06. Too Blind To See | Reliability Kth

06. too blind to see | reliability • kth

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pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 2.258 genre: drama, light angst rating: pg-13 warnings: cursing, alcohol consumption au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3

summary: taehyung seeks advice from yoongi and ends up realizing that there are some unresolved feelings he needs to figure it out

A/N: this was probably one of my favorite chapters to write. working on the relationship between tae and yoongi is refreshing, because yoongi comes in as the voice of reason (and maybe even the reader's voice too a lil’ bit) and is a very important thing for the protagonist's development.

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“This is concerning” Yoon Gi said as he took the glass from the waiter's tray, “And it also doesn't make any sense. Y/N would never resign without good reason.” He paused briefly to face me, as I remained silent trying to find the right words. “What did you do, Tae Hyung?”

I fidgeted in the armchair a couple of times and ran my hands through my hair before revealing in a tone that I hoped was casual and aloof enough as if things like this happened all the time and I was perfectly okay with the consequences.

“I may or may not have humiliated her in front of the shareholders just to make a point about how wrong it was to go behind my back to buy your shares and then in private question her trust”

“Tell me you're joking” Yoon Gi looked me up and down, his expression a little difficult to read. He looked angry but at the same time confused, as if he hadn't heard me right. Apparently, my attempt at sounding casual failed. I could only mumble sounds. Words? What was that? I suddenly became desperate. Who was I trying to fool? Yoon Gi or myself?

“Tae Hyung! Are you stupid?” he placed the drink on the small table between us, “Why did you do that?”

The real reason I didn't know. I simply did it. Impulse? Yes. Stupidity? For sure. Ego? Most likely. The more I replay the incident in my head, the more ridiculous it gets. Saying it out loud? Mortifying.

“I know, I know” I started defending myself, “In the beginning, the shareholders were all nice and everything was great. They sucked up to me the way they never sucked up to my dad. However, as the years went by I started to deny their perks and demands and they responded by doing the absolute minimum. Didn't affect Vante as you would expect, instead left me with a bunch of shit to do and stress level through the roof” I explained.

Yoon Gi took another sip of his whiskey and, still holding the glass close to his mouth, he pointed his index finger at me making the liquid stir inside. “From where I’m standing you shouldn’t have used Y/N in your so-called revenge plan. You should have talked to her about it first and come up with a plan together to fuck those assholes”

“Yes, we already established that I am a jerk” I lowered my head, pouring more soju, “When I first heard she bought the shares I got really pissed, I’m not gonna lie. I explicitly told her you and I had a deal and she had to come to me first” I continued to defend myself, after all, there was some sort of logic behind my fuck up.

“She bought shares in which company?” Yoon Gi asked.

I squinted for a moment trying to remember names, “FL and Losna"

“Not many people know I own Losna, Tae” he pondered, “It may have been an honest mistake on her part”

“She knew about FL though!”

“I don't care, you’re wrong”

“Yoon Gi” I cry out.

I wanted his help to make sense of all of this and also get some moral support, not to take Y/N’s side and tell me the truth so bluntly. We have been brothers since we were ten years old, which means I hope he will lie to me and spare my feelings — it’s called good manners.

“Tae Hyung” he mimicked me in a sarcastic tone, obviously making fun of my pain, “Listen, I’ll talk to my lawyers about this to see how we can reverse the deal. At least with FL. Losna doesn’t matter much”

Yoon Gi was always mature, sensible, and responsible, there was no way he would spare my feelings. Deep down I knew that and understood he was the only friend who could get me right on track. Did I enjoy our little dynamic? No. Did it work? Every goddamn time.

“What about your dad? What will you tell him once he finds out?” I asked, making Yoon Gi laugh.

“The truth” he replied.

I crossed my arms and stared at him in total disbelief, “You say it like it’s easy…”

“It's not easy at all, but unlike you, my friend, I have this thing called uh…” Yoon Gi paused dramatically looking around as if he had lost something in the armchair, “...balls, so it’ll be fine” he smiled, not showing his teeth.

“Ha ha, very funny” I slowly clapped my hands.

“I wasn't trying to be” his eyebrows arched in surprise, “Natural talent, perhaps?”

“Sure, let’s go with that” I scoffed, “Can your natural talent also help me get back on Y/N’s good side?”

Yoon Gi narrowed his eyes, “Is there more you’re not telling me? Did something else happen?”

This man knew me very well, so much so he knew exactly when I was hiding a piece of information. If I wanted his help, I should tell the full story with Y/N, not just the meeting/humiliation part, so that's how I spent the next fifteen minutes detailing our conversation (or should I say fight?) at the building's emergency stairs.

When I finished, Yoon Gi took a few seconds to digest it all and then tilted his head sideways, biting his lip, trying to read my body expression. “Why are you so desperate to get her back?” he finally asked.

Thank God, an easy question to answer. “Because she is the best and I need her”

“Nah, I don't think that's it” he shook his head and shifted his body, now sitting more on the edge of the chair with a smirk on his face.

“What? What are you trying to say?” I disputed.

“You like her” he pointed his fingers at me, the smirk still intact on his face.

“I what?”

“Like her” Yoon Gi repeated and chuckled as he leaned back in his armchair again, probably satisfied with his ridiculously inaccurate and delusional remark. Unbelievable.

“Since when do you get drunk with only two glasses of whiskey?” I wondered.

“Don't deflect, Tae Hyung”

“I'm not” I shrugged looking around. I wanted to leave so bad. “I don’t know where you got this impression but I don’t like her”

“Don't deny it, Tae Hyung” Yoon Gi rolled his eyes.

“Fine, I’ll play along” I took off my blazer feeling annoyed with this line of questioning, “What made you think I like Y/N?”

Yoon Gi wasted no time. “Gee, I don't know, maybe it has to do with the fact that you talk about her all the time?” he leaned in to pick up his whiskey from the table, “Or how you find any excuse to work late just to see her for a couple more hours?” he asked before taking a sip.

“No no, forget it, I think it's because she never let you shoot your shot, not even in college, and you are secretly obsessed with the tug of war you two play” he seemed to be talking to himself, “It irritates you so damn much but at the same time is exciting, isn't it?” he finally looked at me and smiled. “You hate being told no but she makes it cool, doesn't she?” he lifted the glass as if he wanted to make a toast.

I looked to the glass, then to his face, then back to the glass. What is happening? Where did he get all this from? Why so many details?

“You have to stop reading webtoons, I'm serious” was all I managed to say.

“How can you be this oblivious?” Yoon Gi snorted. “I’m actually a bit sad for you”

“I don't see why” I blinked, confused by his statement. “I'm fine, she's fine. We'll see each other tomorrow” I smiled, sipping some of my soju after raising the glass. This was something worthy of a toast.

“You poor thing. No you won’t, she won’t come back” he shook his head. “I’m sorry to be the one to break it down for you but not only is she ‘the one that got away’, she’s also an amazing professional who just got an amazing opportunity”

When I called Yoon Gi earlier tonight this was not what I had in mind. As time went by I felt worse about how unable I was to resolve the situation.

“Opportunity?”

Yoon Gi pursed his lips for a moment organizing his thoughts. “Y/N is free to do whatever she wants and, honestly, I don't blame her. Ten years with you would take a toll on anybody”

“We’ve known each other for twenty” I replied, pretending to be offended.

“I’m not anybody, first of all” it was Yoon Gi's turn to be fake offended “And you're like my little brother, so it's different” he crossed his legs.

I sank in the armchair imagining Y/N disappearing from my life and never stepping a foot on Vante again: a bitter taste came to my mouth and I felt my chest tighten. 

“You really think she would do that? You know, go work somewhere else?”

Yoon Gi blushed and shyly nodded, “I would if I was her”

But she can’t go. I made a stupid judgment call and it’s not a good enough reason for her to quit. Maybe there is something more she isn’t telling me. If I could just talk to her one more time, if she gave me another chance, I would shut the fuck up and listen. She could demand anything and I would give it to her. A raise? More vacation days? Less overtime? I am willing to do whatever to get her back.

Seeing my sad face, Yoon Gi added, “Give her some space, Tae. Actual space, okay? Don’t call her, don’t text her, and for God’s sake, don’t chase her down some stairs”

Yeah, he's right, I shouldn't be pushing too hard, but then how am I going to show her how sorry I am? Me and my fucking ego ruined everything, that's great.

“I think the first thing you need to do is figure out how you truly feel about her" Yoon Gi started once he noticed the shift in my mood, “I can talk all night long about the tiny details I noticed throughout the years but it won't make any difference because you have to look back and see it for yourself”

I could honestly feel how much Yoon Gi cared. His tone of voice was soft and even a bit sweet, leaving me with no choice but to lift my chin and meet his concerned and loving gaze.

“I can be wrong though, I don't know” he quickly added, uncrossing his legs and placing his hands on his lap. “To be honest I was waiting for the day when you would come up to me and tell you guys were finally a thing. I kinda hoped you were at least working on it at this point. It's been a decade in the making, maybe more” he laughed trying to lighten the mood.

“I-I don't know, man” I confessed.

It was strange for me to hear out loud that Y/N was different because I always knew she was, since and the first time we met. There was something about her that attracted me and at the same time drove me crazy. I hated the way she treated me, always acting like she was superior, but I loved the way her indifference encouraged me to be better and overcome my own limits.

