I Used To Write

I Used to Write

I used to write. I used to have paper and pens and pencils and crayons and markers stuffing my purse to bursting, and I used to USE them. My purse would be full of character ideas and dialogue and descriptions of lights and sounds and emotion. There were words in everything I did, my mind narrating my every action as if I were in a parallel fantasy world.

And now my purse is full of pens that don’t work, pencils with no lead, and half-filled papers with faded words that will never know their fate. My mind only speaks my fears. I feel nothing but regret and longing for a time where I could feel more. I used to write.

DOES MARINETTE’S SCHOOL NOT HAVE CAMERAS????? I’M REWATCHING THE LADYBUG EPISODE WHY DID SHE GET EXPELLED WHERE THE FRICK ARE THE CAMERAS WHAT THE FRICK

I’m still frustrated at my last therapist because she really insinuated that asexuals don’t have feelings. She was trying to explain the difference between romantic and platonic relationships and kept saying it was about the sexual attraction, but I brought up that asexuals can still have romantic relationships, and then I had to explain what that was and then she was like “oh yes, I know about that” and I was like “clearly you don’t”. But she continued and said “If a person brings their partner flowers, their partner will like it, but asexuals won’t have that same feeling.”

“What if the asexual likes flowers? Wouldn’t they still be happy with it?”

“Asexuals wouldn’t be able to feel that because they can’t feel like normal people do. They don’t have emotions.” Or something along those lines. I repeated it slowly back to her, and she quickly backtracked but it didn’t seem like her response was very different.

I’m trying to write a character that has a crush on their friend, but writing about someone having a crush is just so. . . cringey. It comes off insincere and shallow, and I just keep sitting here like “my friends are spending time on this?” Maybe it’s just because I don’t know how it feels, but this is just so awkward and I hate it.

Aro story time

So my friend who I am not interested in asked me to prom and I didn’t want to hurt his feelings so I said yes. Prom happened, it was okay, kind of awkward, but I found some of my friends at the dance and hung out with them. Doorstep time, he confessed that he had feelings for me, and in an attempt to reject him kindly, I think I accidentally led him on. Because I told him, “You know I identify as aromantic, so I could never like you back in that way,” and then I got worried about his response so I said, “but I’ve always said I could see myself marrying a best friend.” And then we hugged and I kissed him on the cheek, but I don’t even see him as a best friend?? And I still don’t know what to do about that even a year later because he moved away for work and he comes back in like a week but I don’t want to talk to him really because I'm scared he’ll ask me on a date help

it’s really weird to me that my life is MY life. like, it could have been someone else’s life, but instead it’s mine. so what am I gonna do with it?