feysand-dot-acotar - ⋆In libras, libertas⋆
⋆In libras, libertas⋆

In books, freedomIlina | XV | Ravenclaw | [email protected] on Instagram

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6 years ago
Be Like Thor, Be There To Support Your Loved Ones,accept Who They Are And Celebrate Them

be like Thor, be there to support your loved ones,accept who they are and celebrate them

6 years ago

The Ultimate Percy Jackson Characterization Masterpost

Because I have been talking about this for months and a lot of other people have too, but it’s disjointed. I want to compile it, since his mischaracterization breaks my heart and makes me want to scream with rage. Please add if you think of something I didn’t! I’m also starting the tag “#percy jackson defense squad”, so feel free to start dumping your salt and rage and theories and ideas in there because I wanna hear them!

Trigger warnings for mentions of suicidal thoughts, sexual abuse, child abuse, and domestic violence.

Percy had a really, really rough childhood.

Percy was abused. A lot of people don’t realize the gravity of this maybe ‘cause we were young when we read it and it’s written with sarcasm, and it has a Cinderella-story type vibe (not that Cinderella wasn’t also abused, but my point is, children’s fiction commonly glosses over abuse). BUT LISTEN. Gabe is an alcoholic who regularly drinks in front of Percy (who is twelve), Gabe verbally demeans Percy’s mother right in front of him, Gabe bullies Percy into funding his gambling, dumps beer bottles and cigar ashes all over Percy’s room (HE’S FUCKING TWELVE), Gabe physically and probably sexually abused Sally for years, Percy literally says that he would rather live on the streets or join the military than live with Gabe, Gabe literally turned THE ENTIRE NATION against Percy and branded a completely innocent child as a fugitive just for fucking money and media attention.

Percy hates Gabe so much that he barely even sees him as a human being. He uses the three-fingered claw that is used TO WARD OFF IMMORTAL FORCES OF EVIL THAT COME FROM THE DEPTHS OF TARTARUS against Gabe (AND IT WORKS) because that is how much Gabe has traumatized him. Gabe makes him so angry and vengeful that at the age of twelve, Percy strategically plans to murder him (Percy’s never killed a human being before or since).

Percy was physically abused. He instinctively reaches for Riptide when he encounters Gabe at the end of the Lightning Thief, which is an instinct that he has when he feels physically threatened. And there’s this line about the gambling money from the beginning, “He called that our ‘guy secret.’ Meaning, if I told my mom, he would punch my lights out.” This is written with heavy sarcasm, but I got news for you: it’s a kids series, and this is too disturbing to just write flat out, but he is speaking literally.

@lililibird wrote a gorgeous post about how Percy was abused here

Percy also comes from a relatively poor background: “We were always struggling with money. Between my mom’s night classes and my private school tuition, we could never afford to do special stuff like shop for a skateboard.”-Sea of Monsters. He hates kids who throw their money around: “They were juvenile delinquents, like me, but they were rich juvenile delinquents.”-Lightning Thief. He’s really insecure about it, too: “What I didn’t tell them was that I’d have to get a summer job walking dogs or selling magazine subscriptions, and spend my free time worrying about where I’d go to school in the fall.” He feels like an outsider because of it: “My heart sank. Grover had a summer home. I’d never considered that his family might be as rich as the others at Yancy.”

Percy was an outcast growing up, and never had a lot of friends. The education system is stacked against him because of his learning disabilities, and he probably faced a lot of ableism growing up. He thinks his neurodiversity makes him stupid and expects teachers and students to think so as well. When Chiron (as Mr. Brunner) tries to tell him that he’s a special kid, he takes it as an insult because he’s used to being singled out for his disabilities, and tears up, saying, “Thanks a lot, sir, for reminding me.” -Lightning Thief

Percy also grew up thinking his father didn’t want him (which really isn’t all that untrue). When he first meets Poseidon, his emotions are absolutely hearbreaking: “Wrongdoing. A lump welled up in my throat. Was that all I was? A wrongdoing? The result of a god’s mistake?”

His authority issues and his heavy use of sarcasm are a direct result from his childhood. Sarcasm is a coping mechanism that he uses to avoid thinking of himself as a victim. Authority issues stem from growing up under this domineering stepfather, and also due to his birth father leaving him and his mother. This is why Percy hates Dionysus so intensely: Dionysus reminds him disturbingly of Gabe. It’s why he’s so conflicted about helping the gods. It stays with him for all the books.

@jason-gracefully wrote a post here about how this abuse has a lasting impact on Percy that is really insightful

Percy thinks so badly of himself.

Percy literally hates himself. He doesn’t believe he’s a half-blood because he thinks he’s such a failure. He compares himself to Gabe because he feels so guilty, “between the two of us, we make my mom’s life pretty hard.” He’s constantly thinking stuff like, “What was so great about me? A dyslexic, hyperactive boy with a D+ report card, kicked out of school for the sixth time in six years.” -Lightning Thief

This self-hatred never fucking goes away, either, not even as Percy starts to pull of some pretty impressive shit?

“But Percy didn’t feel powerful. The more heroic stuff he did, the more he realized how limited he was. He felt like a fraud. I’m not as great as you think, he wanted to warn his friends. His failures, like tonight, seemed to prove it. Maybe that’s why he’d started to fear suffocation. It wasn’t so much drowning in the earth or the sea, but the feeling that he was sinking in too many expectations, literally getting in over his head.” -Mark of Athena

He never thinks of himself as a hero and he hates the spotlight and gets embarrassed being the center of attention and is bad at taking compliments.

Most of his internal monologue is really pessimistic and he’s constantly remarking that he said or did something stupid (literally too many examples to cite, but you can’t get very far without seeing it if you pick up a pjo book).

All Percy ever wanted was to be normal.

That’s it. That’s all.

He’s miserable after Poseidon claims him because he’s finally found a place to fit in and no, of course not, he’s the first son of Poseidon to be born in 70 years, Zeus is trying to kill him and there’s a prophecy about how he’s going to decide the fate of the world.

He keeps going back into the mortal world even though it’s dangerous, because he just wants to be normal.

He starts spending time with Rachel between Battle of the Labyrinth and Last Olympian because he mentions that he needs to remind himself the mortal world is still out there, and he just needs a break.

He turns down godhood, because he just wants to grow up. (people make this about Annabeth, and she’s part of it, but far from the only reason. The significance of this as far as percabeth goes is that he decided that he wanted her to be a part of his future, but there was literally no way that Percy would have accepted godhood, Annabeth or no Annabeth.)

He literally starts crying when he gets to Camp Jupiter and realizes that, yet again, he’ll be an outcast, despite not even remembering his past. Like, this need to be accepted and find a home runs so deep that it transcends memory.

So OF COURSE he starts crying again when he sees New Rome, because he’s been searching for a safe home his entire life? It’s everything he’s ever wanted?

NOBODY WILL JUST LET HIM BE NORMAL. JUST LET HIM LIVE.

Percy. Cannot. Forgive himself. For. Anything.

“Not forgiving himself for his mistakes was one of Percy’s biggest talents.” -Mark of Athena.

He feels guilty about the sacrifices his mom made for him, and is unable to accept that she did it because she loved him.

He blames himself for Bianca’s death and actually says, “It should’ve been me.” Every time he looks at Nico he thinks of how he failed both of them and he spends the entire next book trying to make up for that.

He wiped Bob’s memory because Bob was trying to kill him, and he was weak and injured and desperate to get away, so he acted in self-defense, but still feels ashamed and furious at himself for doing it: “He’d never felt so low and dishonorable, so unworthy of having a friend.” And then he’s choking on poison in the heart of Tartarus, thinking it’s his own fault for…. for not visiting a Titan who tried to kill him? (would you go visit someone who attempted to murder you? i wouldn’t.)

BOB TRIED TO KILL HIM. HE WAS TRYING TO RUN PERCY THROUGH. WITH A SPEAR. AND IT’S HIS OWN GODDAMN FAULT THAT HE GOT TOSSED INTO THE LETHE. Not to mention that Percy was already dying from a really bad shoulder wound, and acted in self defense the only way he had available to him, since he was too injured to fight. Percy barely escaped with his life. Percy’s not a bad person at all for not visiting Bob, but he thinks he is, and you can hell bet he’s never going to get over that, especially after Bob’s sacrifice at the end of the book.

He blames himself for leaving Calypso as well? As though there was anything wrong with the way he treated her? As though they didn’t only know each other for two weeks? As though he wasn’t fourteen and should not have been expected to spend the rest of his life pining for her? As though you’re a bad person if you don’t fall in love with someone who’s in love with you? As though he didn’t offer to come back and Calyspo told him not to try? As though he didn’t speak her name in the throne room of Olympus, as though he didn’t look Zeus in the eye and remember the name of Calypso, the poor girl cursed to solitude by the Fates who saved his life? As though Calypso wasn’t his biggest, What if?

I pray that Leo and Calypso aren’t endgame because otherwise he’s going to have to put up with that guilt for the rest of his life and it’s completely unwarranted.

“‘You would’ve done the same for me.’ It was true. I guess we both knew it. Still, I felt like somebody was poking my heart with a cold metal rod.” -Last Olympian. Like listen, he straight up admits that he also would have taken a knife for her, but he still can’t accept that Annabeth took one for him.

whatever you do don’t think about percy mourning all the campers he couldn’t save whatever you do don’t think about himself shaking himself awake in the middle of the night crying because he can’t stop seeing the faces of all the kids who died in the war, whatever you do don’t think about him starting his life and thinking every time he does something new that there are kids who will never get this chance because he couldn’t save them, don’t think about him watching their shrouds burn and wishing it was him

Percy is suicidal and it goes completely unresolved.

