Kristsingto - 🌀

bold of you to assume i’m within 10 feet of you

I hope you trip over your shoelaces

I hope YOU trip over my shoelaces

Kawi's Journey with Self-Worth and Pisaeng's Reassurance

I don't know how to put it into words, but there is something so nice about Pisaeng always sticking to his guns about what interested him about Kawi was simply that he found Kawi to be cute.

Yes, there are millions of cute people in the world, but it was specifically Kawi's cuteness that intrigued Pisaeng. There was no ulterior reason that he found himself into Kawi, there was no deeper meaning. It's not like Kawi needed to do something to prove himself worthy of Pisaeng's love (even if Kawi thought that he had to.) Instead, Pisaeng was, initially, simply attracted to Kawi and that had been enough.

It's a simple reason that I think that Kawi will always have to grapple with for the rest of his life, probably because even though he may have found a sense of peace and serenity in his life after all the time-travelling, he'll likely still have some minor struggles with his self-worth. Love is not a fix-all, and (again) like what I'm positive has become synonymous with @bengiyo's brand here on BL reviews, "There's no magical dick. It doesn't fix." Even if it happens to belong to Pisaeng. When you have low self-esteem and issues with you self-worth, even when you take the most pro-active methods of care to combat these ideas, a part of it will always remain. Some days will be more of a struggle than others. So while his relationship with Pisaeng will not magically fix insecurities, the fact that Pisaeng is there to reassure him is incredibly important. I really doubt that Kawi will ever be able to fully understand why it was simply his cuteness that attracted Pisaeng, but the constant reminders are necessary in his journey to self-acceptance.

Combine that with the fact that Pisaeng comes from an uber-rich (and political) family, and Kawi spent ten years dealing with very little self-worth, it makes sense that Kawi will never fully accept it, even ten-years down the line into their relationship. Yet, the fact that Pisaeng's answer remains constant and never changes into something deeper than he just found Kawi cute is so critical in allowing Kawi to rebuild his trampled self-esteem.

While I think that compliments like that could potentially come across as either insincere or even shallow, it does more good than harm for Kawi. He spent ten years alone, in his small apartment with no significant social connection and his last true connection (his father) dead. He was detached from human relationships and he placed higher value on what he could bring to the table, doing so he shattered his own self-esteem because he had a sincere belief that he had nothing good to offer.

Pisaeng's consistent and persistent insistence that he adored Kawi due to his cuteness, at a time when Kawi believed that he wasn't worth much, is so important in ensuring Kawi that becomes aware of the fact that human relationships aren't solely transactional. His presence doesn't mean that he has to offer more solely to be loved and particularly a recipient of Pisaeng's love. Pisaeng's answer serves as a reminder of that, even if it's not said or understood outright.

It's a subtle reminder, a reassurance of sorts, to Kawi that he has worth even when he's not aware of it or when he doesn't recognize it in himself. His worth isn't tied to material objects or titles that are expected in fully transactional, interested, relationships. Rather it serves its purpose by becoming a verbal notice to Kawi that for Pisaeng, Kawi will always be enough just by being himself, that he always finds him cute, and that's was enough reason for him to fall in love with him.

Kawi's journey consisted so much of learning how to live in the moment, of learning the importance in actually making decisions, because there's only one thing certain about life: time moves on with or without us. When we live in such a capitalistic society, we often tie our self-worth to our social capital, the achievements that we make, the people we know. In turn, we can end up neglecting and stepping all-over our self-esteem in the moments that we don't reach those "social tiers" and start believing that in turn we have nothing to offer. When you let yourself believe that you're worthless and time moves on, you end up being left behind.

Kawi is worth more than his accolades and job titles, more than any achievements that he may receive. His worthiness derives from his authentic self and who he is as a person. He's loved for being Kawi. It's enough for Pisaeng to find him cute, because Kawi is enough and will always be enough. That constant reassurance is critical in shaping Kawi, allowing him to find his happiness and peace in life. He's now surrounded by the people that he loves and who love him back. He's no longer alone.

