OOP GOT ME AGAIN. OH NO. WHATEVER SHALL I DO. ACCENDING CURRENTLY

OOP GOT ME AGAIN. OH NO. WHATEVER SHALL I DO. ACCENDING CURRENTLY

A soft spot.

Cregan Stark x Targaryen!reader

Summary: During the celebration of the birth of Rhaenyra's son, the reader meets the Starks.

A/n: I have to stop writing shit that can make a great series if I ALWAYS FORGET TO WRITE THE SERIES WTF but anyway. I'm gonna tryyyy to write at least one more part to this

Masterlist

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The second the great Lord Rickon Stark saw her, he knew she could've been a Stark in another life. He just knew it.

But she wasn't. She was the Targaryen Princess.

…

With the birth of Princess Rhaenyra's fifth son, Viserys II, the King threw a celebration. A proper tourney, feasting, and the most important: the lord's vowing their alliance to the family once again.

One by one, each Lord was expected to step in front of the intimidating Iron Throne to vow to both Viserys and Rhaenyra to protect the newest addition to the Targaryen line.

Y/n Targaryen stood idly by with her family between her brothers, Aegon and Aemond. 

She and Aegon had always been close, their teasing and playful personalities often getting them in trouble. Aegon had always wondered what would have happened if Alicent had betrothed him to her instead of Helaena. 

He leaned down and whispered to her, "Which lord do think is shitting his pants right now?"

Her brows furrowed as she looked at him, but he only smirked and motioned for her to look. 

She looked over the crowd, her eyes pausing on a particular man that was sweating profusely. An unexpected chuckle came from her throat. She slapped a hand over her mouth to hide it. 

Aemond let out an annoyed scoff and glared at her. "Control yourself, sister."

She cleared her throat and nodded. But still she bit her lip to keep the smile from growing. 

The next Lord moved forward and began to speak to the King and Rhaenrya.

Aegon smirked and leaned down again, "I mean really, do you think he's ever seen a real person before?"

A loud giggle left her mouth, echoing through the throne room. 

Pure silence followed, every head turning in her direction. 

Her cheeks turned a bright pink when her father gave a stern look. "Apologies, father. It will not happen again."

King Viserys shook his head in mock annoyance and turned his attention back to the Lord in front of him.

When everyone's attention returned to the throne, she sent her elbow into Aegon's stomach and he let out a grunt.

Lord Stark stood not far from the royals, a smirk on his face the entire time.

…

That night, Lord Stark managed to speak to the girl. His northern accent was thick as he spoke, "Your brother seems a right cruel one to get you in trouble, eh?"

The princess turned to him, "I'm sorry?"

"No, pardon me," He took her hand and kissed it as expected. "'m Lord Rickon Stark of the North."

Her eyes lit up. "Lord Stark, yes. Thank you for journeying so far."

He chuckled and shook his head, "'Tis nothing if it is for the King. I've come for every celebration of every royal birth. Even yours, Princess."

She smiled. "That was some time ago, my lord."

"Indeed."

A voice interrupted them. "Father."

"Ah, my boy," Rickon patted his back firmly. "Princess, this is my only boy, Cregan."

Her eyes met Cregan's, getting lost quickly.

He was a firm and gruff man, that much was obvious. Standing taller than his father, Cregan was built sturdier than the Wall itself, broad shoulders and a strong back hidden under his surcoat. The wolf sigil laid proudly on his chest, but her eyes didn't even journey that far.

"I… M… My Lord…"

Cregan looked between her and his father, "I apologize, princess, if I am interrupting in any way."

She shook the thoughts from her head, "N… No. No. You are not, I promise."

Rickon Stark's smirk grew into a grin.

Cregan nodded, "That is a relief indeed." He looked around before giving his full attention to her finally. "My father has journeyed here many times, but I'm afraid this is my first since I was a mere boy of 4."

"Four? And for what reason was that?" She asked curiously.

"The celebration of Prince Jacaerys' birth." He smiles, "That was many years ago."

"Yes," the words slipped from her tongue lightly as she continued to study the man. 

Silence lulled over them, but they did not mind. 

Cregan noticed her wandering eyes, and his head tilted as his soft grin grew.

Finally, she broke her train of thought again and turned, "Pardon me, Lord Rickon-"

Rickon had disappeared into the crowd without excusing himself, and the two hadn't even noticed until just then. 

Cregan let out an amused chuckle when her cheeks warmed with embarrassment. "My father has been most excited since we arrived here."

"For what exactly?"

"It's," he chuckled again. "It's an embarrassing tell, I'm afraid."

She shook her head, "Do tell me."

He crossed his arms in thought as his typical northern demeanor returned, "I shouldn't. It is not mine to tell, Princess, but my father's."

She hummed, disappointment flashing across her face. "Ah. I apologize. I should not pry at what is not my business to know."

He shook his head, "Consider us even." Then his head turned back to the festivities. "Do excuse me, Princess. It has been a pleasure to meet you."

"You as well." 

She'll remember how delicately he had kissed the back of her hand.

…

"Sister, you've been quiet all evening. It is worrying," Aegon grinned when she later sat at the high table. 

She leaned to him, "Perhaps because you made a fool of me earlier."

"You know it was all a jest of good fun," he sipped his wine, "Father wasn't even mad at it."

"We were supposed to be respectful to Rhaenyra and her child!" She rubbed at her forehead. "Perhaps you and I should not stand together during serious moments."

He scoffed, "Sister, if we did so, we'd never be seen together again." He took a bite of food and spoke, "This castle is only ever serious."

She finally grinned, "I fear you're right."

Her gaze looked out over the many tables, finally resting on the form of Cregan Stark. His back was to her, practically giving her nothing to note, but she continued to stare. 

Until her eyes wandered just barely past him to see Lord Rickon Stark looking back at her with that same knowing grin and twinkle in his eye. 

She froze before giving him a nod of her head in acknowledgment and then looked back down at her plate in front of her. 

