BATIM/BATDR Au With The Ink Demon's New 'Human'

BATIM/BATDR au with The Ink Demon's new 'Human'

Inreality She's just another Ink experiment Joey threw out that Henry Adopted after finding her in one of the cycles & Audrey sees her as a younger sibling [Audrey is younger than her]

[The Ink Demon secretly really cares about Her, Audrey & Henry]

We'll refer to her as 'Her' or '1165' till I decide to tell you all her real name.

HUMANS I GIVE U MY GENSHIN AU INCORRECT QUOTES~

Ships: Zhongli x Nightmare, Terry x Venti, Xiao x Aether, Devil x Ash

[ocs: Nightmare, & Terry are twins, & Ash & Devil are their parents]

Zhongli & Nightmare are Xiao's adoptive parents.

Ages: G!Aether min 500, A!Xiao 2000, Arc!Venti 2500, D!Zhongli 6000, D!Nightmare: 7000, D!Terry: 7000, D!Ash 8000, D!Devil 8000

[D! = Dragon, A! = Adeptus, Arc! Archon, G! God from another realm]

TW: Swearing, mentions of Drugs, mentions of smoking, mentions of weapons, mentions of being stabbed, Ships you might not like, Weird/toxic family relations [Nightmare & Terry], mentions of Funerals, mentions of death, I think that's all-

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Aether: You know what I’ve realized? Xiao: Some thoughts are better left unsaid? Aether: Nice try, anyways-

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Devil : *talking about Terry’s funeral* You do know we’re burying a great person today! Zhongli [& Nightmare], shocked: Did someone else die?

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Xiao: Can you cut me some slack, Aether? I’m sort of in love. Aether: I’m sorry, but that’s really not my problem. Xiao: I’m in love with you. Aether: *blushes* Oh. That brings me in the loop a little.

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Terry: Pfft, you should meet Venti, they're such a tsundere. Aether: They… they just stabbed you. Terry: So cute.

Nightmare, in the background: wtf bro-

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Xiao: How many children do you have? Nightmare: Biologically, legally, or emotionally? Because there is a difference.

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Terry: Something tells me Devil 's going to be a bit more unhinged today… Devil, holding a lit match and a bag of cheetos: Leave me be, Ash isn't home to stop me, I'm going feral.

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Zhongli: Why are you late? Nightmare: A technical error occurred, causing an unexpectedly long bout of unconsciousness. Zhongli: Overslept? Nightmare: Overslept.

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Venti: Where are my fucking keys? Terry: Venti, Razor is around, can you say it a little nicer? Venti: May I ascertain the whereabouts of my FUCKING KEYS?!

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PAST! [about 1000 years before the timeline we are at in the rest of the quotes, basically when Zhongli was trying to get Nightmare to marry him]

Terry, about Nightmare and Zhongli: My god, would you two just get a room already? Nightmare: Excuse me, Terry? Terry: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding? Zhongli : … Venti: I ship it! Xiao, who hasn't mentally prepared for both his Parental figures to actually be married: CAN YOU NOT?

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Nightmare: You disgust me. Terry: *eating a kitkat sideways* I realize this and don’t care.

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[siblings lol-, oh btw Nightmare is based of me, Terry is based of my younger brother, Ash is based off my mom, & Devil is based off my dad]

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Devil : I'm so tired of this life. I want to be a roomba. I want knives taped to me. And I want to be set loose.

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Aether: *eating a cinnamon roll* Xiao: Cannibalism. Aether: *confused chewing noises*

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Ash, carrying a box: What would you say if- if I, hypothetically, came home with 7 kittens one day? Devil : … Devil : What’s in the box? Ash: What woul- Devil : Ash, what’s in the box? Ash: I think you know.

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Zhongli: If God’s ever been mad at anything I’ve ever said, he hasn’t done shit about it. Zhongli: So he either doesn’t care or he’s a coward.

[boy you are a god- still added this tho bc it was fucking hilarious]

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Devil: I can’t believe all these people are wearing black. black is supposed to be my thing, they’re all just posers. Ash: Devil, for the last time, we’re at a funeral.

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[About when Zhongli was 100, Nightmare was 1100, & Ash was 2100]

Nightmare: I don’t remember that. Ash: Do you remember that night last week when you slept in a revolving door? Nightmare: …No. Ash: Okay, do you remember when you were chased by those wild dogs for two miles? Nightmare: Not especially, no. Ash: It was in between those two things.

Worried Baby Zhongli noises: ???

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Aether: Okay! Let’s play Kiss Marry Kill! Aether: First who would you kill? *Ash points at Venti* *Zhongli points at Venti* *Devil points at Venti* Venti: *shrugs* I would kill me too.

Terry: ?????

