Galaxyeyedjungkook - You Are My Euphoria - Tumblr Blog

OMG this was so good!!! I love the tenderness between Jungkook and OC. Damn Jungkook is brutal!!! Sneaky Yoongi coming in for a suprise attack.

Claws of Carnality | jjk (m) (14)

Pairing: alpha jungkook x omega reader

Genre: fluff and angst, abo/werewolf,  fantasy

Rating: 18+/nsfw

Word Count: 8.8k

Summary: The Duels of the Chosen begin, and the alphas battle the right to take the omega as their own. 

Warnings: CHARACTER INJURY, LOTS OF BLOOD MENTIONS, GORE (this will not be for people who are squeamish with blood/gore), dom!jungkook, alpha!jungkook, alpha!Taehyung, alpha!Jimin, sub!reader, omega!reader, cursing, praising, possessive!jungkook, teasing, dirty talk, marking, manhandling

A/N: Hello, all! It’s been some time, but we are back again with another update! I have been very busy with work and school, so that was one of the reasons this took so long. The other reason was that I knew a lot of you were waiting specifically for the long-anticipated fight, and so I became overly critical of myself and didn’t like anything I wrote. This is a chapter that was one of my first ideas for this story, so I wanted it to be as perfect as I envisioned it in my head. Nothing I wrote could match that, and finally I became resolved to just writing without stopping or editing until the end. I hope that you all find this to meet your expectations, given that it is over twenty pages long. Oh, and let me know what you think about that cliffhanger at the end (or anything about this chapter because comments are like the bread and butter of writers), yeah?

Series Masterlist

It is as if time itself has grown tired as the seconds slowly tick by, the silver circlet twining itself around your head becoming heavier the longer it stays nestled there.

It saps your senses and strength away to leave you entirely incapable of movement and thought. In some cases, it even dulls emotions. It was why the substance was forbidden to be used except in ceremonial rites like the Duels of the Chosen.

Soon, even managing a thought becomes a challenge in how the silver intertwists you in numbness in your own head. Even your eyelids fall lower over your eyes in how leaden they have become.

The sound of something distinctly metal comes from somewhere near your feet. It takes a moment for you to drag your irises down your mate’s body to where his hand is fiddling with the bolt holding the first latch closed on the brown wooden box at your feet. The box, like its counterpart that has yet to be opened, is bigger than the one your diadem had come from.

His long fingers easily flick up on the last latch to the second of the three wooden boxes that are of a sepia, umber, and burnt sienna make. It is the second largest box of the three. What your alpha reveals is on a bed of white velvet and you see not one, but two pieces laid under one another that shine in the moonlight.

They are identical and appear to be a kind of cuff for your wrist in their size.  They, like are your diadem, have twisting and tangling silver strands that root from the bottom of the piece to the top, and interspersed throughout the bevy of liana-like tendrils, you can make out small, intricately forged flowerets not unlike the curtain of vines that flowers of all colors and sizes cling to along the stony wall hiding the creek that you used to habit.

It's a task to summon the memories of that place with the circlet that siphons away your cognition. Every time you try, what you are searching for seems to swim away from you in the sea of darkness that has swept your mind in its sway.

“Forgive me, my beautiful flower,” your mate’s voice lifts your very soul as you watch him undo the clasps of the first piece, his digits working the hook with ease and, from his knees, he reaches for your arm while he says, “the tradition is that you must be bedecked in silver before I am allowed to go fight. I fear I may not even make it that far if I do not do this now.” His calloused fingers wrap around your forearm and he turns it so that the underside of your arm is extended to him as he lifts the silver cuff toward it with the other. He doesn’t release your forearm, but instead curls his fingers tighter over your bare flesh as he says, “But gods, you test me so.”

Trying to put together words or sentences is like trying to fish in a dark, murky river. As for your emotions, even they have begun to grow dormant under the waters of dullness that try to quiet them.

It's all you can do to let your head fall to the side in question, the leaf-shaped crystal hanging from the middle of your diadem reflecting the light of the moon.

Attuned to you as ever, your alpha grins, “All I meant is that you have a very, very powerful effect on me, my love.” He guides your arm forward until the back of your hand rests on his shoulder. Then, his fingers are gone and he fits the adornment over your wrist as he hooks the first of the five blossoming fastenings along the undersurface of the bracelet over one another while he confesses, “I wanted to keep kissing you,” he closes the last of the fastenings over your wrist before bringing it to his mouth and placing his lips over your bloodied palm before he turns your now limp arm back over so that you can put your dead weight on his shoulder. Then, he’s grabbing your other so that he can adorn it, too, as he tells you, “I wished to keep tasting you,” a pink tongue glides along his lip where your blood now coats it, a groan slipping from him whilst he secures the fixing on the other wrist cuff as he admits, “And I wanted to keep exploring your body.”

You can only whimper in answer, but even that sound is now muted to your own ears as if you have cloth stuffed in them while the silver sifts out the energy from your body like a drain where the metal touches your flesh. It is heavy as a rock, and your wrist is trapped within it as you whimper.

Your alpha’s eyes soften at that, and still on knees, he reaches for the third and largest of the ornately carved boxes. Somehow, his digits work even slower now on this one.  

You do not think about why. All you can do is sit and watch as a tethering torpor climbs up your arm like a fungus from where the silver cuffs bind them.

“You probably have already realized it by now, omega,” his eyes are locked on yours when his fingers find the hem of your gown behind your ankle and then he’s balling it in his hand, “but it gives me no pleasure to bind you up like this. I am very well acquainted with what silver does to our kind. I made this silver for you, but I also had to make it for myself, too.” He’s careful to lay both of your hands on your lap, “the only reason I am still capable of basic movement while touching it is because I seem to have made myself somewhat tolerant to it with how much I’ve had it on me during my ruts,” golden irises find yours when he adds, “ruts that I could not spend with you until you had accepted me.”

Your heart gives a weak pang against your ribcage at that.

“I’m almost done, sweetheart. Bear with me.” He tugs up on the ovular clasp on the third, final and biggest of the wooden boxes–this one the length of your calf in its size–before pushing inward, and then he’s lifting up the top of the box to reveal two grandiloquent adornments that you’ve never seen anything the likes of before.

It takes some time to process what they are, but you cannot ignore how wondrously they glint in the firelight that makes them sparkle bright as the stars.

With his hand still gripping at your skirts, your alpha coaxes your knees apart so that he can resituate himself and put one of his knees between yours.

It is a strange thing to be so silent, but you know if you didn’t have this silver on you right now, you would be begging.

Your alpha must know it, because he chuckles when he coaxes your left leg up and onto his so that your foot rests on his thigh, and gods, the sight of him on his knees for you has familiar heat stirring between your legs as your sex cries for him.

The wind chooses that moment to wind around you, and then your alpha is cursing under his breath, his fingers tightening in your skirt as he cusses, “Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck, omega.”

His movements hasten then, and his eyes dilate in desire. You feel your skirt ascend and climb along your leg until he’s got it bunched up atop your knee, but it is a blur after that the muted sound of a clink. You don’t even realize that he’s fitted the piece over your calf and pulled together the three clamps only with one hand along the back of your leg before he’s heaving a heavy breath and leaning forward to utter, “It is a good thing I am touching this silver and that it deafens my senses to an extent, because if it didn’t,” his lips brush the inside of your knee as he mouths, “I’d have likely been unable to stop myself from standing and taking you against this fucking tree you sit on.”

You have half a mind to tell him you want it, that you want him, but words do not come. Every time you seek them, they bury themselves in the silt of your brain and no matter how hard you try, the silver circling your head hides them from you.

All you can manage is a stuttered,” Ah..al…alpha.”

At the sound of your voice, your alpha’s irises contract from between your thighs as he looks up at you. “Here, my love. I am here.”

You wish you could speak more to him. You wish you could touch him. You wish he would-

“I can hear your desire as much as I can smell it, my love,” your alpha tells you as he brings his lips over to the other side of your knee and he presses his mouth to your skin, “your pre-heat is making you fucking needier as the seconds pass, pretty girl.”

You make an effort to make your thighs meet, but the leg that he’d just wrapped silver in does not heed your mind or your instinct.

You pout. It’s all your body has energy left to do.

You hadn’t noticed it before now, but the usual softness, warmth and wetness of his mouth and fingers was gone. Stolen by the silver that drew sensation away until little to none remained.

Suddenly, there’s something hard gliding along your upper shin, and when your alpha’s mouth leaves you, two fresh, new punctures dot your skin along the base of your knee.

You had not felt him bite you. There had not been any pain due to the dulling effect of the silver just beneath his mark.

Crimson now lines his mouth and he lets it descend from the middle of his lower lip and down his bare neck. You lick your lips as you watch it, your tongue dense as a stone.

Jealousy hangs low in your gut over you in how your own blood gets to trail down his body and you can only watch. Your alpha’s mouth curves up at that, and two canines, each red with your blood, protrude from under his lips.

“Worry not, my love,” your alpha’s fingers find your other ankle and he guides it up so that your foot rests on his leg, his head dipping between your thighs while his digits tug the ball of fabric of your skirts higher so that he has more access to you, “I will satisfy every single one of your fantasies, every single one of your dreams, and every single one of your cravings,” his mouth finds the tender flesh of your inner thigh as he angles his head to the side, your own lips parting as his tongue slides from between his to lick you as he says, “I’ll let you have me anyway you wish, my love. Anything to make you happy, pretty.”

You latch onto that word. You try to follow the line he’s thrown you in the river of languor, and you can manage through the current of listlessness, “Y-yours…w-want to-“

You try again, but attempting to get your head above the water of stupor that has settled around you is too much.

Your alpha coos, “Oh, my omega. I hear you. I see you,” He suckles at your flesh before lightly biting down the same time you hear that clinking sound again, his freed hand placing the other silver adornment along your shin only for the sinking of all of his teeth into your flesh to feel as if he were only nipping you. “I feel your very blood trying to give itself to me like this. How badly I want to give in to you, my little vixen.”

“Pack Alpha Jungkook,” your grandmother’s voice sounds in the distance from where she stands on her place at the edge of the timbered stage, “It is time. She is more than ready for you to go to battle.”

“Give me a moment,” your alpha declares.

You do not hear her at first. The sounds and vocables mix together and you can only discern bits of pieces of it.

Not…not ready…alpha…

They are the only words that you can remember long enough to think them.

In front of you, your alpha’s tongue drifts to and fro over the wounds he’d left on your thigh.

I must, my love. I must.

His voice finds you even though his mouth doesn’t move.

You attempt to reach for him, to get closer to him, but it’s as if a weight has been attached to your arm and no matter how much you attempt it, it is too heavy to move. As if to soothe the frustration you let out in the form of a shaky sigh, he gives you featherlight kisses anywhere and everywhere that he can along your thigh before he turns his head inward toward your other and opens his mouth to mold it against you, his tongue laving at you ardently.

The attention has your core clenching around nothing.  

Before he departs from between your legs, his digits finish their work in securing the clamps along the back of the other piece of silver he’d put over your shin.

Like the air, his fingers are ever present and wind over the silver etchings he’d forged for you until they roam to the front of the adornment he’d just attached to you. The knuckles of the hand he has tangled your skirts has gone snow white in the tight grip he has on the thin fabric.

He’s holding it like it is a lifeline, and honestly, it just might be. He’s all that is grounding you right now.

“Stars above, my love, you charm me even when silence and stillness have stolen what is only mine to have,” he gently helps you to put your feet back on the grass, his golden irises sowing themselves deep into yours as he does, “I used to think about what you might look like all tied up and bound for me, but none of my imaginings could ever be as good as this.” He rises to stand above you and it only takes two of his fingers under your chin to lift it enough so that you can keep your gaze on him, your bare neck exposed for him as he inspects his handiwork while he goes on, “You haven’t any clue just how seductive you can be when you aren’t even trying, omega. Look at yourself.”

Distantly, relief trickles over you at how fucking responsive your alpha is to you. You wouldn’t have otherwise been able to move your head so that you could look upon him given that the rest of your body isn’t responding to what the apex between your legs has been sobbing over this entire time.

Your wolf sluggishly stirs at his command, and you do as you are told with your head empty of everything except the need to satisfy him.

 It takes some effort. Drawing your eyeline away from him is like towing an anchor through a muddy seafloor. The red paint of your own blood that you’d etched all over him has darkened even more in its dryness across his muscled arms and corded chest. Lighter trails of it have swept themselves down his neck from where it drips from his lips from his earlier ministrations, and with the hooded look in his eyes and wild black hair that curls around his chiseled face, he looks like he wants to devour you.

You know that you’d let him. In the back of your mind, the image of him with his head trapped between your legs, your ankles thrown over his shoulders and his lips wrapped around your pussy flashes. It sends wetness between your already slicked folds.

“Lustful little thing,” your alpha groans when your scent reaches his nostrils, “Stop thinking about getting fucked, pretty girl. I told you I would take care of that when this is over. Now look at yourself,” he orders.

His fingers that he’s kept under your chin lower your head so that you have no choice but to look ahead where he wants you to. You don’t have the strength to move it on your own anymore.

 The first thing you notice is that he’s still got your skirts rolled up between his now snow-white knuckles. The second thing you notice is the skin of your thighs is now painted in bloodied trails of your essence that circle and tread toward the very bindings that your alpha had just put on you. The third thing you notice is that just below your knee, rivulets of silver run along your shins and calves. Like they have dripped from the rocks of the creek you often played in as a child and found respite in as an adult, the silver drizzles down your leg until it pools around your ankle in the thick band of metal that encircles it.

“C-creek?” you let the heavy, rolling tide of that thought bring the word forth from your lips.

“Yes, sweetheart. I had hoped to capture the essence of the places you love the most in all of the pieces I made by hand for you,” his fingers loosen around the clump of your skirts under his fingers, and slowly, it descends down your knee, your shin, and then finally your ankle as you both watch. “It’s not a perfect replication, but a lot of silver passed through my hands in my mission to make something only you would be able to wear and bear.”

Affection courses through your veins as steadily as the blood that runs through your body at his words.

“Pack Alpha Jungkook,” the sound of wood rattles against the platform she stands upon when your grandmother strikes the timbered stage with a staff of oaken bark to announce, “With your preparations complete, you must now head to the battle grounds you have chosen where your challengers await your arrival. If you have anything else you wish to say to your intended or to the pack, you must do so now.”

Without taking his eyes off of you, your alpha answers, “I do have something to say.” He coaxes your chin upward with the fingers he still has planted there, and then sunlight in the form of irises finds yours. His voice is carried only to you in the small breeze that blows over you. “I want you to know, omega,” his thumb slides along the cleft of your chin, “that I love you. And this fight…I do it for you. Everything I do and have done up until now has all been for you, my love.” He tilts his head up, his lips finding the spot between your brows just under the crystal that hangs from your circlet and then mouthing, “Be a good for me until I come back to you. I will return shortly.”

You bite at the log he’s thrown you, only a few words leaving you because the rest had sunken under the murky waters of thought in your head.

“Good,” you can’t even scrunch your brows together in consternation anymore because of how leaden even those have become. Your jaw hardly even moves when you speak, because doing so is impossible with the muscles that refuse to respond to you as you say between parted lips, “b-be good for…for y-you. R-ret…return shortly.”

That seems to satisfy the alpha, for he rumbles against you in response. “That’s my girl.”

His mouth leaves you, and though you can’t really feel their warmness or softness anymore because of the silver, you miss them already.

He gives you one last glance, and in those eyes of his, and compassion clings to them as they cross over you.

You want to reach for him. You want to feel those arms of his around you. You want him to stay with you. That thought sinks away from you even though you try to swim after it.

Stay… alpha.

Your alpha steps back, shaking his head as he does.  

I will never have to leave you once this is over, my love. Trust in me.  I will not fail you.

With those words he sends through your bond, he turns away from you. Panic somehow worms its way into your gut as you watch.

Your alpha’ voice is firm as a tree stump and sturdy as the bark of one when he speaks again as the grass crunches under his feet. “To any alpha here-mated or unmated-do not go near the omega. My omega,” he adds. “Get within in one foot of her, and I will hunt you down.”

Before him, the males put an arm over their front and pound their fist into their chest one by one.

The sea of alphas and omegas part like a river for him, and no one stands in his way as he walks, his shoulders set proudly as he moves with confidence cording his muscles.

You try to whimper, but the sound is lost somewhere in your throat.

The other wolves cluster to one of two sides so that you have nothing blocking your sight from him as he treads on through the grass that catches his feet, the firelight of the braziers set every few feet bathing him in a golden glow. The red paint of blood he wears like a second skin, and it is a dangerous warning to the three that stand several paces apart from each other in the distance ahead.

The continual crunch of grass under your alpha’s feet continues until the grass yields to the dirt of the plain by the old knoll that had stood since the old times.

Your alpha halts, resolve now set in those eyes of his.

Before him to his left, Taehyung stares with a sneer on his face. In the middle of the field, ahead of your alpha is Yoongi, the russet-haired male that has his arms crossed over his chest. To his right, Jimin bares his teeth.

Your alpha reveals his own teeth to them all.

“Pack Alpha Jungkook,” the voice of your grandmother descends over the plain as she ambles, with two other elders, down the stage toward the mound before the plain, “As you have been named the Omega Y/N’s champion, you have been granted the battle rights and so you may choose the terms of this battle.” She peregrinates still, the thick furs around her shoulders unmoved even in her shaky footfalls, “No one may contest your decisions, and your choices are final once given. If any wolf breaks these terms, he will be disqualified and deemed unfit to take the omega as his own. Do you all understand?”

“Yes,” your alpha, without missing a breath, answers.

The other three males nod.

“Very well. Chosen one, do you wish to take on all of your opponents at once, one at a time, or in any sequential order?” She makes it to the top of the knoll, her knees popping as she does.

“I will take on Yoongi alone. The other two I will fight together. It matters not to me which I battle first.” Jungkook asserts.

Yoongi rolls his eyes. “Scared, Jeon?”

Taehyung laughs under his breath. Jimin cringes at the sound.

“Keep dreaming, Yoongi. I know how dirty you play,” Jungkook picks an invisible fleck of dust off his shoulder.  

“Will you fight in your human form, or will you shift to your lupine form?” The elder in grayed, wiry furs is unphased.

“The first battle I will fight as a human. My second I will fight as a wolf. The others will do the same.”

“Will you be using any weapons in your first fight?”

“Hands, teeth, and claws,” your alpha decides.

“Will this be to the death or to the surrender of the fallen combatants?”

“To the surrender. I do not wish to lose any of my alphas. Even if they are a pain in the ass.”

“Are there any other conditions you would like to set, Pack Alpha Jungkook?”

Your alpha’s eyes harden on each of the males before him. “Any wolf that falls in combat will bear those marks for the rest of his life. I will allow no healers or menders to their side unless the injury is life-threatening.”

“Those conditions will be met. Anything else?” The elder beside your grandmother asks.

“Yes. One more thing,” your alpha is unwavering as he takes a step forth, “No challenger may leave the perimeter of these grounds we stand on until the victor has been declared.”

“As you say,” the aged wolf on the other side of the lead elder says.

The rustle of trees sweeps over the land from the woodland around, and the fire of the braziers circling the arena of dirt is swept with the wind until all is quiet again.

Your alpha keeps his back to you, and so fixated on him, you do not see your grandmother lift her hand, the sound of horns filling the air as the two elders beside her blow into the wooden tusks with holes cut into them that they’d produced from the folds of their furs that cover the whole of their body.

“I will remind you, Jeon Jungkook, that as you are the current Pack Alpha, your title and rank will be stripped from you should you lose this battle. The victor will take your title, rank, and your intended should you be unable to beat them in combat,” The two elders at your grandmother’s side speak together, their voices melding into one, “Do you understand and agree to these terms?”

Your alpha doesn’t even flinch at the prospect. “I am aware of what will happen should I fail to be victorious. I consent to those terms.”

“Should any alpha fail to comply with these conditions, they will be exiled, and if it is the victor’s decision, he may decide to exile or end the lives of those he defeats.” The elders wait for all four males to acknowledge this with affirmations before: “Now, with the terms and agreements that have been given,” the elder in gray from atop the knoll who stands as the intercessor of the four alphas below voices, “Let the battle begin.”

For a few moments, all the males do is stand and stare between one another, no one willing to make the first move.

Your alpha is patient, so he waits. He has spent a long, long time waiting for you.

Worry snakes around your chest, its slithery movement slow and lazy as you watch your alpha’s muscles in his back tense as if he’s preparing to be attacked.

As if he can smell your concern, he turns his head to the side, his irises softening as they silently seek yours.

Worry not, my love. Just watch me. This will all seem like a dream in only a short while.

“The hell with this,” comes a dry remark from Taehyung, who shrugs off his black rabbit furs, the bones cracking from between his knuckles as he claws at his black linen shirt so that it falls in shreds at his feet, “I’ve been waiting for a chance to get revenge for what you did to my fucking shoulder, Jeon,” Taehyung covers the five circular wounds in his flesh, his eyes boring holes into your alpha, “and I will finish what I started with the female and make you grovel while I do it.”

“Oh, shut up already, Taehyung,” Jimin throws off his own furs, his eyes narrowing on the brown haired wolf who had just spoken, “I should destroy you first for what you did to my sister. To me,” he rips his own shirt from his body, “You fucking asshole.”

“Can you both just come at me already? I’m getting bored over here,” Your alpha stretches an arm behind his back, “Unless you’d like to let Yoongi have a go at me first?”

“Fuck off, Jeon,” Yoongi picks at his nails, “you two had better start ripping into some limbs, or I will.”

“No,” Taehyung pushes off his haunches and is off, “he’s mine.”

Jimin is on his tail the second he moves. Your alpha is still even though there’s a male running toward him and another behind that one. Taehyung’s arm lifts, his claws in the air and then he’s upon your alpha.

Fear constricts your stomach at the sight.

The brown-haired wolf draws his arm down in an arcing motion as if to slash at your alpha’s chest, but before it can make it there, your alpha’s hand, fast as lightning, races through the air and he grips Taehyung’s wrist with force, each of his nails sinking into the alpha’s wrist as if it were water. The brown-haired alpha barks in pain, his eyes unseeing of the other alpha behind him as he does.

Jungkook smirks, and with no effort, he swings his other arm back, his fingers clenching into a fist and then that fist makes contact with Taehyung’s stomach. Hard. The brown-haired alpha is flung like a pebble into the air and the impact of the throw has his head colliding with Jimin’s so that there’s a loud thud as Taehyung’s skull hits the other’s that is hard as a stone.  

“Surely you both can do better than that? I’m a little disappointed. I wasn’t expecting much from Taehyung considering he’s never been that great a fighter,” your alpha wrinkles his nose in disgust at the fresh blood that now coats his hand as he looks down at it, “but Jimin? You usually are faster than that. It’s unlike you.”

“Basta-“ Jimin is silenced when Jungkook impels his foot down on his abdomen to knock the breath out of him.  

Your alpha’s tone is devoid of any warmth when he chides, “I thought I told you not to address me with such disrespect.” He stomps on the downed alpha’s chest again, the rib beneath it cracking like a twig as Jimin yips in affliction.

Taehyung gets to his feet and swings, but Jungkook uses the body of Jimin like he’s a stepping stone to jump to the other side so that Taheyung misses and your alpha tuts, “Ah, ah, ah, Taehyung. It is rude to try to punch someone when they’re looking.”

“Like I give a fuck,” Taehyung curses, and when he swings again, Jungkook jumps back with inhuman speed. Across from him, he just narrowly misses Jimin who had rolled to his belly and pushed off his hands to get up.

Jungkook flicks his bloodied hand toward the ground as if to get it off and red dots the ground before he taunts, “You know, I’ve always thought you smelled absolutely rancid, Taehyung,” he wipes the remains on his trousers, “but I didn’t think it was possible for you to smell worse than the bottom of a fucking bog.”

Taehyung responds by yelling out the Pack Alpha’s name, and then he’s making another dash for him. Jungkook isn’t even phased by it. He just steps sideways so that the alpha’s claws and open maw miss him completely. Jimin comes for him next, but he dives toward the ground and rolls when the other alpha tries to swipe at his side from below.

 Yoongi, the passive bystander, stays where had been since the beginning and files at his nails using a rock he’d picked up.

Meanwhile, Taehyung scampers like a wild man toward Jungkook. Anger has turned the whites of his eyes red, and his movements only grow more erratic the longer he battles.

When Jungkook rises to his feet once more, he grins at the sight. “Always so quick to anger,” he spins when the brown-haired alpha’s arm descends downward, “and always so easy to defeat.” He rotates the other direction when Taehyung’s attempts to uppercut him, “I knew you would not be difficult to defeat from the moment I threw you against that tree in the fucking forest when you talked back to me. When you dared to disrespect and defile my intended with your tongue,” Jungkook’s fist ascends toward his maw, but the brown-haired wolf holds up both arms in front of his face to block. The force of the blow knocks his arms away from his face, one of his elbows pushed up into an area of his arm that it doesn’t belong as he curses loudly and the wolf staggers backward away from Jungkook, who mocks,  “I should take your tongue for all its slander, but taking that ego and pride from you will hurt you more than that ever could.”

Jimin sprints so that he’s waiting on the opposite side of your alpha, but before his outstretched foot can make contact with Jungkook’s stomach, his calf is caught by Jungkook’s fingers. Your alpha keeps that leg in his hold, his claws elongating and puncturing the flesh there so that Jimin winces and cries out.

Momentarily seized by the pain, Jimin grabs at his leg while Jungkook reprimands, “and you, Jimin…You used to be such a good friend to me. I have missed your presence and friendship.” He headbutts the male, “Were you not distracted by Taehyung, you might have actually made me break a sweat.”

The scraunch of dirt sounds from behind him, and Jungkook crouches as Taehyung catapults himself toward him. He hurls Jimin to the ground, and Taehyung’s teeth embed themselves into Jimin’s chest as the two tumble to the ground. In the scuffle, Jungkook’s claws that had been lodged in Jimin’s thigh had cut through his flesh like it was fluid, and blood sprays all around them before Jimin lands with a deafening thump on the dirt that is stirred up in a cloud around the males.

When it clears, a motionless Jimin is lain under Taehyung, who extracts his claws from around his heart and rises without even glancing his direction. Crimson gushes from the downed alpha’s wounds, his skin torn and mangled from his thigh all the way to his foot where his lifeblood flows out of him like a red sea. Bone peeks from beneath the five angry incisions that sever his skin from itself along his leg and his chest heaves with labor where the blood pushes itself out from the five punctures around his heart.

Agitation dots your alpha’s face where Jimin’s blood does not, his entire chest now speckled with crimson that you had not put there.

He had not wanted this to end in death for any under his charge.

“This is your fault, Jeon,” Taehyung spits, “If you had just fucking stood still, you would be on the fucking ground right now, and your little bitch would already be mine.”

That has your alpha’s irises lifting to his. They are colder than ice as he narrows them, “First you defile Jimin, who became your friend because I told him to, and then you insult my intended. Tell me, Taehyung, whose fault is it that you can’t even use your fucking shoulder where my claws severed some of the nerves there when the sun was setting?”

“Hmm,” Taehyung puts a bloody hand to his chin, “I would say it was the she-wolf who is to blame. I wanted to fuck her, and she didn’t want me to. You got in the way.”

“You will never touch her,” Jungkook lifts his lip so his teeth are on display, “and you will never have her,” your alpha growls, “not as long as I live and fucking breathe. I’ll break every bone in your body starting from your toes to your ribs if that’s what it takes to make you understand that.”

“Just as long as it’s not my face. I need that,” Taehyung’s sarcasm is loud, “the bitches I screw love it too much.”

With that, Jungkook roars so even the mountains beyond shake, and he rushes forward toward the brown-haired alpha. He moves with such speed that even the wind cannot blow past him, and it is over in seconds.

One second, your alpha is in front of the older wolf. The next, he’s sliding along the ground under Taehyung’s parted legs, the dirt scattering around him like the bones of prey after a hunt. Jungkook puts one arm out to steady himself before he turns off his heel and rises so he’s stood

behind the unexpecting alpha, and there’s no time for Taehyung to react before both of your alpha’s bloodied claws cut through the air like daggers and he’s dug them deep into the other alpha’s shoulders. Taehyung wails in pain as his freshly dressed wounds are reopened next to five new wounds on his other shoulder where red drips slowly from both shoulders down his bare, naked chest.

He thrashes in your alpha’s hold, but your alpha is stronger, and he knocks Taehyung’s knees out from under him so that he falls onto them in the black dirt.

“You’ve lost once again, you fool,” Jungkook utters, his claws tearing at the other’s flesh every time he thrashes, “now you can atone, at least a little, in your defeat.”

As they are, they both face you, and your alpha’s irises pierce yours when he orders, “Tell my intended that you’re sorry for debasing her with your speech and your actions. Tell her you will never do it again. That you’ll never pursue her again.”

Taehyung snaps, “This isn’t over yet.”

“Oh, but it is,” your alpha decides with derision, “It very much is.”

Taehyung attempts to wriggle out of his hold. Jungkook punishes him, his flesh tearing and ripping where Jungkook twists his claws deeper into him. Taehyung bellows in agony. More blood scatters down his back.

Jungkook huffs, only to extricate his claws from the male’s shoulders and kick him square in the back so that he falls to chest, his arms giving out on him with the way that the nerves had been cut and rearranged in the gory mutilation of his shoulders where flabs of skin barely hang on by a thread.

“Say it,” Jungkook orders as he stands tall above him. “I’m growing weary of waiting. I don’t want to have to use Alpha’s Bidding on you, but I will if I must.”

Taehyung remains silent minus the coughs where more blood spews forth from his lips. He must have bitten his tongue in the fall.

Though he can’t use his dislocated arm, he can still use his other one. That, and his legs.

Before he can even get his first foot on the ground, Jungkook’s hand darts out and his fingers project themselves over and around Taehyung’s neck so that he is held up under Jungkook’s digits. The Pack Alpha squeezes with enough force that Taehyung’s face begins to turn red, his breaths stuttering as his arms unsuccessfully attempt to pull the raven-haired alpha off.

“You’re weak, Taehyung. You always have been, and you always will be. Now give the fuck up already.” Your alpha urges him, the bite in his tone making the wolves around you shudder.

“I’d rather be fucking exiled.” Taehyung attempts to throw his only remaining good arm behind him, but Jungkook seizes his bicep in an iron grip.

Your alpha sighs with exasperation, tsking, “You really should know when to give up, you motherfucker.”

 “You don’t say,” Taehyung goads.  

Jungkook’s eyes narrow, his golden irises flickering as he mulls it over. Those irises settle on yours, and then your alpha’s lips set in a thin line before he acts.

 There’s no hesitation when he twists Taehyung’s arm into an unnatural angle, the crack of bones filling the air in warning as the wolf on his knees hisses and howls in agony.

“No,” Jungkook determines, “that would be too easy.” Jungkook’s teeth sharpen and shift so that they are pointed like blades as he growls, “Running would let you forget. But suffering, “ his canines elongate until they extend below his lower lip, “your suffering will haunt you as a wraith for the rest of your life.”

The word has hardly left his lips before Jungkook wrenches Taehyung’s thin arm up, his teeth flashing menacingly before they disappear into Taehyung’s hand, the sickening crack of bones breaking under his teeth as he bites down hard enough that his teeth penetrate the opposite side of his appendage. The male screams, his fingers twitching uncontrollably as blood bursts forth into Jungkook’s mouth.

It is fetid as bile. It is putrid. It is gamy, and Jungkook blanches at its disgusting tang so unlike the sweet sugary taste of your own.

“As much of a thorn in my side as you’ve been, I do not want to see any of the males under my watch be killed. However,” Jungkook throws his head back, his teeth dislodging from around Taehyung’s palm so that an ovular junction of dark holes arc over and under both sides of his hand and then Jungkook’s hoicking crimson spit from his mouth, “that doesn’t mean I won’t hurt you for what you’ve done.” He releases Taehyung’s deformed arm that is now bent at an odd direction, his jaw clenching as he says, “It doesn’t mean you are not due for discipline since you seem to have forgotten basic respect and decency.”

“I’ve got plenty of th-“

Before the downed mall can finish, Jungkook slices his serrated claws once across the brown-haired alpha’s back, his expression hardening even though the captured male yelps through the stinging sensations left in his wake, “Silence. I will not hear any more defiance or disrespect from you. You will give me your fealty, or I will make you hurt so much that you’ll never even remember what it was like when you could wake up in the morning and use all of your fucking limbs,” he yanks back on Taehyung’s neck, four of his fingers pricking crescents on one side and his thumb pressing tightly in on the other, his claws dangerously hovering over his nape. Like this, your alpha presents the fallen male to you as he continues, “and you will beg for forgiveness on your hands and knees for daring to deflower my mate in mind and in body, “with the hand that does not hold Taehyung captive, Jungkook’s long, curved claws shear the fallen alpha’s back along the unmarked half, and Taehyung’s eyes go white at that, blood bubbling in his throat as the will to fight falls from him with his blood while Jungkook finishes, “and you will bear these marks I’ve scarred you with for eternity, so that not even the gods may forget your faithless acts of lies and licentiousness with the unknowing omegas you defiled.”

It takes until his cheeks begin to turn blue for him to give a choked sound of defeat, his arms falling loosely at his sides as Jungkook tosses him to the ground as if he were nothing more but a piece of meat next to Jimin, who is still as a corpse next to him.

You grow wetter between your thighs at the display of your alpha’s power. You’d always known he was capable and that he was formidable, but seeing him reduce the pack’s strongest to nothing…it was arousing.  

Your alpha bends over between both of the fallen wolves, and then grabs a fistful of hair atop both of their heads and lifts their chins up so that you can see both of their faces.

Taehyung’s face is almost untouched save for the dirt and blood that have caked themselves onto his chin and cheeks. Jimin’s lids are slow to open and close, crimson dribbling from both sides of his stained lips. He is still lain on his back with pieces of his flesh hanging from his leg, the white of his bone peeking through small sections down his leg while his pectorals rising up and down heavily as he heaves air out of his system. His life essence trails sadly down the sides of his ribs.

Taehyung has not fared any better. The bones in both of his arms have been shattered and moved to areas that bones didn’t belong, and his back is marked in several puckered, open valleys of red, angry skin joined by rivers of crimson that make an ‘x’ shape down his back.  His limbs are thrown about him where he is prostrate in the dirt next to Jimin.

“This battle is over.” Jungkook states with finality. “Neither of you can continue.”

“I,” Jimin weakly rasps through the blood that bubbles up his throat, “I yield to you, Jungkook. You have beaten me.”

Jungkook’s fingers unthread themselves from Jimin’s hair, his skull landing softly on the ground as Jungkook guides it down. Despite everything, Jimin had once been his friend. Seeing him like this…it was not easy even for the Pack Alpha.

“Get him to the healers. He will bleed out if he’s not tended to immediately.” Jungkook commands, the emotion in his voice held at bay because he knows Taehyung, like a hound, can sniff weakness and prey on it.

Two males depart from the crowd of wolves around them. They do not question your alpha as they lift him carefully off the ground and onto a mat of grass that is attached to a set of wooden poles on each end for them to hold. Before they can walk away, Jungkook holds his only free hand out.

The two males stop immediately.

“You will answer to me from here on,” Jungkook’s eyes blacken in the eclipse from light to dark, his words deep as he spills them, “voice to me your regrets before I have you removed from my sight.”

Jimin can hardly keep his eyes open anymore, his throat aching from wailing too much. Drowsiness from loss of blood makes his eyelids droop, and it’s all he can do to incline his head downward, his eyes closing as he manages, “I have many regrets. One of my biggest,” he hiccups,” was that I thought I could win against you.” Remorse shakes his voice as he lets Jungkook know, “The other was letting Taehyung manipulate me and losing not only our friendship, but the female, too, because of it.”

With that, he’s carried away into a dreamless sleep and the two males extricate him from the battlefield.

“Pussy,” Taehyung hacks up more blood.

“I don’t recall telling you that you could speak. Perhaps I need to give another demonstration to you of just how weak you are,” Jungkook’s other arm raises up, but before it can go near him, Taehyung cringes and buries his face into the dirt.

Taehyung shrieks, “No! Not my face!”

Jungkook lowers his arm, “You’re pathetic, Taehyung. Now give up.”

“Fine. Just don’t ruin my face,” he screws his eyeballs shut, “I was bluffing about what I said before, alright? Alright?”

“I have tried to be a reasonable male,” Jungkook’s fingers bend inward where he still grasps the other male’s hair, and Taehyung’s expression twists in discomfort as your alpha cautions, “But my patience with you is at its end. Yield to me before I break some more bones.”

Taehyung bites down on his tongue, but he has no other options. He knows he’s lost and that he now has no choice but to swallow his pride.

“I…I yield.”

“Good. Now tell her you’re sorry for everything. You had better mean it, or I’ll hurt you even more than I already have.” Jungkook warns.

“Like hell I’ll apologize to a woman.” He defiantly counters.

Your alpha growls, and he stomps with force down on the back of Taehyung’s knee, the bone shattering as he does. “I didn’t ask for your fucking opinion. Do it. Now.”

Taehyung shakes his head into the ground, his trembling digits digging into the dirt as the threads of pride that remain in him all but sever.

“Gods, that pride of yours is really something. Perhaps by losing it, you’ll finally gain some sense again.” Jungkook provokes before his heel bears down powerfully on Taehyung’s other knee, the ligaments beneath fracturing and splintering upon impact.

Taehyung groans in torment, and what little of his pride had been left is torn from the very base of his being as Jungkook whips Taehyung’s head back so that his spine is curved up at an odd angle.

A little while away, some alphas observe Taehyung with expressions of disinterest, disgust, and dismay contorting their countenance for his misconduct toward their leader. The others watch their leader with delight dancing in their eyes. As for the omegas, many cling to another at the gory spectacle. A few glare with hatred toward Taehyung, but many more look in awe at your alpha.

“Cough up the last of your pride, you imbecile, because none will be left after this. If you will not submit of your own accord, I’ll just make you.” Jungkook tosses him to the ground as if he were nothing but a ragdoll, his irises darkening like the night, his words cloaked in the veils of shadows. “I command you to get on your hands and knees. You are to beg my mate for her forgiveness for any time you so much as looked at, thought of, or treated her in a way you knew I would be unhappy with. Then, you’ll pledge your loyalty to me.”

How anyone could refuse Jungkook would never be anything you could comprehend, but under Alpha’s Bidding, no wolf could disobey he who was the strongest of them all.

Taehyung grunts as the wolf inside him moves, and despite the unbearable pain that it causes him, he cannot help it.

He bows his head and his mutilated arms, maimed back, and disfigured legs all fold under him as he bites out between blood, “Forgive me, my lady.”

Words do not find you with the silver dampening all thought in your head. And in your gut, you can’t find it in yourself to care what this male thinks, says, or does.

All that matters to you is the one who stands behind him. All that fills your vision is him, and soon, he was going to fill you.

“The days of your disobedience are over. You obey and you serve me. Tell me this is true.” Jungkook demands, his eyes black as ash and his voice gravelly.

Taehyung can’t even pick his head up, for he’d landed on his nose in the dirt. With his dilapidated arms, he’d not been able to break his fall. It’s a struggle for him to speak between sputtering out the dirt, but he cannot ignore the male standing above him even if he wanted to.

His wolf speaks for him, his defiance dripping out of him with his blood onto the ground at the victorious wolf’s feet. “You are true in what you say.”  

Jungkook considers him before bidding, “You will never seek my female ever again, and you will do as I say when I command it of you without question, or I will sever your fingers, your toes, your legs, and your fucking arms from your body with my own hands if I have to. Is that understood?”

Taehyung’s skin crawls at the order, fear setting its teeth on him.

The last of his resolve slithers away from him, his muscles slackening as he concedes, “Understood, Pack Alpha.”

“What does it feel like?” Jungkook cocks his head to the side.

“What does what feel like?” Taehyung’s shoulders slump weakly.

Your alpha’s grin is vicious when he reveals rows of sharp teeth, his canines protruding from under his upper lip, “To lose.”

Those golden irises of his land on you and then they’re scaling over you as in a silent journey to appraise you of injuries even though he’s the one in the middle of the battlefield. They grow brighter the longer they are set on you, and with his attention deposited only on you, he doesn’t hear the pounding of paws against the dirt behind him.

All the veins in your body run cold, panic stabbing you through like an icicle. You are frozen in place under the numbing silver, but don’t care about the throbbing in your head from under your circlet that threatens to drag you into dark unconsciousness. Not even that can snuff out the scream that cuts through the air as a shrill sound rifts through your throat in the pitch of it that leaves the ears of every wolf in the vicinity ringing.

Those golden irises that are bright as the sunrise go dim as the dusk under the shadow of russet fur and snapping jaws.

I love this couple so much, I love how supportive they are to each other. The smut scene was perfect.

Because, I Love You | 11

; Genre: Fluff, smut

; Word Count: 5.7k

; Warnings: Oral sex (male receiving), unprotected sex, creampie

; Synopsis:  According to society, Jeon Jungkook should not be with you. He should be with a younger, hotter and thinner girl instead of wasting his time on you. It’s a good thing Jungkook doesn’t care what society thinks   then.

; A/N: Can you believe I wrote all this on my phone? If you enjoyed it, let me know what you think by leaving a comment or sending me an ask! Please reblog this so others can see it and follow the story of our favourite couple, and I’d love to read any reviews if people would be so kind!

; Masterlist

-

You’re not the biggest fan of airports, especially not the waiting area. It’s boring and there are barely any seats, which you always think is dumb because sometimes you have to wait ages before the person you’re collecting turns up. And maybe it’s because you’re grumpy, but you hate standing for long periods.

You’ve been standing here for twenty minutes now. Sure - that’s partly a you problem, as you’re the one who turned up early. But sometimes planes landed early, and you didn’t want Jungkook to be standing around waiting.

If there’s one thing worse than standing in the waiting area, it’s standing in the waiting area when you’ve been travelling for hours in a tin can hurtling through the air a few thousand feet up. You’re not too sure what Jungkook is like when flying, but you tend to be grouchy when you’re so close to home. But again, maybe that’s just a you problem.

Leaning back against the wall, you purse your lips as you take in the people around you and those coming out of baggage collection. It’s amusing trying to guess where people have come from - sure, you could check and look at the flight arrivals board but some people may have had transfers. The couple wearing t-shirts, shorts and flip-flops have clearly come from a hot country and they must’ve been more concerned with ensuring they were comfy back in the original country than when they arrived here. You certainly wouldn’t want to be walking outside without a coat.

Not only that, but you like to take in the diversity of luggage. The people who have battered suitcases that speak of many journeys, the people with just a carry-on that’s stuffed to the brim, the people who wrap their suitcases in plastic to make sure no one will get into them. You always wonder if airport security ever breaks into those, it’s something you’d experienced before and you didn’t like the knowledge that someone had rifled through your stuff.

People-watching is so entertaining that you don’t even realise that your fiancé has finally arrived until he calls out your name. Head jerking over to him, you take him in with his oversized white shirt and black sweatpants. The straps of his backpack frame his chest, whilst he pulls his larger suitcase behind him. Smiling widely, you move forward with your arms wide open.

Keep reading

I absolutely adore this series. Paradise Jungkook, is just so sexy and sweet. I love the very real emotions and how it portrays, both a sexy confident man and a shy and introverted man at the same time.

Paradise | JJK - Thirteen

Pairing: Jungkook x Reader

Genre: smut, neighbors to lovers (not quite friends but not quite strangers), slow burn, love triangle, Stripper!AU

Rating: M (18+)

Warnings: new pov 👀, grinding, fingering, oral sex (m + f receiving), hand job, shower fun, mentions of roleplaying, mentions of biting (always get consent!), a bit of exhibitionism, lots of teasing, texting dirty photos, dirty talk, deepthroating, cum eating, but also a lot of cuddling because Jungkook is pretty whipped y'all and so is reader, Jungkook has to deal with a nasty drunk customer, 2021 AMAs Jungkook is the wedding visual

Word Count: 9.5k

Disclaimers: NSFW, obviously I don’t own BTS - they just inspire me

Summary: That sexy man on stage - the one currently giving your friend the lap dance of her LIFE - is your super shy neighbor, Jeon Jungkook?!

A/N: Fuck, it’s been a while since I updated, huh? Sorry about that! I got busy with holiday fics, and then my life kinda fell apart for a while and writing was the last thing I had time for. And then I had a difficult time with this chapter because I’d decided the story was only going to be 15 chapters and I was trying too hard to wrap things up too quickly… so guess what? Paradise is not ending with chapter 15! I hope you’re still enjoying the story, because it’s gonna go on a bit longer. How long? I don’t know! We’ll find out together! 💕

Song lyrics are from "Notice Me" by SZA

Thanks to @minttangerines for taking a look at this one! Please don’t be a silent reader, I’d love to hear from you! Taglist is open. 💕

Previous Chapter ♦️ Paradise Masterlist

************************************************************************

Alarm clocks are such a cruel invention. 

There’s little worse than a tiny machine whose only purpose is to violently jar you from peaceful sleep by means of unholy bleating and throw you directly into your day. Really, whoever invented the alarm clock had to be a sociopath.

These are the sleepy thoughts that run through Jungkook’s head as your alarm clock tears him from his sleep Friday morning. Eyes still closed, he feels you shifting beside him, and then there’s a slapping sound and the annoying beeping ceases. Your heavy sigh makes him smile. 

“You know, I’ve always hated your alarm, too,” he mumbles, remembering your confession about his alarm the other night. 

“It did not occur to me until this moment that you can hear that every day,” you admit, and he laughs, opening his eyes. 

He presses himself forward against your back, burying his face in the nape of your neck to breathe you in. He can smell the faded sweat from last night’s multiple rounds where it still clings to your soft skin. It’s insane to him, how everything about you is wonderful, down to even the smell of your sweat. He hears you sigh again, a happy sound that makes his heart beat faster, and you scoot closer, threading your fingers through his. 

“Mmmhmm,” Jungkook hums. “S’okay, I usually just fall back asleep. But I really hate it today, because it means you’re getting up, right?” Obviously you have to go to work. Or login or whatever it is you do with a work from home gig. He tightens his grip when you start to pull away, whining into your skin. “Noooo, don’t leave me.” 

“Kookie!” you huff amusedly. He gives up when you persist, twisting yourself onto your side so you can peer at him while he pouts. Your fingers pinch his bottom lip playfully as you eye him, an exuberant grin on your face, and he wants to roll you onto your back and cover your face in kisses until you’re breathless with laughter.

You sigh again. “Does anyone ever say ‘no’ to this face?” 

“Nope,” he lies gleefully, lips turning up in a smirk as your arms loop around his neck. “Don’t tell me you’re about to try. You can’t.” 

“Actually, I was about to tell you that I hit the snooze button, so you’ve got me for at least another five minutes.” Lightly, you kiss him. He follows your mouth when you pull away to speak, so that you end up breathing the words onto his lips. “Better make them count.” 

The delighted giggle you let out when he swiftly rolls you onto your back sends him to the moon. He brings himself back down to earth by covering your mouth and body with his own, his hands reaching for your thighs, prompting you to wrap your legs around him and keep him close. 

He feels you start to squirm against him and takes the hint, easily flipping the two of you over so that you’re on top. “Shit, jagi,” he hisses as you roll your hips, grinding your core against his. He can feel how wet you are through where your cunt drags against his naked cock. You’re always so wet for him. He’s definitely getting a big head about it. 

That damn alarm clock of yours goes off again, and you groan, sliding from Jungkook’s lap to reach for the machine. Jungkook remains tangled up in your sheets, one arm behind his head as you climb off the bed. 

“You, uh, you don’t have to get up now, if you don’t want to. I know it’s early for you. I don’t mind if you want to sleep a little more here.”

He watches as you hurriedly drape yourself in a big t-shirt before turning back to face him. You’re so cute like this, when you get shy in front of him, as if he hasn’t seen every inch of you by now. As if he doesn’t want to see every inch of you. There’s nothing you need to hide from him. 

But you seem a little more nervous than usual. Is it because he slept over? He hadn’t intended to, but after the third round last night, you’d fallen asleep on him yet again, this time literally, draped across him, with your head tucked against his neck, and he’d been too enamored to move you. Your soft breathing must’ve lulled him to sleep. 

The offer to let him stay and sleep in is sweet, but he’s wide awake now. “Nah, I’m up.” 

“Okay. Um, just take your time getting up, I guess.” 

Jungkook can’t help but appreciate how awkward you’re being right now. Makes him feel better about his own clumsiness with stuff like this. He always over thinks things when it comes to relationships. Not that this is a relationship. Unless it is, but only if that’s what you want, too. 

Shit. Prime example right there. 

You’re slowly backing towards the door. Jungkook’s not sure if that’s because you don’t want to leave him or because you’re still trying to keep him from seeing your naked ass under that shirt. Seriously, how are you so cute? 

“I’m gonna go shower.” 

He can’t help himself. “Want some company?” 

You bite your lip, contemplating, and he smirks. He’s not a betting man but he’s pretty sure he knows what your answer is going to be, so he rises from the bed, hard cock slapping against his stomach as he crosses the room. Once his arms are around you again, you sigh. “I’m gonna be late, aren’t I?”

Jungkook grins cheekily. “Depends on how you want it.” His hands roam over your backside, squeezing the soft flesh there. It’s an understatement to say he’s a fan of your ass. He drops a smack on one cheek and you let out a cross between a yelp and a laugh. 

“You’re gonna be the death of me, Jeon Jungkook.” 

Stealing your giggles away with a kiss, he shuffles the two of you towards your bathroom, only allowing you to break away long enough to turn on the water. Under the spray, he reclaims your mouth again with needy lips. An electric current runs through him every time you moan, and soon he has you pressing your palms into the tiled wall as he slides his fingers into you from behind.

Jungkook’s shy, but he’s not chaste. He’s never had trouble finding someone on the nights when he’s needed to lose himself in someone else. Especially once he started working at Paradise. At first, he’d tried to resist fucking his patrons. Didn’t want the lines to blur too much. But eventually, he caved, too easily flattered by the women throwing themselves at him - literally, some nights - too easily tempted by the pleasures they promised. 

He’d go home with them and then slip out in the morning, before they woke. Never wanting more than just a memory. He lived this way for the longest time. It was easy, especially for someone like him, someone who used his onstage cockiness to hide his shyness. Required no real thought, no real effort - beyond, of course, what he gave in the bedroom. Or the shower. Or, more than once, in the car. He always made sure they were satisfied. 

So he doesn’t lack experience. But being with you is like nothing he’s ever felt before. Maybe it’s the newness of this physical connection between you that is driving the way he wants you all the time. Like all the time. Or maybe it’s something else. 

Whatever it is, he wants more than the memory of a wild night. 

These thoughts swirl through his mind as he slams a hand on the wall right above yours, steading himself so he can thrust his other hand into you harder, faster. He tries to shut down the thinking part of his brain as he focuses on the moment, letting the sensations take over.

Slick skin slides against slick skin. The warm water rushing over you both gets in his eyes, his mouth as he drops to his knees, but he doesn’t care. 

“Fuck, Kookie.” 

Your words reverberate in the resonant space, a chorus of praise that fills the room. He’s the one kneeling, worshipping, but you’re the one praying. All he feels is you.

“Come on, baby, I know you’re close. Just let go.” He grabs at your waist, making you arch your back a little so your ass sticks out. Once you’re in the right position, he tilts his face up and licks along the wet slit where his fingers just were. 

Jungkook loves eating pussy. He could spend hours between your legs, face buried in your sweetness, coaxing orgasm after orgasm from you. It makes him feel almost powerful, knowing he can make you come apart so quickly. Confident, in a way he’s rarely known off the stage.

He feels that way now, even though he’s in a rather vulnerable position, crouching in your crowded little bathtub with your thighs on either side of his head. You could crush him with those, so easily. And he’d use his last gasping breath to thank you. 

“Kookie, goddamn, that’s - ah - oh, that’s so good!” You press your cheek into the wall, trying to keep your balance as you push your hips back, seeking more of his hot mouth. “Please, oh fuck, please don’t stop!” 

There’s no way he’d stop now. He hums into you, loving the way you shudder in response. As your hips begin to rock, dragging your cunt over his eager tongue, he brings his tattooed hand up to press into your clit, tracing tiny circles into the throbbing nub like he’s drawing a bullseye, aiming oh so carefully for the center.

You cry out so loudly when your climax hits. Jungkook feels his dick twitch just from the way you say his name. Before he’s finished licking you clean, you’re reaching for him, pulling him up to join you. He rises obediently as you wrap your hand around his aching cock and begin to stroke. 

“Jagi,” he grunts, hips jerking erratically into your hand. His eyes fall shut. His mouth blindly finds yours, kissing you desperately as you twist and tug and then he’s painting both your stomachs with his hot seed before the warm water splashing over you washes it away. 

He’s content to let you take the lead when you kiss him this time. Your hands slide into his hair, nails scraping the nape of his neck, and he groans, pulling you closer. He knows you should probably get moving or you’ll be late, but he doesn’t want to stop holding you, and it doesn’t seem like you want to let go, either.

Eventually, though, you climb out, handing Jungkook a towel while wrapping one around yourself. He wrings the water from his long locks before knotting the soft cotton around his waist as he follows you back into your bedroom. When you turn to look at him, something in your eyes makes his pulse race. 

“What are your plans for today?”

Jungkook pulls his sweats back on as you throw on a loose shirt and some shorts. “Don’t really have any, other than work tonight.” He’d traded shifts with Bang Chan so he could have tomorrow night off to attend your friend’s wedding with you. Something he’s equally excited and nervous about, though he’s doing his damnedest trying not to show it. 

He can tell from your stories and from the few times he’s seen you with your friends that you’re incredibly close. And he gets the vibe that your friends are pretty protective of you. Especially Jisoo. Jungkook finds her pretty intimidating. Even if both Taehyung and Jimin swear she’s a sweet little kitten. Hard to trust their judgment when they’re both so lovesick. 

You’re still looking at him, though you seem deep in thought. Finally, you nod. “Okay. I’m taking today off, too.” 

“Really?” 

“Yeah, fuck it, I need a break from that place. And yesterday was so nice…” you shrug, playing with the drawstrings at your waist. “Maybe we could hang out again? Since you’re free?” 

Jungkook’s starting to worry about the effect you have on his heart. Right now, it feels like it might just float straight out of his body and through the ceiling. 

“I mean, if that’s what you want…” he replies, hoping his tone sounds calmer than he feels. How’s he supposed to play it cool when such a simple question makes him so happy like this? 

You slide off the wall, stepping closer until you place your hands on his chest. “It’s what I want,” you confirm, brushing your lips against his. He feels you smile as he tries to deepen the kiss, but you dance away from his grasp. “Let me email my boss quick, and then I’m all yours.” 

