Welcome to my gay rambling [He/They/She]
29 posts
Gaytventhusiast - GayTV - Tumblr Blog
refseek.com
www.worldcat.org/
link.springer.com
http://bioline.org.br/
repec.org
science.gov
pdfdrive.com
“ACES BELONG AT PRIDE”
a PSA for the naysayers and encouragement for those who need it. mostly the latter rather than the former, but for those who needed the PSA:
you’re welcome.
※ photos taken May 2018 at Tokyo Rainbow Pride. see more at queerascat.com.
Me: "There aren't really any songs that make me cry." Slipping through my fingers by Abba: "hah bet"
I feel like people need to start forming their own opinions and coming at things from a different angle.
A lot of things are perceived as only agendas rather than people taking the time to actually analyse what it is, if that makes sense.
An example is neo-pronouns. People will act as if neos are some queer agenda that is a product of dramatic youth and the doom of our society or something along those lines. Or in contrast that they represent people's freedoms and that people should be allowed to use them if they want.
But you barely ever see anyone talking about how fascinating it is to, in real time, see this new layer of individualised linguistics getting introduced. We are witnessing language in its ever changing state and I, personally, love it.
Come at things from a different angle for once. Don't listen to what everyone else is saying and properly think about things for what they are. And appreciate them if they are new and/or they are interesting.
obsessed with stories that start out silly and stupid and then turn out to be deep and heartbreaking in their beauty. like okay, make me cry at midnight while i reflect on the true meaning of friendship i guess
Neurotypicals will be like:
"Aight, time to stop procrastinating!"
And then will actually stop procrastinating and will do what they need to do.
This is your friendly reminder from a mentally ill person that this website exists. If you have any triggers, look up the media and it will tell you if your trigger is in it. I see way too many people complaining about shows not having adequate TW nowadays as if resources like this don't exist. A big part of being mentally ill is looking out for yourself so make sure to go and do that, folks!
One gripe I have with the tma fandom is that they will not stop sexualizing Jon aka the ONE asexual character and then be like “Well asexuality is a spectrum! Asexual people can have sex!” Which yeah, true, but they say Jon doesn’t period. Literally the direct quote is like “Oh yeah Jon doesn’t at all.” AT ALL. Now stop writing/drawing that man having sex
How to show emotions
Part IV
How to show bitterness
tightness around their eyes
pinched mouth
sour expression on their face
crossed arms
snorting angrily
turning their eyes upward
shaking their head
How to show hysteria
fast breathing
chest heaving
trembling of their hands
weak knees, giving in
tears flowing down their face uncontrollably
laughing while crying
not being able to stand still
How to show awe
tension leaving their body
shoulders dropping
standing still
opening mouth
slack jaw
not being able to speak correctly
slowed down breathing
wide eyes open
softening their gaze
staring unabashingly
How to show shame
vacant stare
looking down
turning their head away
cannot look at another person
putting their head into their hands
shaking their head
How to show being flustered
blushing
looking down
nervous smile
sharp intake of breath
quickening of breath
blinking rapidly
breaking eye contact
trying to busy their hands
playing with their hair
fidgeting with their fingers
opening mouth without speaking
Part I + Part II + Part III
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just learned that magnolias are so old that they’re pollinated by beetles because they existed before bees
Everything is like “QUEER history” and “List of QUEER young adult books” or “Top 10 QUEER movies” and queer this and queer that and for the love of god please just say LGBT.
the “i don’t speak french” crisis monologue from jon in mag 102 is so funny out of context but in context it’s absolutely crushing because it’s a marking of his gradual realization he’s slowly becoming less “Jonathan sims” and more “The archivist, avatar of the beholding” and i screamed when it first clicked
society could be built on selecting random women to be put in a blender and pulverized monthly and tiktok would be like “how to SLAY the blender look! if you don’t want to get blended you’re just a pick me. getting blended is an act of rebellion in our society. how to dress more blendercore. trans women will never know what it feels like to be worried about getting selected for the blender every month (even though trans women get blended more often than cis women). trans men are traitors because they don’t get selected for the blender anymore (even though they do). actually women are more biologically suited to be blended because our soft frail bodies are easier on the blades and our brains are full of goopy feminine emotions and fluff so there is nothing of value lost when they’re crushed into a chunky red liquid. it is an act of divine femininity to be blended.”
Yup! It just means like no pressure :) Edit: I just noticed that it's international Asexuality day! This post being so close to it was not intentional on my part. Happy Ace day!
