Mamadoc - Virginia (VTAK)'s Rookie Fan Page

Hey there, I’m slow to post on here, but I posted the fifth chapter of my current Chenford story, Worth the Wait.

The outline of this story has 3 acts. The first and second act have a decent amount of angst (but no major character deaths). The third act is full of happiness and dreams coming true. If you’re not ready for angst right now, please protect your mental health and read some other fluff. But if you’re up for lots of angst with a happy ending, please read and enjoy the ride.

Here’s a segment of the story to pique your interest.

Ashley was staring mindlessly out the window most of the time, lost in thought. But Tim had a plan to make the trip back more interesting than just driving the 5 through the middle of California. He remembered a conversation they had had a while ago about wanting to drive along the Pacific Coast Highway. So, he navigated them around Monterey Bay where they stopped to see some sea lions. Then he drove her down to Big Sur to see Bixby Bridge and the gorgeous scenery there.

As they approached San Simeon, he stopped at the elephant seal colony to watch them flopping around awkwardly for a while. He offered to take her up to Hearst Castle, but she declined and gave him a funny look. I must have remembered that wrong, he thought to himself. Next, they stopped in Morro Bay to see Morrow Rock and watch the sea otters living their best life in the kelp just off the shore.

While they were in Morro Bay, Tim picked up some lunch, and they found a spot along the ocean to sit and eat. As he was eating his cheeseburger and fries, he said, “Well, is this trip down the coast as good as you thought it would be?”

Ashley squinted at him. “I mean, I love looking at the ocean,” she said hesitantly. “And seeing the marine animals along the way has been… interesting.”

Tim furrowed his brow at her. “But you told me a while ago that you always wanted to take this trip along the coast. We talked about what we would see and where we would go. I know we talked about going all the way north to see the redwoods, but if we end up living up there it would be easy to go another day. And you really wanted to see the otters and elephant seals and sea lions, right? You said otters were your favorite marine animal.”

She tilted her head and looked at him for a moment. “Actually, I hate seals and sea lions. They’re bossy and invade huge sections of the beach. Plus, they are so stinky and loud. Otters are fine, I guess. We don’t have issues with them in LA. But if I could find a beach where seals and sea lions weren’t an issue in California, that’s where I would prefer to be.”

Tim scrunched his brow in frustration. He knew they had had this conversation. That’s why he had researched all the vista points along the way to make sure that Ashley could see everything that she had wanted to see.

“Maybe you’re thinking about a conversation with Genny? Did she want to take her kids to see all the animals?”

“No. We talked about going to Hearst Castle, too, and Genny’s kids wouldn’t have enjoyed that.”

“Hearst Castle? Huh. That kind of thing doesn’t really appeal to me either.”

It took him several minutes to realize who had had this conversation with months ago. He remembered talking about making the trip together and all the things that they would see along the way. He even remembered searching for the best restaurants in the area. Then a light bulb flicked on in his brain.

Lucy.

It was Lucy that wanted to take this trip. Lucy that wanted to see all the marine animals and Hearst Castle and Bixby Bridge and the rock formations in Big Sur and the famous Pebble Beach tree. The whole conversation rushed back into his mind. They were at a stake out one night, and she just kept going on and on. But it kept both of them awake, so he just let her talk. And, not one to enjoy sitting idly, he had joined in her search for the best things to do and see and eat along the route.

Once he realized the mistake that he had made, he became quiet and focused on eating his food. Ashley noticed the shift as his posture and facial expressions changed.

After a few more minutes, she said softly, “It was Lucy, wasn’t it? You had planned to go on this trip with Lucy. She was the one that wanted to see all of the things you took me to see.”

Tim looked over at her in surprise. He didn’t have to say anything for Ashley to see the truth on his face.

“I think I’m done eating,” she said. Then she stood up and walked briskly away from him.

Tim quickly gathered the rest of their food and threw it in the nearest trash can. Then he jogged to catch up to her. When he found her a minute later, she was vomiting behind a shrub.

“Ashley…” he started, but she held up her hand to silence him.

When she was done throwing up a minute later, she took a wipe out of her purse to clean her face and hands. Tim had his mouth open, eager to explain himself, but Ashley glared at him. “I think I’d like to go home now. No more stops.” Moving quickly, she navigated back to Tim’s truck.

Crap.

He’d really screwed that up royally. How had he managed to think it was Ashley who wanted to take this trip? For a moment his mind imagined how excited Lucy would have been to see the sea otters rolling around and playing with each other or the elephant seals barking and rolling over each other or the extravagant and beautiful rooms at Hearst Castle. But he had to suppress those ideas down as far as they would go. That would never happen now.

Now he needed to focus on mending the tear in his relationship with Ashley. He jogged after her and helped her into the truck. The last two hours of the drive were in complete and heavy silence. The tension between them was palpable. Tim had tried to apologize several times, but Ashley wasn’t interested in hearing it.

They had to stop a few times along the way for Ashley to throw up. But when Tim offered to help or asked if she had her nausea medicine, he only got a stony glare in return.

When they made it to her apartment, he had to run to keep up with her. He tried to follow her into her apartment, but she turned around and blocked the entry. “I just need some space right now. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Ash… Please. I’m sorry. It was an honest mistake. Really. Both of you really like the beach and the ocean, and I must have just mixed it up in my head.”

Ashley scowled at him. “How many of your coworkers have you ever gone on a trip with?”

He was surprised at the question. “Uhhh. None.”

“But you planned to go on this trip with Lucy?”

“She was just talking in the shop on a stake out. We didn’t… We weren’t going to go as a couple. And it’s not like we were actually going to do it together. We were just talking to stay awake and fill up time. At least, that’s what I think I remember,” he said as he thought about it harder again, his brow furrowed.