It’s amazing how much he wants that to be true. Jungkook watches you walk away, hips swaying, and it hits him suddenly - he’s fallen so, so hard for you. 

Fuck. Whatever he does now, he can’t mess this up. Like he always does. 

“Do you want some breakfast?” Your voice calls to him from your kitchen and he snaps out of his thoughts.He finds you rummaging through your cupboard, grabbing bowls and a box of cereal. 

He munches away happily while you take a seat at your desk. “So you like working from home?” Jungkook loves dancing at Paradise, but he’s thought about camming a few times. It’d be nice to skip the commute. And the grabby customers.

“I fucking love it,” you answer, making him laugh. “I hate it when I have to go into the office. Everyone’s so loud there, all hopped up on stale coffee from the break room. Plus, I really hate having to abide by the dress code. I work better in joggers and comfy t-shirts, but some people aka my boss think that’s unacceptable.” You roll your eyes, scrolling through your email. “Ugh, I need to follow up on some of these. Shouldn’t take long.”

Jungkook tries to picture what you must look like at your office. He imagines you sitting behind a large desk, dressed in a smart suit, something like what he’s seen someone wearing in a movie, with a sharply tailored jacket clinging to your curves and a tight pencil skirt, maybe a little tighter than strictly necessary, and then his reverie shifts. Now you’re standing in front of your desk, palms pressing into the shiny surface as you bend over in that tight little skirt, and - 

Wow, he needs to get a hold of himself. He lowers his bowl a little to cover the half-chub he’s sporting, and remembers something relating to suits. “Hey, for the wedding tomorrow - is it black tie?”

“Shit, I’m sorry, I really haven’t said much about the wedding, have I?” You twist in your chair to glance at him. “It’s not a super fancy ceremony. You can just wear, like, a nice suit, if you have one?”

“All my suits are tearaways.” 

“Oh. Oh.” You blink as you realize what he means, and then he laughs. With your eyes wide like that, you kind of resemble a deer in headlights - an expression he’s come to adore, since he sees it frequently. 

“That was a joke. I have normal suits.” He takes your hand and kisses the back of it. “It’s really too easy sometimes.” Flustering you is his favorite new hobby. He’s kinda proud of how good he is at it. 

“Shut up.” You press your lips together in what looks like annoyance, but he knows you’re fighting back a laugh. He grabs your empty bowl, heading for the kitchen. “Anyway, about tomorrow, I’m gonna get ready with Jennie and the other girls, so I’ll meet you at the hotel before the ceremony. I did tell you where the wedding is, right?” 

“You did. The Black Swan.” 

Another reason Jungkook is rather nervous about tomorrow. The Black Swan is an expensive, high-end luxury hotel in the heart of downtown Seoul. Clearly your friends are doing pretty well if they can afford to get married at the hotel’s famous rooftop venue, overlooking the entire city. He bets they all have prestigious jobs or something, like lawyers and professors and doctors. 

“Right! Okay, good, at least I told you that much. Sorry, my brain’s just been all over the place lately.” 

He just hums sympathetically, lost in his own messy mind. Thinking about the rooftop makes him think of that night at Dionysus, when he’d gotten too drunk, sulking over the fact that you were on a date with someone else…

Oh shit. Jungkook pauses mid-pour of a second bowl of cereal. Are you still seeing that guy? It’s been a while since you’ve said anything about him. Seokjin. Kim Seokjin, the super successful chef. Jungkook had checked out his YouTube channel after seeing the two of you in the hallway that one time. The guy seemed to have it all - talent, good looks, and you in his arms. 

But does he still have you? Does Jungkook, for that matter? Maybe he shouldn’t think in such terms. How can anyone really “have” anyone, anyway? 

It’d be okay for him to ask you about Seokjin. Right? There was that whole competition or whatever… He closes his eyes, trying to calm his thoughts. Relax, dude, you’re spiraling. 

“Oh shit!”

Jungkook pops his head out of the kitchen at your shout. “What? Is there another spider?” 

“You’re not gonna let me live that down, are you?” 

“Nope.” He pops the ‘p’ before chomping down on another spoonful, crossing the space to stand beside you. 

“Well, it’s nothing bad. My friend Wendy, the one I told you about, that I used to work with? She said someone quit unexpectedly and her company needs to hire someone immediately for some sort of new project, so she wants to know if I would be interested in coming in for an interview!” 

You beam up at him, and he’s honestly not sure if it’s the sugar rush or just you, but he feels a little lightheaded as he grins back. 

“Jagi! That’s great!”

“Yeah! It’s kinda amazing, actually. I feel like Wendy’s thrown me a life preserver.” You fall silent as you reread the email. Jungkook swallows as quietly as he can, not wanting to disturb your concentration. He notes your brow furrowing as the silence stretches on.

“Everything okay?”

“Hmm? Oh, yeah! This is great! I just…” you trail off, still reading. He waits. “They want me to interview next week, which is… a little quick.” 

“Ah,” he hums. 

Could you be nervous? Although you’ve told him that you’re sick of your company, you strike him as someone who is incredibly surefooted when it comes to your career. It’s honestly pretty sexy. (As if everything about you isn’t sexy, right down to the way your fingers lightly caress the wheel of your mouse and goddamn it, he really needs to stop thinking with his cock.)

But then you bite your lip as your gaze meets his and he realizes that yes, you are nervous. And it’s a feeling he can understand. 

“It doesn’t give me a lot of time to get myself ready. I mean, I’m thrilled that Wendy recommended me for the position, and I’m sure I could handle it, from what she’s saying, but... it’s been ages since I last interviewed for anything.” 

Jungkook nods, chewing on the inside of his cheek. You glance at the computer screen again, and he’s overcome with the urge to do whatever he can to ease your mind. “I know it’s not the same, but when I was preparing for my audition at Paradise, I had Taehyung helping me out. Maybe I could do the same for you?” He lifts a shoulder. “Ask you some questions? Help you ease back into it.” 

“Like… a fake interview or something?”

He nods. “If that would help.” 

“Really?” Your tone is hopeful, making his heart buoyant again. “You wouldn’t mind?” 

He’d have to search the internet for examples of things to ask you, since he doesn’t know the first thing about financial advising or whatever, but Jungkook feels pretty sure that he can do this for you. If you want him to. “Not at all.” 

“That would… be really great, Kookie. Thank you.” This time when you smile, it’s a shy thing, and before he can think he’s bending down to kiss you gently. You giggle into it, eyelashes fluttering when he pulls away. “What was that for?” 

He shrugs again, painfully aware that the tips of his ears are warming, turning red. “Nothing. How many more emails do you need to answer?” 

“Um…” you stare at your laptop. “Let me just respond to Wendy and then I’m done.”

“Cool.” Jungkook stretches. He doesn’t miss the way your eyes roam over his bare torso as he does so. He smirks, enjoying when you look away, knowing you’ve been caught. Wrapping his arms around your shoulders, he lowers his mouth to your ear. “I’m gonna go home and take off these dirty clothes. Come find me when you’re done. I’ll be waiting.” 

“Fuck,” is your breathy response. He laughs. You’re really too good for his ego. But before you can say or do anything else to inflate his head a little more, your phone rings. 

Be still, my heaaaaart…

“Oh god, I bet that’s my boss, wanting to talk me out of taking off.” You frown as you check the screen. “Shit, it’s Jisoo. I gotta take this.” 

Jungkook carries his bowl back into the kitchen, an excuse to give you a little privacy to talk to your friend. But he can still hear your half of the conversation anyway. 

“Ji! What’s going on? Wait, what’s that sound? Is that Jennie? Is she crying?” A brief pause. “Okay, okay, I’m coming over! No, I’m not working today, I - it’s a long story, I’ll explain when I get there.” 

Jungkook reemerges from the kitchen when he hears you say goodbye. “Is everything okay?” he asks again. 

You shake your head. “I don’t know. Jisoo’s at Jennie’s, I need to get over there.” You move hurriedly down the hallway to your room. “I could hear Jennie crying in the background.”

“Jisoo didn’t say what happened?” Jungkook watches you dress, feeling helpless. You’re radiating with a nervous energy that makes him tap his fingers agitatedly against his thigh.

“No, all she said was that Jennie needs me.” You frown, staring into your closet. “I don’t know how long I’ll be gone. I’m sorry.” 

He doesn’t know what you’re apologizing to him for. “It’s all right. Your friends need you.” He grins when you put on his hoodie. It really does look better on you than him. “Don’t worry about me. Just text me later.” 

“I will.” You give him a playful smile as his fingers grip at your hip, drawing you closer to him. “I’ll try not to keep you waiting too long.” 

“Better not,” Jungkook murmurs, other hand clutching your chin to bring your mouth towards his. 

************************************************************************

You stay on my mind, I can't regret no times spent with you

And I still wonder if you notice me, yes

Jungkook tips his head, staring at the canvas in front of him. Music blares from his stereo and he sings along to it without thinking. It’s like breathing for him sometimes. 

The portrait he’s working on is nearly finished, finally. It’s taken him a bit longer to do this one than usual. He’d like to blame that on being busy the last few weeks, but the truth is that he was having a hard time with the photo his patron provided. It’s not that he can’t paint from a static shot, but he prefers live models or being out in nature. He needs movement, light, even the sounds his subject makes help him to better capture them. 

But he’s pretty happy with his progress on this one. He dips his brush into the mix of yellows on his palette, a sort of sunny shade that he’s using for highlights in the woman’s hair. The gentle tap-tap of his paintbrush against the canvas triggers a tingling sensation down the back of his scalp. 

He doesn’t realize how long he’s been working until his phone buzzes and he glances at the screen. It’s a spam text, so he ignores it, but he’s shocked to see that it’s already past noon. It’s not completely surprising that he lost track of time - that’s usually what happens when he’s in the zone. Everything around him falls away until there’s nothing left but him and the canvas. He learned a long time ago to set timers for himself on the days he has work or other plans or else he’d never stop. 

But it is a little surprising that he managed to stop thinking about you for a few hours. Not because he’s obsessed with you or anything, but because after he left your apartment this morning, he was too excited at the thought of another full day with you to do anything but think about you. 

And as always, his excitement triggered an avalanche of questions. Just like this morning. What should the two of you do today? There was a new gallery on the east side of town that he’d been meaning to check out - would you want to go with him? He’d love to spend an afternoon just walking around with you, talking about art - or anything, really. Or maybe you’d rather just hang out at your place? 

Or maybe you’d have wedding stuff you’d need to do? He remembered you said that you were the maid of honor. He didn’t quite know what that entailed but figured it was important. Your friend Jennie must really trust you. Made sense to him. You and him had only been doing this… dating… whatever that you had going on only for a short while and yet he felt like he could trust you with anything. 

And speaking of dating, what about Seokjin? Were you still seeing him? You hadn’t mentioned him in a while. Jungkook wasn’t sure if that was because he had won the little competition, or if you just didn’t want to talk about Seokjin with him. He should probably ask. 

Although… there was the other night, in the hallway at Paradise. When you’d asked him for a dance. Fuck, he wished he’d could’ve danced for you. He’d been working on a routine just for you… but that night, you’d pulled him close and confessed that you only wanted him. He wanted to believe it wasn’t the alcohol talking. That you’d meant it. But the thought of asking terrified him a little. What if you didn’t remember your own words? 

His thoughts looped back around to the wedding again. There was this burning desire to impress your friends that was starting to worry him. He already knew which suit he was going to wear tomorrow, wanting to dress to kill. Maybe he’d ask Jimin to do his makeup - Jimin usually did his makeup at Paradise. 

Any time Jungkook’s brain would get overwhelmed, he would slip into what his friends refer to as his “buffering mode.” He’d freeze in place, eyes wide but unseeing as he struggled to sort out his thoughts. This morning, Jungkook realized he’d gone into this mode again when smoke began to sting his nose and he snapped back to reality to discover that he’d burnt the fuck out of his kimchi eggs. Cursing, he threw the ruined second breakfast in the trash, and decided to put on some music and focus on his painting before he burnt down his apartment. 

It worked. All those questions and worries melted away as he’d picked up his brush. But now the day’s half over and he hasn’t heard anything from you. He hopes that doesn’t mean anything bad.

His phone is still in his hand, staring up at him impassively. He debates for a few minutes, the desire to talk to you warring with the fear that he’ll come across as impatient or worse, needy, before finally putting the phone down. 

He can keep waiting. The truth is, he’ll wait as long as it takes. 

So he makes lunch. Checks his mail. Does a load of laundry. The time ticks by.

Until finally, his phone buzzes. He lunges across the pile of boxers he’s folding to grab it.

Jagiya (3:01): Kookie I’m so sorry!

Jagiya (3:01): I completely lost track of time

(3:02): it’s ok jagi

(3:02): everything all right?

It’s a few minutes before the dots on his screen disappear. 

Jagiya (3:04): Yes but no but yes? 

He has no idea what that’s supposed to mean.

Jagiya (3:04): I’ll tell you everything later, but right now, Jennie needs me

Jagiya (3:05): So I’m gonna be here a bit longer. Through dinner, at least

His heart sinks. Those little dots reappear.

Jagiya (3:06): I know we were gonna hang out. Can you forgive me?

(3:06): nothing to forgive

(3:07): do what you gotta do

His reply makes him cringe. It reads back as indifferent. What he meant to say was, you don’t need to apologize for being there for your friends. He understands. He panics a little, thumbs flying, wanting to show that he cares.

(3:07): is there anything i can do?

Jagiya (3:08): You’re so sweet 😘

His heart rebounds a little.

Jagiya (3:08): We’re okay here, thanks

Jagiya (3:09): But I guess I won’t see you before you leave for work 

Jagiya (3:09): 😞

He can picture you wearing the same expression as the emoji you send. A sad little pout. He wants to kiss it away. 

(3:10): it’s ok

(3:10): you’ll have me all day tomorrow

Jagiya (3:10): And all night?

Jagiya (3:11): 😙

(3:11): for as long as you want me, jagi

He hopes you understand just what he means. 

************************************************************************

Like it is any other Friday, Paradise is packed. The club is always stuffed full on weekend nights with patrons wanting to toss off the stress of a hard week and slip into a world of fantasy. And it’s Jungkook’s job to give that to them. After finishing his second stage performance of the night, he makes his way back to the bar, where Jimin slides him a glass of water. Taehyung joins him.

“Two more Dick Suckers, please, Min.” Taehyung sets his tray on the bar. “Nice job with that last lapdance, Kook. Poor thing asked me what her name was when she got back to her seat.” A boxy smile splits his face. “Not my name, her name.” 

Jungkook grins back. He’d been tapped to dance for a woman celebrating her divorce being finalized. At first, she’d refused to get up, but her friend, who had paid for it, had insisted that she needed to embrace her new freedom. Once on stage, she’d sat silently, slack-jawed, with her hands clasped tightly over her chest, until Jungkook finally took them and placed them on his ass. At which point she’d shrieked so loudly, he thought he’d ruptured an eardrum. After that, she didn’t stop screaming for a second.

“Thanks. Been choreographing that one for a while. Guess it works.” Jungkook tips back the rest of his water, wiping his forehead with his tattooed arm. “Is the air busted again? It’s hotter than fuck in here.” His entire torso is dripping with sweat, from the exertion of his performance, and the room feels stifling around him. 

“It’s probably just Hoseok-hyung trying to save a buck again. I’ll talk to him,” Jimin replies, placing two bright blue drinks on Taehyung’s tray. “So what time do you want to stop by tomorrow?” 

“What are you two doing?” Taehyung inquires.

“Nothing involving you,” Jimin shoots back. Jungkook cocks an eyebrow. “Taehyung’s not invited over to my place any more.”

“I said I was sorry,” the other man drawls. “I mean it.”

“Sure you do.” Jimin runs a hand through his pink hair as he rolls his eyes. 

“Do I want to know?” Jungkook asks. 

Taehyung sighs. “After work last night, Jisoo and the two of us were hanging out at Jimin’s and someone,” he flicks his dark eyes towards the bartender, “didn’t appreciate my commitment to the scene we were playing.” 

“The scene you were… ah, shit, is this some roleplaying stuff?” Jungkook knows his friends are into roleplaying. Mostly because they spend a large amount of time working out the details of said scenes. Usually in the form of very annoying arguments.

“Look, I can’t help it if I get too deep into character, okay? That’s what you’re supposed to do! Make it feel real!” 

“Vampires aren’t real, Tae!” Jimin hisses. “But the bite you left on my ass sure is!” He looks at Jungkook. “I’m going to go find Hoseok. Watch the bar, will you? And just text me tomorrow, I’ll be home all morning.” He glares at Taehyung. “Alone!” 

Taehyung sniffs as Jimin disappears towards the back of the club. “He’s just jealous because my vamp was more believable than his werewolf.” 

Jungkook slips behind the bar, shaking his head. “He seems pretty mad, hyung.” 

“He’ll get over it. He usually likes biting. I think my choice of location caught him by surprise.” 

Taehyung wanders off to deliver the drinks to his waiting patrons. The bar gets a little busy while he’s gone, with Jungkook struggling a bit to keep up with the orders coming in. When Taehyung returns, he heads straight for the other side of the bar, to give Jungkook a hand. 

“So what are you and Jimin doing tomorrow? I thought you were going to the wedding with YN.” 

“I am. He’s just helping me get ready, that’s all.”

Taehyung smiles at a patron as he hands her an Adios Motherfucker. “Careful with that, sweetheart, it’s strong.” He looks at Jungkook. “Hair and makeup?” 

“Yeah.” With the smooth flick of a wrist, Jungkook finishes another drink, handing it off with a wink. The DJ calls Namjoon to the stage and the crowd at the bar disperses as another performance begins. Jungkook grabs a towel and starts mopping the counter. He’s a serviceable bartender but he’s pretty messy. 

“Mmm.” Taehyung leans back, watching Jungkook clean. He folds his arms over his bare chest. “Kook-ah. There’s no reason to be nervous.” 

Jungkook doesn’t even ask how he knows, replacing some bottles on the wall behind the bar. “I just want to make a good impression.” 

“You think you won’t?”

Jungkook gazes at the mirror behind the racks of bottles. Wide eyes stare back. He can’t put his fears into words, struggling as usual to communicate what has him so worried. It’s just a feeling, one that’s been growing all day, the more he thinks about the wedding. That you and your friends are from another world, one where everyone is self-assured and in control of their lives. And he’s just out here, barely floating by.

“I’m just making sure I do.” He pauses, finally looking at Taehyung. He sees Jimin approaching out of the corner of his eye. “I really like her, hyung. I-I think this could be something.” 

“Awww, Jungkook-ah!” Jimin coos, pinching Jungkook’s cheeks. “Our little Jungkookie’s in love!” 

“Hyung, stop.” Jungkook smacks his hands away. As the youngest of his group of friends, Jungkook’s used to being babied by his friends. He hates it.  “I didn’t say - it’s not - “

“Kook-ah.” Taehyung places a hand on both of Jungkook’s shoulders, turning him to face him. “What am I always telling you?”

Jungkook sucks in a deep breath, huffs it back out. “Confidence.” He feels a little ridiculous doing this here, behind the bar where patrons can see him getting a motivational speech from his hyungs. But sometimes he needs it. 

“That’s right.” Taehyung squeezes his shoulders reassuringly. “Just be confident. You know who you are. And who you are is amazing.”

“Hyung….” Jungkook is thankful that the pink lighting of the bar hides the deepening blush of his cheeks. Taehyung has been trying to bolster his confidence since the day they met, all those years ago in art school. He always appreciates it, but sometimes the man can get a little cheesy.

“Hey pretty boy!” 

A loud voice disrupts the moment. All three men turn to find a woman leaning over the bar. She’s clearly drunk, head propped on her hand as she smiles at Jungkook. Her head bobs a little as she sways. 

Jungkook recognizes her. The divorcée from earlier. “Can I help you, ahjumma?” 

She curls her finger, beckoning him closer. He leans towards her, careful to still maintain his distance. Drunken patrons have been known to try to get handsy with the dancers. 

“I wan’ a private dance,” she demands, words slurring a bit. 

Jungkook glances at Taehyung and Jimin. They appear to be on the same page as he is, based on their furrowed brows and pursed lips. She’s too drunk. Where is her friend? 

“I believe all of our private rooms are busy at the moment. Can I get you some water while you wait?” Jimin doesn’t wait for an answer as he places a glass in front of her. She just waves him off. 

“Not talking to you. Talking to him.” She points at Jungkook, grinning. Her smile turns Jungkook’s stomach a little. It’s cold. “I want a private dance. If I can’t have it here, maybe I could have it later? At my place?” 

Jungkook’s own smile feels tight. “I’m sorry, I don’t do private dances outside of the club.” 

She tilts forward, and Jungkook can smell the alcohol wafting off her. “Come on, pretty boy, I’ll pay. I have,” she hiccups, covering her mouth, “I have so much money.”

“It’s not a matter of money.” Jungkook scans the floor behind her. Seriously, where the hell is this woman’s friend? Should they call her a ride? 

The woman scoffs at Jungkook’s response. “Oh, come on, of course it is! That’s why you’re here, right? You dance, I give you money. It’s your job, honey.” 

Jimin and Taehyung are having a hushed conversation next to him, but Jungkook isn’t listening. He knows it’s pointless to try to reason with this customer, and yet he keeps trying. 

“It’s not my job. My job is to dance here. Not in private.” He knows what she wants, but he’s not for sale. He used to give it away for free, but he never took money or gifts. But even if he did sex work, he’s not going home with her. Especially not if she refuses to accept it when he says no. “Why don’t you have a seat, and I’ll call you a ride? We’ll make sure you get home safely.” 

She seems to finally realize that she’s not going to get her way, and her demeanor changes, countenance warping into an ugly sneer. “Don’t you con-condescend to me! You’re just a pretty boy with a hot body. Good for nothing but a quick fuck.” 

Even though it’s obvious that this woman is totally wasted, her words sting anyway, like a slap in the face. Jungkook recoils slightly, drawing back from the bar. 

“Okay, that’s enough,” Taehyung announces, sliding out from under the bar. “Let’s sit down, shall we?” But as he moves towards the woman, they hear another voice calling out.

“Oh my god, there you are!” It’s the woman’s friend, looking frazzled as she runs up to the bar. “I’m sorry, I thought she’d be okay while I ran to the bathroom. I got back to our table and people next to me said she’d stolen some shots from their table and wandered off!” 

“Well, that explains it,” Taehyung frowns. “I think you should take your friend home.” 

“I will. I’m so sorry, I hope she hasn’t been any trouble. She hasn’t been this drunk in years!” She wraps an arm around the divorcée’s shoulders. “Come on, let’s get you home.” 

The three men watch silently as the woman’s friend steers her towards the door, taking a wobbly path due to her friend’s intoxication. After a moment, Jungkook feels his friends’ eyes on him, but he keeps focused on the two women until they reach the entrance. 

“She was drunk, Kook,” Taehyung murmurs. Again, Jungkook doesn’t even need to ask how he knows what he was thinking. 

“I know.” 

“Don’t let her get to you,” Jimin says in a gentle tone. He lightly pats Jungkook’s arm. “I’ve got the bar covered. Why don’t you go take a break?” 

The locker room is empty when Jungkook enters. He pauses in front of a mirror for a moment, taking the time to wipe away where his eye makeup has smudged from the humidity in the club. He knows that woman was drunk. He knows this. And yet, her words have fed directly into his fears. 

What if he’s not enough? What if all he’s good for is, as those words rattling around in his head angrily declare, “a quick fuck?” 

The drunken woman’s expression while he’d danced for her reminded him of the night he’d danced for your friend Jennie. The way you’d looked at him, like you were seeing him for the first time. How he’d liked it. How, when he told his friends that the neighbor he’d been crushing on for months had shown up, he’d been encouraged to try and make a move. Ugh, that clumsy first attempt at flirting, using your shower - the memory makes his ears turn red. He’d stolen that idea from some cheesy movie he’d seen. But it worked, hadn’t it? It led to here. To whatever the two of you were now. 

If only he knew what that was. 

Suddenly, he needs to talk to you. He rummages through his bag until he finds his phone, grinning when he sees there’s a message waiting for him.

Jagiya (11:05): Hope you’re having a good night 😚

(11:53): it’s better now

(11:53): you still up?

He doesn’t have to wait long. 

Jagiya (11:54): I’m here

He presses the call button. 

“Hey Kookie.” Your voice is so warm, equal parts sleepy and surprised. He imagines you’re lying in bed, can picture the way you looked this morning. Wishes he were there. 

“Hey Jagi.” He leans back against his locker, closing his eyes. “Is it okay that I called?”

“Of course,” you laugh. “What’s up?” 

“Not much. I just… wanted to hear your voice.” He didn’t mean to say that. But it’s the truth. 

You hum, this sweet, soft sound that fills his chest with a happy buzzing. “You okay?”

“I’m okay. Just a long night.” He’ll tell you another time about what happened. He’d rather not relive it right now. “Is everything all right for tomorrow?”

“Yeah, Jennie’s good, and everything’s still set for the wedding. I really can’t wait, it’s gonna be amazing.”

“I can’t wait, either,” Jungkook admits. 

There’s nothing but the gentle sound of your breathing on the other end of the line for a few seconds, and then you ask, “Do you, um, want a sneak peek at my outfit for tomorrow? I took a picture earlier when I was trying it on.” 

“Sure.” He’s not going to turn down the chance to see your beautiful smile right now. 

The image that you send him a few seconds later takes his breath away. 

There’s no bridesmaid gown in sight. Instead, sheer white lace covers your body, the delicate fabric flowing from your breasts down your torso to your hips in a tight-fitting strapless one-piece. Around your waist is a snug garter belt, straps extending down your thighs to where they fasten to silk stockings. And the expression on your face nearly makes him whimper. You’ve one of your hands raised to your mouth, pointer finger dragging your bottom lip down as the edge of your pink tongue licks the tip.

All the blood in his body rushes south. As he stares at his phone, unable to blink, Jungkook exhales loudly. 

“Fuck.” 

You laugh again. “Do you like it?” 

“Jagi, I - “ Words fail him. You’re gorgeous, every inch of you. “I love it. Fuck, you’re so sexy.” 

More giggles. “Noooo, I’m not, stop. I wasn’t planning on wearing this under my dress originally, but I remembered I’d bought it months ago when Jisoo and I were out day drinking and shopping and I - I don’t know.” The words come out in a rush, like you’re embarrassed. “I just want to look good for you, Kookie.” 

Fuck. Why’s he gotta be at work right now? He palms over his erection, wondering if he has the time to lock himself in a bathroom stall and take care of it. While telling you exactly what he wants to do to you in that lingerie tomorrow. 

“You always look so good, baby,” he groans, voice a little husky. “I can’t wait to see this in person. Was it expensive?” 

“No, I don’t think so? I don’t really remember. Did I mention the drunkenness?” 

“Good. Then you don’t mind if it gets a little ripped?” Jungkook grins at your tiny inhale at his words. “Because after the wedding, I’m gonna-”

“Hey Kook-ah, you in here?” Hoseok pokes his head into the locker room. “Ah, there you are. Come on, you and Taehyung are up.”

“Be out in a minute, hyung,” Jungkook nods and the other man leaves. He sighs into the phone. “Shit. I’m sorry, jagiya, but I gotta get back out there.” 

“Wait! Aren’t you going to finish your thought? You can’t leave me hanging like this!” There’s a playfulness to your tone that makes his already hard cock ache. He’s going to have to go stand under an ice-cold shower for a minute before getting back into costume for his double routine with Taehyung. 

“Oh, baby, trust me, you don’t have to worry. You’ll be taken care of. When I see you tomorrow.” Jungkook smirks at his reflection when you whine in his ear.

“Fine.” You sound wounded. “Guess I’ll see you.” 

“You will. Night, jagi.” 

“G’night, Kookie.” With a final exasperated sigh, you hang up. 

Before he puts his phone back into his bag, it buzzes again. Another photo of you, this time just your face, wearing the saddest pout. The message makes him laugh. 

Jagiya (12:04): You’re such a tease

He fires off a response, then heads towards the showers, chuckling to himself the whole time 

(12:04): i know

(12:04): sweet dreams

************************************************************************

There’s not a single cloud in the sky as Jungkook steers his motorcycle down the busy city streets Saturday afternoon. He can see the Black Swan towering over the other highrises as he draws nearer. He tries to ignore the nerves in his stomach, but the swirling is impossible to ignore the closer he gets. 

By the time he’s in the elevator, rising to where the ceremony is being held, the swirling has become a maelstrom. He breathes through his mouth, inhaling and exhaling slowly. It’s gonna be fine. He just needs to walk out there with confidence, like Taehyung said. He can do this. Just pretend like he’s on stage. Too bad there won’t be any actual dancing until the reception. That’s when he feels the most at ease. 

The elevator dings as it arrives at the rooftop. When the doors part, his eyes widen, taking in the gorgeous scenery before him. The elevator opens directly into a lush garden, with flowering bushes and potted maple trees dotting the grounds. To his right, a mirrored wall reflects the greenery, making the open space feel even larger. The reception venue is on the other side of the mirrored wall, but the ceremony will be held in the gardens. 

Chairs have been arranged in rows on either side of a strip of green grass, cut low for the bridal party to walk down. At the end of the green pathway is an arch-shaped trellis covered with flowering vines and tiny string lights. And as his eyes adjust to the brilliant sunlight, he recognizes the group of women talking in front of the arch.

Your dress is identical to the ones worn by the three women standing by you, but he barely acknowledges this fact, too busy focusing on you and you alone. The lavender-colored silk hugs your curves, a small slit cut right at your left knee to reveal the stockings beneath. He tries not to think about what’s holding those stockings up. The straps of the dress rest just off your shoulders, snug against the soft skin there. 

You’ve opted for a fresh-faced natural look, with light makeup just highlighting your features. There’s a pink mugunghwa flower tucked behind your right ear, matching the simple bouquet in your hands. You’re a summer dream, blinding Jungkook with your radiant beauty. 

The tumult in his stomach stills more the longer he admires you. 

He pauses at the edge of the pathway, unsure if he should disturb you and your friends. But Jisoo makes the decision for him, as she turns and catches him watching you. She purses her lips, a loud wolf whistle piercing the air. 

“Holy shit, Bambi’s looking fine!” 

The rest of the group jumps as she grins, pointing to Jungkook. When your gaze meets his, he feels a jolt of electricity. He smirks, emboldened by your eyes on him, and strikes a pose, one hand in the pocket of his charcoal grey suit, cinched tight at his waist with a thick belt. Jimin had swept Jungkook’s hair off his face, showing off his eyebrow piercing, and did an impeccable job with his makeup. Jungkook knows he looks good. 

The expression on your face confirms it. 

As the other girls start whooping in agreement with Jisoo, he takes the opportunity to tease you a little, strutting down the grass pathway like he’s working the stage. He can tell it’s working when you glance away from the heat of his gaze, biting your lip to suppress a grin, before giving in and beaming widely at him. 

“Hey,” you say. 

“Hey,” he replies, matching your smile. “You look beautiful, jagi.” 

There’s some cackling from the other girls, but he ignores it, lost in your eyes. Until Jisoo’s hand appears in front of his face, snapping her fingers. 

“Hi, hello, you two can continue this after the ceremony, okay? Jennie will kill you if we start late because you were too busy eye-fucking at the altar.”

“Ji!” you hiss as the other girls continue to giggle. “Koo- uh, Jungkook, you remember Jisoo, I’m sure.” He nods, shoulders shaking slightly with quiet laughter. “And this is Lisa and Rosé.” 

“Nice to see you again,” Rosé greets him.

“Thanks, you too,” he replies, and then his mind goes blank. Thankfully, you save him from having to make small talk, looping your arm through his. You hand your bouquet to Lisa. 

“Have you seen the setup for the reception? It’s incredible.” And you start to tug him down the pathway, away from your friends.

“Remember, we’re starting in half an hour!” Lisa calls after you. 

Jungkook can’t quite make out what Jisoo says next, but it has the others laughing loudly, and he hears you mumble something about “unhinged freaks,” under your breath. You lead him through the double doors in the mirrored wall, into the rooftop restaurant that’s been converted into a reception space. But before he can get a good look at the room, you’re guiding him out of it and down a hallway. 

“Uh… wasn’t that the room?” 

“Oh, that was just to get you away from my friends before they said or did anything else to humiliate me.” You glance at him, and his heart skips a beat when he sees the heat in your eyes. “I’ve got something else in mind.” 

You stop in front of a door, ushering him inside. The men’s room, he quickly realizes, fingers locked in yours as you pull him into a stall. 

“Jagi? What - “ 

That’s as much as he gets out before you throw your arms around his neck and crush his mouth to yours. There’s an urgent hunger in your kiss that he immediately responds to, sliding his hands along the smooth silk of your dress to hold you close. But just as suddenly as you kissed him, you’re breaking away, dropping to your knees. 

Oh shit. He goes from half-mast and confused to fully erect and excited in a matter of seconds, staring down at you as your fingers make short work of his button and fly. 

“I missed you last night,” you inform him, swiftly yanking his pants down. 

“Jagi,” he breathes, almost lightheaded with want as you nuzzle your face against the outline of his cock through his boxer briefs. It’s strangely sweet and filthy all at once. “Missed you too.” 

“And even though you left me so… unsatisfied… last night,” you continue, fingernails lightly scratching up his thighs, sending a shiver down his spine, “and you are the one who promised me that I’d be taken care of today, seeing you in this suit…” As you trail off, you slide Jungkook’s boxers to the ground. He springs forth, bobbing so close to your mouth that he can feel your hot breath. 

“You like the suit?” he blurts out, earning himself a sweet giggle. Fuck, how are you being so cute right now while you’re this close to his dick? You stare up at him, all innocent doe eyes and angelic smile, and Jungkook thinks that he’d give you the world right now if you asked him to. 

“Can I show you how much I like it?” 

He nods vigorously, and you curl a hand around his cock as you suck the tip into your mouth. 

“Mmmmph,” he moans, pressing his lips together to stifle the sound. Anyone could walk in here at any moment. Even though you’ve hiked your gown up, clutching the hem in one hand to keep it from trailing out of the stall and getting dirty, it’s pretty fucking obvious that there’s someone on their knees in here, sucking the life out of Jungkook’s dick. 

Your mouth is perfect, so warm and wet and tight around his thick length. His hips jerk forward when you hollow your cheeks. He’s going to come embarrassingly fast, he just knows it.

“Baby,” he rasps when you swirl your tongue around the head, coating him in more saliva. His own tongue pokes through his teeth as he tries his best not to whine loudly. “Fuck, you’re making such a mess.” 

You pop off him to inspect his cock. It’s covered in your lipstick. “Oops. Sorry about that.” You swallow him back down, mouth working in tandem with your hand to stroke him off. 

“S’okay,” he murmurs, left hand clutching the top of the stall wall so tightly that his knuckles are turning white. “I-I like it messy.” 

He twitches in your mouth when you hum at his words. Shit, he’s definitely going to come. 

“Jagi, I can’t hold out, ‘m gonna, ah shit!” You take him as deep as you can, choking around him, and he understands what you’re telling him, that it’s okay, that you want him to come down your throat, and with that realization he’s gone, flooding your mouth as he bites down on his tattooed hand to muffle his contented groan. 

You take everything he has to give, gulping it down so lewdly that he grabs your hand, pulling you to your feet so he can kiss you fervently, not caring if he can taste himself on your tongue. 

“You’re amazing,” he whispers against your lips, cupping your face with both hands. You merely sigh, high and sweet, mouth brushing his, laughing as you gently push him away. 

“I better get back out there,” you say, straightening your dress. The flower behind your ear has slipped a little, and Jungkook reaches out to fix it for you. You smile gratefully, pressing one last peck to his cheek. “Give it a few minutes before you come out, okay?”

He nods, but stops you before you can unlock the stall. “I’m still going to take care of you later, you know.”

“I know,” you grin, and then you slip out the door. 

Jungkook takes a minute to clean himself up. It almost seems a shame to wash the lipstick off, but he decides he’ll just ask you to put more on later. God, he can’t wait to get you alone tonight. 

Before he leaves the bathroom, he checks the mirror to make sure he doesn’t look as wrecked as he feels. His earlier jitters have completely disappeared. He feels as confident as he looks. He can do this. 

And then Jungkook emerges from the bathroom, and his world tilts a bit. Because there, standing at the other end, with his arms slung around your back, is Kim Seokjin. 

************************************************************************

Masterlist 💜 Find me on AO3 💜 

© 2022-23 by sunshinerainbowsbts/minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost.

I love this Jungkook is adorable. Also kudos, for picking the engagement ring together.

Because, I Love You | 10

; Genre: Fluff, smut

; Word Count: 3.1k

; Warnings: Discussion of outdoor/public sex, oral sex

; Synopsis: According to society, Jeon Jungkook should not be with you. He should be with a younger, hotter and thinner girl instead of wasting his time on you. It’s a good thing Jungkook doesn’t care what society thinks then.

; A/N: So this is just a fluffy one but…I swear you’ll all love it! Please reblog if you enjoyed it so that others can find it too…and leave me comments or send me asks to let me know what you think! I love hearing your thoughts and what you think about this story and the characters!

; Masterlist

-

Letting out a deep sigh, you close your eyes and simply enjoy the peaceful atmosphere. You didn’t know where Jungkook had found this cabin - you’d tried searching on Airbnb - but you certainly weren’t complaining. 

Set at the edge of a field, bordering woodland and facing a series of empty fields that ended in a dramatic cliff face with the sparkling jewel of the ocean just beyond, this log cabin looked like some kind of fairytale setting. If you ignored Jungkook’s Mercedes parked outside. But it was isolated, with each breath giving you the clean and fresh scents of nature, from the dew-soaked grass in the mornings to the sun-drenched ground in the evenings. Combine that with the sweet sound of birdsong and the gentle rustling of leaves in the wind, it was perhaps the best place you’d ever visited.

Like all your stress and worries drained away into the soil and left you with the feeling of calm that only nature could give.

It was perfect, and not at all what you’d expected when Jungkook had asked you to book this week off for vacation. He’d decided that you two needed to go on your first vacation together to celebrate your first anniversary. A belated anniversary, because that had been three months ago but you appreciated the sentiment.

Keep reading

Ooh this was a perfect read, after seeing all the CK photos of Jungkook.

two point five. (m) jjk.

pairing. handyman!jungkook x reader genre. smut word count. 21.3k warnings. jungkook is very charming and very sweet, oral sex, face riding, slight size kink, unprotected sex, lotsa messy kisses, multiple orgasms summary. who would have thought booking a handyman from an app would lead to this. sure, you wish he’d mount you instead of just your television, but you could totally be friends. right? note. this story was born from an ask game (a long time ago im so sorry) so thank you to the angel that gave me the fic title and all you cuties for helping me flesh out our handyman through asks hehe i hope you like the introduction to him™ because i’m sure there will be more of him soon hehe. also thank you to my angel bby loml @kithtaehyung​ for making the most beautiful banner ever ily!!<3

The sound of your power drill fills up the space of your apartment, the whirring coming to a quick stop only for the laughter of your friend to follow. There’s a brief moment where you forget she’s not in the room with you, actually watching you attempt to drill holes into your new apartment instead of in her home in a completely different state. The small ache in your chest is still felt when you remember this, not yet accustomed to being so far from home, but you push it away as you stare down at your device and see her face on the screen propped up a few inches away from you. 

“I don’t think you know what you’re doing,” she laughs, and although you agree you simply wave her off with a smile. 

“I hung up that tiny mirror the other day—oh, and that shelf!” You point to the side, staring at the shelf you had placed near the kitchen. Sure it was a little crooked, and you’re not exactly sure how much weight you could get away with placing on it, but it was only meant for cute decorations so really, you didn’t do a bad job. 

Keep reading

Ooh this was a very interesting chapter. Going to sit in a corner by myself because, I truely am routing for Jungkook. We really need his side of the story to be told. I just know there is more to it.

our beloved summer | jjk (06)

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn’t as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader

genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, swearing, kissing (omg k1ss1ng omg WHO IS IT ??? 😦), tbh this is the only warning i wanted u guys to read cuz 6 chapters in and we finally get sum action i feel like that's a win lmaooooo, jimin being Real as fook, unbeta'd cuz uhm i'm a godless menace who should be conked on the head, once again we are severely lacking jk in his own fic lol i'm owning up to this 🤗 BUT! this is probably the last chapter where jk feels like a side character lol apologies my dudes

rating: PG-13

word count: 8.1k (honestly i wrote obs6 just so i could get to obs7 lmao that's why it's a lil bit shorter)

note: my apologies if this sucks. you are legally allowed to stone me if you hate it. but i hope you don't hate it. but if you do hate it don't tell me just stone me lol 🤐 why am i so unhinged with this update

series masterpost / playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

I can see you starin', honey Like he's just your understudy Like you'd get your knuckles bloody for me

Exile - Taylor Swift (ft. Bon Iver)

The picture is fucking terrible.

“Jimin, what the fuck,” you grumble, staring at the huge framed photo on the wall, taken on the day of the opening party. You, Taehyung and Jimin are gathered on the floor of the dance studio, with boxes of takeout neatly sitting between the three of you. “I look like ass.”

Jimin barely glances at the wall, just continues to stuff his face with the dumplings that you ordered. “You look fine,” he says absentmindedly, mouth full, continuing to munch on the food despite your little dilemma.

“Bitch, I have my eyes closed.”

“It’s not that bad.”

“I look like I’m in the middle of a sneeze.” You cross your arms in front of your chest, squinting at your photographed self again. The more you look at it, the more irritated you become.

Realistically, you know nobody would pay enough attention to notice the immortalized visual of your fluttering eyes, and you yourself wouldn’t care about it that much. Maybe you would even laugh in good spirits and poke fun at yourself as you often do. Make a meme of it for the group chat.

“What’s the big deal?” Jimin asks.

You shrug petulantly. “I told you. I look like ass.”

Yeah, true, but it’s also more than that.

It’s the fact that the person standing next to you looks so good that you must voice your grievances. It’s the fact that he looks so much more than just good. 

The guys stop eating to look at you. You wonder just how much of what you’re feeling is written all over your face. Regardless, they don’t comment on it. 

One of them clears his throat, shaking the whole thing off.

“Did you tell Yoongi anything yet?” Jimin asks.

You poke at a lone dumpling with your chopsticks, popping the ‘p’ when you say, “Nope.”

“Damn, Y/N,” Jimin scolds you. “It’s been three weeks. He doesn’t want to push you for an answer but the man has got to be suffering.”

You flick a piece of spring onion garnish at him. It lands on his hair, a single bit of green sitting among golden locks. “I don’t know what to tell him!”

“What do you mean you don’t know?” Jimin shakes the onion piece from his head and chucks it back at you. “Obviously you say yes!”

You exhale through your nose, then take a bite of your dumpling. You nibble on the fried dough, stretching out the silence, delaying your response.

It hasn’t even started, and it might not even start. But you’re already thinking about all the things that could go wrong. Yoong is your friend, first and foremost. He’s a good friend, and you would be crushed if you lose that relationship. 

What if he hurts you, or you hurt him?

Sometimes, people are meant to hurt each other even if they don’t mean to.

Yoongi hasn’t seen your pieces in all of their jagged glory, how they’re only meant to reflect the light but never be healed by it. He’s still blissfully unaware of the ugly thoughts that have a home inside your head, and you’re afraid if you let him in, he’d realize it’s a place he doesn’t want to be. It’s hard to love a broken thing. You wouldn’t want to love you either.

Maybe this is the real reason that’s been holding you back all this time. Maybe it isn’t Jungkook - though he certainly isn’t absolved - but it’s you, and how you just don’t know if you’re someone who deserves to love and be loved. You’ve felt inadequate more times than you can count. You’ve been left before. Who’s to say it isn’t going to happen again?

You’re well aware that this is a bad way to look at things, but can anyone really blame you? You still have a heart, and despite how fragmented it is, you still want to protect it.

“I know that look,” Taehyung says, parting your fog and pulling you back to him. “You’re overthinking again.”

You roll your eyes. He knows you so well, but does he have to call you out every time?

“I’m not overthinking. I’m regular thinking.”

“Right. And to normal people, that’s overthinking.”

“It’s just…” you wonder out loud, gaze on the floor. “What if I go all in, and Yoongi sees me for who I am and thinks that I’m just an utterly sad person who can’t be loved? That I’m too much work when he’s got literally thousands of people throwing themselves at him left and right?”

Taehyung stares at the side of your face as he bites the inside of his cheek. His tongue soothes the spot, his jaw clenching once. “He’s not going to think that.”

“You don’t know that,” you say, the corners of your mouth tugging down.

“You’re not unlovable just because one person didn’t love you right. So stop it with that bullshit, because I love you,” he says, voice serious. Even Jimin stays silent as he listens to his friend, his eyes flickering between you and Taehyung. “And Jimin loves you. Hobi loves you.”

You merely blink, because you hate it when he’s right. In all fairness, you understand. This is the same thing you would tell him if the situation were reversed.

You deflect anyway. That’s what you do best.

“You don’t count,” you tell him with an unserious scoff, your tone starkly contrasting his. “You’re my family.”

You taste something bitter as soon as the words leave your mouth. You should know better than anyone, that just because someone’s your family, doesn’t mean they have to love you.

Taehyung reenacts the blinking guy meme before chuckling, holding a hand over his chest like you’ve just wounded him. “Ouch.”

“You two are getting nowhere,” Jimin interjects. “Just call Yoongi.”

“And say what?” you ask.

“I told you. Say yes. God, you’re so dense sometimes.”

You reach over to jab a finger into his side, making him hiss and shuffle away from you.

“That wasn’t nice,” you grumble.

“Well, somebody’s gotta say it.” He gives you a look, eyebrows raised for a few seconds before he lowers them and grows more stern. “Come on, Y/N. You know you don’t want to say no, or else you would’ve turned him down already. You said you wanted to start dating again. Yoongi is practically on his knees offering himself to you. What are you waiting for?”

There’s a voice in the back of your head - tiny, barely audible - that whispers, Who are you waiting for?

“Fuck it, I’ll say it,” Jimin continues. “It sucks balls that Jungkook hurt you, but you can’t let that affect you for the rest of your life. Not everyone is going to hurt you. You’re not even giving Yoongi a chance just because someone else did you dirty. If you keep always thinking about the worst possible outcome and banking on it to happen, then you’re never going to get anywhere. I love you, dude, but y’know.”

You stare at Jimin with your mouth slightly open, stunned into silence. When you glance at Taehyung, he’s surprised too, though probably not as much as you.

After a couple of minutes, you say, “Wow.”

“Tough love. I have my moments.” Jimin shrugs casually, like he didn’t just drop a truth bomb on your head. “But also…” He picks his phone up and types something in. Your phone instantly buzzes with a notification.

“Open the link I just sent you,” he says.

“You are literally sitting across from me.”

“Just open it! I made you a playlist.”

“Aw, Jimin, that’s so cute,” you coo softly, reaching over to pinch his cheek before he swats your hand away. You unlock your phone to see what Jimin made you, because that is some friendship hall of fame stuff right there. However, when the link redirects you to your music app, your smile immediately drops.

Aaand he’s back.

You stare at the screen for a good ten seconds to try and find your bearings, flabbergasted at something that is quite honestly very on-brand for Jimin if you think about it. “You made me a playlist called Dick Appointment with an eggplant emoji and the tongue out emoji and it’s mostly just Yoongi’s songs. Even the playlist cover is from his Valentino shoot.”

“So you can get it on while Agust D plays in the background!” Jimin grins, and you could just smack it right off his face.

“Park Jimin, who raised you? You are vile.”

“Validate me,” he demands. Oh, you would smack him. You really would. “I spent hours making that playlist.”

“It’s literally just Yoongi’s songs.”

“Yeah, but I had to curate an experience. I can’t just dump every song into a playlist and call it a day. I gotta make sure they fit the vibe.”

“I literally just heard the most profound shit from you not even two minutes ago.” Then, you turn to Taehyung with an exasperated look on your face. “Why would you let him do this?”

He just waves a dismissive hand in the air, like Jimin isn’t even there. “I’m not responsible for the stupid shit he does.”

Jimin crosses his arms in front of his chest, both eyebrows raised dramatically as he gapes at you. “You both suck. From now on, you can make your own sexytime playlists.”

“Nobody even asked you to do that!” you cry.

“Yeah! Which makes me an even more considerate friend,” he says. “Ugh. Whatever. Go call Yoongi.”

“You want me to do it now?”

“Yes. Because I know you’ll wuss out when you’re alone. You can stay and put him on speakers for us to hear or you can go out into the hallway. Come on, chop chop.”

“No, I have to text him first,” you protest. “What if he’s busy?”

Jimin narrows his eyes at you suspiciously, but allows you this after a moment. “Fine.”

You take out your phone from your bag that’s lying carelessly on the floor to draft a quick message to Yoongi. 

[12:59] You: got a minute?

The three of you go back to the food, abandoning the previous topic of conversation in favor of something lighter and meaningless or else you would go crazy waiting for Yoongi’s reply. After you’re finished, you and Taehyung are in the middle of putting away all the empty containers and soda cans when your phone buzzes again. 

You go to grab it to look at the notification, hands already starting to sweat.

[13:17] Yoongi: for you? always :)

You turn back to the guys to find them already looking at you. Jimin wiggles his eyebrows suggestively while Taehyung just stares at you.

“Time to get your whore on,” Jimin says in an exaggeratedly sultry voice.

You turn to Taehyung for help. “He’s bullying me.”

“Ignore him,” your best friend tells you gently. “Go call Yoongi.”

When you take your phone out into the hallway, you make sure to go to the far end of it, near the main entrance so the two dorks can’t eavesdrop. You’ll tell them everything once you come back anyway, but you don’t want them within earshot while you’re in the middle of it.

Yoongi picks up your call on the third ring. In the background, your ear picks up on some chatter.

“Hey, princess,” he greets you. Then he holds the phone away from his ear to tell someone that he’d be back in a bit.

“Hey,” you say. “Where are you?”

“Just at a fitting. I have an ad campaign to film next week,” he answers. “Did you call just to get my whereabouts?”

“No, I… If you’re busy, we can talk later.”

“We’re still in the middle of lunch break anyway. What did you want to talk about?”

You briefly regret not taking a minute to psych yourself up before. You suck in a deep breath, which eases your nerves for just a second, long enough for you to say, “Yes.”

You’re met with brief silence from the other end of the line, which only makes your palms more clammy than they already are.

“Yes?” he echoes confusedly. “Yes what?”

“Yes,” you say again. “To…”

The silence commences once more, and lasts longer than you think you can handle. Then, you hear him stop in the middle of a breath.

“Oh.” A subsequent chuckle in response to the lightbulb that must’ve been switched on. “To that?”

“...Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yes.”

It feels like you two have invented a secret language that nobody else could understand. A single syllable, bouncing off the metaphorical walls of your conversation. Two idiots sharing the same brain cell.

“Yes?” he continues to prod, but at this point, you know he’s just teasing you.

“Yes! God, stop making me say it again. We sound so stupid.”

He graces you with a hearty laugh that makes you fight back a sheepish smile, even though there isn’t a single soul in sight to witness it. Yoongi makes you so fucking shy for some reason. Your nerves dissolve momentarily as you lean against the wall, your index finger running along a crack in the paint.

“Hmm, I wish you would’ve told me this in person,” he says, his voice soft.

“I can’t handle you in person. You’d tease me so much.”

“Because you’re adorable when you’re flustered, that’s why.” He waits a second before adding, “You’re blushing right now, aren’t you?”

“You’re being overly confident, Min.”

“Maybe,” he responds easily. “But am I right, though?”

“Shut up.”

When Yoongi said he would cook for you, you almost gasped.

“You can cook?” you had asked. It wasn’t an earth-shattering revelation or anything, but you suppose you’d never given much thought to the hidden sides of him. 

“Y/N,” he laughed then. “I’m a great cook. I could probably make a pretty decent career out of being a chef.”

“I didn’t know that,” you told him sheepishly.

“There’s a lot of things you still need to know about me.” It sounded like a promise. Like I’m willing to show you me. Like I’m willing to take the first step if you’d be in this with me too. “Does that sound like a good idea? You, me, dinner at your place?”

“My place?”

“Yeah, so you’ll be more comfortable. I’ll come over.”

This one simple gesture shouldn’t affect you that much, but it does. You appreciate that he’s considerate even when it comes to the littlest things. You swell with gratitude for the thought he puts into this, into putting your comfort first. It made you feel a bit better about yourself, calmed your stormy sea of thoughts enough to rationally accept the fact that he genuinely cares.

Regardless, it doesn’t stop you from spending most of the day obsessively cleaning your apartment. Even - and especially - your bedroom, although you’re sure that is not where the night will end. Every surface is spotless, not a single speck of dust to be found. It’s like the goddamn Pope is coming over for a house inspection. 

You haven’t had a first date in… fuck, how long has it been now? Nine years? It’s almost been a fucking decade already? You honestly can’t tell if that’s embarrassing or not.

But you remember the last time.

College, freshman year, with Jungkook. His yellow piece of sticky note that he slipped inside your favorite book. His adorably flustered expression when he timidly stood in front of you in the campus library. The way he was trying so hard to be confident and charming throughout your first dinner together. How he ran back to you after saying goodnight.

No.

You shut your eyes and shake your head, warding off any Jungkook-related thoughts before they could send you spiraling. You can’t reminisce about your ex while waiting for someone else to show. Yoongi deserves better, and that’s what you’re trying to be.

You’re not exactly sure how nice you should dress tonight. Yoongi told you that you could be clad in sweats for all he cares. If the dinner didn’t hold any connotation other than platonic, maybe you would’ve really donned your loungewear like you were merely having Taehyung and Jimin over for pizza.

You’d completely forgotten all the things people worry about in the early stages of dating, when you want to impress the other person but don’t want them to think that you’re trying too hard. 

Calm down. It’s just Yoongi. He’s seen you ugly crying with mascara running down your face, for fuck’s sake.

In the end, you opt for a sweater and a comfortable skirt. Casual. 

Yoongi rings your doorbell about ten minutes later than when he said he’d be there, holding a bag full of groceries. The visual alone makes you bite back a giggle and subsequently fail. You believe this is what people would call husband material.

You take his coat and guide him into your home. “Welcome to my humble abode,” you say shyly, gesturing around as you lead him into the kitchen to show him where everything is. Why are you acting like this? This isn’t you. If Taehyung or Jimin could see you right now, they would probably laugh. Hoseok would straight up be rolling on the floor.

You barely breathe as you watch Yoongi take in his surroundings. It’s intimidating, even though you know it’s just Yoongi. 

“I actually don’t know what I expected, but I like it. It’s very you,” he comments, smiling.

“What does that mean?”

“It means that it’s cute,” he says, throwing you a wink as he leans against your kitchen counter.

You avert your gaze immediately. “Oh… Thanks,” you reply, fiddling with the hem of your sweater. “So, uhm, what are you making? How can I help?”