I never felt the need to label our relationship because it had automatically been labeled as 'incompatible' from the get go. It didn't matter how beautiful I thought she looked in a ponytail while studying late at night at the college library, how I envied her attitude towards life or her extensive knowledge in any subject, nor the good relationship she had with all the teachers, classmates. and now Vante employees, Y/N and I were not close enough to create a bond, let alone a relationship. We had no time, opportunity or desire to, I suppose.

Her position in the company felt like meant to be one of my mom’s shenanigans so it was surprising how long it took for shit to hit the fan. At some point, we were bound to have a fight or even fall out for good but I guessed that would happen within the first two years, not now. Besides, in the ten years she spent here, three were dating a guy from London. On and off, of course.

How was I supposed to compete with him? Not that I thought about competing in the first place but if I hypothetically did I wouldn’t stand a chance. Even with me being obviously more handsome, successful, and richer than him, they had a bond and intellectual compatibility I could never match.

“It's okay,” Yoon Gi assured with his hand on my shoulder, “that's why I told you to give it some thought and figure it out. It's normal, you have been close for so long that it might be hard to distinguish at first”

That's it? 

I'm just used to thinking of Y/N as a partner and not as a potential lover? Is it okay to change my mind at some point? Does she even care? What would she say? Wait, what would I say to her? 

This is all happening so fast.

I'm scared.

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𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ revised version: 09.25.2021

08. hanging by a thread | reliability • kth

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pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 2.909 genre: drama, light angst rating: pg-13 warnings: cursing au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3

summary: tae is conflicted between following yoongi's advice and respecting Y/N decision to move on with another man. which one will he choose?

A/N: definitely one of my favorite chapters :’) with the story nearing its end, i had to continue the build up and create a curve that would lead to the apex (which will come in chapter 9). hope you like it!!

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“I guess I should probably go…” was the first thing Y/N said after a few minutes of complete silence. I was leaning against the tv wall with my forehead pressed against the cold marble and eyes tightly shut. I knew she was starting to get uncomfortable and I desperately wanted to say something to make the situation less uncomfortable. Oh well.

“Are you coming back to Vante?” I asked slightly banging my head to make the imminent headache that was beginning to form go the fuck away.

“No, why?” she quickly replied, sounding genuinely confused.

I immediately turned around, “But I apologized”

“You’re missing the point — again” Y/N said annoyed, “It’s not about that. It’s about what’s best for me right now”

“Running away, you mean?” I crossed my arms and took a few steps closer to her.

“Choosing” she got up from the couch with her purse already hanging from her shoulder, ready to leave. “For the first time in a long time, this is something I chose, for myself. Not for you, not for my family, not for anybody”

I think she has a point. After how honest she was today, I can only accept that she no longer wants to work with me, let alone have me in her life, but it's hard. I never thought we would reach this point. Although she didn't consider us friends, I feel like I'm losing one and it’s the weirdest feeling ever. I don't even know what I can possibly say to reverse this situation and make sure that at least we keep in touch from time to time, like college buddies I guess. 

Jesus, this is so lame. I don’t know if I can do it.

The crazy part is that, for a millisecond, I saw something sad in her eyes. Like she didn't want to go away or maybe she regretted this decision. Unfortunately, I can't hang my hopes on a hunch. I shouldn’t have hopes in the first place, she made that very clear tonight.

“I’ll have your paperwork ready by monday morning. Can you swing by the office?”

“Yes, thank you!”

The relief tone she used stung.

“I’m gonna go now” Y/N announced and I moved out of the way taking a couple steps back to let her through.

“I’ll walk you out”

“Don’t worry about it” she gave me a faint smile, “I know the way”

I feel a mixture of contempt, sadness, and shame. She doesn't even wanna be close to me. It's like I don't know her anymore, I'm shocked. I can't even accompany her for the last time, say a proper goodbye. Would I ever see her again?

Before she reached the front door I decided to turn my back so I wouldn't have the image of her leaving engraved in my brain forever. If I didn’t see it then it didn’t happen, it’s not real, she didn’t leave for good, just temporarily.

Entering my bedroom, I grabbed my phone lying on the bed and texted Yoon Gi.

kim taehyung | 11:23pm: she’s gone gone  min yoongi | 11:25pm: what? kim taehyung | 11:25pm: y/n. she left for real this time min yoongi | 11:26pm: why? kim taehyung | 11:29pm: she’s getting married

As soon as I pressed send I knew it would get a reaction out of him and I laughed out loud when my phone rang announcing his call coming through.

“What the fuck?” Yoon Gi bluntly started.

“Yes” I chuckled.

“You’re kidding right?”

I moved up the bed and laid down, propping one of my arms behind my head, “Wish I was”

“Hold on. How is she getting married? To whom? Was she even dating?”

“To some English guy named Eric”

“English?” he sounded disgusted.

“Well, he’s half Korean. His parents moved to England before he was born” I stared at the ceiling recalling the time when I first found this out.

“How do you know that?” Yoon Gi asked like he read my mind.

“Google”

“Taehyung…”

He will think I’m crazy.

“Fine, a private investigator”

“Just because she is marrying him?”

See? Crazy people behavior alert.

“God no, I’m not a psycho” I explained, “I had him check out the first time he appeared, a few years ago. He’s Y/N college boyfriend”

“So you know him”

“No. Technically they met at the MBA program in London not in college but it was around the same time we graduated so who cares…Anyway, one day he showed up at the office to pick her up and she introduced him as her boyfriend”

I remember like it was yesterday, dark hair, bangs almost on his eyes, a kind smile. A full-on goody-goody. Too perfect to be real, raising the biggest red flag on my book of weirdos.

“I thought it was very strange she hadn’t mentioned a boyfriend before so I had him check out just to make sure he wasn’t a serial killer or something, you know?” I continued.

“And at that moment you didn’t realize you had feelings for her?” the way Yoon Gi asked the question I knew he was furring his eyebrows behind the phone.

“What?”

“Please, who does that? You actually paid a guy to look into another guy because of a girl. A girl that was just your employee, by the way. Don’t you think it screams ‘I’m-in-love-with-you-and-incredibly-jealous-of-this-relationship-you-suddenly-have’?”

“Now I do,” I scratched my head and sat up, “at the time I thought I was just being nice and looking out for a female employee. You know how many weirdos exist these days”

“Right…”

I let out a loud sight and got out of bed. Yoon Gi was doubting my intentions and, even though I was unconsciously already interested in Y/N at the time, what I did was perfectly okay. I didn’t do it because I was jealous nor was I trying to sabotage their relationship.

“Did you at least confess your feelings?” he asked.

I paced around the room a little bit before answering, “Not exactly”

“What do you mean not exactly? Either you did or you didn’t”

“We kinda argued about some stuff, then acknowledged we had sexual tension and next thing I knew she was telling me how ever since college she wanted to be my friend or even more”

“Yah!!!!” Yoon Gi yelled, making me almost drop my phone.

“What, what?”

“If I was next to you right now I’d punch you in the face”

“Why?” I asked, kneeling in front of the bed and putting my phone on speaker. Yoon Gi knew how to be scary sometimes.

“I can’t believe she said this and you didn’t confess” he grunted, “That was your cue! What’s wrong with you?” I could hear the non-existent facepalm from miles away. He was disappointed in me, I knew it. Bet he’s thinking how our conversation at the pub didn’t mean shit for me, but it did.

“I apologized though” I paused to get a reaction, staring at the phone. “Wholeheartedly!” I added.

Sometimes I felt like a little boy asking his father's approval. I never did that with mine but I found myself doing it with Yoon Gi every now and then. I always wanted to be cool in his eyes.

“Okay, that’s actually good”

I silently mouthed a thank you and fixed my posture to sit cross-legged in front of my phone to talk to Yoon Gi as if he was on my bed.

“Yeah, but then as I was gathering the courage, trying to find a way to approach the subject she was like since you wanna know about my personal life, I’m engaged, how’s that for personal? and I was just standing there like are you serious?”

I may have mimicked her voice and my voice for theatrical purposes, which made Yoon Gi laugh. He could be so annoying sometimes, I swear. 

“Why you laughing?”

“I’m imagining the look on your face”

“Thanks”

“Go on…” he said, obviously trying to hold his laugh.

“That was basically it. She said it was her choice and I pondered a little bit before agreeing and saying I would have her resignation papers drafted and ready by monday morning”

“Wait, so she’s not coming back?” Yoon Gi’s tone went back to serious.

“Oh yeah, no" I shrugged.

“Wow, you’re fucked” he clicked his teeth.

“Yup” I agreed, infatuating the ‘p’.

“Personally and professionally” he reiterated.

“Big time”

“I don’t know what to say to you right now”

“I was counting on your advice, to be honest” I tittered.

“Now that you thought about your feelings and is sure about them, you have to tell her”

“Yoongi,” I got up and started gesticulating towards the phone as if he could see me, “she’s getting married!”

Did I not tell the story right? Was he not following along?

“She’s not married yet”

He got me there. If we are going to stick to technical terms, I guess Yoon Gi is right.

“On monday morning, when she stops by to get the papers, just tell her” he suggested.

I don't know, there is something about not respecting the boundaries she imposed half an hour ago that doesn't sit right with me. On the other hand, what made me equally uneasy was how sad she seemed when she left.

“It won’t make any difference” I scoffed, sitting down next to the phone and biting my thumb nail.

“You don’t know that” Yoon Gi reprimanded me.

“I don’t think she’ll like it very much” I shook my head nervously.

Come to think of it, she has been sad ever since our talk in the emergency staircase.

