renleonhart

Let's get Dangerous

Hey guys, it's ya girl Hikari coming to you live from a brand new account after my old one got lost. I'm still in the process of moving all of my stuff from the old account to the new one.

179 posts

Riduur,

I miss you more with every day that passes. I often wish you were here beside me to assure me and comfort me with your presence. Selfishly, I know. I’m glad you’re not, I’m glad you’re safer than I am.

Perhaps I shouldn’t say that. I would hate for you to worry. I know you will and I have to admit that a part of me is pleased you care enough to do so. That is also selfish of me.

I always thought love was about being selfless, about putting the wellbeing of another person before your own. I will always do what’s best for you, my love, never doubt that.

But being in love has made me realise how utterly selfish I really am.

I know I shouldn’t even be with you. I know my entire being should be dedicated to the GAR, to serving the Republic and not thinking of my own desires. It scares me sometimes, how much you mean to me and what I would be willing to do for you.

I think I understand better now why the jedi speak of attachment as a path to the darkside.

I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m talking like this.

Being away from you has given me far too much time to think. It was simpler when my only worry for the future revolved around battle tactics and the general’s next crazy scheme.

But I also never realized just how much I was lacking. I never gave it any thought before meeting you. At least I tried not to.

I’ve always thought I was luckier than most, to have a purpose in life, a cause to fight for. I still believe that, and I am still proud to be a soldier of the Republic, to fight beside my brothers.

But now I don’t know if I’m quite as willing to lay down my life for a cause that would keep me from you.

It’s hard not to feel bitter at times and I don’t like that feeling. I’d rather just think of you and your voice and your gentle hands.

I can’t wait to return home to you and let you remove my armour, piece by piece as you did the last night we had together. Your patience and dedication was enough to make me tremble. I don’t know that I deserve it from you. But I am selfish and I will keep it for myself as long as I can.

I love you, I love you more than I ever imagined was possible. It’s both frightening and liberating to admit that.

You make me want to be the best version of myself and you give me hope that I can be more than what I am.

I don’t know if that makes any sense, I feel as though I’m rambling. There’s so much I want to tell you and so much I don’t know how to put into words. I’m thinking of the last time we kissed and remembering your face when you said goodbye to me. You told me you’d wait as long as it took for me to return to you. I promised I would come home. I intended to keep that promise to you, my Riduur.

For now, I hope this letter finds you well and I hope it brings you some comfort while I can’t be there to hold you and kiss you and remind you how beautiful you are. I love you, now and until the end of time.

Rex

@iscream4clones @hikarimainblog Rex was popular, I also got an anon asking for him!