Kawi is the worst, honestly

TLWR: Kawi sucks and episode seven told us exactly why.

We all know I love Be My Favorite, but the one point I love the most is how awful the show allows Kawi to be.

And before we try to defend our poor little meow meow, let's remember that Kawi knows he is the worst.

In fact, he repeats it all the time.

But episode seven honed in on why Kawi is the absolute worst.

Because Kawi IS the worst, so much so that he is even worse than Not, but it's not due to Kawi's low self-esteem.

The first reason Kawi is an asshole is because he only thinks about his future.

Others have mentioned how Kawi phrases wanting his dad alive because without him, Kawi isn't motivated to excel. It's not to simply have his dad alive, but because Kawi needs his dad to be alive. It's semantics, but Pear throws this in Kawi's face during the argument; Kawi has only thought about his future and not how his changes affect others. Even when Pear was left at the altar, Kawi went back to be the one to marry her. Kawi isn't present in the moment, which is the lesson he needs to learn, because he is always thinking about HIS future and how others will help him achieve that future.

The second reason Kawi is a jerk is because he doesn't think about anyone else's future.

This is different than the first reason because what happens when Kawi gets the future he wants? To Kawi, getting Pear, being a musician, and his dad being alive are all goals for him. He didn't think beyond that. One day, his dad will still die. Pear and him will break up. His career might not satisfy him. But Kawi never thought beyond that. Kawi never thought beyond this future moment for himself, and he certainly didn't think about it for others. Pear still wants a future beyond this moment, but Kawi has his ideal future and stopped moving. Pear wanted a present WITH HIM, but Kawi refused to keep evolving because he had everything he wanted.

The third reason Kawi sucks is because he isn't honest with himself.

This show harps on honesty, especially honesty with oneself. Kawi is oddly forthcoming about everything except his emotions. He offered up a lot of information to Pisaeng's mom, and when singing in the bar for the first time, he told the entire audience why he was going by Kawi instead of his full name. When Pisaeng tried to kiss Kawi, Kawi told him to be honest with himself about his feelings. When Pisaeng went to the gay bar to find answers, Max told him the answers were within himself. We see Pisaeng give the same advice back to Kawi in this episode in a full-circle moment. We've now seen Kawi, who blurts out everything, bury his emotions four times (the first night at the club, the beach club where he declared he was a virgin, outside the pink cafe where he told Pisaeng sorry, and now in front of the RV). Pisaeng has been there for each spell and had to take care of Kawi, so the common demeanor of Kawi's lack of honesty stems from Pisaeng and the feelings he has regarding him. The answer to Kawi's issues have always been within him. He likes Pisaeng.

But the biggest reason Kawi is the worst (even worse than Not) is because he isn't honest with others.

Pear knew Not was seeing both her and Kwan, but Kwan said Not wouldn't even admit they were together. Even if Not didn't tell Pear, she had years of practice in seeing the obvious.

Kwan has always liked Not. When he gave her the book then gave Pear one, she was sad. Not has always liked Pear, which is why he gave her the book and wanted to embarrass Kawi. The crumbs were always there.

Pear commented to Kawi back in university that he and Pisaeng seemed like they had been friends for a long time. Not questioned Pear about Kawi's sexuality. Pisaeng told Pear about Kawi's dad needing surgery and texted Pear about his emergency surgery instead of Kawi himself. Pear didn't need Not to admit to being with Kwan because she never needed Kawi to admit his feelings for Pisaeng. Mostly when it's so obvious to everyone else what is happening since the crumbs have always been there.

But Kawi continues to bury the confession. He tells Pisaeng how much he needs him and how much Pisaeng brings to his life, but he won't admit what matters.

