The Flaw In Every Crystal

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 10: Retraining Arc Part 2

Aka Goddammit Triage

Yeah, okay, sorry truth time, I think I hate Triage the most out of every character in this story. Especially now as opposed to when I started this review, or read this story the first time through. At first I didn’t think anything of her. She was an OC, and I as a...well...fleeting fan did not care for any “new” or unknown to me characters in a story. She just seemed so minor, like one of the powerless good guys in the story just showing up to fix Jazz. Then I read TAAO, which still didn’t change as much...then I read the meta for TAAO (especially Starscream), and started watching Bojack Horseman. And dear god did I start hating the character I once viewed with total apathy. I guess its because that show and those metas kinda put into words to me how little thoughts and your headspace, and your reasons can really matter when talking about morality of characters like Triage.

That is to say she is not a bad character in that all her actions and movitations are believable. This is in I personally do not like, hate, and even loathe her, more than the party characters, more than Prowl, heck, more than Barricade. Probably in part because she acts so bubbly and that the system is fine because it worked out for “her” and anyone with a differing opinion needs to just get with the program, in part her happy exterior, but mostly I think because the author may not want us to hate her.

We are supposed to hate the party mechs for how uncomfortable they make Jazz, we are supposed to hate Barricade for being a total asshat, we are okay to hate Prowl because he is the reason for Jazz being there. But Triage we get scenes humanizing her, we get to see her relationship, hear her thoughts, and see how torn up she is over how Jazz is suffering. But that’s just it, thoughts don’t really matter. You can think something is wrong all you want but unless you do something, it doesn’t mean shit! Like Diana in Bojack said “I don’t think I believe in deeper down...its actions that matter.” (paraphrasing) In this same trial of thought we get Starscream fans who want him to be better, but so many believe that wanting to do better, or thinking how you can’t do better, won’t make you better, it just makes you self-aware. Same with Blast-Off, wherein he knows what his time and love-interest did was wrong, but did nothing to stop it, which may even be worse because he at least KNEW.

Same with Triage, she can cry and feel bad for Jazz getting beat up all she wants, but none of it will really help Jazz. Heck, the more I think about it, the less I think its about Jazz himself but more how he makes Triage feel that’s the problem! She cares more for how Jazz is making her question things than her own patients well-being and making her feel sad, that is Messed-Up yet she is one of only two characters we get to hear the thoughts of for a lot of the starting chapters!!!

*ahem*

Anyway, on to the chapter!

So, Triage shows up to check on Jazz after Prowl decided to take his pound of flesh from the bot. Triage is upset that her patient is being all unruly and kinda depressing. So she tries to form a bond with Jazz to speed up the healing process by talking about how she is also a sub and probably only one to two tiers above Jazz. She does this so that Jazz will let her in to fully examine him. While she knows Prowl won’t try to kill Jazz, she, and we, know he can all to easily accidentally do so as he had almost starved Jazz to death before.  

Jazz sees this as a betrayal to think she was lying about being badly off. Triage on the other had is just annoyed that Jazz is being such a drama king about the whole kidnapping and brainwashing thing. And how he will be so much happier once he loves Big Brother as well in this Brave New World. 

I “love” how she calls it arguing when she is simply dismissing the other side out of hand as either wrong or just over emotional. She doesn’t even comment to Jazz until he brings up her mate, in which case she only reacts by getting defensive. Jazz brings up that even if treated right, she still isn’t her own person. Triage says how she isn’t owned, but from the sound of Praxus, I think its safe to say that she’s in denial on that one. “She protects me” like I protect my plants or my cat. I care about them, and they are their own beings, but no one could say I didn’t own them as well. The two are not mutually exclusive, if anything it is unusual to not care about things you own. Her defensiveness of her lifestyle to Jazz almost reeks of “the corner doth protest too much” like she is using the same argument she as told herself once upon a time. 

Also, quick note that the Praxus if you agreed once, you have given consent to this forever is reallllllly creepy and reminds me of the whole arguments against marital rape. You said yes, no take-backs for any reason. God, some Praxian relationships must get suuuper toxic if one half changes and they start to hate each other.

"I ain't lettin' anyone else control me, ever again."  - This is an interesting line, since up till now Prowl hasn’t really been able to control Jazz. In Prowl’s mind that is the entire problem. Yet Jazz sees it that way. Is he referring to Prowl’s control of his body or Prowl’s control in forcing Jazz to fake being a sub? Or is this referring to another event from Jazz’s past that he may not be even fully recalling in the moment? 