“I felt like drowning myself. The only problem: I was immune to drowning.” -The Lightning Thief

“The last thing I remembered was sinking in a burning sea… and wishing I were able to drown.” -The Sea of Monsters

“He couldn’t blame anyone else for his troubles. Not the gods. Not Bob. Not even Calypso, the girl he’d left alone on that island.” -The House of Hades. Listen to me. He’s dying in Tartarus alone after sacrificing years of his life to trying to save the world and being a good person, and he thinks he deserves it. HE THINKS HE DESERVES IT.

“Thing is, as I was choking just now, I kept thinking: this is payback for Akhlys. The Fates are letting me die the same way I tried to kill that goddess. And… honestly, a part of me felt I deserved it.” A PART OF ME FELT I DESERVED IT. Like. Percy. You need help. You can’t just… that’s so unhealthy.

Percy is afraid of himself.

“I hadn’t been in control of myself in that mountain. I’d released so much energy I’d almost vaporized myself, drained all the life out of me. Now I found out I’d nearly destroyed the Northwest U.S. and almost woken the most horrible monster ever imprisoned by the gods. Maybe I was too dangerous. Maybe it was safer for my friends to think I was dead.” -Battle of the Labyrinth. MAYBE I WAS TOO DANGEROUS. MAYBE IT WAS SAFER FOR MY FRIENDS TO THINK I WAS DEAD.

This also goes hand in hand with being suicidal, because thinking “maybe everything would be better if I was dead” is definitely going to get you to the point where you say “maybe I’ll just do it myself.”

“My expression in the picture was fierce—disturbing, even—so it was hard to tell if I was the good guy or the bad guy, but Rachel said I’d looked just like that after the battle.” -Last Olympian

“I might have even laughed once or twice—a crazy laugh that scared me as much as it did my enemies.” -Last Olympian

And like, of course there’s the part with Akhlys, and I’m sure I don’t have to explain how he spends the entirety of the next book trying to apologize for losing control just that one time because 1. he scared himself, 2. he’ll never forgive himself for scaring Annabeth and hurting Akhlys that much, 3. and he also thinks this means he deserves to die, and that is just such a loaded character arc that I’m not even sure which heading to put it under, but I’m putting it under here because I think the linchpin in that scene is that Percy (and Annabeth) really didn’t realize that he was capable of something like that. It’s a really dark scene, and he disturbed himself (and Annabeth, which also puts a wedge in their relationship), and it causes really serious repercussions. Dude, that needs to be resolved.

Percy also like, really has a dark side and a serious temper, which is where a lot of this fear of himself comes from, but @ofswordsandpens already covered that beautifully here.

Other people are afraid of Percy.

“Something changed in Phobos’s expression. He looked surprised, maybe even nervous. ‘The son of Poseidon? The one who made Dad angry?’” -Demigod Files (Percy Jackson and the Stolen Chariot)

“I couldn’t kill him. He was immortal. But you wouldn’t have known that from his expression. The fear god looked afraid.” -Demigod Files (Percy Jackson and the Stolen Chariot)

“Believe me, revenge is coming. One of these days, he’s going to be sorry. Why am I waiting? Just strategy. Biding my time and waiting for the right moment to strike. I am not scared, okay? Anybody says different, I’ll rearrange their dental work.” -Demigod Files (Interview with Clarisse LaRue, Daughter of Ares)

“Leo’s legs trembled. The way Percy looked at him made him feel the same as when Jason summoned lightning. Leo’s skin tingled, and every instinct in his body screamed, Duck!” -Mark of Athena.This description is so Extra it’s almost funny like I can’t believe this is actually a canon line sdkfasdjk;sadf

“Piper guessed that Percy hadn’t meant to cause so much damage, but his glowering expression made her want to leave the ship as soon as possible.” -Blood of Olympus.

“Since she’d come back from Tartarus, Annabeth had told Piper about a lot of scary things that had happened down there. At the top of her list: Percy controlling a tide of poison and suffocating the goddess Akhlys.” -Blood of Olympus. AT THE TOP OF HER LIST. AT THE TOP OF HER LIST.

Annabeth then goes on to cry about how she can’t get his expression out of her head, and says she’s angry at him for frightening her.

“What would Percy be like if he wanted to act scary?” -Blood of Olympus. (we are still talking about the poison here. yes, still.)

“‘She died too easily, considering how much torture she put you through. She deserved worse.’ Annabeth couldn’t argue with that, but the hard edge in Percy’s voice made her unsettled. She’d never seen someone get so angry or vengeful on her behalf. It almost made her glad Arachne had died quickly.” -House of Hades. I mean, I also thought Arachne’s death was stupid so I don’t blame him, but.

“Everybody was looking at me—with concern, or pity, or maybe a little fear.” -Last Olympian

“Suddenly I realized that despite her angry attitude, she was afraid of me. She probably thought I was going to fight her for control of the river, and she was worried she would lose.” -Battle of the Labyrinth

“‘Luke feared you,’ the Titan’s voice said. ‘His jealously and hatred have been powerful tools. It has kept him obedient. For that I thank you.’” -Battle of the Labyrinth

“ I grabbed him by the shirt, which seriously wasn’t like me, but the stupid old goat was making me mad.” -Last Olympian. This is when he literally frightens Leneus so bad that he runs away into the woods.

“Hades swallowed. ‘Now, Jackson, listen here…’ He was immortal. There was no way I could kill him, but gods can be wounded.” -Last Olympian

“How was he keeping his cool? The way he talked to Bob left Annabeth awestruck… and maybe a little uneasy, too. If Percy had been serious about leaving the choice to Bob, then she didn’t like how much he trusted the Titan. If he’d been manipulating Bob into making that choice… well, then, Annabeth was stunned that Percy could be so calculating.” -House of Hades. Is she seriously kidding me with this though because how could she be stunned by that… which brings me to the next point….

Percy is incredibly manipulative, extremely clever, and very resourceful.

Canon doesn’t even represent this well, because it says stuff like “trickery and evasion were Annabeth’s tactics,” but Percy uses them constantly.

Most of the time when Percy does something “stupid” or “impulsive” it’s actually neither of those things, it’s just that he doesn’t take the time to explain things to everyone else. He has multilayered plans for how he’s going to get out of a situation, but other characters (and fandom) seem to attribute this to luck.

If Percy’s plans were genuinely stupid and impulsive there is no way he would still be alive. Just think about this realistically, okay. He doesn’t get lucky, he just knows what he’s doing.

Percy has a functioning knowledge of Greek mythology that he uses to his advantage constantly, and actually, he directly explains most myths to the reader. For some reason (?) most of fandom thinks he’s clueless. (just kidding, I know why, and @ehlihr explains it here)

Possibly the best example is Procrustes, who, at the age of twelve, Percy successfully swindled into laying down on his own torture device.

Gets into the Underworld on pure manipulation. Bribes Charon with Italian suits and a pay raise. Bribes Cerberus with a toy. Remember that scene where he dramatically stacks drachmas on top of each other right under Charon’s nose? Yeah. This kid could talk his way out of a paper bag, mark my words.

Lies on national television convincingly enough that the reporters take up a collection to buy them plane tickets to New York at the end of the Lightning Thief. And also gives the phone number to Gabe’s store and tells everyone to ask for free appliances.

Figures out Kronos’ plot entirely by himself, which is quite complicated, then breaks it down for the reader, Annabeth, and Grover. I bet you didn’t even realize that the reason the plot of the Lightning Thief wasn’t hopelessly confusing was because Percy explained it to you.

Percy is the first person to realize that Kronos is waking (aside from Kronos’ forces, of course). He predicts that he’s going to gain a solid form again. He and Annabeth simultaneously reach this conclusion around the same time without discussing it with each other, but Annabeth doesn’t anticipate the gravity of the war the way Percy does (and the gods won’t listen to him until literally the end of Titan’s Curse).

In the Sea of Monsters, he guides one of the cannibals into breaking down the locker room door by standing in front of it and dodging out of the way at the last minute, because he needs to get his sword from the locker room.

Withholds the Gray Sister’s eye until they explain “the location he seeks” and even rolls down the window and threatens to throw it into traffic.

That glorious scene where he manipulates Luke into giving himself away by IM’ing Mr. D behind Luke’s back. Possibly my favorite Luke and Percy moment ever.

He also challenges Luke to a fight at the end of Sea of Monsters because he needs a way to buy time so that Clarisse can get the Fleece to Camp Half-Blood, and it works, because he backs Luke into a corner where he’ll look weak if he turns down the fight.

Literally sneaks onto a quest. A quest which Zoe Nightshade, a Hunter and tracker, was on, and she didn’t even realize he was there until he literally ran up to her and showed himself.

Kills the Nemean Lion by throwing astronaut food from the gift shop in its mouth.

Percy is the one who figures out that Talos has a maintenance hatch that a person could fit inside. Otherwise they would have literally all died.

Convinces Nereus to jump into the water by feigning that he’s afraid of going in water, and then uses his increased strength to tackle him.

Cleans Geryon’s stables with a petrified sea shell.

Figures out how to navigate the Labyrinth.

