Towards A Method To Avoid Getting Played: In Which Are Discussed Four Tips

Towards a Method to Avoid Getting Played: In Which are Discussed Four Tips

We've all run into it at one point or another: he seems just as excited about you as you are about him, at least until the following day/week/month passes. Do you wonder if he was playing you? There are ways you can find out, and we're not using phony psychology or trying to guess from the color of his pants, but before we examine these methods, there are a few things that should be borne in mind. First, sometimes he's just not into you, and that's okay. The process of dating is supposed to be about finding out whether you're into someone, and he doesn't have to apologize for his feelings (neither do you, by the way). What matters is that you were dealt with respectably, that you were called or sat down and explicitly told that he's not as interested as he thought. That's respectable, especially if you don't have to elicit this honesty by asking. However, everyone has a story of a batshit nut job who just couldn't take no for an answer. Honor his honesty with a little grace and make a safe environment for him to say what he feels. Trust me, you'll avoid a lot of drama. Second, maybe he really is legitimately busy when he says he can't hang out. I workout four to five days a week, attend school full time, wrestle twice a week and volunteer my time, some weeks I really am just too slammed to hang out. I'm hardly unique in that regard, and you should be considerate of the fact that this guy probably has a life that he was managing before you came along and that all that didn't stop just because he's excited about you, and he may indeed be excited. With those things mentioned, let me make a third point: some dudes are jerk wads. No way around it. However, there are ways that you can find out within the first few days or weeks and so doing reduce the unpleasantness when your excitement turns out to be founded on un-solid ground. Let us turn to four tips that can help you avoid getting played, some of these are habits for you and some things are things to look out for in him. Never Try to Meet Anyone New Between December 1st and February 25th Believe it or not, there are still guys who believe in Christmas miracles and Valentines Day Providence. The relationship between depression and romantic desperation surrounding these holidays is well documented, and you'll do well to give the entire period around New Years Eve a miss. Similarly dubious are the few weeks leading up to Pride in your city. Allow a good 3-4 because while winter boys may be clingy or indeed completely unhinged, Pride boys are going to assess you based on how much of a party you can make their Pride weekend into. You're neither a psychologist or a cruise director, so be on guard for the demands of boys around key holidays. 2. When You Meet Him, Make a Special Point of Getting His Full Name Today, it's harder than ever before for someone without a thoroughly paranoid mindset to be a player. Guys like to Facebook and tweet and instagram and grind and a4a and blog, and they broadcast a remarkable amount of information about who they are, what they're doing and who they're with to the Internet. Voluntarily. With his full name, throw a few keywords into google, like what city he lives in. Chances are good, especially if he has an unusual name, that you're gonna get his social networks on the first page. You might even get a google images result. If you're not on his twitter or Facebook, there's a very good chance that he assumes, whatever his content settings, that you can't see what he's saying. Indeed, a twitter account is a gold mine of date-time stamped public access material that can tell you if he was excited about a boy when you took him out or if he was when he told you he was too busy to meet up. If he's on grindr or a4a each time that you look (granted this requires you to log in as well) then maybe he's not as excited as you- he is after all seeing what else is out there. If you feel dubious about the things he's saying to you, don't give the benefit of the doubt. Eliminate the doubt. 3. Don't Trust Anyone Who Claims to Value Honesty This is a common dodge. If you seem like you're on your guard, the player will attempt to assuage your better judgement by commenting on his strong traditional value set such as honesty and commitment. Take such comments with a grain of salt- or a whole bag of salt, that might be better. Assume that all such assertions are lies until you can observe his behavior and judge for yourself. Only by checking your enthusiasm and allowing a longer courtship to play out can you ever hope to find out if someone is trustworthy, simply because they say so is very much a red flag. The honest guy will just be honest with you and not bother to mention it. 4. Bitchy Friends are Red Flags With Mouths Judge your prospective by the company he keeps. You want to meet a nice boy? Chances are good that he'll have nice friends. The bitchy friend will reveal himself or herself within the first hour of meeting them. They'll express vindictiveness, a callous disregard or even contempt for others (particularly wait staff), or a streak of bossy aggression a mile wide. If you find one of these in a friend of his, be suspicious. If you have the misfortune to find them all, punch out. "Maybe he has to hang out with them because they work together," you may say, or "he's fallen in with a bad crowd." Banish such logic from your mind. Whatever crowd he's fallen in with, he chose to fall in with them. Some aspect of that group- maybe it's the exclusionary parties they throw or the way they treat service staff like dirt- appealed to your prospective enough to make him want to spend significant time with them. Indeed, it's been found that people often spend time with aspirational models, people they want to be like one day. Consider how that reflects on him, and don't dismiss the red flag just because you're excited. I'm sure I sound like a paranoid pessimist after all that. I am paranoid at least, but where being treated respectfully is concerned, you can avoid a little caution and prudence when choosing who to spend your time with. Life's too short to get mixed up with someone who doesn't see you as the grand prize, and there's no point wasting any more time than you have to figuring out that he's not the right guy for you. Spend some time with friends, have a happy Pride, and good luck meeting a nice boy ;)

Indulged

I laid me down and gazed into the crown of summer sky, and for a moment caught a glimpse of heaven in my eye.  I sat up, stretched and felt the breeze across my sweating brow and looked across the field of grass, breathed a lazy pleasant sigh.  I laid back down and wrapped arm round a warm and clear-eyed guy and asked who under blue stained-clouds was happier than I.

In case you are angry about Uganda but need pointers on writing congress

You'll need to do some editing, but here's what I'm spamming congress with this afternoon. I'm not shying away from high formal English here, this is a serious matter of human rights and it calls for the gravitas of full force vocab. Be sure to use appropriate formats, the correct address at the beginning of a letter is Representative or Senator, and you'll wanna use your name in the closing salutation. You'll also want to remove the bits about being a gay vet who lived under DADT if that doesn't apply. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ I write to you deeply troubled by developments in Uganda. We've provided nearly 100 million in military aid to a country that is preparing to repress my kind in ways that would make the DADT that I lived under while serving in Iraq look clement. I do not believe in the clear distinction between police, military and paramilitary forces in the Ugandan security scheme, given the UPDF's composition, and I urge you with all alacrity and resolve to move to cut military aid to this country if they choose to turn their security forces on my people with the passage of this draconian and inhumane law which allows for decades long prison terms not only for gays and lesbians but shockingly for those who fail to report their gay and lesbian neighbors to the government. I do not ever want to see a news reel or read so much as a tweet of a raid on a Ugandan residence by security forces trained or in any way supported by the United States. The military aid we supply to other nations should be used to ensure the freedom of the citizens in those nations and never to curtail it. Regards, Adam Locke

Murder, My Sweet (1944)

Exhibit 292

Master Yi [15:39]: sorry guys i went to buy some taco bell and forgot league was up

Zilean [15:52]: I hope you get diarrhea

Master Yi [16:01]: dude never wish that on anyone

Master Yi [26:25]: shit brb

Master Yi [34:34]: zil

Zilean [34:39]: ?

Master Yi [34:45]: are u a wizard

(Thanks to Pattata for the quote!)