1. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Being Human (1994)

1. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Being Human (1994)

EDITING NOTE: I didn't realize until a week after I posted this that I grossly miscalculated the Screentime Percentage. I'm sorry for that oversight and the correct SP is now posted in the review.

Our first review is here! 🎉

Being Human is our inaugural Ewan McGregor movie review and stars the late, great, Robin Williams.

Funny enough, if this movie came out ten or even five years later then I would have put it in the "guest appearance" category and not written a review. That's how small Ewan's role was lol. However, I felt that it was only fair to start with this one because....this is Ewan's first ever movie role! That's right, you'd be forgiven for thinking his first movie role was in "Shallow Grave" but his career started far more humbly lol.

Movie Review: Being Human is about a soul, Hector, that we watch be reincarnated into five different lives over the span of centuries. He lives as a caveman, Roman slave, Scotsman, Portuguese man, and finally, a modern family man. Throughout his lives, he experiences hardships and must decide how to handle them, though he doesn't always make the right decision. He also crosses paths with a couple of other people from his past lives. This movie is veryyyy slow. It's two hours of literally watching someone live their life no matter how mundane some moments of life are. However, the movie is also heartfelt and feels strangely nostalgic even though I never watched it growing up. I also really like the concept of the soul reincarnating and getting the chance to redo past mistakes. Watching this movie a second time definitely made me appreciate it more and the beauty that lies in a life simply lived.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays a character named Alvarez who has been shipwrecked with Hector. He has a whopping three, that's right, THREE lines! His character is not integral to the story and if you didn't know he was in the movie then you probably wouldn't even notice him. He looks much older than his actual 22 years as well, especially considering how he looks in his next project "Shallow Grave."

Screentime Percentage (the numbers here have been rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 2/122 minutes making his SP a lowly 2%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is this movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? Absolutely not. Is the movie worth watching? Yes, though the slow pacing is not for everybody.

Conclusion: Being Human is a quiet and contemplative film about life, our place in it, and how our love can span lifetimes. If you're a fan of Robin Williams and you have two hours to spare then I would encourage you to give it a watch. I rented the movie through YouTube which was the only place I could find it online.

P.S. if you do decide to watch the movie and just want to see Ewan, his first appearance is at 1:6:30 and last at 1:19:42. You can also watch one of his speaking lines on YouTube posted by the account Ewan McGregor Vault (where the image below is from).

2. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Shallow Grave (1994)

To celebrate Ewan McGregor's 53rd birthday I think it's only fitting to review his movie debut!

First, a couple fun facts about this movie. Shallow Grave will turn 30 years old on May 16th this year! 😱Also, this movie was released 10 days after Being Human which was our first review and had Ewan's first big screen role.

Alright, let's dive in!

Movie Review: Shallow Grave is a Drama/Thriller directed by Danny Boyle and also written by him and John Hodge. This was a movie of firsts. It marked Danny Boyle's debut as a feature film director, John Hodge's first screenplay, Ewan's big screen debut, and the beginning of a close working relationship between the three men. The reason I'm calling this movie Ewan's debut even though he was in a movie before this is because he was just an extra in that movie. In this one, he plays a leading role. The movie also stars Kerry Fox and Christopher Eccleston. Shallow Grave is about three friends living together who come across a large sum of money when their new housemate mysteriously dies. In deciding to keep the money, they have to outwit the police investigating the death, protect the money from others looking for it, and eventually, protect themselves from each other. The protagonists are all assholes which makes for a unique viewing experience because you're not necessarily rooting for them to win. This movie is vulgar, violent, and has lots of blood. There's a couple frontal nude shots and for those that like Christopher Eccleston, an ass shot. You also get to see Ewan in drag which is a plus in my book. Unfortunately, I think there's a brief depiction of blackface (not by Ewan) which shocked and greatly disappointed me. It's a blink and you'll miss it moment but let me know if you see it or if my eyes are playing tricks on me.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Alex Law. Like the other characters he is a grade A asshole and majored in sarcasm. Damn if he's not pretty though. His character is integral to the plot this time. Ewan does a phenomenal job playing Alex and I think the casting directors knew what they were doing because his good looks definitely help you forgive his more rough personality.

Screentime Percentage (All numbers are rounded to the nearest whole number): Ewan has a grand total of 41/93 minutes making his SP 44%. If that still sounds low to you, keep in mind that his previous role was an abysmal 2%. Trust me when I say that when you watch the movie for yourself it will feel like he's in every scene because he's so connected to the plot.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is Shallow Grave worth watching for Ewan content alone? Yes yes yes! From the fantastic haircut, the super 90s outfits, the underwear shots, the drag, the post fight scene, and more! There is enough Ewan content to satisfy your soul. Is the movie worth watching in general? Another resounding YES! You can easily classify this movie as a Psychological/Thriller. I've watched it several times and find something new while also being left with more questions.

