[8:58 Am]

[8:58 am]

“hey, hey. why are you crying my love?” haechan gasps as he whisks you into his arms.

you were—slightly ashamed… but with the comfort of his arms everything felt so much better.

“i-i just… need you tonight, is that okay?” your low murmur causes his grip to tighten around you, his hand coming up to gently caress your hair.

“of course. you have me, my love.”

[8:58 am]

“hey, hey. why are you crying my love?” haechan gasps as he whisks you into his arms.

you were—slightly ashamed… but with the comfort of his arms everything felt so much better.

“i-i just… need you tonight, is that okay?” your low murmur causes his grip to tighten around you, his hand coming up to gently caress your hair.

“of course. you have me, my love.”

[8:58 am]

“hey, hey. why are you crying my love?” haechan gasps as he whisks you into his arms.

you were—slightly ashamed… but with the comfort of his arms everything felt so much better.

“i-i just… need you tonight, is that okay?” your low murmur causes his grip to tighten around you, his hand coming up to gently caress your hair.

“of course. you have me, my love.”

hiya! today i offer you something rather special, my 100 followers appreciation post! ᵔદᵔ thank you so much for appreciating my work—so here’s a lil something appreciating our boys <3

all these little things — nct.

in which you discover just how much they love you through the little things.

—

taeyong has the habit of updating you constantly, even for minor things like getting his favorite soup on a particularly stressful day. he’d send you selcas with little hearts and captions saying “i miss you”, and when he’s travelling on tour—he’d send his pictures of the places he’d visited and would for sure return with a couple dozens of souvenirs just for you.

taeil would probably sing for you 24/7. he has an amazing voice and you’ve made it clear just how much you loved it. so he’d make sure to keep up to date with your favorite songs and learn to sing them so he could serenade you any time, any place.

johnny’s mom loved you. whenever the neos would go on tour, he’d bring you along and his mom would always be there waiting for you. he found it endearing how much his family adored you. he’d proudly share photos you both took together with his mom and she’d definitely frame them and put them on her wall.

yuta would teach you small japanese phrases every now and then. he’d drown you in compliments and would have to teach you their meanings every time he adds a new one. his term of endearment for you would almost always be a japanese word, which you think is absolutely adorable.

kun cares for you in an almost motherly way, the same way he does for his members. you know it’s a natural thing for him which is why you love this part of him so much. he always makes sure that you’re comfortable and well, constantly checking up on you and asking if he could do anything to help. you, of course, return the favor—which is why the rest of the neos think you two are the most sickly sweet couple there is.

doyoung would constantly take pictures of you, either to keep them for himself or to post them up on his instagram story. he would often style you as well, putting you in his clothes and grinning so wide and laughing lightly to himself. his phone wallpaper would be a picture he took of you on one of your many dates out together.

ten loves to do your makeup. he’s not that knowledgeable, but he’s well aware of your skin and makeup routine that he’d be able to do it himself! after a long day of work, he’d also tug you towards the bathroom to help you with your makeup, gently wiping the product away while humming a soft tune to help you relax.

jaehyun is kind of similar to ten in a way that he loves to do your hair. something about the softness in it had him addicted to gently running his fingers through your hair. sometimes, it would be enough to lull you to sleep, which has him cooing and gushing about how adorable you are.

winwin loves to travel with you. documenting it is a must! he loves rewatching your trips together on camera, and the first time he brings you to beijing, he makes sure to tour you around and takes you to the most beautiful places. he’d watch in awe as your eyes sparkle, the camera catching your most precious moment to him.

jungwoo is so tall compared to you, so he loves to tease you about it. he’d often tell the members that you and him were like the thumb and index finger together. he found it completely endearing and he knew that your huffs of annoyance weren’t actually angry. he loved to lift you up into his arms to ‘let you know what the weather is like’ up at his height.

mark loves to hold your hand. this man would try and keep physical contact with you at all times—and if holding your hand isn’t possible, he’d try to keep as close to you as possible. he’s a little awkward with you in an endearing way, but he’s never shy to hold your hand or place a sweet kiss to the back of your palm.

xiaojun would love to give you his sweaters while they’re having their dance practice. it was hard dating an idol who’s time was mostly spent at his company as a full time student, but he tries his hardest to bring you along and spend more time with you and dance practices were his favorite way to that. he’d wrap his jacket around your form, whether it be because you fell asleep or because he noticed that it was getting colder and you didn’t have a sweater on you.

hendery’s favorite thing to do is to joke around with you. you were his perfect pair—you had the same humor and laughed at the smallest things together. he’d have this soft gaze on you when you both were laughing until your stomachs hurt, those moments being his most treasured.

