"Nothing Of Me Is Original. I Am The Combined Effort Of Everybody I've Ever Known."

"Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everybody I've ever known."

Chuck Palahniuk (Invisible Monsters)

I know I'm not as'pose to color outside the lines but I do anyway because I like being myself.

Peter Griffin

Nightly musings

Time: 1:00am

Weather: -12 C feels like -19 C w/ wind chill and snow

Just went for a walk in these conditions to simply catch a glimpse of the beautiful Geminid meteor shower. Jacket did not suffice to block the cold. Snow got in my shoes. No meteors. Walked a mile with wet socks. Looked up only to find the sky concealed by clouds and falling snow. No meteors. iPod died. Walked in silence. No meteors. When I embraced the silence it described a town induced in a deadly slumber. A few zombies cautiously avoided an icy collision of metal and tragedy. No meteors. Slipped. Dusted off remnants of cloud falling onto the sidewalk. No meteors. Ahead of me was a long winding sidewalk lightly covered by a layer of snow. The only memory of me was not the buzzing from my headphones but my steps left imprinted in the untouched snow. They're being covered quickly by the flakes. The only sound left was the crunch of snow under my heavy gait. There were too many street lights. They left golden orbs in the sky illuminating the falling snow. It covered any sign of meteors. I trudged forward, hands plunged deep into my pockets. Searching for the darkest part of town. Looked to the skies. Got it. I walked two miles to catch a fleeting glimpse of one meteor. It was worth it. I would go to the darkest depths to find light-where it is most radiant. I would endure the ugliness in search of beauty-where it is most captivating. I would kill myself just to live-truly take in the flawed perfection I will leave behind when I go. Sometimes you need to brush death to understand the magnificence of life.

A question from my childhood

"On life's road the past is behind you, just keep moving forward."

What if I stopped? What if I turned to my right causing my path to go on a tangent? Where am I going then? I've always wondered this. There's always this expectation of straight and narrow but never an explanation of what happens when it's not followed. Do I go back and keep going forward? What I no longer like the future road and decide on a detour? Don't really know what this is for. Just converting my thoughts to typed words.

Something I always wanted to say...

...the letters of my name do not carry my story. Your simple ability to pronounce it does not give you automatic knowledge about the details of my life. You have your preconceived notions and that's fine. You have your opinion which everyone is entitled to. What you don't have are the authenticated attributes which comprise who I am. So don't you dare utter those letters of my name alongside a statement you believe to be true when you in no way have any idea who I am

...I just never had the time or the balls.

You never know what you have until you lose it.

I always knew what I had, I just never thought I'd lose it.

-N