“You don’t know that either” he pointed out.

“Isn’t it just rude? I know she’s with another guy and she made it very clear tonight that she doesn’t want to be in any form of relationship with me. She didn’t even let me walk her out!”

“Stop making excuses for yourself and decisions for her. Just tell her. You’ll feel better, I promise”

“Doubtful” I said, face between my hands, the sound coming off a little bit muffled. I don’t know if Yoon Gi heard me or not. He’s right, I know he is, but I just can’t do it. She’ll just start to hate me and if there’s one thing I’m not willing to lose is her respect.

“Listen to me, don’t listen to me, I don’t care. You know I don’t care” he said, “All I know is that you guys would’ve been great together and you’ll definitely regret it not even trying”

“Damn” I looked at the phone.

“What?” he chuckled, “Too harsh?”

“Not more than usual”

That made me smile. Yoon Gi has always been the type of friend who said what needed to be said instead of what you would like to hear. At the beginning of our friendship, I misunderstood his advice for personal criticism especially tailored to hurt my ego. As I got to know him better, I learned his sincerity was a gift and was always accompanied by the best intentions. He really cared. Not about if I liked or not or what I was going to do per se, but how much I was going to let the problem affect me. 

Yoon Gi is an empathic guy, although he doesn't seem like it at first. He is always thinking about how to help other people feel better and I am very grateful to have him in my life. He knows that even if I don't take the majority of his advice, I have too much respect for him to not at least consider what he has to say.

“I was going for painful” he jokes.

“I appreciate you” I smile again.

“I know you do”

“Talk to you soon”

“Bye!”

After ending the call, I had a lot to think about. I needed a plan to talk to Y/N on monday, I couldn't just confess my feelings out of the blue. It's late and I'm too tired. I'll deal with it tomorrow.

******

As soon as I turn left on the street, I can see my house and relief runs through my body. I can't wait to take a shower and sleep! Airplanes are so uncomfortable. But wait, the lights are on.

After parking, I climb the short flight of stairs that connects the garage to the main house and go out into the corridor, instantly being greeted by the delicious smell of something being baked.

“Hi, I’m back!” I say in a sing-song voice, taking off my shoes.

“In the kitchen” a female voice shouts.

Heading in the direction of the voice, and thinking about what I'm probably going to eat, I walk into Y/N separating some ingredients on the island and picking up the mixer.

“What are you doing?” I ask confused.

“Baking a cake?” she replies with a ‘duh’ expression.

I didn't know Y/N liked to cook, I'm quite shocked she is here. How did she get in? I don't remember giving her the keys.

“Okay, and since when do you bake?” I teased taking off my jacket and throwing it on the couch.

She looked up, pointing the spatula at me, “Since the man that I love decided he didn’t want a birthday party”

I smiled and she continued preparing what I gathered was the frosting. I'll never get sick of hearing her say those words. It gives me goosebumps and fills my chest with the warmest, most amazing feeling.

“It’s not that big of a deal” I shrugged.

It really wasn't. I don't care much about my birthday. I used to when I was younger. Once I rented a yacht for the weekend, another time I took my friends to Greece, another year I went to Vegas with Yoon Gi. It's funny to see how priorities change over time because these things sound so trivial right now and don't appeal to me anymore. I did it for fun, not because the fact that I was born was an important event. It was just a date on the calendar where I was allowed to go crazy.

Y/N, however, didn’t see it that way.

“To me it is!”

Inside the bowl in front of her was this beautiful, soft-looking white mixture that made my mouth water and I quickly reached my hand to scoop a little bit.

“This looks good, can I have a tas—” I was interrupted with a slap on my hand.

“No!”

“Ouch” I laugh.

“I’m not done yet” she laughs too and I roll my eyes. Just a tiny bit wouldn’t make a difference, she knows that! Looks so tasty.

“If you behave, I have a surprise set up for you later” she smirked.

“Oh really?” I hugged her from behind, putting my hands on her stomach and leaving a kiss on her cheek. She hummed in response and kept smiling while stirring the mix.

“Can’t wait” I whispered in her ear before kissing her naked shoulder, which unfortunately wasn’t for long thanks to a stupid alarm that started ringing nonstop.

“Aren’t you gonna get that?” Y/N asked me and I shook my head in the crook of her neck. “Tae!” she laughs, “Your phone is ringing”

All of a sudden I feel sad for some reason, “I wanna stay here with you”

Y/N immediately stops stirring the mix and turns around to face me, displaying the most loving look in her eyes as she smiles and hugs me, “But baby, I’m not going anywhere”

And just as seamless it started, seamlessly it ended. When I turned around to pick up my phone and answer it, I suddenly found myself in another place, now totally dark and Y/N was nowhere near. This is actually my bedroom, 4:12 am. It was all a dream.

I sat on the bed, took a few deep breaths, ran my hands over my face and hair, forcing myself to get back to reality and fully wake up from the best and most realistic dream I’ve ever had. It was like a taste of what my life could have been with Y/N if only I had realized my feelings sooner. I hate myself for wasting so much time and energy fighting and suppressing it.

I squeezed my eyes shut trying to remember every detail of her face as she smiled at me. I don't think I have ever gotten this close in real life and wonder how I managed to visualize those beautiful eyes so clearly. Especially the way they formed wrinkles on top of her cheekbones when she smiled and the way her lips practically begged to be kissed.

She seemed so happy with me. And she was baking a cake, for God’s sake. I don’t even like cake that much and yet she made them look like the best creation mankind came up with. Who knew a dream could leave you this worked up. No, stop! I have to remind myself that it isn’t real. She’s not mine, she’s marrying somebody else.

She’s not married yet.

Yoon Gi's voice pops up in my head and that statement is the only thing I can think of as I lie down again and try to go back to sleep. I don’t think I’ll be able to wait until monday to talk to her. I can’t hold it in anymore.

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𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ revised version: 09.25.2021

hi, i saw your post and wanted to tell you that i’m excited for the following chapter of reliability!

i also want to send you a virtual hug after what you said about adult life and being too tired to write, i understand completely... i hope you can relax soon and be able to find time for yourself in this very overwhelming world 🥺🤍

in the best way, i love this fic... i’m so thankful for your brain for writing it and sharing it! (and please never ever feel pressed to write, take your time!!)

juliette, hiii 🥺 first of all, let me hug you right back bc this is such a lovely message! i’m smiling so big right now

thank you for being excited and loving reliability as much as i do. it’s so fun and rewarding to write knowing amazing ppl such as yourself will read it

your kind words and support will never go unnoticed or unappreciated. please stay healthy and safe! don’t be a stranger, let’s keep in touch

xx

04. take it back | reliability • kth

previous | index | next

pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 2.750 genre: drama, light angst rating: pg-13 warnings: cursing au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3

summary: after Y/N’s resignation, taehyung goes after her to apologize

A/N: this chapter was a little difficult to write, for three reasons: i wanted to accurately describe the emotional state of the two characters, even though this story is from tae's pov; leave some clues for future chapters and also narrate a movement in a verbal fight as believably as possible.

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Y/N's sudden resignation left me in complete shock, but something inside told me to stand up and go find her because I couldn't let that happen, she had to stay. She just had to. If I needed to beg, then so be it, but she couldn't leave Vante. Leave me.

In the lobby, practically out of breath, I stand before the elevators noticing that of the four, two are on different floors, one is on the ground floor and the other going up. I pressed all the buttons violently so that one of them would come to me and take me to Y/N, but amid my distress, I realized something:

She uses the stairs when she is angry.

This one time, after a meeting with a possible foreign client, Y/N disappeared. Nobody could tell me where she was or what direction she went. It was as if she had vanished like smoke. Hours later, visibly calmer, she entered her office where I was sitting with my feet up on the table reading some reports that she had left laying around.

“Mr. Kim, please show some manners and get your filthy feet off my table” Y/N demanded with humor but a serious face.

“There you are” I smiled, bringing my legs down.

“Do you need something?” she asked, coming towards me and gesturing for me to get up from her chair.

“Not really” I put down the papers I was reading and stood between her desk and a bookcase. “I just wanted to know if everything was okay and where were you”

“I needed to clear my head” Y/N put on her reading glasses and started organizing the papers I had messed up. 

I just nodded, respecting her space. After a few seconds of silence, I turned to the door to leave.

“When I'm nervous and need to think, I use the stairs instead of the elevator” she blurted out. As soon as I turned my head, I realized that Y/N was biting the inside of her cheek as if she had regretted sharing such information.

“No problem” I assured her with a nod.

It was the only thing I could do. She put up with four intense hours of the potential client questioning every little detail she presented, and yet she was able to keep it together and reply with civility. I recall seeing the physical effort she made to not lose her composure, since closing a contract with him would mean a lot to Vante, and well, the girl liked to win by any means necessary. If it was me, I might have missed the opportunity due to my temper, but that is precisely why I have her around — so she can run things the right way. Hiding out on the stairs for a while didn’t seem like a big deal to me.

“Stairs!” I said to myself, happy to have remembered that little detail just in time.

Running towards the emergency exit, I pushed the crash bar with full force. I started coming down the stairs as fast as possible but still couldn't see Y/N so I decided to lean over the main handrail, looking down into the gap that allowed me to see the other floors.

“Y/N!” I shouted, spotting her arm and purse as she walked through what appeared to be two levels below where I was. She immediately stops and leans to the right, looking up until our eyes meet.

“Please wait” I urged, holding out my hand in a 'stop' sign.