“Just sit down. I got this.”

“Yoongi,” you say his name in protest. “I want to h-”

“I’m trying to romance you here. Let me do that,” Yoongi says, his smile turning lopsided as he starts emptying the contents of his grocery bags. Even though his tone is light, the gentle reminder of tonight being a date shuts you right up.

You take a seat at your dining table, though you can’t really sit still. As Yoongi starts working, you absentmindedly talk to each other about your day, about his campaign, about Seokjin’s album. At one point, you get up to creep over to his side when the smell of whatever he’s making becomes more prominent. You try to peek at the pot, curious, but he just shoos you away by bumping his hip against yours.

When you give him a small pout, you pretend not to notice the way his eyes dart to your mouth. You retract yourself from his personal space, choosing a spot on the other side of your kitchen island, staring at his back as he works.

You watch him expertly navigate your kitchen like he’s been here before. When he’s finished, he makes you sit down, not even letting you help bring the food to the table.

“What is it?” you ask once he’s settled in his seat, everything plated in front of you.

“Kimchi jjigae,” he says, a proud look on his face. “My mom’s recipe.”

It’s endearing, and it makes you smile.

For the most part, Yoongi lets you eat in peace, though there’s still a couple of flirtatious comments here and there. Every time it comes, you bite down on your bottom lip to try and snap out of that daze before you cough, as if that would help tone down the colors adorning your face. There’s no verbal response from you, and it seems like Yoongi doesn’t expect one either, because he just chuckles. You think he must notice the palpable nervousness that radiates off of you, but it’s not like you’re doing a very good job at hiding it.

You’re taking baby steps and he knows it. The fact that you even agreed to this at all is already major progress.

When you’re done eating, he clears the table while he asks you to open the expensive bottle of wine that he brought over. It does wonders for your nerves.

Three glasses in and you’re visibly more relaxed as you both sit on the couch in the living room, facing each other. There’s a small smile on your face that you can’t help, maybe it’s some of your inhibitions wearing off as a side effect of the alcohol. 

You glance around the room, and you take in the sight of Yoongi sitting here, this close to you. He feels bigger than your small world can handle.

“You know,” you start. If the wine didn’t make you more mellow, you probably wouldn’t be saying this. “There are thousands of people thirsting over you every day.”

Yoongi tilts his head, swirling the wine in his glass. “Really?”

“Don’t you look at the internet? I personally know two girls from college who are on the Yoongi Marry Me train,” you say matter-of-factly, like you aren’t borderline tipsy in front of him.

You aren’t an avid Twitter user, but every time you check the damn bird app, Yoongi is almost always trending. In every single one of his posts on social media, there is always an influx of comments asking him to marry them. Not only that, when word first got out about you collaborating with Agust D back then, people you knew - both old friends and acquaintances - practically bombarded your messages to see if it was true, and to ask if you could get them an autograph.

Yoongi stretches out his legs until they brush against yours. Your stomach flips even though it’s only your legs that are barely touching.

“The what train?”

“You seriously don’t know about the Yoongi Marry Me movement? Look it up. It’s a whole thing. People would do anything to, I don’t know, hold your hand or something.”

With an amused look on his face, he holds your gaze. “Would you?”

“What?”

“Would you do all of that just to hold my hand? Because you don’t have to, y’know.” He brings the wine glass to his lips, partially hiding his face from you, and you don’t know whether he’s doing it for your sake or his in preparation for the words he speaks next. “But I would do it to hold yours.”

You’re sure that your cheeks are burning bright, your stomach twisted in knots. It’s the wine, but it’s definitely the effect of his words too. You stare at Yoongi in surprise; no matter how many times he openly flirts with you, he’d still elicit the same reaction from you. It’ll be hard to get used to it. He just always seems to know what to say to make you blush like a schoolgirl, which you resent but you can’t deny the sparks of excitement that make your fingertips tingle.

Yoongi is smooth, and it’s even worse - or is it better? You haven’t decided yet - that you know he means every word he says. It makes you feel… wanted. It’s good to know that he’s being genuine, and to know that Yoongi isn’t the type of person who would ever pull the rug out from under you.

Yoongi is… stable.

You suppose, after everything you’ve been through, that stability is what you need. It’s good for you.

You try to swerve around the thoughts, to avoid them at all costs, but deep down you know now that they’re glaringly true.

That love is stored in two bags of groceries, so filled to the brim that some onions almost fall out. Love is stored in every flick of his wrist holding a knife, slicing the sharp blade across your cutboard. Clean cuts, yet he’s never this way when it comes to you.

Love is stored in a fond smile and adoring eyes when he sees how you cradle your expensive dishware like it’s a newborn baby before you set it carefully on the table.

Love is stored in a Yoongi-shaped silhouette, dancing over your countertops with practiced precision in every movement, filling in the cracks of your home. The love in him is reserved because you, like a moon crescented, still have a ways to go.

When he stands at your door an hour later with his coat in hand, you wait for him to speak first.

“Performance review?” he asks. “How did I do?”

“I… liked it. It was nice,” you say honestly. But you still feel the wine in your system, and it makes you bold enough to tease him for a change. “But it was my first date in a while, so it’s hard to tell if that opinion is objective.”

He rolls his eyes fondly. “Do I qualify for a second date then?”

You hum in thought, making him wait on purpose. “Yeah, I guess,” you say, feigning nonchalance, which earns you a hearty laugh.

“What are you doing tomorrow night?” he asks, hopeful.

“Don’t know yet,” you answer, though you’ll probably end up going home and catching up on a kdrama. “Are you coming in tomorrow?”

“Just in the morning. I have a shoot in the afternoon.” He shifts to lean his weight on his other leg, tipping his body closer to you. “But I can pick you up after.”

“Yeah? And where would we go?”

Yoongi shrugs in earnest. “Just drive around? Grab a bite?” he thinks out loud, tilting his head slightly to one side for emphasis. “I could take you to that popup store you mentioned.”

You quirk an eyebrow. “You would stand in line with me to buy a novelty mug?”

“Pretty sure we wouldn’t have to stand in line if I gave them a call,” he says, grinning. “One of the perks of the job, y’know.”

“Must be nice,” you laugh, then shift to lean just a tad closer to him. You look at him for a brief moment before you agree, “Yeah, okay.”

You and Yoongi stand there at the door, each of you on either side of the threshold. This would be an appropriate moment for a kiss, you think. That explosive first kiss, if this were a movie. Exhilaration courses through your veins. You feel it from your head to the tips of your fingers to your toes. The feeling is rendering you a mere teenager again. 

It’s exciting because it’s new. You have the entire book ahead of you, waiting to be written. At this point, anything could happen. You’re a blank canvas waiting to be drawn, a blank page hoping to be written. 

Wait.

Back up.

A kiss?

A kiss?!

With Yoongi?

You’re thinking about kissing Yoongi?!

Fuck.

Fuck?!

It’s the wine.

Your thoughts knock against each other like bumper cars, echoing loudly in your brain that it almost gives you a headache.

You stay still as Yoongi leans down, your heart racing while your brain just keyboard-smashes. You can’t tell if you want him to kiss you or not, but when he only presses his lips against your cheek, you feel two emotions at once.

The first is disappointment, the second is relief. They press down on you with almost equal force, and you’re not really sure which one weighs heavier.

Baby steps.

You blink when he pulls away, and he just smiles fondly at you as if he can read your mind.

“Goodnight, princess.”

You watch him until he’s in the elevator, until the doors close and the lift descends. Even when you know that he must be on his way to his car and that someone else is making their way up, you stand there, with your hand loosely wrapped around the door handle, your breathing slightly erratic as you process what just happened. 

Déjà vu? 

It’s oddly reminiscent.

You’ve been here before.

Part of you thinks he’ll burst through the elevator doors, or rush up the stairs if the lift is occupied, and come back to grab your face and kiss you senseless.

He doesn’t.

Jungkook knows you’re probably waiting for Yoongi.

He’s seen Yoongi pick you up after work almost daily over the past couple of weeks, and it’s driving him insane. Even on the days that Yoongi comes to the studio during the day, the guy is all over you, so much so that he doesn’t even bother being a nuisance to Jungkook anymore, which just makes him a thousand times more insufferable.

Something is happening.

He can’t weasel shit out of Jimin anymore because Jimin has been especially tight-lipped after accidentally spilling Yoongi’s confession to you.

Because that should be him in Yoongi’s place. Or should he say his place, and Yoongi is just a placeholder. An imposter.

Because it used to be him that you smiled shyly at.

Jimin’s words have been plaguing his every waking hour since he was forced to hear them. If she wants to choose Yoongi, let her do that too. It feels like he’s rewinding all of your memories, retracing them with cautious fingers only to find that his every footstep is being erased to make room for someone else.

An abandoned dirt road, while you walk down a flower-filled path holding someone else’s hand.

Like you’re stamping him out.

Like he was never there at all.

Not only are you denying him a chance, you’re giving it to someone else. When he tries to move at someone else’s pace, all he gets is left behind.

It’s not about Yoongi; or at least, it’s not just about him. Yoongi doesn’t even really matter to Jungkook in this equation. It’s about what Yoongi represents. An idea of a person that Jungkook can never be.

A bigger life. A stable present and an even brighter future. Yoongi is everything better than him.

And that’s his own problem to deal with, not anyone else’s. At the end of the day, no one has to live with his insecurities but himself.

But still, he can’t help it. Whenever he sees you with Yoongi, his eyes burn. Please don’t let him take my place, he wishes every time, you’re the only good thing about me.

It’s jealousy, sure, of course it’s there. 

But what if you realize what everyone else already knows? That Yoongi is better in every single way. That Yoongi is the person who really deserves you.

What if you start to see Jungkook the way he sees himself?

You hating him - despising him with every cell in your body - is a thousand times better than you deeming him unworthy.

“I talked to Jihyo,” he speaks up suddenly, when it’s only the two of you.

“Okay,” you answer, never taking your eyes off the page in front of you. You must have circled the words daisy a thousand times already, wracking your brain for anything that rhymes. “I don’t know why you’re telling me this, but good for you.”

At this point, you wonder if you should just avoid the studio for the time being. It’s empty here again. You resent Seokjin for drowning in concept photos. You resent Namjoon for leaving Jungkook here to fend for himself, but it’s only fair, because Namjoon was only supposed to give him a helping hand, not take over the whole thing. You even resent Yoongi a bit, for not being here right this second.

“I talked to her,” Jungkook says again, ignoring your sass. “She won’t give you a hard time anymore.”

This makes you look at him. You never asked him to do this. You never asked him to do anything. In fact, you have only ever implored him to sit still and leave things alone.

“She never gave me a hard time,” you say. Sure, you don’t appreciate being given the death glare first thing in the morning, but it’s not something that you can’t ignore. It doesn’t actively affect you, and the only reason Jihyo does it is because of Jungkook.

Because he broke things off with her?

Because he gives you more attention?

Ugh. Attention?

This is the stupidest and most childish thing you have had to think about in ages.

“You said she acts differently toward you.”

“And aren’t you the reason why?” you counter. “Because you two were fucking?”

Jungkook visibly winces at your words, like he did when you mentioned it the first time in the break room. You don’t mean to be snarky; you’re just stating the facts. They were hooking up. 

You don’t harbor any ill will toward any of his past lovers, and that includes Jihyo. You know she doesn’t have anything against you either, at least not on a personal level because you don’t know each other well enough to do so. She’s just someone you pass by every day on your way to the elevator.

“So why did things end?” you ask just for the sake of it, since he was the one who brought it up. But you’d be lying if you said you weren’t curious.

He hesitates for a moment. “She wanted something more and it wasn’t the same for me.”

It’s stupid that the tiny voice in the back of your head resurfaces, hoping that you were the reason why he couldn’t pursue things with another woman.

Jihyo isn’t you, that much is clear. You never asked for anything more from him, not once from start to finish. He was always the first one to pour love into you. It’s arguable which one of you loved the other more - maybe you loved each other equally, just in different ways - but it was a fact that Jungkook always took the initiative. He made the first move so you wouldn’t have to. He gave you the option to match his affection, and never have to worry about being left out to dry.

He took initiative, right until the very end.

You bite your bottom lip, then give him a curt response, “Okay.”

Your phone vibrates with a text from Yoongi but you don’t open it just yet. You look at Jungkook, who only looks back at you. His lips part slightly as he searches for the right words, or any word at all. It’s like you’re asking him to navigate a minefield when all he has to do is be honest. Even if he told you that he fell out of love with you, it wouldn’t be that bad. You would be hurt, yes, but you wouldn’t blame him. You would understand. It would be a reason.

Silence fills the room, save for the continuous tapping of your pen on paper.

He says your name, pleading. “I’m trying here.”

At Jimin’s party, Jungkook said you were someone important to him. You don’t doubt that he meant it, and that’s what infuriates you the most. You’re important, but he keeps running circles around you and making your head spin. You’re important, but everything he’s done makes you think that you’re the opposite. You’re important, just not important enough to get an explanation.

You know he’s genuine about everything he says, but that’s not enough. You can’t sustain yourself on just his words alone.

It’s another cycle of the same conversation, running over and over and over again. He’s reaching out but he’s holding back. You’re still getting nowhere. You don’t know how many times he has to make you ask this, only to not give you any clarity at all.

If there is a trait of Jungkook’s that you both love and hate at the same time, it is that he doesn’t know when to quit.

He texts you every day even when you don’t reply - one for good morning, and one for goodnight. He gets you a chai latte every day, which doesn’t do shit for your concentration because there’s not enough caffeine in it. He gets the door for you whenever you go into the same room together. He hounds your every waking moment. He makes sure that he’s the first thing you see when you wake up, and the last thought that crosses your mind before you go to sleep.

I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.

You suppose this is him, showing up again. In a lot of ways, it’s selfish. But it’s an effort too. Now your phone is full of meaningless messages that remain unread.

You barely glance at him. It’s routine at this point. He tries in ways that you don’t bother acknowledging anymore, because you figured that the best course of action is to let him wear himself out.  When he has had enough of it, when he deems his efforts to be enough to absolve his guilt, he’ll stop. He has to.

But at what point does it stop?

At what point will you stop wanting to give in to him? Your mind rages wars with itself every time you feel his eyes on you, and you have to kill the urge to not turn your head and look at him too. At what point will you stop wanting to go to him and let him in again? At what point will you stop unconsciously making him a priority?

All of this, you supposed, is to say: Do you still love him?

You know that if you sit down and get to the root of it, you’ll find an answer you don’t like. Even in this moment, you want him to tell you just a fraction of the truth, because that would probably be enough to reel you back in.

Your own heart claws at your chest but this is how it has to be for a while. All you can do is take it one day at a time, gently nudge your heart in one direction like a child that needs to be goaded, until he doesn’t live on the forefront of your mind anymore.

Until someone else does.

“No, you’re not.” You stand up then, closing your notebook with more force than necessary. “If you’re really trying, then I wouldn’t still be wondering why I wasn’t enough to make you stay.”

Even then, you’re still hoping that he’d say something else. But when you’re only met with silence, the anticipated disappointment in you bubbles, boiling. His reluctance to clue you in makes it easier for you to decide.

There's someone else who's willing to give you things that you don't even need to ask for.

In your mind, it's clear who you should choose.

Jungkook clenches his teeth, holding his breath as he watches you shove your things into your bag. “Are you going home?” he asks after a minute.

You could say yes and let the conversation die a swift and simple death. But for some reason, you choose to kill it violently. You bite the inside of your cheek before you tell him, “I don’t know. Yoongi’s picking me up.”

The chagrinned look that takes over his features for a split second is one that you immediately catch. Maybe it’s because he wants to make sure you know how he feels about this, or maybe you still have a way of reading him somehow. Regardless of what his face tells you, he doesn’t prod any further.

Your phone vibrates on the table, the sound ten times more thunderous amidst the silence that’s befallen the both of you. You don’t need to check the screen to know who’s calling, and neither does he. When you leave, the sound of your fading footsteps ricochets off the walls. It shoots right through him.

He hears every word of that conversation ringing in his ears then. He recalls that afternoon’s sunset; it was the most beautiful sunset he saw that year, despite the sun overhead mocking him with every magnificent glint of light. He sees the look on your face when his words finally register in your mind, the Oh moment when you understood what he was saying, when the smile you wore sunk helplessly to the floor because even though you knew that love had an expiration date, you hoped your love would be the exception. 

That memory fades, only to be replaced by something much worse. He sits there with Jimin’s words, echoing in his mind, reverberating around the room.

Technically, you and Yoongi haven’t been on a second date. You think.

You’ve seen him almost every night since the dinner, when he picks you up at the studio. Sometimes, you two just drive around. Sometimes, you sit by the river in the cold, eating hot ramen cups and giggling over nothing. Sometimes, he just takes you straight to your home if he has a packed schedule the next day.

These days, you see Yoongi even more than you see Taehyung. Even though he hasn’t explicitly implied that any of these outings is a date, you know you aren’t hanging out as just friends anymore.

It feels good to be wanted. The feeling is reinforced tenfold because it’s been so long that it’s like you’re experiencing it for the first time in a new body, as a different person.

But even after all of that, you two can still go back to being friends like nothing ever happened. Because in a way, maybe nothing did happen. Maybe things have always been like this between you, the only difference is now you’re noticing the meaning behind his words and glances.

You two can still go back, because technically, no line has been crossed.

But tonight, something feels different. It’s colder, but Yoongi keeps you warm with all the looks he’s been giving you all night.

It feels like you’re both toeing that line right now. 

You know that once you cross it, things can’t revert back to the way they were anymore.

You know that it will happen eventually, because Yoongi isn’t doing this just to half-ass it. He won’t back out, and he has made it crystal clear from the start. 

Usually, this is the part where he tells you goodnight and you have to pretend not to freak out when he kisses you on the cheek in goodbye.

He takes a step closer, you take no step back. 

“You know what I’m about to do, right?”

You do. You could say you’re even hopeful.

“I might have an idea…”

“Okay,” he says easily. He takes your waist in his hands and brings you closer. The way the corner of his mouth tugs upward tells you that he’s pleased, that you know what’s about to come and you’re letting it happen. Still, he asks, “Can I?”

You nod. That glowing sensation washes over you in waves.

“Words, princess,” he reminds you. 

Your hands land on the lapel of his coat. “Yes, you can.”

He chuckles, and squeezes you a little tighter. 

Then it happens.

The line you clumsily drew in the sand has been erased.

Yoongi is kissing you.

You’re kissing him back. 

He’s soft and warm and he holds you like you’re delicate. His sincerity, you can feel it in his kiss, and it’s only a fraction of it. Regardless, there is still life that blooms this winter. Inside of you, small and fragile, but it’s there.

You sigh into his mouth, feeling completely limbless if not for him holding your body upright. One of his arms wounds itself tighter around your middle while his other hand tucks your hair behind your ear so he could cup your cheek more easily. Yoongi tilts his head further to one side to deepen the kiss. You feel something in his kiss that you have never heard in his words, something soft and pleading. Wanting but still contained. Out of fear that you might run away, perhaps? You can’t blame him though. You are a bit of a flight risk.

The wind dances past like a nosy bystander, pressing you further into him like it wants you to be more sure in the way you move, in how much of yourself you’re willing to give to him. Instead, the cold just makes you shiver.

When you break away, his hand on your face moves to hold the back of your head. Yoongi doesn’t look half as flushed as you think you do, though his cheeks are slightly rosy.

Through a thin veil of clouds, the moon still shines down on his profile. 

The chill in the air, the mesmerizing view of moonlight dancing across his features, and most of all, the way you’re still lost in the kiss, in the feeling of being wanted.

“C’mon, I’ll walk you up,” he says, after you stay silent for a beat too long, hooded eyes basking in the warmth of a heart chasing your own. You want to want him. You do want him, but there’s still something missing. It doesn’t feel entirely right, but for now, you try not to dwell on it too much. Just let it be. Maybe in time, that void will inevitably fill.

Yoongi holds your hand through the lobby and on the whole way up even if neither of you says anything, just shy glances in the elevator and bashful half-hidden smiles. You don’t invite him in once you get to your door - because an invite now insinuates something that you just aren’t ready for - but he does kiss you again. If the kiss you shared downstairs is a proper goodnight kiss, then this one means see you later and doesn’t last half as long, but it makes you tingle just the same.

He pulls back, only to dive in again, and again, and again, until one chaste kiss turns into five and you have to push him away with a giggle so you can breathe.

“Sorry,” he mumbles, eyes still set on your mouth. “Couldn’t help myself.”

“Yoongi,” you say, a little breathily, like oxygen hasn’t sufficiently made its way into your lungs since downstairs.

He rests his forehead against yours. “You’ve never said my name like that before,” he sighs.

“Like what?”

“Like you want me to kiss you again.”

You tug your bottom lip between your teeth and pretend to consider this even though you know you would like to be kissed again. “Maybe I do,” you say after a beat, bravely. “Just one more.”

He gives you your final kiss of the night then, one that lasts a second longer than the others, like he’s trying to memorize how you taste.

You head in once Yoongi is out of sight. You lean your body against the door the second you snap the lock shut. You touch your lips lightly, reliving those moments again even though they happened mere seconds ago. You’re buzzing with excitement like a schoolgirl, every feeling coursing through your body all at once. 

You’re familiar with this. It’s the stage right before every love song you listen to suddenly reminds you of that one person.

You go through your regular evening routine with a pep in your step, thanks to a certain date tonight. You take off your carefully applied makeup and take a nice, hot shower. You think the heat would help melt away the high that you’re riding - like you’ve had too much coffee to drink and now your senses are beyond heightened - but it doesn’t. Once you’re fresh and comfortable in your PJs, you still feel that jittery feeling seeping through your pores, keeping you awake. There’s a message from Yoongi that tells you he has made it home safely.

It’s still early, and you’re far too restless to go to bed. You decided to brew yourself a mug of chamomile tea, even though you don’t even like chamomile and you can’t remember why you even have it, but they say that apparently chamomile is good for sleep. You decide to take the mug into the living room to sort through your mini mountain of mail that should’ve been dealt with days ago.

Sitting underneath that pile of junk mail and letters addressed to the previous tenant even though you’ve lived here for nearly two years, is a cream-colored card addressed to you. The material feels smooth under your fingertips, like velvet if that’s even possible. Inside, there are two names - one you recognize and another you don’t - typed out in a fancy calligraphy font and encircled by pretty flowers, all pinks and whites and romantic.

The saccharine sensation associated with the thought of Yoongi dissipates instantly. Instead, your mind blanks, only to buzz to life again momentarily with a newfound sinking feeling dragging you down.

You suddenly realize that Jungkook hasn’t crossed your mind once tonight. Not until now. That crestfallen look in his eyes from the other night appears in your mind again, clear as day.

You are, quite literally, holding someone’s declaration of love and yet, it’s not joy that you feel, having been asked to join them on their special day. 

You never thought you would see Jungkook’s family again - even though you always adored his parents and you felt that they loved you too - let alone receive an invitation to his brother’s wedding.

remember when y'all said u wanted a wedding?? well u didn't say whose wedding 😌

— all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted march 27, 2023]

Well done Jungkook!!! For standing up to his Mum.

Because, I Love You | 09

; Genre: Mild angst

; Word Count: 3k

; Synopsis: According to society, Jeon Jungkook should not be with you. He should be with a younger, hotter and thinner girl instead of wasting his time on you. It’s a good thing Jungkook doesn’t care what society thinks then.

; A/N: Sorry it’s taken so long! This one is from JK’s POV…and we’ll get to see his oh so lovely mom once more! Lemme know what you think by leaving a comment or sending an ask, and please reblog this so more people will get the chance to see it. I’d love to know what you think, and thanks for reading!

; Masterlist

-

Jungkook: I love you

Y/N: I love you? Where did that come from?

Jungkook: Just…wanted to say. Trying to remember that I love my mom too

Y/N: Oh dear

Y/N: What’s she done?

Jungkook: I’ll tell you later

Keep reading

This was a perfect ending. Lots of reflection on both parts. Love Miso, the cat :)

four seven eight (3)

pairing: jungkook x reader

wordcount: 11k

glimpse: now that your month-long break’s over, you’re supposed to come home to jungkook at eight in the morning, right before he wakes up — it’s been two hours now, why are you still not home?

alternatively, jungkook will fight with you even if it’s the last thing he’ll do.

[ part one + intermission + part two + intermission 02 + finale ]

[ fluff, full-fledged redemption arc I Swear, some angst, jealous jk, so much longing, references to anxiety, suggestive themes n flirting, everything gets sorted out, based on the moral dilemma of whether or not it’s okay to be friends with ur ex ]

notes: it’s the finale now can u believe :O thank u for staying tuned for the past two weeks — i sincerely cherish each one of u who’s ever interacted with 478 and took the time to be with me throughout the whole thing!! i’ll be taking a lil break this summer btw see u on the next fic <3

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!! even replying to this post sends me over the moon :) | series masterlist

Keep reading

Ooh Sora was on fire!!! Eunwoo needs some help, but a very tiny part of me feels sorry for him.

four seven eight; intermission 02.

wordcount: 3k

glimpse: sometimes, blood doesn’t have to be thicker than water.

alternatively, sora protects you and jungkook from eunwoo.

[ part one + intermission + part two + intermission 02 + finale ]

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!! even replying to this post sends me over the moon :) | series masterlist

Keep reading

Ooh this one was sad. I genuinely feel sorry for Jungkook now. Also what is going on with Eunwoo???

four seven eight (2)

pairing: jungkook x reader

wordcount: 12k

glimpse: it’s the first fifteen days of your month-long break away from jungkook, and even if you were the one who proposed it, you didn’t think it would be this hard. 

alternatively, jungkook really hopes it’s true that things do get worse before they get better.

[ part one + intermission + part two + intermission 02 + finale ]

[ kinda major angst (it’s heavier than the previous updates), references to anxiety, a lot of crying n drama, a lot more yearning, emotional constipation + tones of regret all throughout, some wholesome moments, character development, redemption arc is starting to peek thru, based on the moral dilemma of whether or not it’s okay to be friends with ur ex ]

notes: part two’s finally out!! this was little more difficult and took longer to write because this would serve as a bridge to the finale :O fair warning that this could be heavier depending on ur tolerance for angst, so pls take a break when you need to <3

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!! even replying to this post sends me over the moon :) | series masterlist

Keep reading

Ok! So mixed feelings here. Just want to bang their heads together.

four seven eight; intermission.

wordcount: 4k

glimpse: you don’t plan on coming home tonight.

alternatively, you and yoongi go out for drinks together.

[ part one + intermission + part two + intermission 02 + finale ]

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!! even replying to this post sends me over the moon :) | series masterlist

Keep reading

Just wow! Ooh this is sooo good. I can't wait to read all the parts. Jungkook WTF!!!

four seven eight

pairing: jungkook x reader

wordcount: 12k

glimpse: you’re secure when it comes to loving jungkook, knowing that your husband loves you beyond words. what you aren’t so secure about is his first love — someone who isn’t you.

alternatively, jungkook’s married to you, but he still celebrates his anniversary with his ex out of sentimentality.

[ part one + intermission + part two + intermission 02 + finale ]

[ major angst (pls take a break when necessary!!), no cheating happens here btw, some rlly cute moments i swear, jk’s a cold lover, emotional constipation + breakdowns, allusions to anxiety + anxiety attacks, self-deprication n loathing, miscommunication, based on the moral dilemma of whether or not it’s okay to be friends with ur ex, eventual redemption in the next parts :) ]

notes: it’s finally out and i can’t wait for you to read!! this piece is my baby, the rightful successor to heartburn <3 i’m aware that the last time i wrote a mini-series it was rlly heavy, but please trust me when i say that this would be lighter <3

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!! even replying to this post sends me over the moon :) | series masterlist

Keep reading

Ooh this is so heartbreaking to read. I feel for OC but I really think there is more going on with Jungkook. I can't help but feel sorry for Jungkook. Hopefully the truth will come out.

Our Time | JJK (Six)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 10.4k

Warnings: ANGSTY chapter ahead. swearing, frustrations of amnesia, detailed descriptions of anxiety and panic attacks, mentions of blood, mentions of child abduction, lots of crying, confrontation, allusions to infidelity within marriage, feelings of betrayal, mention of suicide/death, obvious alcoholism, umm I think that’s it.

a/n: happy valentines day💕 (I haven’t slept yet so its still vday for me hehe) this is not a romantic chapter at all but I hope you still enjoy it. Thanks for those who have been patiently waiting for this chapter since ive been dealing with a lot lately. Well, I hope you guys enjoy and  please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Generally speaking, light can serve as a symbol of life.

When there is light, it touches and beautifully blinds with bright, shimmering hope. But for you, your eyes have cast any ray of shining light away. And your entire view has been enveloped in the arms of darkness.

If light is a symbol of life but you and your soul are being carried on a ferry across the river of Styx towards the underworld…then is it safe to assume you are no longer living?

Have you truly died on the inside?

And this is your stygian reality?

Because now, in your world, light no longer exists.

You’re thankful for those people who know how to naturally calm others down. Those people who remain collected during a crisis. Those people who can snap someone out of there demise even when they’re rattled as well. Those people who remind you to breathe even when they’ve forgotten.

Well, Subin is not one of those people.

“He knows we’re coming, right?” Subin aggressively tries to exit the parking lot of the market, her eyes going everywhere yet you aren’t so sure she’s even seeing properly. 

“I—I talked to the nurse, s-she said to come now. The doctor should be free…fuck, I hope.” You look out the window, your head spinning while your chest grows tighter and tighter. 

Breathing with calm, even breaths is hard. 

It’s even harder because Subin is tense, her fingers wrapped tightly around the steering wheel as she tries to catch her own breath.

She’s always been the type to cry when others cry. Panic when other’s panic. So on and so forth.

You try your hardest to take a breath before speaking, “Can you drive?” You rest the side of your head against the window, your vision looking blurrier and darker. “J-Just pull ov—”

“—Shit, I’m so sorry, y/n.” Subin’s voice shakes, her eyes trying so hard to stay focused on the road. “I’m okay. I’m okay. You’re okay?” She quickly glances at you, “You’re okay, right?”

You rest your palm against your rapid heart, eyes squeezing shut at the pain and discomfort your chest is feeling. You need to breathe. Relax. 

“I-I’m fine.” You say as composed as you possibly can. “Water? Water? Do you…do you have water in here…?” You tiredly lean your head back, chest rising and falling quickly. “I feel sick.”

“Sick?” Subin clears her throat, though she’s panicking herself, she tries to get her shit together. “Like how?” She glances at you again, “I think there’s a bag behind your seat. Throw up in it if you need to….”

“Water, Subin.” You feel your throat closing in on you, “Do you have—”

“—Um,” Subin keeps one hand on the steering wheel while the other frantically feels the sides and below her car seat. “I think there’s a bottle…” She continues to search, the car slightly swerving but you hardly notice. “Here!”

You manage to open your eyes, sudden relief filling your veins when you see a half empty bottle of water. Subin pushes it towards you before she’s urging you to have some.

“Drink slowly.” She keeps a worried eye on you while driving as quickly as she can to the hospital. 

The moment water begins trickling down your throat, you feel the dizziness that’s consumed you start to subside.

With half of that bottle of water in your system, your vision is less blurry and less dark.

Literally speaking, darkness doesn’t have a veil over your eyes any longer.

But figuratively speaking, not even an ounce of light shines in your world at all.

You still can’t breathe. Because how could you?

How could you with the knowledge you currently have?

You’re convinced you’re having a heart attack…Doctor Lee, however, isn’t convinced about that.

“You’re just panicking.” He tells you softly, his eyes trained on your expressions. “It’s okay. This is completely normal, y/n.”

You quickly shake your head, refusing to accept that it’s only your emotions here that are the problem.

“This is normal…” He reminds you again, a gentle hand patting your back. “Once you accept that this is normal, it’ll get easier to control it. You’re overwhelmed and that’s okay.”

“I-I can’t breathe.” You manage to tell him, fingers tugging at the collar of your shirt. You wish you could tear off your clothes, your skin, all the feelings that bombard you.

“You can breathe.” Doctor Lee brings his hand towards his own body, he motions upward now with both hands as he urges you to inhale deeply. “You’re breathing right now. You’ve been breathing this whole time…even when it was hard, you’re still breathing, y/n.”

He’s…right. Since the market, since the car, since waiting for Doctor Lee to show up in this tiny room—you’ve been breathing the entire time.

You try to nod, swallowing hard but it hurts. 

Actually, it seems the physical pain is disappearing while emotional pain begins to sink it’s teeth into you. Pain is pain, you realize. 

“Good,” Doctor Lee keeps his focus on you, “Can you give me a deep breath?”

You nod, trying your hardest to inhale a breath but it’s sharp and poisoned.

Your eyes slam shut, your entire body closing in on itself. 

“Try to let go of a long breath for me,” Doctor Lee’s voice is soothing, “Feel everything. Gather all of it…and let it go with a long, long breath. Can you do that?”

Feel everything and let it go? How could you do that?

“I can’t.” You shake your head, eyes still slammed shut. “I just can’t.”

“You can.” He tells you, voice still calm. “I’m not asking you to sort through all your emotions right now and just let them go. No,” Doctor Lee sighs out for a moment before he’s pulling his chair out right in front of you and taking a seat. “I’m just asking you to recognize you have them and release them for a moment. That way you can gain more strength for when you eventually have to grab them again. You can’t get stronger if the panic you feel burdens you, y/n. Let’s breathe…” 

You open your teary eyes, teeth digging into your bottom lip as harsh breaths make your entire body grow weaker. Doctor Lee looks pleased just at the fact you’ve opened your eyes. He nods his head with a tender smile before he starts breathing with you. In and out. Slow and rest assuring. 

You aren’t sure how long it takes for you to have calm breaths again.

Doctor Lee doesn’t rush you. He gives you time and space to collect yourself. He’s aware that you are here because some memories have flooded your brain. And he’s aware that it had you drowning. He has told you countless times to reach out to him the moment something like this begins. You guess he anticipated this kind of reaction. 

“Just in case, I still want to run some tests. I’ll get nurse Choi to do labs.” Doctor Lee is scribbling onto his clipboard, but his eyes are still on you. “I know today has been scary for you but I’m sure your results will be fine. It’s always better to be a little more precautious, don’t you think?”

Your limbs are weak, draped over this uncomfortable chair as you give Doctor Lee a noncommittal nod. All of your energy has been drained from your body. Leaving you weak and helpless.

Doctor Lee’s pen comes to a slow stop, his lips turning down as he eyes you. “Hey,” He calls out slowly, your eyes barely lifting to him. “I’m afraid it’s going to be like this…overwhelming. Scary. Emotionally, physically draining.”

You stare at him with empty eyes.

“But this is a good sign, y/n….” He says and you can tell he isn’t necessarily happy to say it. “Your memories are in there and they’re going to start leaking out…and it won’t always be easy.”

You muster what little energy you have to scoff to yourself, “No kidding.”

“It just…it means that the chances of all your memory returning is a lot greater. They can all return to you.” He says much softer. You don’t respond though, making Doctor Lee sigh out in defeat before he’s placing the clipboard down. “This first time will probably be the hardest. It’s the first time you’re receiving new information.”

Your eyes meet his when he says that. Your brows slowly pull together as you think about it. “Well, kind of.” You admit to him. “I remembered a cat…” the space between your eyebrows creases further as you try to make things make sense in your head. “Actually…I have a question.”

Doctor Lee nods immediately, his attentive eyes on you. “What is it?”

“Is it possible to remember some things but not others?” You ask, but shake your head as soon as you ask it. “I mean…for example, I remember a cat that I shouldn’t remember. I only remember the cat though. I don’t remember anything else about the timeline of this cats life. You know, the things happening around this cat.”

Doctor Lee furrow his own brows, trying his best to make sense of what you’re asking.

You try to explain further, “I remember this cat. But I don’t remember that at the same time as this cat, I was also married.”

It seems it finally clicks, his mouth falling a little open as he nods. “I understand.”

“It’s just…the thing I remembered today…I remember certain details but there’s so much still missing.” You pause, the gloomy pressure once again in your chest but you take a deep breath. “Is it…” You meet Doctors Lee’s gaze again. “Is it possible that my brain blocked out an entire person in my memory? But I…” You can feel the tightness returning. “I….I have memory of this person existing within things but I don’t have actualrecollection of this per—person.” 

You shouldn’t feel ashamed the moment you see Doctor Lee’s eyes fill with pity.

“You know,” He clears his throat, blinking away the pity he feels for you. “The brain is truly such a complex thing. Your memories might come to you with no warning and things might not always make sense. Eventually, you might be able to piece some together. And yeah, I’d say it’s entirely possible not to have all the knowing details when you remember an event.”

“Then—”

“—But don’t be discouraged that things will always stay that way. Like you’re going to live your life solving some puzzle.”

Your eyes sting the moment he says that. You’re realizing how true that feels for you…like you’re just a player apart of some game. But you aren’t even sure you have all the puzzle pieces to even play. 

“As overwhelming as it is, this is a good sign. Your memories will most likely return. And maybe even soon.”

You realize he’s saying this as if it’s a positive. 

But you aren’t so sure that you even want them to return anymore.

“It might take Nurse Choi a little while to get your labs started…she’s doing some rounds right now.” Doctor Lee takes a look at his watch, “But I can grab your friend from the waiting room if you’d like me to? You’d be less bored waiting in here.” He smiles.

Though you cannot return his smile, you agree.

~

You know Subin is in this tiny room with you. You watched when one of the nurses brought her in. But even still, you jump in your chair when she calls out for you. Her worried eyes glued to you but you’ve barely noticed. Too busy sorting through the things you’ve seen in your head.

“Are you…” Subin’s voice is delicate over the harsh and rough thumping of your heartbeat. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

You are okay. Because you weren’t experiencing a heart attack.

But are you okay? No, not at all.

You keep staring at nothing and Subin can do nothing but worry in the chair next to you. Her eyes anxiously darting around while you tap your foot against the floor impatiently. 

“y/n…” Subin says your name softly, her concern overflowing. “You—”

“—Exactly.” You give a curt nod, “They must be real.”

Subin frowns when she realizes you aren’t listening to her.

“They have to be real because…” You tear your gaze away from the abyss and bore your eyes into Subin’s. “She said my name, Subin.”

Subin tilts her head, gears working in her head but her confusion only grows. “What?”

“I just…” You drop your eyes back to the floor, focusing on nothing again. “I keep thinking that maybe my brain is making up the things I saw in my head.” You say quietly, your words feeling heavy on your tongue. “It wouldn’t be a first time…” You try to reason, more to yourself. You recall the boat, the lake, the scream, the shadow…what was real and what wasn’t? “I keep trying to think that my brain is just throwing out theories again.”

Subin shifts in the uncomfortable chair, “What…what do you mean?”

You sigh, a hand rubbing at your face tiredly. “I’m thinking of reasons.”

“Reasons?”

You drop your hand to your lap, an uneasy expression falling over your face as you glance at your friend. “A reason not to hate Jungkook.” 

Subin’s eyebrows immediately pinch together, “W-Why?”

You close your eyes for a moment, trying your best to take a deep breath. You hate that your heart feels miserable in your body right now. It’s screaming and it’s crying. Your heart’s loud, pathetic sobs are bouncing off the walls of your ribcage and you don’t know what to do to put it to rest. 

“I have nothing.” You whisper. A heavy feeling begins clinging to you like a cloak you cannot shrug off. “I have no excuses for him.” Your voice cracks, eyes still closed. “I know why I blame him for Haru and I know why we divorced.”

“What? Why?” Subin is suddenly more alert. You hear the way her chair screeches across the tile as she brings herself closer to you. “Are you sure? What…what is it?”

You finally open your eyes, head tilted back as you stare up at the ceiling now. “Nabi.”

It’s silent for a moment. You wonder if Subin heard you or not so you finally turn your head to face her but she looks even more confused.

“Nabi?” She finally gets the name out in question. She tries to think about it but after a moment she gives up. “Who’s that?”

“The girl from that café you like.” You tell her, “She was our server the first time we went together.” 

Subin sits back in her chair, her brain trying to understand what you’re saying. “Okay…a girl from the café is why—”

“—I knew I knew her.” You cut her off, eyes going back to nothing as you focus on Nabi. “She was so familiar and I had no clue why. But she said we didn’t know each other. And I am almost so certain she never heard my name.”

Subin shakes her head, leaning towards you. “And then what?”

“Then I ran into her at the store and I saw so many things.” You get the words out quickly and stop just as fast. You saw a lot of things. Too many things. “I…” You try to speak again but your throat is burning and you heart is crying again.

“You think she had something to do with Haru?” Subin asks you, concern clear in her voice. 

“I…” You pause again. Your chest is feeling tight all over again but you can’t risk losing your ability to breathe now. “She also has to do with my failing marriage.” You keep your eyes low.

“Your marr…” Subin’s words get quieter before her hand goes to your shoulder, “Are you saying that Jungkook knows her?”

You scoff, trying your best to remain calm. But your voice betrays you, “Considering he was cheating on me with her then yeah, I-I would say so.” 

You’re startled when Subin is standing from her chair, concerned eyes forcing themselves to you, “Woah, woah. You don’t really think…” She shakes her head, rejecting the entire idea. “No, you are not saying Jungkook—”

“—I don’t want to be saying that, Subin.” You snap at her, your eyes growing watery as your voice shakes. “But that’s what I’ve—I’ve seen. M-my brain showed me so much and that’s why I…why I keep thinking maybe they aren’t actual memories. That I don’t actually know her.” You feel you are starting to lose control again, your breaths coming out faster. “But Subin,” Your face twists and your heartache is seen. “She said my name. She knows my name. She knows who I am.” 

Subin takes a seat again, unsure of what to say.

“If we know each other…then it means maybe what I saw was…” You swallow hard but not choking on your words is fucking hard. “It was m-maybe real then.”

“But I mean…are you really sure though?” Subin rests a hand over your shoulder. “I’m sorry but…is what you’re seeing…you know, reliable?”

You feel yourself grow weak and small in this chair. Your body slumping over and slightly sliding down as you try to think of a proper response.

“I mean,” Subin’s fingers give you a comforting squeeze, “I’m not saying we shouldn’t trust what you’ve seen…but it’s a tricky situation.”

You know you are dying inside. Truly, even if a flickering light that might have been keeping you alive until this moment has shut off. Because you wish you could agree with her and let that thought alone comfort you. But again, you aren’t ignorant. And you won’t start now.

“No, they’re memories.” You tell her, eyes on the ground. “I know they are. I feel them.”

Subin’s hand drops from your shoulder, a sad and soft ‘oh’ spills quietly from her mouth. 

You try to straighten up in the chair, letting a deep sigh roll off your body. “But until I talk to Jungkook…I can’t really confirm it. Even though I know. I need to talk to him.”

“Can I…” Subin scoots her chair closer to you again, the legs pushed against the legs of your chair. “Can I ask what you saw? Why you think that…that Jungkook was having an affair? And what does it…” She softly trails off, her voice clearly unsure.

“And what it has to do with Haru?” You finally face your friend with sad, blood shot eyes. “He was with herwhen Haru was supposed to get p-picked up.” You continue to stare at Subin, her heart breaking when she sees how you try to hold back tears. “Isn’t it crazy that I know that? That I know about Haru? But I don’t fucking…” You stop when your throat burns too much, words refusing to leave your mouth. You fight through it regardless and finish what you are saying with broken words and a broken heart. “B-But I don’t f-fucking know him?”  

Subin eyes you with pity and you’re sure you’ve received this all before.

“I remember seeing them together. Multiple o-occasions.” You admit to your friend, voice shaky. “It’s hard to tell though…from my memory if it was in person or pictures, videos, I don’t know. I know I confronted him and he just…” Your expression twists miserably. “He could n-never prove to me that my assumptions weren’t—weren’t right.”

“But that doesn’t me—”

“—M-Motel rooms…so many f-fucking secrets, Subin.” You finally properly choke on your words because of a quiet sob in your throat. “A pregnancy test?”

“A what?” Subin’s face falls, “A preg—no, maybe you—”

“As much as I want to believe Jungkook w-wouldn’t…” You slam your eyes shut and finally, several warm tears manage to fall from your closed lids. “But there is so much evidence against him and he could n-never fucking prove...”

“Okay, okay.” Subin’s sweet voice turns even more soothing, her hand returning to your shoulder. “I’m so sorry, y/n.” She whispers, “Seriously…I wish this wasn’t…”

“No,” You straighten up again, your hands desperately wiping at your face. “I won’t mourn y-yet when I haven’t talked to Jungkook.” 

Because somehow…even with your bones screaming the truth at you.

You still want to believe in him.

At least until you are forced not to.

~~~

Subin parks right in front of your house, her worried eyes going between you and Jungkook’s car that is also parked here. 

“We left for the grocery store and came back emptyhanded…” Subin nibbles her lips, her concern growing. “What if he’s like ‘why don’t you have my chips?’ or something…” 

You slowly turn your head to eye Subin, eyes narrowing at her before you deadpan, “Then I’ll just ask him why he cheated on me.” 

Subin’s mouth immediately falls open.

“Or something.” You say before unbuckling your seatbelt. “Anyway, thanks for taking me to the hospital…might end up there again,” You glance out the window towards your home. “Depending how this conversation goes…” 

“y/n…” Subin’s hand lands on your shoulder, stopping you from opening the passenger door to get out, “I just…want to say again how sorry I feel…” Her hand slowly drops when she notices your distant gaze and then she quietly clears her throat. “I hope it’s not what you think but regardless…I’m here for you.”

You finally meet her eye and you can see her sincerity but the best you can do for her right now is give her a small nod of appreciation before you’re opening the door. 

And even though the car door feels heavier than you recall, you still get it open. But your body almost refuses to move. Once again, your brain is sending signals. Telling your body not to go in there. Because you won’t like it. Your brain, mocking you again. Keeping secrets from you because it’s playing some kind of sick and twisted game. 

You’d think your brain was helping you, because of all the signals, but you know that isn’t the case. You know it’s just trying to get a scare out of you because why else would it keep your memories away if not to play with you?

“Hey,” Subin calls out softly, “You can do this…”

And she’s right. You can.

~

Walking through your front door, you have to keep reminding yourself silently over and over to stay strong. Though the urge to break down, falling to the floor while misery consumes you wholly is strong but you don’t. Because you can’t. It would be a bit premature to have the full on meltdown your body is begging for because you still need to face Jungkook.

The moment you close the front door and begin slipping your shoes off, your nose is suddenly invaded with a savory aroma. You glance up, eyes in the direction of the kitchen when you finally realize Jungkook must be cooking. It smells good, you guess. But no matter what is cooking in the kitchen, it’s not good enough to take away any of the pain you are currently feeling.

“y/n?” You hear your name being called. Jungkook’s voice is one you’re used to, one you find comfort in, one you love—so why did you flinch? Why is your body warning you? Signals from your brain again? That fucking dickhead brain of yours. You stand up straight again, eyes still in the direction of the kitchen when you try to take one long, deep breath. 

“y/n!” You flinch again. Frozen in your spot, unable to make your feet mood forward. You stare at the wall ahead and anticipate Jungkook turning the corner and seeing you. You anticipate seeing his face and you anticipate the instant dread you will feel upon seeing him. 

“y/n!” He sings your name cutely this time. 

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

You finally let out an incredibly shallow breath because Jungkook finally appears from the kitchen, his face lit up in excitement when he meets your eye. 

“Hey!” He walks towards you, his hand sliding across the top of the sofa as he gets closer, his eyes glancing around. “Subin in the bathroom or something?”

You need to breathe.

“—Well, since you’re making me my favorite homemade cookies,” He continues chatting with a grin, excited glint so obvious in his eyes. “Which are a dessert. I figured I could make dinner.” He turns to look towards the kitchen, sheepish expression on his face. “I’ve made this dish a hundred times but…” He turns to meet your eye again, his hand lifting to scratch the back of his neck, “Only after we were married. So it will be new for you. But um,” He looks down, sheepish smile still on his face. “It’s actually Haru’s favorite.” 

You haven’t moved a single muscle. 

You haven’t said a word.

You have barely had an audible breath.

Still, Jungkook looks happy in his own world when he brings up your son.

Your son that you can’t even remember. 

“I figure I could share some more stories tonight…about us, Haru…” Jungkook keep his eyes on his feet, still scratching the back of his neck. Almost looking shy. “Well, of course if you think you c…could…” Jungkook trails off when he finally lifts his eyes towards you but he isn’t met with same you that left for the store a few hours ago. He’s met with a you that he almost recognizes. Like he’s seen this expression before. On the you, that only he really knows.

“y/n?” His brows slightly pinch together, confusion draping over his features. “Are you…” He glances around again, “Where’s Subin? And where’s the things from the store?” 

Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.

You didn’t realize you were capable of being a coward.

You want to move your feet. You want to open your mouth to speak. Hell, you want to blink. But you aren’t capable of anything. Except being a fucking coward. 

Because you are afraid. You’re terrified. For more reasons than you can count. 

You’re imprisoned, once again.

“Hey,” Jungkook studies your face, his concern evident. “What’s going on?” 

Feeling a bit hesitant, Jungkook still walks closer to you. His concern only growing because you still don’t move, you still don’t make a sound, you still stare at him with wide eyes. 

You stare at him and you only have one repeated thought that wanders around in your head. How easy would it be? How easy would it be to live ignorantly? The thing you have always refused to do. How easy would it be? How easy would it be to pretend your ‘memories’ are just theories that you brain is throwing out for fun? How easy to only trust Jungkook. And not yourself. 

“y/n…” Jungkook’s eyes fill with worry. “Are you…” He lifts a hand towards you and you watch as it rises towards your face but your entire body jolts when you hear a loud slapping sound. Your dry lips finally part and you’re blinking repeatedly. You shoot your eyes to Jungkook’s face, only to see his expression completely twisted. 

He stands frozen in front of you, hand still hangs in the air as his eyebrows pull together and his jaw hangs slack. 

Your eyes go from his face to his hand when you lower your eyes to stare at your own hand.

You slapped his hand away. 

Your brain sent signals to your body and that was the result.

So, no. To answer your question—it wouldn’t be fucking easy.

You both stand here, shocked by your own action. 

Jungkook’s confusion only grows deeper, his hand slowly lowering to his side again when he takes a small step back. “Oh.” He says softly, the hurt is in his voice and it makes you wince. Or cringe. You aren’t sure which. 

You try to open your mouth so words can force their way out but instead you notice the feeling of pins and needles start to poke at your skin. Your fingers, your toes, your lips. Confused, you bring your fingers to your mouth, fingers barely grazing over your bottom lip where it tingles uncomfortably. You drop your hand, curling your fingers in and out as you try to make sense of what’s happening. 

You stare down at yourself, your chest rising and falling quickly.

When did you start breathing again?

And when did you start breathing this rapidly?

You glance around, feeling trapped because you’re sure this room is closing in on you. Everything is beginning to feel close and suffocating, like the walls are inching closer and closer, caging you in so you can suffer. Harsh, heavy breaths are pushing past your lips now. Panicked eyes going everywhere but Jungkook. Your throat…it’s closing in on you. Just like your walls. Your throat is growing smaller and smaller, your hands quickly flying to your neck and chest, as you touch yourself desperately. 

“y/n.” Jungkook is in front of you again, his eyes totally focused on you and his worried eyes grow antsier. “Hey, what is happening?” His voice sounds rushed, panicked even. “Talk to me.”

You can’t talk though. You can’t swallow your own spit. You can’t even breathe. 

“y/n.” Jungkook reaches for you again, both his hands on your arms but you flinch immediately, your blown out eyes landing on him when you shove him off.

“Don’t fucking touch me!” You scream out, voice shrill and uneven. “D-Don’t fucking touch me, Jungkook.” You take several wobbly steps back, your breaths still rough and rapid. 

Jungkook’s hands hang in the air, holding nothing but the ghost of your body he once knew. 

His eyes are boring into the empty space and you see how utterly hurt he looks. 

But you don’t have it in yourself to feel compassion for his confusion. Because right now, you only see Nabi’s face in your mind, along with Jungkook’s right next to her. 

You wish you could control how your mind and body are feeling right now because if it were up to you, you would be calm and confronting Jungkook with ease because you are supposed to trust him. But you can’t control your anxiety, your panic or your dread.

Slowly lowering his arms, Jungkook tries to find your eyes with his and you notice the fear plaguing them. “y/n…” He tries your name, the word falling soft and cautious from his lips. “What’s going on?”

You squeeze your eyes shut for a moment, tingly lips and fingers making you feel even more strange as quick breaths force their way out of you. You need to relax. Fucking relax. You need to get it together so you can dismiss the images in your brain and fall into the arms of the man in front of you because you love him and you trust him. That’s right. Get this conversation over with so you can move on. Because surely, your brain is wrong.

“Um,” You pry your eyes open but your vision is a bit blurry from unfallen tears. “Okay…” You take several deep breaths, trying your hardest so you’ll be able to speak.

“Take your time.” Jungkook says in a whisper. “It’s okay. You’re okay.”

You will be okay. You hope.

“Jungkook.” Your chest still rises and falls with each deep breath. “I-I have to…” You pause, tongue darting out to lick your dry lips. “I…I ran into Nabi at the store.”

Your words aren’t rushed as you say them, in fact, everything feels slow. Even Jungkook’s eyes widening and the fear inside them only grow fiercer seems to happen slowly. Like, the world around you is in slow motion until suddenly it’s not. Jungkook’s eyes quickly shoot down to the wooden floors as you see his mind working in overdrive.

“I know who she is.” You find the courage to say, “I ran into her before…she s-seemed familiar. But today, I suddenly got mem—”

“—What did you see?” Jungkook quickly looks at you again, panic written all over his face. “You probably didn’t—”

“—Did you cheat on…did you ch…” You stop, the words too painful as they sit on your tongue like a knife slicing it apart. “J-Jungkook were you having an—”

“—No!” Jungkook suddenly walks closer to you, his hands desperate to reach for you but he doesn’t. Perhaps, he’s afraid you’ll slap them away again. “Fuck, y/n, I—”

You see his anxiety clear as day and somehow it only makes you feel worse. Your breaths grow slower and something close to despair throws its arms around you and holds you close. “Jungkook,” You don’t want to ask it. You don’t want the answer. “Were…were you with her when Haru was taken?”

Jungkook’s rolls his lips until they’re set in a firm line across his face, his eyes closing for a brief moment and you notice regret sticking to him. 

“Were you?” You repeat.

He opens his eyes again and with a quiet voice, he finally responds. “Yes.”

You suck in a sharp breath, but you try to remain as calm as possible. “Okay.” You give a curt nod, “And…have you gone to motels with her?”

He glances up briefly,  jaw clenching, “Yes.”

A stab to your chest, “Okay. B-Before Haru was taken…were…” Your throat burns like acid sticks to the walls, “Were we having problems in our m-marriage?”

Jungkook’s expression twists, scrunching in panic, perhaps. “Yes.” He admits with a shaky voice. 

You give a small nod before asking the question that makes or breaks this. “Were you seeing her because of a case?”

Jungkook immediately looks at you, wide, panicked eyes and you see how they fill with tears. His mouth drops open but only a shallow breath comes out. You wait for his answer. Need his answer. He quickly shuts his mouth, head turning to the side as you see him struggle to even look at you now, “No.” He finally says, the word pushed out as if he was in agony. And maybe he is. 

He said no. 

And just like that, you have your answer. Just like the past, he offers nothing more to ease your mind. No proof that there isn’t an affair happening. You stare at him. Lips parted and eyes blinking slowly. 

Your breaths are calm. But you feel weak. Like his simple answer drained every bit of life out of your body. You almost wish you could scream, cry or even through something from the rage that must be inside you. 

But it feels like there is nothing inside you. 

This betrayal only has you feeling empty.

“You…” Your voice cracks, thick tears bubbling over and falling from your eyes. “You were…”

“y/n.” Jungkook finally looks at you again and he sounds terrified. “Please, please, I am begging you, to please trust—”

“—Trust you? Fine.” You cry out, “Tell me exactly what was going on then. Tell—Tell me everything!” You take a step forward, your voice clearly begging. “Explain the fuck-fucking situation, Jungkook. So I can fucking believe you.” 

Jungkook stares at you, confliction in his eyes like how you’ve gotten used to. 

“You can’t, right?” You scoff, tears wetting your warm cheeks. “You couldn’t then either. Y-You just can’t fucking tell me the truth, right?”

Jungkook finally breaks. His lips twisting, eyes shutting in frustration and you see his own tears. “y/n please…” He begs too, his hands going to his face, rubbing his tired eyes. “Fuck, please…you need to just….y/n…please just,” He chokes on his words, a quiet sob in his throat. “I can’t d-do this again, please…I can’t do this y/n.” He cries into his hands. “I fucking can’t. I can’t. Fuck fucking everything.” 

You watch as he cries for himself. Feeling bad for himself. Pity for himself. Instead of being honest with you, he does this. 

“Please trust me. Don’t trust what you’re see—”

“—You’re asking me to trust you but not myself?” You ask in almost disbelief. You might not remember everything but it seems your feelings from that time are still so alive inside you. And that’s what you’re going to trust. “You want me to believe you but not believe prior accident me? That d-doesn’t sit right with me.” You tell him. 

“y/n…” He wipes at his eyes and his nose before trying to look at you, eyes afraid and pathetic, “Please don’t do this again…I can’t do this without you again,” He shakes his head, bottom lip quivering. “Please, my love.” 

You take a step back, feeling overwhelmed. “D-Don’t call me that.”

It feels strange to be called that by him. Strange yet familiar. And you thought the oddness that accompanied the term of endearment is because you just aren’t used to it yet. But really it’s because he isn’t supposed to be calling you that. Not anymore.

Your teeth dig into your bottom lip, not an ounce of pain felt. “You know,” You cry out in a whisper, “I don’t remember everything. But,” You try to speak through your tears. “But this heartache feels all too familiar. You need to leave…”

And somehow the despair in Jungkook’s eyes and the terror and look of defeat on his face also feel all too familiar. 

Because you have both been through this before already.