“As his mate, it is his duty to protect you from as much danger as possible.” I wonder whose opinion of “possible” matters? Like would you be able to ever prove a dom wasn’t doing his duty towards his mate to get the dom in trouble? Is that a law or just expected? And I guess if it was a proven law the sub would just become state property, right?

   "I've seen to more difficult patients before and survived well, this time will be no different." - just how many “Jazz”‘s has she seen? How many would ever make her truly question her culture instead of just falling back to being defensive? 

And so, for how he acted Jazz gets his voice taken. There’s a said irony that the last word he was able to say was a simple “No.” The final line of the chapter was “It was enough to get Jazz wondering if rebellion was actually worth it.” Just sums up everything so nicely there. 

Till next time!

Flaw in Every Crystal

I live, I die, I live again

Chapter 15:  'Retraining Arc' Part 7

aka: It’s ELECTRIC, boogey woogey!

Even after waking up again I admire how well Jazz is able to hold it together. I would probably just keep screaming my head off eventually. When Prowl did open the door (an orn later I assume) he comes in a blinding light. Interesting that Prowl just turns off his eyes rather than employ any kind of shade to them. Instead he relies on his wings to find where Jazz was left in the room. 

Prowl opens up in full trainer mod, I guess having given up again on any other option since his and Jazz’s fight last chapter. Jazz is still defiant at this point and brings up the beating again that had before caused Prowl guilt. Prowl’s response now is just not to acknowledge it and instead punish Jazz for speaking out of turn in one of the harsher ways we have seen so far for this type of transgression. So Prowl is trying to force Jazz into a state of complete helplessness by keeping him blinded and in pain via the electro-whip. 

Prowl is stating some of the rules that I believe Jazz was first told before the retraining ever took place, but in a harsher light this time and I think worded a bit differently. Just went back and checked; The statements before were more of what was expected of Jazz in a household sense. Like make sure everything is clean and dinner is out, and make sure to care of any kids in the future. Now the rules are much harsher in tone and more about obeying Prowl as a mate rather than explaining Jazz’s cultural role in the story.

Jazz refuses to give in to Prowl and is thus whipped till he finally falls unconscious. Though Prowl leaves the bright light in the room for Jazz to “adjust” to. Now bright lights have been used before to prevent sleep in others as a means of torture, I wonder if this is what Prowl is trying to pull? If so, it is odd to leave the light when Jazz is already unconscious. There is also nothing really to see in the room that Prowl would want Jazz to avoid and it halts the wing speak lesson, though that also seems to be put on hold. 

I feel almost like the light is something Prowl read that is sometimes done in these mate training when it isn’t going well without truly thinking about why/how it would be effectively used.

I wonder, Prowl seems to be focusing more on electro-weapons than he ever has previously. Is it as a kind of barrier between him and Jazz to prevent any repeat beatings and then guilt? After all it does seem like it would be harsher to physically beat a person than to have an instrument causing it, like a one degree of separation from causing the pain. It isn’t Prowl who then is harming Jazz, but rather an instrument, even if that instrument is Prowl’s. Electric shocks also bring to mind the experiments wherein people were asked to shock someone by a person in authority to test people’s limits. Different situation I know but I do wonder if it would have been different if the person was asked to punch or physically harm the test subject rather than just having a flow of current doing unseen harm (as in bruises, blood, and such).

We then see Jazz reacting in pain and fear, begging Prowl to stop rather than giving Prowl the submission that he truly wants. Though I have to wonder if Prowl realizes how hard it would be to think straight when in a large amount of pain? Prowl is an enforcer but Praxus doesn’t usually have violent crime; he was in pain after Jazz’s revenge, but in those points he was usually in shock or struck back.

Prowl once again leaves Jazz unconscious from the pain and turned the light off saying “Let Jazz make of that whatever he would.” This reinforces to me that Prowl really had no use for the light other than hearing/reading that sometimes one was used since he disregards it so quickly here. He makes it sound like it will be a mind game with Jazz with the light, but this is the first time Jazz had been exposed to it so I don’t see how that really fits. I almost want to say that Prowl had started feeling guilt again at Jazz’s pleas but instead of acknowledging it and that the guilt was the reason he turned the light off, Prowl instead justified taking it away as another act of the training. 