Nightmare, laughing her ass off: HOLY ARCHONS-

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Ash: Are you laughing at that video of Nightmare and Aether fighting? Venti: No. Venti: I'm laughing at the comments.

[Nightmare whooped Aethers ass btw, ain't no way he was gonna beat a psychotic 7000+ dragon lol-]

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*Having a argument*

Venti : Go fuck yourself. Terry: Come over here and fuck me yourself you coward!

Nightmare: if you're gonna do that you both better go back to your house, there is no way I'm letting u two fuck each other in my kitchen.

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[None of them canonly smoke in my au btw]

Nightmare, rubbing their temples: I am not proud of what I am about to say, but someone get me a cigarette. Ash: But Nightmare, we don't smoke. Nightmare: Cut the crap, Ash. I'm not an idiot. I know that one in five people smoke. Nightmare: *points at Zhongli* One!* points at Xiao* Two! *points at Devil* Three! *points at Venti* Four! *points at Ash* Five! Nightmare: Now, I am going to close my eyes, and when I open them, there better be a cigarette between these two fingers! Zhongli: *puts a cigarette in Nightmare's hand* Nightmare: Thank you Love. …Light? The Squad: *all simultaneously pull out lighters*

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Aether: If I didn't know any better, I'd say you're impressed. Xiao: But you do know better.

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Xiao: Aether, why are you crying? Aether: This book is so sad!! Xiao, picking it up: But this is my diary-

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Venti: Good news! I didn’t screw up! Terry: … Venti: I screwed up less badly than usual! Terry: … Venti: Screwed up with less immediate consequences than usual.

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Ash: :) Nightmare: >:( Ash: Turn that frown upside down! Nightmare: ):< Ash: Not sure what I was expecting…

[this is way too accurate to me and my mom irl lol-]

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Ash : Wanna get out of here and grab a bite to eat. Venti: I don’t usually eat with losers. Ash : Neither do I but I asked you, didn’t I?

[My mom hates Venti, But my Brother loves him lol-]

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Zhongli : This can’t get any worse. Can it? Nightmare: Sure it can- just give me a minute.

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Zhongli: The real treasure was the memories we made along the way. Terry: I almost died. Zhongli: That… was my favorite memory.

Nightmare, laughing her ass off: Agreed-

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Terry: Heyyy Venti, how’s your… drink?? Venti: What do you mean drink? It’s coffee. Terry: You sure?? *Looks to coffee maker* Venti: *Looks to coffee maker* *Cement sitting beside the coffee maker* Venti:…I’m on my third fucking drink right now, I should be dead. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Nightmare, looking at their watch: It has been 2 hours and sixteen minutes since I’ve been insulted. Nightmare: It’s been about 5 seconds since I’ve been assaulted, but let’s not talk about that.

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Terry: Shut up, you’re messing with my train of thought! Nightmare: I thought you didn’t have a brain and now you say you have thoughts?

[Me & My brother irl:]

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Venti: *slowly pushes a cannon into a 17th century bank* Okay everyone, be cool. This is a robbery.

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Venti: Why don't we just call it, "M.C. Donald's?" Xiao: Because it just sounds like a stupid rapper's name. Aether: It'd just be like- "Eyo, it's ya boy, M.C. Donald!"

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Venti: Look at the buns on that guy! Nightmare: *lying on the floor, covered in hamburger buns* Fuck you. Terry: This is the comedy police! The joke's too funny! Venti: I'm not going back to jail!

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Zhongli: The ‘how the fucks’ and 'why are you so dumbs’ don’t matter. All that matters is that I have a new gun.

Nightmare: *was the one who bought him it* ^^

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*Terry is laying on the floor with their eyes closed* Nightmare: Hey, are they sleeping or dead? Zhongli: Hopefully dead, I hated them. Nightmare: Yeah, me too. Terry , sitting up: First of all, fuck you guys.

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Venti: You call yourself my soulmate, but where were you when my meme only had four likes? Terry : Making four accounts. Venti, tearing up: Really…?

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Zhongli: You wanna fight?! You got one! Venti : Okay! *raises fists* *Terry runs in, scoops Venti up in their arms, and runs away carrying them* Zhongli: Zhongli: What?

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Xiao: Due to personal reasons, I will be fucking sinking to the bottom of the ocean in a large metal box. Terry: Did Aether say 'I love you' and you said 'Thanks'? Xiao: THE REASONS ARE PERSONAL–

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*The gang when they drop food on the floor* Ash: Aw man. *Throws it away* Terry: Five second rule! Devil : Foolish germs, thinking they can stop me!? Eats it off the floor Nightmare: *Sobs on the floor*

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Ash: Hey, Joe said he's coming over this afternoon. Terry: Cool. Ash: Do you know who Joe is? Terry: JOE MAMA! Nightmare, not even looking up from their phone: Damn, that backfired.