Labels, Asexuality, Aromanticism and Headcanon.
I need to just get this off my chest because it's a common trend I've noticed in a couple fandoms I'm in and I think it needs to be discussed. Of course I'm open to discussion on this. There's a chance I'm wrong.
Something about the way fandom treats s/x repulsed characters in media just sits with me bad. In multiple fandoms I've been in now, I've witness a clearly stated canonically s/x repulsed asexual character be put into 'intimate' situations under guise of a 's/x positive' interpretation. What bothers me, personally, is that these characters don't and would never. One example is with Jonathan Sims from The Magnus Archives. I have accidentally stumbled across explicit fics involving him before that are tagged 's/x positive asexual Jonathan Sims'. But the thing about him is that at no point in the podcast is he even mentioned to be asexual. In fact, the information you get about him is actually that he simply doesn't. That is all you know, that he doesn't, ever. And yet, due to the nuances of the asexual label and the fact that that description of Jon technically puts him under it, folks have been using those technicalities to put him into scenarios he never would enter into. As much as I hate to say it, it almost feels like there's a sort of s/x repulsed asexual erasure going on within the aspec community. And for context, this is coming from an aspec who is positive about that kind of intimacy. This is not just limited to asexuality either. I've also witnessed this happening to aromantic characters with fandom putting them in 'queer platonic relationships' that read as romantic ones. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a platonic pairing, in fact, I'm all for it. But time and time again I see sappy art with blushing or otherwise romantic undertones and I feel... just sort of weird about it. I understand where this all comes from. People have a desire to see themselves in characters and I respect that. But you can do that without the erasure of both asexuals and aromatics that simply do not. When it comes to being aro and/or ace, I recognise that, I, as someone who, although aspec, is still is open to relationships and 'intimacy', am far less scrutinised for it by society than those who aren't. And although sadly there is barely any representation in media for the kind of aspec I am, it doesn't mean that it feels okay to erase other asexual identities and their representation in the process. Summary: So this is all to say. It personally makes me uncomfortable when I see Repulsed Asexual and Aromatic characters turned pseudo-s/xual and romantic by the fans through the use of Label Nuances and Technicalities. (Note: This is not intended to be an attack on anyone personally. I simply think it's a much needed to be discussed topic that I've noticed happening more and more recently) On a more positive note: For anyone looking for aspec representation that involves a character who loves the idea of romance and has experienced giddy feelings in the past but comes to the realisation they might be aromantic through the help of an aroace friend, go listen to The Penumbra Podcast season 4 episode 'Rita Minute 4: 4Ever Love'. I've never felt so seen in terms of my sexuality before. It's an underrated gem of an aspec central minisode.
Well if you're ever in the mood to write that thesis of yours, I would love to read it >:) /np
Labels, Asexuality, Aromanticism and Headcanon.
I need to just get this off my chest because it's a common trend I've noticed in a couple fandoms I'm in and I think it needs to be discussed. Of course I'm open to discussion on this. There's a chance I'm wrong.
Something about the way fandom treats s/x repulsed characters in media just sits with me bad. In multiple fandoms I've been in now, I've witness a clearly stated canonically s/x repulsed asexual character be put into 'intimate' situations under guise of a 's/x positive' interpretation. What bothers me, personally, is that these characters don't and would never. One example is with Jonathan Sims from The Magnus Archives. I have accidentally stumbled across explicit fics involving him before that are tagged 's/x positive asexual Jonathan Sims'. But the thing about him is that at no point in the podcast is he even mentioned to be asexual. In fact, the information you get about him is actually that he simply doesn't. That is all you know, that he doesn't, ever. And yet, due to the nuances of the asexual label and the fact that that description of Jon technically puts him under it, folks have been using those technicalities to put him into scenarios he never would enter into. As much as I hate to say it, it almost feels like there's a sort of s/x repulsed asexual erasure going on within the aspec community. And for context, this is coming from an aspec who is positive about that kind of intimacy. This is not just limited to asexuality either. I've also witnessed this happening to aromantic characters with fandom putting them in 'queer platonic relationships' that read as romantic ones. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a platonic pairing, in fact, I'm all for it. But time and time again I see sappy art with blushing or otherwise romantic undertones and I feel... just sort of weird about it. I understand where this all comes from. People have a desire to see themselves in characters and I respect that. But you can do that without the erasure of both asexuals and aromatics that simply do not. When it comes to being aro and/or ace, I recognise that, I, as someone who, although aspec, is still is open to relationships and 'intimacy', am far less scrutinised for it by society than those who aren't. And although sadly there is barely any representation in media for the kind of aspec I am, it doesn't mean that it feels okay to erase other asexual identities and their representation in the process. Summary: So this is all to say. It personally makes me uncomfortable when I see Repulsed Asexual and Aromatic characters turned pseudo-s/xual and romantic by the fans through the use of Label Nuances and Technicalities. (Note: This is not intended to be an attack on anyone personally. I simply think it's a much needed to be discussed topic that I've noticed happening more and more recently) On a more positive note: For anyone looking for aspec representation that involves a character who loves the idea of romance and has experienced giddy feelings in the past but comes to the realisation they might be aromantic through the help of an aroace friend, go listen to The Penumbra Podcast season 4 episode 'Rita Minute 4: 4Ever Love'. I've never felt so seen in terms of my sexuality before. It's an underrated gem of an aspec central minisode.
