For Years Diplomatic Relations Between Humankind And The Araari Peoples Have Been Stymied Time And Again

For years diplomatic relations between humankind and the Araçari peoples have been stymied time and again as phrases intended to convey the pleasantness of the weather or beauty of the Araçaran territories inspired immediately negative and often violent response. Thus, it may come as no surprise that comparative ornitholinguiphonologists have discovered the ‘rosetta stone’ of the Araçaran, Tupi, and Portuguese languages was in fact created by a foul-mouthed prankster. Above, a Collared Araçari at the 2010 Accord is aghast at the suggestion her spouse... well, it was bad, trust me.

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Whimbrels have a generally mutualist hygienic relationship with several species of small crab. Acting as ‘cleaners’, the small crustaceans will use their nimble and gentle pincers to remove and devour small parasites that have attached themselves to the Whimbrel throughout the course of the day. In return, the bird usually does not eat the crab. Sometimes they do though, because hey! free snack.

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Moz Crithagra is the mastermind of the Midwinter Coup, an event which nearly led her country to ruin. With the stated goal of responsible stewardship “of birds, by birds, and for birds,” Crigathra’s reign was marked by mass executions of ideological opposition and pogroms of humans unseen since the rule of Jacobin Cuckoos. She is currently serving several hundred life sentences (both concurrent and consecutive) and is ineligible for parole at Hua Mei Ornithopenitentiary.

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Unfortunately made extinct during the despotic reign of Fulgencio Batista, the Gallo Cubano (G. gallus cubanensis) was the primary beast of burden on the island nation of Cuba. Standing an impressive fifteen hands high at the furcula, these tireless animals were nevertheless destroyed by the score in order to force human laborers to exhaust themselves in their work. By the time revolution swept the island, what few remained were devoured as the only available source of food.

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Perennial hoodlums, Red-winged Blackbirds have finally broken the Law of Gravity. While it is easy enough to simply grip tightly to their perches from now on in order to prevent slowly drifting away, this remains quite an inconvenience for daily flight as these playful scamps need a crash course in orbital mechanics in order to navigate. Above, a Red-winged Blackbird crawls down a Cattail in order to reach water.

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These questions (and a dozen more besides) all ignore the fundamental truth I have been trying to convey ever since I started this blog. Birds are not a monolithic entity and thus you cannot make blanket statements regarding motives or goals. Yes, there are some birds who want to take over the world. However, there are other birds dedicated to stopping that from happening. While visiting New York I made sure to visit the Hua Mei Ornithopenitentiary, where some of the most notorious songbirds are held prisoner for their crimes. Originally built to house solely Hua Mei, it was renovated in the mid-1990′s to accommodate a wide variety of criminal birds. Next week I’m going to profile three of the birds imprisoned therein, so stay tuned!