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Devil: Can I have some water? Terry: *starts chugging their water bottle* Terry: *chokes from drinking too fast* Terry: *spills water all over themself* Terry, coughing: I don't have any water.

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Venti : As someone who has a long history of not understanding anything, I feel confident in my ability to continue not knowing what is going on.

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Terry: A party is a celebration of a life, bringing people together to let the guest of honor know how much they’re loved. Nightmare has done so much for us. This is our chance to do something for them. Zhongli: By forcing them to have fun at a party that they don’t want to be at? Terry: I knew you’d understand.

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Zhongli: What's gone wrong, Aether? Aether: Hey! That’s one hell of a thing to say to a person. Just because I’m calling doesn’t mean there’s a crisis. Zhongli: That’s technically true, I suppose. Why are you calling? Aether: Well… There’s a crisis.

[lol Father-In-Law & Son-In-Law having a normal conversation]

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Devil : Hey Zhongli, Nightmare just broke my seashell lamp. Zhongli: Neat. I’m gonna die alone. Devil : Okay, you win.

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Terry: Hey, do you know the password to Nightmare’s computer? Zhongli: Fuck you, Terry. Terry: Hey!! Zhongli: No, you misunderstood, the password is "fuckyouTerry". Terry: Oh, no numbers? Not very safe.

[Not her password btw lol-]

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Aether: A SPIDEEER!!!!!! Venti: KILL IT! SMASH IT! Terry : BURN IT! Nightmare: STAB IT! WITH A KNIFE! GET ME THE SHOTGUN! Ash: Awww, it’s so cute! Look at it!

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Drunk! Aether: Babe, you're so funny! Nightmare: We have 1492 days until your tragic premature death. You will break my trust three times before that happens, but I forgive you. Drunk! Aether: Awwww, that's sweet of you!

Nightmare: Aether where is your Boyfriend even?

Drunk! Aether: idk-

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Nightmare: Alright, listen up you little shits. Nightmare: Not you Aether. You’re an angel and we’re thrilled you’re here.

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Zhongli: Don’t be sad! Nightmare: Why not? Zhongli: Zhongli: I don’t have a good answer.

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Xiao: Play to your strengths. Terry: I haven’t got any!

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Terry: So what are your political beliefs? Venti, awkwardly trying to impress them: Well, I think Pikachu would be a lot more powerful if he had a gun.

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Devil : I feel like the world would be better if I'd never been born. Ash: Aw… that's not true. Ash: It'd be exactly the same. Ash: You're not important.

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Xiao: If I see a bug, I simply leave the room elegantly and require someone else do something about it. Xiao: If no one fulfills my wish, I simply never go back in there.

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Xiao: I know where you live. Devil : Where? Xiao: In a house.

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Zhongli: Dearly Beloved, we are here today to remember Nightmare, taken from us in the prime of life; when they were crushed by a runaway semi, driven by the Incredible Hulk. Nightmare: Aww, you knew my favorite cause of death.

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The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword Devil : Rude. Aether: That's fair. Zhongli: Not again. Nightmare: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it?

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*At a dinner party, the guests converse while the host is away* Xiao: So how do you know the host? Venti: They were a former vegan, and they bought milk. Terry: That BITCH! Aether: I pulled them over for money laundering. Devil : I'm chaperoning their dinner party. Zhongli: They stole a baconator! Terry: That BITCH! Xiao: I tanked the store they were managing and they convinced me to quit from one of the only jobs I've ever had. Now I'm living off of unemployment checks and fear!

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Venti: So what’s for dinner? Terry: I can’t tell you, it’s a soup-prise! Venti: … Venti: Is it soup? Terry: I soup-pose it could be! winks Venti: Please, enough with the soup puns! Terry: Wow, you’re soup-per mean. Venti: STOP! *one hour later* Venti: It’s fucking tacos?!?!?!

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Zhongli, about a fight between Nightmare and Terry: It scares me how many knives were involved. Venti: There… weren’t any knives involved though? Zhongli: That’s what scares me.

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*The squad is asked what they would do with 5 children with only 3 chairs.* Zhongli: Get two more chairs! Devil: They can get their own chairs. Terry: Make them fight for it. Nightmare: You only need one chair to beat them all with. Xiao : I would never be near children. Venti: Kill two.

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Devil: Hey. Ash : Hey? Devil: I can't sleep. :/ Ash : I can. Goodnight.

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Zhongli: Do you know the ABCs of first aid? Nightmare: A. Bone. Coming out of the skin is very bad.

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Zhongli: I love hearing Nightmare shouting at someone else. It makes such a nice change.