Y/N, however, didn’t give a shit and kept walking, paying me no attention whatsoever. I had no choice but to jump several steps at a time to get there as quickly as possible and stop right next to her.

“Listen to me” I panted, hands on my knees.

Y/N stopped for a moment watching my desperation, rolled her eyes, and started walking again.

“I need to tell you something” I said, taking two steps forward and putting my left hand on the rail, blocking her way.

“Move” Y/N pushed my arm, finishing the steps and walking through the space between flights.

“You are acknowledging my presence, great, it’s a start” I observed while she kept ignoring me. “Please, can you stop for just a second?”

“No”

“Then I’ll keep following you” I disclosed right behind her, arms crossed.

“Good luck, you're going to roll down the stairs” Y/N shrugged.

This was a test of patience. A big one.

“Y/N!” I pulled her by the arm.

“What?” she shouted. “What more do you want?”. Her eyes looked deeply into mine and I could see a clear mix of exhaustion and anguish. “What else do you want to talk to me about? Or should I say humiliate?”

“Take it back” I unintentionally whispered, feeling my throat dry and my heart pounding.

“What?”

“Your decision” I repeated more confidently, “Take it back. Please don't quit”

With that, I let go of her arm but not before my fingertips trace her skin gently on the way down.

Y/N looked at me astonished, “My God, you are fucking unbelievable” and went back down the steps, only now stomping her feet like a child. 

“I'm serious, Y/N, you can't quit, you're very important to the company!”

“Oh really?” she replied sarcastically, “That was not what it looked like five minutes ago. Do you think I'm stupid?” she looked back at me with her brows furrowed.

“No!” I quickly interjected. 

In all honesty, I was starting to get desperate. No words seemed right or good enough for her. I had obviously dug a hole for myself with this idea of scolding her in front of everyone and it was getting deeper by the second. Fuck, I messed up real bad! 

“Total opposite! You are extremely intelligent and competent, and..” I continued before she interrupted.

“Well, you certainly went out of your way to say that I was one for buying the shares” Y/N stopped abruptly and I almost ran into her back.

“Okay, that was stupid, you have to admit” I shrugged, making Y/N even angrier, “but… you’re smart and you did it with good intentions for the company” I added, giving a shy smile.

“Let me see if I got it right,” she crossed her arms and looked up, “you agree that I had good intentions and still decided to call a meeting with the sole purpose of humiliating me in front of everyone?” Y/N's gaze had dropped and now hovered over me making me swallow hard.

“Uh… yeah” I admitted, nodding.

“That’s ridiculous, even for you” she sharply exhaled and laughed at the same time but it contained no humor. “I thought we had a decent enough relationship for you to show me a little more respect” she fumed, pointing her finger at me.

“The mistake was serious, Y/N, there are things about Vante and Min that you don't know about” I pointed right back, taking a step forward and raising my voice a little. 

I was starting to get annoyed at how oblivious she was. Okay, I was an asshole and I didn't deal with the situation in the best way, but still, what she did was wrong. “Like I said, the purchase interferes with the agreement I have with Yoon Gi and I will need to speak to him tonight”

And that's how I got Y/N to finally shut up. She was visibly embarrassed. Now was my chance to explain, since she was forced to pay attention.

“And yes, I wanted to send a message to all shareholders about not respecting my rules. You know that my relationship with them has gotten worse in the last year and they are pressuring me to step down as CEO. I had to do something!” I ran my hands through my hair feeling exasperated.

“There” Y/N pointed her finger at me again, “Right there!”

I think the confusion on my face was evident because she soon explained herself.

“This is the reason why I quitted. You used me like I was the fucking secretary - no offense to Eun Ae - just to prove a point and look powerful in front of those assholes. You didn't have to do that”

“I know,” I agreed, rubbing my eyes, “now I realized that, I'm sorry Y/N”

Still with my eyes closed and taking a deep breath, I hear Y/N usher down the stairs.

“How was I supposed to know you would react like that?” I insisted, “Huh?”

“Uh, I don't know, common sense?” she waved her hands in the air, keeping her eyes forward.

“I thought you would be angry, very angry or that you would curse at me, scream, but not resign” I confessed approaching her, “You love this place”

Y/N stopped at the sound of my last statement taking a beat before turning around. Her back got tense. A couple of seconds after recovering from the shock, she hissed nervously “I don't… love” and looked me in the eye, pausing subtly before complementing “this place"

The way Y/N said that hurt me because I felt that she was simultaneously hiding something and rejecting me. I couldn't help my own shock at those words. We have worked so hard in the last few years, we achieved much more than everyone expected. She and I were the perfect team. How come she didn't like the company? Was she pretending all this time? There was no one else who worked as hard as Y/N. What is going on?

If someone had asked me 24 hours ago if she was happy here, I would have said without a doubt that she was, because everything pointed that way. How she planned out the strategies, how she talked to clients, the bulletproof arguments she used with shareholders, the silent laugh when I made a joke during those long nights where we did overtime, the contained giggles we exchanged when we closed a new deal and so many other quirks that only I knew, that only I saw.

Precisely because I knew so much, I was not ready to let go.

“But I do and I need to protect it. Please don't quit, I want you here” I begged.

Y/N’s eyes showed an inner struggle between believing what I was saying and any other feelings she had for Vante or even for me. Did she hate me? Was working here really that bad? It was so difficult to figure out. I thought I knew her well enough, but apparently, I don’t. I had to make myself clear then.

“I need you here” I said, taking her hand.

She immediately looked down as if our hands were on fire.

“Don't lie” Y/N pulled hers back and stepped away from me, “You don't need me here, we both know it” she said nonchalantly looking to the side as she straightened her clothes — which didn't even have wrinkles, by the way, I don't know who she was trying to deceive here.

“Can you, for once in your life, stop assuming what I feel or don't feel?” I shouted, losing my temper and making Y/N's arch her brows in surprise. “Most of the shareholders are fucking morons. When I started to deny their little perks and demands they ended up doing just the bare minimum"

Y/N pondered about what I said for a few seconds as I sat down at one of the steps, loosening my tie.

“It doesn't make sense... they would be jeopardized. They are shareholders, what happens to the company affects their profits”

“They did it in a subtle way, nothing really big. Just enough to make it stressful for me” I rested my forearms on my knees. “They want me gone, which is why I can’t lose the only person I trust in there” I glanced over Y/N to reassure her that I meant it. I do trust her. More than I trust myself.

“I thought you couldn't trust me anymore because I bought the shares” she argued, focusing on the wall in front of us.

“For God's sake, Y/N, why does everything with you turns into an argument?” I stood up. “Aren't we too old to be doing this?”

“We are and that's why I can't take it anymore” she agreed, also getting up. Her voice sounded defeated and exhausted. When she looked at me and gave me a faint smile before going back down the stairs, I felt that I had lost the fight and despair washed over me.

“You have a lot on your mind, I get it, I fucked up” I took a deep breath, trying to settle myself, “Go home, sleep on it and we’ll talk tomorrow, okay?”

Y/N’s gaze had changed, now she expressed complete disgust.

“Don't follow me” she warned, marching to the emergency exit and leaving me behind once again, only with the roaring noise of the iron door echoing on the cement walls around me.

* * * *

“I need to talk to you” I announced as soon as Yoon Gi answered the phone. “Can you meet me at Timber House in an hour?”

“No 'hello'? Shit must be serious” he fretted.

It was very serious for me. First, I needed my best friend to help me make sense of what happened tonight. Second, I must tell him about the shares as soon as possible so that we can find a way to reverse the deal.

As soon as I ended the call, I exited Dongbu Expressway and headed towards the Park Hyatt Hotel where my favorite bar was. The atmosphere was great, very private. The sushi was amazing and they had three types of Hwayo, which would definitely help me tonight. Yoon Gi introduced me to this place a few years ago and we have been going there ever since.

Once I got there and started descending to the lower level, I couldn't stop thinking about what Y/N said. ‘That's why I can't take it anymore’. I'm sure being an operations manager was stressful, but she never complained before. She seemed satisfied with her position. There must be another reason for her to give up, I just can't figure out what it is. And this is not about me just being a jerk, because she had to put up with many things over the years. I just hope Yoon Gi has some wise words to get me out of this mess.

I went through the big wooden door and turned right in the long hallway that made some turns before ending up in the dark and cozy lounge with several armchairs and tables. I could recognize this smell anywhere and the soft jazz melody playing in the background, mixed with the buzz of people eating and talking, made me feel at home.

Sitting in my usual corner and with my favorite soju in hand, I scrolled through my phone trying to distract myself until Yoon Gi arrived. After a few minutes, I saw him walking towards me. This guy looked like an angel of death. Elegant and sharp as always, dark hair and in an all-black outfit. A simple tee, knee-ripped jeans, blazer, and his classic Prada Saffiano leather booties. Definitely the opposite of what is expected for a CEO.

“Hey” he greeted as he sat in front of me and immediately turned to the waiter who quickly approached, “Ardbeg. Neat”

“What’s so urgent?” Yoon Gi questioned, crossing his legs and making himself comfortable.

“I have news” I started cautiously and he narrowed his eyes, “The first one is that Vante bought some Min shares without my authorization, the second is that Y/N resigned and the third is that one and two are correlated”

I drank the rest of the soju I had in my glass in one gulp, leaving Yoon Gi with wide eyes and a lot to process. I could see the gears in his mind spinning and trying to make sense of everything. I would laugh if I wasn't so desperate. The waiter, on the other hand, had impeccable timing because he arrived with Yoon Gi’s whiskey just right when he needed it the most and I took the opportunity to order the whole bottle of soju right away, leaving the tab open. 