We also see that Prowl leaves the light off when he comes back in as well. Though he is now showing a lot of annoyance at Jazz’s mantra of begging for mercy from him. I am a bit surprised that Prowl seems so in control at Jazz’s state when it is so different from what he has seen until now. I would almost want to say that Prowl’s anger at Jazz’s pleading is also because this behavior seems so abnormal but still not what Prowl wants.

Prowl must see at this point Jazz is too hurt or scared to be able to comprehend what Prowl is asking of him but continues on. Could this be that Prowl thinks Jazz is faking it somehow since Jazz has been able to trick Prowl before? Or is it that Prowl wants to punish Jazz a bit more for giving Prowl a taste of how well that could get on a few orns before going back to insulting him and Praxus again?

Prowl seems to finally get it that Jazz is too overwhelmed at the moment to do much of anything and instead of hitting Jazz again and again chooses to repeat himself, though making threats all the while. I wonder then if the order of importance  of the laws changed because of Jazz’s behavior or if the order was always the same but Prowl thought that some went without saying? Anyway, Jazz at least did a C+ job and avoids further punishment on that front. 

When Prowl came in next and was like  "Forgetting the rules already?" Prowl questioned, stalking forward. "You are to always acknowledge your mate, as such." I was kinda confused because of the whole “only speak when spoken to” thing until the sensor wings were brought up. Prowl also mentions, I think for the first time here, how Jazz would in fact be an enforcer’s mate because of his connection to Prowl and how he would then be expected to know the laws. Though I wonder if its to know the laws or because some dom may randomly stop him in the street, realize whose mate he is, and then randomly quiz him about it.

Interesting that Prowl’s reward for Jazz trying and appreciating a want to please is something Prowl regarded highly even when Jazz was first being taught. It is like Prowl is trying to go back to that point, only by using force this time when words failed before. Unfortunately Jazz is desperate to not be hurt, so Prowl’s harsher methods deliver results. 

Thus we end the retraining arc and begin the Life in Praxus arc! After the intermission of course.

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 17: 'Life in Praxus' Part 1

Aka: A bigger cage is still a cage

Aka: Trust is the two way street Prowl plowed a semi across

So Prowl gives Jazz back his outside THAT ROOM rights. That’s nice. Jazz initially cringed when Prowl entered so any time skip that may have happened can be assumed to have gone just as well as it had the chapter before the intermission. 

“How do you think your training is going?” That is such an asshole ask. Jazz, if he were in a better or worse state of mind: “One star, would not recommend.” But as it is Jazz is in complete survival mode and just gives in to Prowl to avoid more pain.  

“... a simple flick of his wings to indicate he was speaking honestly.” Does this mean that wing movements can indicate lying? Or would it be more sarcasm?

Interesting that Prowl says he wants to offer and treat while unhooking Jazz, as thought the freedom isn’t said to be a reward for Jazz’s behavior but rather just Prowl’s nasty habit of assuming Jazz knows what he believes to be the obvious. Prowl either really trusts that the current training of Jazz has been working or maybe this could be some more subconscious guilt leading him to almost entirely unhook Jazz for the first time since the second explosion. 

Jazz is wobbly at first though I’m not sure if its just because of his mental state or also due to possible harm from being unable to move for so long. Or a bit of both. Or it could be lack of energon as Prowl believes. Prowl may not think it could be physical harm since he expects Jazz to be able to follow him through the house just fine.

Jazz eats too much to soon and almost gets sick which it surprised me a bit that Jazz was allowed to feed himself again. I’m glad at least Prowl didn’t comment on it. We see how well Jazz responds to physical comfort as he leans into Prowl as Prowl rubs his back. Prowl then tucks Jazz into the bed to sleep for a bit, a move that actually would seem sweet if not for everything else leading up to it.

When Jazz wakes up, he wraps himself in the blanket he was covered with more for comfort. It reminds me of how children do a similar action of hiding under blankets to protect themselves from monsters. It’s good that Jazz finally feels safe enough to let his grief and sadness over losing the life he worked so hard to get. 

I wonder how much of Prowl’s following actions are due to his own feelings and how much is the training Prowl is following having a section of what is almost a kind of aftercare for the physically harshest part of the training. 

"I realize how amazing it must feel at this point," Prowl began. -- Sure Prowl, sure you do.