Where to Watch: Shallow Grave is currently uploaded for free on YouTube through the account "deejay bains". Just search "Shallow Grave 1994".

Conclusion: Shallow Grave is a passion project made by some plucky nobodies without a clue that it would start their careers down the path of success. It's charming, gripping, and has some good comedic moments. I would encourage you to watch this movie with friends. It's a fun time and will have you on the edge of your seat.

7. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: The Pillow Book (1996)

Genre: Erotic/Romance

Rating: Un-Rated

Director: Peter Greenaway

Starring: Vivian Wu, Yoshi Oida, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: "The Pillow Book" is an erotic film about a woman, Nagiko, who has a fetish for men writing on her body. What started as an innocent tradition of her father writing on her for her birthday, evolved into an obsession with finding the perfect calligrapher / lover. Nagiko also aspires to be a writer like her namesake, Sei Shonagon, the author of The Pillow Book. After she is rejected by a book publisher who sexually assaulted her father she instead decides to walk the path of revenge.

Ewan Review: Ewan McGregor plays the character Jerome, a bisexual English translator. He is chosen by Nagiko to help with her revenge unbeknownst to him. He is completely nude several times in the film, has a female and male love interest, and sex scenes with both of them. He has an English accent for the movie and has a couple lines in French and Japanese. Another fun fact: you might notice that he's pretty slender in this role and that's because he was in the process of losing weight for his role in "Trainspotting".

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 28/127 minutes making his SP 22%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is this movie worth watching for Ewan content alone? Yes! Did I mention the nudity? Is it worth watching in general? I say yes. I know this movie won't be for everyone. It's a weird story, highly erotic, and has slow pacing. Still, I enjoy it and wouldn't dissuade someone from watching.

Where to Watch: "The Pillow Book" is currently available to rent through YouTube.

Movie Warnings: There are some things that happen in the movie that you might want to be aware of before committing to watching it. Nudity nudity and more nudity! Women and men are naked and yes that includes seeing their genitals. There are a LOT of penises in this movie. There's blackmail via sexual assault as well as a suicide scene, skin cutting, blood, and defiling of a dead body.

Conclusion: The Pillow Book" is a beautiful work of art. Though it is a weird story, it's also interesting and captures your attention. Though it's highly erotic, the eroticism adds value to the story and isn't there just for shock. And while the pacing may be slow, it allows the viewer to absorb information and appreciate the visual storytelling. I encourage you to open your mind and give it a chance. Like Nagiko, you just might learn something new about yourself.

The Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage (EMSP) List

I thought it'd be helpful to make a list for the movies that I've reviewed so far. I will update it as new reviews are posted. Unfortunately, I'm not yet able to add links to direct you to the full review. The letters EMSP stand for " Ewan McGregor Screentime Percentage" which is how long he spends on screen in a given movie. It is ordered from his highest screentime percentage to lowest. I hope this helps those looking for a new Ewan movie to watch!

1 Rogue Trader (1999): 69% (65 / 1 hr. 34 min.)

2. Nora (2000): 56% (60 / 1 hr. 47 min.)

3. Trainspotting (1996): 55% (52 / 1 hr. 34 min.)

4. Nightwatch (1997): 51% (52 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

5. A Life Less Ordinary (1997): 51% (53 / 1 hr. 44 min.)

6. Eye of the Beholder (1999): 47% (48 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

7. Down with Love (2003): 46% (47 / 1 hr. 42 min.)

8. Shallow Grave (1994): 44% (41 / 1 hr. 33 min.)

9. The Serpent's Kiss (1997): 42% (44 / 1 hr. 46 min.)

10. Moulin Rouge! (2001): 40% (51 / 2 hrs. 8 min.)

11. Brassed Off (1996): 24% (26 / 1 hr. 47 min.)

12. Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the Clones (2002): 23% (33 / 2 hrs. 22 min)

13. Blue Juice (1995): 22% (22 / 1 hr. 39 min)

14. The Pillow Book (1996): 22% (28 / 2 hrs. 7 min.)

15. Nothing but the Truth (1995): 21% (21 / 1 hr. 41 min.)

16. Velvet Goldmine (1998): 17% (20 / 1 hr. 58 min.)

17. Star Wars: Episode I - The Phantom Menace (1999): 17% (23 / 2 hrs. 16 min.)

18. Little Voice (1998): 14% (14 / 1 hr. 37 min)

19. Doggin' Around (1995): 11% (10 / 1 hr. 29 min.)

20. Emma (1996): 11% (13 / 2 hrs. 1 min.)

21. Being Human (1994): 2% (2 / 2 hrs. 2 min.)

Twins?

Movie: The Island (2005)

Character: Lincoln Six Echo

Oneshot/Ficlet

Word Count: 382

Synopsis: Lincoln Six Echo encounters twins for the first time.

A/N: I am thinking about making a collection of oneshots for this character centered around his first experiences in the real world. Maybe call it “Firsts” or something. I also want to challenge myself to write a fic once a week so that I can improve my writing.