Yes. This is a really interesting and informative post! I've been trying to add additional points to this but you're completely right, there are so many layers to this that I'm having trouble articulating anything coherently. All we can do as fandoms is to go away and try to tackle some of the more small scale and tangible things. I agree. Fandom needs to take a step back and self reflect. (Also, it occurs to me that the term I should have used in my original post should probably have been sex-favourable)
Labels, Asexuality, Aromanticism and Headcanon.
I need to just get this off my chest because it's a common trend I've noticed in a couple fandoms I'm in and I think it needs to be discussed. Of course I'm open to discussion on this. There's a chance I'm wrong.
Something about the way fandom treats s/x repulsed characters in media just sits with me bad. In multiple fandoms I've been in now, I've witness a clearly stated canonically s/x repulsed asexual character be put into 'intimate' situations under guise of a 's/x positive' interpretation. What bothers me, personally, is that these characters don't and would never. One example is with Jonathan Sims from The Magnus Archives. I have accidentally stumbled across explicit fics involving him before that are tagged 's/x positive asexual Jonathan Sims'. But the thing about him is that at no point in the podcast is he even mentioned to be asexual. In fact, the information you get about him is actually that he simply doesn't. That is all you know, that he doesn't, ever. And yet, due to the nuances of the asexual label and the fact that that description of Jon technically puts him under it, folks have been using those technicalities to put him into scenarios he never would enter into. As much as I hate to say it, it almost feels like there's a sort of s/x repulsed asexual erasure going on within the aspec community. And for context, this is coming from an aspec who is positive about that kind of intimacy. This is not just limited to asexuality either. I've also witnessed this happening to aromantic characters with fandom putting them in 'queer platonic relationships' that read as romantic ones. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a platonic pairing, in fact, I'm all for it. But time and time again I see sappy art with blushing or otherwise romantic undertones and I feel... just sort of weird about it. I understand where this all comes from. People have a desire to see themselves in characters and I respect that. But you can do that without the erasure of both asexuals and aromatics that simply do not. When it comes to being aro and/or ace, I recognise that, I, as someone who, although aspec, is still is open to relationships and 'intimacy', am far less scrutinised for it by society than those who aren't. And although sadly there is barely any representation in media for the kind of aspec I am, it doesn't mean that it feels okay to erase other asexual identities and their representation in the process. Summary: So this is all to say. It personally makes me uncomfortable when I see Repulsed Asexual and Aromatic characters turned pseudo-s/xual and romantic by the fans through the use of Label Nuances and Technicalities. (Note: This is not intended to be an attack on anyone personally. I simply think it's a much needed to be discussed topic that I've noticed happening more and more recently) On a more positive note: For anyone looking for aspec representation that involves a character who loves the idea of romance and has experienced giddy feelings in the past but comes to the realisation they might be aromantic through the help of an aroace friend, go listen to The Penumbra Podcast season 4 episode 'Rita Minute 4: 4Ever Love'. I've never felt so seen in terms of my sexuality before. It's an underrated gem of an aspec central minisode.
Labels, Asexuality, Aromanticism and Headcanon.
I need to just get this off my chest because it's a common trend I've noticed in a couple fandoms I'm in and I think it needs to be discussed. Of course I'm open to discussion on this. There's a chance I'm wrong.