~~~

It’s been a week since running into Nabi and confronting Jungkook. A week since you’ve cried. A week since you’ve felt anything rumbling inside your body. A week since you’ve left your house. A week since you’ve ate a proper meal. A week since you’ve felt anything beyond an empty despair. 

Lying in bed at dawn, you lazily poke at Haru’s robot, the cold plastic on your fingertips. You poke it in the chest, over and over, soft yet determined.

“Do you have a heart in there?” You quietly ask it, somehow disappointed when it doesn’t answer you. “You…” You softly grip the toy, bringing it closer to your chest when you sigh out. “You don’t sleep either, right?”

And in the last week, the only one you’ve really talked to is this robot. Haru’s robot. You believe the comfort you feel from talking and holding this toy is because deep down you feel its familiarity with it being your sons. But also, you find yourself relating to this robot. Both empty, skin cold like plastic and neither of you having the ability to sleep. Only the option to ‘shut down’. 

You glance towards the window, the sun rising again like it always does. And you wish it didn’t. You don’t want to see the sun, you don’t want to see any light. How could the world keep on going when for you, personally, it’s ended. 

Your phone has been going off all week, your friends and parents expressing their concern for your quiet mood. Your parents don’t necessarily know what’s going on but Misuk and Subin have a better idea, considering Subin was there for the first half. You have asked for space and you’ve manage to let them know every night that you’re still here. Even when you kind of don’t want to be.

Jungkook hasn’t reached out even once. 

You don’t want to talk to him but the fact that he’s quiet…it feels even more solidifying that he’s guilty. 

And the fact your heart is broken beyond repair and it is so completely familiar to you…tells you he’s been guilty since then.

It hurts. It hurts more than you ever thought possible. Because even with missing memories, you feel how badly this hurts. Even though you don’t fully recall your actual relationship, you feel it. How real it was. How beautiful it was. How tragic it was. 

You can feel the pain as if you actually never forgot it.

And that’s why you’re choosing to trust yourself.

You barely react when your phone goes off, eyes lazily sliding over to the device that lays abandoned on the other side of the bed. You debate checking it. But for whatever reason, you reach for it and see it’s only a text from Misuk asking if you’re free today. 

You aren’t necessarily ready to face anyone quite yet but still, you tell her yes. You have received a few more memories that you’re piecing together like a jumbled up story and you’d like to talk about them.

~

“Are you…” Misuk eyes you over, pity all over her face as she leans back into the sofa, “You know, eating?”

“Sometimes.” You shrug, “I made an iced coffee today if that counts.”

“It doesn’t.” Misuk sighs out, “Why don’t I order us something? Subin should be here any second so I don’t want to ask her to pick something up when she’s this close by.”

“If you’re hungry, sure.” You shrug again. You keep your eyes lowered, fingers picking at your cuticles. 

It’s only a few minutes later when Subin has joined you and Misuk on the couch. Her antsy hands running up and down her thighs as she waits for you to answer her question.

“So?” She softly urges you to respond.

“Yeah,” You reply quietly, eyes on your lap as you look completely detached from the conversation. “My memories were right, I guess.”

You hear Subin release a long breath before she curses, “Shit…”

You shrug, “I guess my miserable life before the accident continues, huh?” You chuckle bitterly, eyes losing focus on anything.

“At first you were.” Misuk whispers, “But lately you had gotten…I don’t know, maybe—”

“—Well, I’m actually probably more miserable than before. Because I have to rediscover everything and feel each little thing…one,” You start picking at your cuticles again, “By one.”

“y/n…” You can hear the pity in Subin’s voice.

“And this time, instead of feeling upset about my probably dead child, I can just feel guilty for not even remembering him. Mother of the year.” You rip back a piece of skin from the corner of your pinky, blood immediately pooling but you don’t care. You move to the next finger. 

“y/n.” Misuk says your name in shock, “You don’t believe that for one second.”

You snap your head up, “Believe what?”

“That Haru is—”

“—I don’t even fucking know him.” You spit out. “And maybe it’s best that I never—”

“—You don’t mean that!” Subin cuts in, a soft disappointment in her voice. “I know this is hard and…” She stops talking when you narrow your eyes at her.

“You know how hard this is? Oh, do you?” Your lips turn up at the corner before you nod your head, “This happened to you before? You know what I’m going through?”

“Hey,” Misuk’s voice is scolding, “You know what Subin means.”

“Do I?” You scoff. “Let’s be honest guys,” You look between the two of them. “Do either of you even know me anymore? Do I even know you anymore? You said it yourself,” You look back down to your hands, “We barely speak anymore.”

“We barely speak because of you.” Misuk points out coldly, “You shut us out. And you’re trying to do it again! Like, wow here we go again.”

Your brow arches, almost looking amused. “Again?” You spit the word out. “Well, sorry Misuk, sorry that things fucking suck and I’m not here smiling for you. Again. I barely recall the first time this all happened and you’re mad I’m fucking reacting. Mad that I’m mad. I’m sad. I’m fucking heartbroken!” You cry out the last line. “I love you but maybe let’s not act like a bitch when neither of you know what the fuck I’m going through, hm?” You raise your brows at her with icy eyes. 

Misuk’s brows furrow but you see something flash across her face. It’s not anger. You don’t even think she’s offended. Instead you see understanding. She slowly nods her head, glancing at Subin before she clears her throat. “Okay, I’m sorry.” She says quietly, “You’re right…you’re totally right and I’m sorry. I guess…” She pauses.

“We just miss you, y/n.” Subin continues for Misuk, “We’re afraid to lose you again. That’s all. But you’re right, you shouldn’t have to act like everything is okay when it’s not.”

Misuk nods, eyes searching for yours, “And it’s not.” She says softly, “I really am sorry.”

You continue to stare down at your lap, lips pressed into one another. 

“If you’re able…why don’t you tell us what you do remember?” Misuk tries to get you to open up again instead of shutting down. You know this. You want to answer…it’s why you let them come over in the first place.

You nod, eyes still lowered. “Okay.”

Subin reaches over and gives your shoulder a squeeze, “Whatever feels manageable. Don’t push yourself too much.”

Finally lifting your eyes towards your friends, you decide to fill them in. “I’ve been remembering a few things.” You admit. “Not actual memories? I don’t know how to explain it. Not…you know, movie scenes in my head but I remember certain things because it’s like…I just know.  Does…does that make sense? No, it probably doesn’t, right?” 

“Like you’re remembering facts rather than images?” Misuk asks and you immediately nod your head quickly.

“Yes!” You say with a bit of enthusiasm. “That’s exactly it. So, basically…just things I know about our—Jungkook and I’s—marriage.”

“Oh.” Subin’s eyes are eager to know more.

“Misuk was right. It was rocky.”

“I knew it.” Misuk curses, “You never really outright said it but…I kind of figured. You never were the type to admit something like that since you’re the type to solve things by yourself.” 

“I guess I didn’t really solve anything.” You feel your body grow heavier. “I asked Jungkook if things were rough before and he admitted that it was. Since then, it’s like little facts are showing up in my brain out of nowhere…like his admission unlocked some part of my memories or something…”

“Were you two just fighting a lot?” Subin asks.

You try to think about it. It’s not like you remember a specific argument but you know the answer is yes. “Yeah.”

“But you think he was having an affair with…” Misuk glances at Subin, “What was her name again?”

“Nabi.” You say. “But our problems were starting before that, I think. I know we were fighting all the time. I just know. I also know he was keeping things from me. He was barely home anymore and I felt…” You chew on your lips, unsure of what exactly it was since you don’t know everything. But one word keeps popping up in your mind. “Unfulfilled.” You say, the word somehow resonating with you like you’ve said it before.

“Yeah.” Misuk agrees quietly, “You mentioned something like that in the past…way before Haru’s kidnapping.”

“Misuk,” You suddenly find her eyes, “Why did I lead you to believe Jungkook was wronging me somehow?”

“You mentioned someone else.” She tells you, “But you didn’t give me any detail. But you were so…sureabout something and I believed you. Your expression.” Misuk frowns, “I knew something serious must have had occurred because I had never seen you like that.”

You glance back down at your lap, your focus on your hands again. “I see.” Then you lift your eyes again, “I remember that at that time I was suspicious of Jungkook. Of the affair. I know I dug deeper and found things that I wish I never had…” You recall the memories that hit you at the market. “Eventually I confronted him and just like now, he was unable to give me an explanation. And I was right.”

“Fuck, I’m sorry.” Misuk huffs out, eyes going to the ceiling. “That’s terr—”

“—And he was with her. When Haru was taken. I don’t know how I know, but he was supposed to be picking Haru up from daycare. I don’t know why I wasn’t able to but I know that it was something I needed from him…something for him to do to make me feel like he was a part of this family. But he failed.” Your words grow quieter with each syllable. “And I know that for the first time in my life,” You stare at nothing, eyes growing watery. “That I hated someone. With my entire being.” 

It's quiet. Neither of your friends having the courage to say anything to your words. 

You try to clear your throat and blink back any tears in your eyes before looking at them again, “But still, so much doesn’t make sense and there’s so much still missing.” You feel your heart grow weaker as you chuckle humorlessly, “And Jungkook hasn’t tried to reach out to me even once…which just feels like more proof.” 

“I can’t imagine Jungkook even looking at someone who isn’t you…” Subin whispers, “He…well, I guess we don’t ever really know what goes on. I find it hard to hate him but seeing what he’s done to—"

“—I know I truly hated him then.” You cut her off with a shaky voice. “And I think I hate him now, too. But,” You search both of your friends eyes with desperation so depressing, “If I hate him this much it’s because I also,” You choke, “Love him this much too, right?” You ask the question so innocently and delicately as your voice cracks.

 You let yourself feel your own question and for the first time since a week ago—you cry. You let tears fall and you let your body break. “Because—Because I do. I love him so much that its hurting me. I…I can’t even b-breathe because I love him. I can’t—can’t sleep because I love him.” You shoulders shake as you sob loudly. Almost like a child. “I can’t remember my own child be—because I love him.” You slam your eyes shut, mouth hung open as you choke on your sobs. “My brain c-can’t show my memories because I love him. He’s—he’s the only thing my b-brain wants to think about.” 