We then see just how much the punishment cycles and Prowls lack of communication have affected Jazz since he believes that he will now lose the blankets and such when really Prowl just wants Jazz to recharge in the ‘normal’ way. It almost seems like Prowl will harm Jazz again for not doing exactly as told. Which is a lot of the root of the problem. Prowl wants Jazz to take his words at face value and only do as commanded while Jazz is trying to anticipate what Prowl wants to avoid punishments. And because Jazz can have no idea what Prowl is thinking, he fails and then to Jazz he gets punished for no reason trying to do what Prowl wants while to Prowl its obviously because Jazz failed to listen. 

Prowl tries to say that Jazz can always ask for clarification of orders but fails to take into account Jazz’s fear of punishment for not understanding something after enough times. There is also the embarrassment of having to ask for clarification of what sounds like a simple order due to not being sure what Prowl would consider the “correct” way of carrying it out. Like if Prowl said “wash the cubes” Jazz won’t know if he means to A) fill the sink with soapy water to let the cups soak, B) follow A but wash the cups right away, C) fill a smaller wash basin located under the sink to wash the cups, D) lather a sponge and use that as to not waste water. It seems like a simple and obvious order to Prowl but Jazz has no way of knowing which answer is right or punishable as each probably seems equally valid to him. Add on to this that no one wants to actually ask “hey, how do I wash a dish?”

We end on Prowl once again happy to live out his little couple’s fantasy as Jazz cannot sleep due to worry about the minefield of the future in front of him.

Till next time!

I had been thinking about it a little bit and I don’t know if pity is the right word. More just sad probably that this person who was able to talk circles around her when they first met now can barely say a handful of words. And probably a lot of anger on his behalf too. It’s like seeing a shark or some other predator in a state of starvation and sickness, just wrong to see something that was so fierce and dangerous reduced.

I was also thinking how different it would be if her Starscream was alive or dead at this point as well. If Starscream is still alive but still in jail I can see Windblade seeing it more as a pet project to take on but not really devote herself entirely too. She would still try but would probably acknowledge how useless it could be and such.

But if it was after her Starscream died somehow, then you have guilt to deal with. Not to mention the whole “how do you grief the death of someone right in front of you”. I can see her dedicating herself to this Starscream a lot more then.  I wonder if she would even get angry or frustrated and lash out that this Starscream is neither the one she knew nor the one she wants. Like of course Windblade is a good person, but even she has her limits on such things.

Also Windblade is in an unique position compared to everyone else because she does know the basics of what Starscream and Megatron’s relationship is but probably not about the abuse or how bad it got. I don’t think Windblade has ever even personally see Megatron in canon. So I wonder if she would try to steer Starscream away from wanting to see Megatron? Maybe be like “I knew the real you, the ‘real’ you more than he ever did”. Starscream would probably thing she was full of shit most of the time since he can’t even think properly, how the hell would he have become leader of Cyberton. Especially since I can see Windblade trying to gloss over all the bad things he did which makes Starscream distrust her more since he would be able to tell when she was lying by omisson about something. 

Megatron also knows even less about Windblade than Windblade knows about him. So I wonder if he would think she was just another bleeding spark like Clicker or something else. Maybe he would like Windblade just wants to restore Starscream to gloat over her victory? Or take revenge by proxy for all he did to her? Or maybe he would think she wants to use Starscream as a dangerous weapon that would then be loyal to just her in a way Megatron could never even dream of? Megatron knows Clicker just wants to help but to him Windblade is pretty much a complete unknown.

Sorry, I haven’t been able to get my proper Windblade fix since TAAO ended and really love the scenario your story creates.. I just love how Windblade in the comics is always a person who does and wants to do good first and a good person second, if that makes any sense.

Hey, Question about Futile Effort, since I don't see it occurring in the story proper: How do you think Windblade would react to this version of Starscream after knowing the "real" him?

Hm. So I’ve been thinking about this question for about an hour, and honestly? I really don’t know. I want to say she would take pity on him, especially considering she’s seen his “real” self. She has two versions of him in her head, and this third person is not shaped by experience, nor is he shaped by his own attributes and personality. He’s been molded from the outside in. I think she would take up the same position as Clicker. There is a Starscream in there that’s not this one. And like Clicker she would put her best efforts into getting him out. She doesn’t seem like the type to give up entirely on a person, even if that person seems beyond help. Though, on the same note, I almost think she might try to shape him to be better than he is. The Starscream trapped in Starscream’s mind is a biting, bitter fighter. He’s still a little mean, but not shaped by the same experiences as the Starscream she knows personally.  If they ever unlocked Starscream’s mind and helped him heal he would be unrecognizable to her. He would be Neither her Starscream, or the one she tried to forge from his Spark. But someone entirely different. And I think she’d acknowledge that. How do you think she’d react? 