[She only yells at you when you do something stupid Zhongli-]

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Devil: What is this!? Aether : That’s the weight of guilt. Give in to the nice side. Help those unfortunate, and make the guilt go away, my friend. Devil: Ow! Make it stop! Aether : Surrender to your kindness, Devil. It’s nice to be nice. Devil: Your guilt is strong, my friend. But it is no match for the power of my selfishness!

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Xiao: I started school with straight A’s. Now I’m not even straight.

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Venti, who was dared to flirt with Nightmare: Is this mistletoe? Nightmare: Uh, no, no, that is basil. Venti: Too bad cause if it was mistletoe I was gonna kiss you. Nightmare: Yeah, no, it’s still basil.

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*Venti & Terry, in a room with Nightmare, Ash, and Zhongli*

Venti: It’s. . . calm in here. . .?

Nightmare: . . .

Ash: . . .

Zhongli: . . .

Terry: It scares me…

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Venti: Would you slap Terry- Nightmare: Yes. Venti: I didn't even finish! Nightmare: Sorry, continue. Venti: Would you slap Terry for 10 dollars? Nightmare: I would do it for free. Terry: Rude…

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Ash: You're violent. Aether: Yeah but I'm also short and that's adorable.

Xiao: Can comfirm.

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Nightmare, walking into their house: Hello, people who do not live here. Aether: Hey. Venti: Hi. Ash: Hello. Devil : Hey! Nightmare: I gave you the key to my place for emergencies only! Zhongli: They were out of Doritos, 爱. [爱 means Love]

Nightmare: At Least Terry isn't here. . .

[He actually wasn't there lol-]

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Venti : They made Terry cry! Nightmare: Terry always cries! Terry: That's not true! *cries*

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Ash: Tired of just deserving better. Gonna start taking it by force.

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Zhongli: Dude, I will never forgive Craigslist for banning me after I wrote a post seeking a sworn nemesis. Whoever reported that is obviously my nemesis but I was so pissed.

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Venti: My friends say I'm the most charismatic out of the group. Devil : Well, you always have a smile on your face. Venti: Thank you. Devil : Devil : What drugs do you take?

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Zhongli: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake. Venti: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear. Zhongli: … Zhongli: You mean ring bearER, right? Venti: … Zhongli: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to MY & NIGHTMARE's wedding.Whispering: I just got her to agree to marry me too-

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*after discussing a plan* Nightmare: Does anyone have any questions? Xiao: Is this legal? Nightmare: Does anyone have any relevant questions?

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Nightmare: What do you want for breakfast? Venti: I WISH TO DEVOUR THE UNBORN. Terry: Terry: They want eggs.

Nightmare: why are u two even at my house again?

Terry: We were hungry and in the area-

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Xiao: Relationships should be 50/50. Aether cooks us dinner while I sit on the kitchen counter looking pretty.

[Xiao can't cook in my au, tho he and Aether do still live with Nightmare & Zhongli-]

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Ash: Venti, you look deep in thought. What’s wrong? Venti: Did you know you can look at any object and know what it’s like to lick it? Even if you’ve never touched it before? Ash: I’m never asking you anything ever again.

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Zhongli: Blue M&Ms are the best. Terry: WHAT IS THIS SLANDER? Zhongli: What about it? They are. Terry: I WILL NOT ALLOW SUCH LIES ON MY MINECRAFT SERVER! Terry: THE RED ONES ARE THE BEST! Zhongli: YEAH? WELL YOUR MOM'S A HOE! Venti: They're all chocolate inside, the colors don't mean anything. Devil: I like the yellow ones. Also why'd you call my wife a Hoe? Zhongli and Terry: SHUT YOUR FUCKING MOUTH!

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Terry: Thank you for not saying "I told you so." Xiao: When you’re as right as I am, you don’t have to say it.

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that's all for today, I think I went a little overboard so sorry about that! Hope you enjoyed it tho!

Smiling Critters Headcanons!

[I'll add some character info for my version of the Smiling Critters tmrw, i've stayed up way too long lol]

Haha, suck it Asmoran. Your boss scored a Demon God Wife sooner than you. Never stood a chance.

Context: Dick got hit by a spell while on patrol that turned him into a toddler, & Fell Asleep cuddling Fay.

[P.S. Williams terrified bc Clarence made eye contact till Fay came and started complaining. (You do not want to make prolonged eye contact with the President of the student council, usually means you messed up)]

Text for those who can't read my trash handwriting:

William's Text: *Had to visit Clarence's place for paperwork*

Clarence's Text: *Happily Kidnapped her (Fay) after she disappeared for 4 months*

Fay's Text: *Just came back from Eden* (Also stole Clarence's clothes)