And one of the greatest fight scenes in all the books (I think so, any way): jumps off Antaeus’ face and grabs the chains of skulls hanging from the arena ceiling, ties them in a knot, hooks Antaeus by his loincloth and suspends him above the ground by a chain of skulls, and then kills him. Can you imagine him crawling through the chains, “like some kind of deranged monkey.” Like that’s dark, but it’s also insanely resourceful and clever holy shit.

Percy made a bargain with Gaea using his own place in her creepy ass plan and in the prophecy to manipulate her into saving his life.

Gets the gryphons to stop attacking in Son of Neptune by threatening to stab their eggs.

Herds Polybotes over the boundary line so that Terminus will get angry and attack.

And, of course, the entire scene with Chrysaor is brilliant (and like the most in character moment for percy in all of hoo lmao).

Percy tries so hard to be a good person and he has such a good heart.

Remember after he saves Clarisse’s butt in Sea of Monsters, and once they make it back to land, he feels bad about stealing her quest and making her look bad, and doesn’t want her to get into trouble with Ares, so he sends her home with the Fleece alone? Tyson even says: “Percy is nice” and Annabeth says “Percy is too nice.” And then he never tells anybody about how she totally would have died if not for him and Annabeth because he doesn’t want to humiliate her?

And in the Demigod Files, when he encounters Phobos and Deimos with Clarisse and agrees again to keep quiet about it because he doesn’t want to humiliate her?

Percy searches for Nico all throughout Battle of The Labyrinth and never stops looking out for him, even when Nico curses him and wishes he was dead and repeatedly screws him over.

He forgives people? Like I know he’s vengeful and I know it’s hard to regain his trust, but he does forgive. He doesn’t even think twice about forgiving any of the demigods who fought with Kronos because he understands where they’re coming from and recognizes that they’re just kids. He honors Luke and Ethan’s dying requests despite the fact that they both tried to kill him about seven hundred times. He mourns them: “‘They were brainwashed!’ I said. ‘Now they’re dead and Kronos is still alive. That’s supposed to make me feel better?’” -The Last Olympian. And he completely and immediately backs Clarisse up in saying that Silena was a hero, and refuses to tell anyone that she was a spy. He also forgives Nico who, let’s be honest, is such a little shit in Battle of the Labyrinth.

Every time he realizes that he’s done something wrong he immediately pulls back and modifies his behavior.

Remember the confrontation with the river nymph before cleaning the stables? “She probably thought I was going to fight her for control of the river, and she was worried she would lose. The thought made me sad. I felt like a bully, a son of Poseidon throwing his weight around.” -Battle of the Labyrinth.

Percy befriends Grover, who is scrawny and gets bullied, and spends all year trying to defend him from the bullies? He even says that he’s lost sleep thinking about how Grover will survive school without him when he gets expelled from Yancy? Literally the reason the confrontation with Ms. Dodds even happens is because Percy was defending Grover.

Percy befriends Tyson, who, as far as he knows, is a homeless teenager with special needs who lives in a cardboard box and smells funny and cries a lot. He meets Tyson at the subway every morning so that Tyson won’t get overwhelmed being by himself. He stands guard outside Tyson’s stall so that Tyson can change in privacy. Like, Percy is so good to Tyson it breaks my heart? And he had no angle at all, he just genuinely likes Tyson and sees him as a friend. And he literally makes himself a social outcast by association; Matt Sloan even tells him, “You might have friends if you weren’t always sticking up for that freak.” And Percy says, “I was pretty much his only friend, which meant he was pretty much my only friend.”

He’s captain of the other dodgeball team against Matt Sloan because all the other kids who get picked on look to him for protection.

His life is terrible and nothing ever works out the way he wants it to, but instead of being a whiny pissbaby about it he just fucking…. he just fucking keeps saving the world? He just keeps putting himself back in mortal danger despite hating it more and more each time because… because it’s what he has to do? He doesn’t take it out on anyone? He just fucking keeps accepting it? And he gets bitter and jaded, but he never stops saving the world.

He literally finds out in Last Olympian that the entire prophecy, this whole time, they were all waiting for his death? Like he was a ticking timebomb, raising him to be slaughtered and lying about it? AND HE NEVER EVEN GETS BITTER? HE DOESN’T TRY TO RUN AWAY OR BLAME ANYONE? hE JUST FUCKING? DOES WHAT HE HAS TO DO?

(wouldn’t you be angry about that? even annabeth lied about it to his face for years? wouldn’t that feel like a slap to the face? because i’m pretty sure if the girl i loved did that to me i wouldn’t be able to accept it and would never look at her the same way? but maybe that’s just me?)

He snaps into Leader Mode in Last Olympian so quickly it’s amazing. That character development is just… gah, it’s so good. People start depending on him without question and nobody even blinks when Chiron addresses him as the leader of the group, because it’s just natural for them to follow him.

This piece by @llttledipper is gorgeous and covers a lot so I’m not even sure which heading to stick it under, but it’s worth the read.

Percy is really compassionate and a caretaker.

Running with everything mentioned above, of course.

Checks in on Annabeth and makes sure she’s sleeping and eating.

Comforts Annabeth a lot during the pjo series because like… for the brunt of it, he’s really all she has left, especially in Sea of Monsters.

He’s always very cautious about discussing Luke with her because he doesn’t want to upset her (but let’s be honest: he was right and she was wrong about Luke. She was pretty delusional for most of the series and it actually got worse as she got older).

Percy only really yells at Annabeth once. Which is pretty big of him, considering she yells at him practically once a chapter.

Apologizes to Reyna for something he doesn’t even remember. His exact words are, “If I hurt you, I’m sorry.”

He wants to help Reyna so badly in Son of Neptune because he feels for her. Once, he even opts to leave her alone, because he recognizes that she’s having a hard time projecting the image of a leader and needs some time to herself.

He goes on the quest in Son of Neptune because he knows Frank is scared and needs help, even though he wants to stay put.

The way he treats Hazel and Frank all throughout Son of Neptune is so sweet and brotherly. Especially the scene when he and Hazel are talking alone in her old house is so sweet, when he tells her that she’s definitely going to make it out alive, and the scene when he encourages Frank after killing the basilisks.

He’s constantly encouraging people to chase their dreams, like his mother’s dream to be a writer and Annabeth’s dream to be an architect and Grover’s dream to find Pan.

He wants to help Nico so badly, and he’s a total mother hen.

He even takes care of the readers by editing scary and disturbing stuff out! I mean, I know it’s because it’s a kid series and it’s convenient to water it down by having Percy edit stuff out, but narration is important to pay attention to, because Percy is talking directly to the reader, which is the easiest and most obvious way to develop a character. The warning in the beginning has a very “please save yourself” kind of vibe. He admits more than once that he’s not describing something because it’s disturbing: the fresh skulls in Antaeus’ arena, the tortures in the Fields of Punishment, etc.

And, like I said before, really has empathy for Kronos’ kids and genuinely wants to save them from themselves.

Annabeth’s quote in Mark of Athena, “Percy has a knack for making good friends” is so unbelievably accurate (like 10/10 on that one Annabeth because you definitely get some other stuff pretty wrong lol.)

Percy is actually quite intuitive.

His dreams are the most prophetic of all the demigods that we’ve seen.

Knows Luke is bad news right of the bat, but fights it, because he doesn’t understand why. (the foreshadowing is so BLATANT it’s embarrassing to reread)

Immediately mistrustful of the gods, for good reason.

Immediately trustful of a lot of good people, like Grover and Chiron and Hazel and Frank and Tyson, even if he can’t always explain why.

If Percy doesn’t realize people like him, it’s because he can’t imagine why, not because he’s unable to pick up on the signs.

I don’t know where the idea came from that Percy was clueless that Annabeh liked him? Because he absolutely was not? He knew all through the end of Battle of the Labyrinth and all through Last Olympian, it’s just that it wasn’t that simple. They had a lot to work through before they could throw romance into the mix (and I do mean a lot).

He’s also not oblivious that Annabeth is jealous of Rachel, it’s just that he’s mad about it because he thinks that she doesn’t have any right to be.

He’s not oblivious that Rachel likes him, either, it’s just that he’s not sure how he feels about it so consciously tries to avoid talking about it.

And as far as Nico goes, I mean, the majority of fandom was also oblivious about Nico’s crush and called it “THE SICKEST PLOT TWIST EVER” so what makes y’all think you’ve got any room to talk

As for Calypso, when she admits that she loves him, he literally says, “But…I’m just…I mean, I’m just me,” so I think that about proves my point.

Percy is angry.

He’s meant to directly parallel Luke, and that’s made pretty damn obvious by the end of pjo. And if it wasn’t, Percy directly compares himself to Luke later on:

“Percy remembered what Luke Castellan had told him years ago, when Percy had come back from his very first quest: Didn’t you realize how useless it all is? All the heroics–being pawns of the Olympians? Percy was almost the same age now as Luke had been then. He could understand how Luke became so spiteful. In the past five years, Percy had been used as a pawn too many times. The Olympians seemed to take turns using him for their schemes. Maybe the gods were better than the Titans, or Gaea, but that didn’t make them good or wise. It didn’t make Percy like this stupid battle arena.” -Mark of Athena

His anger motivates him most of the time. Percy’s knee jerk response to all of the trauma that he’s been through is to get angry (probably because it keeps him going).

Percy constantly talks about feeling angry, far more often than feeling sad or scared. This is so common that I couldn’t even cite one example, because it’s just a theme through all the books. When he gets angry, he kills stuff (like the Minotaur, twice).