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 12: ‘Retraining Arc’ Part 4

Aka: Getting to know you

Aka: None of this had to happen

Chapter first released on Zombie Jesus day, I’m reviewing about a month before his birthday, but I just couldn’t wait so let’s get into it.

So, after a few days of learning and review, Prowl decides that its time for exams in his EXTREME Wing Language Accelerated Course WL101.  

We see when Jazz first responds to Prowl early on that he isn’t ready to start earning trust points back quite yet. Rather he is still showing Prowl all the anger he still has in the situation. Then Prowl uses the threat of harm to Jazz to get Jazz to stop acting out. As this is still early on in the abuse cycle wherein the pain to Jazz’s wings hasn’t faded from his memory yet, Jazz complies. And this then of course justifies Prowl’s actions to himself since then he is able to get what he wants out of Jazz, erasing any guilt Prowl may have had in the moment of hurting Jazz via believing that getting Jazz to behave will prevent any future harm. We can see this in Prowl, instead of letting Jazz’s submission at the threat of violence be enough, threatening Jazz again with more communication isolation/harm to his new wings. 

Aka, as long as I can imagine a harsh even end, any means can be justified to prevent it.

As Prowl leaves for a full day, we finally get to see some of the isolation getting to Jazz more since he expresses relief at Prowl returning. It’s probably a pretty bad/realistic nightmare to Jazz that if Prowl died, Jazz would just be left in THAT ROOM to rot/deactivate all alone and super slowly since he would have until the drip ran out entirely. Granted this would probably not happen as Prowl’s assets, mate included, would either go to his family or the state if his family decided they didn’t want their son’s quarter/fifth trained mate.

And now more miscommunication, as Prowl won’t directly tell Jazz what he is feeling/thinking/expecting in terms of Jazz, Jazz sees all of Prowl’s actions as either random or a set up to pain. So when Prowl gives a generic “Sorry I’m late” Jazz right away is on edge trying to figure out a true meaning/code to the words that may not even be there. 

Interesting to note that in spite of everything Prowl refers to the house as “our home” to Jazz. This indicates that Prowl is still reminding Jazz that there is a reason for him to be going through all of this, as Prowl wants the end goal of them being mates/together, for a time at least. Prowl also mentions the house, but not the attack. Prowl actually doesn’t bring it up until he needs a reason to prevent Jazz from being released from suspension. (Though considering I read MTMTE, Jazz should be happy he was just strung up instead of “Getaway-ed”) 

Prowl also uses this conversation to remind Jazz pretty much of the old saying “Once bitten, twice shy” and that he will be watching Jazz for any deceit from now on. I can’t help but think that there are a lot of versions of Prowl that would actually love this little give and take, trying to see how Jazz will escape and what tactics he will use with anticipation and excitement as opposed to this versions irritation. It’s kinda sad really that there doesn’t even seem to be a hint of respect or admirable. In other story, this could be grade A filtration material right here!

"I am not looking for a pet of any sort," Prowl replied with a bite of anger.

Yes Jazz, its pretty obvious Prowl wants a doll more than a pet. Pets can attack and make messes after all. Dolls just stand there and look pretty while spouting off the same three lines over and over again. 

"Maybe if I wasn't forced into it, ever think a' that?" ..."Because that would have worked so well…" Prowl's wings now flared too. "You showed such opposition to the idea of remaining that it's impossible to believe you would have cared to be grateful."

Now this is an odd sentence. Prowl is making it seem here as though he made Jazz his mate to prevent Jazz from leaving right away. But the fact of the matter is that Jazz kept quiet at first about leaving, even wanting to take in all of the sights while Prowl was applying to make Jazz his mate. It was finalized the day that Jazz tried to make a brake for it true, but the ball had already been rolling long before that. And Jazz knows this as Prowl gave him the bonding certificate when he was about to bolt. Is Prowl blending the two in his mind or is he trying to gaslight Jazz about it in this moment? Maybe Prowl is trying to justify and get up some more righteous anger at Jazz trying to leave?

“ Maybe if we woulda' got along well I coulda' came back or you coulda' moved to Iacon...”