At a loss for words, Misuk and Subin feel their hearts breaking in their chests. This is more devastating than the first time. They realize, you were right, this is more miserable.

~~~

It’s been three weeks since Jungkook has seen you. Since he’s seen you, his light. The only thing in this entire world that could possibly make him feel alive. The only thing in the entire universe that could make his heart beat again. You’re the only one keeping him from going insane or ending his own life. He had always held onto the hope that one day this will be behind you guys. 

And then he can touch you again, hold you again, openly love you again.

But mostly, for you to love him again. 

His apartment is how it always is, TV blaring with the news on. The blueish light illuminates his entire living room and lately it has been his only source of light. You, his true source, no longer rising in his sky. 

It’s around four in the afternoon when Jungkook’s phone starts going off, the vibrating making his coffee table buzz. He rubs his eyes with a fist before setting his nearly empty beer bottle down to the table and reaching for the device.

Jimin.

Jungkook rolls his eyes before answering, “I told you to leave me alone.” He slurs into the phone.

“Are you fucking drunk again?” Jimin doesn’t hide his disapproval. “Going to pull this shit again, Jungkook?”

“Fuck off, Jimin.” Jungkook brings the phone away from his face and ends the call. 

Not even ten seconds pass before his phone is buzzing again in his hands. He groans loudly as he answers it again, “What the fuck do you—”

“—Just fucking listen, you moron.” Jimin cuts in, “I’m already risking everything by being in contact with you. And now you’re back to your old ways.” He scoffs, “If you fuck this up, I swear I’ll come to your shit apartment and kick your ass myself.”

Jungkook drunkenly chuckles into the phone, “You don’t have to help—”

“—Help you?” Jimin scoffs again, “I’m not doing this for you and you know it.”

“Whatever,” Jungkook grumbles while reaching for his beer again and taking a swig, “What do you want?”

“Lee Jaesung.” Jimin says.

Immediately Jungkook leans forward on his couch, something more serious falling over his face before he asks, “What about him?”

“Well, he was the only thing getting us closer to this shit.”

“Yeah?” Jungkook sets the beer down again, “Does he have new information?”

“He’s dead.” Jimin informs with a bite to his tone, “Guy was found in his apartment. Apparent suicide.”

Jungkook grits his teeth, “Fucking bullshit.” 

“I know.” Jimin sighs, “You’ve been MIA and I need you to get your shit together if we’re going to—”

“—Count me out.” Jungkook slurs into the phone, “I’m done.”

Jimin is quiet for a moment before he’s chuckling into the phone, “You’re really back to this, huh? You’re sad, Jungkook. I told you years ago you were going to ruin your marriage. Didn’t I?”

Jungkook grips the edge of the couch cushion, eyes growing darker as he watches the bright TV screen. “Shut up.” He seethes, “Don’t bring up—”

“—You ruined your entire life you fucking drunk.” Jimin spits at him, “Fix your shit then call me.”

Jungkook keeps the phone to his ear despite the fact that Jimin has hung up. It slides down his cheek and eventually falls to the floor as he continues to stare at the bright screen of his TV. He is here again. And it’s not like he can’t not believe that he’s back to this because it never feels like he ever wasn’t like this. This is just who he is now. It’s the him that he knows. And when you woke up knowing the him he used to know…it almost felt like he could be that person again.

Having to tell you about Haru again…heartbreaking.

But having to see you experience that same betrayal and heartache…pure utter torture.

Jungkook drunkenly reaches for the TV remote and shuts it off, the room going completely dark. His closed blinds and heavy drapes block out the sun that isn’t you. He is in darkness because in his life there is no light.

Because you aren’t here anymore.

~

“Yes, well, believe it or not…” You sigh into your phone, small smile on your lips. “I’m actually getting out of the house today.” 

“To eat a real meal?” Misuk asks knowingly.

“Kind of?” You laugh. “I’m in the mood for coffee but like, not from my coffee pot.” 

Misuk tsks, “Fine. But at least buy a cookie or something too.”

“Yeah, yeah.” You tell her, “I found a cute café not too far away. Not a full menu place with servers like the one Subin likes—not that she even wants to go there anymore—but this place is like a little hole in the wall. Good reviews too.”

“I wish I could ditch work and join you.” She whines, “But I’ll have to stick to break room coffee.”

“Sounds horrible.”

“Oh, it is.” She laughs, “But okay. I hope you enjoy the café.”

“Me too,” At this point you hope you enjoy anything.

But the world is still dark.

And you’re hoping a nice outing with a good caffeinated drink could offer a little shining light in this complete darkness that consumes you. Even if it’s temporary. 

“I’ll talk to you later, Misuk.” You say before you’re both hanging up.

You look ahead, eyes on the building in front of you. You didn’t tell Misuk you’re actually already here but too afraid to get out of your car and walk inside. You aren’t sure why you’re afraid. Maybe it’s because it’s your first real outing since memories started coming to you. Maybe you’re afraid the more places and people you see, it will trigger more to unlock.

And you’re afraid of more truths that you wish would stay hidden would reveal themselves.

It’s hard but you finally manage to get out of your car and force your legs to take you inside. But the moment you step inside and you’re greeted with the smell of coffee and baked good, you immediately relax. 

It’s not a busy place at all. It’s small maybe the size of your living room and kitchen combined. Just a long counter with cookies, cakes and breads that smell delicious and an artsy menu board hanging on the back wall with a long list of drinks. And along one of the walls and all the windows is small, round tables with chairs. 

You take a breath before walking to the counter and a girl with bright eyes greets you with a heartwarming grin. When you tell her you’ve never been, she happily gestures to the menu and begins telling you all her favorite drinks. And she claims you must try their chocolate cookies.

“Hm,” You weigh all your options, feeling tempted by the lavender tea she mentioned. “Okay yeah, I’ll get that.”

“And a cookie too?” She smiles.

You can’t help but chuckle, it’s as if Misuk told this girl to ask you that. “Sure, a cookie too.”

“Okay!”

After you pay, the girl motions towards a wall with a bookshelf, “Feel free to browse. I’ll have you order up soon and I’ll call for you.” 

“Thanks.” You smile.

You decide to take her up on it, eyes browsing this bookshelf while your fingers brush against the spines. There’s some books you recognize and a ton that you don’t. You can tell which books are popular and which aren’t—the dust giving it away.

After several minutes of looking over book titles, the girl calls you over since your drink and cookie are ready. You excitedly go to the counter, hands reaching for the items and your nose is being blessed. You can tell this cookie is about to change your world.

“Thanks!” You say before excitedly and quickly turning around to find a table when you literally run into someone. This needs to stop happening to you. It wouldn’t be such a big deal if—

“Ah, Hot! Hot!” An unexpected voice yelps, “Hooooooooly shit, that’s hot!”

“Oh my god, I am so sorry.” You stare at a broad chest, a button up shirt completely soaked as you begin to panic. “Are you—Are you okay?”

The man in front of you starts airing his shirt out, trying his best for the hot liquid to not burn his chest, you’re sure. “Ooooooh,” He whistles out, “That hurts.”

“Oh my god…I’m…I am so so—”

“—No worries,” He starts laughing, still airing the shirt. “It kind of feels like that first moment when you get under a hot shower.” 

You stare at his chest, completely panicked…he’s not going to press charges, right? Is that a thing? You could have seriously burned him! “Are you okay? Seriously—” You finally rip your eyes from his shirt to get a look at him. 

“Seriously,” He laughs more, “I’m okay.”

You gaze at him, his smile is spread across his face while he looks down at his shirt now.

“Good thing I keep extra shirts at work.” He says before glancing back up and locking eyes with you. “No harm here.”

You feel guilt sink it. “Oh my god, I hope I didn’t ruin your shirt…will it stain?” 

“You’re worried about this shirt?” He laughs loudly while his eyes crinkle cutely. “Wow, my mom would be so happy that at least someone cares about this thing. It was a Christmas present…and I’m pretty sure it was actually meant for my brother.”

You can’t help but snort, “Oh.”

“Literally only wearing it because I’m hoping something will happen to it and I can finally have a reason to throw it away.” He smiles, “And finally,” He looks up at the ceiling and pumps the air with his fists, “I can get rid of it!” 

You watch him, unsure if he’s serious or just trying to make you feel better. But either way…it does make you feel better.

“Is it still hot?” You find yourself asking, eyes back on his wet chest.

“Nah,” He waves you off with a goofy grin, “Now it’s sort of just sticking to me uncomfortably and it’s cold now.”

“Oh.” You suddenly feel bad again.

“Which is great because the sun is unforgiving today, don’t you think? So hot.” He begins fanning himself, grin still on his face before he glances down to the package in one of your hands. “Is that a chocolate chip cookie? Those are the best here!”

You look down, “Oh…oh yeah. Um, it is.”

“You should probably eat it, maybe you’ll finally smile. They’re that good.” He winks at you, “Or if you drowning in guilt over here, you could always let me have a piece too and we can call this whole,” He motions between you both, “thing even.” 

You stare at him for a moment, completely taken aback by his energy. He’s still smiling and it feels infectious, like you want to smile too.

And you do.

Though it is small and timid. You do.

In all this overwhelming darkness that has wrapped its arms around you, suffocating you in an unwanted embrace…all you really need right now in your life is some sort of light getting shed so you can finally see something besides your own despair. 

You just need some light. 

And little do you know that a bright, bright light is coming into your life.

And that light has a name.

And he goes by Kim Seokjin.

~

Next

Ooh this was such a pleasure to read, a modern day twist on the Middle Ages. With a Sweet but Very Sexy Jungkook and a strong, knows her own mind OC.

Finishing Touch

Recommended Song: Good to Me by Seventeen

|Masterlist|

Summary:

As your elder brother's apprentice, he sometimes sent you on errands for him. This time you didn't mind so much when you met the handsome blacksmith who mantained the tools of your trade.

Genre: Smut

Pairing: Blacksmith!Jungkook X Carpenter!FemReader (Y/N)

Warnings: Swearing, heavy handed flirting, blacksmithing/carpentry jargon, I JUST LOVE CRAFTS OKAY, Namjoon is the older brother who wants whats best for you, reader has buff arms but its not really mentioned, Jungkook and reader are both a little weird, crackish?, reader has a bit of an oral fixation, reader knows what she wants, face sitting, oral(m&f),multiple orgasms, 1 spank. Jungkook is a biter. Multiple positions. let me know if there's any I missed.

Word Count: 6k

So this in unbeta'd so sorry for any mistakes. I'll also be adding the poem I wrote that somewhat inspired this at the end.

Some days you cursed the day you asked Namjoon to be his apprentice. He was a capable carpenter and an attentive brother, but he was the biggest klutz you had ever seen! Which meant you were often sent on errands by him as he nursed his latest injury. You loved him dearly, you just wished he was more careful. What had you on your most recent one for him was a twisted ankle he had received after slipping on some wood shavings.

Namjoon had his tools handcrafted by a surprisingly local blacksmith who you had yet to meet. And apparently after a horrendously bad attempt at maintaining said tools, his blacksmith had forbade him from even trying and demanded that anytime upkeep was needed, Namjoon was to take his tools to this blacksmith where he would be discounted the cost. The benefits of being a regular you guessed.

So with a box of blunt chisels in grasp, you shifted them to rest on your hip so you could open the door to the blacksmith. A system bell twinkled above you to mark your arrival. The interior wasn’t quite what you had imagined it would be. When you thought of blacksmiths, what honestly came to mind was that they all looked like they did in mediaeval fantasy films. Cramped, hot and full of hazards. But much like how Namjoon’s shop is fairly modernised, so is this one. 

The entrance was a crisp white and sectioned off from the main workshop. There was a standing desk that looked to be bare save a lone laptop and a card reader. Behind the desk to the side was a code locked door, seemingly soundproof. Next to the door, thus directly behind the desk, was a large window, also soundproof as you did not hear the sound of the forge fire that was in clear sight. Through the window you saw the workshop itself, spaciously layed out as to minimise trips and accidents. Different tools safely stored away in carefully organised shelves. Grindstones and sanding belts lined in a row for sharpening. A power hammer tucked away in a corner. The forge was central on the back wall with the anvil not too far away. There was a work table pressed up against the wall opposite to the grindstones, where you saw the smith, setting something down before heading to the door.

You weren’t sure what you were expecting when you saw the smith for the first time, but you certainly weren’t expecting him to be so handsome. Shoulder-length hair was tied away with some loose strands framing his face, some soot smeared across his cheek highlighting a small scar. It made you want to get the rag out of your pocket to clean him up a bit. Big doe eyes met yours and you were captured in them like the small galaxy of lights they reflected. He wore a fitted grey long-sleeve shirt, its sleeves rolled up, a pair of cargo pants and a tool belt. You had to stop yourself from staring at the tattoo sleeve that consumed his arm.

The smith cleared his throat, snapping you out of your daze, “What can I do for ya?” He asked, gesturing towards the box.

“Oh! Uh, my brother- Namjoon- needed some things sharpened but had a bit of a… mishap,” you felt a blush colour your cheeks.

“Ah~ So you’re Namjoon’s little sis. He talks about you a lot whenever he stops by.” He took the box from you and surprised you a little when he grasped one of your hands to inspect, “looks like he wasn’t lying, you’ve been putting the work in, these calluses are impressive.”

You gently pulled your hand away, blurting out against your will, “are you like this with every girl you meet?”

“Only the pretty and talented ones,” he said with a wink, “do you want to come on through as I sort these out? Shouldn’t take too long.”

You nodded dumbly, reeling from his apparent flirtatiousness. 

He gave you a lopsided smile before turning, punching in the code and opening the door. He gestured with his head for you to go in first. It was warm in the workshop, almost sweltering. 

“How can you wear a long-sleeve here? It feels like I’m about to melt and I’m in a t-shirt.”

He shrugged, “You get used to it I guess. I’ve been working around the forge since I started apprenticing under my father at thirteen. Also stops my arms from getting burnt when sparks fly.”

That made sense. He headed over to the grindstones, set the box down and got to work. You noticed the stonewheel he was using was different from the others. It was situated in a wooden basin of water, wetting it as it spun. It was also most hypnotising, watching him pick up a chisel, make sure the angle is perfect before putting it to the grind. Once satisfied he would get a leather strip and give the chisel a few swipes against it.

"This is called 'Stropping', it polishes the edge and makes sure there's no imperfections in it that aren't visible without a microscope or something."

He set the chisel on a nearby table and picked up the next one.

"This doesn't look so hard, how did Namjoon fuck up so bad that you'd need to do this for him?"

"He would lose and chip his edge in his sharpening attempts. But I don't mind doing this much for him as a favour if he helps me out with a few projects from time to time."

You raised a brow in interest, "Such as?"

"Carving axe handles, knife hilts, spear shafts, things like that. Especially if it's a custom order that stipulates some sort of cosmetic aspect to those. Though he's come out to fix my bed a few times."

"Your bed? Is it old?"

Jungkook chortled, "No… let's say it's well loved." Your cheeks coloured, immediately catching on to what he meant. "Sometimes it was some of the supporting struts the mattress sits on, once it was a leg. Namjoon was an angel for fixing that in such short notice. Though I haven't had to call him out in a while."

"Ah, you've taken pity on it."

"Not quite, just been too busy for a relationship recently."

You deflated a little at that, not that you were interested. It was just a shame such a handsome man was off the market.

"What about you? Anyone in the picture?"

You huffed, "Nope. Namjoon hasn't approved of anyone who's shown even a hint of interest in me. And his fucking vibe checks always turn out correct. Last guy was a potter and Namjoon felt there was something off, so he catfished him, turned out the dude had a wife and kids."

Jungkook stopped what he was doing and turned to you with wide eyes, jaw slack, "No fucking way."

"Yep, sometimes it's suffocating to have such a protective older brother. But in that situation I was thankful."

"He does talk like the sun shines out your ass. He once said, and I quote, 'I will not let the hardships of this world sully her'. That was when we went out for drinks and he started complaining about a… dancer?... that wanted to be fuck buddies with you."

You put your head in your hands, "That guy was spewing some bullshit about how having sex regularly would limber him up and make him a better dancer."

"And according to Namjoon you almost fell for it."

"It made sense at the time!" You cried in embarrassed betrayal.

"You sound just a little frustrated," he said with a bunny toothed grin.

"No shit. All the guys I meet just want my body."

"To be honest, you do have a banging bod but I get that it's annoying for people to be so shallow. I've had similar issues. But do you know what helps me manage the stress of being single?" He paused to give you time to respond but you just shrugged. "My work. Hitting red hot things with a hammer is great for working through things."

"I'd imagine splitting wood with a froe is a similar sensation."

Jungkook tilted his head in confusion, "Excuse me, I'm not entirely acquainted with the processes of carpentry. How is a froe used? The blade doesn't face out like an axe but is on the top so…?"

"You put the blade against the wood and hit it with a mallet, once the wood starts cracking you can use the handle as a lever to pull the wood apart. It's quite effective and is good for getting the wood to the width you need with little shaving."

"Ah yes, so you too get to hammer things." He nodded sagely and got back to work. "Here's an idea, I feel you need a man in your life that isn't a family member, someone to measure potential suitors against. How about once a week we take turns going to each other's workshops. You show me some carpentry tools and techniques, I show you how to maintain the tools of your trade. And we chat, you can get to know me because I already feel like I know you thanks to Namjoon." 

You shook your head, "You know Namjoon's ideal me. So that's a rather rose tinted view."

Jungkook shot you a mischievous smirk, "You saying there's a bad girl side to you Namjoon doesn’t know?"

"I will neither confirm nor deny anything. That's for you to find out."

"I look forward to it."

----------------------------------------------------

A week later and Jungkook was knocking on your workshop door, Namjoon was taking the day off and so the shop was technically closed. He was in a tank top due to the warmer weather you had been experiencing, which showed off more of his arms and that gorgeous tattoo sleeve of his. Loose fitting sweats clung to his thighs like their existence depended on it and his hair was half up in a bun. His doe eyes were framed by a pair of glasses that suited him far too well. You found yourself biting your bottom lip as you appraised him. He waved hello and chuckled as you noticeably broke out of your trance. 

"I know they're cool," he said gesturing to his sleeve, "maybe someday I'll talk you through them."

You shook your head, "Sorry, just wasn't expecting to see so much of you so soon."

"That's what she said." Childish. "But in all seriousness, it's hot as balls out there and I feel like I'm less likely to get a serious burn here than at the forge. So I thought I'd let the boys breathe a bit."

"You'll have to be extra mindful of splinters then," you half joked. You had gotten some rather nasty ones in your early days before you had gotten yourself some woodworking sleeves. 

You noticed his gaze was going past you to something in the corner and turned to look.

"Is that a wizard? Is Namjoon carving a wooden wizard statue?"

You cleared your throat awkwardly, "Not Namjoon, I am. It's my first proper solo project and it's taken me a good few months just to get a decent base design done. I'll be etching finer details into it soon hopefully."

"Can I ask why a wizard?"

"Wizards are cool. Not like the Harry Potter ones, I mean the types you find in D&D or painted on to the side of a hippy van from the 70s. Ones that ponder the orb."

Jungkook contemplated it before nodding, "I get where you're coming from, but personally I'm more of a fan of warriors and stuff. In fact one of my personal projects has a crusades motif."

"You what?"

He grinned, "It's a long sword I call 'The Inquisitor'. One of my favourites if I do say so myself. One of three in a collection called ‘The Hero’."

“Might want to be careful about who you’re calling a hero there. I don’t know many people who look at crusaders fondly.”

“Yeah I know. Organised religion is flawed but its imagery slaps.” That earned a laugh from you. “So what are you teaching me today?”

You gestured to an overturned incomplete table that was on the floor, “we’re attaching the last two legs with tongue and groove joints and pegs. Namjoon doesn’t like to use wood glue, saying it's ‘a shortcut for quantity over quality’. Which I do actually agree with. Also helps to keep the old methods alive. The grooves have already been cut into where the legs will be going. You'll be helping me with the tongues.”

Jungkook muttered something that you couldn't make out. You got to work, showing him how the width, length and depth of the groove would be transposed onto what would be the tongue. How you triple checked the measurements before committing to them with a saw. You got the table leg into position.

"Right, can you grab that mallet and hammer this into the groove for me. I'll keep it steady."

Jungkook grabbed the mallet, eyebrows knitting as he concentrated on hitting his intended target and not you. With his arms exposed, you saw how his muscles rippled and flexed with each heavy swing. He let out the occasional grunt of effort which you tried not to focus too much on, especially when you noticed his tongue peek out to wet his lower lip. And then he was finished and grinning down at you.

"What now?"

"Now it's your turn. We just have one more leg to attach before we can put the pegs through."

He nodded and immediately got to work copying what he had watched you do. 

"So what made you think you were too busy for a relationship? You clearly have time on your hands if you're here with me."

Jungkook briefly glanced at you then refocused on what he was doing, "My ex. She told me I clearly had two loves in my life, her and my work. Said she hated being runner up in my heart as I was so committed to my craft-"

"I'm sorry but that's bullshit. She broke up with you cause you're passionate about creating things? Because you're carrying on your family business?"

"When you put it that way, yeah."

"That is actual assholery on her part. A life without passion isn't a life at all. If someone had said something like that to me, I would have broken up with them."

"It's nice to hear that at least one person doesn't mind."

"If you don't mind me asking, how long ago was this break up?"

"Two years-"

"TWO WHOLE ASS YEARS?! You, a walking wet dream,” you waved your hand up and down, gesturing to him and his outfit, “have been willingly single for the last two years because of what your ex said."

His cheeks coloured. He set down the pencil and ruler and picked up the saw you had been using. He did two pulls then got to work sawing off the excess.

"Well it gave me time to focus on myself and what I wanted. Made some pretty baller things. And to be honest, it's been pretty hard to think about dating anyone when Namjoon has been talking my ear off about you and singing your praises before I had even met you yet."

Wait a minute… that sounded like Namjoon had been trying to set you up. You knew something was fishy about his ankle injury! It was all part of his plan! You facepalmed at your brother's antics.

"Jesus Joon. I'm so sorry about my brother, if I had known I would have stopped him."

"Hey now, I'm glad to finally put a face to the name. And as I said before, I'd like for you to get to know me. Then we see where it goes from there be it friends or something else, that is if you're interested. Which you seem to be otherwise you would have called me a walking wet dream. To be honest I like the forwardness." He winked at you. “Right, that’s this one all done, are you hammering this time?”

“Sure. As in the hammering.”

Jungkook knelt down and lined the leg up with its groove. Mallet in hand, you tried not to think about how, if the table leg wasn’t there, he would be at the perfect height to- You hit the leg before you could continue that line of thought. You were so focused, you hadn’t realised Jungkook was watching you much the same way you had done to him earlier. A few more good wacks and it was well and truly wedged in. You wiped the sweat from your brow.

“You got some impressive arms, do you go to the gym?”

You shook your head, “Nah, just comes with the job. All this manual labour requires some muscle. Can you help me flip this table?”

Jungkook moved to the other side of the table, lifting on your count and the table was now standing on its legs for the first time. You instructed him to try and hold it steady as you bored holes into the sides that went right through the centre on the joints.

“Since I did the drilling, how about you peg?” You said, handing him four perfectly sized pegs (you had made them earlier and chosen the corresponding drill bit with the right circumference).

“Is carpentry normally full of innuendo?”

“Depends on the carpenter.” You gave him a cheeky grin, “what you’re gonna want to do is hammer the pegs as far in as they’ll go, saw off the excess and finally, sand them.”

----------------------------------------------------

Next it was your turn to learn from him. You were back in his studio, waiting in his reception area for him to arrive. You spotted him through the window into his workshop, coming out of a door you hadn’t noticed last time. From what you could see, his hair was down, tucked away behind his ear. He was in a plain black oversized t-shirt and brown cargo pants. He walked over to some shelves and picked a few bits and bobs you couldn’t see and set them over by the grindstones. He turned and smiled when he saw you waiting. He jogged over to the door and unlocked it from the inside for you.

“Hey there, fancy seeing you here,” He said, still smiling. You were starting to melt for his cute grins.

“Oh you know, I got invited by some guy. I’m beginning to think the ‘learning each other's trades’ was all just an elaborate ploy to create flirting opportunities.”

He shrugged, “Well that remains to be seen. Come on in, I’ve got everything set up for you.”

“Since you’re not in a long-sleeve, we’re not doing anything that involves heat,” you appraised, walking by him.

“You got that right. I’m not the type to throw someone in the deep end.” 

He led you over to the grindstones where you saw what he had set down. It was a set of chisels. They looked new.

“What’s all this?”

“Today you’ll be learning how to sharpen these chisels, which I made myself by the way, and if I’m satisfied that you’ll be able to take care of them they’ll be all yours.”

You turned to him wide-eyed, “You’re fucking with me right.”

There was that smile again, “Nope. I figured it would do you some good not having to use Namjoon’s, give you some independence from him.”

You squealed and hugged him on impulse then sheepishly let go of him, clearing your throat, “I mean thank you.”

Jungkook rubbed the back of his neck, “No problem. It’s just my way of saying thanks for that… pep talk? Last week. And you know, they’re not as time consuming to make as a sword or something. Right, anyway let’s get started. You’ll be using the whetstone.” He pointed at the wheel you had seen him using before.

“Why not the others?”

“Cause we don’t want you losing your temper.”

“I’m not that easily annoyed.” You pouted.

He chuckled, “No not like that. If you try to sharpen something that's already been tempered, which by the way is a heat treatment to harden the steel and alleviate internal stresses, on a dry grind you’ll reheat the metal and lose the temper. So we use a whetstone because it keeps the metal cool. That’s also where the phrase lose your temper comes from.”

You had been nodding along as he spoke, “I see.” 

You picked up one of the chisels and inspected it. It was quite beautiful, a perfectly carved wooden handle (you’d have to ask him about his wood choice later) and the steel had a marble effect which your fingers traced over.

“It’s Damascus steel. A blend of iron carbide and ferrite folded into a steel billet. Not to be confused with real damascus steel because that technique was lost due to cultural suppression.”

“That sounds like a lot of effort for someone you’ve only known for like three weeks.”

“Yeah I know, but as I’ve said, thanks to Namjoon I already feel like I know you. And so far you haven’t done anything that goes against what I’ve come to know… God that sounded creepy.”

“No no, I get you. It’s like when my mum used to talk about her church friends and when I was introduced to them, I already knew what they liked and disliked so it was easier to talk to them.”

“Yeah, you’re the church friend here. Except I don’t mind it when you try to flirt with me. Anyway, shall we? I might need to put my hands on you depending on how well you do, are you okay with that?”

You shrugged, “I’m down with that. I doubt you’d use it as an excuse to grab my tits or something.”

Jungkook blinked at you a few times and shook his head, “Okay first, get the wheel turning, there’s a pedal on the floor which controls it.” You put your foot on it and got the wheel going. “Now what you’d want to do is with one hand on the handle and the other at the base of the steel, you want to angle it so the blade is going to meet the stone correctly.” You went to do as he said. “Ah wait.”

His chest met your back as his arms encircled you, hands guiding on yours to adjust the chisel to the correct angle. You then brought the chisel to the stone and the sound wasn’t all pleasant, neither were the small vibrations in your hands, but his heat was distracting you from it.

“That’s it, just like that. I’ll let you do the next one yourself. I’d say it's time to strop and test it.” He laid out some leather on the table next to the other chisels. You turned, stopping the wheel, and did as you had seen him do last time. “You’re picking this up quickly. You must have inherited all the steadiness that Namjoon didn’t get.”

You were about to question how you’d test it when he started rolling up a pant leg. His legs weren’t all that hairy but there were some noticeable strips missing. He then beckoned you to give him the chisel. You watched in bewilderment as he ran the chisel down a small patch, shearing off the hair there. He beamed at you.

“Cuts like a dream. That’s a pretty good job you’ve done there.”

“Can I ask why you just did that?”

He straightened up and put the chisel to the side.

“Quickest way to test, and as long as they’re washed properly afterwards, there's no harm… other than when I’ve nicked myself.”

“Maybe this is why your ex left you. Not because of your work but because you test the sharpness of blades on yourself-”

“That makes it sound like I self-harm. I do not. I shave. A very clear difference.”

“What I was trying to say is that it's ridiculously weird.”

He pouted this time, “Have I lost all appeal to you now then.”

It was only then you were reminded of how close he was to you. You gulped.

“I uh, I wouldn’t say that. Everyone has their quirks. Like me, I chew on stick-width bits of wood when I’m bored in the workshop.”

Jungkook laughed, properly laughed, a sound you wanted to hear again. “You called me weird and you’re out there literally chewing on wood like a beaver? Talk about double standards. At least my ‘quirk’ tests the quality. What are you doing? Testing the wood density?”

You blushed, “Look sometimes my mouth wants something to do. So what?”

He chuckled, pushed his hair back and got impossibly closer, his eyes darkening, “I had wanted to take this slow, maybe have a few more back and forths, but what am I to do when you tell me something like that.” He cupped your face, thumbing your lower lip, “what am I to think other than I can give it something to do for you.” His eyes flicked between your and your lips, “Can I?”

Jesus fucking christ, you had melted on the spot and all you could do was nod dumbly. The rest of the chisels were forgotten as he crowded your space, lips meeting yours in a slow, deliberate dance. His hands fell to your waist as you grasped at his shoulders, trying to pull him closer still. But you stumbled backwards, knocking the whetstone and breaking the kiss.

“Whoops, perhaps my workshop isn’t the place for this. Come on.” Jungkook took your hand and led you through the door you noticed earlier. “Welcome to my home-”

You pushed Jungkook up against the door, lips locking with his in a fever. Not missing a beat, his hands grasped your hips and pulled you into him. He licked at the seam of your lips, asking for permission which you eagerly gave with a moan. His hips rolled into yours and you lightly bit his bottom lip making him groan.

“Wanna take this upstairs?”

“Lead the way.”

Jungkook took you by the hand again and led you through his home, up the stairs and down the hall to his bedroom. You didn’t have much time to take in your surroundings before he was mouthing and sucking at your neck, thoroughly distracting you. You pressed back into him and felt how hard he had gotten against your ass. 

His hands trailed to your stomach, slipping below your top, “Mind if I?”

“Jungkook, I appreciate the constant checking in but please hurry the fuck up.”

He huffed in amusement. He grasped your top and pulled it up over your head. You hadn’t expected things to turn out as they had done so you were in a sports bra. Again he muttered something you couldn’t quite hear. You took off your bra before you helped him to remove his own shirt and felt yourself grow wetter when you could see his whole chest unobstructed. Those pecs looked very squeezable. You licked your lips, you’d get that opportunity soon you silently vowed. 

“Get on the bed,” you ordered.

He raised a brow, “And why should I?”

You raised onto your toes so that you could reach his ear, “I believe you said you’d give my mouth something to do.” You didn’t have to tell him twice, he was more than eager to situate himself on the edge of the bed. He was in the midst of unzipping his pants when you settled on your knees between his spread legs. “Let me.”

You grasped the edge of his pants and boxers, pulling them both down in one as Jungkook lifted his hips off the bed to aid you. You salivated when his cock sprung up and slapped his stomach. You weren’t patient enough to tease him, opting instead to lick him from base to tip, taking his tip between your lips and easing him further in.

“Shit! Jesus christ!” His fingers tangled into your hair, stopping you from continuing as he tried to hold himself back. “Fuck Y/N warn me before you do something like that. Last thing I want is to be a quick shot.” 

You released him, “I don’t mind that. Come whenever you want.” With that you sank back down on him, taking him deeper until he hit the back of your throat. You gagged. 

Jungkook’s head kicked back with a guttural groan. His hips raised, pushing him deeper still and you gagged again.

“S-sorry, I wanna- can I move? Hum if I can move.”

You hummed. Jungkook used his hold on you to keep you still as he thrust into your eager lips. Your eyes welled with tears each time he made you gag but you paid it no mind. Your fingers made their way into your pants and underwear, you began to rub your clit in time with his thrusts. God, you were so wet already. You moaned around him as the heat in you started to build.

“Y/n” he moaned, “I’m gonna, fuck. Boutta cum. If you don’t want me cumming in your mouth- shit- you better stop now.”

You hummed again and stayed put. Jungkook came with a grunt, eyes shut in bliss as you swallowed around him. You only pulled away when you felt him begin to go soft. You held his cock as you licked the remnants of his cum off it, Jungkook whined.

“S-Stop, post nut sensitivity.”

You stopped immediately and sat back, “What would you like to do now?”

Jungkook’s eyes trailed down you, landing on how you still had a hand in your pants though it had stopped its ministrations at this point. “I would like to repay the favour and then after that, hopefully, fuck.”

You giggled, “I’m down for that.” 

You stood and were about to pull your pants down when Jungkook stopped you. Copying what you had done earlier, pulling them down for you but while also showering the newly exposed skin to open mouth kisses. You stumbled a bit since you were still stood up.

“Wait a second, let me sit-”

Jungkook led on the floor and beckoned for you to sit on his face with that damned smile of his, “I have your seat right here, come on.”

Oh you couldn’t say no to such an offer. You lowered yourself until your pussy was just above his mouth, not wanting to crush him. But Jungkook wasn’t having that, he palmed at your ass and pulled you down onto him properly. And much like you had done to him just moments before, Jungkook wasted no time in devouring you. He licked from your pussy to your clit and nipped at it, making you jolt. He eased his tongue into you, making you both moan. You rolled your hips as he kept going, your clit brushing against his nose. You gasped when he switched to sucking on your clit, instead pushing two fingers into you. Oh fuck. You groped your breasts, pinching your nipples for extra stimulation. Jungkook curled his fingers, rubbing against the spot that made your toes curl and a wanton cry leave you. You could feel his smirk as he made it his mission to hit that spot with deadly accuracy. That heat that had been building earlier reignited into a blaze, quickly building in intensity.

“Fuck, just like that. Don’t stop. Don’t stop.”

Jungkook hummed in acknowledgement, alternating between sucking and rubbing your clit. It didn’t take much more for the heat to reach its peak and spill over. Your pussy clenched around his fingers as you came but he didn’t stop. You sighed as he helped you to ride out your high. You dismounted him when you had your fill and watched as Jungkook slipped his tattooed fingers into his mouth, sucking them clean. You moaned. Jungkook got up and pulled you into a searing kiss, you could taste yourself on his lips and he could probably taste himself on yours. His erect cock pressed against your stomach.

Jungkook broke away, “How does my bad girl want it? Doggy? Cowgirl? Anyway, it's fine by me.”

“Doggy.”

Jungkook gave your ass a light slap, “Then get on that bed, babe.”

You scrambled onto the bed, making sure to teasingly shake your hips as you did so. Jungkook growled lowly and was quick to follow you. A hand ran down your back, over your slightly reddened cheek. Two fingers brushed against your entrance torturously, dancing around actually entering you. You noticed as well as felt him lean over you to reach into a drawer. He pulled out a foil packet. He opened it and expertly rolled the condom down his length. 

He lined himself up and eased himself into you, giving you a chance to adjust before he pulled out to just the tip and plunged back into you. You swear to god he hit your cervix right then and there. You keened at the delicious sensation, back arching. Jungkook pressed against you, littering your shoulder with marks as he sent spears of pleasure through you with each merciless thrust, his pace brutal. You tried to hold back your moans, knowing you’d be near screaming if your didn’t. To be honest, you felt like you could cream his cock just like this there was just one thing missing. 

“Don’t hold back. I wanna hear you crying because of my dick. Come on. Cry for me Y/N.”

You couldn’t hold back anymore, you were sobbing with each thrust as his tip continually kissed your cervix. He pushed you further into the mattress and anchored your hips into place, holding you still so he could abuse your pussy as he wished. Your fingers grasped at his sheets as all you could do was take it. You weren’t used to being passive when fucking but shit what else could you do? Your ability to think was melting away with each deadly snap of his hips. And then he was stopping and you cried in outrage but he soon had you on your back and his cock in you again. 

“Sorry, I just had to see your face. Oh look at you.” He wiped your tear streaked face.

He hooked one of your legs over his shoulders and abruptly continued his onslaught. With the way he was bearing down on you, you wouldn't have been surprised if your back was out of commission afterwards. In fact you think you heard a snap that wasn't from skin meeting skin. God you were so close. One of his hands snaked down to rub your clit in figures of eight. You were clenching around him, cumming just moments after. Your voice ripped from you at the intensity, leaving you gasping.

"Fuck you're so tight!" He groaned, brows knitting together as he concentrated on reaching his own climax. 

In your pleasure-addled state, your impulse control vanished. Your hands reached up and groped at his chest, squeezing them like you had wanted from the get go. Your fingers expertly toyed with his nipples, his hips stuttered as he let out a strained whine.

"It's okay, you can cum. Want you to cum." 

Jungkook let your leg fall so that he could bury his face into the crook of your neck, biting down as he finally released. He stayed like that for a moment, allowing himself a chance to regain his breath before rolling off you and discarding the used condom in a nearby waste bin.

"You are definitely not a good girl. I think I broke a slat in my bed again."

"I think you threw my back out so the slat will have to wait. Can't have my brother fix a bed I've been fucking on."

Jungkook laughed, "That's fine by me. Hey, would you like to have dinner with me tonight?"

"We totally went about this in the wrong order. But yes, I'd love to have dinner with you."

----------------------------------------------------

Namjoon was taking a break, an americano cupped in his hands, when you gingerly entered the workshop the following day.

“So how are things with Jungkook? Any interest there?”

“Well, he needs a new slat for his bed.”

Namjoon looked disappointed, “Aw I’m sorry. I thought he would be into you. Sorry for getting your hopes up.”

“Oh no, he’s very into me, that’s why I’m fixing the bed.”

A few seconds passed until realisation hit him and he dropped his mug. Scandalised, he shouted, “Y/N!”

----------------------------------------------------

Thank you so much for reading this very niche fic! Here is an example of the chisels Jungkook made:

And here is the poem:

My Dear Blacksmith

Engrave your design into me; etch your story. Grind, carve, chip and scratch away. Pass your judgement with your tools. In one hand, heat and torment, temptation and punishment. In the other, honour and warmth, loyalty and redemption. Give me depth. Temper me in flames and harden my edges in oil, unbreakable when mastered. You inlay me with precious gold and dazzling jewels to highlight the beauty in your work. Oak and guard, balance and poise just like those who came before. For I am but your sword, an extension of your will. When the time comes, I shall miss you, my dear blacksmith. And as the years will pass us by, you shall wither and age as I dull and rust. But your story shall forever be in my steel.

Super cute! For a super cute boy!

Drabble Prompt!

MC and her best friend/boyfriend were supposed to have a picnic outside, but when they got there, it started to pour. In an attempt to turn the day around, [member] convinces MC to enjoy the rain (maybe even dance a little?).

Okay but...can we agree we're here for the pining? I've modified this a little but...the inspiration is this soft boi below 🥺

Best friend!Jungkook x reader

"I'm here! With kimbap and beer."

"Great! I'm in the kitchen, making your fave." You call out to your best friend, hearing him kicking off his shoes before the soft shuffle of his socked feet down the hallway.

"Jjigae?" Jungkook asks excitedly, his already big eyes even bigger in question whilst his lips purse into a gentle pout. The sheer innocence in his face makes you smile, even as you shake your head.

"No, how would we take that on a picnic with us? It'd be cold by the time we got there." You chide softly, grinning at he groans and let's himself flop onto the surface of the kitchen island next to you. His chin length is looking extra poofy today, and you know that he's probably run his fingers through it a million times since it dried after a shower.

"We're only going to the park, it's not that far." Jungkook whines, turning his head until his chin is laid on his crossed arms. The black t-shirt he's wearing is baggy, as usual, and let's you see his sleeve of tattoos. They'd originally been mostly black and white, but he'd been adding vibrant colour to them lately.

"Still. No, I'm making sandwiches. Boring, but reliable. There's some snack sausages in the fridge too, if you wanna eat them now." Gesturing to the fridge, you continue to finish making the aforementioned sandwiches.

Jungkook, as expected, dives into the pack of meaty goodness eagerly whilst he waits, his butt now firmly on a stool. Occasionally, he feeds you one when he feels like sharing.

You'd just finished slicing the sandwiches into squares to make sure they can fit in the container, when you hear a faint rumbling. Frowning once more, you tilt your head to the side and listen a bit more intently. It takes another minute or so, but there's another rumble of what is unmistakably thunder.

Abandoning the kitchen, and ignoring Jungkook's noise of confusion, you head into the living room and look out the window. There's no window in your kitchen, given the layout of your apartment.

"God dammit!" You curse, running a hand over your cheek before swearing some more.

"What's wrong?" Jungkook asks, coming up behind you before pausing and taking in the same sight you were. "Oh...shit. I didn't know there was gonna be a storm, it was fine earlier."

"Well, we can't go have a picnic now. Not unless we want to get drenched and possibly electrocuted." Now you're the one pouting, and you don't notice the adoring smile on Jungkook's face before he reaches out and squeezes your cheeks.

"Cute," He murmurs, making your stomach flutter. "And it's okay, we can have an inside picnic. Besides, it means we can finally catch up on our shows. We're way behind and I have to almost beat Jimin up to make sure he doesn't spoil anything."

"But I..." Jungkook raises one, well defined brow and you know that he's won.

Not that there'd even been an argument, but he'd always win. Something he knew, as well.

"Fine, make the living room comfy then. If I can't eat out in the fresh air then I want to at least feel like I'm being eaten by the sofa." You whine before heading into the kitchen to grab the food and drinks.

Jungkook acknowledges your request as he watches you go, fondness and a bigger, much deeper emotion, making his eyes soft while he smiles gently. If he could, he'd go out and fight those clouds for ruining your excitement, but he's not got any supernatural powers.

Turning to the sofas, he takes a deep breath before starting the task you'd given him. No, he can't fight the clouds, but he can hopefully make you feel happy again.

The storm doesn't bother him, as he knows that he's already happy. He's with you - how could he not be?

This chapter is very moving. Filled with real emotions.

Because, I Love You | 08

Jungkook x Older!Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst,

; Word Count: 3.4k

; Warnings: Mentions of blood, discussions of miscarriage, slight breakdown, mental health discussion, grief

; Synopsis: According to society, Jeon Jungkook should not be with you. He should be with a younger, hotter and thinner girl instead of wasting his time on you. It’s a good thing Jungkook doesn’t care what society thinks then.

; A/N: New banner for this series as well! And this chapter deals with the aftermath of the previous chapter, which will see them discuss how they are feeling/how they coped with the miscarriage. If you’ve ever had a miscarriage, then please only read if you are comfortable with it! And for any guys who read this and have experienced this, I hope you found the support you needed as well, and remember for everyone that there is no ‘right’ way to grieve. If you enjoyed this, please let me know by sending an ask or leaving a comment, and reblog it (with warnings) for others to read!

; Masterlist

-

Keep reading

I love Vampire Jungkook. Nerdy Vampire Jungkook by Day, Sexy Vampire Jungkook by night a perfect combo.

darkroom | jjk

Pairing: Vampire!Jungkook x Reader

Genre: smut, fluff, vampire!au, college!au

Summary: When you somehow end up in an advanced photography class that you definitely shouldn’t be in, you seek the help of shy nerdy boy Jeon Jungkook to preserve your 4.15 GPA. It isn’t until after you stumble upon him in the darkroom that you realize your cute little nerd is actually a super hot vampire with an icy cold stare and beautiful burgundy eyes.

Word Count: 10.2k

Warnings: minimal blood (just him sucking away), sex on school property, oral (f receiving), dry humping, orgasm denial, jk has dom vibes, he's an arrogant asshole at times, mention of hemophobia, switches to jk's pov 3 times

A/N: i wrote a vampire fic for jk's bday 4 years ago, and here we are again with another vampire fic;;;; enjoy!!!

“What do you mean I can’t drop a class I never signed up for?” Your head is about to explode. You’ve been fidgeting around in the most uncomfortable chair across from your counselor for what feels like ten hours, trying to get to the bottom of why you were placed into the Advanced Photography course when you have nothing to do with photography. “There has to be a way, right?”

“Sorry, this is already an under-enrolled course, which means the whole thing will have to be canceled if you or any other student drops it.” Great, he’s forcing you to stay for the sake of your professor and classmates whom you have yet to meet. That totally won't fuck up your 4.15 GPA at all.

“Okay, but I haven’t taken the prereqs for this course, and I’m not even majoring in photography.”

“Remind me what your major is again, Miss L/N.”

“Biochemistry?” You can’t even hide your disgust at this point. What an utterly useless counselor and waste of time. “Listen, I don’t mean to be rude,” (you definitely mean to be rude), “but you’re basically setting me up for failure over a dumb mistake that I didn’t make. If I don’t get accepted into med school because of this, that’s on you, sir.”

You storm out of the counseling office and make it all the way to an empty hall in the art building before breaking down into tears. It’s not fair. You’ve worked so hard to maintain your grades in the toughest of STEM courses, but this one photography class is about to fuck you straight in the ass.

You’ve never been an artsy person, which is why you’ve always stayed far, far away from anything remotely creative. The one “artsy” course you’d been forced to take as a graduation requirement was a coding design class, and it was a pain in the ass even though you came out of it with an A. But the point is, you’re not cut out for a photography class, especially not an advanced one. And it’s shitty to know that you’re stuck in one for a whole semester.

After patting your tears away, you regroup and walk into the photography room. Your counselor was right about one thing: this course is severely under-enrolled. There are more empty seats than taken ones. You count seven other students when there are supposed to be twenty. They all seem to be chummy with one another (perhaps from all those prereqs they took together), but no one even bats an eye your way, including the professor. It would’ve been great if you were allowed to drop this class and have it canceled altogether. Every single one of these assholes would have suffered the consequences instead of you.

A minute before the first class starts, a boy scurries to the corner of the room with big round glasses and the darkest eyebags you’ve ever seen. He has the look of someone who’d spent his entire high school career staying up until 2AM to study for the SATs and never quite recovered, someone who forgoes hanging out with friends to make an essay ten pages longer than it needs to be, someone who takes on multiple internships and jobs at once, someone who cries when people undermine his hard work, someone who actually gives a shit about school and his future. 

You’d know. You have that same look, that same aura. No one looks at him, either.

Your internal 4.3 GPA detector is going off.

“Welcome to the fall semester of our Advanced Photography course,” your professor begins, looking around at all the empty seats. “Since we have a small class this semester, it’ll give everyone more space to learn and expand on their photography skills. Let’s start by having everyone introduce themselves one by one, and just give me a brief idea of your experience with photography.”

You tune out as the first person is introducing herself because you really couldn’t care less about any of the assholes who ignored you and clearly already think they're above you. They all say the same thing anyway, reminiscing about their past projects from other photography classes they’ve taken. Yeah, you’re still bitter about the prereqs.

When it’s your turn to introduce yourself, you say the first thing that comes to mind. “I take photos for a popular Instagram model slash influencer.” 

That catches their attention. It’s not a lie, either. Your 3-year-old black cat has 40,000 followers and over a dozen sponsorships with brands like Greenies, Chewy, and even your local coffee shop. Her passive income is what’s putting you through school right now. And you can’t let all her hard-earned money go to waste by failing this photography class.

“What kind of camera and equipment have you used for your Instagram photos?” your professor asks. It’s a valid question, but you hate her for asking it anyway.

“My phone,” you say in the tiniest voice. That earns you a few chuckles and plenty of eyerolls, and it kind of hurts your feelings. You want to disappear. If anyone asks who your model is, you’re going to run out of the room and drop out of school altogether. Your Instagram-famous kitty will support you financially for a while until you can secure a STEM job that can overlook your dropout status.

The only person not ridiculing you is the boy you thoroughly judged and profiled for having dark circles. He introduces himself as Jeon Jungkook, someone with a few internships and a professional photoshoot under his belt. Your 4.3 GPA detector tells you he’s being modest about his experience and achievements, though. His voice is soft, and he’s terrible at making eye contact, but something about him is comforting. Maybe it’s that his presence makes you feel as though you aren’t the only outcast in the room.

As your professor is busy lending out very expensive-looking cameras and a shit ton of equipment to each student, you investigate the camera you were given. Your lack of camera knowledge is so bad that you don’t even know how to turn it on, or if cameras like this even have power buttons. In the end, you just look like a boomer who can’t figure out how to turn off their iPhone. You’re overwhelmed by unfamiliarity while everyone else treats it like it’s second nature.

You’ve always been the one to reach out and help others in your STEM classes. But in photography, you’re the one in need of help, and you don’t know how to ask for it from people who probably don’t give a shit about you.

Oh no. You feel the tears coming back.

“So… who’s the Instagram model you take photos for?” Your back arches up like a cornered cat until your mind processes who that soft voice belongs to. You turn your head to Jungkook standing there with the round glasses and dark circles and a lot more piercings than you’d expect from someone who most likely carries a 4.3 GPA. Damn, you really need to stop profiling people like that.

“Her name is Stella.” You pull out your phone, open the app, and hand it off to your curious classmate. Showing him your collection of cat photos is only slightly less embarrassing than explaining it with words.

“She’s cute…” he says as he scrolls through the chaotic adventures of Stella the cat. His thumb pauses over a post of her loafing and blepping. The photo quality and composition might not be up to the standards of this advanced class, but at least you can say you have an adorable kitty companion on your side. “You really don’t have any other experience with camerawork?”

You shake your head. “I literally know nothing about photography, and I’m not even supposed to be in this class, but my counselor won’t let me drop it because he’s a dipshit.”

“What was the reason he gave?”

“He said if one student drops the course, the whole thing would have to be canceled due to under-enrollment as if that would guilt-trip me into staying. Not that he even gave me a choice.”

Jungkook’s big eyes spot the tear about to fall down your cheek. You blink it away as fast as you can. The last thing you want is to look pitiful in front of another classmate. School is where you’re supposed to thrive, not be defeated.

“Anyway, thank you for letting me rant.” You give the boy a half-smile as you pack the camera back into its bag. You’ll have to watch some TikTok tutorials later. Especially since your very helpful professor has just handed out your first assignment to take a photo of “something cool” and make a print in “The Darkroom,” whatever the heck that is. You’re pretty sure it has to do with the occult club, and everyone else in the room is in on the joke except for you. Because you’re the only student who didn’t have the luxury of learning about The Darkroom in the beginner-friendly photography courses. Those damn prereqs.

But maybe, with Jungkook here, you don’t have to go through this shitty class alone.

Just as you’re about to leave the photography room with all your equipment, you turn to Jungkook who also has his mouth open with something to say.

Jungkook’s POV

You were definitely about to cry. And as much as Jungkook would rather not get involved with a cuter-than-average human, you’re exactly what he’s weak to. Especially when you have that tiny sparkle in your eyes—not the sparkle from the tears but from the passion you have for school. Your counselor really screwed you over for no reason, and Jungkook just wishes you didn’t have to suffer the consequences. You don’t deserve that.

He’ll help you so you won’t have to cry anymore. All he has to do is scare that dipshit counselor a little—perhaps drain him of his blood until he agrees to wipe the class from your schedule… or he could stand in solidarity with you and threaten to drop the course as well. He’ll go with whatever seems more convincing.

“Um, Jungkook?” Shit. Your voice is so sweet like honey. He’d really like to taste you right about now. But he can’t. That would be inappropriate.

Jungkook nods slowly, still very much entranced by your beauty and innocence. He can’t even look you in the eye. If he did, you’d surely notice how red his irises are turning with lust.

“If it’s not too much trouble for you, do you think you could help me pass this class?” You look so weak and vulnerable like you’re being a bother to him for asking for help. You’re probably not used to asking others for help because you seem like the kind of person who tends to rely on herself. “A couple of study dates might be fun.”

He bites his tongue as his eyes travel down to the floor between you and him. How can he respond to that—to someone as cute as you? He doesn't hate the idea of study dates, but he can’t let himself do that. He’d get too carried away and end up hurting you. That’s what happens with most vampire-human relationships he’s heard of. Your blood probably tastes like sugar. You’d become his new addiction. As soon as he gets a taste, he won’t be able to resist you. That’s the power you hold over him.

“Or, I mean, they don’t have to be dates… I didn’t mean to assume you were single or interested in someone like me or—” You pause to study Jungkook’s face. He must be doing a horrible job of concealing his internal struggles. You probably think he’s a loser by now. “Nevermind. Forget I said anything. I’ll figure things out on my own.”

Your voice is shaky as you walk away. He needs to do something, anything to cheer you up. The thought of seeing you sad hurts more than a silver dagger to the heart.

“Y/N,” Jungkook finally speaks. “Which counselor rejected your request to drop the class? I just wanna talk.”

As you lay on your bed and stare at the empty wall, you don’t really know how to feel after leaving that cursed class. Jungkook said he’d state his intentions to drop the course to put more pressure on your counselor, which was a kind gesture. But the boy also rejected your study dates. And that might be what hurts most. It’s a reminder of why you shouldn’t ask others for help. You’re the only person you can truly rely on.

After spending the rest of the afternoon feeling sorry for yourself, you finally look into some photography tutorials and set up a mini photoshoot for your cat. She cooperates at first but leaves you with a big scratch on your cheek for taking too long and getting too close to her with the lens. Great, even your own cat hates you.

By the time you’ve captured enough pics, it’s already dark out and way later than you thought. That works out, though, because it’s unlikely that anyone else will be in The Darkroom at this hour. The last thing you want is for any of your classmates to see you struggling in there.

The campus is eerily empty and quiet at night, and it’s at times like this when you’re thankful your apartment is only a five-minute walk away. The art building is empty too, but it’s going to take more than all those premature Halloween decorations to scare you off. After all, this totally beats the awkwardness of running into your classmates.

You hum as you open the door to The Darkroom. As one would expect, The Darkroom is quite dark. The red lighting screams occult club, but maybe that’s just you and your ignorance of both photography and the supernatural. Everything is fine until you hear a few things being knocked over. You’re not alone after all.

“Sorry, I didn’t know someone was in here. I’ll come back later,” you say without seeing which classmate it is. You suppose you can kill time by doing your daily Wordle on the bench in the halls. In honor of the premature Halloween decor surrounding you, your starter word will be “blood.” But before you can make a u-turn, you hear a voice that’s both familiar and different at the same time.

“I’m done in here. You can use it.” The voice exudes confidence and mystery in a way that’s luring you in. You step inside and see two glowing eyes staring back at you. The lighting makes them look almost burgundy.

“Wait, I didn’t just crash an occult club meeting, did I?” You probably did. That’s the only logical explanation (besides the lighting) for this person’s glowing red eyes. He could be cosplaying as a vampire for all you know. Apparently everyone is celebrating Halloween early this year.

“What?” he asks with a hint of amusement in his tone.

You walk further and further into The Darkroom until you can finally see who you’re talking to.

“Oh, it’s just you.” You breathe a sigh of relief. It’s just Jungkook. If it had been a cosplayer from the occult club or anyone else from your class, you would’ve opted for Wordle in a heartbeat. “For a second, I thought the occult club was doing their thing in here.”

“Their thing?” The boy’s brow piercing lifts. It takes a second for you to notice he isn’t wearing those cute round glasses, and you almost confuse his lip ring for a fang. His hand is also covered in tattoos that you’re 99% sure weren’t there before. He looks so different in this lighting.

“You know, like summoning demons, talking to ghosts. Stuff like that,” you hum, walking around The Darkroom like you understand what any of that equipment is used for.

“Or hunting vampires?” he plays along.

“Exactly,” you laugh. God, he’s so cute and definitely your type. It’s a shame your study date idea got shot down.

As soon as you make your way back around, you catch Jungkook staring at you, almost shamelessly. It’s a lot different from how he avoided eye contact with everyone during class.

“What happened here?” He points to his cheek, mirroring the spot where Stella the cat had her big meltdown. You're surprised he can see the cut in such shitty lighting without his glasses.

“My cat lashed out at me during our mini photoshoot. Are all models such divas?” As ridiculous as it sounds, that’s the direction your life is going in right now. If you can’t get into med school because of this whole debacle, you’ll be stuck as your feisty cat’s photographer for the rest of your life.

Jungkook narrows the gap between you and him until you can see the tiniest features on his face, like the cute little dot hiding in the shadow of his lower lip. The back of your thighs hit the counter as he cups your chin in his tattooed hand. His icy touch gives you goosebumps. The Darkroom suddenly feels too small to hold the both of you, like you’ll suffocate if you stay in there. You should probably leave, but something about the boy is enticing you to stay.

“It’s dangerous, you know. Letting your cat scratch you like that,” he whispers against your cheek. Despite how cold he may be, you feel your whole face heating up with him so close to you. The fact that he’s worried about a tiny cat scratch is so fucking endearing. You didn’t know such a boy existed.

“Yeah, it’s kind of unsanitary when their litter box claws cut into our skin like that, but I’m used to it,” you shrug.

“But you’re bleeding.” Jungkook’s burgundy eyes follow your thumb as you swipe it over the scratch. The wound does still feel a bit fresh.

“A little bit of blood won’t hurt anybody. Unless they have hemophobia.” It suddenly occurs to you that the boy might not fare well at the sight of blood. “Ah shit, do you have hemophobia?” you ask with the most concerned look on your face.

The boy shakes his head. “A vampire wouldn’t last long if they were scared of blood.”

He grabs ahold of your wrist and brings your hand up to his parted lips. Your thumb grazes the metal ring around his lip and then the sharp tips of his canines. His tongue caresses your thumb until there’s no more blood for him to taste.

Your head is spinning as he lets go of your wrist. You don’t need a biochemistry degree or an occult club membership to know that the boy pinning you against the counter isn’t human. And the cutie you met earlier with the round glasses is someone much darker and more mysterious than you could’ve ever imagined.

“Are you really a vampire?” you ask, looking right into those bloodstained eyes of his. You really hope so. A vampire would be a lot more socially acceptable than, say, a demon.

“Why don’t you test your theory?” Jungkook pulls the camera out of your bag and hands it to you. “Vampires supposedly don’t show up in photos, right?”

He’s not wrong, but you aren’t trying to waste any more time with that cursed film camera. Instead, you pull out your phone and—

“Hey, no cheating.” He snatches the phone from your grip and hands you back the cursed cam. You swipe your paw at him in hopes of reclaiming your phone, but he pulls it just out of your reach. Why is he being a dick all of a sudden? You liked him better when he was all shy and cute with the round glasses. But you suppose that was just a facade to distract people from what he actually is. “I’ll help you develop your film and make your print. Unless you were planning on going to TikTok for help.”

He’s not wrong, again. You did watch at least twenty photography TikToks with your cat before coming here, and even then, you’re not super confident about pulling the whole thing off without any mistakes.

“Okay fine,” you sigh, snapping a shot without even looking through the viewfinder. For a second, the alleged vampire looks like a deer in headlights.

“You do realize the lighting is practically nonexistent in here, right?” Unimpressed, Jungkook pulls you into the photography room across the hall and turns on the light. You squint the same way your cat does when you wake her up in the middle of the night to catch the creepy crawlies in your room. “And let me make sure your camera settings aren’t all fucked up.”

Once your eyes are finally adjusted, you get a better look at the boy fixing your camera. The red in his eyes isn’t as intense now, but they’re still really pretty. His hair is all ruffled in a super sexy way as opposed to the neatly combed style he had earlier in class. And all those hand tattoos make you wonder if there’s a whole sleeve of ink hidden beneath his shirt.

If he was cute as a button before, he’s hot as hell now.

“If you’re done drooling over me, you can take the picture now.” He takes his seat in the corner of the room and rests his legs on top of the desk like a gigachad. His icy stare into the camera is the icing on the cake. Turns out he’s good at modeling too.

“I wasn’t drooling over you,” you hiss. If he teases you one more time, you’re gonna lose it.

“Sorry, I meant eye-fucking me,” he hums as if that’s less of an insult. Whatever. You have to remind yourself that this arrogant boy is the key to passing this class. You can’t get into a scrap with him now or else your 4.15 GPA is as good as gone.

When the impromptu shoot is over, you have a decent amount of film ready to be developed. Hopefully Jungkook shows up in the prints whether or not he’s a vampire because you put a lot of thought into each composition. You’d also secretly want to keep the best one for your eyes only because that boy is truly a work of art. He may or may not be your new guilty pleasure.

Back in The Darkroom, Jungkook goes through the process with you step by step. He clarifies a lot of small details that your TikToks missed, like when you ask about the parts that need to be done in total darkness vs the red safelight. And he’s actually good at explaining it in a way that appeals to your scientist brain with all the chemicals and variables involved. He’d make a fantastic professor whom you wouldn’t mind bothering during office hours.

“We’ll let the film dry overnight and do the prints tomorrow,” the boy says as he gathers up his stuff and throws his jacket back on. Tomorrow? It’s a little concerning that you didn’t know this would be a two-day process.

“So I won’t know if you’re a vampire until tomorrow?” You’d like to know asap so you can rule out demon as a possibility because demons are kind of freaky. Although you’re sure Jungkook would find a way to make demons as seductive as vampires.

“Or I can answer your question right now.” He strides over to you and presses his lips into the nape of your neck. The way he sucks on your skin is delicate enough not to leave a mark but strong enough to send a naughty little signal down to the spot between your legs. “I’m told I’m not very gentle, though.”

Rough. He’s rough. And he could be rough with you. You wish you weren’t so turned on by that thought. This handsome vampire boy is really stirring the pot in that sacred section of your brain where all your sexual fantasies are stored away.

“I can wait until tomorrow,” you say before you can change your mind. No one said it would turn into sex (except for your dirty little mind), but now you’re curious to know what vampire sex might entail. Maybe it’s better than anything you’ve experienced.

“It’s better I leave before you tempt me with your other cat scratches, anyway. Specifically the ones on your thighs,” he says, ushering you out of The Darkroom and toward the exit of the art building. You’d like to know how he knows you have cat scratches on your thighs. Either vampire noses are extremely sensitive to blood, he has x-ray vision, or he’s aware of The Feline Urge to jump into your lap and knead your thighs with those tiny little claws. 

It’s much chillier outside now than it had been when you first arrived on campus. You didn’t think to bring a jacket, so you hug your camera bag in hopes that it’ll keep you warm on your walk home.

“Humans are so weak to the cold. It’s pathetic,” the boy says as if he doesn’t have any weaknesses of his own. Garlic? Silver? You make a note to yourself to compile a list of everything vampires might be weak to as soon as you get home. But instead of walking off like you’d expected him to do, he waits around and asks if you live nearby.

Jungkook’s POV

He should’ve just kept his mouth shut and let you walk home by yourself in the dark on this chilly autumn night. That’s what any other rational vampire would have done. After all, vampires know better than to get involved with humans. It’s statistically proven that humans are safer without vampires around. By that logic, you would’ve been better off walking home alone. 

But he would never live it down if something bad happened to you on your way home. It doesn’t matter that it’s just a five-minute walk. Besides, you looked so fragile and needy the way you clung to your camera bag for warmth.

So after shedding his jacket off and throwing it over your shivering shoulders, Jungkook finds himself walking you home. The five-minute walk isn’t unpleasant, either. He learns that you’re a biochemistry major hoping to get into a good med school, though he doesn’t think it should be an issue for someone as bright as you. You also talk a lot about your cat Stella and all her little antics and how you firmly believe that black cats are good luck instead of bad. He’s never considered himself much of a cat person, but that tiny sparkle in your eye is making him reconsider everything. Maybe he’ll visit the animal shelter tomorrow (just to browse!) or spend the rest of the night watching cat TikToks.

The most intriguing part is that, even though you suspect he’s not human, you haven’t treated him any differently. Typically, when humans learn of his vampire roots, they either freak out or ask too many questions pertaining to Twilight. You, on the other hand, make him feel like less of an alien and more like a boy you have a crush on. And that’s something he hasn’t felt for as long as he can remember.

As the two of you reach the door to your apartment, you hand the jacket back to him and pause before heading in.

“Thank you for tonight,” you say in the most angelic voice. “For helping me with the assignment and walking me home and not letting me freeze.”

“No problem.” That’s not entirely true. There’s definitely one problem he can think of. Now that he knows where you live, there’s little stopping him from knocking on your door like a pathetic lost puppy whenever he’s craving your taste. He’s already struggling to control himself around you as it is. He would have bitten straight into your neck and sapped you of your sweet syrupy blood if you hadn't said you were fine with waiting to see what the prints show. Curse you and your patience.

A meow and some scratches from inside prompt you to open the door. Your eager little kitty completely ignores you and circles Jungkook like a shark. Her tail is extra bushy as she rubs her face against his leg.

“Does that mean she likes me?” he asks. He knows about cat language as much as you know about photography—not much at all.

“She likes you more than she likes me,” you say, wiping away a fake tear as you step through the doorway. “C’mon Stella, we have to let Uncle Jungkook go home now.”

Still ignoring you, Stella stretches her arms up Jungkook’s leg. He quickly picks up on the cue to lift her and cradle her like a baby. The warmth of the cat is soothing against his cold vampire body.

“She wants to come home with me.” His lips curve upward ever so slightly as the sleepy kitty purrs against his chest. If a seven-pound cat can emit this much warmth in his arms, he has much to look forward to when you and him—No, no. He shouldn’t be thinking with his cock at a wholesome time like this.

“Fine, you can be her new photographer. See if I care,” you say with a faux hmph. Two seconds later, you’re desperately trying to pry the stubborn Stella out of Jungkook’s arms. And although you eventually get the cat back, she flails around in your arms for the remainder of the farewells.

“It was nice meeting you, Stella,” Jungkook says, waving goodbye as he reverses out of your doorway and heads toward his apartment. “Oh, and Y/N, keep the vampire thing between you and me.”

“Sure, I won’t tell anyone,” you call out to him. He knew he could count on you to be a good girl. “But only if you agree to go on some study dates with me.”

Fuck. He should have known you’d put conditions on it. He already rejected your study dates once, but things have changed since then. He’d been scared of losing control and hurting you if he got too close to you, but you showed him that sparkle in your eye and now he’s committed to helping you succeed in any way possible. Even if that means going on a few study dates with you. He just has to learn how to keep his blood and sex cravings in check.

“Fine,” he says.

@jjk817263: Hey, meet me outside the art building in 20 minutes so we can finish your prints.

@fairycatstella: sorry stella isnt taking on any more sponsorship requests at this time thank you

@jjk817263: No, no. I’m not a company contacting you about a sponsorship. It’s Jeon Jungkook. From your Advanced Photography class? The one with the glasses. I helped you develop your film in the darkroom.

You burst out laughing at your phone screen. Even after the night you spent with him in The Darkroom, he really thinks you’ve forgotten about him already. He’s as awkward online as he is during class with the round glasses. Except you don’t think he’s just pretending to be awkward right now. It’s kind of cute to see him squirm.

@fairycatstella: youre seriously asking me out on our first study date by sliding into my cat’s DMs??

@jjk817263: You didn’t give me your number.

@fairycatstella: you didnt ask for it! smh

@jjk817263: Whatever. Stop calling it a study date or I’ll suck you dry🧛

@fairycatstella: you dont scare me btw

@fairycatstella: unless youre actually a demon. demons are 🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️🙅‍♀️

@jjk817263: What’s wrong with demons? What’d they ever do to you?

@fairycatstella: have you ever seen demon slayer

@jjk817263: Yeah, I’ve seen some demon slayers in my days.

@fairycatstella: 👁👄👁

@fairycatstella: nvm we can watch it together on another date. it’s good but too scary to watch alone

@jjk817263: I swear if you call it a date one more time, I’ll call up all my demon buddies and you can host a watch party with them.

@fairycatstella: DATE💋

You smile to yourself like an idiot. As much as you’d like to tease him about his cute little “threats,” you have a study date to get ready for.

When you arrive on campus, you immediately spot the boy with round glasses leaning against the concrete structure just outside the art building. It’s still early in the day, which probably explains why his dark circles are so prominent. That doesn’t make him any less cute, though.

“Hey,” you say, tapping on his shoulder. He looks up from his phone and nods, barely acknowledging your existence. Wow, you can’t believe you made an effort to look cute in your corduroy dress only for him to give you the cold shoulder. Literally. You suppose that’s where the expression comes from. “Ready for our study date?”

Jungkook narrows his eyes at the taboo phrase.

“Ready to meet my demon friends? I have a lot of them, you know. And they’re always hungry. That watch party isn’t going to be so fun when you see your grocery bill,” he throws back at you. He’s serious about it, too. 

“Oh no, that’s absolutely terrifying,” you snicker. You honestly don’t care what kind of wholesome threats Jungkook comes up with next. Sounds like he wouldn’t harm a fly, like he’d catch it and release it outside instead of swatting it against the wall. So yeah. You’re going to keep calling it a study date until he completely loses it, bites you, and introduces you to the forbidden concept of angry vampire sex.

He shuts his eyes, rubs his temples, and mutters something along the lines of, “for fucks sake,” as he drags you into The Darkroom.

As soon as the two of you step inside, Jungkook removes the round glasses. His dark circles slowly start to disappear as the red deepens in his eyes. His tattoos creep onto his skin like they’re drawing themselves in. What a beautifully mysterious creature he is.

You’re suddenly reminded of something worth mentioning. “I’ve been meaning to ask why you downplay your appearance so much with other people.” Or whenever he’s not alone with you. You get that the darkness plays a role in altering a few of his physical features, but no one’s forcing him to wear those glasses.

“You mean why I look like the nerdy kid sitting on a 4.3 GPA?” It’s as if he can read your mind. Maybe that’s one of his vampire powers.

You nod, although you don’t mean it as an insult the way it came off when he said it.

“So people don’t ask me out on study dates.” He cocks his head with a smirk. Oh boy, he really knows how hot he is and how many people would ask him out if he looked like this all the time. He’s like the opposite of a catfish, except his “nerdy kid sitting on a 4.3 GPA” look was still cute enough to bait you into asking him out.

“What do you have against dates?” 

He shrugs. As much as he likes to complain about study dates, he’s pretty quiet now. 

Ah, shit. Maybe he’s aromantic and you overstepped. Or maybe he’s just not interested in you. Fuck.

To fill the silence, you start on the next steps in making your prints, whatever those might be. You must look like a lost lamb because you’re pacing back and forth holding things and not knowing what to do with them. Thankfully, the boy steps in to guide you the rest of the way. Crisis avoided.

As your first print sits in the developer solution, you watch the shape of the boy’s body fade onto the page—his hands clasped behind his head, his legs propped up on the desk, and his gorgeous eyes that still pierce through you in black and white. You should’ve guessed he’d show up in the print, considering you did see him in the tiny negatives that developed last night. Still, it’s not like you knew at which point vampires were supposed to magically disappear in the photography process.

Does that mean he’s not a vampire after all?

“Still drooling over me, huh?” Jungkook says as he monitors his own print soaking in the solution. His photo looks like a small pond, but it’s hard to make out anything beyond that until it develops more. “Don’t forget to move the print to the next solution.”

You do as you’re told and move your print into the stop bath. Perhaps you’re a little biased, but your photo of the boy looks like it’s coming out pretty well, composition and all. Or maybe he’s just handsome enough to make any lackluster photo into something extraordinary. It’s probably a mix of both.

After letting your print sit in the stop bath and fixer solutions, you admire the finished product of your first attempt at traditional photography. Okay, yes, Jeon Jungkook is really, really hot, and he photographs well. You’ve already established that fifty times by now. But you’re also proud that you made some creative decisions and didn’t fuck it up the way you’d been half expecting. Maybe this advanced photography class won’t be the bane of your existence after all. And at the very least, you’ll come out of this class with some eye candy decor to liven up your minimalist bedroom.

“The whole thing about vampires and photos is just a myth, you know.” Jungkook walks over to your station and points at himself on your print. “I can confirm that this guy you’re drooling over is really a vampire.”

You nod, relieved that he’s not an evil demon prince or anything scary like that. At this point, it would’ve been a bit of a letdown if it turned out he wasn’t a vampire. It also puts your mind at ease to know there’s some sort of explanation for his fetish with your cat scratches, even if it’s not a scientific one.

The thought of vampire sex doesn’t even cross your mind. Until it does. For some reason, you imagine that cute boy with the round glasses losing himself in a desperate lust and longing for your body after getting the tiniest taste of your blood. You hope he’s as rough as they say he is.

To distract yourself from those wildly inappropriate thoughts, you look through your strips of film for more photos to print. You pick the one you took of your cat just before she pounced at you and another of the vampire that focuses on the details of his hand tattoos.

While you process those prints one by one, you examine Jungkook’s completed pond print. It gives off quiet, cozy vibes with a family of ducks out for a swim and a couple sitting in the grass with their sketchbooks out. How do you know they’re a couple? You don’t, but that’s the assumption from the onlooker's point of view. And it’s a tender moment that you wouldn’t expect from a guy who acts like dates are taboo.

“This might be a dumb question, but can vampires feel things in a romantic sense?” You really hope the question doesn’t come off as insensitive in any way. But you’re curious to know more. After all, he’s still very much a mystery to you.

Jungkook nods. “Unfortunately, yeah. We can feel whatever humans feel. Less of some things, like the cold. And more of other things.”

Heartbreak. You wonder if heartbreak is to blame for his dark response to your question and his distaste for dates.

“You asked what I have against dates,” he continues as you move your cat print from one solution to the next. “I don’t have anything against them. I just avoid them to avoid feeling certain feelings.”

“You don’t want to feel romantic feelings?” You finish the cat print and start on the one with Jungkook’s hand tattoos. 

“It’s complicated for vampires.” He frowns at your cat print. It’s a cute pic of Stella’s dilated pupils, but the blurriness isn’t going to work for your assignment. You suppose you’ll just hang it up next to your eye candy decor. “And it’s especially complicated when said vampires let themselves fall for humans. You look like the kind of person who’s seen all the Twilight movies ten times, but you don’t need to be a diehard fan to realize the consequences of that sort of relationship.”

Perhaps he’s afraid of endangering the human he falls in love with. You don’t exactly know how much self-control vampires have over their lust for blood, but regardless, it’s in their nature to prey on humans. By avoiding close interactions with humans (ie. your bothersome study dates), nobody catches feelings, and nobody gets hurt. If you had to guess, that’s the reason why Jungkook tries to be so distant and cold with you. Because if he outright hated you, he wouldn’t waste his time guiding you through the basics of photography.

“First of all, how dare you profile me and assume I’ve watched the Twilight movies ten times.” You’ve actually seen them over twenty times each, but who’s counting? “Second of all, is the Volturi coming for us? Don’t answer that. And lastly, does a relationship really have to be off the table for you?”

Jungkook shakes his head. “It’s situational.”

That’s true. You can’t always control how you feel or who you fall in love with, no matter how hard you try not to. But that’s all you really needed to hear from him—assurance that he’d give love a chance if that’s where his heart’s pointing him.

“Anyway,” he says, clearly ready to change the topic. You barely hear him because you’re busy humming away as you pull your last print from the fixer solution. “You look awfully happy making all those prints.”

“I think I finally got the hang of it.” You glance at the hand tattoo print and decide to submit that one for the class assignment. You captured the details of his tattoos pretty well, and the exposure is just right. It also helps that Jungkook’s face is out of frame so that your classmates can’t start any rumors. Mission accomplished.

“Weren’t you crying just yesterday about not being able to drop this class?” he teases you. You knew it. He’d seen the tears you tried to blink away, he’d heard your cry for help when you ranted to him about your dipshit counselor, and he did what he could to help you find your footing again after you’d hit rock bottom.

“That was before you agreed to my study dates,” you remind him. “Before you helped me realize I’m not actually terrible at photography.”

“So you’re saying I threatened your counselor into letting you drop the class for nothing?”

“You got him to change his mind?” Your eyes widen. Who would’ve thought that worthless counselor would have a change of heart. “What’d you threaten him with? A tea party with the boys?”

“The boys?”

“Your hungry demon buddies, obviously. I’m sure they’d love some biscuits and scones.”

“They prefer meat, actually. The expensive kind,” he plays along to your banter. “Are you taking notes for your grocery run before the big watch party?”

As much as you’d love to conquer your fear of demons, you don’t want a big watch party. You want it to be just you and him—a party of two that involves minimal watching and lots of touching.

“Well, regardless of your method, thank you for dealing with that headache of a counselor for my sake,” you say. He didn’t have to do that for you nor did he have to teach you everything you know about photography. But he did, and that means the world to you. He might act all cold and arrogant sometimes, but you know he’s still as caring as the bespectacled cutie you first met in class. 

“So what’s the verdict? Are you gonna drop the class or stick around?”

“I would have dropped it,” you start off. If not for a certain vampire, you’d be running down to the counseling office as fast as you can to banish that class from your schedule. But since Jungkook’s willing to keep up these study dates for the rest of the semester, you’d like to think you can pass the class without jeopardizing your chances of getting into a good med school. You’re sure your cat’s influencer status will also benefit from all the photo tips and tricks you’ll learn along the way. “But right now, you’re giving me every reason to stay.”

