I Want To Talk About This Panel For A Second, Ok.

I want to talk about this panel for a second, ok.

“Get a fresh start, young man”.

not you can, not you will, not can you— but get. Because Akaza can. And Keizo belived that he would. He is telling Hakuji to go and do it, that he is capable, that from here it’s only forward.

Do you guys realize what a crucial thing this was to say for someone just barely 18, who lived a life of constant pain and never knew anything but having to fight for his life? Do you guys get that hearing that someone believes in you even when you are literally in the pits of hell, fighting and no one is left to support you because you’re a lost cause—> not even you believe in yourself—> but then comes someone who not only believes in you, but also helps you begin a new life, even though both of you know you won’t be able forget what you’ve done or fully atone, you can still grow and become a better version of yourself. Keizou was more than a mentor for Hakuji, he was that person who kept him from becoming a worse being than a demon. He kept Hakuji’s heart alive, he kept believing in him even after the centuries of Hakuji forgetting his teachings, bloodying his style and murdering hundreds—> Hakuji didn’t even fully forget everything because even then, he was motivated to be stronger, to be different. While his hatred from humans stems from the poisoning of the well and the murder of the people he loved, I think that it also came from himself; he hated himself for being weak, for failing, for being unable to adhere to his master’s wishes, for becoming a weakling himself. He wanted to kill himself all along. Hakuji truly believed he deserved to die because he failed each person he loved, but again, at the very end:

The person who believed in him, the person who loved him, that person is here to believe in him again—> and to remind him that he is first and foremost, just a kid, a son, a student who has so much to learn and can still do it. He can’t teach him any more or change what Hakuji had done, but he can still watch over him. And I think that that silent support, that hand on his head, those words: that’s what keeps Hakuji clinging to life and to what ultimately makes him unapologetically himself. Hakuji, someone who has been abandoned all his life, gets to hear that was never truly alone: he always had someone watching over him. But feeling alone, convincing yourself that you’re all alone, fighting against the world all your life—> those are not easy things to let go of. That’s when Koyuki comes in.

I want to note that Koyuki was the only one who held his head up rather than pushing it down, which is a great way to show that she was the one person who never failed to keep Hakuji up and kicking. Notice how she doesn’t want him to bow for her. She wants him to look at her—> to be leveled with her. She was the one person who never pushed him down. She was the one person who he failed, but she never let him down and never blamed him for it. She only wanted him to see that he did enough for her and she loved him regardless, that she appreciated him, that he could stop. He could live. He could he happy. She believed that he deserved happiness, so she smiled at him and helped hold his head up. She never wavered, she is like her father. Do you guys understand what it feels like to be alone for so long that you forget what it’s like to have people acknowledge you? Do you guys understand how lonely and desperate Hakuji had to be to kill 67 people? How angry he had to be at losing the only people in his life who believed in his ability to be good? How fed up with the loneliness he had to be to say “I don’t care anymore”? Do you guys understand that he never had a fighting chance until Keizo and Koyuki?

I need you all to understand that all Hakuji wanted was to love and be loved without consequences. Without suffering. Without being alone.

All he wanted was to know that he was loved.

He had people on his side.

He didn’t have to be so alone.

He didn’t deserve to be so alone.

His father killed himself for two reasons: one because he believed that he was a burden, and two because he believed that his son would not change if he still had reason to act out. He did not believe in Hakuji the correct way, but his intentions were well meaning. Even if he had given up. Keizo kept fighting for Hakuji, Koyuki did too, because no matter what, he is a son first. He is a student, and he is a lost boy who never had any real guidance or support, but that hand on his head and that smile that he could only remember when he was punched in the face. His memories were brought back by the pain for having to remember, of having to own up to it. But the pain is okay. Hakuji is okay, and he can finally be at peace with the people he loved because he understands that they were never angry with him in the first place.

They were just sad to see that he lost his way.

What matters is that he found it again, maybe not in the ideal way, but he found it. And he found them. He found them in his heart again where they had been pushed back by centuries of rage and drive for power, hunger for strength for them.

