24 posts
Godtookmygenderagain - Untitled - Tumblr Blog
I have a new theory which has resulted from me writing porn on my phone which im certain is old hat to everyone but is new to me
it kinda goes like this
basically, as a person or community writes a kinky story for longer, they will kind of inevitably move up a chain of 'paradigms of justification' required to make the kink continue to make sense.
the pace will vary depending on the kink, but motion is inevitable.
---
so say you decide to write some rope bondage kink. as you continue to write, you are likely to progress through the stages as follows:
Stage 0 - Baseline: i am writing A tying up B, because i want to, A wants to, and B is into it (or isn't, depending on what kinda freak you are). Regular fic goes here.
Stage 1 - Psychological: Why is does A like tying up B? Why does B like being tied up? Normal character stuff. Not yet weird. You're still normal. If you mom found out you were writing this, she'd probably still love you.
Stage 2 - Logistical: How does A afford all those rope? Why hasn't B's hands fallen off from lack of circulation? Getting odd you'd write about this, but fair enough, real kinksters deal with this. You just like to pay attention to details.
Stage 3 - Sociological: You have written the kink long enough that you need it to be normalized in-universe in order to push the envelope. You need a Federal Department of Kinky Shit Why has nobody called the cops when B goes missing for three days due to the suspension bondage setup you researched for two hours last night? Did you just invent a law so its okay for A to tie up the pizza delivery guy? Why is it not a violation of the labour code that B spends all her time literally tied to her desk? This is where the descent into madness begins. You have total freedom now to introduce new characters, but they will probably end up being A-like and B-like because that's your kink and why you started writing in the first place. People laugh when they see the premise, but keep reading.
Stage 4 - Biological: Oh, now you fucked up. See, eventually, you're going to start wondering why the world is filled with people like A and B. You're going to need to answer definitively why B didn't fucking die when you accidentally wrote a poorly conceived stress position in chapter 2. You gotta answer why there's only like 1 A for every 10 Bs. You realize with horror you accidentally implied that shibari harnesses is literally a biological requirement for human reproduction. It's over for you. This is ABO with extra steps. Get thee to a nunnery.
Stage 5 - Synthesis: "Oh fuck, it all makes sense now." Terminal brain stoppage. Death would be a mercy. ---
The thing is, once you have progressed through these stages, you are going to skip ahead in future stories because, let's face it, its incredibly convenient to have these structures laid out for you. If you've gotten to Stage 3 in a previous fic and then start a new one, well, you could fuck around justifying what's going on, or you could simply bring back the Federal Department of Kinky Shit and jump straight to the silk cord. It's efficient and we're all busy people.
I ended up following this trajectory with my first set of Porn On Phone stories pretty closely:
Hot lady am sexy kidnaps!
But why am hot lady sexy kidnap?
How am hot lady afford lavish lifestyle for sexy kidnapee?
Why am nobody arrest hot lady for sexy kidnap?
am reason related to why am no men in stories?
characters am now exclaim 'judith christ!' when stub toe.
Terminal. Put me down like the dog I am.
But the dark realization I had, right about now, is that all the normie fics out there, all the boring straight stuff?
... yeah they're already at Stage 5. The straights are living at stage 5, patriarchy is their Federal Department of Kinky Shit, they believe in alphas and omegas already.
So, put that way, it's actually totally normal and okay to do this progression, right? Like, it's subversive. This is feminist! This is feminist! I scream, as I'm dragged into the van and driven down to the river to be drowned like an unwanted kitten. I'm the normal one! You're all mad!
anyway i started writing a star trek porn parody in an attempt to write 'normal' porn again, hit stage five within 3000 words, had a mental breakdown, and came here to write this.
my only issue with tumblr is that every time I go to the tags it is at precisely the time the heart from me liking the same post gets to that spot
Look at this distinguished gentleman. Look at the way he is sitting. Yes, very distinguished.
ngl I hated last years royal institution Christmas lectures
Okok so I’m reaallllly late to finish watching them but I need to rant so context:
I live in England (yay ig) and every Christmas the royal institution (which I think does actual science/research as well but meh) does a series of three lectures about a particular scientific subject ie climate change, genetic engineering one time I think, and last years: ✨ai✨
it’s about 3hrs long in total
and in 3hrs they proceeded to ignore all current issues with ai. Including the main one: *stealing*. They did a small section on “art” where they brought in an “artist” who, looking at the subtext I’m pretty sure he uses ai to generate images then photoshops them. They do a demonstration with some basic suggestions from the audience (all kids/teens) and show how it works. Then the presenter says that some artists have an issue with “their works being used” as training data. He then asks this “artist” what he thinks about it and the guy predictably says that he doesn’t have an issue. Like, of course you don’t, *your* “art” isn’t being used. The show then has the balls to pretend that is the only opinion of artists that actually exists.