Something about the way fandom treats s/x repulsed characters in media just sits with me bad. In multiple fandoms I've been in now, I've witnessed a clearly stated canonically s/x repulsed asexual character be put into 'intimate' situations under guise of a 's/x positive' interpretation. What bothers me, personally, is that these characters don't and would never. One example is with Jonathan Sims from The Magnus Archives. I have accidentally stumbled across explicit fics involving him before that are tagged 's/x positive asexual Jonathan Sims'. But the thing about him is that at no point in the podcast is he even mentioned to be asexual. In fact, the information you get about him is actually that he simply doesn't. That is all you know, that he doesn't, ever. And yet, due to the nuances of the asexual label and the fact that that description of Jon technically puts him under it, folks have been using those technicalities to put him into scenarios he never would enter into. As much as I hate to say it, it almost feels like there's a sort of s/x repulsed asexual erasure going on within the aspec community. And for context, this is coming from an aspec who is positive about that kind of intimacy. This is not just limited to asexuality either. I've also witnessed this happening to aromantic characters with fandom putting them in 'queer platonic relationships' that read as romantic ones. There is nothing wrong with enjoying a platonic pairing, in fact, I'm all for it. But time and time again I see sappy art with blushing or otherwise romantic undertones and I feel... just sort of weird about it. I understand where this all comes from. People have a desire to see themselves in characters and I respect that. But you can do that without the erasure of both asexuals and aromatics that simply do not. When it comes to being aro and/or ace, I recognise that, I, as someone who, although aspec, is still is open to relationships and 'intimacy', am far less scrutinised for it by society than those who aren't. And although sadly there is barely any representation in media for the kind of aspec I am, it doesn't mean that it feels okay to erase other asexual identities and their representation in the process. Summary: So this is all to say. It personally makes me uncomfortable when I see Repulsed Asexual and Aromatic characters turned pseudo-s/xual and romantic by the fans through the use of Label Nuances and Technicalities. (Note: This is not intended to be an attack on anyone personally. I simply think it's a much needed to be discussed topic that I've noticed happening more and more recently) On a more positive note: For anyone looking for aspec representation that involves a character who loves the idea of romance and has experienced giddy feelings in the past but comes to the realisation they might be aromantic through the help of an aroace friend, go listen to The Penumbra Podcast season 4 episode 'Rita Minute 4: 4Ever Love'. I've never felt so seen in terms of my sexuality before. It's an underrated gem of an aspec central minisode.
A Short Piece On Cal and the Quote That Broke My Heart. (Ep 1-108 Spoilers) (CW for queer trauma)
The only context you will need is that Cecil's brother comes to visit him and in the process Cecil enters into another reality closer to ours in terms of ideology.
Up until Cal, you've spent over 100 episode with Cecil Palmer. You hear him be unapologetically himself. You hear him unapologetically fall in love and finally unapologetically get married to that man.
Welcome to Nightvale is what I would describe as an idealistic queer society. This does not mean the society in itself is 'Idealistic'. That's hardly how I would describe the horrors that sweep Nightvale on the frequent. No, what I mean is that this is a world, or at the least a town, where queer isn't even in its people's vocabulary. At no point does WTNV ever use the word 'Gay'. People fall in love and people exist as themselves without needing to explain. That is an idealistic queer society.
And then you reach episode 108, Cal. I first listened to nightvale a couple years back. In fact I believe I have only listened to this episode once. And one quote from it has stuck with me ever since. Not because it was particularly dramatic, mind you. In fact, what hit me about it was the complete opposite. Because Welcome to Nightvale broke my heart with an internal monologue that is almost mundane to us queer listeners. Cecil anecdotes about a conversation he has with his brother in this other reality where his brother asks him if he has a girlfriend yet and Cecil recounts thinking this:
"In my life with Cal, I had never told him I would never have a girlfriend. In Night Vale, no one cared either way, but I felt like Cal would have. In this other reality, I was single, so I only said “No.” "
After over a hundred episodes of escapist queer joy, you hear Cecil, a man who has lived his life being able to just exist, feel shame. A deep seated shame conditioned into every queer person. Every time you are told things are getting better when you complain that things are still bad. Every time you are made to feel like you are unworthy of love or only worthy of suffering. No matter how confident. That trauma. That deep deep shame remains.
It is a systemic shame not found in these idealistic societies.
It's a reality check of an episode, that although intentional or not, lets you feel everything you've been conditioned to suppress. I cried for Cecil and I cried for myself. Because realising how much this character I loved didn't deserve to feel that way about who he was made it hit me how much I, as a queer person, also do not deserve to feel that way. My empathy for him reflected back upon myself and I was heartbroken.