This was going to be a long night.

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𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ revised version: 09.25.2021

09. careful decision, heartful declaration | reliability • kth

previous | index | final

pairing: taehyung x reader word count: 4.197 genre: drama, angst rating: pg-13 warnings: cursing, tears, lots of angst au: ceo/office trope: enemies to friends to lovers tags: ceo!taehyung, office!au, best friend!yoongi, unresolved emotional tension, mutual pining, slow burn crosspost: ao3

summary: time seems to drag on until taehyung is finally able to pour his heart out for Y/N. everything led up to this very moment. he's ready!

A/N: the amount of work i put into this chapter speaks for itself. i'm very proud of the final result, especially taehyung's declaration. please enjoy and get tissues :')

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SUNDAY, 10:01 a.m.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ When I woke up the next morning and checked the time I realized three things: 2 missed calls from my mom, 1 text from Yoon Gi, and 1 very vivid dream still in a replay. My night was agitated, to say the least. I woke up several times, switched positions more than I could count, and my brain refused to cooperate or shut off. Where should I even start?

After breakfast, I decided to call my mom first.

“Finally” she answered the phone.

“It’s 10 a.m., mom” I yawn.

“Listen, Hyun Jae hurt her foot while we were visiting the wedding venue so the ceremony will have to be postponed”

I immediately stop stretching and focus on the gravity of what I just heard, “Oh, wow. Is she okay?”

“Yes, it’s just a bad sprained ankle. We’re at the hospital right now” my mom replied, kind of whispering, “She’ll have to wear that boot thing for a few weeks”

“I see” I glance over to the kitchen clock, “Since you’re in the hospital with her, I assume Ye Jun is too and our visit to the tailors is canceled”

“Yeah” my mom sighed. “Oh, I ran into Y/N” she added more cheerfully, which immediately made me imagine the worst scenario possible.

“At the hospital?” I asked a bit desperate, getting up from the dinner table.

“No, calm down. At the coffee shop near the venue. I stopped by before the meeting and she was leaving”

Phew.

“Was she alone?”

My mom could sense something was up so she asked suspiciously, “Yeah, why?”

“Nothing” I answered with a smile, happy that the english dude wasn’t around,

“Did you talk to her?”

“Just a quick hello” she was still very skeptical of my line of questioning.

“How was she? Did she look sad or something?” I started pacing around the kitchen.

“No, she was smiling, very polite as always” my mom replied obviously fed up, “What’s going on Tae Hyung? What happened between you two?”

“Nothing” I assured her.

“Did you apologize like I told you to?”

“Yes, I did” I paused, “Profusely”

“Then why are you worried? Aren’t you on good terms now?”

Last night’s discussion came flooding back and I had no option to tell her a semi-truth.

“Yeah, we are”

Semi because we reached an agreement but it wasn’t the best or most ideal one. Technically we are on good terms. Realistically? Well, we pretty much ended our relationship. How do you label that? How do you explain this to a third party? Especially to my mom.

“Great!” she cut me off, ending the conversion, “Listen, the doctor is back to discharge Hyun Jae. I gotta go”

“No problem” I turn on my heels, heading to the bathroom, “Wedding postponed, tailor’s appointment canceled. Got it”

What I need now is a long shower to properly wake up, make me forget the realistic dream, and relax. Lying to my mom is exhausting and I don't like doing it, but I'm not ready to tell her the whole story.

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SUNDAY, 12:30 p.m.

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“The answer is no” Yoon Gi tells me when I called him back after his ‘wanna hang out?’ text.

“Come on, please?” I beg.

“For the hundredth time, I don’t play tennis and neither do you”

“How dare you?” I gasp overdramatically, “ I’m an excellent player”

“Excellent faker” he points out.

Maybe I’m not the best player around, but I sure looked cool trying it. Yoon Gi doesn’t get it.

“Can we please just go out and do something productive? I can’t stay around the house. It will give me too much time to think about Y/N”

“We can go to a shooting range” he suggests like it was something completely normal, the only obvious choice.

“To a what?”

“Shooting range” he repeats, “Guns. Bullets. Loud noises. Stress reliever”

“I know what it is” I scoff.

“I don’t hear a no in that sentence, therefore I’m texting you the address right now and will meet you down there in half an hour”

“Yoon Gi!” I protest.

“Hanging up, can’t hear you, goodbye"

And just like that, the call ended. I found myself staring at the screen completely unsure of what just happened and questioning if I consciously agreed to shoot a gun. A real one. Then the text popped up.

min yoongi | 12:35pm: 21 Bongeunsa-ro 2-gil, Yeoksam-dong, Gangnam-gu

He is serious, okay.

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SUNDAY, 01:09 p.m.

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The shooting range didn't look as scary as one normally would in movies. From the street, the entrance looked like an ordinary restaurant, to be honest. In my mind, shooting ranges were a dark, tiny and underground space with dim lights and strong manly men judging me from afar. The reality was quite the opposite. Very spacious and colorful with extremely organized rooms and various types of weapons, not to mention the staff, which included men and women of different ages. It had a gym vibe, come to think of it.

After entering, meeting Yoon Gi at the counter, and going over all the bureaucratic stuff that involves shooting a gun, we were taken to a small room with 6 individual cabins.

“You can definitely pretend the target is the english dude” Yoon Gi said after we chose the last two cabins in the back, “I won’t judge you”

“Jesus man, you’re a savage” I replied putting on my safety glasses.

He side-eyed me, “I’m not actually into violence, you know that. It’s just playing pretend. Let loose”

I knew that, but sometimes Yoon Gi's ability to analyze a situation impassively rather than emotionally, scared me a little bit. Sure, I could imagine Eric as my target, but I didn't really want to hurt him, so what was the point?

“Who are you imagining for your target?” I asked genuinely curious.

“Myself” he cocked and fired so quickly and confidently my jaw dropped.

“I’m sorry, what?”

Yoon Gi smirked with eyes still on the target, which he hit perfectly, “Long story”

After that, I pressed the intercom button on the side of my cabin to request staff assistance. I think Yoon Gi invited me here because he needed to, and I could see he had a lot on his mind to stop and teach me how to shoot this thing.

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MONDAY, 08:41 a.m.

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Monday morning finally rolled around, and as I was in the car heading to Vante, a million things came to mind. My playlist was on shuffle and the universe, being the prankster that it is, started playing a terrible sequence of sappy songs that remind me of Y/N. I've never been the guy to get attached and this is all very new. Kind of strange (and wonderful) how I discovered this new side of me thanks to her.

“Good morning, Mr. Kim” Eun Ae got up and bowed as I stepped out of the elevator.

“Morning, Ms. Gwa” I bowed back, “What’s my schedule for today?”

“At 9 you have a conference call with Mr. Song Kang Dae, at 10:30 a meeting with our lawyers and a 1 o’clock lunch reservation at La Yeon with your dad” she followed me into the office.

“Busy day ahead, I see” Y/N smiled and bowed to us.

The second my brain registered it was Y/N's voice, my heart skipped a beat. I wasn't expecting her so early.

“Hi, Y/N”

“Excuse me” Eun Ae said quietly, shutting the door on her way out.

“Eun Ae didn’t see me get in, don’t get mad at her” Y/N explained.

“Mad? No, it’s fine” I sat at my desk, “Your papers should be somewhere right here…”

“Okay” she replied.

A few seconds of very uncomfortable silence passed before Y/N herself broke it.

“So I…”

“Found it!” I shouted, grabbing the file and going around my desk to give it to Y/N.

“Oh, great” she smiled without showing her teeth, which I thought was a bit weird like she was suddenly annoyed for some reason, “Where do I sign?”

“Here, here, and...right here” I pointed to the colored arrow-shaped post-its.

I was trying to be as professional as I could before jumping into the most important part. Finding the perfect segway for a confession is harder than it seems and I was no longer paying attention to what Y/N was doing, all I could do was rehearse in my head what I was going to say next.

“Uh” I began after she and I were finished with the paperwork, “I was wondering if I could talk to you about something else before you leave”

“Sure! I need to tell you something too” she fixed her posture and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear.

Y/N seemed nervous, maybe she should start.

“Yeah? Please go ahead”

“No, you go first!”

“It’s okay, you can start” I insisted.

“First things first, you don’t have to worry about my shares, I’m in the process of selling them back to you. Lee Sung is helping me with that, actually” she dried her palms on the navy blue skirt, “You also don’t have to worry about me working for another company because the NDA I signed is still valid and…”

She paused again as if she was afraid to say whatever it was she wanted to say. Ironically it made me feel better about what I wanted to share. She was just as nervous as I was and that was probably a good sign.

“And?”

“I won’t be working in Korea”

“W-what?” I muttered, eyes wide.

That’s not a good sign at all. In my brain, all kinds of sirens went off.

“I’m moving to London”

And then the sirens stopped, making room for an excruciating silence. I felt like I was deaf because her lips were moving but I couldn't understand a word. My mouth was completely dry. Face was hot, very hot. Hot enough to make my eyes start to sting and the tears come out to relieve them.

“This isn’t how I planned to tell you. I’m sorry” was the first thing I heard when my world started spinning again, “Please know that I’ll always be thankful for you taking a chance on me, teaching so much about the business, and of course, trusting me to help expand Vante beside you” she continued.