renjun would definitely enjoy sitting and drinking tea with you. oftentimes, he’d be the one to brew up your cup of tea especially after he finds out your favorite kind. he loves to watch as you talk about your schedule for the day, his eyes sparkling as he nods every now and then.

jeno has the habit of tugging you to lay on his chest if he felt you falling asleep. he wanted his heartbeat to calm you down, the soft beats urging you to sleep. he loved how close you were to him and no one would be able to wipe the grin off his face whenever you fall asleep on him.

haechan would always kiss your forehead. he’ll do it whenever you’re parting and he’ll do it upon the first time you’re seeing each other for the day. he almost always giggles or smirks after the kiss and follows it with his hand coming up to ruffle your hair.

jaemin tries his best to support you even in little ways. whenever he knew you were going to have a busy week, he prepares a small note and your favorite breakfast to encourage you and remind you that he’s proud of you no matter what. he’ll also check up on you every now and then for the rest of the week. he has this weird sense that lets him know if you’re feeling extra stressed and he’s there always.

yangyang is the type to go on walking dates. he loves to be with you anywhere and everywhere. you two have probably walked more than anyone else in the neos. he’ll pair it with some ice cream or iced coffee, and he especially loves walking in the winter with you—your nose a pale pink because of the cold, which results in a boop almost every time.

shotaro would send you dance recordings of his practices or of any choreography he’d been working on. he knew how much you loved his dancing, and you felt like falling in love with him over again when you found out he only ever sends them to you. he appreciated your comments and wanted to be excited with you first when he gets down a particularly difficult choreography.

sungchan loved to drape his sweaters, shirts or jackets over your figure. with his tall figure, he loved watching how big they looked on you because of the height difference. he’d almost always have a blush on his cheeks as he pats you hair, murmuring that you’re cute and that you should wear his clothes more often.

chenle is really loud about your relationship. he’ll bring you with him to every schedule that he’s allowed to. he loves showing you off to the neos and would always smile and wave at you despite his busy schedule—which sometimes earns him a slap to the back of his head by renjun, because he was disrupting a shoot.

jisung would buy you both matching necklaces, and never take his off. sometimes, when he was missing you a little extra, he’d twirl the charm of your initial hanging from his necklace around his fingers. something about it gave him comfort, and when you couldn’t be by his side, his necklace reminded him that you would always be there for him.

Y/N IS AWESOME OMYGOD

cry me a river | the void

— summary: no matter how many times you read the same book over and over again, it always ends the same

— pairing: bts x reader

— genre: angst, mafia!au

— word count: 6.5k

— warnings: violence

— a/n: all hail for our queen :)

— part one / part two / part 3 / part 4 / part 5

— masterpost

The doors to the meeting hall slam open as you walk right in with a grave expression resting on your face. With a black leathered trench coat, red lipstick, and red high heels that click like firecrackers with each step you take, heads turn your way as they make way for the daughter of the Reaper to walk past. Your hair wets from the pouring rain just outside, dripping down your coat and onto the dark red carpeted floor yet you pay it no mind.

Mingyu is just a few steps behind you, his eyes darker and grimmer than most days and the eyes of every member that belongs to the Reapers fall with confusion. Their brows furrow deeply as they watch their lady take the stage in the dark, crowded room, wondering why you’ve gathered everyone here for an important meeting.

Your second in command stands with the crowd, watching as you take a good look at the seat before you. Mingyu knows what goes on in your mind as you stare at something that belongs to your father, but before anyone can grow suspicious upon your lingering gaze, you turn around to address the crowd.

“I have grave news,” you say with a face void of any emotions.

They try to read you, the members’ brows knitting so tight while the employees look amongst each other, whispering words upon theories of what news you can possibly have for all of the Reapers to hear at once. This doesn’t happen often after all. No one would call every member of a mafia along with their servants unless the news was so grave.

But that could only mean one thing.

“Father has been assassinated.”

The room goes into an uproar and everyone begins to speak up at once. Many of them are in disbelief, their expressions hardening, eyes widening, while a few maidens even fill with tears as they clasp a hand upon their lips, the news far too much for them to take.

He never treated you well enough for you to hold that expression, you scoff to yourself but decide to ignore them while Mingyu stands there in the front, standing out due to his indifference to the news. His expression is blunt and when you cast him a glance, your second in command gives you a simple shrug.

“How dare they?!”

“Are you sure boss has been assassinated?”

“I saw his dying face with my very own eyes,” you tell them and the room explodes with anger.