This was going to be a long week.

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A/n: *rubbing my hands together like a little fly* the things I'm thinking yall

Taglist: @twinkletwinklenotastar, @kidd3ath,@yujyujj, @misswynters, @cosmosnkaz, @sithapprentice, @kaniromi, @lovemesomevesey, @its-jackie-bb, @8812-342, @thorins-queen-of-erebor, @kingdomzeldaquest @nyxbranwenn, @callsignwidow, @a1lexh-blog, @alyssa-dayne, @ethereal-athalia, @ashovertheriver

'IT WEEPS FOR ME' THATS FANTASTIC WRITING RIGHT THERE AHHHHHHH FILLED WITH SCREAMING IM FALLING IN LOVE WIRH CREGAN

Only you, pretty girl.

Cregan Stark x wife!reader

SMUT 18++++++

Summary: the reader is feeling insecure about herself. Is she worthy of Cregan? He'll have none of that.

Warnings: insecurity, disordered eating, unhealthy thoughts about food, oral (f receiving), fingering, just a lot. Read at your own discretion.

A/N: based on an ask!

Masterlist

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She stared at herself in the mirror as her handmaiden tied the last piece of her dress.

Earlier that day, the young Lady of Winterfell had ventured out into the city to meet with the various townsfolk. Passing by the brothel, one woman in particular began to say horrid things about the woman's weight, looks, dresses, and anything that could dig under her skin. 

And it seemed to follow her the rest of the day.

Now, back in the safety of Winterfell, she smoothed down the fabric of her evening dress. 

And every insecurity seemed to be put on display.

Was she too big? Too needy?

Was she worthy of Cregan?

"Lady Stark?" Her handmaiden murmured.

"Hmm?" She turned her head to the girl.

"I'm sorry, my lady, but you seemed rather scattered."

"Do forgive me. There is a lot on my mind."

"Perhaps I should get Lord Stark to escort you to supper?"

"No." She was quick to counter. "No. I… I actually will not be attending supper tonight."

"Shall I undress you then, my lady?"

She sighed lightly. "Yes. Yes, I am sorry."

It was the first night Cregan had ever eaten by himself since they had wed.

It reminded him of his life after his father's death. An empty table. The only sound was his fork against the plate.

He hated it.

…

"Good morning, pretty girl," Cregan whispered as he brushed her hair from her forehead. "Ready to break fast?"

She hummed contently, not daring to open her eyes.

He pressed a light kiss to her forehead. "C'mon. I won't eat by myself again."

When she did not move, his arms quickly moved under her, picking her up and into his arms as he moved off of the bed.

And when he began to leave the room with her, she put up a fight, "Cregan, stop."

He walked the two through the doorway and into the corridor.

"Cregan, I'm not dressed!"

"Don't care."

She began to wiggle in his arms, desperate to get down. Her playful tone was quickly lost. "Put me down!"

He set her down on her feet, confused by her sudden urgency. "My love, what-"

"I had said stop. You are not listening to me." She wrapped her arms around herself, trying to comfort the sudden exposure she was feeling. "I just have no hunger."

He sighed, "Forgive me. It was not my intention to-"

But his words fell on deaf ears as the door to their chambers shut with her on the other side.

Another meal alone.

…

He made another attempt that afternoon, finding a small sliver of time amidst his lordly duties to find his wife.

He entered the room where she and the other northern ladies met consistently at this time every week.

But they all looked up at him as if they were expecting it to be someone else.

"Where is my wife?"

"Dunno, Lord Stark," Lady Mormont shrugged. "Handmaiden said she wasn't comin."

Cregan's head tilted.

"What do you mean? Is she ill?"

She was not ill.

Not physically.

She had spent every second since her interaction with Cregan in her room.

More accurately, in front of the mirror.

Perhaps if she did more heavy lifting, she might be more muscular. No, that was not womanly. Perhaps just less food. Yes, less food will do.

Cregan threw the door open.

And though she jumped away from the mirror, he still saw what she was doing.

"Are you ill?"

"No. I mean," She looked at him. "Um…. Yes."

His brows raised, "Well? Which is it?"

"I just feel unlike myself is all."

He gave a small 'humph'. His eyes studied her intensely.

…

"When was the last time my wife has eaten?"

Her handmaiden stared up at him. "I dunno, my lord."

…

He had to practically beg his wife to join him for dinner.

And there the two sat in silence. 

The only sound was his fork on his plate once again.

Cregan slammed his fist down on the dining table. "What have I done?"

Her eye flick up to look at him, confused by his sudden aggression. "W…What?"

He forced himself to take a steady breath. "Have I angered you? Upset you? I don't understand."

She was albeit more confused than him. What was he talking about?

At her silence, Cregan continued. "You're not eating. Not as you should."

"'M not hungry."

"That's what you've been saying. I think it's rubbish."

Shit.

Her eyes widened and she stared back up at him.

"Y/n."

She only stared.

"Speak."

Another moment of silence.

"DAMMIT, GIRL!"

Her eyes watered immediately.

Cregan felt horrid. But he didn't know what else to do. So he double-down.

"TELL. ME."

She began to weep in her seat, hot tears spilling down her cheeks.

He stood up, knocking his chair onto its back with a crack that echoed through the hall.

The sound did nothing to stop him as he rounded the table, grabbed the armrest of her chair, and pulled it further out. He knelt in front of her. He sat silently, but his eyes spoke more words than he could count.

She only cried into her hands.

Cregan pulled her wrists away, then cupped her face with a strong grip. "I'm not understanding you."

Her face was pink with embarrassment and tears. 

"What has caused you such distress?" He tried one last time.

"Have you ever… ever wished to visit… the brothel?"

Cregan feels ice go through his veins. "What?"

She sniffles and puts her hands over his. "The… the brothel. Have you ever-"

"Quiet."

She immediately hushes.

"I've never had the thought."