“Oh… I…” I stuttered, failing to give Y/N a proper answer.

“It’s a lot to take in, I know” she stared down at her lap.

My facial expression is either hilarious or very scary right now, thank God she's not looking directly at me. I'm trying my absolute hardest to fight back the tears by staying completely still.

“I feel like it’s the right moment to explore other opportunities. I’ve done pretty much the same thing over the last decade and it’s time to try something new” Y/N explained while playing with a loose thread on the sleeve of her white shirt.

“Uh...That’s all I had to say” she suddenly looked up and smiled at me, “Now you go”

Everything I had rehearsed and planned is gone. I have no idea how I was going to start, what I was going to say. I better get straight to the point and just say it. Quick and easy.

“I…”

She watched me intently, eyes searching for something in mine. I eagerly tried to do the same and convey everything I was feeling and that my throat wasn’t allowing with that stupid lump. It was so tight that I thought I was going to die of asphyxiation.

“You...ah” I finally managed to speak and clear my throat, “You ran into my mom yesterday”

“Yeah, I did!” Y/N nodded surprised, “She was so sweet. I hadn’t seen her in a while”

I smiled.

“That’s it? That’s what you wanted to tell me?” she chuckled.

“I know! Silly, right?” I made a silly face and got up, “Anyway, I don’t wanna keep you”

Y/N got up too and as she was talking towards the door she stopped and turned to me, “Isn’t this awkward?”

“A little bit, yeah” I agreed, hands in my pockets, “Are you sure this is what you want?”

“Please don’t make this harder” her expression got serious, a bit darker even.

“I’m not. I’m concerned about you”

“I’m not having this conversation with you, it’s not gonna end well” she started walking again.

“I don’t mean to start a fight, Y/N” I grabbed her wrist, “It’s just…" I let her go once she turned to me, “I can’t watch you walk away like this. It hurts too much, especially because it’s all my fault”

“You already apologized, I accepted and we need to move on” she looked away.

“But…”

She immediately turned and looked me dead in the eyes, “I thought a lot about this, I promise you” 

“You quitted in the middle of an argument”

“I did, but as soon as I calmed down a couple days later I thought about coming back”

“What?” I crossed my arms, “Why didn’t you?”

“That’s when the ‘thinking’ began. I spent a month figuring it all out. Once I reached my decision I immediately went to your house”

“But you didn’t say anything that night” I narrowed my eyes.

“I was planning on it but the topic of conversation changed really quickly” she grabbed her phone and looked at the time, “and I feel like it’s going to happen again right now if we keep diving into it”

I was already feeling restless and then the irritation crept in because I needed to know what was going on in her head. I'm tired of this fucking game.

“I get it and I respect your decision, however, I don’t understand it. At all”

“I’m sorry” she took a step backward.

“Don’t apologize for your feelings,” I took a step forward “just explain to me what’s going on and I’ll try my best to be supportive.” I paused for a second, studied her expression from up close, and grew impatient as she stood there with a blank stare, “If you don’t wanna work here because of me, that’s fine” I walked past her, going over to my desk, “The part that hurts me the most though is that we’re behaving like strangers right now and it’s weird”

“We both said things we can’t take back” she justified while I still had my back to her.

“I don’t care” I turned around, “What I do care is if you still respect me”

“What? Of course, I do” she sounded offended.

Now Tae Hyung, say it! Go for it!

“Great, because–”

“Please, you’re making this really hard for me” she interrupted.

Fuck!

“Why?” I sat down and propped my elbows on the table, zero patience left, ready to hear how I’m the one making this hard for her and not the other way around, “Why?”

“Because this is the toughest decision I had to make” she shouted, walking back to the couch and throwing her purse, “You think I wanted to walk away from this? From you? I had to. The argument we had a month ago was just the last drop of water in a glass that was already threatening to overflow”

She paced back and forth a couple of times, took a deep breath, and continued.

“I thought long and hard, the good, the bad, and everything in between. What you don’t seem to realize is that I didn’t recognize myself anymore” her voice was just a whisper. “I had no life, no plans, no nothing. I was on auto-pilot and I couldn’t take it anymore, it was too much. I had to take control of my life once and for all”

Y/N picks up her purse and approaches my desk.

“That’s why I’m starting over. I’m tired of holding on Tae Hyung, I need to let go. Please let me go”

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

MONDAY, 10:22 p.m.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

“And that’s the last thing I remember. Her storming out of my office” I said before taking another shot of soju, “I don’t remember my meetings, what I ate with my dad, nothing. What time is it by the way?”

“Around 10, I guess. When did you start drinking?”

“Not that long ago, I think 7?” I squint, trying to look at my watch but it’s out of focus.

“She really fucked you up, huh?”

“Yoon Gi, I didn’t call you here for you to remind me of her” I pointed a finger at my friend, “I don’t wanna talk about Y/N”

“You brought her up” he sipped his drink sounding incredibly amused.

“You know what the worst part is? She didn’t let me talk” I pouted.

“No, I know you. If there’s one thing you do and do it well is talk. I think you had plenty of chances to say what you wanted to say. You didn’t because you were scared”

“I was about to. Twice!”

“If you only channeled the energy that goes to arguing with her towards confessing, oh man, your life would be so much easier”

“Oh, I’m sorry, when was the last time you confessed any type of feelings for another human being?” I took another shot and slammed the tiny glass on the counter of the bar, “What a goddamn expert you are, huh?”

“Tae, let me take you home. You need some sleep”

“No, no sleep!” I waved my hands in front of him, “What I need is to talk to Y/N”

“Absolutely not” he put his drink down and stared at me.

“Yoon Gi, please” I put my hand on his shoulder, “I’m doing this with or without you but I much rather if you were there”

“You...you just said you didn’t want to talk about her! Now you want to go see her?” he pinched the bridge of his nose, “What the fuck? I hate drunk Tae Hyung” he complained.

I shrugged, “I’m not drunk, I just changed my mind"

“I’m clearly in charge of a child. I can’t believe this” Yoon Gi got up and grabbed his jacket from the back of the chair.

I did the same, knowing I was in good hands for the rest of the night, “Let’s go!”

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

MONDAY, 11:05 p.m.

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

“I’ll stay in the car, okay? Dong Hyun will park a little bit down the street so we can give you some privacy” Yoon Gi explained, “If you need anything, call. But try not to, okay? Handle your shit for once”

“Okay” I laughed and hugged him.

“Get off me” he pushed me out of the car.

Standing on the sidewalk in front of Y/N’s house, I waited for Yoon Gi's car to drive away to approach the intercom and press the button. A few seconds later, she answered.

“Yes?”

“Hey, it’s me!” I appeared in front of the camera, “I need to talk to you”

“It’s 11 o’clock” she whispered and I could tell she was pissed.

“Yeah, but I really gotta talk to you, can you just come outside?”

Silence.

“Hello? Y/N” I tapped the camera.

More silence.

I went back to the sidewalk, saw the living room light on, and yelled out her name.

“What are you doing here?” she opened the gate and walked over to me wearing a big cozy coat on top of what I guessed was her pajamas.

“Please don’t go!” I blurted it out.

“Stop!” she was full-on angry and stretched her hand out to keep me at a distance.

I approached her, her hand almost touching my suit, “I’m serious”

“Are, are you drunk?” she bent down to look up at my eyes.

“Drunk has such a negative connotation. I think inebriated is a better word for it”

“It’s late Tae Hyung, go home” she turned around to go back inside.

“I’ll be here all night if I have to” I dared, opening my arms.

She held the gate looking at me, “I’ll call the police

“That’s excessive” I cocked my head, “Do it, I don’t care” and shrugged.

“You think this is funny? Are you enjoying this?” Y/N quickly hushed towards me, leaving the gate open.

“No and no” I replied with a shy smile, “I came here because I need to tell you something”

“We said everything we wanted to say this morning”

“No, you did!” I scowled, “Why are you being like this?”

She hugged her coat tighter, arms crossed, chin threatening to tremble, “Please leave”

“Don’t go to London”

“What?” she blinked.

“You heard me. Don’t go. I need you here, I want you here. You belong with me”

Y/N expression was the purest form of shock, “Excuse me?”

“For the last ten years, I’ve been deeply and blindly in love with you. So much so it’s basically second nature to me. I didn’t have to question my feelings because they’ve always been there. You felt like home. You are home. I’ve been trying to tell you this since you came to my house. I’m so sorry it took this long for me to realize how special you are, how wonderful my life is with you in it, and how incredibly lucky I am to even know you”

Y/N’s mouth was slightly open, her expression more relaxed. No raised eyebrows or any indication that those words were bothering her in any way, so I kept going.

“You drive me crazy but I wouldn’t have it any other way! You taught me so much. You are fierce, smart, and funny. I love everything about you!” I chuckled, “From the way you tie your hair to how you handle our meetings. I’m in awe of how strong you are and how much work you put into everything you do” I paused, staring deep into her eyes, “I’m also very thankful to you for being by my side through many ups and downs. I never meant to take your generosity and support for granted, but I have, and it kills me to look back and realize I didn’t appreciate you while you were around. That I didn’t support you when you needed the most”

I could already see her eyes watering as the wind grew stronger around us. I knew it was cold but I couldn't feel a damn thing. The electricity between us was enough to keep me warm.