They all express their displeasure, the audacity of this person who decided to go after their big boss, some even go on to take their weapons out, ready to make a move for their revenge plan yet you stop them before they can walk out.

“You know better than anyone to run out there without a plan.” The coldness in your voice stops them in their tracks and once more, they turn their attention back on you, the heir to the throne, the only family member left, daughter of the Reaper.

“Milady, did you witness the person who did this to boss?” One asks.

“Do you think me of incompetence?” You raise a brow and he knows that wasn’t right of him to ask.

Someone else speaks up without taking note of your unamused expression. “Then we have to go after him!”

“It’s a good thing you came back unscathed.”

“Sir Mingyu must have helped her return well.” You look at Mingyu who wields no expression. He’s usually a man who speaks up during grave moments so they must be really confused by this. Still, the idea of your dead father is their top priority as they return to the topic at hand.

“But who would dare kill the Reaper?”

“Who would dare…” You repeat the words slowly and carefully, feet turning to the side as you lay a finger on the throne you had been standing beside. It’s always been your place to stand beside the throne, the very same seat your father sits in, but those days are over. “Why…” slowly running your fingers at the arm of the throne, you tilt your head over at them with a smirk curling along the corner of your lips, “me of course.”

When you take a seat right upon the throne, the only doors leading outside the room slams shut along with the windows and curtains as each of your very own loyal members, dressed in wholly black, stands before every exit, blocking the paths.

The room runs cold in an instant as everything turns dark, saved by the light shining on you.

Heads turn back your way, bodies freezing in place, eyes widening. The trembling begins and you let out a laugh that echoes loudly into the room. Fear creeps down their spines and someone brave enough who had their gun already in their hand holds it up and points it straight at you.

In an instant, a bullet runs straight through his head, a bullet you know that was held by a particular sniper, hidden on high grounds, laying on her front with eyes peeking right into the scope. Dasom makes the first kill and when the men’s body falls to the floor, chaos ensues.

The rain pours loud and hard outside, its storm cold and icy as the room warms from all the bodies that runs at each other, hoping to kill one another. Your father’s people are strong as they always have been but they could not have been prepared for what you had in store for each one of them.

The servants are defenseless and so they’re the first to fall to the floor.

You were really hoping to sit this one out after having finished the most important kill of the night but apparently, your father’s loyal members aren’t one to let you off that easily.

“Hells,” you say with a heavy sigh. You stand from the throne, a bored expression plastered on your face when someone comes at you with a knife, far too incompetent and weak against you. She’s quick to be eliminated by your own hands with a bullet shot straight up from her chin.

“Oh great, now my hands are dirty.” You stare at your hands with contempt when someone hands you a handkerchief.

“My lady,” she says, her voice generous while the room ensues in mass murder. When you look over at your first loyal companion who holds a black satin blindfold over the eyes she’s lost years ago for you, you consider accepting her offer for a second, before refusing it completely.

“There’s no point when the room’s already bathing in blood.” The second you say that, her ear twitches and in just a split second, she has the person who had been hoping to hurt you by the throat, throwing him right onto the floor and a bullet straight through his head. Even with blind eyes, Yuna protects you well.

She turns to you after it’s over with, frowning deeply. “How dare they,” she growls protectively. “Are you alright, my lady?”

You turn from her, unfazed by what she had just done. “Take care of the rest,” you order, and with a small bow your way, Yuna disappears from your side.

The red heels click under you when you walk down the dais to deal with the people who have yet to fall, too stubborn for their own good to die without a good fight.

“Your efforts are pointless,” you speak at a man who holds onto the pain of his stomach. For a moment he was hunched over, barely able to keep standing on his feet, but the second he hears your voice, the strength in him returns.

He launches himself at you with a dagger and an annoyingly loud roar. You, on the other hand, is the calm face of Death, the dark leather at your shoulders that leaves a trail of blood. He flings himself hopelessly and you twist his arm, puncturing the blade of his dagger back on him and stabbing it right into the pain he received from one of your men.

He falls to the floor with a thud, meeting his fate for ever daring to go up against you.

The rain screams loud in place of the void of your emotions as you handle each member who comes at you with ease. They scream and shout, threatening to kill you, crying and spitting at your face for killing their boss, yet you remain calm amongst the chaos.

When the last person falls onto their knees and you kick them hard in the face, forcing them to fly back and hit the floor harshly, peace returns to the room now filled with dead corpses.

Black cloaks emerge from the shadows, their eyes trained solely on you as you turn from the last body, heels walking straight without a care about stepping on the corpses. When you walk up on the dais, you take one long glance at the throne before you and, surprising to the group behind you, you knock the throne down with a hard kick, causing it to fall to the side with a loud thud.

