underneath the crack of your door. You typically got off work at 9 and he imagined that you stayed up doing homework. Although, unlike Taehyung, you didn’t work weekends, making him wonder why you didn’t get the majority of work done then.

Curious, he inched closer to your door. The two of you had lived together a month now. He wouldn’t say you were friends, but you certainly didn’t hate each other. Occasionally, the two of you would hunker down on the couch with popcorn and watch a movie. Even if you barely talked through it, the way neither of you flinched away when your hands brushed in the popcorn bowl let him know that you didn’t despise him.

He knocked on your door before he could stop himself. Taehyung froze until he heard your barely audible, “Come in.”

Opening the door, he found you at your desk. Notebooks and books spread across your desk, the floor, and even your lap. You and your laptop were in the middle of it all, your hair pulled up into a messy ponytail, and your makeup from work beginning to leave streaks of black under your eyes.

“What’s up?” you asked, only glancing up at him before you returned to furiously typing.

“I, uh, I just noticed your light was on–is always on.”

“Oh, don’t worry, I won’t keep you up.”

“That’s not–” he started, pausing when he noticed the cute way you chewed your cheek in thought. “What are you working on anyway?”

“My script,” you said.

“For a class?”

“No, for me.”

Taehyung perked up. “You write scripts? I’m an acting minor. You know, if you ever need someone to film with.”

You stopped typing and truly met his eyes for the first time during the conversation. “Thanks,” you said, your eyes narrowing and shoulders dropping. “I’ll keep that in mind.”

Taehyung fidgeted as he noticed your obvious annoyance. “Do–do you need anything?”

You shook your head and went back to typing. Taehyung watched you for a moment, daring you to change your mind. But, after a few moments of silence, he slowly slinked out of the room.

✦✧✦✧

It became a routine. Taehyung knocking on your door in his pajama pants a T-shirt. Usually, his hair was a little damp as he took showers before bed.

“How’s the script coming?” he asked, crossing his arms and leaning against the doorframe in possibly the most cliche posture you’d ever seen.

“Fine,” you said, just like every night.

“I brought you a snack,” he said, walking into your room, looking between you and the door as he were trespassing and setting a bag of hot Cheetos on your desk.

“Oh, I don’t like hot Cheetos,” you said. “Sorry.”

Taehyung’s face fell. “I thought you liked spicy things?”

“Yeah, they taste too fake though. Thank you, it was really nice of you.” You’d become less annoyed with Tae’s late night visits, even found yourself checking the clock and listening as he got out of the shower.

You looked up and watched as Taehyung turned around and readied himself to leave. A small pang rang through your chest like a morning bell when you saw the way his shoulders were slouched and his mouth sat in a defeated line.

“Tortilla chips,” you said. “I tend to crave tortilla chips when I work.”

Taehyung smiled at you. It wasn’t the full boxy smile you’d seen him use around Jimin or his friends, but there was something behind it that made your stomach feel warm.

✦✧✦✧

The next night Taehyung knocked lightly on your door. He held a bag of tortilla chips and tried not to crinkle it before you gave him the okay to come in.

But it never came.

“Y/N?” Taehyung asked softly. When you again didn’t answer, Taehyung’s brow furrowed and he slowly turned the knob, hoping he wouldn’t regret going in. He opened the door and peered over to your desk. The set up was the same. Books, notebooks, your laptop, everything in their rightful places. Except for this time, your head was on the keyboard, your face turned towards the door and your mouth slightly open.

Taehyung chuckled as he realized you were asleep. Between work, homework, and the script you were working on, he honestly wondered how you stayed sane, not to mention awake. Your laptop had gone to sleep as well, but the screensaver reflected off your face and he couldn’t help but chuckle as he set the chips down on your nightstand.

“You need to stop working so hard,” he said. “I’m gonna  have to keep carrying you to bed.”

