You, Yourself (diluc)

you, yourself (diluc)

pairing - diluc ragnvindr x gender neutral reader

word count - 2552

genre - angst with comfort

format - fic

warnings - changing yourself for the sake of others, crying, one sided discourse

summary - after a long day of work and fueled by exhaustion, diluc impulsively says some things he doesn't mean to you, his lover, and is confused when the next day you aren't acting like yourself and more like him.

a/n - yeah this is heavy. changing yourself to please others really sucks. additional note, the reader is a bit stylized for plot purposes meaning they have a bit of a personality to them but i still hope it makes for a good angsty experience. there'll be more of this topic with the other characters i write for which is why diluc's name is in brackets :)

content under the cut!

if master diluc were to embody wispy shadows and the darkness of night, you were a basket of sunshine and embodied warm, fuzzy bumble bees.

diluc himself wasn't exactly sure how he'd managed to fall at your feet, heart on his sleeve instead of locked away behind his chest. for someone who lives in the dark, you were the end of the tunnel, his bright light. he'd managed to stumble his way into love and yet you welcomed him with open arms, took his hands and said "we'll do it together."

you were no different, always the bubbly and cheerful one you'd found yourself at a loss for words when one day you realized the elusive and mysterious master diluc had captured your heart. in a way his liking to the shadows and quiet demeanor drew you in not unlike a moth to a flame.

you weren't total opposites though, after all a relationship needs to have some middle ground. you both loved chess, private time, and a good book in the early moments of evening when the crickets in the bushes that surrounded dawn winery had yet to come out.

a bit of an "oddball couple" (as kaeya affectionately referred to the pair of you), it wasn't uncommon for many locals to see your hand intertwined with the wine tycoon's as you walked towards angel's share—you rambling on about a pretty butterfly or the like you'd seen during your commissions today, while diluc simply nodded and listened along with a loving smile on his face.

diluc at first was hesitant to reach out to someone so luminous like yourself. where you thrived in light he lurked in shadows and he wasn't all that sure that his affections would manifest into anything meaningful. he can still fondly recall your comment on his perception: "to hell with opposites! i like you, you like me, that's all that matters!" you had said with the biggest grin you had to offer.

and you were right, despite your differences the only fact that mattered was that you loved each other. you both believed so at least.

but as of late, diluc's patience had been running thin. the lack of sleep combined with hours upon hours of work both for his business and for the protection of mondstat left him weary and lethargic. by the end of the week he felt little more than a shell of a man.

today, he'd woken up with a glorious three hours of sleep to his name, left in a hurry without the breakfast you carefully prepared (to which he deeply apologized with a kiss on your cheek), sat through countless boring meetings, and sifted through mountains of transportation and quality check documents.

by the time he was to bartend at angel's share for the night, the exhaustion was visible on his sullen face. the shot glasses in his palms felt as heavy as lead, and though drink orders came in through one end of his ear, they always exited out the other side like the faintest of winds. and something else brewed quietly within the confinements of his mind: anger fueled by exhaustion and frustration. he'd almost snapped at a nearby drunkard but managed to reign himself in, though he didn't know how long he could keep it up.

"maybe you should take a break boss..." diluc was brought back from his thoughts into reality when charles placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.

"...i'm fine," he meant to mumble, but it emerged from his lips more like a sour grumble.

he turned to resume mixing drinks when your hand came to rest upon his knuckles, stilling his movements.

"actually charles, he'll take you up on that suggestion. come on diluc." you gently pried the glass away from him.

"(y/n)." from his stern eyes and warning tone alone you could tell he wasn't happy with your interjection.

"i'm sorry, but you need some rest, even for just a few minutes." you smiled apologetically and took him by the arm, pushing the back entrance door open in the process.

the cool night air did little to calm the simmering anger and frustration that had been swimming in the deepest pits of his stomach for the past few days. in an attempt to get a grip on himself, he leaned his forearms on the wooden beams and massaged his burning temples with the tips of his fingers.

"feeling better?" with a gentle smile you placed your palm on his shoulder.

"...quite." he grunted, though his grainy voice betrayed his response.