“And oh my God, I can’t imagine life without you and the thought of it actually scares the shit out of me so please, even though I’m remarkably late, please don’t marry him. Don’t go to London. Choose me. I’ll make up for it, I promise! I’ll spend the rest of my life making amends to you. I’ve never been this honest before, and not only do I need you to believe every single word I just said but also pay close attention to the following three: I love you, Y/N"

Y/N's tears streamed down her face as if they were a river previously prevented from its natural course. She didn't say anything. She simply lifted the back of her hand to her nose and looked away in embarrassment, squeezing her eyes shut, wishing very badly to stop the river from flowing any longer.

“You’re my choice. My only choice” I confessed once she opened her eyes again and faced me.

“Is everything okay, Y/N?” a male voice interjected, making the both of us snap out of our own little world.

What the fuck is he doing here? This cannot be happening. No, no, no!

Y/N got startled when she heard Eric's voice and quickly wiped away her tears without turning around. I, on the other hand, remained in complete shock and didn’t move a muscle.

“Yes!” she sniffed and fixed her hair, trying to regain a little composure, “Mr. Kim was just telling me something important”

Eric walked out and stopped by Y/N side, “Oh! Then would you like to come inside for a cup of tea, Mr. Kim?”

My eyes were certainly already red from before and started to burn even more now watching this scene. I’m confident that the tear stains were still visible on my face and, even though the street light was not the best, Eric had to be blind not to see it.

This is my karma. Having another man put his arm around the woman I love and comfort her when I should be the one doing it instead of being the asshole who put her in that position in the first place. 

It's time for me to accept defeat. At least I tried.

“No no, it’s fine. I said everything I needed to say. You guys have a good night, alright?” I bowed.

“Thank you, drive safe!” Eric said, bowing back.

“I almost forgot” I looked back at both of them and tried to smile,

“Congratulations on your engagement!” and then focused my attention on Y/N, not caring at all if Eric would notice it, “Be happy”

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ A/N²: in this chapter i wanted to express the feeling that we all have when something big and exciting is about to happen and you can't seem to concentrate properly until it does. to me, it feels like there are only fragments of conversations, actions or thoughts being registered into the brain, you know?

you don't pay much attention to the world around you so it's like flashes & there isn't much coherence to them because in the back of your mind the focus is 'the thing' it's about to happen. in tae's case, it's confessing his love for y/n.

hopefully my attempt to demonstrate that came off as natural instead of confusing. thanks for reading <3

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀

𝗳𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗺𝘂𝗰𝗵 𝘄𝗲𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗱 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗮𝗽𝗽𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗱 ❤ 𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗺𝗲 𝗮 𝗿𝗲𝗽𝗹𝘆 𝗼𝗿 𝗮𝗻 𝗮𝘀𝗸! 𝗶 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗹𝗼𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗯𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝘆

⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ revised version: 09.25.2021

dear soulmate • knj one shot

summary: once a year, the system assigns soulmates according to the sincerity of their submission letters. ready to have your lives completely changed, namjoon and you sign up for the program, receiving on the first week of january the highly anticipated green envelope with each other's message

rating: pg warnings: none word count: 3.614 pairing: namjoon x reader genre: romance, fluff tags: soulmate!au, strangers to lovers additional tags: idol!namjoon, soulmate!namjoon

☆ disclaimer: this is a work of fiction taken from the depths of my imagination, which takes place in an alternative universe (AU) and has no real connection with people, places or organizations. everything you will read is fictional and created by me. i do not authorize its reproduction, translation or publication, partially or entirely © mrsparknamjoon

As soon as Namjoon received your letter, it was difficult for him to control the emotion and stop his hands from shaking. He could barely pull the emerald green envelope out of the mailbox. The package itself was unmistakable and everyone knew that soulmate mail arrived in the first week of January.

Taking a deep breath twice, the boy dried his now slightly sweaty hands on his jeans and stuffed one into the metal box with the number 1902 plastered on the front. Oh, that was really exciting! Namjoon couldn’t believe his eyes. Contrasting the green paper were the golden letters in a cursive font as if someone had written with liquid gold and a quill. Okay, maybe not an actual quill, but the poor boy was finding it all very fascinating and somewhat magical.

Holding the envelope close to his chest as if it were a newborn child who demanded the utmost care and protection, Kim Namjoon, the Korean idol and leader of the most successful group in the music industry, entered the elevator and violently pressed the number 19.

As it began ascending he repeated impatiently “Up! Up! Up!” and stared at the display above the door wishing that damn elevator was faster. "Come on!!!"

Ding.

"We’re stopping? No! No stopping!” said Namjoon exasperated while still holding the envelope as tight as he could.

"Good morning, Mr. Kim!”

“Good morning, Mrs. Lee!” the boy replied with a smile on his face as soon as the neighbor entered. After two seconds the dimples disappeared and he pressed even harder the button on the panel in front of him that closed the doors.

“Ah ... special delivery, I see. I'm sorry to disturb you, dear” said the nice old lady.

Namjoon was embarrassed. "You didn't disturb me, I'm just a little anxious" he confessed.

"It's normal. Enjoy every second, it happens only once in your life” Mrs. Lee replied with a sincere smile that turned her eyes into two crescent moons. "I remember like it was yesterday when I received mine..."

Before Namjoon could ask more about Mrs. Lee's soulmate, the elevator doors opened on his floor.

“I have to go, Mrs. Lee, but I'd love to hear about it one day” he said, scratching the back of his head a bit flustered.

“It will be a pleasure, Mr. Kim” said the neighbor, waving as the doors closed once more.

Namjoon walked in a hurry to the end of the corridor, stopping in front of his apartment door. This wasn't the dorm he shared with the boys, but his own place where he spent a few days a week, when their schedule allowed, and most of his days off. It was minimalist but cozy. Several paintings and sculptures scattered throughout the rooms. It was the perfect place to disconnect from the world and relax, and it was obviously secluded and quiet enough for him to read the most important piece of paper of his life with no interruptions.

When he finally found his keys, they slipped from his hand and dropped to the floor. Poor Joon, the level of nervousness had exceeded any acceptable limit and he was beginning to wonder if he would be able to read the whole letter or if he was going to pass out while on the first line. He was glad it arrived today, when he was here, imagine if the package had been in the mailbox for weeks? That is something the boy would never have forgiven himself for.

The beginning of the year was always hectic for the group since they had several international commitments and rarely stayed in Korea, but alas, this year things were different. The comeback was scheduled for May and the press tour in the United States was in early June. Isn't it funny how the universe works sometimes?

After successfully entering his home without dropping anything else, Namjoon took off his sneakers in the foyer as fast as he could and ran to the sofa, settling himself comfortably with a pillow in his lap to support the much-desired emerald envelope. He had turned in his letter about 4 months ago and the wait became agonizing as January approached. In the last week of December, he was barely able to concentrate on the interviews and had to make an absurd amount of effort to hide what was happening. Lucky for him, the rest of the group was very understanding and helped by answering most questions.

Speaking of questions, Namjoon repeated a few in his head while looking at the envelope in front of him:

Who is my soulmate? When will we meet? Has she read my letter yet? Or worse, did she like it?

Rather than simply opening the damn package as he had imagined so vividly for many nights, Namjoon simply froze. He felt the huge responsibility fall on his shoulders with a sudden weight. New doubts began swirling in his mind.

Was it a good idea? Will I be able to do this? What if it doesn't work out? Will I spend the rest of my life alone?             

"Breathe, Joon ... just breathe" he said to himself, closing his eyes and resting his hands on top of the envelope.

After a few seconds, he felt ready to start, and with his eyes closed, he began to tear one end of the envelope calmly and precisely. When the paper strip was free and in his right hand, Namjoon opened cautiously one eye and glanced at the object in his lap as if it was a ticking bomb.

"This is ridiculous" he said, opening his other eye realizing how pathetic he probably looked right now.

The boy then proceeded to pull a stack of neatly folded papers out of the envelope where the first of them said:

Dear soulmate,

I don't really know where to start. I postponed writing this letter for a long time and I'm sorry if it’s not to your liking or doesn't help at all, but that's me. Confused with life, with my feelings... with everything. I've been working on myself a lot and I hope you are patient.

I don’t know when you will receive this letter, or better yet, the time between my writing and it finally reaching your hands. We’re not supposed to say specific dates but there are only a few days left until my 29th birthday. Are you older than me? Younger? Will you care about my age? Probably not. It doesn't matter anyway, we are destined.

I should start by saying that…

What should I say?

What’s one interesting thing about me? Let's see …

Nothing terribly unique and extraordinary. I’m not extraordinary, but I would love to live extraordinary moments. Can you help me with that? And I don’t mean big moments in terms of proportion or even romantic gestures, I’m not that ambitious, only amazing memories that cannot be replicated by anyone other than the two of us.

Is it too much to ask?

Are you up for it?

I love being alive. Yeah, you should know that, it's a big part of who I am. The only problem is that I haven't been feeling myself for the past few years and excuse me for being so upfront about it. Although many good things have happened, I feel like something is missing, something I can't quite put my finger on. It's a void within me that, on most nights, I can ignore or supply in another way. But there are times when it comes in full force and kind of disables me.

Lying in bed at night, tears come silently and blur my view. Involuntarily I start to dry them out with the back of my hand but they persist and run down my cheeks towards the pillow. I change positions, close my eyes, try to focus on my heartbeat, thinking 'hey, you're alive, it's going to be okay' but my breath hitches, the sobs build up inside me, and I can’t do anything about it other than just feel. It's an out of body experience where I find myself in pure despair and anguish. So I stay like that for hours until tiredness wins and delivers me to sleep.