And this line means that Jazz must know that Prowl was planning things out for awhile to keep Jazz in Praxus. After all, Jazz is recalling how they did actually get along at first and it was mutual attraction with Jazz’s intelligence/creativity sparking something in Prowl to make him chose Jazz. Not love, not lust after learning Prowl’s true goal for kidnapping, but it was something at least that Prowl saw in Jazz that told him he could stomach spending a lot of time with Jazz. Which I just realized makes what Jazz said about Prowl moving to Iacon to be with Jazz has SO MUCH DRAMATIC IRONY. I think that’s the correct usage of that phrase at least.

So much trouble and hassle would/could of been prevented if instead of shutting the conversation down at this point, Prowl had just said, even in anger, that he would not have been allowed to move to Iacon. Not even give the reason, but just that tidbit for Jazz to chew on. BUT NOOOOOO. Though even at this point, I don’t know how well Jazz would have responded. Would Jazz have tried to pounce on cooperating right away or would he have still been too angry at what Prowl has already done to him?

What Jazz said must have struck at least some kind of cord with Prowl since Prowl does return later in the orn to give Jazz a second shot at “earning” his energon. And then Prowl uses one foot to step into the room since the other goes straight into his mouth. Trying to say that Jazz being disobedient is not earning himself energon on purpose and therefore Jazz is staving himself and must be watch over to ensure that he will not starve himself via....pissing off Prowl...who doesn’t give Jazz enough energon... therefore making Jazz starve...himself? I think Prowl’s chain of logic is missing a few links, but hay, what else is new?

Jazz is going along with it, though in the moment we don’t know whether its hunger or finally putting a new plan into motion that has more steps than “frick off Prowl”.For asking in such a way Prowl allows Jazz to hold the cube himself via releasing only Jazz’s arms from restraints. I don’t know if its because he is still being punished for early, to make sure Jazz can’t attack him, or if Jazz’s arm use was all Prowl decided Jazz was owned for how he asked. 

And then Jazz moves forward with his current master plan, “Frick off Prowl” and throws it in Prowl’s face. Great plan Jazz, this is why you grow into a master spy someday. *slow clap* Honestly surprised that a return to the start in Jazz being fully done up and mute was the punishment and not something harsher. Though Jazz did restrain himself by throwing it in Prowl’s face rather than spitting it. Probably because once it was in his mouth his hunger would force Jazz to sallow. 

Plan “Frick off Prowl” moves forward a notch as Prowl demands an apology from the now seriously starving Jazz. Jazz at this point is so angry, distinguished, and powerless that he just kinda accepts death out of sheer defiance. Then Prowl returns insult for insult by dumping the energon below Jazz. Prowl only leaves when he can get the last word lately I’ve noticed, and if Prowl doesn’t get the last word in, he mutes Jazz. 

Prowl takes some time to form up a new strategy since his current one is going pretty bad. Jazz on the other hand seems to given up on any plan beyond “Frick off Prowl” to the point of trying to make them both loose rather than risk Prowl come anywhere close to winning. Prowl’s new plan seems to be a war of attrition, just wearing Jazz down to the point where he will actually accept energon from Prowl now. 

Quick note on this sentence:  “ Alone Jazz would have gotten about as much on him as in him, all of his functions having slowed down quite a bit. so the other's assistance helped quite a bit. “ Kinda odd to hear the phrase used twice so close together, though I know I’m probably not one to talk about such things.

Anyway, now that Jazz is weak enough to be handled, Prowl goes for pleasant physical contact to try to remind Jazz of how things could be. Jazz, being so touch-starved, goes for it at first. We then go for another ride on the “Jazz emotional roller-coaster,sponsored by Prowl” as Prowl goes from petting Jazz’s head to harming his wing at Jazz’s delayed response to being petted by Prowl. 

"You have no right to act angry when it is your own fault for your present situation.” I feel that this is a phrase that SO needs to be tossed back into Prowl’s face at some point. Especially any time he riles Jazz up on purpose and then berates Jazz for his actions while angry, or just any time Prowl gets angry at Jazz. Kinda disappoints me that i don’t think it ever is... 

Jazz, I know I said before about using your life as a valuable game piece, but I was thinking more in terms of poker, or chess, not a freaking game of chicken or a staring contest!

And with Prowl’s declaration that Jazz will not die, Jazz’s goals suddenly become a lot clearer. 

Till next time!

The Flaw in Every Crystal

Chapter 18: 'Life in Praxus' Part 2

Aka: Part 1

Aka: Time for walkies!

Aka: Jazz’s surreal day

Aka: Shopping montage!