"You can be honest with me, Cregan," she sniffled. "I will not fault you if you-"

"I said to be quiet."

She quieted again, staring at the man.

Cregan sighs and drops his hands to her thighs. "I have never thought about that, my dear wife. I've never wished it. Never wanted it. Now, tell me- What brought this on?"

She shook her head, still sniffling and hiccuping through the remainder of her tears.

"You know I've held no other thoughts in my mind since the moment I saw you," Cregan finally stated calmly. "I used to think of everything and anything all the time. And when you entered… I have no thoughts but ones of you."

"I'm… I'm not the prettiest of woman-"

"QUIET!"

"Cregan-"

"WHEN WILL YOU LISTEN TO ME?"

Her lips pulled into a thin line at his words.

"Just…" He stood up, his frame towering over her sitting one. He held his hand out to her, "C'mere."

She dared to take his hand.

The stubborn wolf of a man began to drag her through the halls of Winterfell, his pace quick and steady.

When they got to their chambers, he practically threw her onto the bed. 

He quickly pulled himself over her. "When are you gonna listen to what I have to say about my wife?" He growled in her ear. 

"Cregan-"

"Say you want this. Say you want me. If you don't, I'll leave you alone. But if I am to stay, there will be a change in you, and I'll make sure of it."

She nodded her head, "I can change, Cregan. I can, I promise-"

He scoffed, "Am I going to have to fuck some sense into you?"

She felt her thighs rub together, trying to hide how aroused it made her.

But he noticed. He smiled, "You'd like that, wouldn't you?" He nodded and pulled himself up a a bit more. "You're going to be quiet. And you're going to listen. You can only speak if you need me to stop. Understood?"

She nodded.

His smile grew into pure content. He leaned back over her, kissing her lips lightly. "You'll listen closely, yes?"

"Every word."

"Good."

His lips trailed down to her jaw, leaving kisses in the wake as he whispered, "Such a pretty girl. You're made for me, you know that? Made just for the Lord of Winterfell. You're mine, aren't you?"

She let out a soft whimper when he kissed a soft point on her neck.

He grinned, noticing her lack of response to his question. "Good. You're listening."

His arms pulled her up to a sitting position as he began to pull at her dress, sliding the fabric down her shoulders.

She moved to cover herself, but Cregan was quick. He grabbed her wrists. "Be good for me, my girl. I want to see you."

He pulled her small clothes with it to pool at her waist, revealing her breasts to him.

She turned pick at the way he stared at her.

His hand moved slowly up the side of one of her hips to the underside of her breast. His thumb made a soothing motion as he stared down at her.

"Lie down again."

She opened her mouth to speak, but she remembered his rule. So she laid herself down with hesitancy.

Immediately, Cregan moved over her again. He studied her eyes for any real hesitation.

They had laid together only two nights before. How quickly she had fallen apart.

Her body wanted it. He knew her as well as the back of his hand. But something in her mind was causing a hindrance to her. And he intended to find out what.

With the promise to stop if she merely asked, Cregan began to kiss down her neck once more. 

"Pretty thing." 

A soft moan escaped her throat when one of his hands began to caress one of her breasts. 

He grinned against her neck and flicked her nipple with his thumb, enjoying her reactions. 

But he quickly moved his hand and focused on where his lips trailed. 

A kiss to her cheek. "A pretty complexion. Color and all."

A kiss to her lips. "Soft, pouty lips to speak your mind, even when it is frustrating, as well as to kiss your husband."

A kiss on the the bridge of her nose, between her eyes. "Pretty eyes that are as rich as the ground they will lie our bodies in."

His head bent down, his nose pushing her chin up so he could lay a kiss to her neck. He felt her breath hitch. "You believe all that, don't you? I'll make you believe it."

A kiss to one of her biceps. "Arms that will carry our future child. It's a wonder I've not filled you with one yet." He smiled as he looked at her. "Don't fret. I'll change that soon enough."

He pulls her hand up to his lips. He kisses each finger. "Hands that do your bidding every day. Each one crafted to perfection."

He moves back to her chest, kissing between the valley of her breasts. She breath quickens in anticipation of his movements. He turns his head, kissing the underside of her right breast. "And you dare think you're not enough?"

He moved his head to the other side, repeating the action. He then sits up and stares lovingly at her breast. "My girl…"

He grins and moves down, finally giving her what she wanted as his lips begin to suckle on one of her breasts.

She lets out a whine, moving her hands finally to the man's hair.

"Our babe will feed from these breasts," he groans as he tilts his head up to look at her. "How will it do so if you do not eat?"

He gives the other attention, giving soft kisses to the side where stretch marks mar her skin before moving his head further down. His thumbs knead at the sides of her stomach. "And the child will be here. It already is. Just waiting. I'm trusting you to care for it. Can I trust you with that? With my future?"

She nods her head adamantly, trying to listen carefully but mostly drunk on his touch. 

"Good." He kisses above her navel.

He lifts her hips, pulling the dress down her legs and throwing it off of the bed. She laid bare before him. She wanted to be embarrassed, but she couldn't bring herself to.

His hands move to the underside of her thighs, pushing her legs up and his face becomes level with her slit.

"And this wonder. Gods, it weeps for me." His breath blows onto her skin, making her hiss. "Do you believe that one man and woman are truly made for one another?" He asked. "I do. I do quite fiercely. Look at you. Just the sight of you makes me feel things."

When her hands grip at his hair, he smirks and pulls her hands away. "Easy. You know I'll give you what you want. I'm almost there."

Cregan draws the moment out, making her whine. "I've never been a religious man, but I do believe I know a copy of the Mother when I see one and gods… I really do believe I have."

His lips press a gentle kiss to her mound. 

She gasps. 

She can feel his teeth pull into a grin at her reaction, and he pushes his face down to brush his nose over the nerves as his tongue darts out to her slit and begins to feast. 

"This taste," he moans. "I'll never get enough."