The sound echoes for a moment before all is silent once more. You turn to your people and sit yourself right on the floor of the dais, a hand resting on a bent knee while you lean your weight against the other arm just a few inches behind and let your head stare up at the ceiling.

What a waste of energy.

Hands spilled with blood, you wipe it against your cheek at the small cut you got from one of your father’s men, a bored expression resting on your face as you stare at your bloody hand. More blood will spill tonight but for now, you meet the eyes that have been trained on you with a dark gaze and in seconds, they fall to their knees, head bowed respectively.

A moment of silence for the queen, the room filthy with blood, and you give your first order as the Reaper.

“Burn this place down.”

.

.

.

“You wanted to see me?” You ask, voice a bit light as you cross a leg over the other as if the tension in this room isn’t clear enough for you. But it’s clear, it’s so clear.

After all, you’re finally meeting your ex-husband after ten years of disappearing from the face of the Earth.

He wears a grim expression, brows furrowed as he stares straight at you from the other side of the table, and you almost want to laugh at how he never seems to change. Always so serious and grim-looking. You used to be so intimidated by that gaze once upon a time but now? Now nothing terrifies you anymore.

You feel nothing, devoid of emotions even as you sit right before someone you’ve loved so hard once upon a time.

Ten years is quite long after all.

“Do you not have anything to say?” Namjoon asks as if that was the obvious thing for you to do.

Yet you remain nonchalant. “I killed my father, you witnessed that, end of the story. What’s there for me to say? I am the rightful heir to the throne as the Reaper and you have no say in that.”

“As ally of your father, I do in fact have some say in that. Our contract states I lend some power to your father, after all.”

“Correction, our contract states you lend some power to the Reaper,” you say with a small smirk as you take the paper out and place it on top of the table, “not my father. And since I’m the Reaper now, I have full right to all that my father owns, including some of your power.”

Narrowing his gaze suspiciously your way, Namjoon leans back into his chair. “Is that what you’re after?” He asks. “Power?”

“Power’s quite delicious now that I’ve gotten some taste of it. I think I quite like it and would like to pursue it some more. You’d be a great help with that.” When he stares daggers at you, you shrug lightly as you look away. “Though of course, Mr. Kim has all the right to refuse.”

“Why?”

“Why power?”

“No,” he states. “Why did you kill your father? You’ve been living under his protection all your life and now come ten years later, you kill the one person who raised you and protected you.”

Hm. What painful words — or so you’d say if you were that weak-hearted girl you once were. But you’re not anymore and anything that comes out of Kim Namjoon’s mouth doesn’t phase you anymore.

He never found out the truth but he doesn’t have to. He doesn’t deserve the truth. You no longer tremble under his gaze, no longer hesitate, and no longer falter. He made you weak.

Father was right about one thing, love made you weak and now you’re over it.

Still, you give him a small, easy-going smile. “Ungrateful, aren’t I?” You laugh. “If I told you I got bored of him, would you believe me?”

He gives you a long, narrowing gaze that lasts for a few moments. Namjoon can’t read you as easily as he did ten years ago, he can no longer tell what’s going on in that head of yours, no longer able to understand what answers your eyes hold.

Because your eyes only lie now.

Finally, he gives up and leans back into his chair once more. “I cannot lend you my power.”

“You’re breaking the contract, Mr. Kim.”

“You broke it first by meeting with me again.”

“Actually, you met with me,” you correct, memories of your fateful meeting flashing in your head. “You were the one who decided to be the curious little cat and dug your nose into someone else’s business. No one told you to run up the skyscraper when you heard the gunshots, you should have just enjoyed the party like everyone else there. And you were also the one who sent me that letter, asking to meet. Family kills each other everywhere in this world. Who cares that my father died?”

Namjoon frowns at you. “Many of his allies.”

A smirk plays at your lips. “Actually, many of them betrayed him for me long before his assassination. They saw my potential and father was getting old. No one likes to follow a crippling leader. The others who didn’t like me tried to stop me and that was quite strenuous to deal with, let me tell you,” you say with an exasperated sigh before grinning again. “But we’re on good terms now, they decided not to give me another headache. Speaking of that, sorry I came a little late to our meeting. One of them almost gave me a migraine so I had to take care of that first.”

He’s disgusted by you, but you had everything planned out, he realizes, all the way up to the very day you eliminated your father. “So you decided to leave me out of this whole coup?” He asks, knowing you met up with all of the people your father had connection with except him.