He reached down and cleared the book off your lap, cringing as it landed with a thud on the floor. Taehyung glanced over to make sure it hadn’t woken you up, but you were still sound asleep. He carefully wrapped his arms under our legs and around your shoulders, lifting you as gently as he could.

It was only a few steps to your bed, but you had managed to curl into his chest. He held back his laughter and carefully adjusted you so that he could reach down and pull back the covers. Setting you down, he pulled the covers up and piled the books and notebooks onto your desk. Taehyung quietly shuffled towards the door and shut off the light on his way out.

✦✧✦✧

You woke the next morning. You sighed, immediately feeling the rough fabric of your jeans keeping you from stretching out across the bed. Glancing over at your desk, your things were stacked neatly, something you rarely ever did. But, there were so many things you didn’t remember from the night before.

You remembered coming home from work, working on your screenplay, and then only the smell of Jimin’s cologne from that party a few months ago. Did Jimin come over? Did you drink? You smelled your clothes, not catching a whiff of alcohol. You shrugged, it’d been a while since you’d actually slept in your bed, normally falling asleep at your desk. Although, you typically managed to change when you got home from work. You weren’t overly concerned, Jimin was one of your best friends and you knew that he probably just put you in bed and left.

Reaching for your phone, you stopped as you noticed a large bag of tortilla chips on your nightstand. You smiled as you realized that Taehyung must’ve come in like normal, but found you asleep.

Walking into the kitchen, you noticed Taehyung standing in front of the stove and frying a few eggs, a mug of hot chocolate half-drank on the counter beside him. Taehyung wasn’t much of a cook, but he usually managed to cook himself eggs in the morning.

“Thanks for the chips,” you said, opening the fridge and grabbing your protein shake. You weren’t much of a morning person, so you prepared them all on the weekends so you didn’t have to cook.

“Oh, you’re welcome. It was really nothing.” The eggs were overdone by the time he finally slid them onto the plate and you couldn’t help but smile.

It was Friday which meant today was your last day of class and work.

“I, uh, just wanted to say thanks. I’ll let you get ready for class.”

He glanced up. His chopsticks halfway between his plate and mouth. “Do you want some eggs? I can make you some. You seemed tired last night. You probably need the protein.”

“Oh, I have a protein shake,” you said. “I’m okay. You really don’t have to worry about me so much Tae.”

You left the room, missing how Taehyung smiled at the new nickname. He pushed the eggs around his plate as he remembered how you looked with the covers pulled around you.

✦✧✦✧

The sun came through your window and the warmth hit your face pulling you out of your slumber. You were in your bed again and you couldn’t help but smile at the feel of the sheet against the bare skin of your legs.

It was 9:30. A little earlier than you usually woke up on a Saturday, but the last thing you remembered the night before was working on the climax of your script. You were so close to finishing, although then you would spend all your time editing. The submission period was only a few weeks away and you couldn’t miss it, even if it meant sacrificing the little sleep you got.

You walked into the living room on your way to the kitchen and jumped as you noticed a figure on the couch. Taehyung sat on the couch, in his work clothes, asleep. You’d fully expected him to be gone already. He worked the early weekend shift at the coffee shop down the street and you were used to having the apartment nearly to yourself on the weekends.

“Taehyung?” you said. Your voice soft and hesitant as you approached him. He wore a white sweatshirt and the hood was pulled over his head. Only the very ends of his hair were visible and his mouth lay slightly open. You almost didn’t want to wake him up.

“Taehyung,” you said again, a little louder. You touched his shoulder lightly. “Tae, shouldn’t you be at work?” As neared you him, you thought you smelled something familiar, something that reminded you of cuddling into your pillow late at night.

His eyes shot open and he darted around you as he rushed to locate his keys. “Shit.” He finally found his keys on the coffee table in front of him and started towards the door. “Thanks, Y/N” He shot you a kind smile before rushing out the door.

✦✧✦✧

You let out a breath and relaxed your shoulders as you hit ‘Submit’. The script was finished and entered into the contest. You didn’t expect to win, but it came with the opportunity for feedback and you couldn’t pass that up.

