Kit: I Dont Trust Birds. Fuckin Hollow Bones. Suspicious. What Are You Hiding In There?

Kit: I don’t trust birds. fuckin hollow bones. suspicious. what are you hiding in there?

Plo: Love.

listen i can't be the only one this happens to

I have mentioned this before but the way star trek aos no homoes the whole series but mostly Kirk is wild (except for star trek beyond my beloved). 

Like, TOS. Kirk/Spock, right. Even if you don’t think there is anything romantic between them, Kirk is so ridicously fond and caring and proud and defensive of Spock and he just loves him so goodamm much. Don’t get me wrong he and McCoy also fucking love each other, but Kirk and Spock it’s just. Undying love and support and the first person (McCoy aside usually) to attack Spock is gonna be torn to shreds. And this is super important in the context of the series of Spock being discriminated from both sides because of his Otherness - it’s a specific plot point that Kirk uses slurs to anger him and break him out of brainwashing but it’s also a plot point that Kirk would fucking never. Like Kirk would literally fight anyone for Spock and he teases him, but he is 100% there. He also flirts shamelessy with him but that’s a problem for another time.

(The same goes for Bones and Spock! And Bones and Kirk! But Kirk sometimes literally just smiles at Spock’s entire existence like it’s the greatest thing that ever happened to him but I disgress). 

Obviously none of that happens in AOS. Like they even have the “hatecrime Spock” bit - except now Kirk is insulting Spock’s Vulcan heritage and not the fact that he is half Vulcan and half human, I guess because well, he and Spock are not friends so he doesn’t even know what Spock angsts about anyway. It’s not really a scene where I can go Kirk would fucking never. And like, I guess in the first movie is kind of fine, they are setting up a new dynamic and everything, but Into The Darkness REALLY goes deep into the whole “sorry you are now really good friends because the script and the alternative universe says so” to the point where they copy the whole death scene and you feel nothing also because I spent all my anger at them whitewashing Khan. At the same time they still try to “no homo” it by having Carol stripping for no reason and Uhura suddenly loses her mind and decides to have a drama moment at the end of the movie because Spock is not open enough with his emotions and that’s what romances with women are for I guess, contrived plot points. Despite officially having a girlfriend and friends, Into the Darkness somehow makes Spock seem very lonely.

But you know what happens in AOS? Kirk and Bones. They met at their worst and become best friends and prop each other up for three years and plan to be in Starfleet together and then Bones risks everything to bring Kirk onboard…. …then he takes a backseat to the Kirk vs Spock showdown and gets relegated to extra for all of Into the Darkness, except one scene to remind us that Bones Is Straight TM and bring Kirk back to life like, immediately after Bones is allowed to mourn him for like sixty seconds. Because no homo. Because friendship cannot be expressed through tenderness least the Shippers Get Ideas TM so Kirk and Spock friendship has to be constructed through macho confrontational tropes while the Kirk and Bones friendship has to be put aside because 1) this movies are made to adapt Pop Culture Star Trek and in Pop Culture Star Trek only the friendship between Kirk and Spock matters 2) Kirk and Bones’ friendship would have been too emotional least the shipper get ideas.

Like, I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Star Trek Beyond, which has Simon Pegg as a co-writer, someone who is a Trekkie and who likes writing tender male friendships/more than friendships, IMMEDIATELY: 1) develops the friendship between Bones and Spock 2) develops Spock and gives warmth to his romance with Uhura even if they are technically on a break during that movie and made a Spock/Uhura shipper out of me 3) immediateley puts at center the friendship between Bones and Kirk when eploring Kirk’s emotional state and the whole birthday thing, to the point where he and Bones go into a party with matching outfits which is the cutest thing ever 4) deliberately decided to not throw Kirk into random sex scenes with random women

Now I don’t think the AOS movie suffer from a lack of emotional core just because JJ Abrams sit down and thought “I need to no homo this”, I’m pretty sure there is also a lot of gender stuff, depiction of masculinity stuff and JJ Abrams not giving a shit about Star Trek (hence why he adapted Pop Culture Star Trek and not like, actual Star Trek).

But it just drives me wild to think that a lot of these things could have be fixed - or at least made more palatable - simply by allowing the male characters to actually be friends and have some goddamn emotions that are not action flick-y. Like, he could have just turned Kirk’s death in Into the Darkness into a coral scene with both Bones and Spock there! Just, rip off Kirk’s will scene from TOS! But no! Have no-homo Wrath of Khan instead! SPOCK PRIME HAD TO COME FROM ANOTHER UNIVERSE TO TELL THEM TO SOLDIER ON BECAUSE ONE DAY THEY WILL BE FRIENDS. THE FOURTH WALL NEVER EXISTED. HOW DO YOU NOT REALIZE MAYBE YOU SHOULD RECONSIDER YOUR SCRIPT IF YOUR CHARACTERS CONSIDER TO BE FRIENDS ONLY BECAUSE THE SCRIPT SAYS SO.

tl;dr: the fact that jj abrams in star trek aos is so scared of having the men characters have feelings that are not Action Movie Appropriate  that they sabotage their own movies to no homo them ON MULTIPLE LEVELS drives me wild

anyway this is why my tos otp is kirk/spock but my aos otp is kirk/bones 

STAR WARS: EPISODE III - REVENGE OF THE SITH (2005) STAR WARS: THE BAD BATCH - 1x01 AFTERMATH (2021)

y’all know what this AU is 💐💘💉

every bad and stupid fight scene from old star trek is good and correct, actually. like i'm sorry, you DON'T want to watch captain kirk fling his whole bootyass at some guy covered in green silly putty? couldn't be me