“I had a contract to consider,” you say simply, noting at the fact that the two of you couldn’t meet. “I am a woman of my words, Mr. Kim, I’d hate to go ahead and break my promises, especially when I’ve given my words to someone.”

The knowing gaze you give him leaves him conflicted as he knows exactly what you mean behind those words of yours.

What a cunning woman you’ve become, someone entirely different from the person he last saw ten years ago. He can still remember that face of yours, filled with tears, pleading, and begging. It was almost pitiful. He drove you away and now here you are, ten years later, a totally different woman.

What did those ten years do to you?

He shakes the thoughts away, knowing that caring now wouldn’t change anything.

He doesn’t care.

“I lent your father some power because he had something to give me in return,” Namjoon says, returning to the main subject. “I have no idea what sort of leader you will be, I’d be a fool to trust someone I don’t know.”

That’s right, he doesn’t know you. Not this person you’ve become.

“I had an inkling you’d say that, that’s why I have a proposition for you.” You lean onto the table, elbows resting against it with fingers intertwined into one another as you prop your chin up against them.

Namjoon narrows his gaze and you go on.

“You’ve been looking for your lost brother, haven’t you? Mr. Kim Jungwon?” His brows furrow tightly and you can see his chin protruding. He’s angry yet you go on without fear. “I know him and I have some information that may help lead you to a better investigation.” He eyes you with hard suspicion while you remain nonchalant. “Come on, Kim, I know you’ve been stuck on his disappearance even before the two of us fell into an arranged marriage.”

“...How do you know him?”

“Why, he was my butler,” you say with a playful smile, “and a very good butler at that. Mr. Jungwon took care of me very well.”

Suspicion doesn’t leave his gaze. “Why would my brother disappear to work under the Reapers?”

“Why indeed.” You stand from your seat, giving him a pointed gaze as you slide the contract towards him. “Consider it, will you? Before you refuse me completely?”

Obviously, this is all a hoax just to get him to agree to the contract. His older brother has been long gone, dead from the hands of your father who was too sick in his head and psychotic enough to kill the one person that cared for his only daughter. But you don’t have to tell him that just yet. You’d rather do this without meeting your ex-husband and ex-lovers but you’d be a fool to get rid of the reins on one of the most powerful mafioso in this world.

If Namjoon agrees to the contract, you get your shared deal and he gets an answer to where his brother is; dead and long gone. You just have to use him in the right way, like a pawn, just as your father and he used to do to you.

With that, you refuse him to let you take any closer look at you and turn your back on him. You can feel his piercing gaze on you when you walk away but still, you take no wasted time to look back.

You’re done looking back at the past.

.

.

.

“How’d it go?” Mingyu stands outside the door and the second you emerge, he rushes to begin walking right by your side.

“Do you still believe me to be that useless, incompetent girl I was then?” You ask him, sounding a little irritated. “Those days are over, Mingyu, you need not worry about that anymore.”

“Right,” he shrugs carefreely, already used to your mood swings. “So what happened?”

“I gave him the bait,” you say. “Once Mr. Kim gets a taste of the information I have, he’ll come crawling to me, begging for some more and once that happens, he’ll land right into my palm.”

“You know I’m kind of surprised, Boss.” You give him a small look and he continues. “For a moment I thought you’d falter and it’d ruin all our plans but you seem to compose yourself well.” Only Mingyu would be brave enough to speak up about such things before your face and normally it would upset you but with him, you don’t feel that offended.

That smirk on his face does make him look very punchable though.

“Are you sure you didn’t feel anything? Your heart didn’t skip a beat or two?” He asks, his tone playful almost as if he’s purposely trying to tick you off.

Yet you don’t take his bait.

“My heart stopped beating long ago.” You tell him, face as emotionless as it always was and Mingyu, for a moment, is about to speak up when you stop dead in your tracks.

Your second in command blinks when he feels another presence and when he turns to look over at the man who has you stopping for, the playful expression on his face falls.

Jung Hoseok stands right before the two of you, his presence protruding heavily with charisma and the only one he has eyes for is you, the new leader of the Reapers, and Mingyu’s presence disappears into the background as the two of you stare at one another as if stuck in moments in time.

Your heart stopped beating long ago, you told him, and for a second Mingyu wants to ask you whether that still applies to you before Jung Hoseok when he watches you carefully.

Yet he knows more than anyone that intervening now will only ruin things. The two of you have to return to headquarters during this busy time but he lets you be for now. After all, he remembers Jung Hoseok being that one person who didn’t betray your trust.

“I’ll be outside,” he tells you but he’s sure the words don't reach your ears. Still, Mingyu walks away from the poignant scene, knowing not to intrude.