When Kawi showed up to the beach and broke down in front of Pisaeng, Pisaeng asked him if he was still not over Pear. Kawi, who immediately reached out to Pisaeng when he needed comfort, who had been spiraling not being able to talk to Pisaeng, who demanded Max tell him where Pisaeng was, who if he was being honest with himself would have known this wasn't about Pear but about not having Pisaeng next to him, has even Pisaeng convinced that the feelings aren't really there.

Which is why Pisaeng lied.

Pisaeng saw those messages. Pisaeng knew Kawi needed him, but Pisaeng, a rich boy who is living on the beach out of an RV which implies he has distanced himself from his mother and her control, is tired of not being honest and has already had to take care of Kawi in all his moments of drunkenness which all included some raw confessions from Kawi. But how can Pisaeng trust a person who only says he's sorry when he is drunk? How can Pisaeng believe a guy who only kisses him when he has been drinking? Not to bring The Eighth Sense into this, but as Ernest Hemingway said, "Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut."

Kawi wants to get in the water, but doesn't want to get wet. He wants to do everything with Pisaeng, but doesn't want to admit they are in a relationship. He wants to kiss Pisaeng, but he wants Pisaeng to give him an out each time. He wants Pisaeng to know how much he loves him, but doesn't want to tell him. He wants Pisaeng to always be by his side without committing to him, so it's ironic that he yells this at Not.

Because the simple truth of all of this and what really hurts everyone is Kawi could change.

Kawi could be better.

We saw Kawi's future in the form of a good dad but a terrible person. Pear's dad admitted to drinking a bottle of wine a day. Pisaeng's mom immediately offered Pisaeng a drink to pacify him, but he refused because Pisaeng, who now lives in an RV on the beach, wants to live an honest life unlike the others who know they aren't well, yet can't seem to change for the better.

Kawi could change his present for the better, but he only cares about his future. Kawi is so focused in a future that he already lived that he continues to miss the point about being present. Instead of waiting in the past to see how events unfolded, Kawi jumped to the future. Instead of Kawi being honest about his emotions and how they are evolving, he focuses on what he he used to feel. Kawi is so focused on how the past affected his future, that he doesn't realize the only place he needs to be is the present.

Kawi shouldn't have jumped back to the future. Kawi shouldn't have shown up to that wedding. And Kawi shouldn't have gone to Pisaeng.

Because Kawi is the absolute worse when he tries to make the world fit into his predetermined idea of what his perfect future looks like and how his past influenced it instead of just allowing himself honesty in that moment.

Kawi can't change the past with the idea of changing his future in mind. He needs to change his present for the sake of changing himself regardless if that is the past or future. He needs to focus on the moment regardless of where the moment is.

Pisaeng's drunk kiss on his wedding day exposed this vicious cycle between them of holding onto an idea for years until it destroys them, but, hopefully, Kawi will see that hiding their real current feelings behind plausible future excuses only hurts them.

Moving Forward

Every week, I make some wild ass theory about this show, and every week it goes in the opposite direction since this show has been unpredictable.

Because this show is telling us we need to exist in that moment, not the future.

The show will end how it ends regardless of how I want it to end.

Much like Kawi is learning, we have to be present, and we have to be patient.

Because good things come to those who wait.

Sidenote: There is only one this week because this is the only one we need.

🌘 𝐜𝐲𝐜𝐥𝐞 🌒

One of the things that's frustrating about bmf in the best kind of way is how it alludes to the future without giving us the full story

Like when pisaeng comes to kawi's house after running away from his wedding and he's got an injured cheek you wonder who did it. Was is pear? Was it pears dad? We'll never know

And then in the recent episode 8 where pisaeng pulls away from the kiss and tells kawi he needs to stop doing this we have to wonder how many times it happened? How many times did pisaeng give kawi and easy out like he did the first time?

All these allusions make these futures feel like real, like they are fully fledged existences that kawi (and us the audience) have been dropped. These futures are given weight to them, given complexities. the writers have taken the time to really flesh them out, even the parts we don't see, even the parts we'll never get to know, even if the future stops existing once kawi returns to the past