It really comes to a head in the scene with Akhlys, but again, goes totally unresolved because that kind of anger doesn’t just fucking evaporate (it also gets partially replaced with guilt, which is just. so unhealthy).

@lililibird, @ofswordsandpens and @accioangelo wrote something really cool about that here

Percy is definitely mentally ill.

Like yeah, he’s neurodiverse, but he’s also canonically mentally ill. I’m not sure what type of mental illness it would best fit, or maybe more than one, but there’s absolutely no way this kid is mentally healthy.

He’s suicidal.

He has insurmountable guilt.

He’s afraid of himself.

He hates himself.

He’s angry.

He develops a phobia of his own element and never… never resolves it? He talks about feeling “unclean” after Phorcys aquarium and Annabeth notes how shaken up he looks, even the next day. He almost drowns two more times since it’s brought up (Nyphaeum-whatever-it’s-called and the Cocytus-however-you-spell-it) which means it probably got worse so I’m just gonna assume that he has a paralyzing fear of his own element? he also joined the swimteam which is literally like WHAT HOW WHY but i’m trying not to turn this into a wankfest

And in that same vein, this fear of suffocation, like you’re a fraud and don’t deserve the people who love you or the recognition you get? That’s super unhealthy. It’s important to accept people’s love, but he hates himself so much that he can’t see that.

He has frequent nightmares. Like, not the weird voodoo demigod nightmares, like night terrors. Nightmares that don’t have dream messages attached to them, just straight up nightmares. He’s constantly saying stuff like “I still had nightmares about it.” He mentions losing sleep because of it. The night when Bianca sends him the IM of Nico in the graveyard, he sits on the floor staring at the remains of the shattered water fountain all night and doesn’t move until Tyson gets him in the morning. Like, he’s really affected by the things that he’s seen. Also he’s been having nightmares about Tartarus since the Lightning Thief so I can only imagine how hard it’s going to be for him to recover from actually being there (they’re actually quite vivid: one time, he has a conversation with Kronos on the edge of the pit of Chaos).

“He glared at the poison flood encroaching from all sides. He concentrated so hard that something inside him cracked – as if a crystal ball had shattered in his stomach.” -House of Hades. He actually shattered a part of himself to be able to unlock that kind of power. And after Akhlys leaves he mentions it kinda starts to subside, but listen: broken glass doesn’t get fixed. He literally is admitting that he’s broken inside. Not to mention that this kind of misery doesn’t just come from no where; this is the combined effort of all the terrible things he’s been feeling his whole life. That’s pretty horrifying, and someone should help him through that instead of making him feel like a monster for doing it. it’s actually almost identical to nico’s dilemma except that people actually try to help nico.

Suicidal thoughts, pervasive guilt, self-hatred, self-blame, self-distrust, frequent nightmares, developing a phobia, using anger as a coping mechanism. This sounds like depression to me (how I experience it, at any rate), possibly with symptoms of PTSD, although I’m not a psychiatrist. Even if it doesn’t fit a specific mental illness it’s still a deeply unhealthy mental state to be in. 

Like listen: Percy needs help.

Percy’s fatal flaw is so not a big deal.

Leaves his mother in the Underworld at the age of twelve. His mom. His mom, guys. Is there anyone he loves more on this earth, besides Annabeth? He’s twelve years old, and he comes to the understanding that he needs to let her go, leave her in mortal danger, because the fate of the world depends on him getting the bolt to Zeus, and, furthermore, that his mother would never accept his life in exchange for her own.

I mean, that’s really case closed right there, but there’s quite a bit more.

“I was leaving her in good hands after all. Her own.” -Lightning Thief. This is right after his mother tells him ‘you need to let me take care of myself.’ And he respects that so much that he actually leaves her with her abuser, which is really hard for him because he can’t bear to leave her in danger, but then he realizes that she’s capable of dealing with it and, more importantly, he lets her.

Encourages Grover to go off on an extremely dangerous solo quest to find Pan which no satyr has ever returned alive from, because he realizes that it’s really important to Grover and doesn’t want to hold him back due to his own fears.

Encourages Tyson to go join Poseidon’s forges because he recognizes that while he would like Tyson to stay, this is really important to Tyson.

Even in Titan’s Curse he wants to immediately throw himself off the cliff searching for Annabeth and he doesn’t because that’s dumb and he understands that. And then he goes on the quest but it’s like… everyone on that quest was looking for someone they loved so it’s really not a good example of Percy’s fatal flaw in action. Additionally, when Percy captures Nereus, his first instinct is to ask about Annabeth, but he doesn’t, because again: it’s not the best choice, and he understands that, so he asks about the monster Artemis was tracking instead.

Splits up with Grover and Tyson in the Labyrinth because he knows that Grover needs to find Pan and it’s really important to him. Annabeth is the one who keeps saying that splitting up is a bad idea because it’s not safe.

His first instinct is always to take care of people but he never infringes on their rights to make their own choices, even when he doesn’t agree with them. He never holds anyone back from reaching their full potential and usually encourages them to go for it, even if it means they have to leave him behind.

It was really fucking hard for him to let Annabeth go searching for the Mark of Athena but he did it. He even recognizes that she’s terrified and doesn’t want to do it and she needs him to believe in her and so he fucking sends her off because he never wants to hold her back from doing all the amazing things that she can do. I’m crying.

@greenconverses explains this a little more in depth here

Percy’s never jeopardized… anything? because of his fatal flaw? And it’s just kind of like… for something that is discussed so often it’s really kind of… not important?

Most important of all: he lets Beckendorf die. He looks into his eyes, Beckendorf tells him to go, he protests, but Beckendorf doesn’t waver. And Percy lets it happen, because it needs to happen.

I mean. Like. COME ON.

Now, I mean, if he understands that Beckendorf’s death is inevitable (mind you, Beckendorf was one of Percy’s closest friends), and he understands that it’s illogical to rescue his mother from the Underworld, then I think it’s safe to say that Percy understands and controls his fatal flaw. You could make the argument that maybe he wouldn’t if it was Annabeth. In which case, I say to you, that’s really not about fatal flaw, it’s just about human beings.

Annabeth takes a knife for Percy, which makes it pretty damn obvious that she’s willing to die for him? Beckendorf, Silena, Thalia, and Leo actually do die for their friends? Like, a willingness to die in place of their friends is something we see in every single main character in this series, and most of the minor characters too.

The only moment you really see it get him in danger is Tartarus and Mt. St. Helens, but listen, is there any other member of the Seven that would have let go of Annabeth’s hand like be serious. Can you honestly believe any of them would have let her fall alone and pulled themselves out of the pit like there’s just no fucking way that would have happened. Frankly, how much would you have to hate someone to let them get dragged to hell to die alone.

As for Mt. St. Helens, I mean, honestly? This scene could have gone the other way around just as easily. In fact, Percy actually stood a chance and Annabeth didn’t, so it makes a lot of fucking sense that he should be the one to stay behind.

It doesn’t take away from anything Percy’s done for his friends. In fact, it kinda makes it better because it’s not overshadowed by the lurking threat of the Elusive Fatal Flaw.

I’m not saying it’s not actually his fatal flaw, except that….. well, it’s not, really, is it? He’s got a good handle on it, which pretty much tells me that it’s not going to kill him any time soon, and more than that, it’s not unique to Percy. Who doesn’t struggle with wanting to protect the people they love?

Maybe let’s talk about Percy’s rage instead because that is something that actually comes up very often and usually gets the better of him.

Percy is incredibly capable and really powerful.

and all y’all are definitely going ‘lol like we didn’t know that’ but listen: no, i’m not sure that you did. and if you did then imma talk about it anyway because we don’t talk about it enough.

Percy spends just as much time saving Annabeth’s ass as she does his. It’s mutual. Their relationship is very balanced and I think it’s cheap and stupid to try and make her look better by belittling him. Oddly, this tactic is used by a lot of characters in the series? “I doubt Percy could find his way out of a paper bag without Annabeth” like okay how about the part where she would have dove straight off a cliff in the house of night like lmao where the fuck does this argument come from.

Firstly, I must say that WE DO NOT TALK ABOUT THE CURSE OF ACHILLES ENOUGH but I could rant about it for literal hours, so I’ll just link you to where I did that already.

KILLS THE MINOTAUR AT THE AGE OF TWELVE BY RIPPING ITS OWN HORN OUT OF ITS SKULL AND STABBING HIM WITH IT. like. The Minotaur. THE MINOTAUR. D’you know that in the myths, the Minotaur just fucking ripped up entire towns and cities and killed hundreds of people and nobody could stop it, until finally they built the fucking Labyrinth to lock it up because nobody knew what to do with it, and then it was still alive for years because nobody could kill it, and like, the culmination of Theseus’ entire hero career was killing this thing because that’s how fucking intense the Minotaur was. AND THEN PERCY JACKSON. TWELVE YEARS OLD. NOT A DAY OF TRAINING. NO WEAPON. JUST FUCKING. TAKES HIM DOWN. WHAT THE FUCK.

Kronos tells him that Luke is afraid of him.

Kronos also tells him that he wishes Percy had supplied his host body. Kronos is surveying bodies to possess and is like, “I want that one.” THE FUCK.