Silence walks into the hallway once the footsteps disappear and for a while the two of you stand there in the stillest way possible, eyes never leaving each other’s gazes. You wonder what he’s thinking about, whether that promise he held within his heart still exists after all these years but you doubt it.

If the other guys were able to stop loving you, Hoseok would be all the same. Eventually, he probably got over you, went on with his life after the tears and anger, stopped thinking about you frequently, and acted as if your existence was simply just a passing of time. He probably doesn’t love you in the same way he had years ago but even if he still does, you’ve changed from the girl you once were.

Hoseok will probably hate the person you’ve become.

But why should you care? You don’t. You don’t care one bit.

None of it was his fault but still, still, a piece of you aches deeply inside as you stare at the last man who allowed you to hold onto hope. You’ve buried the little girl then deep from inside you and slowly, she’s beginning to creep forward and you know that this is all because of Jung Hoseok.

You hate this.

“Hi,” he says. A whisper. A soft, soft whisper you hadn’t heard in a long while. His eyes soften just slightly, his tone gentle, and you frown because you don’t like it.

“Hello,” you say, voice a little more strong, filled with less emotions. It’s blunt the way you speak, as if it’s simply a stranger right before you, and for a second you think you see a flash of hurt in his eyes.

But it disappears as quickly as it appeared, before you can truly believe you actually saw it right.

The silence fills once again and you hate this.

So many questions swarm in your head just as you’re sure he has them as well. He has to. After all, the girl he knew ten years ago is entirely different from the woman he sees now. You stand before him emitting a different energy, standing tall and confident, a gaze of boredom and bluntness, with no emotions exceeded out of you.

The you then held her heart on her sleeves, always willing to lend a gentle smile, a soft tone, eyes filled with innocence and purity as she constantly builds a wall before everyone, too scared and frightened to ever let anyone break it down.

The you now hold a much thicker wall, the secrets too overbearing and held so securely even a whisper wouldn’t be able to slip through. There are no cracks, no leaks to let anything out, just as you’re unwilling to let anything in. It builds all around you, above and below, refusing to let anything in and anything out.

The invisible wall carries herself well and you’re sure even Hoseok can sense that. He’s always been great at reading people but not great enough against you.

Even the you then presented herself well, holding onto her secrets, allowing no one in. No one understood her pains, no one knew. She smiled gently, gave her heart out, but still built a wall no one could step in. She was weak but she understood her assignment.

“How are you?” Hoseok asks and you remain silent for a moment, contemplating.

Should you choose to lie or tell the truth?

“I’m alright.” You lie.

It’s not anything new and Hoseok probably even understands that there are things you wish not to say, unanswered questions he wishes to ask you but knowing it isn’t in his place to do so. So he stays silent and you repeat his own question back at you, hating this silence.

“And you?”

“I’m alright.”

Whether that is the truth or a lie, you aren’t sure. Keeping tabs on Bangtan was never a priority in your agenda, in fact, you always strayed from doing so, so you have no idea what is going on with them and you’re fine with that. You just hate the fact that despite seeing you like this, so different from the girl you once were before you left them, Hoseok doesn’t flinch.

His eyes are similar to the ones you’ve seen years ago, the same sort of kindness he always had in them. He gives you no accusatory glare, no level of question passed onto you about what he saw that night and why you did what you did. Even if he had asked and you told him the same answer you gave Namjoon, a part of you feels as if Hoseok wouldn’t believe you as easily as Namjoon had.

And if he did, he wouldn’t look at you with disgust as Namjoon had.

You’re the first to look away, not wanting to bathe in this moment any longer.

It makes you uncomfortable knowing that little girl inside of you is slowly trying to creep back out. So you shut your heart, refuse to give into Hoseok’s eyes, and let the darkness return to its full capacity once more.

“If you’ll excuse me,” is all you say with a small nod made his way before walking past him without another glance.

You’re done, you’re done.

Hoseok won’t make you weak and you can’t falter now, not after everything you’ve gone through to be the person that you are now. Your story with them ended a long time ago, there’s no reason for you to return to the pages and read them all over again. Because no matter how many times you read the same book over and over again, it will always end the same. You cannot expect a different ending.

There’s no need to shed unwanted tears when you’ve already expected the outcome.

Yet as you walk on without the slightest hint of hesitation in your steps, Hoseok watches you silently from behind, a yearning left in him which he knows he cannot act upon, and even after you disappear around the corner, his gaze never leaves just as it always was.

But this time he lets you go. He doesn’t try to hold you back and doesn’t call after you.

