"I Don't Know What To Do Without You," / "I Don't Know Where To Put My Hands,"

"I don't know what to do without you," / "I don't know where to put my hands,"

"I look up at the gaps of sunlight," / "I miss you more than anything."

Nothing pisses me off more than when people treat Ponyboy like he was a bad person for how he viewed Darry at the beginning of the book. Their parents just died, Darry very quickly went from a brother to a guardian, and they fought all the time. Also, Ponyboy is naturally more emotional than Darry, so when him and Darry reacted to their grief very differently, of course it was hard for 14 YEAR OLD GRIEVING Ponyboy to understand how Darry was feeling. NOT TO MENTION the amount of guilt Ponyboy probably feels that Darry put his life on hold for Ponyboy and Soda. Ponyboy’s feelings towards Darry at the beginning of the book are not uncalled for at all. Ponyboy isn’t an asshole for how he talked about Darry, just like Darry isn’t an asshole for how he treated Ponyboy.

NEITHER OF THEM WERE THE PROBLEM AND THAT IS THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT,

PREACH BITCH PREEEAAAACCCCHHHHH

Ponyboy’s a kid with something to prove. Prove he can handle himself, prove he’s strong, prove that he’s just another human being. He’s the youngest of the gang, he’s the kid brother of Darry and Sodapop- for a while he thought that was why everyone tolerated him. And while he is watched out for because of his age and can be a tag-along he thinks he’s looked upon much more differently than he really is, at least amongst the gang.

The youngest always tries to seem older, latching on, copying behavior, following around. He wants to be seen as more than just the kid. Ponyboy wants to be capable. He’s always been a spacy kid and it causes everyone to worry about him— he tends to zone out a lot , gets caught in his own world and really absorbs movies and books in a way none of the others do. He’s sensitive. Even he feels that sensitivity and it makes him wildly Insecure— how different he is. Why’d he have to be observant why couldn’t he just be fine with fighting and cars?

Good grades are hard to come by in the neighborhood and he gets those. He stays out of trouble when he can. Sticks up for everyone. There’s almost a expectation that good grades should be enough but he still has to work and prove himself to the soc’s that he’s not just some hood and he’s in advanced classes for a reason.

He wants to be tuff, and he is. He walks the walk, talks the talk- can look mean when he needs to and throws a punch good. He’s just never found a way to live with it or accept things. Pony thinks too much and too little at the same time.

“I ain’t a chicken, Two-bit Mathews, and you know it.” … “ain’t I a Curtis, same as Soda and Darry?” (127)

He takes a great deal of pride in being a Curtis, in his brother’s reputations. At the same time he wants for one of his own. Don’t he fight good too?

Interestingly, Ponyboy is pretty damn strong. He’s depended on in his track team, he bounces back well from injury/illness (physically at least) and he’s very physically strong despite his age and lengthy stature.

Even with three guys pinning him down he manages to thrash and kick like a buck. He can struggle when there’s no reason he should be able to. Hell— he gets Bob to fall into the fountain! All while pinned down!

It’s not that he can’t handle himself or fight well, it’s how he tends to forget a lot. Pony needs to use his head for more than school and moping around. He tends to see the gangs protection and worrying as patronizing to an extent but it’s not (just) because he’s the kid brother… it’s because he’s one of them.

He’s stronger and more part of the gang than he thinks himself to be. While also displaying a LOT of little brother tendencies, he just needs to realize that’s not a bad thing.

ugh hc that soda is always the one pony goes to for comfort EXCEPT when the nightmares are the absolute worst imaginable and then it’s ONLY darry who can calm him down by holding him and pony realizing that darry isnt gone and isnt leaving

You’re a hero for this 🙏 The gears are TURNING so I’m gonna do what I do best and yap it up. (everything is in reference to this post btw)

- The first time it happens, Pony wakes up screaming bloody murder. Like scream-sobbing, nearly as bad as when he found out their parents had died. He’s convinced it was real and is struggling out of bed while Soda’s trying to get him to calm down and talk to him, but Pony’s wrestling away

- Pony’s reaction is so violent and visceral and it scares Soda nearly to tears, just seeing it and thinking something genuinely terrible has happened. You know when you see someone else is so much distress that you start feeling it too? That’s how Soda is feeling. And he’s just yelling out to Darry for help because he’s never seen Pony so completely inconsolable

- I imagine Darry’s a light sleeper, so of course he’s up like a shot and racing over to Pony and Soda’s room, his heart in his throat the entire time

- Darry’s nearly convinced they need to bring Pony to the hospital. There’s no way this was the result of a nightmare, but Soda tells him what happened

- When he notices Darry sitting on the bed, Pony’s in his arms faster than he’s ever done anything, just crying into his shoulder, can’t even form any words. Darry is baffled, but it’s outweighed by a fierce protectiveness, so he just hugs Pony back and murmurs into his hair small comforts like “It’s okay, it’s okay, honey. I’m here, I ain’t going anywhere, baby.”

- Soda’s rubbing circles into Pony’s back like their parents used to, just trying to keep the physical contact in hopes that it starts to anchor him

- But it’s Darry who Pony needed, just his presence and the reminder that it wasn’t real, Darry’s alive and well, he wasn’t in the car that day, wasn’t on the tracks, wasn’t mangled and ruined and dead. He’s got them right in his arms

- And when Pony’s calmed down enough to speak, he just says “I thought you were dead” in a wobbly voice that quivers and shakes, cracking during that last horrible word

- Darry doesn’t know what to say, so he hugs him tighter and holds the back of his head and hopes it’s enough

- Since then, Pony’s never had a reaction as extreme and intense as that one, but Soda knows what’s happened when Pony is crying into his hands and getting up to leave in the middle of the night. He knows where Pony is going and knows that for this one thing, he’s just not enough comfort, because he’s not Darry

Wow that was a lot of angst but hopefully you can see my little crumbs of love in there, I can’t do straight heartache I think I would just die.

Ty for the ask!!

Friendly reminder that being rude to someone because you disagree with their headcanons, ships, or really how they enjoy a fandom at all is not okay.

If they are not actively being harmful, it’s not your place to judge.

And yes, I mean actually harmful. Omegaverse, littlespace, etc. are not harmful.

can we start calling jally hotshot please

(dally - died by getting shot)

(johnny - died by fire)

my friend came up with this and i like it one thousand more times then jally