Jumps like, 120 yards off the House of Night and over the river Acheron????? With a person on his back?????? HOw????????? SINCE WHEN CAN HE FUCKING DO THAT???? (i will become FILLED WITH RAGE if anyone answers this with “he’s got skillz”)

Remember when he tells the Roman Senate that he fought Kronos himself and Reyna stumbles back in shock and is like???? how????

Kills a giant alone. Like, completely alone, except for Terminus who really doesn’t do anything, it’s just about the logistical need to have a god kill a giant.

Blows up a volcano and wakes Typhon. Like, wakes Typhon. And it wasn’t even on purpose! He was just being tortured and needed a way to escape like it was on pure instinct. And then when Hephaestus tells him so, he’s literally like, “I’m not that powerful.” And Hephaestus just kinda laughs like UM YEAH YOU KIND OF ARE, LOOK AT WHAT YOU FUCKING DID, SON OF THE EARTHSHAKER INDEED.

Wipes out Hades entire army like, basically without even realizing it.

Literally holds back Kronos’ entire army by himself. LIke, ALONE. A WHOLE ARMY.

“Part of their problem was Percy. He fought like a demon, whirling through the defenders’ ranks in a completely unorthodox style, rolling under their feet, slashing with his sword instead of stabbing like a Roman would, whacking campers with the flat of his blade, and generally causing mass panic.” -Son of Neptune. I love to think about this scene (these are the scenes that we need movies for, okay, think of how great this could be)

Kills the Clazmonian sow alone.

Holds off a drakon alone, although Clarisse is the one that kills it.

At the age of thirteen, he totally beats up Polyphemus, who is at least two times his size, just because he gets angry.

The first time he summons a hurricane he doesn’t even do it on purpose it just fucking happens instinctively. Grover’s like “bro what are you doing” and he’s like “what.” LIKE PERCY. SERIOUSLY.

He blows stuff up when he gets angry??? Like the plumbing incident in boo? That’s fucking intense okay like wow just one more reason for him to be afraid of himself

I saved this for last because this is my favorite: CONTROLS POISON. AND ALSO BODILY FLUIDS. I think we talk about the poison scene a lot but do you remember the part when Akhlys starts crying and he’s like “Oh, good, more water.” “OH GOOD MORE WATER” LIKE JESUS PERCY. And then he imagines her nose and throat filling with her own tears like HOLY SHIT. that’s some bloodbending level shit right there.

Please tell me I was not the only person cheering during that scene okay because I was like THIS IS IT, HE’S FINALLY SNAPPED, LET’S GO MOTHERFUCKERS, like I have been waiting and waiting and hoping and hoping for a scene like that for years. but annabeth ruined it because she clearly underestimated him like the signs were all there she should not have been surprised

Percy is not a lovable idiot.

Like, I mean, he’s just not. He’s a hugely complex character with a lot of conflicting traits. He’s vengeful but caring, loyal but resentful, capable but insecure, a natural leader but intimidating and sometimes even scary.

Like yeah, he’s got a sense of humor, but like???? That doesn’t cancel out any of the things I mentioned above.

Percy is also not an asshole.

In an attempt to get away from the “lovable idiot” fanon characterization, I think the pendulum swung too far the other way.

Percy is very compassionate, and very caring. He apologizes for his mistakes. He’s not cocky or arrogant in the slightest.

Yes, he can be intimidating and vengeful and once you break his trust you better look out, but that doesn’t cancel out his instinct to take care of people and his efforts to help people and his desire to be a good person.

Looking for more + References made in this post:

This post by @ofswordsandpens, with additions by @lililibird and @accioangelo (I have a special place in my heart for this post because it showed up miraculously on my dash from my main blog one day, and this is what convinced me to get back in this fandom because OTHER PEOPLE GET IT I COULD CRY)

And the (updated) original by @ofswordsandpens

This post by @lililibird

This post by @jason-gracefully

This post by @ehlihr

This post by @llttledipper

This post by @greenconverses

My own post

My other post

6 years ago

The ACOTAR Characters as Brooklyn 99 gifs

Amren

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Feyre

The ACOTAR Characters As Brooklyn 99 Gifs

Nesta

The ACOTAR Characters As Brooklyn 99 Gifs

Rhys

The ACOTAR Characters As Brooklyn 99 Gifs

Cassian

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Elain

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Azriel

The ACOTAR Characters As Brooklyn 99 Gifs

Morrigan

The ACOTAR Characters As Brooklyn 99 Gifs

The Suriel

The ACOTAR Characters As Brooklyn 99 Gifs
6 years ago

Rhysand Teaching his & Feyre’s kids to Read & Write:

Rhysand: Just keep rewriting these sentences for practice.

Kids: *scribbling* "Rhysand is my favorite parent" "Rhysand is the coolest parent" "Rhysand is the best parent"

6 years ago

Rowan when he tells Aelin what he did to Cairn

Rowan When He Tells Aelin What He Did To Cairn
6 years ago

Rowaelin baby art?

Rowaelin Baby Art?

A small sketch , enjoy :)

6 years ago

#24 kissing prompts for Rowaelin please!

Prompt list here

24. Deep kisses where they have their hands tangled in each other’s hair to pull them closer.

Laughter rang throughout the otherwise quiet library, bringing a smile to Rowan’s face. He should tell them to quiet down, but he could bring himself to. Instead he peeked his head around the end of the row of shelves he was working on and gazed at the beautiful blonde surrounded by at least a dozen giggling children.

Aelin Galathynius had been volunteering at the library for only a few months but she had quickly become the everyone’s favorite reader for story time. She did all the voices, made all the funny sounds. She could get even the quietest child to smile and could silence the even the most unruly ones with just a glance. Something about her just drew them all in. Even Rowan.

Especially Rowan.

Aelin had started staying later, after she finished reading and the children released her. She would help him shelve or sort. And they would talk and talk until they got dirty looks from the patrons. Something was building between, something that made his heart stop when she walked into the room or his pulse pound when she stood near him.

Aelin glanced up from her reading and caught him staring. She gave him one of her brilliant smiles and Rowan felt himself smile back. A couple of little heads turned, saw him staring, and giggled.

“Miss Aelin, is the librarian your boyfriend?” a little voice interrupted. “Because he’s staring at you.”

“Well,” Aelin shot Rowan a mischievous look, “That depends on if he ever gets around to asking me on a date. Now hush, we were just getting to the good part.”

Rowan ducked back behind the shelves and chuckled to himself. Apparently, Aelin had waited for him to make a move long enough.

Before to long Aelin found him amongst the shelves.

“Hey.” She whispered softly, coming up to his side.

“Hey back....so I’m not moving fast enough for you? And here I was thinking we were enjoying spending time together.”

“I am. I was just hoping to see you somewhere other than here. Maybe we could do dinner?”

Rowan looked down at her and grinned. “I thought I was supposed to be asking you out.”

Aelin stepped closer so that their noses were nearly touching. “Well maybe I’m tired of waiting.”

Rowan closed the distance between them and pressed his lips to her. Her lips were soft, so soft. And she tasted like heaven. He’d meant to only give her a small peck but she was intoxicating. Aelin pressed herself closer to him, not willing to let him go. Rowan tangled his hands in her and pushed her back into the shelf, deepening the kiss even more. He wanted more. More of the sounds she made, more of the way her body felt pressed against him. More of the feeling of her fingers winding themselves in his hair, pulling him down, closer to her.

After a few more breathless moments they pulled apart. Rowan pressed his forehead into Aelin’s.

“Was that fast enough for you?”

6 years ago

“I used to read books. Now I read fanfics about books I already read.”

— You (be honest)

6 years ago

The myth of Achilles, but instead of holding him by the heel, Thetis sumberges him fully so that Achilles is completely invulnerable and Thetis has one invulnerable hand.

6 years ago

Dorian, Chaol, and Celaena

And it’s hitting me again how differently Chaol and Dorian see Celaena. People give Chaol a lot of crap about how he views her and he does describe her as dangerous many times, but what’s funny is how little people scrutinize Dorian’s assessments of her. Chaol and Dorian both see halves of Celaena, neither one of them incorrect. Dorian sees her beauty, her charm, her love or books and music and he often dismisses her years as an assassin.

Here are the passages each man uses to describe Celaena upon finding her asleep in her chambers.

“Some assassin. She hadn’t even bothered to stir. But there was nothing of the assassin in her face. Not a trace of aggression or bloodlust lay written across her features.” (ToG, page 179)

Dorian sees Celaena in an extremely jaded view, with rose colored glasses if you will.

Not more than a page later, Chaol describes the same scene.

“She was still in her clothes, and while she looked beautiful, that did nothing to mask the killing potential the lay beneath.” (ToG, page 180).

This is an intentional parallel, one that at first glance can be read two ways. You can see Dorian as understanding Celaena and seeing her softer side, therefore making him the stronger love interest or you can read it as Chaol seeing the darker, but no less true, side of Celaena and loving her anyway.

But, knowing what I know now, it’s easier to understand that BOTH men are seeing parts of Celaena and falling in love with them, but neither see the entirety of the package.

In Heir of Fire, Dorian scolds Chaol and tells him he “cannot pick and choose what parts of her he loves”— if Dorian had said something like this is ToG, it would have been entirely hypocritical. Dorian loves Celaena’s love of books, her cleverness, her beauty— but he dismisses and sometimes outright refuses to explore the depth of her darker side. By the time he says this line to Chaol, it is because he now understands her in a nonromatic sense. Dorian was guilty of picking and choosing what parts he loved of her, the difference is, their relationship ended before it truly began and Dorian was forced to be introspective of himself which helped him understand Celaena.