.

.

.

“Boss looks pissed, what’d you do this time?” Dasom whispers as she watches you walk into the mansion with purpose in your feet and a scary expression resting on your face. No one has the guts to speak to you when you’re like this so she approaches your incomptetent second in command instead.

Mingyu gives her an offended glare. “How dare you?”

“Everyone knows you love pushing her buttons.”

“I just have guts unlike some people,” he says almost as if trying to irk you on purpose is something he should be proud of. Dasom levels a glare his way and he answers with a shrug. He crosses his arms against his chest as both their eyes follow your figure while standing still from the entrance way. “Wouldn’t anyone be pissed after a meeting with their ex-husband?” Mingyu asks.

“Hm.”

“And she may have also met with Jung Hoseok as well,” he says. “Though why would that piss her off? If anything, shouldn’t it have alleviated some anger?”

“Boss hates weaknesses.”

“So he triggered some memories she’d rather leave behind.”

“Shouldn’t you know that more than anyone?”

With that question asked, Mingyu let out a small chuckle as he begins to walk off. “Of course not. I don’t know her as well as little Yuna does. Speaking of, she’s probably already on her way to calm boss down.”

“It still surprises me how fearless Yuna is.” Another voice joins in on the conversation and the two of them turn to find the first hacker recruited into the team; Choi Yeonjun. He was once a small little boy with eyes as fierce as that of a wild stray who knew no master. Now he follows you well, eyes always bored and filled without emotions, just like his own master. He stands tall from where he emerged, eyes traveling down the hallway you walked through. Him and Yuna are one in the same, both loyal wolves whose eyes only live for you.

“Anyone else would just leave boss alone,” Yeonjun says.

“Well.” Mingyu shrugs as he begins walking away once more. “We all know boss has a soft spot for the little one, whether she wants to admit it or not.” He laughs. “That stubborn little thing.”

.

.

.

“My lady.”

You lay flat on your back, your feet still touching the floor as your legs bend in the knees from where you lay on your bed. Your arms lay straight by your side, hair flared all over, with eyes staring aimlessly at the ceiling above.

The silence echoes on for a while as Yuna stands in the room, a bite on her lower lip as your brows furrow, wondering what could be on your mind. The steps in your feet sounded angry just moments before and now that you’re completely silent, telling her dead on just how pissed off you must be. You’re a silent angry type.

But at least you haven’t demanded her to leave.

So Yuna stays, waiting and waiting as she always does until you can speak again.

“Yuna.”

And when you do, she’s at your side in an instant.

You sit up from your bed, the covers dark with red, and let out a heavy sigh that’s filled with frustration. She doesn’t see anything, her eyes blinded with the blindfold wrapped around her head, but Yuna knows more than anyone the expression you have on your face.

You take a moment before another sigh escapes your lips, this time softer, shorter, and she knows you must have an annoyed, bored expression on you.

“Come here.”

You feel a dip in the bed and she feels your head resting silently on your shoulder.

No words fall from your lips after that, the silent completely engulfing the room. But no words are needed out of the two of you. Yuna doesn’t have to say a thing to comfort you, she doesn’t have to speak because she knows, she understands that her presence alone can help you relieve some stress.

And for that, the silence stretches on for the longest time until she hears your slow breathing, long and quiet, and knows that you’ve fallen asleep.

Even after she tucks you in, she remains by your side just as she’s always done. Your first ever loyal follower who never made an attempt to shatter your trust.

.

.

.

Eyes widening, brows arched upwards, and with a mouth slightly held agap, Namjoon stares at the paper before him with disbelief. That was before his hands began to tremble well with a tight knuckled grip and questions arose before the rest of them at the anger that flashes in the boss’s eyes.

“What is it?” Yoongi asks and the paper is handed to him forcibly. He reads the content, brows creasing with suspicion before passing it on to the rest of them to have a look. “A paper proof isn’t proof at all,” he says to Namjoon. “Anyone could have altered his face and faked an employment record.”

“Hand me the flash drive.” When it’s handed to him, he immediately plugs it into his computer and let the video play for itself.

There before their eyes, is video evidence of a security footage showcasing the very man Namjoon has been searching for his whole life. He looks as young as he did the last time Namjoon saw him, a face he knows he can never mistake with anyone else.

“Who’s that little girl?” Jungkook asks, eyes narrowing at the small figure beside Namjoon’s brother.

“That must be Y/N,” Seokjin says and they watch carefully at the repeated video footage, at the little girl who smiles so brightly, her hair short to your shoulders and holding onto a book as she speaks happily to the man dressed in a butler suit, smiling down at her with the same compassionate eyes Namjoon always remembered them to be.