"you don't really think i'd believe that right?" your teasing smile fell when he made no move to reciprocate or validate your comment. "you've been working so hard lately," you paused to collect your thoughts, and tried to pick up the mood with your signature brightness, "but on the bright side at least you've accomplished so much! i'm very proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too." still, no answer from your lover.

heaving a heavy sigh, you spoke up once again. "you're doing your best no matter what, i hope you realize tha-"

"must you always be like this?" the atmosphere suddenly grew cold and bitter, as did his voice.

"be...be like what?" your smile grew confused and began to feel out of place on your face.

"you drag me out here in the middle of a shift and for what- for me to listen to your rambles again?" he sucked in a sharp breath through gritted teeth and met your puzzled eyes, the ends of his fingers dug into the polished wooden banister in front of him.

"di-"

"there's no end to it is there? you simply ramble on and on and expect me to listen but there's only so much i can take. archons forbid you ever shut your mouth for once." the eyes that had looked at you so fondly this morning now burned with quiet passion, as if the gentle flips of a fan over cooling embers had begun to rapidly move up and down. you stood in utter bewilderment and hurt, each syllable of his words slapping you across the face like a whip.

diluc however, seemed not to notice the utter look of pain on your face. the rims of your eyes began to pool with tears as you desperately looked at him for any sense of rationality.

"diluc could we talk-"

i simply do not have time for this, please excuse me." he scoffed and brushed past you back in through the doors of the tavern.

and all you could do was stand there, watching as his figure retreated past the wooden door, and let his words ferment in your mind as tears cascaded down your face.

the words you so badly wanted to speak got caught in your throat and coagulated in place.

***

diluc doesn't remember how he managed to fumble through his last shift at angel's share, nor does he remember exactly how he somehow stumbled home and flopped into bed still wearing his day clothes. what he does remember is the feel of your hand on his knuckles, and nothing else. everything was a blur mixed in with exhaustion and frustration.

the morning greeted him with an aching spine that sent shoots of pain down towards his legs. unconsciously, his hands stretched out seeking the warmth of your body...

...only to find your side of the bed cold. his eyes snapped open and, though blearily, he scanned the room in search of your figure. perhaps you'd simply gotten up to use the restroom or change clothes. but much to his bewilderment, you were nowhere in sight. your side of the bed had been neatly made. the satchel you usually carried everywhere hung from a nearby rack in the entrance to the bedroom.

confused, he managed to clamber off of his awkward sleeping position from the bed and went about his morning routine. the feeling of going through the motions of his morning felt off without you by his side, reminding him to brush in circles instead of straight lines, or adjusting the broach on his chest while he fumbled with the buttons of your shirt.

he finished up and pulled open his bedroom door, only to jump in surprise when you stood there, fist raised as if you were about to knock.

"good morning." you politely smiled, looking at him with loving eyes.

the minute you opened your mouth, diluc felt a sick feeling crawl up his spine. your voice, it was odd, something he couldn't place his finger on.

"good morning, my love." he pressed a swift kiss to your forehead.

"i've made breakfast." there it was again, your voice. something was wrong, despite the fact that you looked perfectly normal, even your signature smile was on full display.

as if to silently ask you if something had happened, he placed one of his large, warm hands on your shoulder, the other finding solace on your cheek.

"you could have woken me up. i thought you loved my pancakes?" he spared a teasing smile, just for you, but it fell flat quickly. usually you'd make a witty remark or tease him just the same. but instead you simply stood there, that same smile on your face, and took his hand.

"the food will get cold." you spoke quietly, tugging him towards the stairs.

he obliged and followed but the nauseating feeling eating away at diluc's skin hadn't ceased. something was wrong, he could feel it. and yet as you sat down in front of him at the dining table and cut into your waffles, you appeared perfectly normal.

diluc mimicked your actions and stuck his fork into a strawberry. he looked at you expectantly, knowing that during the morning at breakfast, this was where you'd eagerly talk about the activities you had planned for the day. and yet you sat, munching on your waffles surrounded by a thick fog of silence.

he cleared his throat and met your eyes. "darling, what do you have planned for the day?" instead of going on an animated rollercoaster of dialogue like you usually did, you merely shrugged your shoulders and stuck another bite of waffles into your mouth. diluc frowned, now he knew something was up.

when breakfast had finished, he tried to pull you aside from the hustle and bustle around the winery but you took off with the excuse of needing to get to the guild early.

while he went through the motions of his day, he couldn't get his interactions with you out of his head. diluc hadn't feel the presence of that spark you held that he loved so much. what remained felt cold, and empty. it was quite unlike you to hold your tongue and keep your voice down, it bothered him to no end.

while he sat through meetings, the only face he saw was your eerily calm one. while signing documents, he could only remember the unusual quietness of your voice. these thoughts taunted him all throughout the day, he ended up abandoning what little work he had done in order to catch you before you scurried off towards another commission.

luckily for him, he caught you just as you were cashing in your last commission as dusk began to fall.