I was the reader who was at first very taken with Chaol’s ability to recognize the danger Celaena presented while still falling in love still her— but Sarah J Maas presents a deeper love that loving people in spite of their flaws. That was always her intent, and the reason why Celaena never truly could give herself fully to Dorian or Chaol.

Instead of loving “in SPITE of” flaws and ambiguities, Rowan loves Aelin for her flaws. He loves her for her brokenness, for her wickedness— he loves her for her cleverness and kindness too. Because he recognizes them from inside his own heart.

Now, I think Rowan and Aelin (switching over now) still have kinks they need to work out. I think sometimes they are too willing to let their dark sides dictate their actions and that they should encourage each other to strive for better instead of agreeing with one another just because they are “perfectly in synch”. It is something we are beginning to see with Rowan and something I think Aelin will develop more over time. (It’s easy to forget sometimes that she is only nineteen and still very, very young in some ways.)

All that being said, I also think it’s important to explore the fact that all the characters are growing and changing.

I see a lot of people expressing their anger at Chaol for asking Celaena what she did to deserve her whipping from Endovier— and a lot of comparison between Rowan’s reaction and his.

While I think it is an important distinction for Celaena, I wouldn’t compare the characters merit off of it.

If you’ll recall, Dorian upon first meeting Celaena asks to see her back so he can see her scars and then muses that they can find dresses to “cover most of them”. No one seems to bring Dorian under the microscope for treating a woman like a prize show pony.

Mind you, I’m not ragging on Dorian. I love his character, especially now that he is growing and evolving, but in the first book he’s very much a spoiled prince.

Chaol’s reaction is equally shitty— asking what someone did to deserve being whipped. Mind you, Celaena IS a mass murderer— one Chaol is getting friendly with and often tries to emotionally distance himself from because of his moral standings. Whipping a human is wrong and inhumane, but so is murdering people for money. Something Chaol often struggles with Celaena in the first book, this morally gray ground between knowing what she has done and beginning to understand why she has done it. That being said, they finish the conversation about Endovier with Chaol being sympathetic of her, much to her surprise.

The first two books show Chaol, Dorian and Celaena as only the base of what they will become. They are all more selfish, more childish and immature than they will be in later books. Chaol and Dorian have experienced little of the darker aspects of life and Celaena has experienced too little of the brighter aspects.

I think that’s what makes them so much more suitable for the love interest they find later in the books.

Rowan would find Celaena in the first book to be utterly frivolous— bratty, vain, and selfish. Instead, he meets the girl whose soul has been broken one too many times, who might still be vain and selfish but who is also struggling to breathe, to find courage in herself to live her life for others.

Manon would find the Dorian to be completely unworthy of her time— and Dorian would probably be terrified of Manon. Dorian’s lack of fear of her is probably one of his most attractive features to Manon— his ability to be ruthless and cold while still being passionate and brave. The Dorian in ToG is completely different from the one we see in EoS. The prince who longs for love and adventure has been replaced by the king who is bathed in tragedy and is struggling to save his people.

And Yrene would have much less interest in the holier-than-thou, stern Captain of the Guard than she does in the broken and struggling Hand of the King.

I think the development of these characters is so beautifully written, so utterly well-formed. I loved Chaol, Celaena and Dorian in the first book but I love them more with each struggle that brings them closer to finding themselves. I love watching them break and be reforged stronger and better than before. I can’t wait to see Dorian’s evolution, and I really think the next book will show his rise from the darkness like HoF and ToD did for Celaena and Chaol respectively.

My only hope is that we get to see more of the three of them together, showing the bonds they forged and that we first fell in love with but now with each of them having grown into themselves.

6 years ago

on the rights of women to own their own work. crummy crabapple speaks!

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Yes, this stuff is still going on. I was hoping it would have ended after this, but it hasn’t, and being called a bitch whore murderer gets wearing fast when it’s based on nothing.

Look, frank talk about this stuff on Tumblr is often discouraged — when you have a small but pretty active group of “haters,” as happens nowadays to most successful creators, especially women, the general rule of thumb is not to talk to or about them. Blocking them on twitter excites them: it’s attention. Replying is pointless, explaining is deliberately misinterpreted, the truth is a lie, lies are truth, up is down, winning is losing. You can’t win in this situation, anyway: nobody can or does, everyone loses. The creators, the fandom, those caught in the middle (actors, etc.) Everyone.

This business about me killing Alec isn’t a rumor. It’s a lie. A purposeful lie told to make a point: that I am a bad person unworthy of my creations and that if I am a bad enough person, it’s okay to say they don’t belong to me, that I didn’t create them, that there is essentially no value in the act of creation, especially when it is done by a woman.

As we all know but mostly don’t talk about because If You Speak It They Will Come, there is a small group of anti-TMI-book fans who believe the books and the show are at war.  (They are not the show’s fans. They are something else entirely. I talk to perfectly nice show fans all the time: these are less people who love Shadowhunters than people dedicated to the idea that if they scream about it long enough, the show will cease being based on this particular book series: an ultimately doomed goal that nevertheless leaves them plenty of opportunities to annoy the rest of us.) Instead of being able to accept that art is partly subjective, they are in a constant battle for an imaginary moral high ground in which they are the keepers of a version of the Mortal Instruments that has been objectively purified of all problematic elements. 

The problem there being, of course, that there is no such thing as perfect, unproblematic media. Art comes from humans and humans are flawed. If you expect perfection you will be bitterly disappointed every single time: I’ve watched it happen over and over, as the this showrunner is a gift tag turns into the This showrunner is not a gift tag,  and many of those who last year spoke glowingly of wrapping Ed Decter, their unproblematic hero (who once said to me in wonder, “You really worked a miracle with Malec, you know, people care about them as if they were a normal couple”), in cotton wool and fuzzy socks, now refer to Todd Slavkin as “Toad.”* Plenty of articles about the problematic elements of Shadowhunters have now been written and plenty of posts posted. (If Ed hadn’t been fired, he might have stuck around long enough to get called Ediot; these things are, after all, just a matter of time. (i get called “Casserole”, seriously, I am not kidding you, you cannot make this shit up.) ) 

To clarify: I am definitely NOT saying that a (potentially problematic) work should remain uncriticized to spare the feelings of the creators because they are flawed humans like everyone else. Criticism is valid; criticism is useful; criticism is important. What I am talking about in this post is not criticism. Telling a creator that her creations should be taken away from her because she “doesn’t deserve them”: not criticism. Making up funny names and mean hashtags for creators you don’t like: obviously hilarious for some, but definitely not criticism. And to some extent everyone knows this – so if it’s important to you that a creator be denied the right to claim ownership of, and pride in, her own work, it has to be because she is not just problematic but corrupt, evil, and cruel. She has to be morally bankrupt such that removing her from the narrative of her own creation is a moral good.

And so the lie that I’m planning to kill Alec (framed within the true narrative that killing off LGBT+ characters is a serious fucking problem in media) is a natural development: because wouldn’t that be awful and mean the books were morally very bad and wrong and shouldn’t creators who create bad wrong things have their creations taken away from them? Which would be just another Misogyny Tuesday on the internet except for the fact that it’s exploiting the fears of a vulnerable group of people (LGBT+ fans for whom Alec means a lot, in whatever format – fans who have seen over and over LGBT characters die for nothing, for shitty reasons, for straight people, on TV and in movies and in comics and in books and are therefore in a place to be incredibly hurt by it happening again), to score a point in what is basically a ship war. And that is really shitty.

And yes, it’s a ship war.

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There was really a “salty casserole” joke in there begging to be made. Missed opportunity!

So, why am I salty, you might ask? There is this belief that I must be Upset With The Show because people care about Malec on it more than Clace: my friends, the field where I grow my fucks is barren on this topic. I made up both couples. I don’t care which one you ship more, especially in a format where their story is not being told by me and for all I know, the showrunners don’t even want you shipping Clace at the moment. They seem into Climon and oh God, I have bored myself with this tangent.

I invented Clace and Malec. I’m writing a trilogy about Malec because I love Malec and have a story in my head about them, despite being offered three times the money to write one about Clace, as they’re “more marketable.” I do not have a favorite. Maybe writing works that way for some people but I doubt it. I’ve always said I don’t ship in my own books, and that is precisely what I meant. 

Moving on: Are there things that have upset me about the show and the way it was developed? Yes — being told my mostly-female audience wasn’t a desirable one because they’re female; the fact that the female artist of color who created the runes has never been paid or credited for their use; being told Isabelle was “tits and ass”, being told Alec being gay was “a strike against his likeability”, contractual shit you will never know about because that stuff isn’t public — but for some reason I’m supposed to give a flying fuck about who ships what canon couple on the show? For viewers, as it should be, this is a TV show: for me this is part of my brand and has real-world consequences for my life. Unsurprisingly I care about those, not some imaginary ship war.

I was thrilled Shadowhunters won a GLAAD award for Magnus and Alec.  (I was thrilled when the movie of Mortal Instruments got a GLAAD award nomination for Magnus and Alec though there was so little of them in the movie, it served to really underline the paucity of LGBT+ storylines in major film and tv.) I congratulated Matt and Harry on twitter; the comments below mine are something of a primer in why female creators are fleeing the internet in greater and greater numbers.

https://twitter.com/cassieclare/status/848497330999369729

The message is overwhelmingly: “Shut up, bitch, how dare you open your mouth and remind us that this show exists because your books do, even though you didn’t actually say that but you see, we like to pretend you’re dead and it’s inconvenient when you speak.” I’d imagine every one of those commenters would tell you they were a feminist, too. The idea that nothing is gained by shutting up women or denying that their intellectual property has worth or value is apparently one that seems good in the abstract, but falls at the first hurdle of but I don’t like her.