Lincoln Six Echo was taking a morning stroll on his local park’s walking path. His best friend, Jordan Two Delta, was still asleep when he left the house. Although they normally did everything together, he loved how peaceful she looked while sleeping and didn't want to wake her. He breathed in the fresh morning air and smiled at the joggers that passed him by. At the Institute, the clones participated in daily morning exercises. The harsh overhead lights and frigid air conditioning of the Institute could never compare to the soft glow of the rising sun and the cool gentle breeze of the outside world.

He then saw a woman walking towards him and pushing two large connected chairs with wheels. A "stroller" he remembered learning from Jordan Two Delta who loved talking to mothers at the park. Each chair seated a young child and as the woman drew closer, he noticed the children were dressed in matching outfits. Oh, Jordan is going to love hearing about this! He smiled at the woman and then realized that the children weren't just dressed the same, they looked exactly the same!

"I have never seen a clone this young at the Institute before. And the Institute was destroyed weeks ago, so where did she get a clone?" Lincoln wondered.

The woman smiled back at Lincoln and he stopped her before she passed him.

“Excuse me, ma’am! Your-your child has a clone. How is that possible?”

The woman looked dumbfounded at Lincoln, then at her children, then back at Lincoln before bursting into laughter. “You know what?” She laughed, “I've never heard twins called clones before but I guess they technically are! I'm going to start saying that just to mess with people. You have a good day, sir! And with that, she continued on her way.

Lincoln was just as confused as he was before but he didn't want to chase the lady down for answers. "Twins, she said. Is a twin like a clone but not a clone? What is the difference?" Lincoln pondered. If only McCord was still alive. He always had the answer. Maybe Jordan could help him understand.

"The more I learn about this world the stranger it seems." He thought. Lincoln shook his head and started back home.

9. Ewan McGregor Movie Review: Brassed Off (1996)

We made it to our last movie of 1996 and boy, is it a good one!

Some fun facts before we begin!

Pete Gunn has a minor role in the movie as the character Simmo. You might remember that he worked alongside Ewan in the movie "Blue Juice"!

While the movie takes place in the village Grimley, the story is actually inspired by the mining village Grimethorpe whose pit was closed just three years before the movie released.

The Grimethorpe Colliery Band performed all the band numbers in the movie.

Ewan's character plays a tenor horn in the band. I think it's a fun fact because when Ewan was a teenager, he played the French horn!

Genre: Comedy/Romance

Rating: R

Director: Mark Herman

Starring: Pete Postlethwaite, Tara Fitzgerald, Ewan McGregor

Synopsis: "Brassed Off" is about the 1980s pit closures in the United Kingdom. It takes place in Grimley, a coal mining village, that is next on the chopping block to have it's colliery shut down. The village is also home to the Grimley Colliery Band which has existed for 100 years and the characters are all part of. But with the possibility of the pit closing comes the possibility of the end of the band for good. Band leader Danny (Pete Postlethwaite) challenges the men to fight one last time to win the National Brass Band Competition in London. When Gloria (Tara Fitzgerald), a former resident of Grimley, makes a surprise return to the village, she joins the band and sets out to bring hope to the weary miners.

Ewan Review: Ewan plays the character Andy Barrows, a coal miner and member of the local band. Andy is initially excited to be reunited with Gloria as the two had a former romance. However, when he learns why Gloria has been keeping her return a secret, he becomes unsure whether he can trust her or if they were ever meant to be. Ewan wears an earring in this role and speaks with a Yorkshire accent. His character is broody so expect a lot of scowls which is a change of pace from his many smiley characters. He has an implied sex scene and a makeout scene. His acting, along with the rest of the cast, gets an A+ from me!

Screentime Percentage: Ewan is on screen for a grand total of 26/107 minutes making his SP 24%.

To Ewan or not to Ewan: Is the movie worth watching for Ewan alone? No. He already doesn't have much to do in this movie and he's part of an ensemble cast so the story is spread out over several different characters. Honestly, I found myself more interested in other storylines than his. He's good when he's on screen and is nice to look at but this just isn't a Ewan content heavy role. Is the movie worth watching in general? Absolutely! This movie has an amazing story, the actors have great chemistry, the music is phenomenal, and you get to learn in an intimate way about an important time in history. I can tell you that before watching this movie I didn't know anything about the miner strikes or pit closures. Now, I'm reading up on the history!

Warning before watching: There is a suicide attempt scene.

Where to Watch: "Brassed Off" is available for rent on YouTube, Fandango at Home, and Amazon Prime Video. You can also watch it for free on soap2day.

Closing Thoughts: This movie so creatively weaves together a story of anger, depression, and hope. The characters are fleshed out and feel real. You hurt for their plight and root for their fight. The movie has a bittersweet ending. I applaud the director, Mark Herman, for sharing with the world the harm done to the miners of the U.K. and their perseverance through it all.