So, as with any good relationship Prowl has to remind himself in the morning not to body slam the mate next to him. Jazz was able to catch some sleep it seems by closing himself to protect his midsection in a kind of fetal position but is woken up by Prowl’s movement. This is interesting in that I can see how this will parallel Jazz’s ability’s later on since being able to maintain a light sleep will probably be a top skill for a spy.

Jazz then lies to Prowl about how he slept with Prowl just accepting it despite the way Jazz slept and speed that he woke up. Prowl then gives Jazz a choice: 

"Would you like some Energon or would you prefer a chance to clean up first?"

This seems almost like the kind of choices that one would give a child. Either choice is acceptable and in the grand scheme don’t matter. Yet the choice is given to both give the child a greater feeling of agency and experience in making decisions. Part of me wants to say that the reasons Prowl gives the choices are to both give Jazz some agency back to temper any anger early and start training Jazz about how to make decisions again but it is more probable that Prowl finds the choices so unimportant that he might as well just let Jazz pick without thinking about it too deeply.

Jazz offers to get energon for them both and Prowl accepts without question, even pleased that Jazz was thinking of him as well without any prompting. This is once again I believe Prowl’s desire to be at the happy couple stage again that he tends to fall into once Jazz starts behaving in line with Prowl’s beliefs. Of course his beloved mate would fetch him breakfast as well, this is how things were always done in his home after all (I assume at least). There is no way then that Jazz could poison his energon while alone with it because that is not what a sub in the household does after all. Not to mention that Prowl probably has the cleaning supplies locked up at the moment and any other dangerous chemicals. I’m sure that any education for getting/training a foreign sub mentions that foreigners tend to mistake cleaning solution for energon additives, silly subs, ha...ha...ha...

Jazz takes a moment to reflect that his rebellious feelings have left him and just feels empty. This of course is a perfectly natural response to trauma/depression. Like someone/thing opened a hole and all the “you” fell out.

"’That was quicker than I expected,’ the officer praised” god Prowl, even your complaints are weak. Can’t even do a thank you? 

I think Jazz is dissociating at this point due to how surreal he feels and how he goes on a kind of “auto-pilot” mode, but I don’t really know that much about the condition and have a hard time finding explanations of it so I can’t say for sure. The next line mentions Jazz’s “mental state” but that could also be referring to the depressing thought that Jazz was having that the current situation is simply his dying dream.

Prowl seems to be moving fast with wanting to take Jazz out already on only his second day out of THAT ROOM. I can’t say for sure wither this is due to Prowl’s wanting to speed the relationship along again or if he doesn’t want to leave Jazz alone in the house since its currently 2/2 ending in explosions. Or a combination thereof.

 I guess then Jazz didn’t clean up enough the first shower since he still looks kinda like crap? Or is it that after healing more and getting more energon it is more apparent? Like he went into the shower a 0/10, came out a 5/10 and Prowl was just like “good enough” till he saw it in the light of day? 

Prowl again offers Jazz the choice of what cleanser he would want, another pretty meaningless gesture, but a gesture nonetheless.  (I don’t count the energon as a real choice since it was more of an if/then than a choice.) At least he didn’t just assume Jazz should use the same cleanser as last time.

Jazz’s wings it seems integrated well since he can do the Yes/No moments easily and readily. He can also control twitching.

Jazz then gets his first taste of having Prowl’s name painted on him. At least Prowl does it quickly, probably because he didn’t want to risk Jazz losing control and twitching without meaning to. Prowl brings up that currently they are a plain black that can be fixed in the future. I wonder what color? I can’t remember if there is another one in the future and Jazz/Prowl tend to be mainly black and white. Perhaps red?

“[Prowl’s glyph(s)] was a sign of who one belonged to, and who another would have to compensate should anything be done to the wearer of such marks.” Aka: only damage the ones below your current rank, or else.

It’s sad that Prowl is probably the happiest he has been in a long time with the relationship while Jazz is wondering how much it is worth pretending/performing the role Prowl forced him into. I just know as well that if Jazz said no Prowl would probably be disappointed at Jazz’s lack of caring but still accept it.

Jazz then gets his first look at himself after exploding twice, gaining two new wings, and being tortured multiple times. What he sees, isn’t that great. Prowl gives Jazz another choice, seemingly an import one this time, of what Jazz would like to look like. Jazz tries to respond that he would like to hang on to his current look, but then Prowl dismisses how important the choice actually was by saying how it would have to be changed, aka Jazz’s black will have to be changed to a dark grey. 