A knock sounded at your door and it opened a few minutes later. Taehyung didn’t need your confirmation anymore, only waiting if he heard your voice.

“Hey,” he said. “I’m gonna be headed home tomorrow and I wanted to give you this before I left.” From behind his back, he pulled out a massive package wrapped mostly neatly, only the edges showing some crinkling. Based on the size, you were surprised he’d even managed to keep it hidden as he walked into the room.

“Oh,” you said, jumping up from your desk and opening your closet. You pulled out a significantly smaller package. “I actually got you something too.”

Taehyung gapped at you in surprise. “You got me a Christmas present?”

You fidgeted. “You’ve always been so nice to me,” you said, thinking of all the times Taehyung checked up on you and bought you snacks for your late night work. “I thought now that its break and my script is done that I should do something to pay you back.”

Taehyung failed at holding back his smile. He took the package from you and motioned towards his present for you. “Open yours first.”

You tore open the paper and found a body pillow. You nearly squealed in delight and hugged it to your chest. “How did you know I wanted one of these?”

Taehyung beamed. “I noticed how you always clung to me when I carried you to bed so I figured that you like to cuddle things in your sleep.” When he finished the sentence, his eyes grew wide and he opened his mouth to say more, but nothing came out.

“Wait,” you said. “It was you who carried me to bed after the party?”

“Uh yeah,” he said. “And, kinda whenever you fell asleep at your desk.” He slouched and stood awkwardly, like a scolded puppy.

You laughed. “I’m so stupid. I always thought I was sleepwalking to my bed or something. But it was you.”

“Wait, so you’re not mad?”

“Well, I probably should because it is a little weird, I guess. But, I think the pounds of tortilla chips and this pillow make up for it.” Something made you want to run forward and fall against his chest. Smell his cologne that made your eyes immediate lull and want to close. But instead, you said, “Open yours.”

He tore open the paper and opened the small box to find a stack of printed pictures. They were all from the party before classes started. When you’d first had them developed, you were surprised by how Tae seemed to capture people in their most real moments. Not their most beautiful moments or their darkest moments, but the ones where they were crying at a friend’s joke or dancing as the beat dropped.

When you’d come across the one of you, with messy hair, flushed cheeks, for some reason, you thought it was the best picture of you.

“Jimin told me that you were scared to have them developed,” you said. “I’m sorry if you didn’t want to see them, but they’re beautiful, Taehyung.”

Taehyung pulled in for a hug and your head hit his chest before you could realize it. You fell into the hug naturally though, your eyes closing and your arms slinking around his waist. He didn’t pull away and neither did you. Your breathing began to even out, you weren’t asleep, but even though you were standing, you could easily fall asleep. Taehyung’s arms around you made you feel like you were floating.

“You know,” Taehyung said, his chin coming to rest on the top of your head. “You’re kinda like a bear.”

“What?” you asked, pulling away from his chest and looking up at him.

He looked down at you for a few moments before he reached up and pushed some hair out of your face. He smiled, more of a smirk, one corner of his mouth higher than the other.

“You come off so grumpy and like you don’t want to be bothered.” He lifted you off your feet, laughing as you yelped with surprise. He sat laid you on your bed, but unlike the times before, he climbed in beside you. Taehyung’s arms wrapped around you and pulled you flush against his body. You turned around so you could bury your nose in his T-shirt. Right at the divet between his collarbones.

You hardly could question your actions or his for that matter. You’d be lying if you said that you hadn’t thought about resting your head on his chest or feeling his warm breath on your ears. Or, that you hadn’t noticed Taehyung’s odd glances when you came into the common areas in a pair of shorts that hugged your skin so well that you almost forgot you were wearing them.

You already felt yourself falling asleep. The tension from your neck and shoulders releasing and Tae’s hands pushing your hair back only made you want to spend the winter hibernating in his arms. He pressed a small, hesitant kiss to your hairline.