Her hips move to jerk, but he's quick to catch her, holding her in place.

"Cregan…" she groans."

"You want me to stop?" His voice muffles against her.

"NO, No. Don't… don't stop. Please…"

He replaces his tongue with two fingers, sinking them into her. "Then let me finish what I was saying."

When she closes her eyes at the familiar stretch, he continues. "Do you think anyone else can do what you do to me? You won't find one."

He mutters small praises as his motions continue, a third finger being added. "I wake up each morning to the thought of you. Of this. Of… being yours. Tell me you see that?"

Her whines continue, close to reaching her high.

"I savor each whisper and moan. Every tear is mine to wipe away. And if I could take each smile and treasure it, I would." His voice softens, "I would, sweet girl."

"Cregan, please…"

"I know. I'm almost done." 

His fingers continued but his other hand messaged at one of her thighs. "Strong legs to walk you around. Takes strength to keep them up now, doesn't it?"

"I… I'm so…"

"Do you think I want to see anyone else fall apart like this? Do you?"

She moans as she feels the bind in her stomach whined up. 

"Answer me this time, my girl."

A broken whine comes out of her throat. 

"Answer."

"N…N..no…no, Cregan."

"Good. I just want to see you. Repeat that."

"You just want… to…to see… see me."

There's a happy smile across his lips, "C'mon now."

She quickly comes undone, the snap in her stomach satisfying yet aching.

He coaxes her through it softly, his other hand massaging her lower stomach lightly.

The two stare at one another for a while as she tried to catch her breath. Finally, he spoke again. 

"Only you, pretty girl."

He pulled his fingers out, standing and grabbing the nearest material and began to wipe along her thighs. 

He threw the cloth to the side and hovered over her again. "This pretty body pleases me very much. Have you understood that now?"

She nodded.

…

Each night after that, they sat together and ate, no matter the location- the dining hall, their chambers, the woods, even once in the middle of the Winterfell Courtyard. They didn't care. 

It was only them.

Well, until a child swelled in her belly soon afterward.

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Taglist: @misswynters, @cosmosnkaz, @sithapprentice, @kaniromi, @lovemesomevesey, @its-jackie-bb, @8812-342, @thorins-queen-of-erebor, @kingdomzeldaquest @nyxbranwenn, @callsignwidow, @a1lexh-blog, @alyssa-dayne

I love them! I can't wait for Khargaad to beat Milo's ass.

PART 1 | PART 2

You started having the dream again. The disembodied eyes of your father floating in a black void. Just the eyes. Nothing else.

And for hours- and it really felt like hours- they would just stare at you. The eyes never moved, or blinked, or did anything other than hang in the air. But there was a terrible sense of dread when you looked into them. You couldn’t force yourself to look away.

And so that was why you had been losing sleep. You didn’t tell your mother that though. When she asked what troubled you, you made up some excuse to quell her worry. You could never tell her the truth; the truth that there was some piece of you left which never recovered. But guilt nearly destroyed your mother, and you couldn’t bear to let it fester in her any longer.

On Sunday you spread all of the ingredients the orc man gave you across your table. He didn’t even tell you the measurements. Your mother glanced down at you as she made her way to the root cellar. She stopped in her tracks, “By the Gods, are you making golden eggs?” You cocked your head at her questioningly. “Where did you find turmeric all the way out here?” She grabbed a pinch of it, “And so much of it too!”

“Uh-“ Your mother had a sparkle in her eyes that you hadn’t seen for a few years. She chuckled to herself, “Years ago. Many many years ago. There was a very nice orc family who lived just down the path. The wife taught me this recipe.”

Orc family? This was the first you have heard of an orc family. “You never told me you had orc friends Ma!” You jeered at her. She smiled warmly. “You hadn’t been born yet, of course you wouldn’t have remembered. Your elder sister loved playing with the little orc girl.” She reached for a jar from the cupboard and began concocting the mixture. When she was done the eggs swirled around in the vibrant yellow brine.

There was still turmeric left over, and your mother was so excited to show you how it could even be an excellent clothing dye. She took one of your more drab frocks got to work.

~

You weren’t used to feeling pretty. Sure, you knew you weren’t ugly by any stretch of the imagination. But to feel pretty? Beautiful even? It had been years.

But today, on regular Monday, you felt radiant. Your mother actually gasped when you stepped out of your room. You looked like a dream in the yellow shade your mother had dyed the fabric. She insisted on arranging your hair specially to go with the dress. “It’s just another Monday, Ma. Any more primping and I’ll be over-dressed.” The older woman sighed, kissing you on the forehead, “Fine go along now… before I start braiding daisies in your hair.” You giggled and practically skipped out the front door. Tucked in your basket was the jar of golden eggs.

The town square was nearly vacant, save for a few other shopkeepers opening up for the day. And then you saw the trio of orc men sharpening their arrows and adjusting the tension of their great longbows. You reckoned they were just about to leave for a hunt. Curse the Gods for your lingering gaze, but you made direct eye contact with one of them. You made direct eye contact with him. The orc you had bloodied and bruised the previous week.

Something (probably a lack of self-preservation) compelled you to start walking towards the bunch. If your mother could make peace with orcs, why couldn’t you? “But this isn’t a peaceful family with children, they’re trained killers, y/n…” You thought to yourself. The little muscle inside your chest was puttering away as you got closer. The two other hunting mates had started to notice your approach now. Your orc acquaintance had sort of a surprised yet dumb look on his face as you stopped before him.

”You didn’t write me a recipe, but you can thank my mother for knowing how to prepare these.” You extended the jar to him. His friends were snickering to themselves, and the orc just sat there staring at the contents of the jar. One of his buddies guffawed and whacked a big hand onto his back, “This simpleton can’t read to save his life… won’t be getting any recipes from him!”

You also held out the two silver pieces he had given you, and dropped them into his open palm. “And I can’t take these. Not after I injured you. Can we consider ourselves even now?”

