Hey Guys Hey Hey For The First Time Ever Im Participating In A Contest Please Vote For Me Maybe?

hey guys hey hey for the first time ever i’m participating in a contest please vote for me maybe? 🥹

My heart feels so fucking hollow today.

But I'm choosing to put my focus on the good. This weekend was progress. I can't help if I sit at this desk and the first thing I do is stare at a picture of one of you and just... Fucking summon up the strength.

I can't fathom how the same person I've known myself to be who can't be assed out to remember a thing suddenly is sending Dragon Ball Z references and reels to my uncle and at the same time on a different screen am adjusting the white balance and trying hard to not to offer saturate it because "Jazz would fucking be beside herself."

I choose not to sit in denial today. I try to focus more on the concept of maybe he was right. Maybe we were both fucking idiots. But truth be told, I was an idiot in love and I'd rather it be that than nothing else. When I say love, I don't even truly know what I mean. Would I have married you? For absolutely no reason at all. My dad taught me when you love someone, if that feels right, it's right.

Would I have married you if you asked? Absolutely. Would I have asked you to marry me? If you hinted at it.

Today instead, I revel in the "I'm proud of you." because it's as comforting as how fucking ecstatic I would've been to celebrate having gotten over my anxiety for once. I pictured myself dropping both of them off, driving to see my uncle, and then texting you with that "Are you awake?" and pulling up... with the light on and the ceiling fan turning..

You would've wanted to hear me brag, no? Wanted to hear me talk about how I finally got a hall of shot worth framing right beside your whole last photoshoot. Because it came without the trembling anxiety. It affirmed for me that there's so much fucking good to stick around for and you would've probably smiled and said "See I fucking told you."

I choose today to hold silent and sacred that thought. I woke up missing you like hell today.

#MySPNLittleMoments | Episode 11.14 | The Vessel

Classic brothers 😊

7x19 - “Of Grave Importance”