“But, you really just want someone to cuddle you. Just like a bear.”

Sammy Interview

Before we get started, do you mind introducing yourself and telling a bit about yourself? 

My name is Sammy. I’m 34 years old, a college graduate with a background in cultural anthropology as well as women, gender, and sexuality studies. I’m particularly interested in queer and feminist methodologies. I live with my partner of some 15 years, who is also a fanfiction writer.

Q1: So, you told me that you’ve been writing fan fiction for 20+ years which is awesome! How did it all get started and what kind of fan fiction have you written in that time?

A1:  Like a lot of fangirls of my generation, anime was my introduction to fanfiction.  I grew up watching Sailor Moon when it first aired on American network television. It was love at first sight. There was nothing else like it on TV. At my local Blockbuster I discovered anime. It wasn’t as readily available then as it is now. Because the english dubs were so limited I ended up watching the same OVA rentals over and over - Ranma ½, RG Veda, Vampire Princess Miyu. First I wrote stories in my head, then I started writing them down. When I recieved my own computer and constant access to the internet, I went searching for fansites. Secreted behind unassuming links I found small clutches of fanfiction. This was before fanfiction.net first took off, and An Archive of Our Own was well over a decade away. Fansites had webrings, which took me to the next fansite, and so on.  It really was a matter of finding the right webring for a given show and following the thread.

I began with writing Sailor Moon fanfiction, and as Cartoon Network’s late night block of programming (Toonami) expanded, the more I wrote. Gundam Wing fandom introduced me to shipping and it blew my mind.

I moved away from anime when the Harry Potter movies happened. A lot of us made the transition to book and movie based fandoms when someone discovered Harry/Draco. After that I found DC comics, and then became very active in the Star Trek reboot fandom. I’ve written for Stargate: Atlantis, BBC Sherlock and Hannibal and so, so many other shows/books/video games. I’ve been an active participant in Yuletide, which is an anonymous holiday fanfic exchange, and multiple Big Bangs -another fanfic/fanart exchange- as well as a kinkmeme prompt filler for years.

Q2: What pushed you to begin sharing your fan fiction?

A2: The mailing lists. In the early days of fandom private yahoo groups and message boards were the main venue for posting and reading fanfiction. Most mailing lists were fandom based and created for specific content - like Gundam Wing Slash, GundamWingGEN and CRACKSHIP. These became high volume, tight knit communities. It wasn’t unusual to have your mail box refreshing on the left side of the monitor, while you chatted with members on AIM on the right side. There was a lot of encouragement, experimentation, and collaboration. You posted your fanfiction to the list, or board, and people cheered. It was all so exciting.  It’s hard to describe now how close we all were, and just how much fellow-feeling fueled hundreds of emails a day. This was my online family, my community. I didn’t need a push or moment of courage to post my early fanfiction - I was delighted to share, invited to share. It was an electrifying thing to be part of.

Q3: Were you scared to post it online?

A3: Not at all. I didn’t need to be scared - none of us did. No one outside these early lists and boards knew what we were doing. I really can’t emphasize enough how guarded the early fanfiction community was. We were incredibly insulated. Our families didn’t know, our teachers and co-workers were oblivious, popular culture wasn’t shitting on fanfiction writers because it didn’t know we were writing. I wasn’t scared to press ‘send’, but it did feel dangerous, a little rebellious. There was a sense of getting away with something.

Q4: Has writing fan fiction taught you anything? About writing? Reading? Something else?

A4: On a basic level, fanfiction taught me how to write. Structure, pace, dialogue - I was taught those things in a classroom, but I learned them by writing fanfiction. We all taught ourselves to write by writing for each other. We created an entire literary movement without an MA in literature, or a structured pedagogy. Fanfiction writers generated new narrative traditions, like the Five Things + 1 format (a breakaway from the three-act story), Hurt/Comfort, and a language of tagging that defies classical genre rules - all because we were messing around.