“Khargaad, you didn’t tell us this was who the scuffle was with.” The other orc friend chuckled, “And look at that, not a scratch on her. Guess she won.”

Khargaad. Was that his name? Or was it a word in their mother tongue? He shot a venomous look to his friends, and with that they backed away leaving the two of you alone. “These look… like they’re supposed to,” He said in a tone of mild surprise. “Your mother… She knows other orcs?”

Was he trying to make conversation with you? “Um- Yes! Yes, it was a long while ago. They lived down the road from my family. It was before I was born, but they got along well from what I hear,” you replied. There was a deeply awkward pause before he glanced quickly at your dress. “Oh!” You gasped, “my mother taught me about this as well. The yellow stuff you gave me is an excellent clothing dye.”

“Yes, I know.” His tone was a little gruff. You felt foolish for telling him what he probably already knew. “Your name is Khargaad?” You blurted out. A hint of color rose to his cheeks, “Yup. Khargaad. And- um- what may I call you?”

”y/n,” you replied with a nervous smile. Silence hung over the both of you for a second. “Well, I’ll be on my way.” He said, turning on his heel to join his hunting mates. “Stay safe out there!” You responded. Your inner-self cringed, that reply was probably too familiar. He glanced back at you one more time before jogging to catch his friends.

~

The next day Milo found you sweeping outside the shop. “Why were you talking to those orcs?” He spat at you. You didn’t look up at him, “Just customers.” This technically wasn’t untrue.

”You don’t have orc customers”

”Says who. You?” You snorted at him, pushing the dust from the cobblestones onto his shiny leather boots. He yanked the broom from your grasp, “Why are you wearing that?” He hissed. You glared at him, wrenching the broom back from his grasp. “It’s none of your fucking business-“

“Let me buy you new dresses, y/n. You look like an orc.” You straightened a bit. “What do you mean?” Milo rolled his eyes. “It’s turmeric. They often dye their clothes with turmeric. It looks ridiculous if you ask me…” He trailed off. You were tired of this conversation, leaving him standing in the street. He didn’t bother to follow you inside.

The rest of the day was uneventful. You spent the last hour hammering some boards over the window still shattered from your target practice.

You didn’t notice Karghaad watching you across the square.

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Thank you to everyone’s sweet comments, and to those who wanted a part 2 😘

@kennedyabraxas123 @allthecraftandthings @sunndust @blushycadaver @whyiamadegenerate @beaniebaneenie @reads-stuff-quietly

I'm not screaming, crying, throwing up you are

Let Me Follow (Part 6)

AN: Phew! So this was fucking torture. I don't even know how to explain how hard it's been for me lately. Interaction on this site has been abysmal-and while I know we do this for fun, it sort of feels like I'm talking to myself sometimes. It's so hard to not take other people's success personally but I am trying! I have such a clear vision of where this story will go, and I have so much planned that I don't want to give up. I figured the best way to build up my self-esteem, build up my confidence was to go back to how I did it in the beginning, just write, and post. I've done my best to edit this myself, but it hasn't been beta'd. Hopefully, it pays off, enjoy! xo (enjoy the softness before the storm😅)

Joel Miller x F!Reader

Pairing: Joel x F!Reader

Word Count: 4K

Warnings: (18+ NO MINORS) angst, language, age-gap (about 10-11 years, legal, reader is of age), Yearning, post-apocalyptic world, piv sex (wrap it up!), the softest version of this Joel that I've written to date, Grief, panic attack / ptsd / nightmare

Let me know if I missed anything!

reblogs are appreciated

Masterlist Series Masterlist

It felt wrong to smile, almost silly. How could anyone smile with how things were in the world? With Johnny gone, with the pounding pain in the back of your head, with the effort and the hunger shredding a hole through your insides—you’d wipe it off your face. Had managed to keep it off for a long time, but then an animal had jumped onto the road and Joel’s arm had shot out in a protective gesture and it had creeped back in. 

“Looks like the rest of the way is on foot.” What had started out as a grinding noise, had quickly turned into dark plumes of smoke from the engine, filling the car with an acrid smell. “Shouldn’t be too far now, few hours.” His scowl was in place, but you saw it differently now–saw it for what it was. A mask, a representation of what this world did to you.

“We can manage that.” Ellie was grabbing her pack, helping Luke with the door before making her way towards the direction Joel pointed you all in. 

“Yes, we can definitely manage that.” You smiled at her, wincing slightly at the way your head pounded. 

“You okay, Sunny?” His hand lands gently on the side of your neck, turning your face towards his. “You can walk, right?” His hand sweeps up, prodding gently at the throbbing goose egg on the back of your head.

“Yeah, I’m okay, my head hurts like a bitch though. Need water soon.” His scowl seems so different now, it’s worry you see there now, instead of anger. He nods once, lingering for a moment before turning and leading the way. Luke doesn’t comment on the exchange, just gives you a small smile and follows Joel, but Ellie; she gives you a toothy grin and a thumbs up. 

Hours pass, thick trees give way to open space. A vast, beautiful landscape stretching out before all of you, seemingly untouched. Everyone is quiet, but alert as you all move closer to your destination. 

“How much longer do you think we have left, Joel?” Ellie is lagging a little bit, the hunger and thirst evident in her voice. 

“Shouldn’t be too much longer.” He turns to look at her, slowing down to let her catch up but he tenses at the sounds of horses just over the ridge in front of you. His gun flies up, but there are too many. Instantly you’re all surrounded by armed people on horseback, twenty people at least. “Get behind me.” He raises his hands in supplication, letting the gun fall onto his shoulder. “We ain’t lookin’ for any trouble, we’re just passin’ through.” 

“Drop the gun.” The person in front of Joel has a rifle pointed at him, a lot of them have guns pointed at the four of you. They have coverings on the lower halves of their faces, the one closest to Joel is yelling, and Joel drops his gun. “You-” He gestures to you, Luke and Ellie. “Take five steps back, separately.” 