"(y/n) i'd really like to have a word with you." he panted, having run all the way from the winery to mondstat. one of his hands perched itself his knee and the other softly gripped your elbow. you nodded and let him lead you to the lake behind mondstat's walls.

"is something the matter my love? you've barely spoken a word." with both hands he took your face into his palms and thumbed your cheeks. his brows furrowed, creasing in the middle, the worry no longer held closed behind the cages of his mind.

you heaved a deep sigh and cast your gaze towards the grassy floor coated in the last remaining rays of sunlight, in favor of staring into his searing red eyes.

"i'm just a bit scared." you mumbled, reaching up to grip his charcoal coat. "scared? of what? have you been threatened?" you couldn't help but silently laugh to yourself and shook your head rapidly.

"no, none of that. i just...wish not to upset you." dumbfounded, diluc could only look at you with confused eyes.

and suddenly he felt his heart drop to the deepest pits of his stomach. the words he'd spouted towards you out of pure frustration and exhaustion hit him like a ton of bricks as he looked through the fog that clouded his memory. concern and worry replaced themselves with an enormous wave of guilt as his horrified face looked towards you.

"(y/n) i- i can't believe i said that i-..." his grip from your shoulder slackened as he stepped back, raising a hand to his mouth as the guilt in his stomach swished and swayed like a torrential stormy sea. you fumbled with your hands, a bit at a loss for words.

"i just wanted to make sure you were okay...i didn't mean to make it worse...i'm sor-"

"no, no. do not apologize, i'm the one who should be groveling at your feet for forgiveness." he interrupted you, running his gloved hand through his frazzled locks.

"diluc..." you took his hand that had been gripping his mouth and held it in both of yours. "i won't lie, what you said hurt me deeply. but i know you were just exhausted and-"

"no, please. don't make excuses for me. i've made a mistake (y/n), but i promise you," his burning hands found their way into yours, gripping them with a passion you'd never seen in him before, "i meant none of those words. i love listening to you, i love your voice- archons you have the most lovely voice. please, even if you are to leave me i ask that you never hold your tongue-" he opened his mouth to speak more but you cut him off by slinging your arms around his neck and pulling him close to you in a comforting hug.

"i won't leave you diluc." you mumbled into his shirt.

diluc's hands hovered in the air before holding you to his body in a desperate grip. "i deeply apologize, no words could ever describe how sorry i am that you heard those vile words from me, my love." you felt his trembling lips fall upon your temple, then your cheek. you pulled your face back to look him in the eye only to find tears running down his burning face. with a smile—a genuine smile—you rose your hands up and wiped away the streaks from his face.

"thank you, i really appreciate the apology." you pressed your forehead against his and brushed your noses.

he buried his face in the crook of you neck and breathed words you only rarely ever heard from him: "i love you." of course, you never needed to hear him say it to know how he felt, but whenever he did say it, he made sure to save it for just the right moment.

"i love you too diluc, thank you." you planted a kiss in his hair and buried yourself deeper into his embrace.

date published: june 25th, 2021

< ‘Not Just a Friend’ >

—situations where they realize you are, in fact, not just a friend

pairings: Diluc, Kaeya x reader

themes: fluff & fluff

note: oh wow the brothers?? yes pls

Diluc

he realizes this is in the tavern

it was both his shift and yours, with you talking to him and occasionally helping with the drinks while to waiter babysit the patrons

its a normal routine for both of you, where you would take a break and sit in front of Diluc

small talk, silence, or long conversations, is something Diluc finds himself looking forward to every time its his shift

and every time he stops and thinks on why he gets excited about these small things, he brushes it off to friendship.

Boy was he wrong.