“Good.” He eyes you up and down, more so out of admiration than lust. Looks like your efforts to look cute are paying off after all. “You’re the only one I can tolerate in that class.”

“Aww, you’d be lonely without me?” you tease with a big fat smile on your face.

“I didn’t say that.” Deny, deny, deny. You don’t buy it anyway. “It’d be a lot more boring, though. That’s for sure.”

Jungkook steps closer until you can feel the chill of his body robbing you of your warmth. He pulls the prints out of your hands and tosses them aside onto the counter behind you. With your hands now free to roam, you slide them up to his neck and comb them through the stubborn tuft of hair sticking up. His eyes are the reddest you’ve seen them. That’s not all, though. Under the red lights, everything feels more intense—the intimacy, the temptation, and the kind of danger you aren’t afraid to explore.

He slips the strap of your dress off your shoulder and strokes his thumb against a sensitive spot along the nape of your neck. The chills you get from his cold touch fuel the heat down below, right between your legs. You’re curious to know how good it’d feel to have his icy fingers all over your hot little pussy. Amazing, probably.

You feel something sharp and jagged graze your skin like a cat claw when Stella paws you politely for attention. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s also not cutting into your skin at all. The boy pulls back for a second to hold your gaze.

“It’ll hurt a lot more than a cat scratch, you know.”

“More than a cat bite, too?”

“Yes.”

“More than a lip piercing?”

“Yes.”

“More than a tat—”

“Y/N,” he puts an end to your rambling. You only shut up because you like the way it sounds when he says your name. “It’s painful, and I’m not just saying that to scare you. I won’t do it if—”

“I’ll be okay,” you assure him. You may or may not have cried once when your cat bit your toe in her teething days, but he doesn’t need to know that. The last thing you want to do is chase away the boy who’d avoided close human interactions up until this point.

He nods before spinning you around and pinning you against the counter with your ass facing him. You tilt your head to the side and let him grope one of your breasts from behind as he finds that sweet spot on your neck once more. Your grip around his arm tightens in anticipation.

Before you know it, all you feel is a rush of pain. The kind of pain you’d imagine if your cat evolved into a saber-toothed tiger and made you her next meal. You can’t tell if it’s his fangs sinking deeper into your skin or the rapid draining of your blood that hurts more. The boy bites down harder, and a whimper escapes your throat against your will. This one feels more like an injection with the fattest needle the doctor can find. A different sensation from pain quickly invades your body. It’s burning with intensity.

The two holes in your neck suddenly feel hollow as the boy pulls back to check on you. You look over your shoulder. His eyes are wide with concern, and his lips are beautifully plump and drenched in your blood. It looks more like a sweet strawberry glaze. Is it bad that you want him to kiss you with those lips?

“You okay?” He wipes the blood from his mouth and licks it off his thumb before it can drip down his chin. His tongue cleans up your neck as well. To your surprise, the pain vanishes, or maybe you’re just numb to it. 

You nod. You might not have been okay a few seconds ago, but you are now. Your body just feels hot. Really hot. Like if Jungkook doesn’t get you out of your dress right now, you’re going to lose it. 

You spin around to face him and press your body against his. Your fists cling to his black crewneck, your eyes beg for him to undress you, your body aches to be touched.

Finally, the boy takes a hint and slips your body out of the dress. He lifts you onto the counter and stares at you in your cutest lingerie, perhaps plotting where he might bite you next. Before he can think too much about it, you throw your arms around his neck and your legs around his waist.

His lips collide with yours. Your tongue gets tangled with his. It’s messy, dirty, loud, but you love every second of it. Not even the hint of blood you taste can spoil the moment.

“Mm, you're driving me mad, Jeon,” you whisper down his throat as you start grinding against his crotch. That big bulge in his pant has been tempting you for far too long. You wonder if anyone’s ever been kicked out of photography class for having sex in The Darkroom. Thankfully, there’s a lock so no one can walk in while you’re being fucked on top of the counter… or while negatives and prints are being developed.

You feel his hands sneak down from your waist. The tips of his fingers loop around your panties and slip them off your booty with such finesse. You’re ready to return the favor by freeing what you assume is a nice and swollen vampire cock trapped in his tight jeans, but he keeps on going with his own agenda. You’re not complaining.

He lifts one of your legs and leaves a trail of eager kisses up your inner thigh. His lips are so soft that you almost forget about his fangs. He could very easily bite you again, but he doesn’t.

As his lips get closer to your center, you can’t stop thinking about how desperately you need his tongue to soothe the unbearable ache between your legs. You haven’t even been touched yet, but you already tell that you won’t last long.

Before he goes in for a taste, he glances up at you helplessly pleading with your eyes for him to start pleasuring you already. Your face is so flushed with heat and sex, and it’s apparently distracting enough for Jungkook to stare at for a good minute instead of touching you.

Impatient and frustrated, you move your own hand down, but you’re immediately caught. He holds your wrist with a firm grip and gives you a devilish smirk. “I want to watch you squirm some more for me.”

You knew it. He gets a real kick out of torturing you in such an aroused state. You whine like a hungry little kitten as you roll your hips out of desperation, but there’s nothing to grind against, nothing to rub away your thirst for raw and rough sex. You’re so powerless.

“Good girl.” Pleased with your behavior, the vampire licks his thumb and strokes you once between your wet folds. You cry out in pleasure with your head thrown back and almost come on the spot. That’s how well your body responds to his touch and the sound of his voice.

“More,” you beg. You’re back to square one with nothing but a soaked pussy that isn’t being tended to. Who knows how long he intends to keep toying with you like this. “Please, more.”

He throws both of your thighs over his shoulders and pulls you in by the ass until he’s got the perfect view of your poor little pussy all drenched in your own lust. You don’t think you’ve ever been this wet in your entire life. 

You admittedly have a kink for guys eating you out, but all the other guys you’ve slept with had to be convinced to test the waters (they were shitty), and a few of them didn’t even bother hiding their lack of enthusiasm (they were shittier). So the fact that Jungkook’s mouth naturally gravitates down there is not only a pleasant surprise but also a huge turn-on. You wonder if he somehow picked up on that kink of yours, or if it’s a byproduct of being a vampire who lusts after the taste of his lover.

Without warning, his tongue presses into you and flirts with that swollen aching bud of yours. You grab a fistful of the boy’s hair the way you’d be clawing bedsheets if the two of you weren’t stuck doing it on campus. God, he must be so fucking good in bed where no one has to worry about knocking over expensive photo equipment or spilling chemicals out of the trays neither of you bothered emptying before things got physical.

The first time he sucks your clit between his lips, the raw and filthy moan you let out is comparable to the moans you usually reserve for the best orgasms. That’s how fucking good his mouth feels. Hopefully, the walls can block sound as effectively as they block light.

“Don’t come yet,” he warns, still very much into your pretty little pussy. You nod submissively even though he’s far too invested in eating you out to look up. There’s something so charming about a guy who likes giving oral as much as he likes being the dominant one. Jungkook clearly knows how to do both.

You really start to come undone when he feasts on your clit like a lollipop, working his tongue and sucking at the same time. It must be the best lollipop in the world because he’s really going at it with impassioned moans and groans of his own. Hearing him enjoy it only brings you closer to hitting your high. Your eyes roll back and your lewd sounds keep leaking out of you like a broken record, as if your body has completely surrendered to the pleasure he’s giving you.

“Fuck, Jungkook, please, I—”

There’s a knock at the door.

Your whole body stiffens. You’ve never been interrupted during sex. What do people normally do? You’d ask Jungkook, but he’s still busy with your lower half.  And he obviously knows there’s someone waiting outside because he snorts at the muffled gasp you almost fail to contain.

“Um, we’ll be out in a minute, sorry,” you call out in as steady of a voice as you can manage while on the verge of coming.

A second later, the boy finishes you off with a soft and sneaky bite and a whole lot of tongue to help you ride out your orgasm. It’s probably the only vampire bite that’s all pleasure and no pain. You wish all of them could be like that.

Your sex sounds would have been much louder and filthier if someone wasn’t waiting on the other side of the door, but the soft whimpering you do isn’t exactly wholesome either. Even after the pleasure fades, you need to take a moment to catch your breath and come back down to reality. 

Jungkook does the same, dropping your legs from his shoulders and licking your creamy lust off his lips. He waits at the door for you to straighten up and slip your dress back on since you were the only one on the receiving end. It’s an absolute tragedy that his cock didn’t get any action, but you’re hopeful there will be a next time.

“Would you have kept going?” you ask after the two of you escape The Darkroom. He’s walking you home without even offering.

“Did it seem like I was done with you?” He narrows his eyes at your ignorance.

“No… but I mean, how much longer were you going to make me wait?” If you had to guess, you’d say he had another solid twenty minutes in him. After all, he was savoring every bit of your taste.

“That’s for you to find out next time,” he says so nonchalantly. So there definitely will be a next time. Good to know. Now you have time to mentally prepare for the long and delicious torture ahead. “You’re gonna wish someone interrupts us again.”

Sounds promising.

Jungkook’s POV

“Hey, can I tell you a secret?” you ask him with that dang sparkle in your eye. He nods, of course. “I think I enjoyed our quickie in The Darkroom more than any sex I’ve had in the bedroom.”

That’s because vampire fangs contain a special venom that temporarily enhances the sexual urges and pleasures of the humans they bite. Apparently, it brings their pleasure up to the same intensity that vampires feel (aka a lot more than the average human).

The problem is that Jungkook doesn’t know how to bring it up to you. You clearly didn’t handle the bite all that well, and he doesn’t want to sound like he’s just pressuring you into giving him your blood in exchange for a better sexual experience.

“Do the Twilight vampires have any special venom?” he asks.

“It turns humans into vampires, I think,” you shrug. “Why? Are you planning on turning me into a vampire?”

“No, no,” he waves off your valid accusation. That’s a loaded question for some other time. “The venom I injected you with—”

“You injected me with venom?”

“Yeah, but it’s harmless… kind of.” He’s digging himself into a hole. It’s probably better to just be frank. “It’s like a sex enhancer so humans can feel the same level of pleasure as us.”

“Oh.” You purse your lips in thought. Your duck face is quite adorable. “Is that why I felt so hot after you bit me?”

“Yeah,” he nods. “I should’ve told you soon—”

“Wait, so are you actually bad at giving oral, but I just enjoyed it because of the sex venom?” Another valid (but rude) accusation. He can tell you’re just messing with him, though. You do this cute little nose scrunch thing whenever you’re being flirty.

“Fine, I won’t bite you next time.” All this talk about a next time. Hopefully you want a next time as much as he does. He’s already yearning for your body to be his again. “Then you can tell me how much you hate it while your wet little pussy rubs itself against my tongue and—”

“Okay, I get it. You’re a good lay with or without the sex venom,” you snicker. The way you keep referring to it as “the sex venom” is so endearing for no reason. Everything you do at this point is charming the fuck out of him. That’s how bad he has it for you, though he’d never outright admit it.

When the two of you arrive at your doorstep, Jungkook waits for you to pull out your keys and say goodbye. But instead, you stand there and blink at him. He blinks back.

“Do vampires need to be invited in?” You sound so shy all of a sudden. Maybe you like his company. Maybe you want someone to cuddle up to while watching that demon thing you won’t shut up about.

“Is that your way of inviting me in?”

“We could watch Demon Slayer?” you suggest as you open the door and usher him in. He still has no idea what Demon Slayer is, but he’ll watch it with you if it means you’ll never lose that mischievous little sparkle in your eye. 

Jungkook nods. He’s starting to feel like what the kids these days call a “simp.” Except, the things he does for you are unconditional. He’s never looking for anything in return, not when he talked your counselor into letting you drop the class, nor when he decided to help you out in the darkroom. The only thing he’s made you promise is to keep the vampire thing a secret. And that just comes with the territory.

“Don’t invite your demon friends, though.” You throw your arms over his shoulders and give him a nice long kiss. God, he loves how good you taste. Kisses aren’t supposed to be sweeter than blood, but yours are. “I want you all to myself.”

He carries you to the bedroom, plays with your cat, and decides that Inosuke is his favorite Demon Slayer character. He even helps you hang up your new wall decor even though it makes him feel like he’s your new celebrity crush. 

But his favorite part is the way you run your little fingers across his cold skin, the way you trace his tattoos and say you want one too, and the warmth you radiate when you’re with him.

Ooh my heart hurts for Jungkook. I know he hurt oc but, I am all for Jungkook. I can't wait to read his side of the story.

our beloved summer (05) | jjk

You made a vow to hate Jeon Jungkook ever since he packed up and left you without a single explanation, but when he shows up at your door after years of radio silence, it turns out that maybe your resolve isn't as strong as you thought.

pairing: producer!jungkook x songwriter!reader

genre/warnings: exes au, fluff, angst, eventual smut, drinking, swearing, crying, Sad Boy JK Hours ??, valentino!yoongi bc that should be a whole warning 🥵 even though he's there and not really there for literally 2 seconds lol

rating: PG-15

word count: 9.5k

note: this is the most stressed out i've ever been while trying to post a fic 💀 argh anyway, 2 obs updates in one month ?? is this even real life !! consider this a (lunar) new year's present from me to everyone who celebrates it and also to everyone who doesn't !! idk i'm bad at notes and i'm delirious so that's it 😗

series masterpost / main playlist ; interactive playlist ; moodboards ; taglist

— as always, i’d appreciate any thoughts or comments you may have, and please drop a like and/or reblog if you enjoy reading ♡

Hey, I feel like if we gave it one night You'd hate me less and make it alright Just wish that we could fight now I'd hold you on the comedown

Rockland - Gracie Abrams

One thing about you, is that you don’t do well with change.

After you moved out of the first apartment you got as an adult, you constantly went back to your old neighborhood even though it wasn’t close to your new place. You kept walking those familiar streets, kept shopping at the stores where the workers knew your name. At night, you still pictured yourself living there, with all of your furniture and clothes and decorations that you’ve already emptied from those old bones. Then, you imagined what the new tenant was like, if they could feel the lingering love you had for that apartment. You wondered if they were putting the coffee table you left behind to good use, or if they thought that it looked out of place among all of their belongings and had already thrown it away.

Jimin called you weird for that, but he didn’t know that you always leave a piece of yourself everywhere you go. The biggest pieces, you think, are hidden somewhere in a closet in your childhood bedroom where your mother still lives, and in the tiny space of your dorm room where you spent most of your college years.

It took you more than half a year to finally start considering your new apartment home. 

Because you hate change. Change is scary. Change is walking into a pitch-black tunnel with no flashlight, not knowing what awaits you in the darkness and not knowing if you’ll make it to the other side.

That isn’t to say that change is inherently bad. You’ve experienced good changes before. Arguably, Jungkook was a good change when he went from someone you couldn’t tolerate, to the love of your life back then. You were happy with him, so blissfully happy that for a while, you forgot what it was like to experience any other emotion.

Yoongi has always been your friend. It didn’t take you two very long to become well acquainted with one another and from there, develop a good friendship. You have never thought of him as anything other than a friend. Even when he was your boss, he still felt more like a friend.

As you sit next to him in a bar too empty for your liking – but seems right for a Tuesday night – you feel a palpable shift between the two of you.

When your phone vibrates with a notification, you glance at it only to exhale annoyedly – unclear whether this frustration is directed toward yourself, or the person blowing up your mobile; maybe it’s both. That’s the nth message that Jungkook has sent you in the last couple of hours, and you don’t need to read it to know that it’s probably another iteration of the same apology. How many different ways are there to say “Hey, I’m sorry for fucking the receptionist and then having the balls to tell you that you’re the unprofessional one when you didn’t even do anything.” Apparently a lot, because the texts just keep coming.  

“Jungkook again?” Yoongi asks from beside you. Fuck. You’ve mostly been silently moping since he brought you here, too enmeshed in your own web of muddled thoughts that you forgot he’s someone you need to make amends with too. 

You give him a nod but still continue to stare at the drink in front of you, trying to disentangle your Yoongi thoughts from your Jungkook ones. 

Taking a sip of your drink, your face manages to keep a grimace at bay as the liquid ambushes your tastebuds. You don’t like whiskey, but you need something to hate more than yourself tonight. When you set the glass down, the alcohol sloshes around like a compact sea of your own amber-colored miseries.

“I’m sorry,” you say finally. “This is unfair to you. I don’t know what came over me. I just want you to know that this isn’t me responding to…” To your confession.

“If you’re about to say what I think you’re about to say, then I have to stop you right now.”

“Yoongi…”

“I’m not saying that you can’t turn me down, although I hope you don’t do that,” he chuckles. “I’m just saying that whatever you do, whether you give me a chance or reject me, I want you to decide after you’ve really thought about it, about me.”

You can’t say no to that; it’s only fair. Yoongi knows what he deserves. You haven’t looked at him in any other way, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t. Didn’t you say it yourself, that maybe you should start putting yourself out there? Well, here is someone coming to you before you even have to look anywhere. You may not have expected Yoongi, but then, you didn’t expect Jungkook either.

Yoongi could be the good change you need.

Nevertheless, you want to tell him you’re sorry for the other night. It should be fairly simple, but the words have a hard time dislodging themselves from your throat.

“I’m sorry about what I said that night at dinner… and what I did…”

Yoongi props an elbow on the bar top and leans forward to rest his chin in the palm of his hand, his eyes glimmering with mischief. “Remind me what it is that you did again?”

“Come on, I’m serious.” You are grateful that he’s trying to keep it light, though.

“I’m serious too. I seem to have forgotten.”

“Yoongi…”

“Yes, Y/N?”

You sigh, shutting your eyes momentarily. Recalling the moment makes you flush with embarrassment, bringing a splash of color to your cheeks which Yoongi always seems to enjoy.

In a quiet voice, you say, “I’m sorry for throwing salt at you…”

“You threw salt at me!” He tips his head back, laughing freely. The bartender spares you two a glance at the sudden disruption. “You shouldn’t go around throwing salt at people!”

“Stop laughing! I’m trying to apologize.” You punch his arm out of habit and for a second there, you forget that your relationship with Yoongi isn’t the same anymore. Changed forever.

“Okay, okay, I’ll stop. Jeez, why are you so violent?” He rubs the spot where you hit him, muttering under his breath something about him bruising like a peach. “Apology accepted. No hard feelings.”

“Okay, good. But I still want you to know that if you were expecting anything from tonight…”

Yoongi ruffles your hair with a scoff. “I’m not that dense. Of course I’m not expecting anything.” When you peer at him with curious and unsure eyes, he continues, “Y/N, earlier you looked like you wanted to set the place on fire and Jungkook looked like he was about to shit himself. Tonight, I’m just a friend who’s here for you if you want to vent. We’re just two buddies having a drink, that’s all.”

He makes it sound so simple, while your brain is already going haywire.

Despite yourself, you chuckle at his words. You tell him how much you appreciate it, though you don’t really tell him anything about what happened this afternoon, just that Jungkook said some stuff that pissed you off. You can’t tell him exactly what Jungkook did to anger you without alluding to the confession for which Yoongi is letting you off the hook for now.

“Do you wanna come with me tomorrow?” Yoongi asks.

“Come with you where?”

“I have a shoot with Valentino in the morning.”

“You have a photoshoot not even 12 hours from now and you’re here drinking? Aren’t you gonna wake up puffy or something?”

“Yeah, my manager would kill me if she knows what I’m doing,” he replies casually, like his manager has a telepathic connection with him and she can sense him mocking her over a drink. When people see Agust D, they tend to only see the icy exterior that he dons. That tough, maybe even callous, image has sustained him in the entertainment industry for years. For many, Agust D seems intimidating and unapproachable. That’s how you felt when you first met him too. But after a while, you got to see Min Yoongi, and Min Yoongi is nothing if not warm and tender-hearted, even if he’s a little shit sometimes. At least, that’s what he has always been like to you. “She thinks I’m getting my beauty sleep right now.”

You lightly snort at that, telling him, “Yeah, you need it.”

When you start to yawn, Yoongi calls a driver to drop you off at your place. The ride is mostly silent, because you’re tired and because you’re not sure what to say to Yoongi in the presence of a stranger taking you home. The car pulls up to your building soon enough, and before you can step out and tell him goodnight, he offers to walk you up. He takes the elevator with you to your floor, how gallant but unnecessary. When you reach your door, you wonder whether you should invite him in for a glass of water or something. If this was a week – or even just a couple of days – earlier, you would’ve had no reason to hesitate.  He doesn’t ask if he can come in but instead takes one of your hands.

“I see you’ve been giving yourself some TLC. They’re a lot better now,” he comments, smoothing his thumb over your skin. You’ve been diligent with your hand care routine since he gave you that lotion. It feels nice, and it smells amazing. Besides, your hands were starting to hurt anyway.

Silence descends upon the two of you as you become aware of Yoongi touching you, and the weight of the answer you’ve yet to give him. He must feel you stiffen, because he lets you go and smiles.

“Relax, princess. Get some sleep, you’re the one who needs it. I said I’ll let you think about it, didn’t I? Stop stressing so much.” His index finger taps your cheek playfully, so familiar yet so foreign at the same time. The wink that he tacks on makes you roll your eyes. You watch Yoongi make his way to the elevator, step in and press the button for the ground floor. He maintains eye contact with you as he waits for the doors to shut, and you don’t think you’ve really noticed before how Yoongi carries himself with such confidence and poise even when he’s off-camera. That’s just the kind of person he is and it’s… kind of attractive.

You can’t even fish around in your bag for your keys, you just stand there because he keeps your gaze trained on him. His eyes are alluring even under the shitty lighting of your building’s elevator. Before the lift closes, his voice carries over from the metal box to your door, and you don’t know if it’s the echo of his low timbre in the empty hallway that makes you shiver, or if it’s just Yoongi.

“I’ve waited this long, what’s a little more time?”

One week. This is a record for you and Taehyung.

You’re still baffled by his attitude that night, and no one has cleared anything up for you. He was right, but that doesn’t mean you were wrong. You stand by your initial reaction. Could anyone really blame you for that? In your defense, who the fuck could believe that a worldclass megastar has romantic feelings for them? Not to mention that the person whom the megastar in question has feelings for is you! You, the pathetic girl who can’t seem to get over her ex. Yoongi had to sit through a whole hour of you drunkenly crying over Jungkook, for fuck’s sake!

That really wasn’t your best moment, but it’s not like you even remember it anyway.

Your phone buzzes to life with Jimin’s face taking over the whole screen – a photo of your hand squishing his full cheeks until his lips jut out. “Hey Minnie,” you greet him once you’ve swiped to accept the call.

“Y/N,” he says, sounding out of breath. “Where are you?”

“I’m at home. Where are you? Are you doing pull-ups again? You know you practically hyperventilate when you do more than 3.”

“Shut up, I’m at dance practice. But listen, have you talked to Tae yet?”

You purse your lips at the mention of his name. “No. We’re supposed to go grocery shopping tomorrow like we always do, but I guess that won’t be happening.”

Jimin hums, like he’s in thought. He doesn’t speak again until his breathing has calmed. “Well, can you go to his place right now?”

“Why?”

“He’s sick and I’m kind of worried about him. He hasn’t answered my messages.”

You frown. “Tae’s sick?”

“Yeah, he must’ve caught a cold the other day. Could you go over there and check on him? I would go but I can’t leave for another few hours.”

You agree to go, because of course you would. Even if you’re stubborn and hot-headed, no amount of pettiness could make you ignore your friends especially when they’re unwell and need somebody. Especially when it’s Taehyung who’s been there for you so many times.

You stay on the call with Jimin for another ten whole minutes even after you have said you would go, because he keeps droning on and on about how shitty Taehyung looked yesterday.

Before you go to your best friend’s apartment, you stop by your regular diner to pick up some comfort food for him, and the pharmacy for some medicine. During the rest of the drive there, you start getting a little worried. When Taehyung takes care of a sick you or Jimin, he practically goes into full mama bear mode, making sure that you’re as comfortable as humanly possible and not leaving your side until you’re a functional human being again. But when it comes to his own wellbeing, Taehyung doesn’t seem to be that concerned. It’s not that he neglects his health, but you wish that he would show himself the same kindness that he shows you.

It feels weird to use the spare key that you have to his place, considering that you aren’t really on speaking terms. In hindsight, it feels so childish. How old are you to still be pulling the silent treatment on each other? 

You ring the doorbell and wait a couple minutes until you hear Taehyung shuffling to get the door from the other side. When it swings open, he tenses up a bit, not expecting to see you at all. His hair is damp; he must’ve just gotten out of the shower. Taehyung doesn’t look as bad as Jimin described though. Just some dark circles under his eyes.

You raise a hand and wave. “Hi.”

“Hi,” he parrots somewhat awkwardly. It’s understandable; neither of you thought you’d be the one to break the ice. “What are you doing here?”

Bringing your other hand up, you show him the bag you’re holding. “Brought you soup and cold meds. Jimin said you’re sick.”

His brows knit together in confusion. “Thanks…” he says slowly, “but I’m not sick?”

“But Jimin said you caught a cold and you’ve been wheezing like a dying fisherman and–” You purse your lips, catching onto what’s really happening here. “He tricked me, didn’t he?”

Park Jimin…

Taehyung tuts under his breath, shaking his head at the ground. “Mhmm.”

“He could go into acting. He sounded really worried on the phone, like you were on the verge of death.”

“No, yeah, he really could,” Taehyung agrees. “Jimin is bizarrely good at lying sometimes. We should be worried about that.”

You laugh, and that makes him feel like the air is relaxed enough for him to laugh too. It only lasts a few seconds before you’re left staring at each other again. You hate it. You really, really hate it.

You thought that the universe sent you a sign, gave you a reason to come over and make nice with your best friend. Turns out that “the universe” is really just Park Jimin and his scheming tongue. But you’re already here, and you have to talk to him eventually. Jimin might have lied, but you would’ve just waited for Taehyung to reach out first to offer an olive branch anyway.

“Well, can I come in?” you ask. It’s weird that you even have to ask.

“Of course,” he says absentmindedly, stepping to one side to let you in. He takes the bag from your hand and brings it to the kitchen while you kick off your shoes and change into the pair of fuzzy bear slippers that he keeps for you here.

You want to tell him what happened as much as you hate admitting that you were wrong.

“Have you eaten?” you ask, a sad attempt at delaying what will inevitably come.

“No,” comes his simple reply.

“Should we eat? I bought enough for two people.”

“But I’m not sick.”

“You don’t have to be sick to eat chicken noodle soup.”

Taehyung looks at you like the thought has genuinely never crossed his mind. “Interesting… Okay, then.”

You put on an episode of your favorite show while he heats up the food. When you both sit down to eat, it’s mostly silent while the TV continues to play. The most you and Taehyung thing that you exchange in these 30 minutes is him saying soup tastes like shit when you’re not actually sick, and you telling him to stop being such a hater. When you both finish, Taehyung rinses the bowls and puts them in his dishwasher. 

Before you came over, you thought you would only be making him eat, take his meds, and sit there for a bit while he sleeps. If you had known this would happen, you would’ve prepared yourself for it.

But then again, you were tricked into coming.

Ugh. Just do it. You are so freaking dramatic.

“Well,” you start, keeping your voice light and trying not to stand around like you’re out of place in his apartment, “you were right.”

“About what?” Taehyung asks, wiping his hands on a towel. 

“About Yoongi and… all that.”

“Oh.” His expression is one you aren’t too familiar with. There’s surprise – yes, that you’re making peace with him – in the way his brows slightly lift, but there’s something else too. Something odd that you can’t quite put a finger on, and it makes you slightly uneasy because you don’t like it when you can’t read Taehyung. 

He’s pretty quick to mask it, and it makes you even more conscious that there’s something he isn’t telling you. Of course, this feeling is miniscule, practically a seed compared to the blooming garden of nerves that the events of these past few days have dumped upon you, so you can’t categorize it as a high-level priority to nitpick. You need to deal with your main concerns first, aka what to do about Yoongi and Jungkook, both individually and together, and then you can begin to inspect what’s going on with Taehyung.

It all sounds so easy in theory.

Taehyung goes to the couch and you wordlessly follow. You sit down when he pats the spot next to him – your spot. “How did you come to that conclusion?” he asks. “You know I don’t get to hear you tell me I’m right very often.”

Because you aren’t right very often, is what you almost say. It’s light and playful, and you both know it would diffuse the leftover tension, but you chuck the words aside in favor of something more serious. There isn’t that much to catch him up on, but there is a lot to unpack from the few things that did transpire over the last few days.

You give him a recap of what happened with Yoongi and subsequently what happened with Jungkook. Those are the two things weighing the most on your mind. You haven’t really processed anything; blame it on Yoongi for telling you that you have time to think things through.

One thing you love about Taehyung is that he doesn’t tell you what to do, but rather helps you sort things out on your own. Come to think of it, these conversations often take place on his couch. He’s like your own personal therapist at this point.

“Can you give me a hug?” You probably can’t ask a licensed therapist to do this, though.

He softens even more with a smile. Opening his arms, he says, “C’mere.”

You shuffle over to sink into his embrace. You sigh as you practically melt in his hold. Taehyung is a little bony, but hugging him feels exactly like hugging a giant teddy bear. He’s soft, and always knows how to hold you just tight enough, how to stroke your hair the way you like, how to be just the comforting presence you need amidst a whirlwind of anxious thoughts. And he smells like jasmine, though that might be because you keep deliberately gifting him colognes with scents that you like.

With your chin perched on his shoulder, you feel yourself start to relax, walls coming down if only briefly.

“You okay?” Taehyung asks after a moment.

You’re suddenly aware that you’re crying. You don’t know how it started, but now that the waterworks have begun, it seems like there’s no stopping. “No,” you sniffle. “Can I just…”

You feel him exhale. “Of course.”

Taehyung is one of the few people – oh who are you kidding? He might be the only one – whom you feel comfortable enough around to let yourself cry to your heart’s content. 

You’ve been feeling it for days now, even before all that shit happened. Every cell in your body is constantly vibrating, with anxiety, with guilt, with a heaviness that sinks into your bones. You’re shaking even when your hands are perfectly still. People, memories, thoughts you keep only to yourself – they all phase through you, not giving you a single moment to catch your breath.

When it rains, it pours.

Everything is weighing you down like someone has tied you to an anchor and pushed you into the unrelenting, unforgiving water. Grief is an ocean and you don’t know how to swim. Your job, your friends, the unbridled mess that you call a love life… Everything is changing and you’re the same. You’re different, but somehow still the same. Deep down, you’re still that scared little girl who doesn’t know what to make of the world. Your knees are bleeding but your mother is telling you not to cry. Why can’t you cry when you’re hurting? Every minute feels like a lifetime but every day feels like it’s going by in two seconds. Things are moving so fast. Things are moving too slow. You can’t remember the last time you actually cried. Really cried. Bawled. Sobbed. Let out all the dirt until you can see your roots again. Until you originate back to being a blank canvas. Sometimes it feels like that’s the only way that can help you see things more clearly. Your vision might blur for a while but afterward, it’ll have washed everything away. At least a little bit. So you can get your footing again.

You miss clarity, or the illusion that you have any control over your life. You miss looking out the window and have something to look forward to, even on overcast days where the sun can’t be bothered to bring you light. You miss hearing your heart beat a melody that doesn’t ache, doesn’t rattle you to the core. Pieces of you have been held together by nothing but tape and glue for the longest time. Eventually, they’ll deteriorate, and you’ll go back to being skin and bones always on the verge of falling apart.

Some of your best writing was never meant for anybody to hear. The best lines that you’ve scribbled down are diary entries disguised as music, as poetry. They’re results of your lowest and weakest moments, it just happens that there was a journal lying around and you thought that if you had to keep all that sadness inside for a second longer, you would burst. Those immortalized lines represent your heartbreak, your self-hatred, your sorrow and your grief. They come from a lifetime of unshed tears, from the burden of having a heart that feels too much but is always silenced. Words are your escape when time rushes through you like a child skipping stones. Everything hurts all the time but no one knows and you don’t bother explaining to anyone how you wish you could be a different person living a different life because it seems like the universe has made a mistake with this one. How it feels like a divine power has miscalculated and misread your false stoicism as resilience. Just because a person carries it well doesn’t mean they have to carry it at all. 

Sometimes you like to muse that if anyone could catch a glimpse of what it’s like inside, they’d think, Wow. How are you holding all of that weight? How are you so silent through it all? How do you live with an ache so allconsuming that I can hardly see you underneath it?

It’s the only way you know how to express yourself. But even then, when you’re screaming and burning, you’re still quiet. Those words are your heart on paper, raw and bleeding all over the place, covered in a million cracks that no one can see or even pay enough attention to notice. They’re there whether anybody likes it or not. They’re right there, red ink staining white pages, begging in a voice small like a child asking for love. Please see me. I’m here. Nobody taught me how to swim. Please see me.

But nobody does. They walk past you every day. They sit with you, smile at you and laugh with you. They leave you. They stay. They break your heart. Even when they love you, nobody sees you.

You love Taehyung, but you don’t think he understands. He knows you better than almost everyone in this world and he tries to help you in any way he can, but at the end of the day, maybe this isn’t something that a person can understand even if they want to. It’s worse, to realize that perhaps it isn’t because people don’t care enough to see it, but that no matter how hard they try, they can’t.

The only person who has ever come the closest is Jungkook, with his big doe eyes that always see through you and see into you. Sometimes, you think there might be parts of you that he could see but you still don’t. He knew things about yourself that you never want anybody to find out, and he loved you anyway. He went the lengths that nobody ever did because they all gave up after a while. Someone once told you that you felt like a fortress wall impossible to climb, that nobody had the time, the patience to wait for you. In other words, you weren’t worth it. Not worthless, just not worth the effort it would take to break down your walls.

But Jungkook showed up and tried, every day. The one person that you never saw coming. You might have resisted at first, but then you became his biggest supporter. You were rooting for him to know you, how fucked up is that? You were right there. He was so close.

And then he stopped.

You suppose that’s what makes everything awful now – to know that you should let go of him when he’s the only person who ever came that close.

You don’t know how long Taehyung has had to sit here, comforting you like this, but at one point, your stomach starts growling and you feel your best friend trying to hold back a giggle. Jungkook might have mastered the art of loving you, but Taehyung is an expert at comforting you.

“Shut up.” You wipe away the dampness on your cheeks with the back of your hand and push Taehyung off. “Crying makes me hungry.”

“Should I order us fried chicken then?”

“And soju. Get some soju too.”

Jimin is a strategic trickster. There was no dance practice. He just ran around his apartment ten times until his breathing turned ragged, which if you ask anyone, was completely unnecessary. He’s very extra, but at least it was effective.

After he got off the phone with you, Jimin immediately went to your shared phone tracker app – today was one of those times where it proves to be the most useful. He stared at the little circle with a silly photo of you as it moved from your address to Taehyung’s with a couple pit stops along the way. Jimin giggled to himself when he saw your circle meet Taehyung’s, because at that point you two must have realized already that you’d been swindled. Of course, there was always a chance of you leaving the moment you figured out you had come all that way for no reason at all, but when Jimin saw after a couple of hours that the two circles are still next to each other, he knew that you and Taehyung made up already.

Jimin sends a message to your group chat, a simple hello but Taehyung knows what he’s trying to get at. The text thread shared by the three of you lights up with a selfie of you and Taehyung each holding a chicken drumstick and wearing a content smile. In the background, there are some soju bottles, a box of chicken and some fries.

Jimin doesn’t question why your eyes look a little puffier than usual. He just replies with a smiley emoji and a thumbs up. The triumph of his mini victory almost makes him forget that there’s someone else in his home.

Jungkook peeks over Jimin’s shoulder to peek at his phone, curious to see what’s making his friend so delighted. When he sees you and Taehyung on Jimin’s screen, he sinks again, heart sitting in the pit of his stomach. The words you told him just the day before ring loud in his ears, as if they haven’t been stuck on his mind, playing on a loop. 

You’re such a fucking hypocrite.

You weren’t wrong, but man, did that feel like a punch in the gut.

He goes to sit across from Jimin, taking note of every single sound that notifies his friend of a new message. For the first time, he feels like an outsider, like he’s intruding on a private moment.

“I fucked up,” Jungkook admits quietly, cracking open a can of beer and taking a long sip. It makes Jimin look up and put away his phone. “With Y/N,” Jungkook clarifies.

“Yeah, I’ve been informed. That was the stupidest thing you’ve done in a while.”

“In a while? When was the last time I did something stupid?”

Jimin doesn’t even have to think about it. He answers right away, “When you left her.”

Jungkook hums, unclear whether the noise is meant in agreement or just in acknowledgment. His tongue darts out to swipe across his dry lips before he breathes out. “I don’t know what to do. She hasn’t replied to any of my texts. I feel like a fucking asshole.”

“From what I’ve been told, you were a fucking asshole,” Jimin says lightly, his words emphasized with a chuckle like he finds Jungkook’s predicament so funny. “I can’t believe you would say that shit about Yoongi to her right after he confessed.”

Cue a pregnant pause, and a pair of doe eyes staring right into Jimin’s skull, unable to decipher if what he’s hearing is a joke or not.

“Yoongi– what?”

Jimin slaps himself internally. Shit. It slipped, he swears. “Nothing,” he sighs, but he knows it wouldn’t be dropped so easily.

“No. Not nothing,” Jungkook sits up straight and puts his chilled beer down on the table, missing the coaster entirely just to piss off his friend. “The fuck do you mean Yoongi confessed? Confessed what?”

Jimin sighs with pursed lips. “What else? What do you think he confessed to?”

Jungkook gulps, and blinks a few times. When? Why? Was that the reason you looked so distraught yesterday before all that shit went down between you and him? Who confesses to someone in a freaking break room?

Then Jungkook remembers that you and Yoongi went out for drinks last night. What did he say? What did you say? His stomach churns at the thought of something… happening between the two of you.

Jimin takes in his friend’s dumbfounded expression. “Why are you shocked?” he asks. “I thought you expected something like this. Isn’t it why you spewed all that crap about Yoongi flirting with her?”

“Fuck, I don’t know! It feels like the guy is out to get me for some goddamn reason. I thought he was just playing with Y/N to piss me off!”

Jimin shakes his head, looking thoughtful. “Yoongi wouldn’t do that to her.”

“How would you know?”

“Because when they first worked together, from the things that she told us, the stuff that Yoongi would do for her, Taehyung and I thought he liked her back then too,” Jimin says. “This has nothing to do with you.”

It sucks. It fucking sucks.

“Should I go over there?” Jungkook asks, a newfound sense of urgency in his voice that borderlines panic. He’s acting like this fact that Jimin just dumped upon him is unraveling just as this conversation is taking place, but in reality, he’s one of the last people to know. 

“And tell her what? If you’ve said sorry a million times and she hasn’t responded, then saying it one more time won’t change anything.”

“What am I supposed to do when I see her tomorrow?”

“Nothing? Are you incapable of leaving things alone? If she wants to ignore you, let her ignore you. If she wants to yell at you, let her yell at you. If she wants nothing to do with you, let her do that too. Why do you keep making things worse for yourself?”

Jungkook runs a frustrated hand through his hair. “So your solution is for me to just let her hate me?”

Jimin levels him with a look, which just annoys him even more. “You had no problem with that before.”

“If you’re not gonna help me, should I ask Taehyung then?”

“Don’t go to Tae about this.”

“Why not?”

“Just don’t,” Jimin snaps, and it makes Jungkook falter for a few seconds before the petulance in him clouds his better judgment.

“Why? He’s her best friend. They’re practically joined at the hip. He’s gotta be able to help me with this.”

“You really want to go to Taehyung for advice on how to suck up to your ex-girlfriend? He’s the most protective of her. What makes you think he would be willing to help you?”

“He’s my friend too, isn’t he? Shouldn’t he want to help all of us be civil with each other?”

“Yeah, he’s your friend. I’m your friend and Y/N’s too. And you’re right, all of us should get along, but we shouldn’t be put in a situation where we’d have to try. You did that to us and nothing is going to be the same again. I don’t even know why you did it. You kept your mouth shut for years no matter how hard me and Taehyung tried to get it out of you. Now you suddenly can’t make peace with the consequences of your actions? Now you want us to help you win over the person you fucked over, who is also our closest friend? I don’t get you, JK. I’m starting to regret not letting Taehyung punch you back then.”

Jungkook stares at his friend. Is this shock that he’s feeling? He still remembers that night, because he doesn’t forget a lot of things. He can’t forget it. He had never seen Taehyung – who is usually so calm and cordial – get that angry before. His friend, who is a saint of a man, felt so much rage toward Jungkook that Jimin had to physically hold him back.

“What? Why are you looking at me like that?” Jimin asks. “You’re not used to me not being on your side all the time?”

He knows that. The only person who seems to be on Jungkook’s side is himself, and sometimes he isn’t sure if this is even true at all. What you told him at the dance studio’s opening party, what Jimin is telling him now, and even the things that Taehyung shouted at him a couple of years back – it’s all true. He knows these things already, but it feels different to hear them from other people. You’re all right; nobody is overreacting. To an outsider, it might come across as harsh, but to anyone who knows anything, it’s rightfully deserved.

Nevertheless, Jungkook admits quietly, “Actually, yeah.”

Jimin sighs, because he knows that his friend has no malicious intent toward you or toward anyone. Jimin knows that Jungkook doesn’t mean to hurt you, any more than he already has. Jungkook is even more crazed now that Yoongi is somehow a factor in all of this. It’s the insecurities bubbling at the surface. He’s panicking and he can’t even see straight. This is just his own stupid take on fight or flight. It was flight for a while, and now apparently it’s not. Jimin doesn’t really understand it, but he gets that this is his friend’s way of dealing with shit. “I tried, man. I did. But it’s really, really hard to have your back on this.”

Jungkook is well aware of it too – that to leave you alone is probably the best thing he can do at this point. Everything he says or does seems to backfire; instead of pulling you closer, all he manages to do is push you further away and make you hate him more than you already do. 

But in a way, isn’t that a good thing? Better to have you hate him than be indifferent toward him. After all, there’s a thin line between love and hate. You yourself blurred this line long ago. You can do it again, can’t you?

Jungkook sits there for a while longer to finish his beer, even though he doesn’t have anything else to say. It’s clear what Jimin’s stance on this is, and no matter what he says, it’s unlikely that anyone will help him try and get back in your good graces. 

Before he leaves, Jimin says something that makes him nauseous. Makes him want to fucking cry and kick something and speed over to your apartment just so you could reassure Jungkook that he’s still the one you hate the most. That all of your feelings, whether they’re good or bad, are still reserved for him and only him.

It isn’t what his best friend should tell him, but it’s what a good friend would say. It's not about Jungkook, it's not about Jimin or Taehyung or anyone else. It's about you, who has been hurt the most here.

“If she wants to choose Yoongi, let her do that too.”

[10:48] Yoongi: Attachment: 2 Images.

[10:49] Yoongi: got yelled at for showing up puffy yesterday

You tap on the notifications and the photos pop up within seconds. It’s Yoongi at his Valentino shoot probably. He never used to send you stuff like this, nor asked you to come watch him at his photoshoots. Why would he? 

You zoom in on his face to inspect if he really was puffy, but you can’t really tell. Maybe if you were a makeup artist with a sharper eye, you would see it. But under your regular-person gaze, everything seemed fine. Yoongi looked handsome in the pictures.

[10:55] You: you don’t look puffy to me

[10:57] Yoongi: so how do i look to you? ;)

[10:58] You: the fits look good

[11:01] Yoongi: i wasn’t asking about the fits

[11:05] You: and i’m telling you the fits look good anyway

[11:07] Yoongi: what about the model?

[11:10] You: are you fishing for compliments?

[11:11] Yoongi: what if i am?

[11:14] You: the model looks Not Puffy

[11:16] Yoongi: you’re no fun ;(

You consider your next reply for a moment. It doesn’t seem like that big a deal. You want to send it. It seems innocent enough, and it’s the truth. A simple praise can’t hurt, right?

Your fingertips tingle just typing the words out. You’re suddenly so jittery for some reason as your thumb hovers over the arrow symbol that would whoosh away your message. It's a good kind of jittery. You might even say that you’re excited.

[11:22] You: the model looks good too

You put your phone face-down on the table, not even checking when it vibrates with Yoongi’s response to your latest text. It’s so weird that you’re feeling like this, maybe because it’s been so long since someone has shown an actual interest in you? Or is it because it’s Yoongi? If it were anyone else, would you still react the same?

It’s weird, but not necessarily weird in a bad way. You just aren’t used to it, or it’s been such a long time that you forgot what it feels like to be… wanted? You don’t think about it often but it’s true, you’ve missed the thrill of being chased.

“So… word on the street is you have a secret song.”

Seokjin’s voice makes you glance up, wondering who he could be talking to when the only people in the room beside him are you and Jungkook – whom you haven’t spoken a word to all morning despite him glancing not-so-subtly at you every two seconds. When you got here this morning, there was already a chai latte on the table with your name on it. The order was too specific for it to be Seokjin, but you didn’t say anything.

“The street?” you ponder for a moment, knowing exactly who the culprit is. “Is that what Yoongi calls himself these days? He’s been here for what? A couple weeks? And he’s already blabbed to you.”

“So it’s true?” Seokjin leans back in his chair, a mischievous glint in his eyes. “Yoongi said it’s real good. Top shelf kinda stuff. And you know he never says things like that.”

It’s not a song, or at least that isn’t what you would call it. Maybe more like an essay composed of sentences that go together like misfit puzzle pieces. You don’t think you would ever rework it and pitch it to anyone because it’s yours and it’s personal. You would never tell anyone about it, and Yoongi wouldn’t have come to know about its existence if he hadn’t stumbled across it in your journal by accident.

“Don’t listen to Yoongi,” you say. “At this point, I feel like you should know that Yoongi tends to exaggerate sometimes.”

“He never seems to be exaggerating when it comes to you,” Seokjin muses. You almost blush, thinking about what else Yoongi could’ve told Seokjin. He doesn’t notice the split second in which your cheeks redden just the slightest, or he doesn’t mind it enough to comment. “What’s the title?”

You shrug, saying nothing.

“You can’t even tell me the title? Damn, Y/N. Are you the CIA?”

“I’m not telling you because there is no title. There’s not even a song, just something I go back to sometimes. It’s mostly just word vomit. I promise you, it’s nothing.”

“Tell that to Yoongi. He told me whoever’s gonna get that song is one hell of a lucky bastard.”

Again, what is it with the praise? You know working with Yoongi and being associated with his last album gave your career a boost, but you weren’t aware that he was talking about you with other people. Maybe he only does it with Seokjin because they’re close, but still, it makes you itch with curiosity.

“By any chance are you gonna give it to… me?” Seokjin asks, and seems to immediately hear how flawed it sounds. You stare at him blankly, trying to bite back an amused smile, and even Jungkook turns his head to look too. Seokjin’s ears turn red in an instant. “Okay, that came out kinda wrong. I’m really, really sorry. But you know what I mean.”

You continue to stare at him until his face is so flushed, you swear he’s like a tomato that’s about to burst. You can see why Yoongi likes to tease people this way. “Okay, boss,” you acquiesce with a laugh, relieving Seokjin of the fear that he genuinely offended you. “If the song ever gets to see the light of day, I’ll make sure to ask you to lend your voice.”

“Ah, so you admit it’s a song.” He grins brightly at your empty promise, making you roll your eyes half-heartedly. He goes back to his normal shade in a minute, no longer ridiculously red like a cartoon character. “What’s it about?”

You ponder his question silently, missing the way Jungkook takes this moment to glance at you. When you look up again, he’s already averting his gaze.

What is it about? That’s a question that you yourself have never really considered. It’s about everything and it’s about nothing. It’s love, it’s loss, it’s the infinite in-between. You give Seokjin an answer that won’t satisfy him, but it’s the truth.

“I haven’t figured it out yet. I’ll let you know when I do.”

He tuts at you, like he was expecting the obscurity from you anyway. “You’re really not beating the CIA allegations,” he says.

You flip him the bird, which only compels him to stick out his tongue and make a face at you. Then, he diverts his attention to the person who hasn’t contributed anything this whole time.

“JK, why are you so quiet today? We’re not gonna eat you.”

Jungkook mutters something to Seokjin that you don’t quite catch because the words come out of his mouth like an inarticulate mess, which is so unlike him. He sounds jumpy, like he’s too nervous to speak in front of you. Seokjin’s eyes land on you again as he mouths a confused What?

You just shrug, and Seokjin has to take Jungkook’s weird response as him having an off day. The man checks his phone, lets out a quiet whine, then addresses the both of you. “I have a shoot this afternoon so you two will have to hold down the fort, by the way.”

You come back from your solo lunch date to an empty studio.

Well, almost empty. There’s something new that wasn’t there before.

Another chai latte waiting for you equates to another apology hoping to be acknowledged. The paper cup is still hot when your hand reaches out to touch it. You sink into your chair with a sigh. You could laugh at yourself for feeling so nostalgic at the sight of a beverage in the middle of a workday.

Jungkook walks in about 15 minutes later, and the air turns suffocating at his arrival. He feels it too, you know he does. 

You chew on your bottom lip until it starts to hurt, bite down on it until it almost bleeds.

“Jungkook,” you say, catching his attention. It looks like he didn’t expect you to initiate any conversation. It’s not like you want to, but you have to. You keep having to do this, because he just wouldn’t listen. “Stop buying me drinks.”

It translates to: Stop saying sorry. Stop trying to make things right. Stop doing things you think would make me happy. Stop making me have the same argument with you over and over again.

“Because you wouldn’t hear me out,” he says, and proceeds to repeat the one thing that you’re sick of hearing from him. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop apologizing,” you verbalize it. “If it’s not about work, I don’t think it’s necessary for me to hear it, Jungkook. I don’t want to hear it.”

“You do need to hear it. Because I can’t function properly until you know how sorry I am.”

“Well, that sounds like a you problem.”

“Y/N.”

“What?”

“Hear me out,” he says, sounding a little firmer now but you still catch the crack in his voice. “Please.”

Jungkook must take the way you hesitate to shut down him as reluctant permission for him to keep going, because he stands up and moves to a spot closer to you. Not close enough that he could reach out and touch you, but enough for you to see the tiny mole under his bottom lip and how it quivers when he looks at you.

Fuck. You’re letting him win again.

“Okay, fine. Talk then. I’m listening. You’re sorry, right? You keep saying you’re sorry for everything, but what exactly is everything? What are you even sorry about? Are you sorry about annoying me right now, or are you sorry about being a prick the other day, or are you sorry about leaving me five years ago? When did you become this pathetic, Jungkook?”

“W–what?”

“When did you become so pathetic?” you repeat. “If you had to come back, couldn’t you come back as someone better? Someone who’s sure of himself and has a good life, not this… person who has to grovel at my feet for forgiveness. Even when you were at your lowest, you weren’t like this. I don’t even know who this Jungkook is. What happened to you?”

If you think that you saw him at his lowest, then you’re wrong. He didn’t hit rock bottom until he’d left you and had to live with what he chose to do. 

“You’re right. I am pathetic,” Jungkook agrees, dropping his gaze to the floor like he’s ashamed. “But fuck, I’m trying to be worthy of you.”

It’s a truth that he doesn’t want to face, doesn’t want to admit how very real it is until you’ve just said it and it fucking guts him. He knows his friends pity him sometimes, even if they don’t want to view him as someone to be pitied. No matter how much of a front he puts up, he knows that Jimin and Taehyung see right through him. They won’t say it to his face, and for that Jungkook has gotten away with avoiding this fact for so long. But to hear it from you, to watch you spell it out for him, it hurts.

He wants to mention Yoongi, but he doesn’t know how to phrase it in a way that wouldn’t immediately aggravate you. After all, bringing up Yoongi is what got him into this mess, isn’t it?

Regardless, he wants to ask you a question that he already knows the answer to. What does Yoongi have that he doesn’t? The answer is: A lot of things. Yoongi has a lot of things that Jungkook doesn’t, one of them being the self-assurance to not run away when it comes to you and what you deserve.

He wants to ask, but he doesn’t, because he’s scared it might drive you right into Yoongi’s arms and Jungkook can’t compete with a man like that.

He can barely keep up even with just himself in the running.

There’s a big question mark that pops up in your head, along with a slight sting in your eyes that you blink away. You’ve never seen Jungkook like this before. This whole time, was it not only you who was miserable?

He looks so small that it breaks your heart. For once, you aren’t sad for yourself but you’re sad for him. It never occurred to you that he could’ve been lonely too, having to keep all of this inside because you know he didn’t share it with anyone else. You catch a glimpse of him again, like you did when you were making ramen together in your kitchen while a storm was raging outside. In a lot of ways, Jungkook is still that kid stuck in an adult’s body, lost and scared and loved you. It feels like you could’ve seen him in the same ocean while you were just trying to keep your head above water.

The sight of him, so vulnerable and astray, placates you. Your resolve crumbles, but not like it was ever that strong to begin with. You suppose you could see why he was being a jerk to you. Even though it doesn’t justify what he said, you understand just a little bit where he was coming from. You find yourself forgiving him for some of it. It’s part of letting things go, right?

But no matter how much you want to reach out and comfort him, you know you shouldn’t. What are you supposed to do in a situation like this? You’re confused and it feels like you two have been going around in a circle, looking for a solution that doesn’t seem to exist.

Coexisting doesn’t work. Telling him to leave things alone doesn’t work. What else can you do?

Why do you have to resolve a problem that isn’t even yours? Jungkook says he’s trying, but his efforts keep making your life harder and harder. You practically blew up in his face, then apologized for being harsh even though you were fully aware that you had nothing to be sorry for. You called him a hypocrite and now you’re ready to cave just because he’s on the verge of shedding a few tears. This constant back and forth between your anger and your reluctance to see that anger through is possibly the thing that’s hindering you.

You can’t – and shouldn’t – accommodate him anymore. You have to put your foot down, no matter how difficult it is with the lingering ghost of your past love.

Because you’re always weak when it comes to Jungkook.

Because you’re still holding onto something.

Because Jungkook will always be the first person that you have ever loved, and those four years meant a lot to you even if they didn’t to him. Maybe it’s even fair to say that you might never truly get over it, and that doesn’t have to be such a terrible thing. Maybe he was never the person you thought he was, or maybe you never meant as much to him as he did to you. Somehow, that’s okay. It’s manageable because it’s routine at this point. You’ve internalized it. The years have taught you that sometimes, things get shitty just because they can and you just have to deal with it.

The intrinsic pain of the human experience. C’est la vie.

What a world this is.

Is it bad that you’re thinking about Yoongi in a moment like this?

Yoongi could be your future, if you’d let him.

You should let him. Maybe this is your answer right here. 

“Jungkook, let’s stop.” He looks at you with crestfallen eyes, but you have to keep going. The only way out is through. “Let’s stop. You want me to listen to you, but you haven’t been listening to me. I don’t have the strength to keep this up anymore, and I have told you that repeatedly but you wouldn’t listen. Jungkook, move on.”

You pretend not to notice how his lip trembles even more. “What if I don’t want to move on?”

This feels like a conversation that should’ve happened ages ago. Five years ago, you should’ve screamed at him, cried with him, held each other as you both fell apart. He stripped you of that right and gave you no say at all.

“You’re being awfully selfish,” you tell him, but in your head, you’re already thinking about what his words actually mean. 

“Have you completely written me off then? Is there nothing at all that I can do? Because I would do anything if you asked. You know that.”

Your throat is so dry that it feels like you’re swallowing sand. You dig everything back up again until you find the memory of that day hidden at the very bottom.

It’s terrible. He’s making you relive it again.

“I remember calling for you and you didn’t even look back,” you say, but your voice breaks toward the end. “I can’t trust you anymore.”

Jungkook just stares at you then, and for the longest time, neither of you say anything. This is the first time that you two have addressed the problem, properly addressed it instead of half-heartedly sweeping it under the rug like you tried to do. 

You breathe in, he breathes out. You hate the way you feel, and you resent the way he looks like he’s breaking down just as badly. There are tears in those eyes, tears that Jungkook doesn’t let spill because he defiantly wipes them away with the back of his hand after a moment. 

When he speaks next, you want the world to end.

“Then I’ll earn your trust back. I’ll do whatever it takes. I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you. I will.”

— all rights reserved © jeonqkooks. reposting, translating and/or modifying is not permitted by any means. [posted january 21, 2023]

I love this concept of soulmates. How heartbreaking it was to read, but at the same time so compelling. I really wanted to punch JK at times, but sometimes we don't realise what we have until we lose it. The ending was beautiful.

how long will we fall

pairing: jungkook x reader

wordcount: 14k

glimpse: if it’s fate, it should already be set onto your skin — that’s why jungkook’s initials are already on your finger. he’s always there for you, but not only for you. if you’re his fate, he’d rather not have it.

alternatively, jungkook’s your soulmate, but he doesn’t want to be.

[ soulmate au, painful f2l, unrequited love (at first), a lot of angst, more fluff n wholesome moments, emotional constipation, yearning, jealousy, swearing, reverse cards that make u cheer, redemption arc, i swear to u that this does not hurt as much as heartburn did ]

notes: i’m back with a big fic!!! :D this was originally supposed to be named something else but i realized that the title was Too Serious and u know what,,, ten listens later as i write this, i realized that i’m obsessed with this song that i received from this ask and wow thank u so much anon <33 although the rec isn’t originally for this fic, it fits perfectly and i can’t thank u enough <33

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!! even replying to this post sends me over the moon :)

Keep reading

Sooo cute!!! I Love soft, sexy Jungkook and it is so nice to read a Jungkook dad fic, where Jungkook has a daughter. I can imagine Jungkook in real life would be like this, with his daughter.

bliss | jjk (m)

Summary: Jungkook really, really wants to show you how deeply in love with you he is.

pairing: dilf!Jungkook x female reader

rating: 18+

genre: established relationship; so much fluff woah, smut

warnings: domesticity <3, married couple, pierced and tattooed jk, the green vlive pajama, cute banter, mention of a c-section, their cute daughter whom he loves to bits, they joke around and jk is sO CUTE; explicit sexual content: oral (m.), fingering, dom!jk, big dick!jk, kissing, biting, marking, praising, soft sex turning rough sex, dirty talk, manhandling, impreg kink?, sweet nicknames (baby, princess, angel…), unprotected sex (reader on pill etc.), he likes her brattiness; … they’re very much in love

word count: 3.7k

a/n: yeah, here’s the 38742th dilf!jk fic since that live, but i kinda went all domestic instead of focusing on the pjs 🙄 semi-edited with a low quality banner, but i hope you guys still enjoy :D <3

MASTERLIST | WIPs

“Okay, baby. High five first?”

When you stepped out of the shower a moment ago, you could already hear Jungkook’s voice chime from Jinha’s room, quiet and soft and everloving. Your husband always had this strange habit of presenting himself stronger and colder than he had to with you, and you always poked fun at him for it.

But the moment he first laid eyes on your little girl, screaming from the top of her lungs and hands clenched into tiny fists, all armour fell off his body. You think you can still remember the way he melted, eyes cracking and tears falling, vulnerable like you hadn’t ever seen him before.

Keep reading

Ooh this is really getting interesting. OC's reaction to finding out about Haru seem so believable. I really do feel for Jungkook, I can't imagine what it must be like for him, to lose his son and wife. A love so deep doesn't disappear. I find it hard to believe Jungkook was having an affair, possibly with Nabi. Looking forward to the next chapter only time will tell.

Our Time | JJK (Five)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 12.2k

Warnings: swearing, frustrations of amnesia, mentions of alcohol, lots of panicking, crying from multiple characters, mentions of death, mentions of vomit multiple times, feelings of betrayal and anger and sadness, next warning is a major spoiler: confirmed kidnapping of jk & ocs c h i l d blah blah blah for those who don't want spoilers and don't need warnings lol

a/n: only one more chapter until the introduction of this story is complete. And then the true plot will begin. 🤭please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You remember when you and Jungkook truly became friends.

You had never struggled to make friends. You naturally lured people in with your energy, maybe even your charm as a person. But after spending a month in Seoul already, you had never felt more out of place and out of your element. Every face you came across was the face of a stranger. It was like you were sitting in front of a TV screen and watching a crowd of people who didn’t matter to the plot of the movie. Just there. Living a life that had nothing to do with you. 

And you were the same to them.

You had only had maybe two conversations with your roommate in the small dorm. The first conversation was hardly even an introduction and the second one was her asking you if it was cool that she would sneak her boyfriend in every now and then. You didn’t mind. But you thought it meant you all would become friends but that proved to be untrue. 

The first week of classes, you realized many of your classmates are already friends or the ones who barely spoke were focused on their studies. That leaves you, someone with no friends and someone who isn’t that focused on school the way others were, feeling completely alone. 

The Friday night after the first week of classes was supposed to be a night of partying with your new friends and the new independent life as a new adult. But instead you wandered around aimlessly, lost and lonely. You didn’t really want to spend the first weekend as a college student in your dorm but where exactly were you going to go? Well, you decided to stick to campus and ended up browsing the library. 

A book to demolish during the weekend didn’t sound so bad, now did it?

When you were in the library, your eyes darted around, for no particular reason but hey, maybe something would stick out to you. And something did.

Or more like someone.

Your eyes grew twice their size when you spotted someone familiar. And goodness, nothing felt better than seeing something familiar in this new world.

You walked up to a table that sat at least six people but you stared with excited eyes at the only person occupying the space. 

“Frog boy?” You had blurted in pure happy rage. 

The frog boy in question kept his eyes on the book in his hands, only releasing a long sigh before lifting his eyes to you and cocking a brow. 

“You’ve known me almost your entire life and you don’t even know my name?” 

You had seen the playful glint in his eyes when he met your gaze.

You rolled yours, “Fine. Jungkook. Or you know, Ribbit.”

You hadn’t felt this excited and relieved since moving to Seoul. (Kind of.) (It’s not like you two were ever friends.) But that was about to change. Oh yes, that was going to change.

Whether your little frog boy, Jungkook, likes it or not.

“Do you go here too?!” You had asked him.

He only sighed again, looking back down at his book before answering with an unbothered nonchalance, “Nah.” And then he raised the book up, showing it to you with a straight face. “I came all the way to Seoul because only this library has…” He looked at the cover, “A freshman course Literature book.” 

“Oh.” You nodded in understanding, equally straight face.

Jungkook narrowed his eyes at you, “You realize I’m joking, right?” 

“That would make sense.” You nodded again, pulling out a chair across from him and taking a seat. “So we both go here. That’s great. We’re friends now.” 

“Friends?”

“Unless you’re still too shy.” You remember how you challenged him.

But Jungkook raised another brow, “Am I still eight years old to you?”

“Maybe.” You had laughed before mocking. “When I see your face, I keep imagining it like,” You had scrunched up your features, pretending to cry while shaking your shirt. “A…a…a…a…a…f-frog!” 

You remember how he laughed. 

His laugh was pure, genuine and contagious. You remember how you joined him and it’s like the past lonely month you had spent in Seoul didn’t exist anymore. 

You two would start meeting up once a week at the library. Very casual. He would try to study and you would talk his head off. Jungkook never once complained. You remember looking forward to your weekly hang outs and you had hoped he felt the same. 

Jungkook obviously knew you were itching for more.

He looked over a textbook that he wasn’t paying any attention to and said, “You know we can hang out more than once a week, right?”

You basically had jumped out of your chair, cleaning up around you when you said, “Perfect. Let’s go to a party that my roommate told me about but didn’t invite me to.”

“A party?”

“A party.” You nodded.

Jungkook eyed you for a moment, looking hesitant. “I didn’t intend to party though.”

“Come on. We’re in this together.” You fluttered your lashes at him, trying your best to look convincing but he only huffed out an annoyed breath before giving in.

It was your first college frat party. Jungkook’s too. 

It was also the first time you got super drunk. Jungkook too.

You two had really opened up and bonded this night. You realized Jungkook definitely wasn’t the shy boy you remember as a kid—that makes sense. You told stories and ended up in your own world. It was a lot of fun and you knew college in Seoul wasn’t going to be so lonely after all. 

You remember by the end of the night when you two were walking, completely intoxicated, back to the dorms when you convinced him to just crash at your place. It was risky, trying to sneak him in, but it worked. You both stumbled inside, drunk off your asses when Jungkook claimed he didn’t feel good.

“Don’t throw up.” You remember warning him. “Or I’ll throw up too.”

“If I throw up,” He gulped anxiously, “I’d hope you would too. Didn’t you say we’re in this together?”

“D-Don’t even think about it.” You swallowed down your own drunken nausea. 

And then he did throw up.

And then you did too.

Naturally, you were inseparable after this. 

Weekly hang outs turned almost daily. You would talk to him like any other close friend and he would do the same. It felt good and natural and like you two had been friends since the day you shoved a frog down his shirt. And that first winter break, you two traveled home to Busan together, surprising your parents because after all these years of being neighbors, you were finally friends. 

You two had convinced your parents to have a joint cook out and you remember how afterwards, you and Jungkook laid on the hood of his car, looking up at the stars and talking about life. You remember how you asked him what he envisioned for his future.

He glanced at you, eyes lingering on your face for several long moments before he narrowed them, “We’re on vacation and you’re asking me to think about my future?”

You both laughed.

“I don’t know if what I’m currently in school for is something I actually want to do with my life. I’m hoping I’ll get inspired and suddenly know what it is I have to do.” He had finally answered.

You remember understanding his words, the feeling resonating with you. “Me too.”

You remember turning your body towards his and smiling, “Have I told you how glad I am to have seen you at the library and I forced my friendship on you?”

He had snorted, turning his own body towards you as well. The moonlight hitting his face, illuminating his features just right. He almost looked straight out of a dream. “You didn’t force your friendship on me.”

It was your turn to snort. “Liar.”

He stared at you for a moment, teasing smile pulling at his lips when he began drumming his fingers against the metal hood of his car. “And why would I ever lie to you?”

You remember the vibration you felt beneath your body when each of his fingers landed on the metal with a rhythmic beat. You remember the sound like a melody and his words were the lyrics. 

You remember how it felt when he basically sang his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You had teased back but there was a quiet and genuine conversation happening beneath the teasing.

“Never.” He told you. And you believed him.

And you should still believe him, right?

But Misuk’s words are repeating relentlessly in your mind, ‘Closest. She hasn’t spoken one fucking word to you in two years. But right, closest.’

You want to have confidence in Jungkook because you should. But his silence after her words feels like cold, quick spider legs are racing up your spine, creating a chilling uneasiness and a spasm of worry and discomfort crosses over your face. You’ve never liked spiders.

What does Misuk mean by that? Why would she say that? There is no way you wouldn’t talk to your husband for two years. There must be some kind of misunderstanding. But your body remains stuck to the wall like you’ve been superglued and you’re afraid the moment you peel yourself away, your skin will be ripped off your bones. 

You know there has to be some kind of explanation because her words don’t directly translate to you and Jungkook not actually speaking for two years but your brain sends signals throughout your body that you have every right to be as anxious as you feel. 

Because your brain knows more than it’s letting on. Your brain holds all the mysteries that it doesn’t want to show you. And your body listens to the signals it sends.

“Be worried.” They say. 

But no matter if your skin separates from you and becomes a part of the wall in your kitchen…you have to go out there and get some kind of answer. Because you can’t handle for one more thing in your life to not make sense.

You tell your shaking legs to walk.

Even while you feel imprisoned by fear, they move. Your body turning the corner of the kitchen wall, water still running in the background, as you make your presence known. 

Jungkook and Misuk’s heads turn towards you when they feel you. And they mirror one another’s expressions. Watching you in numbed horror. 

“y/n…” Misuk says your name, blood draining from her face but you can tell she’s trying to look normal. “Hey.”

“What do you mean?” You’re surprised you have a voice. “Why did you say that?”

Jungkook’s mouth falls open, panicked eyes boring into your face. But he doesn’t speak.

They quickly glance at one another, an understanding that you’ve heard their conversation and you see how Jungkook’s expression twists into one of anger before he looks completely ashamed when he meets your eye again.

“What’s going on?” Your feet take you closer, your brain sending the signals without you telling it to. Your brain must be making fun of you. Mocking you. Wanting you to find things out when it already has the answers. Like it’s playing some game. “Why did Misuk say that? Why are you two on bad terms? Why,” You’re walking faster, getting closer as adrenaline starts running through your veins, your mouth unable to stop speaking.

“I asked what’s going on.” You stop in front of them, “Why—why did Misuk say that? Why are you both quiet now? Why can’t you answer me? Why are you looking at me like that?” You can’t stop the questions from spilling out of your mouth, eyes going frantically between Jungkook and Misuk. “W-Why aren’t you answering? Why are you doing—why are you doing this to me? Why are you making me feel this way? Why—why aren’t you—” Your heart is rapid inside your chest, thumping against your ribcage, trying to run away and hide now. “Fucking answer me because I don’t know what the fuck is going on!” Your chest heaves uncomfortably, eyes blown wide as nothing makes sense inside your mind.

Jungkook stares at you, eyes just as wide before he slowly shuts them, his lips sticking together in a tight line, nostrils flaring. 

“Nothing…” You quiet your voice, slight tremble when you speak. “Nothing already feels real to me. But marrying my best friend does make sense. But not talking to said husband for two years does not.” 

You concentrate on the two in front of you, watching their expressions and reactions to your words carefully. Jungkook looks pissed while Misuk blinks at you with obvious guilt on her entire face. 

“Say something!” You yell at them, both of their bodies flinching and your panicked thoughts only grow more wild and out of control. Fear is bursting your veins now. Fear of the unknown. Fear of what is known. The fear that your brain is just hiding something from you that could possibly make you heart crumble and shatter. 

“I…I…” Misuk looks around, eyes unable to meet yours anymore while she sets the muffins down onto the table at the front entrance. “I should—should leave.” 

Jungkook is quick to throw Misuk an incredulous look, “Are you fucking kidding me?” He spits at her. “You’re the one who opened your fucking mouth and opened this can of worms. And now you want to leave?”

Misuk snaps her head towards Jungkook, glowering eyes on him. “Should I stay? Say everything?” 

Jungkook swallows hard and you can see anger spiking his body. “You’re right. You’ve done enough. Just leave. I’ll walk you out.”

“I don’t need you to wa—”

“—Let’s go.” He walks forward, opening the front door as she seethes, walking past him.

You watch in disbelief, brows pinching when you try to stop them. “Where—”

“—Just stay here.” Jungkook tells you, his voice softens when directed towards you. “I’ll only be a minute.”

And just like that, Jungkook and Misuk are out of your house, front door slammed shut. 

How could they? How could they leave you here with your anxiety gripping your core and making you feel more lost and estranged in this world all over again. 

You stand here, blood pooling into the heels of your feet. A sudden coldness surrounds you and you feel faint. What is going on? What exactly has transpired in these last nine years? 

And where the hell is your explanation? 

You wish you could shut off your brain. Tell it to stop coming up with ridiculous theories when it knows the truth deep down. It’s just having fun with you at this point. 

You don’t think you can master the uneasiness you feel and control it. 

Your tense body twitches the moment your front door is opening again and Jungkook is slipping through with downward eyes. You wait anxiously for him to come closer to you and explain that it is not what it seems. But his body language throws you off. It throws off the confidence you’re supposed to have in him. 

Jungkook’s bottom lip is caught between his teeth, his own anxiety radiating off his body like heat off a space heater.  You want to read him like a book, like a book with an obvious ending. But you can’t. You can’t read him since he is in another language right now.

“Jungkook.” You call for him, trying your best to stay in one piece. 

He tries to look up at you but his eyes can’t manage your eyes. Your face. Your body. He can’t manage to feel what he’s feeling but a million times worse when he sees you. He walks closer to you, stopping just a foot in front of you, tense body looking more uncomfortable than what you’re feeling. 

“y/n…” He can’t even say your name without his voice cracking, a harsh breath forcing its way out of his mouth while his hands immediately go to his face, fingers rubbing into his skin with a roughness that makes you more worried than before. “Fuck.” He mutters in into his hands.

“Talk to me.” It’s not a suggestion. He knows this. You’re not asking. You’re telling him. You’re telling him to explain why the hell Misuk says that you two are not close and you haven’t spoken in two years. 

Jungkook’s hands drag down his face, the color has left him, a growing paleness that makes you think he might faint or puke at any moment. He’s struggling to even look at you. 

But he does.

And you see the pain in his eyes.

“I don’t…” He croaks out, breaths uneven. “I don’t know where to start. I don’t know how to—how to explain. I don’t know what to fuck—fucking say.” He finally stares at you, gaze so intense you almost wish he would go back to looking away. 

You swallow your nerves, your need for answers stronger than your need for ignorant protection of your feelings. “We’re married. Yet we haven’t spoken in two years. According to Misuk, anyway. Is that true?” 

He’s still staring and you’re growing more panicked. Needing an answer now but his silence is telling. 

“I asked if that’s true.” You repeat with a colder tone. 

Jungkook releases a shaky breath, “It’s half true.”

Your lips twist, “What does that mean? We do talk?”

“No. We aren’t married.” He tells you, voice quiet and eyes ashamed.

You take a step back, confusion growing. “But…but I saw—”

“—We were married.” He clarifies. “But we aren’t…” He closes his eyes for a moment, stopping them from growing wet. “Anymore.” 

You take another step back, face hardening as the confusion only triples. “We’re…divorced?” You ask him, but you hate that you even have to ask.

He stays still in his spot, the shame and regret thick in his voice when he answers, “Yeah.”

Your posture suddenly stiffens, letting out a forceful breath but because of the tightness in your chest, breathing is suddenly the hardest task.

You try to fight for optimism but your veins that were once bursting are filling again, but with a deadly acid that poisons your body. It’s running through you, corrupting and decaying any ounce of understanding. You need to breathe but you couldn’t possibly fight for one breath when your insides are turning rotten. 

Jungkook finally takes a step forward but your feet carry you away from him, several steps back until you’re against the edge of your sofa. 

“y/n…” He says your name but you aren’t sure he deserves to because he…

“Y-You lied to me?” You finally manage to say the one thought that keeps pushing against your raging forehead. “You lied to me? You lied?” You blink at him, “You lied to me, Jungkook? You made me think we…?” You shakily gesture between your bodies, “You let me think…” 

“I…” Jungkook’s expression grows desperate. “I didn’t—I didn’t know what to do. I couldn’t…if I told you truth it would just…”

“The truth?” You look at him, disappointment in your killer gaze. “You lied to me. You lied—you lied. You would rather lie to me than—”

“—Yes!” He shouts, breathing heavier than before. “It’s one revelation after the other and you can’t handle the…” 

Your disappointment, your shock, your betrayal are slowly turning into anger.

“You lied to me.” You say, knowing it’s a fact now. “Why?”

Jungkook’s lips are parted and you’re both waiting for his explanation but it doesn’t come.

“I asked you why, Jungkook.” You feel your body sinking. An unbearable sadness creating a space inside your chest. “Tell me why and maybe…” You want to be reasonable. Maybe he had to or maybe he…no, why would he lie? Why would he lie to you? 

“It’s complicated.” Is the answer he settles for and the anger inside you finally snaps. Your body is struck with betrayal. 

“Com—complicated?” You ask the word in earnest. “You’re joking, right?”

“y/n…I asked you to always trust—”

“—You’re asking me to trust you after you lied to me?” Your jaw tightens, “Just tell me and we will see if—”

“—No.” He shakes his head, growing paler by the second. “I-I can’t. I really can’t.”

“You can’t tell me? Why?”

“Because I can’t!” He grows exasperated, his eyes blown out. “I fucking can’t. I can’t. I can’t say it. I can’t do that. I c-can’t.” His body gives up on him, shoulders shaking when he falls to his knees and he squeezes his eyes shut. “Don’t make me say—say it. I just can’t.” 

You look down at him, your confusion making you turn to anger instead of anything else.

You’re hurt.

But right now, being mad feels easier.

“Please, y/n.” His entire face makes you hurt more. “Please just…”

“Leave.” You say the word quietly. His eyes shoot open and he stares up at you. They’re blood shot and teary. “Please just leave.” 

Jungkook tries to stand again, his knees are weak but he tries anyway.

“y/n…” 

“Just leave.” You’re the one begging now, “Please just leave. Let me…just let me be right now.” You feel your own eyes grow wet, stinging and burning. Throat tight but you manage to beg him again, “Please just leave.”

Jungkook is trying to speak to you with his eyes and your brain, deep down, seems to understand him but your brain doesn’t want to let you in on this secret. He nods, blinking his eyes when a tear falls and his anxiously wipes it away. “Okay.”

He clearly doesn’t have it in him to fight you on this. Because for whatever reason, he can’t.