The abstract often does fail when it comes into conflict with the concrete. Being a feminist ally means being an ally even to women you don’t like, because being an ally only to people you like requires no effort and less thought. That doesn’t mean never criticizing women or their work. But it does require interrogating what’s going on in your own head. One of the most unpleasant haters I see on twitter, who viciously loathes me though we have never met, has read all my books; she has Malec in her username, and a quote from the books in her bio. She has Cassandra Jean’s art on her twitter page, and Valerie Freire’s rune designs in her text and background. That’s a lot of mental and artistic real estate devoted to the work of three women she refers to as 
“garbage trash.” (Though I think Cassandra Jean and Val are mostly garbage trash because they associate with me and should instead have waited ten years for the TV show to come along so they could draw pictures of it or something. I don’t really understand it: the cognitive dissonance that allows to you dedicate your life to “Malec” while crapping on the person who created both characters and their relationship is so enormous that I can only follow it so far and no farther. I understand thinking that the show version is better, but not whatever warped fantasy tells you that if the books had never been written the show (now called “Evilchasers” perhaps) would have heroically found a way to invent the  story of a gay demon-fighting warrior and his biracial warlock boyfriend anyway because that very specific story was floating around the ethereal planes waiting to be discovered by the psychic powers of Disney and it is only by great misfortune that I got to it first.) Point being: if your username is “Bubbles loves Malec” yet your twitter is dedicated to spewing venom at the person without whom the thing you love would not exist, it might be time to ask yourself some questions about cause and effect, and also, what that hate of yours is doing for you, psychologically speaking.

Look, I am going to get a lot of shit for this post, but whatever — the upside of being constantly screamed at for things you have not done (slut-shamed Isabelle, planned to murder Alec, thus contributing to the fucking awful homophobic trope of killing off gay characters, “stabbed the actors in the back”, promoted incest, poisoned the earth’s water supply) is that you no longer bother worrying about being screamed at for things you did do. I won’t do set visits or conventions since coming back from NY Comicon to stuff like this:  

image

I’m not going to comment on the specifics, save to say they represent a massive and almost hilarious (though probably deliberate) misinterpretation of literally everything that happened on that panel. (If the network didn’t want book fans there, asking me questions, they wouldn’t have brought me there. I was there to do promotion for the show by talking about the show and the books — I am the author, and what the literal fuck else do you think they brought me there to talk about? The history of Belgian cabinet-making? They don’t think attention paid to the books takes away from the show: only a small group of asshats think that, and it’s weird that the OP never paused to think that if they didn’t want me there talking about the books, they could simply NOT HAVE INVITED ME. Also did it seriously never occur to them that panelists are asked to speak at certain junctures or in reference to certain questions, or gestured at to do so, we don’t just randomly interject? Lord.

I will admit it was extreme of Harry not to leave me lying there on the floor or maybe drop a chair on my head while no one was looking. He should reconsider his choices.)

But that’s the thing: posts like this one are the reason I haven’t gone back to set, or gone to another convention, or promoted the show. Would you go to a convention if you knew people like this were going to be feet away from you in the audience? I’m a grown-up, I can take being called Crummy Crabapple (did the whole kindergarten class vote on that one or was it a decision by fiat…?) but the sheer hate that underpins the silliness of the post makes the idea of being near people who think like that fairly shuddery. 

I gathered a few such posts together to show to FF, and the network’s never blamed me for not wanting to go out and physically promote again. The sad part of all this is that mostly I pretend the show doesn’t exist because the downside of mentioning it is being screamed at for days by asshats (Let me be very specific what I mean by “asshats” = people who send threats, who use insulting gendered language, make anti-Semitic slurs, and repeatedly tell me I should not be allowed to own my own work — if this is not stuff you do, I’m not talking about you. Criticism of the books is fine and irrelevant.) 

We all know these asshats exist — and we are all sad about it: me, the network, the actors, the showrunners, because the net result of them existing is that I don’t talk about or promote the show, and that’s a loss for a show that could really use that outreach. Losing me, my online audience, my worldwide publishers, as potential promotional partners is bad, not good, for a show that these people theoretically love. Losing the book fans the show depended on as viewers, but who can’t stand the toxic atmosphere, is bad, not good, for the actors and writers they claim to support. Screaming “INCEST FREAK!” at every twelve year old who comes online and timidly asks when they will see Chairman Meow is not going to raise the show’s ratings. If someone is more interested in driving away the show’s potential audience because they regard them as moral degenerates than they are in getting it renewed, that’s their bliss to follow, but the reason I’m mentioning these people at all is 1) I’m disturbed by the narrative women shouldn’t be allowed to own their own work and 2) many many posts have now been made about what an awful place the Shadowhunters/TMI fandom is, and that sucks for everyone. Sadly, it doesn’t take that many people to ruin an online space.

The idea that the books and the show are at war for kibbles is a fannish one (most people, including my publisher, regard TV shows based on books as advertising for those books because from a book perspective that’s what they are) seems to come out of the fact that fans argue about which they like better, something that has happened since the dawn of adaptations. I remember it from when I was in the Harry Potter fandom: Alan Rickman understood Snape better than JKR, the movies gave Draco more depth, etc and so on. Looking back now I can see the irony of people with usernames like Lupinfan talking about how Lupin was sidelined in the books but not the movies, but distance gives infinite perspective, I suppose. If you like Malec better on the show: awesome. They still exist on the show because they were invented in the books. That statement will be interpreted as the height of arrogance, but it’s just flat fact. They matter in both formats to a lot of people. There will never be a hand of God that reaches down from the sky and declares either one better. It will always be a matter of taste and opinion. The fact that art is subjective is something we all have to live with.

image

This is what I mean about the “killing Alec” lie: it has become part of the justification for my unworthiness to claim to have anything to do with my own characters. Killing Alec would be a bad thing to do to Alec (and Magnus); thus I would be terribly maltreating Alec (and Magnus); thus I don’t deserve to have anything to do with Alec (or Magnus). Thus it is okay to tell me to get the fuck out – how dare I even open my bitch mouth to congratulate the actors playing my characters if I would do something so terrible to them, after all? And who cares if it’s a lie and no one can source it? (Come on now, be real — no one tried.)

Whether I deserve Alec and Magnus is somewhat beside the point: I invented them regardless, and there was a large and profoundly intense Malec fandom before the show ever aired, whose existence is in fact directly responsible for the fact that Malec are a thing on the show at all. (Initially, neither of them appeared or were even referred to in the pilot.) Reality doesn’t really intrude into the fantasy that Magnus and Alec and Isabelle and Jace descended, pre-created, from a sky cloud, though: the fan/creator ownership dichotomy has existed since before Arthur Conan Doyle was bullied into bringing Sherlock back from the dead. Fans and creators don’t always agree and creators aren’t always right. What they are, however, always, is creators.

image

(In case I had forgotten that I am not, in fact, a hot dude actor. ASTONISHING INFORMATION.) It is mysterious to interpret congratulating actors as taking “credit for Matt and Harry’s hard work”;  I neither need or want that anyway because I am not an actor; I am already credited on the show as the author of the source material, which is what I am. (I’ve won plenty of book awards but would be very puzzled to win, say, a Nobel prize for chemistry.) I congratulated the actors knowing I’d get a raft of shit for either doing so or not doing so: I chose to do so despite the inevitable annoyance factor because I like Matt and Harry; I wanted them hired; I like how much they love the characters, and I’ve always found them to be kind people who would loathe and despise the kind of tweets these folks are sending on their behalf.

Ironic, that.

But yeah, I also sent it because I’m proud of Malec. Deal with that. Women need to be allowed to be proud of their work sometimes without that being considered a deep evil. I don’t think the Magnus and Alec I created are perfect (by which I mean my writing of them, not their endearing flaws ;) but they represent years of work and love, and like any author would be, I’m thrilled to see the screen version of them acknowledged twice as something special. That’s very normal: for the GLAAD win, I got flowers from my publisher, congrats from the network and from my agents at CAA, because why wouldn’t you congratulate an author on something good happening to an adaptation of their books? The idea that when discussing an adaptation of their work, an author should reel back in terror screaming “I AM UNWORTHY TO BE MENTIONED IN THE SAME SENTENCES AS THE CHARACTERS I CREATED!” is so bizarre to most people that if you tried to explain to them that some women, not all women hahaha of course, but SOME WOMEN JUST DONT DESERVE TO BE ALLOWED TO TALK OR CLAIM THEY CAN “OWN” THINGS AMIRITE, they would back quietly away muttering that they had an important appointment to get their hedgehog dyed blue because they would literally think you were probably a serial killer.