My heart broke for a character's suffering that is just my everyday reality.
In my opinion it's one thing for a piece of media to show you your suffering; it's a whole other thing for it to make you truly feel like you don't deserve it.
(!Warning!- Slight hints at domestic abuse. Nothing that isn't in canon)
(Do not read if you do not want to see a critical analysis of Jmart. Some people don't want to see their comfort ship criticised and I respect that.)
Me on my first listen of magnus (aged 15): Omg omg there are gay people this is amazing. Wahoo Jmart!
Me on my second listen of magnus: Wow Martin is lowkey a bit of a secret gaslight gatekeep girloss. ICONIC. He and Jon are murder bfs :D
Me on my third listen of magnus: Hah. Martin really is kind of a bitch sometimes.
Me on my forth listen of magnus: God Martin can be so condescending wtf. I dont really ship Jmart anymore. And did he just hit Jon wtf ?!?!
Me after my 5th listen to now (Aged 18): Yikes. Martin has so many red flags oh god.
(Disclaimer: I do think these characters and their relationship are still well written and I do not dislike anyone for shipping them. However, I do think the fanon interpretation of their relationship removes how flawed Martin actually is and people don't hold him accountable nearly enough)
(Additionally this is all not to say that Jon is exempt from poor behaviour toward Martin. The way he treats Martin in s1 was dickish to say the least. However, unlike Martin this behaviour isn't perpetuated throughout the entirety of the podcast/ relationship, with Jon quickly coming to respect Martin at a similar level to himself.)
Martin Blackwood is not a kind person.
He never holds himself accountable for anything or so few times I literally don't remember them. In MAG 194- Parting, it is Jon that makes the decision to apologise to Martin. Additionally after Martin hits Jon earlier on he is never seen apologising for it, even after Jon's honestly heartbreaking line of "Thank you for not hitting me this time".
Martin also tends to get pissy at Jon for something he cannot help. Jon cannot help 'giving statements' in season 5 and yet everytime he does, Martin acts like it's some sort of attack on him. He is perfectly allowed to have the boundary of 'Don't do that around me'. However in instances where Jon accidentally does it around Martin, Martin responds with aggression, either lashing out and shouting at Jon or as previously mentioned, hitting him. These can be explained as maybe reasonable responses to high stress situations however Martin never apologises for them as discussed previously.
This also comes in the form of Martin antagonising Jon's well meaning suggestions. In S4, during the 'Gauge your eyes out' scene, Martin immediately shoots back, making it about him rather than the desperate attempts at salvation from a man who's been broken down to all hell.
There's a clear bitterness from Martin throughout. He clearly feels inferior to Jon and is trying to gain as much control over the situation as he can which often means doing all he can to control Jon.
And Martin is right at the end of S5 when he says it took 4 years of the shit they've been through to be compatible. However, what I think is more accurate is that it took 4 years of Jon being broken down and into a state of perpetual emotional vulnerability and loss of autonomy for him to be so alone that he reached out to Martin. And vice versa, Martin (being affected by the lonely and always having had an attraction to Jon) reaches out in return later in s5. Aside from that, they've not got much in common and although I do think that they at least get along as friends and colleagues, I can't really see them consistently bonding outside of the world of the fears.
Now I'd like to clarify that this isn't all to say that the way Martin acts isn't understandable, it is. Having to care for his mother for years has lead to him mothering Jon at times as well as his constant need to prioritise himself and defend himself in response to her abuse. He probably also has some left over resentment (understandably) from the way Jon used to treat him in s1. Along with a bunch of other stuff that explains his behaviour. But that doesn't mean that the way he acts sometimes isn't harmful.
Their relationship is more nuanced than I'm able to fit into a tumblr post. I might write an essay about it at some point. If there is anything i didn't mention it's either because it's been a while and I forgot, or I did not have space to fit it!
Anyways, what do you guys think about all this? TMA is one of those shows I've been a bit apprehensive to critically analyse due to the fandom but I found that Jmart is a lot more interesting than I initially thought.
(SUMMARY: Jmart is not as healthy of a relationship as the Fanon tends to show it. Martin has a lot of red flags and the two aren't all that compatible aside from their trauma)
So are we just going to ignore the fact that the logo of magnus archives is a literal tape in a web like that doesn't elude to the entire spider and eye plot twist...
how tf did I only just realise that??
"The world is already so big and exhausting. It doesnt really matter who's holding you as long as you're being held."
Geez okay then arcpod
Not you hitting me in the feels.