~~~

You wonder if this is how you felt when you first got divorced. Or maybe just a similar feeling. Like you’ve been stranded, abandoned and left for dead. Like your body has been drained of all the blood that pumps through you and someone has scooped out your heart and other organs and you’re now just an empty shell and a sorry excuse for a human being.

You might think to yourself that it’s quite dramatic to feel that way but somehow you feel even worse than that. 

You haven’t slept and you aren’t even really sure if you’ve even breathed since the news. You’re restless and anxious. You’re angry. You’re sad. And you’re heartbroken. You don’t even know what it must have felt like when you and Jungkook broke it off. What must have went wrong? So wrong that you two would go separate ways and you two wouldn’t speak to one another. 

A thought crosses your mind though…Misuk is upset with Jungkook. And she said you haven’t talked to him. She could have meant that you both haven’t spoken to one another in mutual agreement but Misuk’s hostility and choice of words have you believing different. 

So what exactly happened? And why does Jungkook refuse to explain it to you? 

You can’t imagine a world where he would betray you so badly that you’d divorce him and never speak again. But again, it’s been nine years. People do change. But you felt it in your bones…the happiness that coursed through his body when he was with you. You could feel how much he loves you. So then, what? 

You touch the screen of your phone that rests by your thigh on the sofa, the light is bright and blinding but you catch the time on the screen. It’s after 6 am already. Your mind working in overdrive to come to some sort of conclusion. But you realize you aren’t considering everything. 

You cannot be blind to the world around you. 

Your parents must know you’re divorced but why are they so willing to agree to your marriage? Why did they only seem happy? Why do they still love Jungkook despite that you’re divorced now? They still trust him, that is obvious.

But Misuk doesn’t. And Subin seems to be on the rocks but she doesn’t seem totally against him either. In fact, you overheard her in the café. She said they don’t know everything. You remember that being strange. Know what?

But in the end, you need to consider Jungkook the most. 

You two are apparently not together. And you two aren’t on speaking terms.

Then…is his apartment really his apartment? Suddenly, you feel even more lifeless at the thought. You can’t imagine the Jungkook you’ve always known…someone warm, cozy and tidy…living in that place. The countless bottles of alcohol, the little to no food, the stale air and even a hole in the wall that resembles too closely to the size of his fist. 

You also need to consider his reaction to everything as well.

You know in your heart of hearts…how off and conflicted he’s been since the beginning. You also know how hard things must have been for him as well. But you can’t help but still feel hurt, angry and bitter at the fact that he easily lied to you and kept up a façade about something you dreamed of. Making you feel like a fool for being so openly happy with him. When it wasn’t the truth. 

And maybe you are a fool.

A fool because 33 year old you might have the resolve to never speak to Jungkook but you, the you that exists now, doesn’t. And your brain is calling you a fool. Because it’s just a game for your brain. Your brain that hides all the answers and the truth. While you sit here completely clueless.

Clueless…

Clue…less…

Clue…?

Have there been any clues? Clues to the truth that you’ve missed? 

Think. You need to think.

You sit forward on your couch, elbows on your thighs while your head falls into your hands. 

You have to think. What are you missing that could—

The attic.

Your body moves quickly, suddenly standing from the couch when your head snaps towards the direction of the hallway. The attic…he hid your life away in the attic. You returned his keys to him—obviously—but you don’t think you locked it back up. Unless Jungkook went out of your sight to make sure it was locked again…then it should be unlocked and waiting for you to reveal your life. 

Your heart has seemed to return back inside your chest, racing wildly and uncontrollably, making you feel dizzy. You just have to take the first step in the attic’s direction and you could possibly uncover more. 

But you don’t move. Why? Why is it that you’re desperate for answers but your feet stay glued to the wooden floors? 

Fear has made you its prisoner once again.

But you need to release the shackles, break free and run out. Run far away from this thing that’s jailing you. Ignorance isn’t something you associate yourself with and you won’t start now.

Determined, though afraid, you take the first step. Then another. And another. Feet heavy with each step but you take them. You’re you. You will always walk towards the right thing. Even when others disagree…you know, the right thing is the truth. Because you will not be ignorant. 

You make it inside the mostly empty guest bedroom. It’s almost hotel like, no personal touch can be seen. For the first time, you feel odd being inside here. But not odd in the way that feels uncomfortable. But odd because it’s familiar. You take a moment, hand lifted towards the bedroom wall, flipping the light switch before your fingers lightly brush against the wall.

The paint in here is newer than the painted walls in the rest of the house. 

A weird feeling accompanies your touch.

But once your eyes land on the ladder you placed against the wall, you’re quick to shake off any other feelings before grabbing it, lifting it and taking it out into the hallway and setting it up underneath the attic door before you groan in realization that you don’t even need it. 

If it’s unlocked then you only have to pull the string and it should open. 

And hopefully that’s the case.

You slide the ladder off to the side, deciding you’ll put it away again when you’re finished. You stare up at the ceiling, eyes on the dangling string and you know what you must do. You have to fight off this hesitance, this fear and walk towards the truth that tries so desperately to hide from you. Okay. Deep breath. Any breath at this point. You reach up, fingers wrapped around the string tightly before you give it a tug. 

Your eyes expand when the door cracks open, clearly not enough pull to open it fully. 

It’s unlocked.

Heart still racing, blood rushing and insides twisting. You pull again. Harder. And the door opens and the wooden staircase comes down and you unfold it to its full length. All you have to do is go up these steps and search through the physical evidence of your life. The boxes. 

Your breaths are bated with each step you take that take you into the hole in the ceiling. The darkness feels consuming and you feel the chill wrap around your body the moment you enter inside. Walking further, you find the light and now a soft yellow makes the room glow. 

The boxes glare at you. Challenging you. ‘go ahead, open me.’ They whisper tauntingly. You glance around, feeling a chill at all the cob webs and no doubt, spider webs in the dark corners of the attic.

Fingers brush against the top of a few boxes, dust left on your fingertips, quickly wiping it off on your pants before you pry the first box open. It’s the same first box you opened last time…loose papers, notebooks, random sticky notes with words that make zero sense to you. You grab one notebook, open it and read the first page.

Jeez, your hand writing is messy.

Kim Joo Won > only Wednesdays and Fridays

Geum Jan Di > Mon-Fri

Cha Do Hyun > Tues-fri

Park Hae Yeoung > Tues and Thurs only

Lee Min Ho > Mon-fri

Park Jiyoo > Thurs and Friday  was off the Friday…see where he was. Confirmed out of town since Wednesday

You keep reading over the paper but you don’t understand what you’re reading. Your confusion grows…why do you have a list of people and days of the week connected to their names?

You turn the page and there’s a list of times now. Ranging from morning to the evening. With each persons name linked somewhere with a time of…are these work hours? Clock in and clock out times? 

You turn the page again but you can’t read your handwriting. Many words are scribbled out. 

You decide to close the notebook and set it back inside the box. You grab another notebook, opening it to a random page when you notice different pictures of people taped to the paper. Men and women with their names written next to them. Your eyes go wide. You see the name Lee Jaesung written next to a photo of a man you’re sure you recognize. 

It’s the man from the super market.

Next to his name is more scribbled words.

Lee Jaesung > Knows nothing.

And next to his picture and the words are pen scribbles that look done out of frustration.

What the hell is this? Why is the guy from the market inside this notebook with a bunch of other people?

You close the notebook, placing it inside again while you ignore this eerie feeling.

You push the box away and open another one. It’s the box with old clothes you had seen last time as well. You must have been wanting to donate them or something. You’re about to close the box when something catches your eye. On a piece of folded fabric beneath other articles of clothing, your eyes catch something that throws you off. A small patch of a cutesy koala clearly ironed onto the fabric. Your fingers go to touch it, curious about it for some odd reason. You pick at the little koala, the corners lifting off the fabric and you realize it might have been there a while and it’s starting to peel off.

It's cute, you think. 

You decide to look at your shirt in whole, hands suddenly digging it out of the box, unfolding the shirt when your heart stops. Face completely focused on what you’re holding and you can’t seem to shake off the feeling that consumes you. Your confusion grows. 

The shirt is small. Too small to be yours. 

Suddenly, your skin feels cold and clammy. Your brows pull so close together, dropping the shirt to the ground when your hands go back inside the box. You pull out more of the clothing. Clothing you are now realizing is not fit for an adult. Tiny shirts, tiny pants. You drop all of the random articles to the ground and at the very bottom of the box…tiny shoes.

These are clothes for children.

Boys clothes. 

Your fingers grab at the clothes frantically, your breaths growing heavier and heavier.

What is this? Why do you have this? 

You abandon the box, heart racing even faster as you make your way towards the other side of the attic where you found the box that held your old wedding photo. You need to breathe, you remind yourself. You’re no good if you pass out from lack of oxygen filling your lungs. 

But something haunting is crawling creepily over your skin.

You swallow hard, hands rubbing against your arms as if trying to brush away the spiders that must be crawling all over you with their millions of legs. But you only feel the unwanted goosebumps infecting your skin. 

Once again hesitant…you stare at the box that’s half open. The box that held the photo. 

You slowly reach for the left flap, lifting it and giving yourself a full view of the rest of the box. There’s more frames and you wonder if you can handle seeing more pictures of you and Jungkook living a life you don’t know of. 

You gather your resolve, taking a shaky breath before reaching inside. 

It’s a framed photo of you, Jungkook and your parents. You set it to the side before reaching in again. Framed photo of you and Jungkook at that park. A framed photo of you, Jungkook, Misuk, Subin and people you don’t recognize at a long dinner table. A framed photo of you and a group of people you don’t know holding up a ‘congrats on the promotion’ sign. 

Your hands shake, seeing yourself in all of these scenarios you don’t recall. 

Reaching the end of the box, you see one last photo of you and Jungkook wearing headbands that say ‘2017’ while sharing a kiss. 

You need to breathe. No matter how overwhelming this is…you need to breathe. 

You organize the photos back inside the box before pushing it away and opening another one. A really dusty one. You notice this box is taped closed and you struggle with peeling the tape back and getting it open. But once it is, you slowly open the flaps and reveal what is inside.

Again, your heart is aggressively throwing itself against your chest.

You are confused again. Slowly dipping your hands inside, you pull out a toy car. You bring it closer to you, inspecting the toy. A stabbing pain hits you relentlessly in your lower stomach. You carefully set it down before digging inside the box again, this time pulling out a zoo animals Lego set box. You don’t like this. Your brain is sending signals through your body again. You aren’t supposed to like this. Your brain is warning you.

You swallow even harder, your throat feeling tight and dry. 

You reach inside the box again and pull out a plastic robot, maybe around 6 inches in height. It looks like the most used toy so far…scratches across the plastic and even a missing hand. You turn it around, twisting it to look more carefully when you notice something written on the bottom of the foot with faded marker.

Haru.

It spells the name Haru. 

Who is Haru?

Your breaths won’t even out and relax. Who is Haru? You bring the toy close to your chest, gripping it tightly but your fingers are feeling weaker and weaker.

You know this toy. You think you do, anyway. It’s the first item in any box that feels familiar to you. And you aren’t sure what to feel about that.

Your lips are drying and even when you poke your tongue out to lick them, it doesn’t help. They continue to dry with an intensity that has you mistaking this cold air for the dessert. 

You place the robot back into the box, closing it softly before turning towards another box. 

You have to keep going.

Even though you aren’t sure how you will survive the rest of your searching.

Your chest aches. A physical pain from the pounding of your heart.

You reach for another box, sliding it towards you but it’s heavy. Heavy like the box that held photos. You get it opened and your breath hitches the moment you see this box also has photos. On top, a picture of Jungkook brushing his teeth in the bathroom mirror. His sleepy eyes and sad attempt at a peace sign. You hate that your eyes are stinging.

You grab another frame, eyes narrowing at the photo.

A picture of you and Jungkook at the park with his hand over your stomach as you both smile.

No…

Your chest rises and falls much faster. 

You reach for another photo and you don’t mean to shakily gasp, eyes burning at the sight. Your stomach looks huge in the photo, Jungkook’s face pushed up against it while you’re laughing. 

You aren’t capable of registering what the fuck you’re looking at. Your hands shake harder, the photo suddenly looking blurry. That can’t be you. That isn’t you. It’s not you.

“W-What…” Your voice is barely audible to your own ears. 

Your entire body goes rigid and cold.

You set the photo down before reaching for another one and as soon as you look at it, your shaky hands drop it. A loud slam to the attic floor and glass shattering at your feet. You blink at nothing, tears welling as you feel the blood completely drain from your face. You’re shocked frozen. Quick breaths that make you feel like you’re dying. 

You try so hard to snap out of it but how could you? How could you process the broken framed photo at your feet? How could you? 

You squat down, trembling fingers wiping away the hundreds of pieces of glass. The shards are sharp but nothing feels more piercing than the image that stares back at you. You pick up the picture, eyes blinking rapidly, ridding the tears that are forming. Tears because how could you understand and accept what you’re seeing?

You in a hospital bed with Jungkook’s arms around you. You both look ecstatic, teary eyed and smiling widely while in your arms…is a baby.

A baby.

You scoff underneath your breath. A baby.

Don’t you mean…your baby?

Immediately, just at the thought, you truly begin to panic.

There is no way. No fucking way you had a child. A child with Jungkook. You can’t believe this because nothing has felt more fucking unreal than this and nothing feels scarier. You don’t remember this. This can’t be you. This isn’t you. You aren’t you.

You drop the frame again, the loud thud making you wince before you step away slowly. Your eyes anxiously dart around again. The boxes are once again taunting you. You can’t. You can’t be in here anymore. You can’t do this anymore. You don’t want this anymore. You don’t want this life anymore. You want a life you can recognize but this is too far out of your element for you. This isn’t your life. This isn’t you. This isn’t you. This isn’t you.

Your breaths grow heavier, chest getting tighter and you’re wondering what it’s like to breathe because you don’t remember the last time you did now. Not normally, anyway. Your eyes can’t blink back tears anymore. You’re too overwhelmed to stop yourself from sobbing. Sobbing hard and uncontrollably. Pathetic whines leaving your mouth as you tremble at the sight of this attic. 

You need to get out of here.

You quickly turn the light off, stumble down the steps and without bothering to close the attic, you rush to the living room and collapse to the sofa. 

Tears flooding your cheeks. Sobs wracking your body. Misery consuming your soul. 

You are a mother?

Were a mother?

Where is this Haru?

Is Jungkook hiding an entire child? Perhaps Haru is with Jungkook’s parents? 

Everyone agreed to keep a fucking child from you? 

They shouldn’t have kept this from you. Sure, you’re 24 in your mind and nowhere near ready for a fucking child. But you birthed this kid and have no clue who he is. Your brain won’t even give you a piece of a memory that deals with someone you should love dearly.

Anger. Guilt. You aren’t sure what to feel right now.

But devastation for this entire thing should be a good start.

And you think you truly deserve that explanation.

You stuff your face into the cushion of the sofa you’ve grown to love and you cry. You cry hard and you cry loudly. You soak the sofa with your tears and you wonder how you could possibly accept this. Accept something that not only doesn’t feel real…but can’t be real.

You imagined marrying your best friend and that’s a place you could start. A place that was easy to accept. But this? This is hardly something you can recognize as a life of your own.

And you need Jungkook to tell you everything now.

Or you might truly go insane.

You don’t care it’s the ass crack of dawn, you feel for your phone that you know you left here on the couch and when you feel it, you bring it to your puffy face and try to find Jungkook’s name through your blurry vision. And you call him.

He must not be sleeping either because he answers before the first ring is even over.

“Hello? y/n?”

You don’t hide the fact you’re crying, “Come over. Now.” And you hang up.

~

Jungkook sits next to you, body turned towards you, completely stunned. You’re looking weak, unable to look at him for too long without growing emotional. He’s guilty. He lied to you. And you’re upset. But your puffy, red eyes has his heart aching dully in his chest. 

“Please talk to me, y/n…yell at me, hit me, anything you want but please say something.” He quietly begs you. He doesn’t dare reach for you, though his hands yearn to. Instead, he drums his fingers against his thigh.

You’re still unable to look at him, your brain still trying to process everything. But you know you need to speak up and get real answers. Answers that are the truth. And you need to hear them from Jungkook, himself. 

“I went,” You pause, trying to clear your throat but it still burns, feeling tight. “I went into the attic.” 

Jungkook’s fingers come to a sudden stop. “You what?” 

You finally lift your eyes to him, “I said I went into the attic.”

His face pales.

“I saw a lot of things.” Your gaze flickers down again, eyes stinging once more. “I saw that I was pregnant. I found his—Haru’s things…” 

Jungkook stares at you, pain and terror flashing in his eyes, his bottom lip quivering the moment you said Haru’s name. 

“We have a child and you didn’t say any—”

“—I…I…” He chokes on his words, his entire body tensing like it’s on the verge of shutting down.

“We have a son together and you didn’t mention anything?” You give him a hard stare, eyes looking cold and you see how he physically shatters under your gaze. He shatters just like the glass in the attic. He too is at your feet. At least it feels that way. “Say something Jung—“

“—Fuck!” He cries out, eyes slamming shut as his shoulders and chest begin to quake. “I can’t fucking do this.” He breathes out roughly, “I can’t do this again.” 

Your head pushes back in slight shock, “Do what?”

“Go through this.” He bows his head, silent tears falling to his lap. “I can’t tell you again.”

You feel struck with something eerie, “Tell me what again?”

Jungkook doesn’t answer you right away. He isn’t able to. He chokes on his words, chokes on his breaths and chokes on his tears. He’s shattered but there is nothing sharp or piercing about him. He’s soft around all edges. He’s soft. And he’s devastated.

“I’m—I’m not r-ready.” He cries into his hands. “This ha-happened too q-quickly. You shouldn’t…you shouldn’t…I can’t…” 

You feel the urge to reach for him and you do, your fingers going to the back of his head, massaging his scalp and neck. “What’s wrong? What’s happening?” You suddenly feel worried. 

Jungkook won’t calm down. A harsh reality suddenly all around you both. 

“Where is Haru, Jungkook? Why are you crying? Is he with your parents?” You ask him question after question and he only cries harder. You’re trying to piece it together. Where is your son? The kid you gave birth to? The one you don’t remember? He’s not…he can’t be…?

“Is he…dead?” You ask the question slowly between long breaths. “Is he—”

“—No!” Jungkook finally lifts his head, swollen eyes on you. “He’s not. He isn’t. He isn’t. He-He can’t be. Haru is…” He shakes his head violently, “He isn’t. Haru is alive. He’s…”

“Jungkook…” You see the pain and terror in his eyes still. And maybe pain and terror have always lived inside his irises. And you never understood it until now. “What happened?”

Jungkook wipes his face aggressively, trying his hardest to clean himself from his sorrowful tears. He takes deep breaths, eyes falling to yours where he seeks comfort.

“A little—a little over two years ago…” Jungkook takes another deep breath. “Haru….” He pauses, struggling to say it.

“What happened…?” Your heart is racing again.

“He—He was kidnapped. He was taken from us, y/n.” Jungkook spills the truth. The words fall from him mouth like vomit. “He was abducted and he—he hasn’t been found.”

You aren’t really processing this. You can barely believe you have a child. But now you have to believe this child is missing. You aren’t understanding. How could you?

“W-What?” You drop your hand from his hair. “What are you talking about Jungkook?”

He sighs out heavily, silent tears still leaving a miserable trail down his cheeks. “Haru was taken.” 

Haru…your son…was taken?

“And they closed the case. Too fucking early but they closed the case. They presume he’s…they don’t think he’s…” He can’t say it. But you hear him loud and clear. The police gave up on looking because they believe he’s dead.

You do feel sad. Maybe even heartbroken. But there is a disconnect because none of this sounds real to you. 

You look down at your lap, “This…this is around the time we got divorced?”

Jungkook chokes on a silent sob, “We divorced soon after.” He admits to you, “Losing my boy, losing you…and I lost my job eventually too.”

You look back up to him, “Why?”

His expression twists, shame gracing his features. “I was a mess, y/n. I couldn’t…I couldn’t handle myself or control myself. Finding Haru was all I could focus on but it led to too many bad things and eventually…Captain Kim, he felt for me.” Jungkook wipes his face again, “But they couldn’t keep me anymore.” 

Your heart sinks at his admission.

Jungkook has been suffering on his own while you are lost on all this trauma. 

This was obviously hard on both of you. It was too hard on both of you. He couldn’t handle himself? Control himself? But what about you? What were you like in all of this? 

Are you lucky that you don’t remember? 

Or is not knowing even worse?

“Okay…it’s okay…” You whisper towards Jungkook. Your heart mending itself from all the broken pieces because it makes sense now. Why Jungkook lied. Why he’s been so careful with you finding things out. Because this is…a lot. But right now, you want to comfort him. Because no matter what 33 year old you was going through…24 year old you just wants to hug her best friend.

~~~

It's been a few days since you found out about Haru. A little boy who doesn’t feel real to you. 

He was three years old when he was kidnapped.

And if he is still alive…he should be five now.

You’ve been detached and numb, unable to face anyone quite yet. Jungkook checks on you but suddenly, meeting his gaze has become harder. And you think he agrees. This is a huge shock for you and you see how repeating this news is just as hard for Jungkook. He’s burdened with something miserable that lingers in his eyes.

You finally decide to reach out to your parents today.

Needing them to know that you know everything now. 

You call your mom, phone to your ear as you listen for each ring until her sweet voice is calling a melodic ‘hello!’. 

“Hey.” You mumble into the phone, “Is dad with you?”

“Your dad?” Your mom sounds far from the phone, “Hold on, I’m putting away some groceries. Almost done!”

You smile a little, “Okay.”

After some shuffling in the background, you hear your moms voice in your ear now. “Okay! What’s up?”

“Is dad with you?” You repeat your question.

“Oh.” Your mom sighs out, “Nope. He’s with Jungkook’s father, they’re out playing golf.”

“Oh.”

“Why? Is everything okay? Are you trying to get a hold of him? Is he not answering?”

“No, no.” You shake your head, though she can’t see you. “I wanted to talk to both of you…but it’s okay. You can just fill him in.”

“Fill him in?”

“I know me and Jungkook are divorced.” You say the words quickly. “Why did you pretend we were married?”

It’s silent. Just soft breaths barely audible on the other line. “Well,” Your mom finally breathes out, “I think it was easier that way.” She admits. “You two love each other very much so I just didn’t see the issue.”

You scoff, “We’re divorced yet you—”

“—It’s not like he’s a bad guy. Or you’re bad, either.” She cuts in. “Things just…”

“I know about Haru.” You tell her. You hear how she inhales a sharp breath.

“H-Haru…” She repeats slowly, “You know because…?”

“I found out.” You tell her, “I don’t have my memories.”

Your mom is quiet on the other line before you hear her sniffling.

“Mom?”

She takes a deep breath, “I’m sorry.” Her voice is shaky. “This isn’t fair for you, honey. I’m so sorry.”

You sigh, “It’s not like I remember.”

“You know…after the abduction…” Your mom grows more and more emotional, “There were days where I wished I could take your pain and heartbreak away. But not remembering your son is also another pain and heartbreak.”

You don’t mean to get teary eyed at that. You try to keep your voice even. “I-I guess.”

“After everything…” Your mom clears her throat, “You really shut down. Of course you did. You’re a mother who lost her child. But…you just…you shut everyone out. You didn’t really talk to me or dad much anymore and we felt helpless. How couldn’t we feel that way?” 

“Mom…”

“We were devastated when you filed for divorced.” She says. “You and Jungkook were both heartbroken and in a bad place…it was obviously too much for both of you. But instead of figuring it out together…you fell apart.”

You divorced…because losing Haru was too much to bear?

Your heart sinks deeper. You can’t imagine what Jungkook felt.

Or you. But you won’t understand that one until you feel it again one day when your memories return.

“The pain was too much but I wish you would have stayed together…what you needed was each other.” 

“Oh.”

“And…we’re all devastated about Haru. But seeing the both of you completely broken…was another heartbreak we had to feel.”

~

You’ve thought about the conversation you had with your mom earlier all day. You sit here, trying to analyze her words. But they aren’t hard to understand. She claims you and Jungkook fell apart and divorced because the pain of losing your son was too unbearable. And you realize it is a solid reason. 

Your foot taps against your wooden floor, anxiously waiting for Misuk and Subin to arrive. You sent them a long text explaining everything and they said they’d be over as soon as possible. But you’re anxious. Anxious that even they know about a son you gave birth to when even you don’t. Anxious because you realize you feel guilty over it. Guilty you can’t remember something that is supposed to be precious. 

You sit here when your hands fly to your forehead when it suddenly starts pounding. A horrible ache pushing against your skull and you wince at the pain. Shit, you haven’t taken your medicine today. Standing from your sofa, you intend to walk to the kitchen but fists get knocked against your front door.

They’re here.

Taking a deep breath, your feet take you to them instead. And as soon as the door is opening, Subin and Misuk bring you into their arms while they whisper their apologies and sorrows. You wish you were still numb. But you aren’t. You tremble in their hold instead and let yourself cry into their arms.

After several minutes and your determination to calm yourself, you finally pull away from the girls and offer a small smile. “Sorry.” You try to laugh to ease your sadness.

Subin pouts at you, “No.”

“Don’t say sorry.” Misuk smiles at you, “I’m sorry. Sorry for everything…you overheard me and it all turned out like this…”

“Well, you aren’t wrong.” You bump her shoulder. “Let’s sit.”

You girls walk into your living room and plop down onto the sofa. “This sucks.” You try to laugh but your chest feels heavy. “How is it that my life turned out like this?”

“I know…” Misuk frowns. “I really am sorry that things spiraled and you found things out like this…I hated lying to you. I hated seeing everyone lie to you. You deserved to know the truth because I know that’s…” She bites her lip, worry written all over her face. “That’s what you’d want. But I truly don’t know what would have been worse…finding out like this or finding out because your memories returned and everything would hit you like a ton of bricks.” You glance down at your hands, trying to mull over her words. You think she’s right. But you think she’s right in a way of the you who would want it this way because you didn’t know any better.

“I just,” You sigh out, “I just can’t believe me and Jungkook’s marriage failed when we needed each other most.”

Your head snaps up when you hear Misuk scoff.

“What?” You question her while she narrows her eyes at nothing. “What is it?”

The space between her eyebrows crease, “Your marriage didn’t fail because of your mutual heartbreak over Haru’s abduction, y/n.” She finally meets your eye. “Is that what you think?”

For the millionth time, your heart beat grows faster. “What do you mean?”

“Your marriage failed because you blamed Jungkook for it.”

Your heart comes to a complete stop. “What?”

“You blamed him for the kidnapping.” She clarifies, “But I guess Jungkook conveniently left that part out.”

“What…what are you—“

“—Misuk.” Subin says her name with a harsh, cold tone. “Enough already.” 

“What?!” Misuk grows frustrated, eyes on Subin now. “She already knows this much—”

“—You don’t even know everything!” Subin cuts her off, “It’s not like we even know what y/n was thinking at that time! She didn’t even…” She suddenly gets quieter, her eyes going to you now. “She…you…” She meets your surprised gaze at her outburst. “You barely even spoke to us after the incident.”

You feel cold all of the sudden.

“You…” Subin tears her gaze away, “You got so distant. And we don’t blame you, of course we don’t blame you. But,” She looks at Misuk again, “How could you blame Jungkook for that?”

“y/n had her reasons!” Misuk throws back at Subin, “She told me herself.”

“It was fucking vague.” Subin rolls her eyes.

“Yeah? Well it was hint enough.” 

You look between the girls, their own tension forming between their bodies. “Wait, wait. Just hold on. What is happening?”

Subin looks at you again, “Nothing.”

“No.” You shake your head, “What is Misuk talking about?”

“Look,” Misuk takes a deep breath. “All I know is that you blame Jungkook. Before Haru was taken…it was clear your marriage was rocky even then. You didn’t talk about it though. But something was wrong.” Misuk fills you in even when Subin glares at her. “And I trust you.” 

On one hand, you’re flattered Misuk is such a ride or die. But on the other hand, you’re only left feeling more and more confused. 

But Jungkook’s voice is in your head now.

Him asking you to always trust him. 

It doesn’t sound like Misuk has solid evidence to be so against Jungkook. She only has your word. And since you can’t trust your own self right now. You’ll believe in Jungkook.

~~~

You want to believe in Jungkook. But Misuk’s warning words remain ringing in your head. You lay here in bed, mind racing with theories that make you want to vomit. Your head still hurts and something odd keeps bothering you. Like a memory wants to push itself out of your brain but it keeps holding it back.

You toss and turn in bed. The same numbness has returned. 

You don’t think you mind. You accept the numb sensation that takes over your body from the inside out, you disappear with it. You’re grateful because it provides the escape from the raw reality that you suffer. 

It is a preference.

Rather than feeling overwhelmed with a million emotions chaotically colliding inside your brain…you feel nothing but guilt from escaping. And you prefer this guilt over others.

You turn your head to the right, towards the window, when you feel your phone vibrating against your mattress.

Who is calling at this hour?

Grabbing your phone and looking at the screen, you see Jungkook’s name. Is he so lucky to escape too? Or is he in the reality where he suffers?

“Hello?” You murmur into the phone. 

“Hey,” Jungkook speaks quietly, “Um…I didn’t wake you, did I?”

“Cute that you think I’d be able to sleep.” You half joke. “What’s up?”

Jungkook sighs into the phone, “Honestly…if you’re up for it. Want to talk? In person?”

You sit up from bed, “In person?”

“Yeah.” You suddenly hear soft, distant knocks on your front door. “I’m kind of already here.”

You lower the phone to your chest, head turned in the direction of your open bedroom door, where you know Jungkook is in the distance outside at your front door.

You quickly end the call, standing from the bed when you make your way to him. Door opening and a gust of wind enters your house with his scent carried with it, hitting your nostrils and you melt. But you shouldn’t.

“Hey.” You nod towards the inside of your home. “Come in.”

Jungkook gives you a timid smile before walking in, slipping his shoes off and going to the couch.

“I—”

“—Actually,” You cut him off before he can say anything. “I want to lay down. I feel…drained.” You admit to him with a tired smile, “Can we lay in my bed? Just to lay. And talk.”

Jungkook looks conflicted but he sees how exhausted you clearly are. “Okay.” He whispers, “We can.”

You lead him to your bedroom, for some reason you go to the side of the bed closest to the window even though you usually sleep on the side closest to the door. You lay on top of the blanket and rest your head atop the fluffy pillow. 

Jungkook takes a breath before climbing into the bed as well. A small smile threatening to pull his lips apart. You notice.

“What?” You question him but he shakes his head, suppressing the smile.

“No, it’s just…this is my side of the bed. And that’s yours. It’s like your body remembered even if you don’t.” He tells you quietly, a shy expression on his face. “It’s silly to think about that, I guess.”

You feel your cheeks grow warm. Embarrassment clear on your face. “Oh.” You’re both facing one another.

“Um, it’s—” Jungkook rests his head against the pillow but he pauses because he’s sure he feels something. “What’s…” He reaches underneath and his curious gaze turns somber. “Haru’s robot…” He whispers, the toy in his hands.

You grow more fucking embarrassed.

“Oh shit.” You blurt, completely forgetting it was under that pillow. “I just…it…” It was the one item in the attic that felt even a little familiar to you so you went back up to get it. “I felt…connected to it somehow.” You admit to him.

Jungkook nods slowly, “That makes sense. Haru wouldn’t go anywhere without this thing. The bath, to daycare, to Busan, any car ride—” He laughs a little. “Even needed this friend when his stomach hurt and he had to poop.” 

You crack a smile, “Thanks, that makes me feel great for having it under my pillow now.”

“Eh, I’m sure it’s clean. You always made sure everything was clean for him.” Jungkook lowers the robot to the mattress, “I know you aren’t aware. But you’re the best mom in the world.”

Heat crawls up your neck, “That feels weird to hear.”

“I know.” Jungkook frowns but he tries not to. “But you should hear it.”

“Should I?”

“Yeah.” He tells you with earnest eyes. “He reminded me all of the time that you were the best mommy in the world. He,” Jungkook breaks into a small grin, quietly chuckling when he sorts through his own memories. “I remember when I would take him to work and in front of everyone I would tell him I love him and he would respond with, ‘and I love mommy.’ Such a brat, that kid.” He laughs, keeping his emotions at bay. 

You can’t help but giggle too. 

 “He was always changing. One minute he would be outgoing and talk to anyone and the next he was guarded and shy. And I know all kids say wild stuff but he really said the wildest stuff.” Jungkook continues to smile. “I never knew what crazy thing he would say in public that would make me look like a questionable dad. Swear he did it on purpose.” 

“He sounds fun.”

“He is. Never bored around him.” Jungkook’s smile turns so soft. “He always slept through the night too. Once he was out…that was it until the morning. He might have been a pain in the ass sometimes but I really appreciated it that because,” Jungkook’s soft smile drops and his gaze darkens with something coy, “He never interrupted my time with you.” 

More heat envelopes your body. “That so?”

“Heavy sleeper too.” Jungkook tells you, “Never knew what we were up to.”

He finally cracks a teasing smile and you push his chest with a small laugh. “Shush.”

Jungkook still smiles at you but it turns more serious. “I know this is all…a lot for you. But being able to talk about Haru with you feels…” He sighs before swallowing his emotions. “It makes me believe in living again.”

You pinch your brows together, “What do you mean?”

“I think I’ve only been surviving.” He admits. “I haven’t felt alive since the last time we were really together.” 

Without thinking, you reach for him. Palm resting flat against his beating heart. “You feel alive to me.” You whisper.

“That’s because you’re here.” He whispers back, “This,” He taps your hand, talking about his heart. “Hasn’t made a single sound until you told me you loved me.” 

You wish his words wouldn’t affect you. But 24 year old you is affected. Because 33 year old you isn’t here right now. 

You aren’t sure if that’s good or bad. 

“Can I ask you something?” You gaze into his eyes. His eyes are soft and might you say, full of love when he nods quickly.

“You’re working on a case with your ex-partner Jimin…is it about Haru?”

Jungkook slowly closes his eyes when he frowns, “I can’t tell you anything about it, y/n…I can’t involve you.”

You sigh, “Okay.” Then you ask him something else. Feeling direct. “Misuk doesn’t trust you. Why?”

Jungkook suddenly looks annoyed. “Because she doesn’t know anything. It’s all assumptions on her end but you trust me, right?”

You think you do. So you nod.

“When your memories return…can you still trust me?” He asks you, but it sounds like he didn’t direct the question towards you at all. And that causes an uneasiness to stir.

But still, you are choosing him right now.

You glance to his chest and notice your hand is still against him and you laugh a little, “Sorry. I’m still touching you.”

“It’s okay.”

“I swear I’m not trying to throw myself at you.” And then you scrunch up your features. “Oh no, that’s what I was doing, right? Previously…I was totally forcing myself on you.” 

Jungkook can’t help but snort a little, smiling tugging at his lips. “You didn’t force yourself on me, y/n.”

Now it’s your turn to snort, “Liar.”

His fingers go to your hand again, softly drumming them across the top of your hand and you feel his heart beat harder. “And why would I ever lie to you?” 

You feel the vibration against your skin when each of his fingers land with a rhythmic beat. You recall this sound like a melody and his words are the lyrics. 

You notice how it feels when he basically sings his silent promise to you.

“Yeah, you’d never lie to me, right?” You ask, voice cracking. “Not really, right?”

Jungkook’s fingers come to a stop before he’s wrapping them around your hand. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.” 

You quickly shake your head, “No, I can understand.” Your voices quivers. “I was angry. But I can understand.”

“I never lied about my feelings, you know?” He keeps holding your hand in his. “I do love you. I have for so long and I’m never going to stop.”

He’s staring so intently into your eyes and you’re wondering how you couldn’t trust this man. You can see his heart in his eyes and it’s beating so wildly for you.

~~~

The market is busy. It seems everyone is trying to do their grocery shopping today. You and Subin roam the aisles, plucking items off the shelves with giddy smiles. You’re going to bake Jungkook his favorite homemade cookies. You finally found the recipe books and wrote down all the ingredients. 

Thankfully, since it will be your first time giving it a go, Subin has offered to help you. You’re both searching for vanilla but it seems that either they’re out or you’re totally missing it.

“What if we just skip the vanilla?” You say nonchalantly but Subin gasps.

“Bakers all around the world all have a tear running down their face right now not knowing the reason why all because you just said that!” She says dramatically, “Vanilla is crucial!”

You can’t but laugh, “Yeah, yeah.”

“We still need brown sugar too, right?” Subin eyes the shelves. “Is it just me or is it so unorganized?”

“You know how people are,” You shrug. “When they don’t want an item anymore they just stick it anywhere.” Then you point at something, “That explains why there’s a package of uncooked chicken on the shelf with flour.”

“That can’t be safe.” Subin shudders. “Anyway, did you already grab the chips Jungkook wanted?” She eyes your cart, “You’ll totally forget. Go grab them and I’ll finish finding the vanilla and brown sugar.” She grins at you with rosy cheeks. 

“Oh I did totally forget.” You say, glancing at the cart as well. You look up at the aisle numbers and search for the word ‘chips’. “Sweet, it’s only two aisles over. Be right back!”

You walk over to aisle four, eyes browsing all of the chip options when you spot a few you ‘d like as well.

“Hmm, these ones.” You grab a bag, “And these ones.” Another bag. “Oh, yes…these ones too…” You hold three bags in your arms. “Right, I need to get Jungkook’s too.” You whisper, eyes searching for the brand he wanted. You smile when you spot them, trying your best to carry the three bags in one arm while you reach for the other bag. On your tip toes, you grab it and successfully hold all four bags. Feeling accomplished, you quickly turn around but bump into someone, dropping all of your chips.

“Ah, sorry, sorry!” You apologize to the stranger. Your eyes meet and you’re met with the familiarity like you are every time. “Oh. Nabi.” You say her name like you two are fully acquainted. 

Nabi stares at you wide eyed before offering a smile. “Hi.” She says before glancing around, her kind eyes suddenly looking anxious. “How are you? Um, here…let me help—”

“—Oh no, it’s okay!” You smile. But you both bend down at the same time, bumping heads and you’re about to giggle about it but suddenly it’s like images start flashing in your mind. You try to brush it off, reaching down to grab the chips instead of focusing on whatever images you saw that don’t make sense.

You reach for a bag at the same time as Nabi and when your hands touch, you swear the world goes completely still. Your eyes meet in panic and suddenly more images are speeding around in your brain and before you know it, they aren’t just images. But full on scenarios.

And for the first time, they do make sense.

You pull your hand back quickly, eyes blinking rapidly while you try to step back.

“y/n?” Nabi’s kind eyes turn concerned. “Hey, are you okay?”

You take another step back. 

Blood draining from your body. 

These aren’t just scenarios.

These are memories.

You stare at her, bewildered. Your panicked breathes leaving your mouth quickly as you try to ease your nerves. “Um,” You swallow thickly. “I—I…” Your fingers begin to tremble and you’re unable to hold the chips anymore.

Nabi watches you carefully, “Are you—”

You don’t let her finish, your feet taking you far from here. Panicked, anxious and alert…you race back to Subin and the moment she sees you, the adorable smile gets wiped off her face.

“What’s wrong?” She asks immediately, her hands going to your shoulders. “Hey, talk to me.”

But you’re breathing too quickly, your eyes blown wide. 

“What’s wrong?” She repeats, her worry evident. “Are you okay? Did something happen? Hey, y/n…calm down.”

Calm down?

You can’t calm down. Your breathing is harsh and heavy. Your chest is closing in on itself.

You wanted to trust Jungkook. You wanted to ignore Misuk’s words. You wanted to. Really. But with all the things you’ve just seen fly through your head, and the few new memories that sit tightly tucked inside your brain…you don’t know that you can.

Misuk might not have had any solid reason…but your own memories feel like reason enough.

You’re silently gasping for air, struggling to breathe. But you manage to say the words that make you feel like you’re fucking dying inside. “I know,” You swallow hard. “I know why I blame Jungkook.”

~

Next

Glad I stumbled across this sweet little gem. Jungkook deserves all the cuddles and lots of love. Jungkook is adorable and OC is the kind of supportive friend we all need in our lives.

Fall Back in Love | jjk

> jungkook somehow grew a reputation of sleeping around on campus, leaving him lonely and inexperienced with relationships. so when you, his old childhood best friend moves onto campus, he discovers what a relationship can feel like as he finds himself falling in love with you

> jungkook x f.reader, childhood best friends,friends to lovers, slow burn, light smut, jealous! jungkook, needy!jungkook, mature, mentions of blood and fighting

Fall Back in Love drabble

wc: 17.6k (got carried away)

“why would we go on a date?” jungkook fought the frown that wanted to appear on his face. not again. this had to be the at least the third time this month he’s had the exact same conversation the morning after he slept with a woman he either got chatting to at a party or a local club. it was like every woman within a five mile radius had a meeting and collectively decided to sleep with him then never see him again afterwards. he didn’t want to seem pathetic, isn’t that exactly what the majority of guys his age wanted? in their eyes he had the perfect situation going on, constant sex when he wanted it with no strings attached. what he wanted to know however was how they dealt with the constant loneliness that occurred every time the hook up left? or the heartache that came when he saw a college couple walking around campus throwing their love in his face every morning at 8am? he tried not to be bitter, it was cute they found someone to spend their college years with. no he was bitter, so very bitter. he was a romantic at heart, so how did he get such a reputation that meant no woman ever wanted to even go on one date?

Keep reading

I can't wait to read the next chapter. I really feel for both oc and Jungkook. I feel it is something to do with his job. It is sad no matter what happened, because Jungkook is clearly still in love with oc.

Our Time | JJK (Four)

Summary: After an accident and being in a coma for three months, you finally wake. But the last nine years of your life have been completely erased. You rely on none other than your best friend, Jungkook, to help regain your memories and yourself. But what happens when the truth of your missing time starts unraveling and it isn’t all it’s made out to be?

Pairing: Jungkook x Fem Reader (Detective!Jk x Graphic Designer!OC) side pairing: Seokjin x Reader

Genre: crime au, fluff, heavy angst, smut, romance, darker themes, amnesia au. Best friends to ???

Word Count: 13k

Warnings: swearing, frustrations of amnesia, mentions of alcohol, slight panic attack, confession, secrecy, lots of bonding, mentions of sex, sexual tension, yearning, erection, dirty talk (details of sexual scenarios) over the pants action, mentions of oral (fem and male rec.)

a/n: another important chapter 🤭 please let me know what you think! Send an ask if you want to be added to the taglist or just want to chat :]

© taestefully-in-luv

Previous --- Next

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You finally lower the frame after staring at it with heart eyes for way too long. There are more than a million thoughts running through your mind but it seems your ability to truly think is somewhat halted because of the giddiness that trots around in your belly. Yes, you’re confused. Yes, you’re shocked. Yes, you’re in almost complete disbelief. But if this is true?

Then yes, you are also over the fucking moon.

You continue to look at the framed photo, eyes scanning every little detail. You take a moment to wipe your sleeve against the glass, built up dust making it harder to see clearly. You, in a long, beautiful wedding gown, fingers wrapped around Jungkook’s bicep and a look of bliss on your face. Jungkook’s suit is hugging his muscles, the tie neatly wrapped around his neck as one of his hands rest over yours. His smile is huge and his cheeks are rosy. You know when he looks genuinely happy and this is it. 

You try to suppress a growing grin, heart still racing and beating loudly in your ears. But suddenly, a headache starts forming and you roll your eyes. Maybe it’s ‘logic’ trying to push against your forehead, causing an ache to bring you back to reality.

You are happy that apparently you and Jungkook are married. But you also don’t know for sure yet. It might seem obvious but hey, you never know. This would explain the secrecy and his lonely apartment. He doesn’t actually live there, right? Maybe he just got that place quickly so he could keep up the façade of you two only being friends. 

But why keep this a secret in the first place? 

It is huge news so maybe that’s why. 

Regardless, you need to confront Jungkook. You need to tell him you know about this and if it’s actually true. And hopefully he will be just as pleased as you. He doesn’t have to pretend anymore. 

You decide to stick the frame under your arm as you close the box again. You glance around the attic one last time. Boxes everywhere, lots of dust and lots of evidence of a life you don’t know. But at least you know something and you’re going to stick to your word—nothing more than the recipe book…even though, you found something else entirely. 

Climbing down the attic steps, you can hear Jungkook’s snores from the living room. You finally get the attic closed but when the door shuts, your entire body goes still at the loud ‘bang’ when it slams shut. You’re quick to snap your head in the direction of Jungkook but when you don’t hear his snores anymore, you feel your insides twist and turn. 

Frozen, you keep your body turned in the direction of the living room and it seems Jungkook’s snores don’t continue. And then you hear the sound of feet on the wooden floors.

“y/n?” Jungkook’s voice is distant and groggy. 

You take a deep breath, eyes going to the ladder and the frame under your arm before you hold it in your hands and bring it to your chest, picture facing you. You know he’s going to appear in the hallway any second as he looks for you and you know you have to face him regardless.

“In the hall.” You finally call out. 

Not even five seconds pass before Jungkook’s sleepy figure appears before you. His hair sticks up in all directions, fist rubbing at his eye as he tries to adjust to the light in the hallway. It takes him a moment to register what he’s seeing. You, beneath the attic with a ladder next to you and something in your hands. 

“What—” He glances around much more quickly now, feet suddenly moving as he comes closer to you. “What are you doing?” He finally looks awake. Alert. Panicked. “Hey, what are you—are you trying to get into the…” He shakes his head, brows furrowing. “What are you doing, y/n?”

“Well—”

“—Did you go into the fucking attic?” He cuts you off, eyes on the ceiling as panic and concern paints his face. 

“I needed to find something.” You tell him calmly. “So I—”

“—What the fu…” He swallows hard, eyes not finding yours. “I told you not to…” Jungkook’s fingers go to his temples, eyes shutting as he tries to gather his thoughts. “You realize how fucking—”

“—I didn’t snoop into anything, really.” You rush to say though you speak slowly. Your own concern etching itself onto your features. “I was only looking for a recipe book.”

Jungkook finally looks at you and you feel small. “A fucking recipe book? That’s worth going into the attic for? I told you that there are too many things in there that would overwhelm you!” His chest moves up and down quickly, lips set in a firm line as he stares at you incredulously. “This—”

“—I only found this.” You keep your voice calm. You flip the frame to face him and you watch as his entire expression falls, every hard line on his face smooths out the moment he sees what you’re holding. And then suddenly his face begins paling.

“You—You…” He blinks at the photo, mouth fallen open. 

“Is this…” You speak quietly, suddenly insecure about the entire situation but you still move closer to him, eyes looking up into his and he immediately softens because of your delicate yet unsure expression. “Are we?” 

Jungkook’s teeth dig into his bottom lip as he gazes down at you, his eyes growing watery.

“Did we really get married?” You push the frame closer to him, your expression shifting from unsure to pleading. “Did you fall in love with me? Is this real?”

Jungkook’s expression completely crumbles at your questions, “Yes…” His voice cracks, pausing to clear his throat. “We got married…” Then he grows sad, “How wouldn’t this be real?” He asks, weak smile tugging at his lips as he takes the frame from you and he looks down at it.

“I don’t know…” Your heart starts thumping harder, you use every muscle in your face to keep you from smiling. “Maybe since I’m kind of crazy about you…that I photoshopped it or something.” 

Jungkook snorts and you feel your body relax. “Photoshop?” He laughs but his eyes are still watery. “No, no.” He brings the frame to his body like he’s hugging it. “This is very real.”

You can feel the tiny hairs all over your body rise in disbelief. You know how shocking and unreal this all is. But there’s something inside you that feels relieved, pleased and comforted. Because you have felt it in your bones that the connection between you and Jungkook was somehow different and you craved him more than your mind or body could explain.

“I’m married to you?” You stare at the frame in his hands, eyes huge with wonder. “You…this feels crazy.” You say, quietly trying to sort your thoughts. “How do we…” You finally tear your eyes from the frame and look at him. “How do we act now?”

Jungkook’s silence feels like hands wrapped around your throat. 

His body stands tall yet stiff. Fingers gripping the frame like he’s afraid it’ll drop and glass will shatter. Jungkook breaths are bated and you feel your own throat constricting when his silence continues.

“Jungkook?” You murmur his name, voice straying from confidence as insecurity leaks through the one word. 

He flinches. 

After another moment, Jungkook tries to clear his throat and speak but it seems any words he wants to say die somewhere in his chest, along with his heart. “Um,” He still doesn’t lift his eyes to you, avoiding your gaze as he continues to stare down at the frame.

“Jung—“

“—Did you see anything else in the attic?” He asks, voice slightly shaky as he doesn’t rip his eyes from the frame still. “Or was this it?”

“This was it.” You tell him honestly, his gaze finally meeting yours. Perhaps he wanted to catch your own telltale tic when you lie. But you aren’t lying.

“How are you feeling?” He asks, tone much softer. “How is your head? This doesn’t feel real for you, right? This probably might seem crazy.”

“Yes and no.” Your lips manage to form a hesitant smile. “It is crazy because wow, I’m married. But also, it isn’t crazy because even 24 year old me can’t imagine my life ending up this way with anyone else but you.”

Jungkook stares at you with big, doe eyes. A crease forming between his eyebrows as his lips twist, teeth suddenly digging into the flesh when he tries to control his obvious emotions. 

You thought he might be pleased you know but you don’t expect to see his eyes grow teary when they well with uncertainty and longing. 

He had to pretend this relationship didn’t exist between you both. It must have been incredibly hard for him.

“How are you feeling?” You try to step closer to him, but your body is still going through shock despite your mind feeling more at ease. 

Jungkook lightly scoffs at your question, lips twitching when he can’t answer with words. He’s growing more and more unknown to you. This is brand new territory. Jungkook knows you even more than you recall. He knows you differently than you know him. You’ve never experienced a romantic dynamic with him—well, you have, you just don’t remember. 

You eye him carefully, his muscles looking unbearably tense. You walk forward more, hand reaching towards him as you try to gently pry the frame from his hands. “You know you have the real thing in front of you, right?” You innocently tease, smirk on your lips but it gets immediately wiped clean from your face when Jungkook’s shoulders shake a little and he chokes on whatever words have risen to his throat. 

“I…do…” He finally looks at you, the uncertainty and longing now clearly evident on his features. “I miss you.” He whispers.

He doesn’t just miss you, his best friend. No, he misses you, his wife.

“I can imagine this has been hard for you.” Your fingers wrap around his. You’re met with his cold and clammy skin. “Pretending we’re just friends.”

Jungkook takes a deep breath, his watery eyes blinking back his emotions. “You have no idea.” He tells you, “How fucking hard this is. How hard everything has been.” His voice cracks and he pauses to take a moment to collect himself. 

“Well…” You dart around anxiously, cheeks growing warm. “You don’t have to pretend anymore.” You intertwine your fingers now, feeling brave but still so nervous.

Jungkook finally cracks a small smile, “I might not have to pretend there isn’t something between us but it doesn’t mean I can just act like how we used to. This is brand new for you.”

You shake your head quickly, a cute expression that makes Jungkook melt on your face. “I don’t mind, really.”

He laughs, his own head shaking. “It’s not a switch that can get flipped.”

“Fine.” You groan playfully, the atmosphere finally lightening and it seems the invisible fingers around your throat finally let you go. “But I can definitely ask questions now, right? And you’ll give me answers.”

Jungkook’s smile drops a little but he nods, although a bit hesitant.

“I can’t wait, Ribbit.”

~~~

You stare at Jungkook, teasing smile lifting your lips as you watch him awkwardly watch you. “You know, kind of strange that you choose now to not sit too close to me.”

He chuckles, fingers fiddling with one another. “I’ll admit it’s actually a little more nerve wracking.”

“Now that I know we’re…romantically,” You wiggle your brows, “Involved?” 

Jungkook’s cheek burn as he stares you, eyes filled with the same uncertainty and longing you’re beginning to truly pick up on. “Isn’t this weird for you?”

“What’s weird is how far you’re sitting from me, Jungkook.” You point out, “Or should I call you something more cute?” 

“Cute?”

“Mhm. What do I usually call you? Babe? Honey? Sweetheart? Baby?” You’re obviously teasing him. You always imagined he would get this flustered. He is. Even though you both have been married for seven years, it seems he still flushes under your gaze and your words. You love that.

“Just call me Jungkook.” He swallows down his own name, shy smile. “Don’t jump into anything you don’t really understand.”

He says this softly but you know he’s warning you—as gently as possible.

