Vent (TW)

Vent (TW)

Tw for: SH (self harm), Animal Death, PTSD (vague talk of it), Talk of blood tests (brief)

So, this week has been kinda stressful, I've been waiting almost a month to get my T prescription. I got approved, we did a blood test. We sent it the first time, they sent it back, that's normal. We sent it a second time and they sent it back again, and also wanted a blood test to prove that my current Testosterone levels warranted the T prescription in the first place, so I had to do yet another blood test. And now I'm waiting for the word on that blood test. It's very frustrating honestly. And unfortunately today I got triggered pretty bad so I'm having bad PTSD tonight, and I keep getting freaked out and shaking and just not feeling safe. And on November 2nd my dog, who was my absolute entire world and who made my life better in every single way, was hit and killed by a car. He didn't even get to turn one yet. Losing him has probably been the worst thing ever to happen to me, and every bad thing is a million times worse without him here. And i also relapsed recently, again, so now I've only been clean 15 days, which really sucks. And there's even more stressful stuff but it requires more context than I want to give this little blog.

I just kinda want to non-sexually please someone right now, maybe give them a massage or make them a snack or drink, or just curl up beside them because they want me close, or perform any other little task they ask, and recieve some gentle pats to my head and a "You're such a sweet, good boy" as they stroke my hair, y'know?

Update on This Blog

So, I know that almost all of the posts on here at the moment are horny, but im actually a Grey-Ace guy, which means that I experience horny like maybe 4% of the time? And then outside of that i have no interest in it, so, the majority of this blog will actually probably be various venting. I'm really really sorry if this disappoints anyone!!!!

That being said, expect a vent post right after this, sorry.

What the fuck it lives

Yeah, I'm posting for the first time in a century, been on T for about a month now, which is pretty swag. Still no idea what the fuck this blog is though lmao

First Writing Thing (Sort of a hurt/comfort/reassurance thing I wrote for myself) CW for Small PTSD Attack and hints to SA Trauma

(Gender Neutral)

I felt the familiar nausea and pain creeping into my chest, I tugged a little at my shirt and they understood what was happening. "Kitten, is it okay if I touch you?" They asked gently, I gave a slight nod, still feeling the nauseous panic but trusting them to not hurt me. They gently pulled me closer to them until I was in their lap, softly humming as they stroked my hair and then whispering softly "You're safe here, Kitten, I promise he can never hurt you again, you're safe" their words were soothing and helped me to calm down just the slightest bit, nuzzling against them a little. "I'm sorry, I ruined it again, I really thought I was ready this time-" I choked out, tears pricking my eyes and softly falling down my face and onto their legs. They gently tilted my chin so I was looking into their eyes "You didn't ruin anything, Kitten, you tried and you're not ready and that's okay, I don't need sex, or anything sexual at all, in order to love you" They gently stroked my cheek and I leaned into it making them smile softly. "I'm still sorry" I breathed out quietly "I feel like you deserve more than someone who's been-" I looked down and away from them as I whispered softly "damaged, used, broken" They sighed and sternly said "Kitten, you are none of those things, and you are so much more than what happened to you, so please don't base your self worth on what that selfish bastard did to you, okay?" I nod, feeling exhausted and cried out as they gently pet my hair once more as I let out a small yawn. "Alright, bed time sleepy kitty" They say gently as they hand me one of my stuffed animals and pull the covers back enough for us to slip inside, them first and then me right after, face pressed against their chest and curled up in a little ball, eyes drifting shut to a final "Goodnight Kitten, love you"

thinking about how badly i need someone to tie me down and force me to just take whatever they want

edging? yes please

overstimulation? god, i need it

just need to forget everything for a while and have someone else make all the decisions