MC And Malleus: *had An Argument*

MC and Malleus: *had an argument*

MC: *being petty and pretending that they don't see him*

Malleus: Child of man.

MC: ...

Malleus: Child of man.

MC: ...

Malleus: ...

Malleus: I was wrong.

MC: ...

Malleus: Are you really going to keep this up?

MC: ...

Malleus: ...

Malleus: *pecks them on the nose*

MC: Pft— What the heck—

Malleus: *chuckles* Are we good now?

MC: Yes. Tch. *is smiling*

Lilia: *appears out of nowhere* Ah, youth.

MC and Malleus: *blushed in embarrassment*

Malleus: *pouts* Lilia.

Lilia: Don't mind me. *holding a camera* Just in case you'll need photos for your wedding.

Malleus, attempting to court you: Child of man, I wish to gift you something.

Y/N: Cool. What is it?

Malleus, presents to you a single rock: It is customary among my people to gift a rock to those they wish to court. Do you accept this courting gift?

Y/N, observing the rock: …

Y/N: Mm, nah.

Malleus, taken aback: Nah?

Y/N: Nah.

Y/N: Nothing against the rock or anything, but I just don’t vibe with that specific one, ya know?

Malleus: I see…

[Later]

Lilia: I told you it wouldn’t work. Humans have different courting gifts than those of the dragon fae. Try something else like flowers or a poem or-

Malleus: No. They said they did not “vibe” with that rock, so I must find one that they do “vibe” with!

[Later, again]

Y/N: Oh hey Mal, what’cha got there-

Malleus, carrying a bunch of rocks: I have returned with a selection of rocks specifically chosen by me with which you can choose from! Please accept one as a beginning courting gift!

Y/N: …

Y/N, picking one of the rocks: This one. I like this one.

imagine sitting down at a restaurant with miguel & the couple that’s seated in the booth a few spaces away from y’all starts arguing and you both can hear what they’re saying…and it’s all stuff that shouldn’t be said out loud. n y’all r just sitting there trying not to laugh 😭😭😭

nah because i KNOW miguel is so goofy like this.

you were seated in a diner together for breakfast, finally enjoying your day off together as you both picked the menu apart, when you heard bickering.

not just normal arguing, literal bickering from the other side of the old-timey restaurant. miguel completely turned around to eavesdrop, and you slapped his hand, “babe! that’s none of our business, you’re making it obvious that you’re listening!”

he didn’t say anything, he just shushed you and motioned for you to come sit by him. you rolled your eyes, but you couldn’t even pretend you weren’t interested too, so you snuck out of your side of the booth and sat on his lap as you eavesdropped on the two women who were talking a little too loud.

“how dare you invite me here, acting like you haven’t been having sex with my husband for months!”

the other woman snorted, “oh please, elizabeth, your husband had been cheating for a long, long time and you never knew! ask the other girls back at the country club, where do you think he goes every weekend? to the lake house like he says? baby, he sold that lake house and blew it on call girls.”

“you’re lying! at least me and my husband don’t have to wear protection because one of you has an STD!”

miguel immediately craned his neck over to you, whispering, “the hell?”

you contained a laugh as the women just kept going, until one of them stood up, a fork positioned in her hand like she was going to hurt the other woman with it. “i’ll kill you!”

“oh hell no.” you snorted, grabbing your husband’s hand as you started to stand up,

“we’re leaving.”

Thembo Shark Reader...

Just this massive behemoth who clears out entire beaches in mere seconds - because they smelled raw meat cooking at one of the pits.

Shark Reader can't catch a break. They're hunted by schools of merfolk, fishermen, and royalty at sea - pursued by life guards and people they've dragged to shore on land. Shark Reader is a passive giant just looking for their next meal and resting place. It's easy to pick up on their docile nature within a few minutes of meeting them - unless they got something in those chompers and asking their new companions if they see the cause of their parallel. That exact scene is what lead to them gaining their little following of merfolk who tailed them from coast to coast. While the meats and other good had been a fine meal, plastic coolers weren't the best thing for a shark's diet and had gotten stuck in their gums. They reworked a net conveniently cast out to sea into floss, freeing the distressed goldfish in the process. They were prepared to swim off and go about the rest of their day - ambushed by the teary eyed school the mermaid belonged to. It's easy to keep their big lovable shark around by catching a couple fish or luring humans out to sea. As long as they fillet their catches properly - Reader can't tell the difference.

Some shitposts under the cut

Yan Sea Captain: Today will finally be the day I catch that beast. A new frame will hang on my wall when its finally mine.

Crew Mate: You mean like that oil painting of you and it in your bedroom.

Yan Sea Captain: Another word and you'll be the bait

-

[Shark Reader carries a surfer back to shore and sticks their board in the sand]

Shark Reader: Not Safe that far out. Sharks

Surfer: o-ok... [frantically searches for that "lifeguard for hire" poster they saw at the entrance to the beach]

Yan Lifeguard, standing on a boat: Are you ready for your first swimming lesson?

"n-no?"

Yan Lifeguard: Fantastic! [yeets their victim into the water and swims back to shore waiting for someone to notice]

-

Yan Researcher: All that time wasted. Had I know this would be the way to win your heart, I'd have done it the day we met, my love

Shark Reader, on their twelfth tuna sandwich and fifth raw steak: I thought it would be pretty obvious

Riddle: Did you just tell Floyd you have a crush on him?

MC: Yes?

Riddle: Why would you do that?

MC: Why not? It's one-sided anyway. And I'm sure Floyd has probably forgotten about it the minute I said it to him.

Riddle: ...

Riddle: Hate to break this to you, but he didn't.

MC: Huh?

Floyd: Got to be looking cool for Shrimpy.

Ace: Hell no! You stay away from my bestie!

Jamil: Can we just resume the basketball practice now?