He found his way, he found his family and he found those who loved and believed in him.

Even in the end, because no one truly is alone.

Nectar love | {HakuYuki}

Theme: Floofy angst

Note: I have only written these two once it's practically illegal atp (and technically it was AkaYuki not HakuYuki...)

so i must write them more

×××

It was a mistake. A big one. But what would go wrong? What, when her health was improving so perfectly, when his strength was growing, when...

Then she was better, she was well. She could stand, she could run, she would do whatever she minded. For a moment then, Hakuji wondered. He wondered if, now that he had no use, they would throw him out. Tell him to go find a life for himself, by himself. He was nearing eighteen, after all. 

Yet they welcomed him. They allowed him to stay, they encouraged it. They wanted him there. 

Wanted. It was a strange word. To be wanted. Nobody had ever wanted Hakuji before. He was troublesome, he stole things and helped with nothing. He inflicted fights, was explosive, nobody had ever wanted that. But Koyuki, Keizo. They... wanted him.

So he stayed. He got engaged with her, with Koyuki. He loved her. He truly did, with all his being. He promised to be at her side always, to hold her hand, to bring her flowers. He would be there for her, he would protect her from anything that would try to hurt her, he would do anything for her. 

His father's grave sat in a desolate graveyard. It was the only one in the town, people rarely cared much to bury the dead. They were tossed aside, left out to rot. But Hakuji had dug this one himself, used his own hands and lifted his father slowly into the hole, patting down the dirt. He had carved the rock he had set there painstakingly, had nestled it above his father's head, bringing flowers for him from time to time. 

Sometimes he would bring the flowers he'd gotten for Koyuki, once they had wilted slightly. He didn't like putting things to waste, liked using everything until it was no more. So he put the flowers on his father's grave, letting them mix with the dirt, freshening it. 

He brought fresh flowers this time. White and red, ceremonial colors of a wedding. He placed the bundle neatly on the grave, sitting down in front of it. He clasped his hands together in a quick prayer before speaking, telling his father of his upcoming marriage. He was ecstatic, feeling like he could finally, truly be content with his life. He felt like he could live, now. And be happy about it.

He rose as the sun set, intending to find more flowers for Koyuki. He found a field, picked the prettiest of the flowers. But even the most beautiful, most precious of the roses lost their petals and wilted eventually. Even angels like Koyuki died.

The flowers were no longer newly picked, but he still gave them to Koyuki. He had spent hours carving out hers and Keizo's grave markers, redoing them if he made even the slightest mistake. It was his fault, after all. It didn't matter how many times it took, this had to be perfect for them. It was the least he could've done.

He wound the flower's stems around each other, creating a crown. He placed it on top of the stone, on top of the grave which held his dear Koyuki's body, nestled in the earth. Tears blurred his vision and he couldn't think. Couldn't fathom what he had done wrong, why the world kept taking from him. If he was destined to be alone. 

Rage overtook his grief as suddenly as one could express and he sought to find those who had taken the last two people he could ever care for. He fought blindly, letting the hot, red, boiling anger guide him. Until he stood admist the bodies of those who had wronged Koyuki, those who used jealousy as a justification, those who had killed the two most perfect people in the world. They were selfish people. But then again, so was Hakuji. Despite somehow avoiding the consequences of his own stupidity, he still cursed the world as if he was the one being hurt. 

He alone should've been killed. He should've left Koyuki and Keizo alone, should've respected his father's wishes to not steal. All of it was his own fault. All of it.

×××

« Word count: 1239 »

well that took a lovely turn (i loved writing this a lot oml)

Some of my favourite Muzan fanarts are those where his human self "meets" his future self

artist: @gywjd3

artist: @kawasemi500k

artist: @gimgiyak

Tengen: I think I’m coming down with something. I’ve been so nauseous lately

Rengoku, seriously: Maybe you’re pregnant

*they sit there in silence for a moment*

Tengen: I don’t know who’s the bigger idiot. You for suggesting that, or me because I almost had a panic attack

Sniffsniffsniff