Psychopatycznysocjopata - Bez Tytułu

Did I ever tell you about the time I turned that cocky skater into a dumb chimp?

I used to see he and his friends hanging out in the neighborhood all the time. Four college guys with nothing better to do than make noise and cause trouble – like a bunch of primates.

I knew it was only a matter of time before one of them got on my bad side.

It didn’t take long. One morning I heard the hiss of a can of spray paint, and I looked out a window just in time to see him laughing and tagging the side of my house. His friends were laughing too, standing back a few feet. They were probably out of range of my spell, but that one, the one in the overalls – he was definitely close enough. 

I raised one hand to cast it. He didn’t even notice what was happening, his ears wobbling and getting large and round on the side of his head. His friends’ laughter tapered off, and they stared at him, confused.

He turned back around to look at them, a big grin on his face. His hairy face. It was pushing out into a muzzle, fur growing over his cheeks. 

“What’s happening to you, dude?” one of them asked.

“Uh?” he grunted. He dropped the can of paint, and scratched his chest under the overalls.

“You look like a fuckin’ monkey,” said one of the other guys.

My victim scratched his head, his hair becoming shaggy and disheveled. A dumb look fell on his face, his mouth hanging open and his eyelids slack. He fell forward onto his hairy knuckles.

“Shit, dude, you ARE turning into somethin’ – like a monkey or a chimp or some shit!” said the other friend.

My monkey-man looked scared, in a moment of clarity. “Wha … what’s goin’ on? Guys! You gotta – ook! – you gotta help me! Ook ook!”

I snapped my fingers, and his overalls burst at a seam right over his ass, so a long furry tail could shoot forth. He looked behind at it, staring in shock, then started knuckle-walking over to his friends. His sneakers slipped off his feet, revealing that his toes had become long and dextrous.

By the time he reached them, his voice had devolved into grunts. They stared down at their friend, crouched on all fours. “What do we do with him?” said one of them. “What if it’s contagious?”

“Yeah, what if,” I thought, watching them all stand around him, unaware their their ears were starting to grow larger and larger.