Doodle..

doodle…..

i just want them to be happy B(

(you go guys go and watch In the Flesh!)

Please do not break my heart, I think it’s had enough pain to last the rest of my life.

In the Flesh fandom may be small (atm) but our ship is canon 

Amy once asked me how many miles I’d have to go before I could be okay with myself. I thought I’d have to go around the whole world.

Kieren and Rick’s relationship is just so weird and interesting. This is probably the brightest, happiest, most enthusiastic smile we get from Kieren in all of both series. But look at their physical interaction. Rick is allowed to get into Kieren’s space, to lean against his chair and move closer to him, but Kieren is not allowed in Rick’s space. When Rick moves in, when their hands almost touch, Kieren automatically moves his hands away and leans back, putting some space between them. He does it so automatically and so quickly that he doesn’t really know what to do with his hands once they’ve moved. And Rick doesn’t even seem to notice. Kieren’s picking at his nails before Rick moves closer, and then clenches his hands and moves them away from Rick’s arm. He’s so used to hiding what they are, to restraining touches and any sort of friendly affection to the cave, to pretending he’s not as attached to Rick as he is. And yet, like I said, this is the happiest we ever see him look.

I think Kieren is incredibly dependent on Rick and his relationship with Rick (or at least the way he perceives his relationship with Rick) in a pretty unhealthy way. I mean, it literally killed him. But it also meant he was forced, probably for years, to hide who he was and hide his relationship with Rick and to keep so many things suppressed inside of him. He was forced to endure shit from Bill Macy, forced to even hide their friendship on some level, since he hadn’t been allowed in the Macy house since he was 14. He probably spent a lot of time hearing Rick make excuses for his dad, or not being able to do things because of his dad, or seeing Rick pull away from him because he’s afraid of what Bill or the rest of the town might say. Kieren was bullied, probably for most of his life, by the town for being different. Rick didn’t seem to have that problem. He’s (rightfully) terrified of his father, but I think he’s also scared of being in the same situation as Kieren, having to deal with being bullied. So Kieren is forced to hide himself and hide who he is and hide their relationship because he is so dependent on Rick for friendship and love and probably even protection from bullying.

But I think it’s something neither of them notice. They’ve been friends for so long, and it’s part of the family and village culture to repress things, ignore things, pretend strange or uncomfortable things aren’t there or aren’t happening. Their relationship developed naturally, and I’m not sure if Rick, or even Kieren, knows just how intense Kieren’s feelings for Rick are.

Goregous trio drawn by amazing and talented charlotvanh!

There’s what I believe… and then there’s you.