In Eighth Grade, My Best Friend Wrote An Essay About How Badass Barbie Is And How No One Should Shit

in eighth grade, my best friend wrote an essay about how badass barbie is and how no one should shit on her because she’s amazing and like did all these amazing careers, multiple of which required several years of schooling

I hope Barbie is so good and successful it makes every executive that’s turned everything bright and fun made for young girls into edgy boring teen dramas for the last ten years spontaneously combust into flames

my best friend went to Newfoundland and brought me back a collection of rocks that she thought were cool, and i was so excited

my friend told me that her boyfriend got her a super cool rock while they were on vacation together and you would not BELIEVE my disappointment when i realized she was talking about her engagement ring

“damn it, answer!” you yell as they don’t answer /again/. sixth times the charm?

they pick up on the last ring.

“thank god, are you okay?” your voice is trembling.

“i just killed the great hero. what do you think?”

You just watched the news and saw your city’s beloved superhero publicly killed. And now your partner won’t answer the damn phone.

hi Carl

Your daily dose of cat memes

there are two different types of old ladies.

the ones who scrutinize everything and have their glasses on the end of their nose and somehow manage to look down at you even tho their shorter than you

and the ones who just want someone to talk to and are very kind and will tell you all their stories even of you’re just scooping them a pint of ice cream for 5 minutes