Regulus Was Scared.

regulus was scared.

scared of confronting his parents. scared of being left behind. scared of the world.

scared of opening up to people.

even though he had this though and mean facade he would open up really quick to someone until the point where he was overwhelming.

he just wanted someone to listen to him. and when he thought he found someone he would say all the things that he wanted.

but he was considered too much. he was too much for people to handle.

he was a storm. he was a hurricane of feelings, so when he lost control he knew it was going to end up bad. he knew he was going to bore people around him.

even knowing that, he would vomit all the random information he had. deeply hoping inside of him that people didn't leave him after seeing how he truly was.

how childish, pleaser and lonely he was. how he would keep all his feelings hidden from others. how raw these were.

but each time they would leave him, and each time he would try to avoid these situations again but he couldn't help it.

so yeah.

regulus was scared.

not from the dark, not from death.

regulus was scared

of lost childish dreams of a found family.

regulus was scared

of being completely unbearable and repulsive to others.

he wasn't scared of being alone.

not at all.

he was just scared.

he has been scared all his life.

he has always been scared since

the only thing he could have for sure

and be only his

was fear.

sitting down in the floor, book between his crossed legs, messy hair from pulling it until it hurt and red scratches through his arms with the shape of his nails, regulus was studying.

he wasn't naturally smart like sirius or enjoyed studying like evan. he was him and that wasn't enough.

not enough for him, not enough for his parents and apparently not enough for sirius.

he would plan a perfect timetable but couldn't stick to it, he wasn't dumb but neither clever. he was in a limbo in between.

always in a grey spot, never declaring his opinions about anything: "if it doesn't affect me, it doesn't matter" he would say. but it did affect him. the pressure of joining the dark Lord, of meeting his parents expectations, and failure.

failure

that word made his insides itch to the point where he would want to take a knife and scratch this guts until it stopped itching.

so there he is, sitting down in the floor next to his bed, book between his legs and eyes surrounded by dark eyebags, with only the sound of his empty stomach making him company.

maybe he should stop trying but he would kill himself before stopping actively to destroy himself.

looking at the roof over his head he would think: "slytherins have a reputation of self preservation but I don't, am I good now for you, sirius?"

college student + boyfriend!suguru is more of an actions guy. he does say “i love you” after every kiss, wishes you good luck before your exam and texts you good morning and goodnight but—he was more of an actions guy.

more than often times you find yourself lying on his bed while he did his homework and it was just so quiet between you two with the occasional “look at what I sent you” from you as you scrolled through tiktok and sent him funny videos that you found. he would laugh or coo at them before placing his phone down and going back to doing his homework in silence while you faced away from him, curling into a comfortable ball on one of the mattress’ corners.

so when you get a notification that suguru sent you a tiktok and you open it—your lips part in shock and you’re quickly whipping your head back to stare at him while he rocks back and forth on his dark blue gamer chair, eyes glued to his screen. they flicker up your way and there’s a tiny smile on his face—flustered when you sit up with your hair everywhere and show him your phone as if to make sure he really sent you what he just sent you.

“us?” you read the caption out loud and he chuckles before throwing his head back as if to avoid your eyes. “and it’s an orange and black cat? babyyy,” the speed at which you get off the bed to give him a hug is anything but impressive and it makes your boyfriend chuckle as you struggle with the covers before finally landing near his foot.

you bring his face to your chest and squeeze him tightly before peppering kisses all over his face.

“baby, I’m ticklish—“ “well, you tickled my heart!” the way you hold your phone close to you with a big smile before rolling under the covers. the happiness, the giddiness and excitement.

suguru wishes to bring nothing but this much joy into your life.

note: another extremely self indulgent piece to bring myself some comfort. have a good day<3

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(ɔˆ ³(ˆᴗˆc)

the fact that satoru saw kenjaku disguised as suguru and wanted to smile...

but it wasn't a pure, an innocent nor a sad one.

it was a raw smile, one that showed us how he would've dropped everything that second if suguru was really alive, though he knew he wasn't.

raw in a way that it showed how he wanted to join him, to be with him.

so raw, because those were are his feelings for suguru, raw, possessive, desperate,

as if he is his reason to breathe.

and, after all, he still is.

The Wolves and the Flock of Sheep, 1867. From La Fontaine's Fables Illustrated by Gustave Doré (French, 1832-1883)