I just
[insert scream of rage]
But then it’s the bbc what was I expecting
I have relinquished myself to bagginsheild
GOOD OMENS SU AU BECAUSE I CAN
gem!Aziraphale is Moonstone and gem!Crowley is Red Beryl Both gems are associated with love, moonstone being comforting if love must be hidden, while red beryl associated with lasting love and commitment. It surprisingly fits them even tho i picked up stones based more on the color.
thing is - and hear me out - if s3 does by any minute chance incorporate any suggestion of a sex scene, it is imperative for me that they commit to the bit. i need crowley to nearly topple over trying to get out of his jeans, i need aziraphale to complain that they cant do anything downstairs because that would be scandalous, and i need them to trip over going up the stairs because they keep getting distracted. i need one of them to accidentally get an elbow to the face, i need them to have a long forgotten book digging into one of their backs, and aziraphale is horrified when crowley launches it across the room, and i need there to be hard cut to whickber street having a huge power surge, lines sparking, all the power going out, and every car alarm in a 2-mile radius start screaming, i don't need it to be explicit or overly romantic but i do need it to be fucking funny
Ways Crowley Could Safely Enter A Church
- pogo stick
- a skateboard and a walking stick, punting himself along like he’s in Venice
- platform shoes
- piggyback from Aziraphale
- stilts
- being carried bridal-style by Aziraphale
- literally just a fucking motorcycle
Stand on me and be a tree.
Swordtember 2021 by Marina Lunina
Also i dont know if you guys have ever seen medieval beekeeper garb, but:
Its the best!!!
Guo Pei Couture Fall 2019
1 | 2 | 3 | 4
I dozed off with Tumblr open. Had a dream in which both David Tennant and Michael Sheen were now acting in Good Omens with ridiculous quantities of glowing Gold Leaf on their faces, and i was told that was their angel marks. I felt guilty for not having known when someone on Tumblr asked. Then I realized I'd added a sentence I had thought was being emailed to David Tennant about him looking like David Bowie with a golden forehead circle to a gigantic ongoing work of fanfic on Tumblr and I was about to get into trouble with Amazon for revealing what Crowley now looked like. Meanwhile Michael Sheen had seen a rough assembly of Good Omens 2 and was trying to tell me important things about it but was speaking so obliquely that I couldn't tell if he didn't like what we'd done or was just complaining about being all golden and less human. I woke up trying to work out how to Google an image of Bowie's golden forehead circle...
A new mode of production arises out of the newly networked masses.
i was thinking this morning about how i categorize fanfic authors that i enjoy like AKC breeds and decided to share my rubric with you:
the specialist: this author has a favorite kink or trope and has written 80% of the content in that tag. you know exactly what you’re getting. they have A Brand™️. no matter what other traits they display, dedicated rare pair authors belong here.
the chocolate box: essentially the exact opposite. this author will try anything once. they have 80+ works in the fandom with no discernible pattern. the shortest one is 268 words and the longest is well over 100k. this breed of author may or may not be related to:
the renaissance fan: they’ve written three things in your fandom: your favorite fic, your notp, and a bizarre crossover with a show you’ve never heard of. you hit “expand fandoms list” on their author page and have to scroll down twice to reach the bottom. whenever you curse the fact that you can’t legally commission fic writers, this is the author you’re thinking about.
the horn dog: they’re here for one thing and one thing only. if someone’s dick is not in another character’s mouth within 500 words, they apologize for it in the author’s notes. they have one (1) g-rated fic.
the rookie: this writer is usually young, new to fandom, or just got a beta-reader for the first time. their fics are a little all over the place, quality-wise, but you’re excited whenever their name pops up because their unique voice gets stronger every time. you feel a personal investment in their development, like you’re an old man reading the local high school sports page and saying “this kid’s the one to watch.”
the live streamer: the most prolific author in the fandom. their works are all over the front page when you sort by kudos. you have no idea how they generate this much work, and have seriously wondered if they have access to an extra-dimensional time portal. their stories are usually un-beta’d and the characterization varies wildly, but their best works are inspired and you’ve read them 30 times.
the cryptid: this one comes out of nowhere every two years, drops the best fanfic you’ve ever read, and disappears. fifteen months after you left a three paragraph comment about how they changed your life, you get a message in your inbox that just says “thanks.”
the novelist: we talk about “filing off the serial numbers” when someone reworks their most popular story to pitch it as an original novel; this author somehow does the reverse. their fics are excellent, usually long-reaching multi-chapter AUs that have almost nothing to do with the on-screen characters except their names. i’d like to extend my personal thanks to this breed of author because it’s the closest i get to reading an actual book.
the reunion tour: this author wrote some of the most popular works in the fandom, but either moved on to k-pop or burned out when canon took a turn for the worse. they put out one new thing a year, often an old draft that’s been haunting them from under the floorboards. their last six author’s notes all say they never thought they’d write this pairing again and “this will probably be the last time.”
who did i miss?
Merlin + yearbook quotes
NSFW will be tagged as #lemon sorta NSFW is #Lime Weird fet shit/ extreme NSFW is #orange reblog to spread awareness that we’re back on the citrus scale
Inktober Day 31- Risk
Finally done 🎉 I‘m really happy I made it :)
This last one is actually a fanart to @fuxdeiflswued fantastic fanfiction ‚Never cruel or cowardly‘ :)! I‘m really grateful to them that they let me use it for inspiration. Let’s be honest who isn’t a sucker for Yaz with a sword?