“So she was telling the truth.”

“No, this could have been altered too. Taehyung, take a look at it.”

“Right.”

As the others talk amongst themselves, Hoseok stands there in the midst of it all, eyes unable to leave the sight of the little girl in the video. Such a small little thing, smiling sweetly, eyes as pure and innocent as they were when he had loved you then.

He remembers the eyes days before, that bored expression, emotions left unseen no matter how much he searched, hoping it was all just a dream and you weren’t just looking at him in such a light — or the lack thereof.

There was so much darkness in them, different from the girl he remembers, from the little girl in that video. You used to look at him like he was the sun, but now he’s just another insignificant person in your life meant to pass by and not stay forever. You held no feelings, nothing, and was even strong enough to kill a person close to you.

You killed someone and he’s sure you’ve killed some more.

What happened to you? What happened to that girl he once knew?

“Hoseok.”

He looks up to find six pairs of eyes staring straight at him, and Hoseok remains silent as he knows just what those eyes are asking him. His brows furrow but he suppresses his anger because of the conflicted position he’s been placed into once again, just as he was ten years ago.

Them, or you.

Yet the answer is always clear, always the same.

He cannot love you when you belong to the Reapers. He cannot betray his own kingdom for yours. He has to abandon his feelings for you, bury them alive, for it to never fester ever again. Ten years ago he lived a lie, numb to almost everything, yet he still loved the guys so he couldn’t completely hate them for what they had done.

Ten years later and you return to his life once more.

What are his feelings now? Does he still love you all the same?

No. It isn’t the same.

He still cares but it isn’t the same as it was then. This is different, almost as if seeing your first love once again and knowing how you felt in those moments you loved them. He cares, he cares, and he will always have love for you, but right now his feelings are confusing and Hoseok doesn’t know what to think.

He walks away from his position, towards the door, while knowing all too well of the eyes that follow him.

But for now Hoseok ignores them. Bangtan and the Reapers are enemies now, playing as allies in your own little game.

He doesn’t know what to think.

.

.

.

“Boss, I’m sorry I couldn’t—”

The door pushes wide open with stomping feet rushing right in, almost knocking the man off his feet but he keeps his balance, brows furrowing. Then one by one, your soldiers are instantly at your side with protective stances ready to lung at the intruding members.

Yuna at your left, Mingyu on your right, with Dasom frowning deeply as she loads her gun.

You hold a hand up and everyone halts at your command.

“Y/N.”

Laying on the side of the newly made throne meant just for you, you let out a deep, exasperated sigh at Namjoon’s call as you make the effort to move in order to sit correctly for the guests you now have to entertain.

Seven of them are right there before your eyes, glares leveling your way saved by Hoseok who simply has on an unreadable face, and your eyes glint with slight amusement.

“I assume you got my message?” You say with a leg folding over the other, an elbow resting on the arm of your throne, with your head leaning against a fist. “So then, Mr. Kim, are you here to take my head or come in the conditions of our alliance?”

What arrogance.

Mingyu revels in how you enjoy playing with the people who had cast you aside. A smirk tugs at his lips as he knows just how much fun you’re having creating an amusement park with all the people who were allied with your father, with you playing as the master of ceremonies and tugging at everyone’s heartstrings of weaknesses.

“You’re playing a dangerous game here.” Namjoon scowls your way yet you’re unfazed by his glare.

You used to be so scared of him, now everything’s just entertainment for you.

“Am I?” You ask, even laughing a little. “So then, what do you say? Would you like to play along in this little revenge game of mine?”

He’s silent for a moment but you know Namjoon didn’t come here barging into the Reapers house, knowing just how much he’s outnumbered, without an already made up decision ready for you.

He takes out a piece of paper and throws it towards you where it flies for a few seconds before falling onto the floor. You don’t have to look at it to know what his answer is and a smirk plays on your lips.

“There’s a party I’d love for all of you to attend, held in just a few weeks.”

Namjoon narrows his gaze. “A party? For what?”

“My debut,” you say. “No one outside some trusted allies knows of my existence because father hid me very well. It’s time the dark society knows that the Reaper died and his daughter has taken over the throne. It’s time they know who Y/N is.”

[12:00 am]

“merry christmas.” renjun’s smile makes your heart pound as he pulls you closer to his chest.

you could feel how hard his heart was beating as he kissed your lips with his subtle chapstick tasting ones.

“you make me the happiest, santa gave me the best gift of all.”

that night was filled with your soft giggles and christmas music floating around the two of you.