“See,” she said, pushing her index finger into his chest. “This is exactly what I’ve been trying to get you to see. Lucy was way more than your gopher or your partner to you. She probably still is.”

“She was my friend,” he said defensively. “You know that. But I did what you asked me to do. I haven’t talked with her since she visited me at the hospital. You already blocked and deleted her number on my phone. I don’t know what more you want me to do. I…”

“Save it,” she said abruptly with a fire in her eyes. “I…” she started, searching for words to match how she felt. “This is why I asked you to end your friendship with her. You two together…” She was at a loss for what to say and just stood there for a moment with her mouth open. Then she shook her head and said, “I… I just need some time alone. Don’t call me. I’ll call you when I’m ready.”

Read more here:

me, quietly whispering to the ao3 page of an author who doesn’t even know I exist: I am obsessed with you

One thing I'm noticing in some of the fandom reactions to this breakup and the aftermath is that the characters have been put on a pedestal and are being judged against some pretty unrealistic standards. They get raked over the coals for every single mistake. I've seen it with both characters but recently I've seen it the most with Tim.

Don't get me wrong, in no way am I condoning his current behavior. He's made multiple mistakes and he's broken Lucy's trust and her heart. He absolutely needs to be held accountable for all of these things and he owes her an apology and that adult conversation and a whole lot more if they're gonna be able to be together again.

But what he's doing right now, his imperfect actions as he navigates this period of his life... it's very human. This is a man who is at rock bottom, and when you're drowning in the weight of your own trauma like he is, you often don't have the strength to see beyond that and understand how your actions are impacting the people around you. He's not being cruel (which, by the way, implies intentionality to one's actions) by breaking up with her or denying her that conversation. He's drowning.

He truly can't see that she's *not* better off without him. He can't see how much he's hurt her, and that he continues to hurt her with his actions. I don't even think he could answer her questions right now about why he did what he did, because he doesn't fully understand it himself. He can't see anything beyond his own lack of self-worth. Right now, expecting him to be able to fully comprehend what he's done and why is completely unrealistic.

Now, does this excuse his behavior? Absolutely not. But it does explain it.

And the thing that's bothering me the most is the posts saying Tim doesn't deserve Lucy's forgiveness. This is a man who has completely fallen apart but is finally taking the first steps toward healing. Shouldn't he be given a chance at redemption before being written off as unforgivable? And shouldn't Lucy be the one to decide whether to forgive him?

Again, I'm not defending his actions. He has a lot of work to do on himself and he has a lot of work to do to gain back Lucy's trust. It's not going to be easy. But to say he doesn't deserve forgiveness without even giving him a chance? That's pretty harsh. He doesn't deserve to spend the rest of his life being defined by his worst moments. No one does.

Do you truly think they will get back together?

I really do, anon! With some other couples my answer wouldn’t be so confident, but Tim and Lucy have proven before that they have what it takes to make it through this.

Let’s start with Tim. Yes, he’s in a really bad place right now. But he’s shown us (and Lucy) over and over again that he’s able and willing to change. Every single time she’s called him out on his behavior, he has eventually accepted responsibility for it, learned from it, and changed it. Already, in the aftermath of this breakup, he’s accepted that he needs help. I fully anticipate that he will reach the point of being able to understand and accept what he’s done and take responsibility for it as well and work to make sure it doesn't happen again.

He’s also earned Lucy’s trust before. At the beginning she didn’t trust him at all - justifiably, given how volatile he was. But as he healed, he became someone she could trust on the job. And eventually outside of the job. She’s seen him change. She knows he’s capable of it. And I think once they’re communicating better and she understands what triggered him to walk away from her, she'll also be able to see that he's putting in the work to ensure he doesn't stay in this place where he might make the same decision again. With that understanding and seeing the changes, she'll be able to begin rebuilding trust.

And let’s not forget (something @timandlucy pointed out to me earlier) that Tim forgave Isabel. She disappeared, stole from him, lied, and cheated, yet Tim was willing to forgive her. He knows what it's like to be in that position. And again, I think once he’s in a better place, he’s going to understand that Lucy now has to do what he once did and that it’s not going to be easy.

Along those lines, let's talk about Lucy. From day one, it's been made clear that empathy is a core piece of who she is. She understands that people make bad decisions when they're in a bad place, but that this doesn't define who they are as a person. She’s understands why people do the things they do. She believes people can change, and she believes in second chances.

And even though right now she doesn't fully understand how deep Tim's issues run, she still knows him. She knows he struggles with his feelings and she knows he carries trauma that he hasn't dealt with. She knows he sometimes makes irrational decisions guided by his heightened emotions. She knows he struggles to ask for help.

But she also knows his heart. She knows he cares deeply. She knows he's willing to do anything for the people he loves (even if it's not actually the right thing to do). Tim is so scared of her finding out what he did and who he is - but the thing he can't see is that she already knows who he is. He says he can't give her what she needs, but again, she knows that's not true. Maybe right now he can't, but he is capable of it and she knows that, too. He just needs help getting to that place.

Is winning her trust back going to be easy? Absolutely not. And I don't want it to be. Lucy has every right to be hurt and angry and protective of her heart. She has every right to set boundaries and demand an adult conversation with him. You can be empathetic without being a pushover.

It's not going to be an easy journey and it's not going to be a quick one. It's gonna take a lot of communication and vulnerability and emotional maturity. But I really truly believe that once they can overcome these issues, they're going to be so much stronger.

(Sorry, that may have been a much longer answer than you were looking for. Long story short, yes. I do.)

This was so sweet. But also broke my heart a little bit more.

Happy Birthday

Love,

Kojo