Writing fanfiction has taught me the value of questioning western literary rules and conventions, that writing for myself and my own pleasure is valid.  It’s also taught me that I don’t like to write alone. One of the things that makes fanfiction so special for me is that so much of it happens in conversation with other writers and readers. My best writing experiences have been in simpatico with total strangers, on AIM, in livejournal comment threads, gchat.  I’m not writing “original fiction” because I lack imagination; it’s just too lonely.

Q5: Do you ever want to be published in a professional capacity one day?

A5: I do, though I feel like this is a bit of a fraught subject for fanfiction writers.  There’s an compulsion to say yes, of course I plan to publish one day, as if that end goal legitimates the fanfiction I write. I don’t want to contribute to the idea of fanfiction as a lesser form of literature- a stepping stone to Real Writing - but yes. I started writing creative nonfiction in community college.  That writing comes from a very different place than fanfiction. It satisfies another hunger.

Q6: How you feel about the stigma surrounding fan fiction and fan fiction writers? Or, do you not feel any stigma at all?

A6: I think the stigma towards fanfiction is pushback from multiple sociological and institutional sources.

In the beginning we had the sense that fanfiction - slash fanfiction - wasn’t something to bring up outside of those digital spaces we made for ourselves. We knew it would be considered an auteur kink at best, or downright perverted plagiarism at worst (I think this is largely still the case). Before the community found the language to discuss slash and fanfiction as transformative works - as deconstructions of conventional media, gender roles, and sexuality - there was an ethos of compartmentalization to the whole thing.

Q7: Do you think that stigma is warranted? (Whether or not you have personally experience it?)

A7: No.

I touched on this earlier, but I believe the stigma and hostility towards fanfiction is firmly rooted in gender and non-normative sexuality. The writing we do is generally characterized as a feminine endeavour, which immediately marks it as inferior to a literary canon that values the masculine so highly. The perception that fanfiction is a plagiarism of male authored source material makes it all the more egregious.

Equally as foundational, is the reduction of fanfiction to gay porn written by straight cis women for straight cis women - fanfiction is not only shit writing, it’s perverted and weird.

I’ve never been ashamed of the fanfiction I write, or read. Embarrassed maybe, of those first earnest attempts at writing. But fanfiction does not have a monopoly on bad writing. I can just as easily find the same trash in Barnes & Noble. So, quality is not and never has been a valid criticism.

Q8: What’s your favorite piece of fan fiction you’ve ever written? Why?

A8: A gen fic I wrote for Star Trek (AOS). I’m a leisurely writer, and stories don’t just hit me whole and complete in one go. But this one did. It took three hours to write and I didn’t have to think about where I was going after finishing a paragraph, the next was already there, I just had to type it out. It’s never come that easy before or since. It’s not my most popular piece of fanfiction, but I can go back and read it and not feel like I need to change anything.

Q10: Do you write outside of fan fiction?

A10: I do - until recently I was writing up lesson plans for classes I was co-facilitating. Generally, when I’m not writing fanfiction I’m working on creative non-fiction. I use the frame of gender analysis and sexuality studies (among others) to write about my life.

Q11: What site do you prefer to write and post your fan fiction on?

A11: An Archive of Our Own (AO3). The tagging system is superior and the site is far more user friendly than ff.net, which is an absolute dumpster fire.  

Q12: What’s something you want people outside the fan fiction community to know about the fan fiction community?

We’re not a monolith. Teenage girls are the cultural face of fanfiction, but so many of us are in our 30s and 40s, old fandom queens from those first private mailing lists, boards, and LiveJournal accounts. We have soul sucking jobs. We have degrees in STEM. We teach college, have kids and debt, and friendships that have lasted decades.. We are not, and never have been a homogenous group of straight cis women. Asexuality and gender fluidity abounds. Plenty of us experience disability and chronic illness.  And we aren’t a small group of weirdos obsessed with Johnlock. We’re an enormous and diverse group of weirdos who have created a literary movement.

181012 Namjoon’s Tweet

bye LDN 🍃🍁