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Bothersome beast, comforting friend

⚠️🔞Attention! The picture below is a bit naughty! Do not say I did not warn you!🔞⚠️

But I have seen things here that were worse😅

Something naughty happens on the desk 🫣

You can find the template I used here

As a certified xenos-supporter and lover of sexy space robots, I still get lots of Primarch-info through osmosis. Although it is probably weird info, so here are the first facts I think about for each of them.

Lion

- beard

- his kids are a damn mess

Fulgrim

- snek

- demon sword

- Griffith we have at home

Perterabo

- cunt

- hates everyone except Magnus apparently?

Khan

- imposter syndrom

- put him in charge

Russ

- hates magic except when his kids do it

- murder for daddy's approval

Dorn

- has a blankie from his grandpa and that's adorable

- likes walls

Curze

- blood pits

- needs a shower

Sanguinius

- perfect boy everyone loves

- died to give us 40k Christmas

Ferrus

- divorced, beheaded, died

- the hands are necrodermis akshually

- ate sand one time

Angron

- all of the Primarchs have the right to punch Big E in the dick forever, but Angron gets to go first

Guilliman

- spreadsheets

Mortarion

- abusive childhood even by 40k standards

- moth?

Magnus

- hot nerd with beautiful titties

- did nothing wrong the best he could with the information he had

Horus

- stabbed real bad one time

- toxic polycule

- kind of shocked at how little I know given he had a whole Heresy names after him

Lorgar

- Bible camp nerd

- Big E blew up his planet and he was way too okay with it

Vulkan

- big hugs

- perpetual? For some reason?

Corax

- hates Lorgar

- that's really it

Alpharius

- killed a custodes one time and nobody cared

- secret first primarch

Omegon

- bald

Inshallah he will be stirred into a fine fry

A delicious meal