This situation is not unique to these books, to me, or to this show: however, there is a special angle to this particular situation. Many commenters on all this have noted that the books are a female creation, the show a male one. Ed, Todd, Michael, Matt, McG, and Darren are all men, and in many ways, people find it much more comfortable, much easier, and much simpler to give uncritical admiration to men. They’re men, and therefore they have authority I don’t, and my continued existence as the author of the source material of Shadowhunters is seen as even more horrible because it makes it a girl thing, and “girl things” are less serious and less worthy. One of the things I often see the haters say is that the show is “older”; in fact the audience of the show is statistically younger than the book’s audience (I’ve seen the numbers) but I think it’s hard not to want to dismiss something so imbued with lady germs as being inherently inferior (and what’s more inferior than young women? It’s trendy to bash YA, which is seen as the province the young and the female – surely preferring men’s work makes you, you know, a more serious person? And surely if I had the sense God gave a weasel, I’d stop writing, give the book rights to some guy, and retire in shame? GO FORTH HARLOT AND WRITE YA NO MORE.)

Feminism does not mean you cannot criticize works by women. I’ve said that before, but I’m saying it again because it’s so easy to dismiss essays like this by saying “She’s hiding behind feminism and claiming we can’t criticize her because she’s a woman!” Nope. (Though it does mean you look for patterns. It’s kind of interesting there’s this small group of people who believe these characters/storylines really came alive when control of them was handed over to a series of ever-changing white middle-aged men. I mean, coincidence perhaps, but…?) I haven’t addressed criticism here really because it’s not the point: there is a huge gap between writing a bad review of a woman’s book and crusading for the idea that she shouldn’t be allowed to own her own intellectual property. Men taking away, literally taking away the money made from and authorship of women’s work is an ugly part of history (“Colette and [her husband] separated in 1906, although it was not until 1910 that the divorce became final. She had no access to the sizable earnings of the Claudine books [she had written]—the copyright belonged to him”) and it’s disturbing to see a group of primarily women argue that it should be repeated.

If the idea that a woman created Magnus and Alec, or any characters or world, is so horribly, terribly bothersome that you have to make up lies that, in your mind, render her unworthy of her own creation so that it’s all right to “take it from her” by discounting her role as a writer, her ownership of her own intellectual property, her right to exist as a person and to stand on the same stage at a convention as the “gem-like saint” male actors playing her characters —  maybe think about why?* What does screaming that I’d better not think Alec and Magnus have anything to do with me get you, really? Except the knowledge that if, one day, you write or create or draw something people love, you’ve helped create an environment in which it’s a veritable certainty you’ll get treated like you’re a piece of shit for doing it?

*And “bitch” is “bitch”, friends. It doesn’t matter what letters you take out, it’s still misogynist and still shitty. You know what you’re saying, and so does everyone else. Try asshat, really. I recommend it.

6 years ago
I Was Finally Able To Read This After So Many Of You Recommended It To Me And What Can I Say - It Was
I Was Finally Able To Read This After So Many Of You Recommended It To Me And What Can I Say - It Was

I was finally able to read this after so many of you recommended it to me and what can I say - it was fluff in the best way possible and definitely warmed my cold little heart!

6 years ago

“I don’t trust them, Aelin. Especially that male,” Rowan said as soon as they were alone. The breeze from their open windows was chill compared to the summer heat outside. His Magic’s doing to cool himself off. “He is ancient - perhaps the oldest male I’ve ever encountered and his power -”

Rowan cut himself of as he pictured it. Dark and sinister, inky nightmares. Like the Valg, but he was utterly Fae. The king had never encountered anything like it in all of his years. As much as he hated bringing back the memories, the male’s magic reminded him of Maeve.

Aelin, however, was distant - peering out of their open windows towards the far tower where their guests were staying. She didn’t seem worried in the slightest. Just lost in thought.

“Fireheart?” Rowan tried. Thankfully, Aelin met his gaze. He knitted his eyebrows in worry. Please say something.

Aelin glimpsed away briefly, something like anguish crossing her face. Then she looked at him with an expression akin to his. “I know them, Rowan.”

6 years ago

Dear Rhysand,

I miss you. You haven’t been gone long, and yet the ache for your return is harder to bare than I imagined. I’ve known you a long time, and imagined a life with you that lasted forever. Yet, that life was interrupted by you. You leaving, never to come back because your body is now buried under six feet of dirt and snow. My future is unpredictable now, unsteady and reluctant to stay on the path we had carved. 

Dear Rhysand,

I miss you like the wind misses the trees. Like fish miss water. Like people miss home. You were my home, my anchor, my rock, my everything. And you left, with nothing as a home except our Circle.

Dear Rhysand,

I wake up with nightmares now. I wake up screaming sometimes, seeing your death roll around in my dreams. Other times, I wake up crying, feeling for my lost love. But, you are never there, wrapped in our blanket like the thief you were. I am alone in bed now, and it’s always cold. It used to always be warm.

Keep reading

6 years ago

Forget pulling all-nighters and chugging coffee until it’s practically coursing through your veins. You know what gets me hyped up? Earl Grey tea on slow sunny mornings after a good night’s sleep. Submitting an assignment early, knowing you’ve completed it to the best of your ability. Reading for pleasure. That feeling of limbless relaxation after a good workout. Unearthing all your buried interests and falling in love with them over and over again.

Repeat after me: success is not suffering. Success is nOT-

6 years ago
 Its Armor. On A Woman. It Doesnt Have To Look Feminine.
 Its Armor. On A Woman. It Doesnt Have To Look Feminine.

“ It’s armor. On a woman. It doesn’t have to look feminine.”

6 years ago
Ya Lit Meme:/ Series/books.
Ya Lit Meme:/ Series/books.
Ya Lit Meme:/ Series/books.

ya lit meme: ³/₁₀ series/books.

a court of thorns and roses by sarah j. maas.

6 years ago
Elain And Azriel
Elain And Azriel

Elain and Azriel 

“I have been a little off balance since the day I met you. This is because I had never known what it is like to be perfectly aligned.”

- Courtney Peppernell

Artwork 100% inspired by @rhysanoodle ‘s Perfectly Aligned fic A MUST READ for elriel fanatics like myself, I feel so blessed to have been a part of it 

DO NOT REPOST OR EDIT IN ANYWAY its been a very long time since I posted any of my artwork to tumblr so please don’t make me regret that decision 

6 years ago
My Queen Inej + One Of My Favorite Quotes In Her Povs

My queen inej + one of my favorite quotes in her povs

6 years ago
Were So Excited To Share This First Look At The Absolutely Stunning A Court Of Thorns And Roses Collectors

We’re so excited to share this first look at the absolutely stunning A Court of Thorns and Roses Collector’s Edition! We can’t wait to put this on our Sarah J. Maas shelves later this year!

6 years ago
After Weeks Of Serious Work, Decided To Make Something More Casual. And Since I Had So Many Occasions

After weeks of serious work, decided to make something more casual. And since I had so many occasions where people confused other characters with him and/or asked me to draw him SO MANY TIMES, here he is.

Rhysand from A court of thorns and roses series by Sarah J Maas.

I'm not really into these books anymore, but this fandom has always been so supportive and loud that I think that every once and a while I'll make something for you, even though it's not my story of choice. And when you get a character described as Rhys is, it becomes an artistic challenge to nail him down. 😊

I get that he is kinda more on a lean side, but buff dudes are more my taste and that transfers in my work sometimes. Sorry not sorry, I guess? 😂

We all know whose shoe this is, amirite? 😏

(one day I'll sit and learn how to draw hands without crying and you'll probably won't see me for months)

6 years ago

TW Don’t kill yourself today

Don’t kill yourself today

Because your Netflix trial still has a week left

Don’t kill yourself today

Because no one else will finish off the chicken in the fridge

Don’t kill yourself today

Because I know for a fact that Starbucks is releasing a new Frappuccino sometime next month

Yes, your mother will miss you

Yes your bully will make a sappy Facebook post about how what a a wonderful person you were

And yes

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem

You know that

You’ve known that

Everyone and anyone has been shoving that down your throat since they first learned what the word suicide meant

So don’t kill yourself

Until you finish your shampoo and conditioner at the same time

Don’t kill yourself

Until Doctor Who is finally cancelled

Don’t kill yourself

Until you tell someone your best pasta recipe 

Don’t kill yourself 

Because I will keep coming up with reasons for you not to

And I need you

To hear all of them

Don’t kill yourself

I love you

You’re important

It’s a bad day

Not a bad life

There is more to this

The world will keep spinning on its axis without you

But

Think of all the sunrises you’d miss

I know this sounds pointless

But when you’re sitting in front of everything deadly you own

Revising your goodbyes

There will be too much darkness 

To see anything else

But this is not about seeing anything else

This is about turning off the lights

This is about finding the bed instead of the noose

This is about giving yourself one more day

Even if it takes ten thousand of those

One more morning’s

Until

“I can’t wait for tomorrow”

This is about staying alive

Because there’s gonna be a new Marvel movie

No one should miss that

This is about staying alive

Because the future is coming 

And it’s ready for you

I don’ t need you to see it

I just need you to believe you can make it 

Until then

- Hannah Dains

6 years ago

a list of some of the reasons why lily chen is the most iconic

Brother Mackariah

Brother Lipsmackeriah

Brother Beast-with-two-backs-ariah

Brother hop-in-the-sack-ariah

once you go Zachariah, you never go backariah

Brother Let-him-see-my-rack-ariah

Brother Zacharide-him-like-a-bad-pony

Brother Sixpackariah.

6 years ago

Tessa: *to Will* I know you and Jem are parabatai

Tessa: And that he’s the only who understands you

Tessa: And that you love him more than everyone else

Tessa: But you can’t write a WHOLE poetry book on his “sweet and deep eyes” and his “silver and silky hair”