Why did I tell you all this? Maybe I should erase it…

No, I’ll keep it.

You need to know what you're 'getting into'.

By the way, I want to make it very clear that I don't need to be saved from anything. Much less from myself. I don't want you to fix me. I don't expect you to bring solutions to my inner struggles. It would be great though if you gave me an opening so that I could enter your life, get to know you, learn about all your virtues and defects, share your crazy things (you must have it! Everyone does), and love you in my weird way.

And I say ‘weird’ because I don't think I express love like everyone else does. At first, I thought I wasn’t capable of love, for real. Then I realized that I was but I loved the wrong people. In the end, I had an epiphany: I had so much love inside of me that I went around giving it all out, even to those who didn't deserve it. I desperately wanted to be loved back, at any cost, by anyone really, because maybe that person was the person who would prove me wrong like: yes, I am lovable.

Today, of course, I don't need that anymore. I know that I am lovable because I love myself a lot and it’s freaking great. I love myself wholeheartedly. I have so many qualities too, by the way, but I think it would be presumptuous to quote them all here. I would like to introduce you to each of them in person for what I hope to be the rest of our lives so I can't wait to meet you.

I promise to listen to you, support you, encourage you, and always think about your mental well-being. I promise to be a real partner, whom you can really rely and count on. I probably won’t understand your past, your insecurities, or your fears but I'll give my all to make our bond stronger every day and I'll show myself worthy of your trust. I'll put myself in your shoes and fight for what you believe too. We’ll be a team!

I don't know if this letter had any effect on you but honestly, I feel better now that I finished writing it. Apparently, you've already started helping me without even knowing me. Thank you!

With gratitude, Your soulmate.

Namjoon was speechless, his lips slightly parted and totally dry, his heart beating so fast and hard that he could feel the pounding in his ears. What he just read was undoubtedly the most genuine expression of feelings, and that says a lot because he had been surrounded for the past ten years by musicians, composers, and artists, people whose work depended directly on expression. He already felt like a lucky guy because of all the people in the world his soulmate was a true good person and equally interested in embarking on this journey with him.

 -----------------------------

 January 7th, the day your life changed forever.

It was a rainy Thursday and you were lying in bed looking out your window, analyzing the droplets forming one by one on the glass, and wondering if it was too early to go down and check the mailbox. A glance at the clock on the bedside table confirmed: 5:12 was, in fact, obscenely early and the postman most likely is not even awake.

As hard as you tried it was very difficult not to think how meaningful it was to receive the green envelope because not everyone had this opportunity throughout their lives. To become fit for the process it was necessary to:

1. Be born with the mark 2. Be over 25 years old 3. Write an honest letter

Among those who were not born with the mark, the reasons varied between 'your soulmate would not incarnate in the same timeframe as you in this life', 'this was yours and your soulmate's first life together and you should meet in order to form the bond' or 'unknown reason'. The unknown reason was a problem because there weren’t many studies on the subject and people within that category tended to think it was like a punishment, but for what exactly, they didn't know and maybe never would.

Fortunately, you fit the three requirements perfectly and a few days before your 29th birthday, you gathered your courage and sent the most honest letter you could write after two and a half glasses of wine. This was an important step because letters that did not contain pure feelings were automatically discarded by the system. The selection was purely based on energy, like a magnet. Those that emanated sincerity were "attracted" and those that were not, discarded right away. It was a way for the system to keep itself free of fraud and just pair the interested, committed, and ready soulmates.

What happens to the discarded letters? Well, from what you heard about your cousin who worked at the government headquarters, the sender receives a notice with a new delivery date for the letter. In total, three chances were given. Whoever failed in all three could only have a new opportunity to find their soulmate in the next life — which is horrible for the other person, isn't it? If she or he did the process correctly it should be all right, but like any relationship, this was a two-way street and required commitment from both sides. It didn't happen very often, but it was still frustrating to receive the red envelope basically saying “next time, ‘kay?”.

It is possible to live and love another person throughout life. Finding your soulmate isn't mandatory, but most people yearned for this deep connection and one of the reasons why the system has worked so well for hundreds of years. It was unlike anything else, totally addictive!

After submitting the letter, you felt as if a weight had been lifted from you, but a twinge of concern remained in the back of your mind. How long did your soulmate wait for the envelope to be delivered? Just imagining that he could have spent more than one January waiting makes your heart sink — but you pushed those thoughts away as fast as they arrived because now was not the time for distractions!

When you finally got up at 5:50 after turning over in bed like a pancake you went straight to the bathroom and drew a bath with all the oils and essences you were entitled to. Even some candles you lit! Today would start on the right foot, yes sir.

While preparing breakfast, you hit play on your favorite playlist to set the mood properly and also keep you distracted. Checking the mailbox at ten seemed like a reasonable decision, you reflected as you set up the coffee machine, neither too early nor too late. Surely by then, the long-waited green envelope would have been pristinely placed in the box hanging at the gate of your house.

Time seemed to be moving in slow motion and there was nothing you could do to deflect your thoughts about being in imminent proximity to your soulmate. Okay, it was just a piece of paper and not actually him, but you couldn't help feeling anxious and slightly excited either way. Trying to work amid this anxiety was useless, however, something inside told you it would be okay and, for now, it was enough. 

“Focus, focus, focus!” you repeated, closing your eyes tightly.

The second the alarm on your phone rang indicating it was ten in the morning, your heart almost went out through your mouth. 

“This is it. It’s happening!” you took a deep breath, standing up in front of the sofa and, after a few seconds adjusting your hair and clothes, went to the front door, towards your future.

The distance between the door and the mailbox could not be more than 10 steps, but at that very moment, it seemed like 10 miles. Curiosity was practically excruciating, it bubbled up inside you and was about to spill out. When your hand lowered the lid, your eyes could immediately see the most beautiful shade of green that ever existed and which also perfectly symbolized the moment: new beginnings. You reached the package with your fingertips and then pulled it towards you in one swift motion, holding it in both hands, staring with teary eyes the golden letters displaying your name very brightly. Thank God the rain stopped, you wanted to keep the envelope forever and any drop of water near it would be absolutely disastrous.

Now sitting at the dining table and using a paper-knife, you carefully cut one side of the envelope and pulled a surprising amount of paper out of it. All of them are properly aligned and folded in a single stash. The first page made your heart skip a beat as it said:

Dear soulmate,

I look forward to meeting you. It's a shame we can't describe ourselves in the letters, I would love to imagine you by my side. Not that I care about physical appearance, it's not that, it's simply easier to imagine the moments we will spend together. I'm not trying to trick you, I promise!

What I do for a living is different and I am scared that you might not receive it very well. I mean... I'm afraid of what it can do to your life to the point where you'll end up resenting me in the future. The thing is: I love what I do but I would be devastated if it resulted in something negative for you.

I'm sorry, I'm anxious.

I have a bit of experience with writing and different ways of showing my feelings, but this letter is probably one of the pieces that I had the most difficulty composing. Am I allowed to say that? Anyway, please know that I'll always prioritize our communication, telling you about my day, which makes me feel good, what upsets me and how I'm feeling. I won't hide anything from you, I don't want to.

I wonder if you like to talk. I love it. Do you like to read too? I already have a list of books I want to pick your brain about. In general, I’m a pretty reserved guy, who reflects a lot about the meaning of life — is that too weird? I don’t think so. It would be too cruel for us to be predestined without having anything in common, right? I can’t wait to have intense conversations over breakfast about the most random stuff. I’m a fun person, I swear!

As I write this letter, I am sitting on the balcony of my apartment, it's night and I can see thousands of lights on the horizon giving life to the city. Are you there? Do you think of me? In the last few years I didn't have much time to think about you, I must say, but a few months ago I started to feel this emptiness inside my heart. As if something is missing. Anything nice that happened over that period of time I would get excited, of course, but it wasn't 100% genuine because there was still this voice in the back of my head telling me: more.

I decided to accept that, yes, I want more. I already have a lot and admittedly it would be very selfish of me to wish even further, but to what extent should I sacrifice myself? How long do I ignore these deep feelings? I see my friends with their soulmates and I think that's what I need — someone to fill that void. But not filling it out in terms of "if I don't have it my life is meaningless or it will end" but rather like "a deep connection like this can add and intensify life" and I love living. Don't get me wrong, I am very happy and accomplished... I just need.... someone to share it all with.

I hope you are an understanding, intelligent, and patient person. There are many things that I don't know and need to learn, but I’m always so ashamed of asking for help. Who knows? Perhaps by your side, I’ll give up my insecurities and let myself be taught? I think I'm ready! Are you?

Ah, before I forget, no matter what, you're going to have a friend in me. A true, sincere, fair, and caring confidant. And if you allow me, I'll lead both of our lives in a confident, relaxed, and stimulating way. We will walk side by side, always.

Well, that was all I had to say.

See you soon!

With love, Your soulmate.

You cried and laughed simultaneously while reading and rereading the letter at least five times. It was absurdly surreal what was going on. You felt like the center of attention for the first time in your life. You were desired. Expected. A completely new and overwhelming sensation that permeated every cell in your body. Your soulmate hasn't even touched you yet and the goosebumps on your skin are already visible. Not to mention that right off the bat he seemed adorable. The way he spoke was as if he already knew you, already understood how your mind works. Cautious, polite, and funny — that was your soulmate. What a lucky girl you are, huh?