Taking Notes, Nodding Thoughtfully While Reading Your Lily Thoughts And I Realized I Struggle To Understand

taking notes, nodding thoughtfully while reading your lily thoughts and I realized I struggle to understand her as a character because everything she is in canon is so muddied by who she is in relation to everyone else. I want her to have a hermit era where she locks herself in her apartment every night learning some new little craft just for the satisfaction of mastering it and I want her to have a going out era where she’s at the bars every weekend and everyone’s watching her but she only dances with her friends and always goes home alone. Like I need to her to live her best life outside of who she is to other people, and see how that’s realized for her. What crafts would she learn behind closed doors, what’s her getting ready routine?

I’ve had friends who feel very much defined by who they are to other people and the expectations surrounding them and it’s interesting to question their conception of themselves - a lot of times, I’ve found they don’t have the words to describe themselves without invoking other people’s opinions of them, even if it’s just an attempt to diminish the reality of those opinions (ex. “I’m not *that* good at piano” etc etc). I want to know how Lily would describe herself and what she sees when she looks back on her accomplishments.

anyways. thank you always for your thoughts 💕

this is such a beautiful message, it’s so thoughtful and well-put. i agree that i find her challenging to pin down because she only (canonically) exists in relation to others but that struggle is what always brings me back to her…

i tend to see lily as profoundly lonely but in a secret way that only makes her more Singular. i think her private life (her getting ready routine!! her daily rituals!!) is extremely well-cultivated because she is used to being misunderstood/projected on but it’s the fact that she appears so self-sustaining that gives her that special halo she has. lily always has little private things it seems she’s doing just for herself (it’s to make the daily experience of Being Herself feel more bearable… she’s trying to assert borders on the nothingness by giving herself Things Lily Does) but it makes others want to watch her and guess at what she’s thinking.

the flipside of this question, to me, is also that it is addictive to be loved in the way that lily is. she doesn’t have a clear picture of who she is (profoundly lonely also means empty) and it can be freeing to have an outsider offer a flattering one for you: when she’s the object of love, she’s a beautiful intelligent witch and even apparent flaws like her temper become charming & palatable facets of this picture. it feels really good to be that girl.

i think it’s less a question of expectations and more one of definitions. her relationship with petunia interests me the most because her sister refuses to see her as Special, and if lily isn’t Special then she’s nothing at all. and that’s really horrifying but it’s also part of her reality.

to me, what happened to her (dying young and getting made into a saint, essentially) is the best thing that could have happened - because she in a sense escaped her own self and Became “that girl” permanently in collective memory. i think she’s pathologically committed to her own self-mythologizing and that’s an answer itself.

I used to think all my teddy bears were alive and just pretended to be objects because they thought the truth would freak me out and it terrified me.

I used to have little chats with them trying to reassure them that we’re friends and they can tell me anything but also I thought they hated me because I couldn’t fit all of them onto my bed and sometimes I picked favorites and sometimes my siblings would throw them around to mess with me.

I thought they were biding their time, preparing to take vengeance for years of abuse. I believed this until I was 11 and one of my teddy bears didn’t come back to me after I lost them and thought “okay, well if he was sentient we would have come back”.

…But what if he didn’t come back because they DID all hate me?

"People stared at the makeup on his face, laughed at his long black hair, his animal grace. The boy in the bright blue jeans jumped up on the stage, lady stardust sang his songs; of darkness and disgrace."

JUST SAY SIRIUS BLACK GODDDDDD

divorced couple energy ship will always be immaculate to me. we hate each other. we've seen each other naked. I know how you take your morning coffee. I will never make you your morning coffee again. get it yourself. here you go, I gave it to you anyway. you disgust me. I will always be somewhat in love with you. I will be yours forever. you're not mine anymore. you will always be mine. fuck you. let's fuck, for old time's sake. did you steal my cd? no, no. keep it.

hold on a second man…

Plsplsplsplsplsplsplsplsplspls