“How about we just talk this through-” Joel starts to speak before anyone moves. 

“How ‘bout you shut the fuck up.” The man cuts him off, and gestures to the rest of you. 

“It’s okay, do what he says, we’ll be okay.” You nod at Ellie, moving away from Joel, your own hands up. 

“You been near infected?” The man asks no one in particular. 

“There’s no infected out here.” Joel responds.

“The hell there ain’t!” The man answers before whistling, from somewhere behind them another man emerges with a dog. “Last chance for a bullet, if you’ve been infected, he will smell it, and he will rip you up.” The dog barks, and your heart sinks. Ellie looks to you, big eyes pleading and you take a tentative step towards her, stopping when another of the riders points his gun at you. The dog makes his way over to Joel, sniffing at his feet for a moment before rising up, friendly. 

“Like I said,” Joel calls out. “We’ll just move on.” 

“Now the rest of you.” The man calls out, and the dog sniffs Luke, and then you, moving on lastly to Ellie. Your stomach drops and your hand inches towards the knife in your pocket but after a tense breath, the dog licks Ellie’s hands. You can’t help but take a deep breath in relief. 

“You just bought yourself more seconds.” The man doesn’t lower his gun. “What are you doin’ out here?”

“We’re just lookin’ for my brother, that’s all, nothin’ more.” A woman rides forward at his words, her dark eyes focused intently on Joel’s face. 

“What’s your name?” She asks him. 

“Joel.” He answers, and it’s the magic word. She gestures for them to lower their guns. “Joel Miller, right?” She lowers the covering. 

“Yeah, do I know you?” His voice is thick with confusion. 

“I know Tommy, come on, we’ll lead you to him. Give them a few horses.” She calls out the command to no one in particular, but they rush to obey her nonetheless. 

-

You ride with them, nervously clutching Joel where you sit behind him on the horse they gave him. 

“You’re okay Sunny, just hold on. Don’t squeeze your thighs.” He speaks low and you take a deep breath.

“Sorry, I’m afraid of falling off.” You tighten your grip on him, squeezing tightly around his middle. 

“I won’t let you.” He presses his hand to yours, reassuring you. 

It isn’t long before you arrive at a high wall, with people walking along the top of it. A giant gate is closed to all, until Maria–the woman on the horse gives a signal, and the giant gate opens up for your party. The scene that greets you just inside the gates shocks you into silence. It’s a town, a lively, inhabited, working town. People mill about a central high street, kids play and watch your party move through the street with curiosity instead of fear. 

It’s a lot to take in, working lights and shops seemingly open and in good condition, scaffolding and people repairing things–working together. 

“Tommy!” Joel yells out, startling you and you see one of the men on the scaffolding turn and look, rapidly making his way down while Joel dismounts the horse you’re sharing and runs towards him. It makes you smile to see and hear Joel so happy, to see him find his own brother and it makes you think of Johnny. 

I wish you could have seen this place, Johnny.

–

The food tastes too good to keep any semblance of decorum, instead you shove it into your mouth faster than you can chew it, breathing deeply through your nose in order to fill your belly. Maria and Tommy sit across from the three of you in what was essentially a town cafeteria–Luke had been taken straight to the town doctor and you’d all been assured he’d be fed. 

Joel speaks, Ellie argues, and you keep quiet. Tommy and Maria are an item, and if you had to hazard a guess, Tommy has been less than kind in his description of his older brother. There’s something in the air between them, Maria and Tommy, the two of them versus Joel. A look of judgement in her gaze and it raises your hackles. 

“The house across the street from us is empty, the one next to it too if you wanted your own place–” She looks at you but Joel cuts her off. 

“We stay together. The three of us.” He reaches over, taking your hand in his. Tommy isn’t the only one who’s found someone and it makes your heart soar to have him claim you openly like this. 

“That works.” She smiles politely, Tommy too. “How ‘bout a tour?” Joel nods, and you make your way out, with a full belly and a full heart.

-

The town is well and truly a marvel, the culmination of hard work, strategic location and the well oiled machine that is their patrol. They’ve managed to rebuild a functioning, safe town; full of most of the comforts the world had had before, only on a much smaller scale. You keep quiet as she guides the three of you through their little corner of normalcy, unable to stop yourself from noting where all of the supplies are kept, where the food stores are, how many horses are in the stable. 

There’s a tense energy flowing between Joel and Tommy, something unspoken in the air, an anger, a resentment and you can’t exactly blame Joel for his share of it. His brother has been here, safe and happy, with a purpose–content to leave his brother in the dark in order to protect what they have here. You can almost understand why, there’s something else though, something in the way Maria watches Joel that plants a seed of suspicion in your brain. Your suspicion deepens and if you had to hazard a guess, he’s told her some unsavoury things about the man you’d come to–what, love? The thought is sobering, you push it away. 

Maria suggests showing you where you’ll be staying, mentions getting cleaned up while she moves away from them, gesturing for the two of you to follow, and with a nod from Joel, you do.

-

The house was furnished from before, everything old and a bit dusty, but otherwise in good condition. Relatively clean, working lights, a hot shower. Heaven. You stay in there a little longer than necessary, too content in the warmth of the water to make it as quick as you’d planned. Your little trailer–although having served as an oasis by today’s standards–didn’t hold a fucking candle to this. 

You smile to yourself, picturing Joel melting in the warmth, his handsome face tipped back in unadulterated joy. It almost made you regret not waiting for him, almost. That first time Johnny had rigged up the trailer to catch rainwater and figured out a way to somehow connect the whole thing to a powersource and heat it, that same feeling coursed through you now as the steam filled the ensuite, only now it was painted with a bittersweet brush. You’d gotten good at pushing away thoughts of Johnny and what could have possibly–probably–happened to him, and you did it again now. You forced his breezy smile, his dumb jokes, the comforting piece of home that he’d been out of your mind and focused on getting clean. 

