Owlskitten - Lurker, Not A Bot - Tumblr Blog

Getting a lot of mileage lately out of saying "I hope they turn into a newt/I'm going to turn them into a newt" instead of I hope they die/I'm going to kill them. Same effect in terms of expressing your desire that the subject will never meaningfully affect your life again, cannot possibly be construed as a serious death threat. As a bonus it makes you sound like a witch. Flawless lexicographical substitution imho.

i love digesting lactose it’s so easy to do

i want you all to know that today i saw someone with a tuba get into a subaru with the license plate "tubaru"

if a surgeon says you have to fast, you have to fast. end of story.

if a surgeon says your child has to fast, they have to fast. even if they are rreeeaaaallly hungry. even if they beg for food. even if they cry. even if they throw a tantrum. even if they scream for hours.

if a surgeon says you have to fast, you have to fast.

My mother’s friend is intersex. When she was born (in the early 60’s) her parents wanted a son so they told to doctors to remove all of her female organs. When she was in her mid 30s she realized she was a woman and began to transition. Her parents disowned her. Her parents disowned her for making the exact same choice that they did, for making a choice that should have been hers to begin with.

we need to destigmatize dropping out of college I am so serious. like dude if u realize that is Bad For You then you can just Leave. I am so fucking serious. just stop. there are other options and you don’t need to force yourself through shit you can’t do and go into debt. i promise you can just Not.

As an adult you must cultivate the skill of “Gross! Oh, well. Not my business.”

As someone who works with social history for a living, I feel like I’m the aggressive opposite of an anti-vaxxer

I fucking LOVE vaccines, friends. Give me the science stab. I’m so ready. it’s a beautiful day to not die of a Bajillion and one diseases that carried off like half the population before they had even reached age 10, and a significant portion before they made it to old age, 150 years ago

I go to the old cemetery. I see the vast numbers of infant and child and young adult graves. And then I go to my doctor and get injected with Potion of Fuck That Noise. This is beautiful and miraculous and I do not remotely understand how some people can reject it – not just for themselves, but for their children

being unemployed is rad but being unemployed in a world that treats employment as a necessity that completes you as a person while also having zero access to unemployment benefits is maybe not so good

sometimes when i’m bored i stare at a wall and imagine Vulcan Tiktok.

Vulcan mom vlogger puts foundation on her vulcan child so no one can see him blushing while he is still learning to control his emotions. a guy stitches the video barrating HER for being illogical- mastering emotion is a difficult task for young vulcans and stigmatizing it IS illogical. it gets 2.3 million likes.

Vulcan comedy videos of supposedly a man making recipes of Orion/Klingon/Human dishes except in every video they substitute ingredients until the video ends with Plomeek Soup every time.

Tiktok lives of lessons on The Teachings Of Surak and at least once an hour they have to respond to comments to say “no, Surak did not state that calling your ex is illogical, but that still does not mean it is logical”

Vulcan teenagers still do dumb shit just like Human Teenagers do, but now they just cover it with “it is logical to test the boundaries of logic, to further our mental o and philosophies.” and no one buys their bs but unless it’s illegal nobody cares enough to stop them

AMITA tiktok’s still remain extremely popular, just in a AMIIL (Am I Illogical) formula

something about the way rekha narrated going to a chef store immediately brought me back to the starstruck chefs tools debacle

Handsome Jet Plane Never Stops Blowing Up

genuinely cant stop thinking about whatever early human first looked a literal wolf full in the face and thought domestication would be fun but ALSO cant stop thinking about the ENTIRE early human tribe that absolutely did NOT think to stop them

we need more vampire stuff that’s set really really far north on the planet. the potential… we don’t have any sunlight for a couple of months every year so they would literally be able to walk around during the day and no one would know…

“Why is snoop dogg at the Olympics-“

WRONG QUESTION!

WHY ISNT MARTHA STEWART THERE WITH HIM?

“Don’t lean your chair back, if you fall and hurt yourself I’ll have to do paperwork.” is surprisingly effective.

“Looks like I’m winning at cleanup!” was actual magic with one particular competitive kindergartener.

The point about being 99.9% chill improving the reaction to your 0.1% is super true. I can make my voice just slightly firm and kids know I mean business - because I never waste that voice on dumb crap. You’re drawing on your face in ballpoint pen? I’m going to laugh at how silly you look. You’re rolling on the ground while answering my questions? This is actually my goal, we don’t have a problem. You’re hitting the dog or about to jet outside without shoes? That’s when you get Teacher Voice.

And yes, establishing a relationship where you can just incredulously say “dude does that ever work on me?” or “bro are you kidding me?” is fantastic for their self-monitoring.

Best attribute you can have working with kids is chillness. You can and should still enforce rules and expectations, but kids pick up massively on vibes and if you are chill, you become a dam to unchillness

sudden urge to burst into tears. im not a toddler i just agree with their beliefs

I’m not sure we’ve properly analyzed the hilarious power of Kristen’s, “When you’re here, you’re family. It’s called being gay.” Kristen is rebelling against her family and accepting a chosen family. Rebelling against the APPLEBEES family. With an OLIVE GARDEN reference.

“X bodily fluid is just filtered blood!” buddy I hate to break it to you but ALL of the fluids in your body are filtered blood. Your circulatory system is how water gets around your body. It all comes out of the blood (or lymph, which is just filtered blood).

If you routinely refer to every politician by their last name except for the women who you’re always apparently on a first name basis with, maybe spare a moment to ponder that habit.