Keep reading

☁️ talk of the town | with diluc ragnvindr (wc: 730)

cw: soft!diluc, gn!reader, nonsexual intimacy, cuddling n snuggling, brief mentions of insecurities, fluff

a tired diluc is a soft and clingy diluc, you’ve found, but even in his sleepy state, he knows just how to make you feel safe and loved.

this blog contains 18+ content. minors please dni.

Keep reading

And he listens anyway.

(Not ship) Pillow Diluc and armrest Kaeya (real).

Marcos Jr. is leading not because of his credentials nor his platforms, but it's because his campaign has been fueled by years of whitewashing the atrocities his family have committed over the years, branding the martial law years as the "golden age" of the Philippines, and the fact that he bares his father's name.

Strip off his name and you'll get a lying, incompetent tax evader who graces the streets with the money his family stole from the Filipino people.

I can't blame those who voted for him because of the lies he continuously feed to those who are unaware. However, those who voted for him knowing fully well what he and his family has done to this country are traitors.

That kind of betrayal is something I will never be able to forgive.

I love your cat reader and Gorou fic!! It's so cute and fun and the with mentioning heats it got my mind spinning

Like imagine being in heat and having Gorou gently groom/coddle you to help distract you from the pain and get the attention you craved 🥺 I just think it'd be super cute

a/n: Anon you made me go research about cat heat symptoms and effects- hnnngggshhdj honestly such a cute idea!!! I love it so here's a brainrot. Although I did research about heats, im changing it a bit for the fic to work. please don't use this as a basis for what your cats are good through.

notes: istg it's a SFW brainrot, heats, Kätzlein Reader (Diona's cat bloodline), mutual pining!! sleep deprived work

masterlist | based on this drabble and this brainrot

Heats & Distractions (Cat!Reader x Gorou) SFW

Being a part of the Kätzlein clan had its difficulties; from controlling your natural instincts in front of your human comrades to dealing with your addiction to catnip, you handled them all through life long practice and discipline.

There are times when you have to keep your impulses in check though. Things like pouncing on birds and taking random naps were easily controlled — but other things, like reminding yourself that the ingrained feeling of danger around your general was just your cat side talking, was a bit more difficult to deal with.

Another issue was your heat. As the season of spring blossoms around Inazuma, your body begins to heat up in discomfort. It started as a numb ache in your lower stomach. The ache wasn't exactly painful, but it was bothersome enough to distract you from focusing on your tasks.

You keep dropping things and stumbling, mind hazy from heat and feeling constantly distracted. Kazuha's worried about you; He has an arm around your shoulder, taking your things instead and asking if you're feeling alright.

You reassure him that you're fine, just tired. You're a little shy about admitting that it's your heat. He encourages you to take a break in the medical quarters and before you could register where he's leading you, you're already on the way.

You don't want to go to the medical, though. They don't exactly have anything that could help you and revealing your... situation to any of the nurses and soldiers would only warrant teasing and jokes from the immature ones.

It was Gorou who stops you and Kazuha. He's standing in front of you two, eyeing you up and down. Kazuha explains the situation that you weren't feeling well and you, again, say you're fine.

Gorou sighs and brushes a hand through his hair, before taking you by the wrist away from the medical. "They're fine, Kazuha,"

Kazuha confusingly protests at his friend, but Gorou quickly turns to whisper to him.

"It's... a hybrid thing. It's spring." Gorou says and Kazuha, with realization dawning on his face, nods and lets you go with the general.

You're both alone now, in a corner by the training area when he stops to look at you again.

"Why are you out? Shouldn't you be resting?"

"I really am fine! I'm not sick. Kazuha's overreacting-"

"You do know I could smell your heat from a mile away?"

You freeze, mouth agape as you stare, blush rising to your face. He knew? Your long time crush since you arrived in the resistance knew? You didn't think it would be that obvious to another hybrid of a different species but it was slightly embarrassing.

"I thought I could ignore it!" You groan, admitting your situation, "It doesn't hurt much but I- just so-" You mutter off, dizzy.

Gorou sighs, "Let's get you to your barracks. As your general, I'm putting you on bed rest for the next few days. Or whatever long this takes."

You blush, following along as he guides you to your personal quarters.

Most days, you really were fine! Taking walks around the area and helping patrol, other days, you were a whining mess, purring and pawing at your bedsheets in discomfort. Had you been back in Mondstadt, perhaps you could've found ways to alleviate the symptoms from your clan, but here you were a thousand miles away fighting a dictatorship.