Maria had left some clothing for the three of you in the house, doing a remarkably accurate job at guessing what would fit and once dressed, Ellie had run out of the house, itching to explore. It served you well enough. It gave you time to rest and to regroup. It gave you a chance to think about exactly what it was you wanted to do now that something like this was an option. 

—

The house looks normal, really normal. Not just the normal he’s had to adjust the definition of the word to over the last twenty years, either. It’s just a house. It’s just a suburb, just a neighbourhood relatively untouched, by the ravages of the last two decades. A two-story home with good bones, a home he imagined could be stable for him, for Sarah. 

The thought of her forces the air out of his chest, punches it out of him with the force of a gunshot. He hadn’t let himself think about her in so long that it shakes him, freezes him where he stands on the porch like some sort of statue. It had been twenty years since he’d lost her, and yet he can still smell her hair in his nose, can still feel the weight of her in his arms, can still hear the sound of her voice and it breaks his heart all over again. He squeezes his eyes shut tight and lets the anger, and the hurt, the rage of his monumental loss pass engulf him.

His heart pounds in his chest, the blood it beats booming like a drum in his ears. His vision blurs as he stands there, terrified and bewildered, swaying as though caught in a massive wave and struggling to breathe. His hand shoots out and he braces himself against the wall of the house. He focuses on the brick under his hand, the grit of it digging into his palm. 

Breathe Joel, breathe. 

His lungs fill with air. 

In. Out. Repeat.

His vision eventually clears as he catches his breath, the pounding in his ears lessens and he finally feels like he can move his legs and after a few more steadying breaths, he leaves whatever the episode was, and the memory of his daughter on the porch. 

—

He groans as he makes his way up the stairs and you can’t help but smile, anticipation and excitement and a whole bunch of feelings you can’t, or maybe won’t name swirling in your gut as you wait for him to find you. The scowl is there when he finally opens the right door, his eyes burning into yours but there’s something else there too. 

“Everything okay?” You sit up at the sight of him, pale and no doubt clammy by the looks of him, “Did something happen?” The fear doesn’t creep, it slams into you. 

“No no, everythin’s okay. Just tired.” His eyes soften, but only a little. “You look…cozy.” He raises an eyebrow at finding you in bed, quite obviously cleaned up and relaxing. “Shower working?” 

“Yes, I am very comfortable. It’s a real bed, Joel—real blankets and a real house… lights and hot water.” You can’t help but gush, and smile and kneel up to speak to him, “go, go shower and get clean. Maria brought us some clothes, here—“ you all but crawl out of the bed and rush over to the dresser, grab him a towel and soft sleep things, hurrying to shove them into his hands. 

“Hold your horses, girl—where’s Ellie?” He quirks his head, listening for her.

“She’s fine, in the bedroom down the hall, she was passed out when I checked in on her about an hour ago. Now go! Get clean, mister.”

“Okay okay, Sunny, I’m goin’.” Both his tone and his smile are soft, “be right back.” He grumbles halfheartedly, but does what you ask all the same. 

He takes just as long as you thought he might, the hot water and steam casting its spell on him, just as it had on you. 

“Jesus Christ,” He looks so much softer than you’ve ever seen him, standing at the door in a loose shirt and some boxer shorts, holding his dirty pile of rags, “that was the best shower I’ve taken in years.” He sets down the pile before making his way over to the bed. 

“Life Changing, truly.” You smile up at him, giddy at the thought of having him here, safe and protected, in a real bed. “I had almost forgotten what it was like.” You move in a little closer as you speak, itching to snuggle up to him, but keeping your distance all the same. Despite his kiss, his open declaration in the dining hall, it wasn’t easy to forget being pushed away.

“The little setup you had was pretty good.” He must see the doubt, must see the way your fingers twitch with want and he makes the first move, pulling the blanket up and opening his arms. You crawl into his embrace with a toothy grin.

“Nowhere near as good as this.” You bury your face into the skin of his neck and inhale, eyes rolling into the back of your head when his clean scent hits you, “God, I love soap.” You all but moan it into his neck and he laughs, a genuine, deep rumble that fills your heart with something.

“Yeah I bet you do, I’m sorry about the state of me before. You smell pretty great yourself.” He wraps himself closer too, skimming his nose along any inch of skin he can reach and it’s almost as if the world outside doesn’t exist. This is the only thing that matters. Him, you, this bed—Ellie, safe in her room. 

“I scrubbed a lot, l probably took off a few layers of skin.” You run your fingers through his hair, basking in the feeling of his touch, basking in his voice and the soft caress of his breath against your skin. Ignoring the tiny little voice that warns he might change his mind later.

Stop that, just enjoy a good fucking thing here.

You scold yourself, bringing your focus back to him.

“Me too, reckon I needed it, bad.” His hands move from your back, up to your skull and you wince when he touches the goose egg. “Still hurts? I should go find Tommy, see if he’s got any painkillers for you.” He almost goes to move away and while your heart sings at his readiness to leave the comfort of this to take away your pain, your fingers dig into his back and hold.  

“Don’t you dare.” He laughs, and gets back into place.

“Yes ma’am, I’ll do it in the morning.” He takes another look at where you’d been hurt before tucking you close, and pulling the blanket up over you both. “It feels so strange to lay here, almost normal.” 

“I know, it’s almost too weird.” Your leg lifts of its own accord and hooks over his middle, “I have my knife on the nightstand beside me, but I almost feel like I should have it under my pillow.”

“I know what you mean, been livin’ in fear a long time. That doesn’t just go away after a hot shower and a good meal.” His hand comes down and holds onto your thigh, as though you’d both done this a million times, you smile into his neck. 

“Can we stay here?” The question has been there all day, burning a hole in the back of your brain and into the tip of your tongue, “Do you want to stay here?” 