“You’re no fun.” You pout, loving this new dynamic. Well, you aren’t really sure it’s a new dynamic but it’s definitely a new way to tease him. Your best friend who ran home crying when he was a kid. Your best friend who got walked on from previous dates. Your best friend who grew up so incredibly well. 

“I beg to differ.” He smiles at you, “I think you’d describe me as really fun actually.”

“Maybe.” You lean back onto the sofa, “I think I’d think you’re more fun if you sat close to me.”

“And how exactly would that be fun?” He raises a curious brow.

Your eyes shine in amusement before you smirk, “I think you know.” You say slowly making Jungkook roll his eyes, uncontrollable smile on his face. 

“You’re really something.”

“But you like it, right?”

Jungkook meets your eye, serious expressing beginning to shadow his previous mirth. “You have no idea.” He tells you. “I’ll sit closer but let’s have some boundaries, don’t you think?”

You soften, smiling at Jungkook before you answer. “Okay.”

“Alright, I know you’re dying to know how this all began, right? What’s your first question, hm?”

“Hm,” You heart starts dancing in your chest when Jungkook finally scoots closer to you, his warmth suddenly caging you as if his arms were tight around your body. Well, you wish that was the case. “Okay, did something happen at Sana’s wedding? I kind of suspected we might have hooked up? Is that when I confessed?”

Jungkook suddenly looks incredibly amused, some shyness getting replaced with something more lively, “What makes you think you’re the one who confessed first?” He asks you, making your mouth fall open.

“There’s no way it wasn’t me.” You look surprised, “You did first?!”

He starts laughing, you swear you can feel the rumble in his chest just by the sound alone. “No it was definitely you.” 

Your face breaks into a grin, “I fucking knew it.”

“I wasn’t as brave as you.” He grows more tender, eyes filled with so much adoration as he stares at you.

“So…did I confess on Sana’s wedding night?”

“Nope.” He tells you, “Nothing happened that night.”

“What?” You purse your lips, “I was so sure.”

“Well…” He blushes, “Not exactly anyway.”

“What do you mean?”

“It was sort of the night everything changed between us though. Without anything actually changing?”

“I still don’t get it.”

Jungkook bites onto his lower lip, trying to remember how you both described it many years ago. “Everyone was making fun of as usual.” He starts, “And it’s like we both become extremely aware of each other. Openly?”

“Openly?”

“I already knew for a long time how I felt about you but I never made it obvious. There was no change in our dynamic. You had feelings for me too.” Then he smirks, “Just like you do right now, right?”

You conceal a knowing smile, eyes averting his gaze for a moment as you nod your head.

“Anyway, that night it’s like neither of us really hid the fact that we were looking at one another differently. We danced together and it became hard to ignore that something was forming between us without either of us ever saying it.”

“Wow.” You listen intently, “Then what happened?”

“After the wedding, we couldn’t go back to the feeling between us. The platonic feeling. It’s like things suddenly changed,” He pauses, cheeks dusting over more harshly. “It got awkward talking about dates, it got weird when I suddenly got jealous of every other man.” He starts chuckling, shaking his head at the past. “It’s like we couldn’t even hug without feeling so fucking…” 

You smile, hand landing right above his knee. “Then what?”

“One time when we were out, I—out of instinct—had a hand on your lower back, feeling protective I guess.” He shrugs, shy smile. “And you joked with me about how I’m going to scare away any future boyfriend and I still remember the stab I felt to my heart.” He laughs to himself, eyes on your hand. “After the wedding, everything was so different with us. Compliments felt different, touching felt different and I remember one night when I was feeling down you gave me some encouraging pep talk and I kept thinking about how I’ll never know anyone like you again.”

“I’ve always felt that about you.” You admit to him, fingers lightly brushing against his sweatpants. “Even when we first became friends.”

He beams at you, “I know.”

“Oh do you?”

“I know everything in your mind, y/n.” He focuses on your face with a smile. “In fact when you were 25 you were wondering if I was ever going to make a real move on you. Both of us fully aware of the unspoken new dynamic.” He admits with a chuckle, “You told me later that you knew you couldn’t have been imagining the romance between us. Always so intuitive.”

“Love that for me.”

“Anyway, as you guessed…” He touches the material of his sweatpants too, fingers dangerously close to yours. “You came to me and told me how you felt. You,” He silently snorts, “Told me you weren’t worried about ruining our friendship because it’s already changed and you thought you might as well take it into your own hands.”

“Sounds like me.” You look impressed with things that sound real despite the fact it also sounds unreal. 

“I admired you so much. Still do.” His fingers brush against yours every now and then. “I obviously returned your feelings. We started dating immediately.”

“Wow, we move fast, huh? Or maybe it was slow?” Perspective, you guess.

He laughs, “Fast. We moved in together only 8 months after dating and I proposed to you only a year and half into our relationship because we both knew this was forever.” He softens so much, fingers warm against yours, the slow and calculated movements making both of your pulses quicken. 

“Wow…” You stare down at his thigh, feeling silly for getting this excited at fingers barely touching. “I wish I remembered this.”

“Me too.” He says quietly. “I think about my life with you all the time and I wish I could just insert my memories into your head.”

“How was our wedding?” You ask him, “We look nice in the photo.”

“One of the best days of my life.” He looks up finally, his eyes willing yours to look at him as well. “I promise you that.”

“You’re a lot more romantic than I would have assumed.” You crack a smile, “Are we pretty romantic?”

He sighs, smile tugging at his lips. “Crazy for each other. So what do you think?”

You laugh a little bitterly, even when your body tingles in warmth and excitement. “I wish I remembered. I hate that nothing sounds familiar at all. It sounds like you’re reading my diary of future dreams to me.”

“I’d love to see that.” He teases. “But hey,” Suddenly growing more serious, “You will get your memories back.”

You nod, trying your best to convince yourself it’s true. “Yeah.”

“I told you I’m here for you. For all of it. No matter how this turns out, I won’t…” He looks away, visibly gulping. “I won’t ever give up.”

You realize with all this discussion that does feel overwhelming despite how pleasing it is to hear, that no actual words have been said about feelings.

“Jungkook?”

“What is it?” He hums.

“Do you love me?”

Jungkook’s brows pull together, blinking at you like you asked a ridiculous question.

“Do I love you?” His fingers finally grab a hold of yours. “I love you so much, y/n.” His confession almost looks overwhelming for even him.

Your lips lift, a sudden relief flooding your entire body. “You do?”

“Yes.” He gazes into your eyes more intense than before. “Isn’t it so obvious?”

“Tell me about our first kiss.” You request, your hand feeling a little sweaty thanks to nerves.

“Our first…” He releases a long breath, “I asked you. I wanted to take you on a date first but I didn’t really want to wait.” He admits, chuckling. “I kissed you and we didn’t really want to stop.” He looks sheepish now, his other hand rubbing the back of his neck.

“Do you think…” Your heart is hammering against your chest now as heat crawls up all your exposed skin. “If we kissed right now that it could spark something? Memories?”

And for the first time, not completely blinded by the joy you feel, you see obvious confliction cross his eyes.

“No, I don’t think we should.” He pulls his hand away from you, he wipes it on his other pants leg, ridding it of sweat. “Boundaries. Slow. This is new.”

He’s reluctant. You can understand his perspective but you sense there’s something more.

“Okay…” You mumble, “That’s okay.”

He finds your eyes, slight panic when he says, “I’m not saying I don’t want to. I just don’t think we should.”

“But what if it helps?” You try to reason with him. Yes, you’d love to kiss him because damn, you’ve been wanting to for a long time. But you also believe it could help. 

He looks antsy in his spot, eyes darting around while both hands rub his sweatpants. “I don’t know. If it’s right.” He says quietly. “I really—”

“—Jungkook, it’s okay. I’m giving you full consent if that’s what you’re worried about.” You put a hand over his, “I’d love to kiss you regardless but I also want to test this theory of mine.”

He deeply sighs out, struggling to look at you again. 

“Please.” You whisper.

He finally tries to relax his body, fully turning his entire form towards you. “Are you really sure?”

You feel touched honestly. He’s so caring and considerate and you’re wildly into him. “I’m sure.”

“Okay…” Jungkook licks the corner of his lips nervously. “Can I lead it?”

“Sure.” You nod, the feeling of a cage door breaking down when millions of butterflies escape inside your stomach, fluttering around making you feel lightheaded. “Yeah…”

Jungkook looks exactly how you’re feeling. 

Uncertain and longing.

Jungkook eyes meet yours and it’s like they’re screaming at you. In excitement? Nerves? Worry? You don’t really know. But you’re sure yours are doing the same. He breathes out, hands suddenly rising towards your face but his fingers only hover over your cheeks. You’re sure he can feel the raging heat radiating off your skin. You swallow hard, heart racing when he moves closer to you.

He continuously licks his lips, fingers finally barely touching your skin and you can feel the comfortable burn from the tips of his fingers, your breath getting caught in your throat at the small touch. 

His space is invading yours, strong tension on both sides colliding with a great force. You can physically feel the heavy, thick air between your bodies. 

You need to breathe.

His fingers cup your jaw more firmly, his skin merging with yours thanks to the heat that has you both melting. His eyes stay low, not able to make contact with yours quite yet as he continues to lean in. He’s moving so slowly, so hesitantly despite how you feel the need he exerts. 

“Jungkook…” You sigh out his name and you feel a bolt of electricity when his eyes snap up and lock with yours. His chest rises and falls and you sense he’s trying to calm his breathing while you’re reminding yourself to breathe.

You know he’s leading but you can’t help it when your hands slide up his chest, fingers splayed out, feeling the drumming of his crazy heart. He releases a shaky breath, eyes going back down to your lips and he leans in more and more. He’s breathing the same small space of air as you. His shaky breaths fanning over your mouth, a reflection of how hard he’s trying to keep it together. 

“Jungkook.” You’re barely audible, eyes closing at the close proximity. 

You want to fall apart. Jungkook’s lips ghost yours, tickling your bottom lip when his barely brushes against it. You want him to meld his lips against yours firmly but he’s so slow and careful, driving you insane. 

“Okay,” He breathes against you.

One of his hands slide behind your neck, surprising you when he urges you forward, your lips perfectly slotting between his and you immediately moan against his mouth, hands firm against his chest when they glide up, your fingers lacing behind his neck, pulling him closer against you. 

Jungkook’s chest pushes against yours, his heavy breaths hard to ignore but somehow you’re only focusing on the feeling between you both. His lips barely disconnect, more shaky breaths before he dives in again, much more force but he’s still so gentle. Little groans in the back of his throat making you ache. 

You know this is new for you. But kissing him already feels so familiar and your body has incredible muscle memory even when your brain lacks it. Your fingers grip the hair at the back of his neck, making Jungkook pull his lips away again, breathing against your mouth heavily. 

You match the pace of his erratic breaths before deciding you’ll lead now. 

You connect your lips but instead of long, firm kisses, you move your mouth against his and he reciprocates instantly. The kisses are slow even though all you feel is urgency. His hands drop from your head and find a comfortable place on your hips, squeezing your sides every time you move them. 

Another squeeze when you whine into his mouth, lips parting and Jungkook’s tongue shyly licks into you. He’s warm and quietly groans when you slip your tongue to caress his. This feels like a man you’ve made out with before. This feels like a man that knows how to kiss you.

But unfortunately no memories get sparked despite how familiar it all is. 

Jungkook’s hands slide up your frame, fingers back on your jaw when he pulls away again, same shaky breaths fanning your skin when he pushes his forehead to yours and sighs deeply. You slowly open your eyes to see how his are slammed shut, a peculiar expression on his face with beads of sweat on his hairline that soak into your own skin.

“Jungkook…” You murmur his name, fingers still tangled in his hair. 

He doesn’t respond, he doesn’t open his eyes, he doesn’t even move.

He tries to even his breathing…he simply tries to keep himself in one piece. 

With no warning, his hands drop from you altogether and he pulls away from you, a groan leaving his mouth when he leans back into the sofa, eyes still closed. 

You’re breathless, hot, lightheaded and crazy for him. You watch him with careful eyes, but it’s hard for your gaze not to lower to the prominent bulge in his sweatpants. He’s looking defeated, head tilted back, arms weak on either side of him and doing nothing to hide how hard he’s gotten.

After several long moments and he seems to be coming down from some sort of high, he opens his eyes and glances at you. “Anything?” He asks you quietly.

You frown, “No. It’s all familiar though. Good, too.”

He leans forward, nodding at your words. “Okay. It’s okay. Don’t worry, y/n.”

You feel bad for some reason. Guilty that his touch wasn’t enough for the world of memories to return to you. Like his love wasn’t enough. You know that’s not the case but you hope it’s not what he’s thinking.

“I love you too…just so you know.” You tell him, hand on his thigh.

You see how his expression twists, forcing the weakest smile you’ve ever seen as he gives you a nod. “I uh, I’m going to grab some water.” He stands from the sofa, “We should probably call it a night.”

~

It’s 4am and you can’t fall asleep. You’re tossing and turning in your bed—your lonely bed—unable to shut your brain off. Jungkook insisted on remaining on the sofa because boundaries or whatever. You get it. But you also don’t. 

You texted Misuk and Subin letting them know that the cat was out of the bag. You know you’re married to Jungkook and you couldn’t be more pleased with the revelation. There isn’t any response from either of them yet but maybe they went to bed early. You also texted your parents but they did reply almost immediately. Your mom only texting back ‘yes my favorite son in law.’  

After the kiss with Jungkook, you two put on a movie, hoping some tension would disappear between you but no, of course not. Instead it only grew, wrapping your body and pulling you under with little space to breathe. You have a lot to think about. Obviously.

You still need to ask Jungkook about the apartment, what case he’s working on and why Misuk has developed a dislike for him. But also, unfortunately, you’re thinking about the boner he was sporting after kissing you.

You feel hot and bothered at the fact you were able to affect him like after kissing for a couple of minutes. It’s relieving since he affected you just as strongly. You understand why he said the first time you two ever kissed, you both didn’t want to stop. You didn’t want to stop this time either. 

You miss him. Badly. He’s so close but not close enough. Your couch is not your bed. Isn’t it also his bed? Ugh. You’re craving to be close to him, feeling his skin and his warmth. Isn’t he itching to cuddle with you too? Although it’s not something you’re used to but you definitely could get used to it. And fast. 

You roll around in bed, body on one side and then the other but no position feels comfortable enough to relax in. You quietly groan, head banging against the pillows and you know you need to give up. Maybe you just aren’t sleeping tonight. Eyes focused on the ceiling, the moonlight seeps into your bedroom since the blinds are cracked open as it give the walls an illuminating glow. 

You just stare. Stare at nothing. An entire hour passes by and finally, you’re feeling the energy drain from your body. You realize your mind is hardly going wild anymore. Kind of loving that your mind is suddenly blanking as no particular thoughts feel busy in your head. Body feeling heavier and eyes opening and closing more often. You can feel that maybe you will fall asleep tonight. 

You blink lazily, eyes still on the ceiling. You can finally feel sleep trying to pull you under, the moonlight lulling you, a blueish white glow that is dim and—suddenly, the entire room goes dark for a quick, fleeting moment and your entire body jolts up. Heart already pounding, you’re quick to whip your head in the direction of the window because you know a passing shadow when you see one.

Sitting upright in bed, you stare at the window, holding your breath. Did you imagine that? Did someone pass your window? An animal? Maybe it was simply clouds momentarily covering the moon.

No. 

A strange feeling crawls all over your skin, unwanted goosebumps rising. 

A strange feeling that feels fucking familiar. 

You quickly get out of the bed, walking to the window when you peek out of it but there’s nothing around that you can see. You didn’t imagine that, right?

But the strange feeling makes a home within you. 

As if what just happened feels more like a dream than something you just experienced. 

Did you imagine it? Are you remembering something? 

Either way, fuck that.

You quickly close the blinds and step away from the window. Mind suddenly busy all over again. What was that? Did someone walk by your window? Did you even actually see a shadow? Or before falling asleep did you simply begin dreaming already? Or did a memory trying forcing its way out of you…?

You stand still, completely still. Palms growing sweaty because your brain is sending a million signals to your body but you can’t makes sense of even one of them.

You feel anxious. Your chest hurts and if that wasn’t enough, your skull suddenly feels on fire, a terrible ache causing your head to be on the brink of explosion. Your hands go to your face, rubbing your cheeks as you try to relax. What is happening?

You don’t need to think about it. You turn away from your window, feet taking you towards your bedroom door when you decide to wake up Jungkook.

Approaching the living room, you hear your best friend—oh, husband—snoring away on the sofa, an immediate sigh of relief leaves your lips the closer you get.

“Jungkook…” You put a hand on his shoulder, gently shaking him awake. “Hey.” 

Jungkook takes a minute to stir from his sleep, face all scrunched up as he barely opens one eye. “Hm?” He slowly tries to sit up and get a look at you. “Hey, what’s up?” He questions you softly, a curious look all over his face.

“Jungkook.” You mumble, your anxiety rising uncomfortably. “I feel…” You can’t even finish that sentence without your voice sounding panicked and overwhelmed.

Jungkook’s eyes finally adjust, his expression alert all of the sudden as he reaches for you, urging you to take a seat on the edge of the sofa. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?” His hands are on either of your shoulders, rubbing them soothingly. “What’s wrong?”

Your heart is racing. Not in excitement. In fear. In fear of what’s real or what isn’t. In fear of dreams, in fear of memories, in fear of reality. “I don’t feel good.” You admit to him, “I feel sick, I think.”

“Sick?” He questions, eyes scanning your face, though it’s dark. “Upset stomach?”

“No,” You swallow hard. “Life.”

Jungkook’s expression turns pained, finally understanding what’s going on here.

“Are you overwhelmed?” He asks you, “Stressed about things?”

“I’m,” You hate the tightness in your chest. “I’m really fucking overwhelmed. My brain isn’t…” Your voice cracks, eyes stinging. “It doesn’t make sense to me. Nothing makes sense to me. This doesn’t make sense to me.” You feel panic settle. “ I don’t know what to do. I feel fucking lost. I’m lost. This doesn’t make sense to me. I don’t—”

“—Hey, hey.” Jungkook’s rubbing your arms, trying to comfort you. “y/n. Look at me. Please look at me.” His hands leave your sides when his thumbs brush right below your eyes. He’s wiping away a few miserable tears you never realized spilled. “I’m here, love. I’m here.” 

“Jungkook…” You reach for him, head falling into his chest. “Nothing makes sense. I don’t make sense. I don’t understand—” Your breaths pick up, “I don’t know, Jungkook. This doesn’t make sense.”

“Fuck,” He sighs, jaw tightening as he rubs your back, staring at the empty space behind your body. “I’m so sorry. This isn’t fair for you…I’m sorry you had to find out like this—about us—I wish things would—”

“What?” You lift yourself from his chest, teary eyes on his. “You think I’m freaking the fuck out because of us? Jungkook,” You swallow down the burn in your throat, “This news is the only good thing I’m holding on to right now. It’s everything else that fries my fucking brain.” You point a finger at the side of your head.

He looks at you, confusion swirling in his eyes. “This isn’t because of us?”

You shake your head before you wipe at your eyes, “No. This is because every other missing detail in my life. You’re the only,” You lean forward, desperate gaze set on him and he grows so weak at your expression. “You’re the only thing keeping me together. The news about you and me does make sense.”

Audible breaths leave Jungkook’s parted lips, eyes blown wide and the uncertainty and longing becoming the skeleton inside his body and it controls him. His possessed bones pull you closer to him and you quietly gasp when he kisses you. Strong arms wrapped around you, lips pushing against yours and your entire body relaxes in Jungkook’s hold. 

His lips feel so familiar. Like your brain is itching to give you more. But it doesn’t.

He pulls away, his face falling into the crook of your neck and he breathes you in, “Tell me what it is that you need from me, y/n.” 

You don’t really know what to say.

But the answer is more obvious than you realize, “This.” You tell him. “You.”

He inhales a sharp breath, head slightly nodding before he rises from your neck and brushes the back of his hand against your cheek. “Okay. I’ll give you this. Me.”

~~~

You stare at your phone, reading over your texts with Misuk and Subin even though they should be here any moment now. They finally replied to you about Jungkook.

Subin 2:14pm

🥹 I’m so glad you’re happy about it! Imagine if you weren’t in love with him yet? Lol that would be a shocker! 

Misuk 2:15pm

👍

Misuk 2:15pm

What all has he told you?

y/n 3:09pm

just some memories about how we got together and stuff

y/n 3:10pm

its kinda the only thing that doesn’t make me feel clueless right now

Subin 3:11pm

That makes sense . Just remember to take it easy, okay?💖

y/n 3:14pm

i know 

y/n 3:14pm

im trying at least 

Misuk 3:21pm

What are you doing after 5 y/n? Maybe me and Subin can swing by for a bit

Subin 3:22pm

Yes please 💕

y/n 3:25pm

really?? Id love that! Yes come over come over!!! Jungkook is off doing things so im home alone right now lol

Misuk 4:02pm

Okay we will be there after 5 then 😀

You exit the group when your finger slides over to Jungkook’s latest text now instead.

Jungkook 5:07pm

What do you think about going on a date tomorrow? 

Jungkook 5:08pm

If you’re up for it. 

Jungkook 5:08pm

But I’d love to have a date with you.

You aren’t sure if you’ll ever get used to this new, jittery feeling. The jittery feeling that causes you to smile even without meaning to. 

You look up from your phone when you hear knocking on you front door, excitedly standing to answer because you know it’s Misuk and Subin waiting on the other side. You open the door, welcoming your friends inside your home with a grin.

“Hi.” You sing out and do a little twirl, “Welcome to my humble abode where I live, as a married woman.” 

Subin giggles, her arms wrapping around you tightly in a hug. “Hey.”

Misuk watches you, sighing as she notices your big, genuine smile. 

“Should I order us something to eat?” You gesture towards the living room so you all can sit. “I want to eat a big meal.” You rub your stomach in a cute manner.

Misuk continues to stand at the doorway and you notice she looks deep in thought before she sighs again and cracks a small smile. “You look really happy.” She tells you.

“About some things, yes.” You admit before tugging on her sleeve, “Let’s sit.”

You three find spots on your sofa that you’ve grown to adore while Subin tells you both how Garam wants to go to Italy for a romantic trip, her cute, squealing voice as she gushes about her soon to be husband. You wish you could remember your excitement before getting married.

“You’re so lucky.” You speak softly, “You will have all these wonderful memories of you and Garam and you know, actually remember them. I’m jealous of you!” You laugh, “I’m so excited for you, that you’re getting married soon.”

Subin blinks at you, blush growing on her cheeks as she smiles timidly. “Thank you. But honestly, I was so jealous of you too.” She giggles, “If you think you’re jealous of me, you’d actually be more jealous of you.”

You tilt your head, “Why?”

Misuk chuckles, “Because no one was ever more excited about getting married than you.”

“It’s true.” Subin muses at you, “You were adorable.”

“Oh.” You think about it for a moment. “What was the process like? In a friend’s perspective?”

“What do you mean?” Misuk asks you, “Like, what were you like when you were only engaged? Or what you were like after getting married?”

“Both.” You grin at her, “Did I have a bachelorette?”

Subin snorts cutely, “You had more than just a normal bachelorette.”

“Yeah,” Misuk smiles, eyes going up when she tries to recall the crazy time it was. “It was more like a whole character arc.”

You purse your lips while narrowing your eyes at nothing. “I don’t understand.”

Subin laughs, “You know, most bachelorettes are like a weekend getaway. There might be strippers. Lots of alcohol obviously. Clubs. You know, the basic stuff.”

“You had a bit of a different idea.” Misuk shakes her head, smirk on her lips. “You created an entire monthlong list of things you wanted to do. Spontaneous things. Crazy things. Simple things. Things an unmarried woman would do shamelessly.”

“A month long what now?” You’re trying to think of what the hell could be on this list.

Subin glances at Misuk before questioning her, “It was one thing to do a day for a month right?”

Misuk nods, “Yeah. Ridiculous things.”

“Why?” You question your friends and Subin lights up as she responds.

“You said you wanted to do a bunch of stuff as an individual. Independent. Something personal for you, I guess.”

“I did?”

“Yeah.” Misuk answers. “And after you two got married, you guys made a whole new bucket type list that you did together.”

“It was really cute.” Subin chimes in, “But your personal list was great. You did some questionable stuff though.”

“…Like what?” You ask.

“Remember when I told you that you flashed your boobs to some guy?” Misuk smirks again. “That was like day 14 or something.”

“What?” You gasp, “What the hell! I even mentioned it to Jungkook!”

Subin waves you off with a smile, “Don’t worry. Jungkook helped you make the list and he approved of everything on it. He knows everything.” 

Misuk rolls her eyes, “He was even a part of one of the things you had on the list. Which was totally cheating, by the way! You were supposed to write a song.”

“There’s no way I wrote a song.” You snort, not believing that.

“You didn’t.” Misuk deadpans. “Jungkook basically did it for you, that romantic fucker.”

“He wrote a song with me?” You try to control your lips. Don’t fucking smile like you’re a whipped woman in love.

“More like for you.” Misuk tells you, her back meeting the couch cushion when she sighs. “He was like that.”

“I’m glad you know about the marriage.” Subin softens, her pink cheeks shimmering. “It sucked knowing something that you didn’t.”

“Regardless how I feel about Jungkook now…” Misuk mutters quietly, “You do look really happy so I guess I can suck it up for now.” 

You frown, her implication that her feelings for Jungkook now are anything but positive makes you heart sting. “Misuk.”

“I said you look happy and it makes me happy, okay?” A corner of her mouth lifts. “Seeing you like this…well, it’s nice.”

You try to erase the frown on your face. “Thank you.”

“And I got to say…” Misuk crosses her arms over her chest, “I was totally right and I’m kind of glad I’m able to shove it in your face again.”

“Huh?” You glance between her and Subin who just giggles.

“When me and Jungkook broke up.” Misuk reminds you, “I told you it was because, one, we were better off as friends and two, because I knew that the both of you were going to end up together.”

Your jaw drops a little, remembering exactly what she said.

“You were so ridiculous.” She snickers to herself, “All like, ‘oh my god, that won’t happen!’ but it totally did happen. I love being right sometimes.” 

“Well,” you pout, cheeks warming up. “Glad you were right then.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Misuk studies you for a moment. “Oh right, my mom is stopping by in a day or two but it shouldn’t interfere with our girls weekend.”

“Your mom?” You suddenly beam at Misuk. “I would love her forever if she happens to bake her famous blueberry muffins.”

“Lucky for you I mentioned it to her already and she said she would love to make some.” 

“Can you also ask her to bake that chocolate pie?” Subin moans to herself, “I would probably leave Garam if it meant I could fuck that p—“

“Oh my god, Subin.” You gape at the girl while she stares at you dumbfounded.

“What?” She glances at Misuk now, “It’s a really good pie.”

“It really is.” She nods, “Anyway, my mom is only stopping by for a bit so I’m not sure you guys will get to see her but yes, she is bringing desserts.” 

“Hell yeah.” You honestly dream about those muffins. “Can’t wait.”

“So,” Subin bites her lip, something curious and careful about her expression. “How are things with Jungkook since you found the photo?”

“Hm,” You sink into your couch in contentment. “Interesting? Not exactly what I thought of at first.”

“What do you mean?” Misuk raises a brow, “What did you think it would be like?”

“My delusional mind somehow thought that life was like a movie and we were going to fall back in step to married life—you know, the thing I actually know nothing about—and my memories would magically return. You know? etcetera, etcetera.” You shrug even though you know how ridiculous it sounds, smile creeping on your face. “But instead, I still have all my problems. But Jungkook is great. He seems conflicted, for sure.” You admit to your friends as a heavy sigh leaves your mouth. “Obviously because this is new for me and it’s something that has to develop.”

“Right.” Misuk mumbles.

“But it feels good knowing this isn’t one sided for me. That things went somewhere with him.” 

“Yeah.” Subin reaches over to pat your leg, “Things definitely went somewhere.”

“I just know that once my memories return…” You sit more upright again, determined eyes on your best friends. “Life is going to get so much better.”

Subin and Misuk exchange a quick glance and it doesn’t go unnoticed but you ignore it. Subin pats your leg again and you expect her to say something nice as usual but you realize, neither of your friends know what to say.

~

“The park?” You glance around, the grass tall and green, water calm and the breeze just right. “Ah, you did say we come here a lot, right?”

Jungkook reaches for your hand, intertwining your fingers and you try to remain cool, calm and collected even though his touch makes you yearn for him.

“Yeah.” He smiles, leading you towards that same pond on the side where the trees are. “Coming here became an escape for us.” He tells you, lifting up the picnic basket in his other hand.

You hum in contentment though you remember not loving this place as much last time you came. “Didn’t you say there’s some bad memories here though?” 

Jungkook gives a stiff nod, “Yes. But…we also have a lot of good memories here. Plus, I think if we create more good memories here,” he looks around with a hopeful expression. “Then the bad ones will eventually lose their power.” 

You squeeze his hand, “I don’t think anything could be that bad.” 

Jungkook doesn’t answer with words, just a low hum but you notice the detachment even though it only last a few seconds before he turns his head and smiles at you.

“So what’s in the basket?” You nudge his shoulder before you both stop in front of one of the trees that looks out over the pond. “A blanket I hope.”

“Of course.” Jungkook smirks at you, “I know you hate how itchy grass feels.” 

“Ah,” You eye him over, impressed. “My husband would know that, huh?”

He snorts, “Even best friend me would know that.”

“Details, details.” 

Jungkook places the basket to the grassy ground, opening it quickly as he pulls a folded blanket out, getting it all ready for you both to sit. Once sitting with crossed legs over the soft material, you watch as Jungkook pulls a few more items out. This basket reminds you of a magic, endless bag of items. 

“Oh.” Your eyes light up. “Sandwiches?” 

“Mhm.” He hands you one before pulling out his own. “And also,” He digs deeper before pulling out an assortment of fruits on a little platter. “Fruit. But we can’t forget,” he sets the fruit tray down before digging back into the basket. This basket really is like a magic bag of endless items. How the hell did this all fit? “This too.” He wiggles his brows when he shows you a box of an assortment of chocolates. 

“This is cute.” You laugh a little, “Are we going to feed each other?” 

“Is that something you’re into?” Jungkook raises an amused brow, “Because you’ve definitely never told me before.”

“Maybe I just never had a chance to discover it.” You tease him, “You know?”

“Sure.” He chuckles, “If you say so.”

“Anyway,” You admire the calm pond, “It’s a date. A first date for me. Aren’t first dates a good place for people to get to know one another, right?”

Jungkook sways into you, while his fingers are busy unwrapping his sandwich. “You want to get to know me?”

You poke his cheek innocently while you ignore your own sandwich for now. “As a lover, yes.”

“As a lover?” He glances at you, “Okay, go ahead.”

You beam at his willingness, “What are you love languages?”

“My love lang—Ah,” He nods, “That’s an online quiz you made me take one time. I don’t remember…maybe it was the quality time one?”

You giggle, “Definitely. You like quality time and my guess is acts of service.”

“Hmm, I don’t know.” He shrugs cutely.

“Are you affectionate?” You wonder, “Like to a needy degree?”

“Needy degree?” He repeats your words.

“Yeah.” You nod, “I don’t ever recall you being super touchy with anyone you briefly dated in the past. And it’s not like we ever really showed too much obvious affection either.” 

“Ah,” He gets what you mean now. “I might not be super into PDA if that’s what you mean. But in private…well, yes. Any opportunity to touch you, I take it. I love being all over you.” He admits, averting your gaze while he stares out at the pond. “And I really, really like it when you cling to me too. It makes me feel,” His chest rises before releasing a long breath of air. “Makes me feel needed by you. Loved by you. And as stupid as it might sound,” He tries to suppress a smile, eyes still on the water. “I get kind of sad when I can’t hold you whenever I want.”

His words honestly surprise you. You wouldn’t have guessed any of this especially because his touches with you are so scarce even now. How much is he holding back?

“Really?” You’d cling to him right now if he gave you the word. “That sounds like something I might enjoy too.”

Jungkook finally turns his head towards you with an adorable grin on his face, “It is.”

You feel your skin pleasantly burning. “What are some of your favorite married moments with me?”

Jungkook’s smile slightly drops and a frown that’s too cute to take seriously forms on his face, “Why don’t we wait for you to remember too?”

“No,” You rest your head on his shoulder for a moment, “I like hearing these kinds of things even if I’m unaware. It kind of gets me excited to see it from my perspective one day.” 

Jungkook studies your serious expression when you lift your face again and gaze at him. “Okay, I can share some things.” His all too cute frown disappears when he smiles again. 

“Perfect.”

“There was this time we were visiting our parents for Christmas, I think it was actually our first Christmas as a married couple now that I think about it…anyway, this might be a bit inappropriate—”

“—Thank goodness, I was hoping you’d say something that might be steamy.”

Jungkook laughs at you, “Inappropriate doesn’t automatically mean sexual, you realize that?”

“Oh so it’s not?”

“No, it is but—”

“—How inappropriate are we talking?” You smirk at him.

“If you’d let me tell my story then you’d find out.” He scolds you, “Anyway, we were walking from your parent’s house to mine, they were all already over there, by the way. You took forever to get ready and it was already dark by the time we walked over. And you remember my old car?”

You eye him suspiciously. “…Yes. The magnet.”

“Yup.” He bites his lip while raising a brow quickly. “You made a comment about how you know there’s a long list of girls that I had in the backseat of that car.”

You roll your eyes.

“It’s not even a long list by the way.” His hand goes to your thigh, giving it a squeeze. “But you said and I quote, ‘I wonder if we were actually close in high school, you would have gotten me in the backseat of your car too.’ Which of course just made my imagination run a little wild.” He chuckles, “It almost felt like a fantasy once you said it.” 

“You fantasized about what it would have been like or what?”

“I didn’t really have to rely on my imagination for long.” He admits, voice dipping lower. “I told you that you could easily erase any trace of another girl from that car if you really wanted to.”

Your eyes go wide, “You did not fuck me in that death trap in front of our childhood homes on Christmas.” 

“And if I did?” He challenges you with a sly smile.

“I wouldn’t have let you! I became just another girl in your backseat, oh my god.”

Jungkook’s fingers dance across your thigh, his eyes staring down at the little patterns he’s drawing on your jeans. “Don’t worry.” He says quietly, “Only think of you when I remember that car now.”

You act annoyed, but his touch, even through your jeans…feels enticing. “I better be.”

Jungkook chuckles, finally bringing his hand back to his own lap. “Another favorite memory is when you and I got really, and I mean really bored…and we decided to do something we might have liked to do together if we were actually friends as kids.” 

Your lips form an ‘o’ when you clearly look intrigued, “Okay, that sounds pretty cool. What did we do?”

Jungkook closes his eyes, lips spreading super wide as he recalls it. “We made a homemade movie.”

You immediately nudge his shoulder playfully, “Oh my. A homemade movie? Is this steamy too?”

He scrunches his face, “Something we would have liked as kids, y/n.”

Your teasing smile drops, “Oh yeah.”

“Anyway,” He shakes his head, grin reappearing. “It was so bad yet also so good. We made a scary movie in the house. I’m talking about dramatic light flickering, shadowy figures walking by, cabinets opening on their own and of course, the cheesiest dialogue. I still remember my favorite part. ‘who’s there?’” His voice gets high pitched as he starts dramatically looking around him, getting into character, “’whoever you are…” He pauses again as you stare at him completely amused. 

“wait!” He shrieks, you realize the one he’s mocking is your character obviously...a safe assumption. “It got so cold!” He hugs himself, rubbing his arms dramatically. “Are you a…” He snaps his head to the side, brows comically furrowed. “A ghost?!’” His eyes crinkle as he laughs. “And then it cuts to a scene where the lights start flickering nonstop with creepy music in the background but the best part is, you can clearly see my hand in the background, flipping the light switch on and off.” 

You snort when you hear that part, laughter erupting because you can definitely imagine it. 

You and Jungkook laugh with ease, eyes connected and you realize how natural this all feels. How easy it is getting into this new groove with him and you realize it’s probably because your brain, deep down, feels how familiar and well known this all is. Instead of feeling as nervous as you were previously, you realize this is just you and your best friend. But with a more deeply connected and intimate bond.

You really can’t wait to uncover more of that.

“I’m having so much fun with you.” You tell Jungkook with soft eyes. “I can’t believe this is my life for the last nine years.” 

You hope this bliss isn’t too good to be true. Because you clearly see Jungkook’s lips twitch while an odd look flickers in his eyes. He faces forward again, throat bobbing when he swallows. “You know we’ve barely touched our food, right?” He chuckles, the detached look from earlier revisits and you’re wondering what he isn’t telling you. But you choose to be blind because right now, this magic with Jungkook is all you can see.

~

“Home sweet home.” You yawn out as you and Jungkook walk through your front door. You bend down to unbuckle the straps of your shoes, Jungkook’s hand on your hip as he helps keep you balanced. “It’s only after 8, should we watch a movie or something?”

Jungkook hums out cutely while slipping off his own shoes, “I don’t know…I thought maybe the gentleman thing to do would be dropping you off after our date?”

You turn to look behind you, incredulous look on your face. “Yeah, right.” You scoff, “I’d be mad at you if you did that.”

Jungkook laughs, “I know.” 

You drag your feet to the sofa, plopping down onto it with a satisfied sigh, “Come sit with me.”

Jungkook follows behind, sitting right next to you. No awkward distance this time.

“You know,” Your pointer finger taps against his leg as you look at him, “You can bring your stuff here…you don’t have to pretend to live at that shitty apartment anymore.”

Jungkook leans back, eyes on the ceiling instead of looking at you, “You don’t know what it’s uh, what it’s like to live with me so we should probably not jump into that yet.”

“Jungkook,” You stop tapping against his thigh, instead you rest your palm against it. “If it really bothers you that much you can just stay in the guest bed—”

“—No.” He shakes his head, “That’s okay. Seriously it’s okay.”

“Okay…you’ve been sleeping here most nights anyway so I don’t really see the big deal. That apartment isn’t like you at all.” You watch his reactions to your words carefully, “Doesn’t it make you feel uncomfortable to be in there? There’s nothing in that apartment that reflects you…doesn’t that make you feel like you’re staying in a strangers place?”

“It’s fine.” He mumbles and you notice the detachment once again but then he turns his head to look at you, his features turning softer. “That’s how you felt first coming to this house, right?”

Well, yeah. You nod and when he frowns you immediately wave him off with your other hand, “It doesn’t feel like that anymore. Somehow when you’re here it feels way more like home.”

You can tell he tries not to smile at that but his lips betray him, “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You confirm. “Anyway, my mom said that her and your mom are throwing us a little celebration now that I know about us.” 

Jungkook brows pinch, “They’re doing…what?”

“I don’t know, I think they’re excited that they don’t have to pretend like we aren’t together anymore. You know how our moms are…” You chuckle, “They want any excuse to have a party.”

Jungkook nods though he looks conflicted, “Is that really a good idea?”

“Why wouldn’t it be? We’re going there next weekend anyway, right? Plus, they wouldn’t listen even if we said we didn’t want it.” 

“Well, that’s true.” He sighs in defeat. “They’re a force when they’re together.”

“Hey, is Pingu still around?” You suddenly look excited. “He’s not still fighting dogs on the streets, right?”

“Pingu?” Jungkook lifts his back off the couch cushion when he leans into you with a curious expression. “Pingu…the cat?”

You nod slowly, “Who else would I be talking about?”

“You remember Pingu?” He glances to the side, gears working in his head. “Or did our moms mention Pingu?”

“No?” You suddenly grow confused. “Why wouldn’t I remember Pingu?”

Jungkook’s face morphs, looking more fixed than before. “y/n…” He meets your eye again before he’s piecing it together. “Mom didn’t adopt Pingu until just a few years ago. I think we had only been married a couple years…but you remember him?” 

Your mouth falls open to speak but suddenly you’re realizing he’s right…you don’t remember Pingu ever existing as a 24 year old so that means… “Holy shit.” Your eyes begin expanding as your mouth falls open further. “I remember Pingu.”

You remember Pingu!

Jungkook mirrors your exact expression, a giant, excitement filled smile starts growing on his face and then he’s grabbing your hands, “y/n, you remember…” Now he’s laughing, pure joy in the sound. “You remember that fucking cat but not our wedding.” He grips your hands tighter, still exuding his excitement. You can’t but laugh too.

“Yes!” You squirm in your spot, completely thrilled. “I do!”

You both relax, excited eyes on each other when you both soften, his thumbs now brushing against your fingers, “That’s amazing.” He speaks much quieter now, front teeth momentarily sinking into his bottom lip as he smiles. “You really remembered something. This is…”

“Good.” You finish, you match his smile with your own. “I remember that damn cat.”

He tilts his head with a benevolent glint in his eyes, “More will come.” He whispers. “The memories, I mean.”

“No matter how insignificant, I’m happy to remember something so normal.” You tell him but Jungkook shoots you an amused grin.

“Insignificant?” He squeezes your hands. “Don’t worry, I won’t tell my mom you just described her cat like that.”

You can’t help but laugh, “Life is crazy, huh?”

Jungkook’s smile falters but he doesn’t lose the softness on his face, “You have no idea.” 

You pull your hand away from his when you raise a finger and tap the side of your head, “Eh, I might have a clue.” You chuckle. 

Jungkook’s lips tug down, serious eyes on you when he leans closer to you, “Yeah but no matter how crazy…it’s better if we’re together.”

You feel your heart whisper to you in steady, rhythmic beats. Something about its desire to break through your ribcage, falling into your belly with adrenaline pumping in love, in thrill, and into the hands of this man. It wants nothing more than for Jungkook to steal it away.

You take a breath. Eyes focused on him and you don’t blame your heart for feeling this way.

“We are together.” You whisper, your hands going to either sides of his warm face and he nods, looking lost in your touch. Your heart wants to surrender yourself to this man and you are so willing to oblige. As if he wasn’t already the one who owns it. 

“Yeah.” He pulls one of your hands from his face and brings it to his lips, pecking your palm with light, fluttering kisses while he watches you watch him.

“Hey,” You call for him slowly, dreamily, lost in this moment. “How’s…”

“How’s what?” He places one last kiss to your wrist now before lowering your hand.

You suddenly crack a small smile making him eye you curiously.

“How’s our sex life?” You blurt with complete shamelessness.

Jungkook’s eyebrows climb slowly towards his hairline, suddenly looking taken aback before he snorts to himself, a chuckle at the back of his throat. “I shouldn’t be surprised that you asked that.” He shakes his head, “You really…you’re really asking me that?”

You show him a sheepish smile. “Why not? I mean, if you don’t want to tell me…I could always just,” You look around innocently, “You know, find out for myself.” You speak slowly, eyes finding his again.

Jungkook frowns a little, “Not yet.” He swallows, clearly trying to clear his mind from the image of you finding out just how incredible the sex is between you both.

“Are you going to give me another speech on taking things slow?” You tease him.

Jungkook looks pouty, meaning your teasing is successful. “Yes.” He says with a firm nod and furrowed brows. “It isn’t fair for you…I know you in ways you don’t even know that I know. You don’t…I just know you differently. I don’t think it’s fair.”

You release a long puff of air, “You’re the only one who sees it like that, Jungkook.”

“We have to…develop things like it’s the beginning—for now—so please…let’s not rush, you know?”

You chew your lips for a moment before asking, “Did we wait a while back then too?”

Jungkook’s face falls before an embarrassed look flashes across his face, cheeks heating up. He’s so cute, you think. “Um, no. Honestly, we did sleep together the first night.”

You smirk, “Oh really?”

You watch a blush darkens his cheeks. “Yeah.”

“Hmm,” You scoot a little closer to him, leaning your face closer with seductive eyes. “Do you think you could tell me about it?”

Jungkook feels himself drawn closer to you, but he glances away for a second. “Well…we had sex.”

“No, no.” You give him a knowing look. “Can you describe it to me?”

Jungkook releases a shaky breath, lips curved into a small grin. “You want me to describe the night we first had sex?”

“Yeah.” You tell him, “But I want to know the details. From start,” You pause, leaning more forward when your warm breath is at his ear. “To finish.”

He tenses at your close proximity but he doesn’t have it in him to back away, your mouth at his ear, your hands steadying yourself on his thighs with how you’re leaning into him. 

“You want details?” He quietly chuckles, his face feeling hot. “You want to know all the things we did? What I did to you?”

“Mhm.” Your lips graze the shell of his ear, the tickle making his hands act on instinct when he lightly grab your hips, a deep breath leaving his mouth, disappointed his hands moved on their own. “What you did to me…what I did to you.”

“I told you after we first kissed we didn’t want to stop.” He says, voice lower. “I swear I could have just kissed you the entire night,”

“Really?” Your hands slide up to the middle of his thighs, his muscles tense beneath you. 

“Yeah…” He swallows hard, your lips still at his ear when he feels your breaths buzzing around his skin. 

“How did I kiss you, Jungkook?”

He closes his eyes when he feels your lips pressing against his ear. “Um,”

You smile against his ear before you finally pull back a little, your face now just inches from his, his eyes opening again. “When we kissed…did you get as hard as you did the other day?”

Jungkook’s fingers dig into your skin as he lets out a frustrated low groan, “y/n.” He’s warning you.

“What?” You smile. “I’m just wondering how it went, that’s all.”

“You really want to know how that night went?” He asks you, eyes growing darker, maybe heavier.

“You’re right…I should just let you speak, huh?”

“I kissed you,” He begins, “And the moment my mouth was on yours, I felt like I was going to explode. You kissed me back. So fucking needy, did you know that? That you’re needy?”

You stare at him, lip twitching. “I could guess since it’s you.”

Jungkook chuckles, “Mm, you’re right. But do you know how handsy you are too?”

“Was I not handsy enough for you the other night?” You challenge him with a dark gaze. 

He keeps his eyes on you, so focused as his muscles grow more and more tense, your hands still sliding up his thighs. “I won’t answer that.” He says.

“What happened after we made out?” You continue to push the conversation.

Jungkook eyes close, like he’s seeing the vision of it behind his eyelids. His lips part when soft breaths escape. “I kissed you any place you’d let me.”

“I think I’d let you kiss me anywhere.”

He nods, eyes still closed, satisfied smile lifting his lips. “Yeah.”

“So then?”

“I kissed your neck, sucked your skin until you grew impatient with me.”

“Hm,” You watch him carefully, his flushed face making you see the effect on him. You lean forward again, his eyes suddenly opening when your lips attach themselves to the side of his neck. He doesn’t stop you. He only continues.

“I sucked your skin until you were mewling beneath me.” His voice sounds hoarse, eyelids growing heavy again when he feels how you do the same thing to him now. “I kissed down your body, taking your clothes off.”

“Mhm.” You hum against his skin, lips pressing against the side of his neck over and over, fingers pressing deeply into his thighs.

“Fuck,” He groans lowly, “I…touched you everywhere. Feeling you with my hands and my mouth.” He doesn’t realize how his hands that grip your hips are jerking you forward, your body obeying his unintentional commands. “How I tasted you…fucked you with my tongue, my f-fingers.” His hands slide to your lower back, “You felt so tight, y/n. W-Wondered how you’d take my cock.”

You pause the ministrations against his sensitive skin, an intense ache flooding the senses of your core. “And how did I take it?” You breathe heavily against him, “Hm?” Jungkook urges you forward again and before either of you can make sense of it, your knees are on either sides of his thighs, seated in his lap while your chests push up against one another.

“You took me so well…” He looks up into your eyes, a lewdness swirling messily in his dark irises. You bite onto your lip, core barely pressed over the bulge you didn’t get to feel the other night. You keep your hips still though. The aching between your legs only growing stronger at the lack of friction. 

“I hardly fucked you for three minutes before you were creaming my cock, you know that?” 

“Sounds like you knew what you were doing to me.”

“Sounds like you were desperate to have me inside you.” He retorts with a lazy smirk, eyelids half open at this point. 

“Keep telling me.” You softly command, your ass scooting back on his thighs a little so you aren’t sitting directly over his hard length anymore. 

He think you’re being wise.

“I thought we were going to leave it at that but no,” He closes his eyes again. Imagining it. “You crawled over me and took my cock into your mouth. Fuck, you swallowed all of my cum and you—"

You sneak a hand between your bodies, your palm pressing down onto his bulge, making him choke on his words, losing his focus. His eyes remain closed when his brows pull together. 

“Keep going.” You begin rubbing your palm against him, his resolute crumbling when he feels how you touch him over his jeans. It’s not exactly comfortable but it’s fucking relief.

“Um,” He struggles to keep it together. His breaths have grown heavy and erratic, chest rising and falling with each wordless moment that passes.

“Did you like the way I sucked your dick, Jungkook?” You ask him, your core dripping wet just under your pants. 

His tongue pushes against his cheek, trying so hard to focus. The concentrated look on his face makes you so turned on. He’s losing his control, you can tell.

“Your-Your mouth is heaven, love.” He pushes the words out, “Your pussy is too.”

You grind down onto his thighs, unable to keep yourself still anymore. The friction against your clit makes you softly moan above him, your hand pressing harder on the bulge that continues to grow. 

You take the next natural step…other hand going to the band of his jeans, fingers going to the top button when Jungkook, much to his dismay, opens his panicked eyes when his fingers wrap around your wrist to stop you.

“No,” He breathes out roughly, “We shouldn’t. We can’t…y/n we shouldn’t.”

Even he hates what he’s saying, you can tell.

You remove both of your hands from his body, slight sting to your ego when you nod in understanding. He shakes his head, hating how rejected you look.

“Hey,” His hand goes to your jaw, eyes still coated in lust but he tries to clear the fog. “You have no idea how badly I want to be touched by you. How badly I want to touch you.” He bores into your eyes, “But we can’t. Not now. We…” He looks how you feel. “We just shouldn’t.”

You know he might be right no matter how much you don’t want him to be. You want him so badly in every way possible. But you sigh, smiling for him and he immediately relaxes.

“I get it.” You say, “But just so you know…I don’t doubt that you want me too. I can feel how badly you want me, Jungkook.” You lean down slowly, hesitant because you’re afraid it’ll send the wrong message. But Jungkook closes his eyes the moment he realizes you want to give him a kiss. He accepts it. Kissing you back softly. Well, It seems you’re both needy.

~~~

You and Jungkook sit across from one another at the dining room table, amused glances and smiles getting exchanged by you both while you munch on the lunch he made. After the little accidental fun you had together last night, you both decided to relieve the tension with some movies to distract this feeling between you.

He slept on the sofa like usual. And you got off by yourself in your bedroom with him in your mind when you came. 

You know Misuk is going to be over at any moment. She said her mom did in fact make blueberry muffins and she was going to drop some off to you while they’re still fresh. 

Once you’re done eating, you wash yours and Jungkook’s dishes in the sink when there is knocking on your front door.

“Can you get it? It’s Misuk with the muffins,” You inform Jungkook, he nods in understanding, feet taking him out of the kitchen while you continue to wash the dishes from his cooking. 

In the distance you can hear the door opening and shutting and the slight mumbling of voices. You’re wondering what they’re talking about since they aren’t exactly the best of friends right now. You’re curious but you don’t want to snoop. Besides, they’ll probably be walking in here at any moment.

You’re scrubbing a pan when you feel bothered from the inside out. They are still mumbling in the living area. You won’t snoop.

But well, you want to pretend you aren’t snooping but with your back pressed against the wall and ears on high alert while you try to breathe silently as possible—well, you aren’t sure that this isn’t snooping. Especially because you left the sink water running so it isn’t suspicious.

You try to focus on their voices and you’re definitely making out words.

“You don’t have to keep reminding me, Misuk.” Jungkook grumbles. “But once again, I’ll remind you. These are doctor’s orders.”

“Oh?” Misuk scoffs, “How fucking convenient for you.” 

“Can you keep your voice down?” He obviously scolds her. “Look, it makes sense, okay?”

“How the fuck does it make sense?”

Your hands feel clammy as you listen, concern etching itself onto your face.

“Because I’m the one who it closest to y/n. Obviously I—”

“—Closest?” Misuk spits out the word. “That’s fucking hilarious, Jungkook. ‘Closest’” You can hear how she mocks it, your confusion growing so incredibly strong at their exchanges.

“Misuk—”

“—Closest.” She repeats one last time. “She hasn’t spoken one fucking word to you in two years.”

You feel your blood run cold. Heart completely stopping. 

What does she mean? What does that mean? Two years what? You haven’t spoken to Jungkook in two years? No, that’s not…

“But right,” Misuk lowers her tone even more. “Closest.”

Nooo! This was so sad and just prooves, Jungkook is an absolute sweetheart.

Because, I Love You | 07

Jungkook x Older!Reader

; Genre: Fluff, angst,

; Word Count: 2.6k

; Warnings: Mentions of blood, implied beginning of miscarriage

; Synopsis: According to society, Jeon Jungkook should not be with you. He should be with a younger, hotter and thinner girl instead of wasting his time on you. It’s a good thing Jungkook doesn’t care what society thinks then.

; A/N: This chapter may be uncomfortable for some people - I don’t go too in-depth with it, and I don’t describe it too in-depth. The next chapter will deal with the aftermath mentally, not physically. For anyone who’s experienced this, I’m so sorry and I hope you’re okay now! Please remember to take of yourself physicall and mentally! I hope I’ve handled this carefully and with respect for anyone who’s gone through it.

; Masterlist

-

“Y/N!” Jungkook calls from the bedroom, his voice slightly muffled by the walls between you both. Absentmindedly, you call a response you stand up from the couch and begin to head up the stairs, wondering what he’s wanting you for.

He’s been busier than usual in your home lately, mainly because he was still half in the process of moving into your home. The two of you had decided that it would be best for him to move in with you to prepare for the baby, and given you were the one who owned a home, it made the most sense. What had taken the longest to sort out the bills situation.

You’d been happy to invite Jungkook into your home, and you were looking forward to no longer being alone but having someone to share your life with. But you were also proud of the fact that you’d been able to buy your own house through hard work, and even if you were going to have a child with him, you weren’t willing to put his name on the mortgage.

Thankfully, he hadn’t wanted that. In fact, he’d explicitly said he didn’t want to be added before you’d even properly started the conversation. He wasn’t comfortable with taking away your independence like that, and he knew how important it had been for you to afford to buy your own home. So instead, he’d offered to pay for three-quarters of the utilities, leaving you with your mortgage and only a quarter of the bills.

Given you’d never lived with someone before, you weren’t sure if this was considered fair but you appreciated that he wasn’t being toxic about it all. Still, you’d recommended that he save money if he could because you didn’t want him to be stuck if anything happened in the future. Not that you wanted that, but still.

That had been when he’d shyly and very awkwardly admitted that he had a trust fund that he wasn’t touching. You’d rolled your eyes at that, affectionately, and just gently pushed his arm. Of course, he had a trust fund, and of course, Jungkook was such a sweet person that he wasn’t using it and instead let it build interest.

Keep reading