What you didn't expect was for the general to visit your quarters every so often. The first time he entered with a plate of salmon from the kitchen, your ears and tail perked up in excitement.

Forget the fact that your natural mortal enemy slash crush was in your room — he brought you salmon! He would sit by your bed, chatting about what was going on in the army. To you, it sounded like he was a soldier giving his daily reports, which you found funny considering he was the general.

It was when you realized how helpful it was as a distraction from the numbing ache did you learn to fully appreciate his presence.

Of course, heats don't usually go so smoothly. It was a particularly bad night when you crumpled yourself in bed, arms wrapping around your waist as the ache was starting dull your senses. You needed to feel something, anything to ground yourself back from your dizzy state.

Gorou walked in that night with a can of tuna. Something that was promptly ignored and left on your bedside as he rushed over to you. His hands gently on your shoulder.

"Hey hey, I'm here. You okay?" He worriedly thinks back to his own heats. He usually goes through them just fine, with the war being a good distraction, but he isn't sure how much dog heats and cat heats resemble in terms of treatment. He wasn't quite sure what to do for you.

"G-gorou!" You quietly sob, "I hate this! I- I need something- stimuli-!" Your hand reaches out to grip on his top. He sits on your bed, brushing away the strands of hair from your face.

"It's okay, you're okay," He reassures you, patting your head.

Your grip on his loosened as he brushes against your ears. A silence settles itself between you. He rubs both your ears gently, warm and calloused hands softly massaging the sensitive muscles. You sigh in relief, unconsciously snuggling up to his abdomen.

"Lay down with me," You mumble after a while of his massage. You were in a daze now, an almost drunken state of exhaustion from dealing with your heat. Gorou looks at you hesitantly before laying down next to you.

Your long tail finds its way on his stomach. He figures you wanted him to pet it as he carefully brushes through the fur.

"Don't you go through this too?" You ask, attempting to start a casual conversation. Your eyes were closed as you cuddle up to his side.

"Yeah but it's already over," He tells you, turning his head to look at you. Both your faces closer than necessary.

"I guess you don't have it as bad?" You giggle and he notices how much he likes the sound of your laugh.

"Not exactly. I mean, Kazuha and her excellency would help distract me whenever it gets too bad. But I guess you can say I know how you feel."

Suddenly, you groan and look up the ceiling, "This wouldn't be a problem at all if we had mates!"

"W-what!" Gorou sits up, face turning red.

"What? Why so blushy, general? I mean, wouldn't it be easier to go through heats with a lover-" You laugh, sitting up as well, "Unless... you were thinking that I wanted us to be mates-"

"No! Of course not," His ears twitch frantically, hands dropping your tail, "I m-mean, we're friends! And you're part cat, I'm part dog, don't you think that's kind of... I don't know, weird?"

He doesn't notice the way your smile drops from your face. You gaze away from him, voice turning low into a whisper.

"... Is it really that weird?" You mumble and he's looking back at you as you look anywhere but back at him, "For a cat and dog to be together?"

Gorou tilts his head confusingly. He gets a feeling that something has shifted in the air, like he said something wrong but he isn't quite sure what. "Wouldn't it be? They're complete opposites in terms of their nature." He says.

Your eyes linger on him before you break out into a small laugh, "I guess it does sound weird! Besides, as you've said-" You flop back down your bed, "We're just friends."

"Ah- yeah..." Gorou isn't sure how the situation turned awkward. He's unsure whether he should lay back down on your bed either.

"Thanks for comforting me with my heat, but you should really go now," You say, picking up the forgotten can of tuna next to your bed.

Gorou quietly leaves your quarters that night. When he walks back to his barracks, eyes on the wide night sky, he thinks back to your form snuggling to him.

He thinks of your face that was unnecessarily close to for friends; of your shared whispers that were too intimate between a general and his soldier.

Gorou doesn't understand cats. He doesn't understand why his heart feels heavier than usual either.

note: I didn't mean for this to be angst but here we are. fun fact! but the heat scene was actually inspired by something that happened during my period. I get really bad cramps, one time I was puking and heaving terribly, i couldnt even lie down properly without sobbing in pain. my ex stayed by me that time and grounded me whenever i get dizzy.