“I don’t know, I don’t even know what I’d do with myself here.” You bite your lip at his admission, “If you wanted to, I would. I’d go wherever you go.” His tone is soft again, his eyes averted and you can see it’s hard for him to admit that out loud. “I know I’m hard to be around sometimes, but I’m tryin’.” His hand sweeps up your thigh as he speaks, giving himself something to focus on, ground himself with.

“I know, Joely. I can see it.” You lean in and kiss his cheek, pressing yourself closer to him, pushing past the lump in your throat to speak. “Once Ellie does what she needs to do, we can all live here.”

“We’ll have to see how that goes, her and the fireflies.” He says nothing more, and you leave it there.

A yawn slips out and before you’ve even finished, he’s reaching over and turning off the light on his side. His arms, the soft sweep of his hands on your skin, his voice in your ear and his lips at your temple all work their magic and lull you into a deep, dreamless sleep.

His whole body twitches, and that’s what wakes you up, bleary eyed and half terrified. You barely have time to rub at your eye with the heel of your hand before he’s moving again, his head jerking side to side and you call to him, but he doesn’t hear you.

“Joel, wake up,” you put your hand on his shoulder, softly, “Joel!” 

He lurches forward violently, his arms flailing in the darkness and you know he’s still in the nightmare, the terror bleeding through into reality for a moment before he realizes where he is. 

“It was just a bad dream,” you reassure him, keeping your voice soft and calm, “you’re okay, come.” You open your arms to him and even though he’s awake, he still takes a few deep breaths before moving. Whatever he’d dreamt, it had been bad. He breathes hard as he settles beside you, the sheen of terror shining on the parts of his face illuminated by the moon filtering into the room. “Do you want to talk about it?” You run your fingers through his hair, doing your best to soothe him. 

“I–” He frowns, opening his mouth, then closing it, and repeating the action a couple of times before answering again, “It’s just, everythin’.” He lets go of a big breath, and melts into the bed, melts into you. “I just, I dreamt somethin’ bad happened–I think. I don’t even know anymore.” his breath fans across your skin as he speaks, raising goosebumps in its wake.

“I get it,” You press your lips to his neck, “Happens to me too, sometimes.” 

The novelty of this moment isn’t lost on you, the stark contrast between when you first met and now would have been unbelievable to you back then.  

“First night in a real bed, and this is what happens.” He scoffs in the dark. The words are meant to be light, but he can’t hide the annoyance threaded in the tone.  

“Well, we could take advantage,” your thumb brushes against the plump of his lower lip, but you don’t push it further, “what do you think?” He almost doesn’t let you finish your sentence, instead his mouth presses against yours, forestalling any further conversation, and filling your stomach with butterflies. 

It’s almost embarrassing how fast your body responds to him, the trail his hands leave across your skin like an electric current. His palm skates up under the loose shirt and finds the weight of your breast, his thumb brushing over the stiff peak in sync with the groan he feeds directly into your mouth. You scramble to get closer, feeling the frantic energy in his hands and matching it.

It feels so fast, feels like just a moment before you’d been sleeping and not clamouring to eat each other alive. But it also feels so slow, like no matter how hard you both breathe one another in, no matter how quickly you rip off each other's layers, you cannot get close enough, fast enough.

It’s then that the realization hits you. There, on the edge of this bed that isn’t yours, but could be. It’s there when the layers are finally fucking gone, when your mouths are fused together but barely moving, when you’re finally fully seated and your aching pussy is stretched around the thickness of him. 

I love you.

His forehead rests against yours while you sit on him, snug, and tight, and wet. The two of you sharing each other's breath, the nightmare forgotten, or most likely repressed. You try to shoo the thought away and focus on the way he feels, on the way he fills you so perfectly. You focus on the hands that hold onto your ass, on the broken moans he breathes onto your skin.

God, I love you.

It pops up again, unbidden and you frown to yourself, trying again to focus on him. 

“What’s wrong baby?” His eyes are on you now, his frown a mixture of pleasure and worry. “Am I hurtin’ you?” He holds your chin so tenderly, it makes your heart ache.

“No, Joely, it feels so good.” You kiss him, relishing in the fact that you can, but it isn’t enough because he pulls away for a moment.

“You sure?” He cradles your face in his big hands and it’s a double edged sword. It’s everything you never thought you’d have, it’s comfort and belonging, but it’s also a void. A black hole you could fall into, and never crawl out of. It’s a weakness, a stupid, wreckless risk that this world no longer seems to have any space for. You can see it, the black pit of despair in his eyes, the trust and gamble it is to love another person and it shifts like the colours of an oil slick stain on concrete when it rains. From terrifying, to beautiful. 

“I’m okay, I promise.” You press a soft kiss to his mouth again, and lie to both him, and yourself.

---

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AHHHHHH I CANT WAIT!! I LOVE DARK ACADEMIA ROMANCE GOD I bet the smut is gonna be great

YOURE WORKING ON A HOGWARTS PROFESSOR JOEL AU?!?!?!?!?!?!

Okay 1. What does be teach? 👀

2. Are we, the reader, a student or like a teaching assistant? OR THERE FOR THE TRIWIZARD TOURNAMENT??!!

3. Do we get to find out what Joel's house was? (Slytherin post outbreak my headcannon, Griffindor pre outbreak)

4. Is it gonna be a series??? Please I need this

5. Are we still gonna have the outbreak? Or is it going to be set in Hogwarts excluding Potter plot or will it include plot beats similar?

I'm just very excited, you don't have to answer all if you don't want to ❤️❤️❤️

I am! I can share the moodboard 😊 He is the dark arts professor and he is very much a Slytherin, of course 🥰 Reader is the herbology professor, and she’s a Hufflepuff. So you can imagine he very much teases the professor and always gives her smug smirks as he passes her in the halls, brushing up against her arm. This will be pre-outbreak and will be in the Hogwarts world. I planned this to be a one shot! And I will say, he’s very much a tease in this one 🤭