Prowl also says that too much contrast will make Jazz stand out. This seems to be both a hint of how Praxus works with the subs trying not to be noticed and that Prowl’s rank is nowhere near the higher end in the city. I assume at least that if Prowl were one of the elites Jazz would be able to stand out more without problem. I almost want it to be that the real elites have some sub slaves in the gaudiest paints ever put together just to show that the sub can stand out so much without problem due to the name on their wings.

I am a bit disappointed that we didn’t get more details about Jazz’s first walk about since getting married and then arrested. Like is Jazz still on a leash or is he allowed to walk on his own? Does he have to be a certain distance behind Prowl and is Prowl enforcing the distance? Or is Prowl simply depending on Jazz’s absolute knowledge that even if he did run there would be no where to go?

After his repaint Jazz admits that he considers himself dead inside now. That the real Jazz “died” in the training room and now he was just a walking talking doll for Prowl. Though if one can consider one’s self dead, can one really be dead?

“ Prowl would never win because he could never have Jazz, just his frame and a drone-like response system to serve as a personality.” Oh, the foreshadowing, the horrible, horrible foreshadowing....

“ In the end, he'd been forced to accept a light gray in place of the white as well as replacing the black. It wasn't a situation he liked but there had been no better options.” Are the he’s here referring to Jazz or Prowl? Because Jazz wasn’t putting up a real argument so I want to say Prowl. But then why would Prowl be forced to accept a light grey color instead of white? Did the white contrast too much with the dark grey? But Prowl got Jazz a reward, so is it just Jazz? But then Prowl was disappointed with the look and @-@ I have a confusion....

(Okay, that Just Jazz line has it so I now want a transformers AU doki doki literature club where Jazz slowly falls for the too-smart self-aware Prowl or go AI Jazz but full on creepypasta)

The glyphs are red now! Called it/remembered it/assumed it! Now then, how would a conversion on the paint go.... “It is not my favorite of your looks” “Same. Yet you dressed me like this without my say so!” “I asked what colors you wished for!” “And I said I liked my old ones!” Cue argument about the Praxian sub culture again.

God, Prowl is really in fake perfect relationship mode again. He even does the hold ‘close your eyes and hold out your hands for a surprise.’ The visor even works enough for Jazz to thank Prowl for it even though Prowl was the one who took his original. I wonder if Prowl actually threw it out or if he’s keeping the original visor somewhere.

"Even the white is only to be used to prevent outsiders from viewing your optics."   - ? Why would outsiders not be allowed to see Jazz’s optics?

“It was a choice between which would be least horrible, and none of the options were looking good.” I feel as if this line summarizes the story perfectly and yet not completely. And look, another meaningless choice from a selection that Jazz is allowed while having no say in what he actually wants!

Its also kinda horrible that Prowl is taken in or at least going along with Jazz’s perfect/dead inside mate act but still knows/paid attention enough about Jazz to order him something he would enjoy.

Jazz realizes the disconnect as well and tries to justify the two Prowls in his mind by thinking one must be an act since if one is a monster sometimes, one must be a monster always and otherwise just pretend to be human. Though its interesting that it really isn’t an act with Prowl. Its more that this is how he wants to be and the monster is just something he justifies to himself and then never looks back on.

Honestly this day is probably what Prowl had wanted/planned for the day after the marriage was accepted by the council to go. His mate wearing his glyph, getting a treat from his generous dom of lunch, then as another treat going to the gardens Jazz wanted to visit so much as the first of many if not happy then at least interesting and acceptable days together. Then Jazz had to go and ruin it all by exploding....

 Jazz of course sees this as a trap in waiting since he can’t see his captor/torturer treating him this way for any reason except getting his hopes up just to dash them. Though actually its probably just Prowl over-gifting again. It is too bad that if Praxus were more normal it would be that Prowl was one of those guys who bought their significant others waay too much just because they wanted to/could. Like flowers everyday or something. And this would probably have annoyed the crap out of Jazz in a way.

“...but overly praising one's mate was frowned upon so he had to condense his reasoning. ‘Such things may become standards in your life even, if you continue to excel as you have been.’” Ha, Prowl finally admits he enjoys over-praising/rewarding his mate. Though Jazz has a point that there is no price worth what happened to him.

And thus Jazz visits the crystal gardens again, IN PART 2! ... of Part 2.... 

Till next time!