I Have A Vent Blog That I Could Be Posting On But I Dont Really Care. I Feel Like Im Dying Rn. I Dont

i have a vent blog that i could be posting on but i don’t really care. i feel like i’m dying rn. i don’t know what happened. i had a coffee this morning and then next thing i know i’m shaking and frantically scribbling biblical angel designs in my science notes. i had a horrible relapse and tried to make myself bleed for the hell of it. i didn’t end up doing that but still. i don’t have any intent of cutting off my life subscription btw. but when my dad hit the middle thing in the car (dashboard?) i went into a full blown panic because once when i was a kid he broke my lampshade for accidentally hitting it and i didn’t even move i was just yelling in distress his voice was making me upset more

no point of this post. just a frantic life update. i’m gonna take a bath, wash my face, and drink some water

i feel like i’m a burden.

i don’t know where this feeling started. but i think i’m too high maintenance with some of my friends.

i feel like i need a constant stream of attention or i get sad.

but i’ve seen how older friends of mine reacted to this. they inevitably cut me off because i was too much.

and i thought i worked on this. i thought i was getting better

but now i worry. that’s all i do anymore. i finally have people that love me and care for me that aren’t my parents. and i don’t want that ripped from me because of my own selfish needs.

i don’t even know if it’s a problem. for a good portion of my life as a child i was outcast and isolated because of my neurodivergence. and now that’s less of an issue. there’s people that like me for me and don’t care about that stuff. keeping that in mind, it kinda makes sense why i think i need attention so much. because i barely got any from my peers.

realistically i know nobody will see it that way. nobody generally gives a shit what my life story is that makes me the way i am. that’s just how it is. i guess i just don’t want to lose the people i care about because i’m too much for them.

i don’t want that. not again.

I wanna see how much of the tumbr user base is queer so I made this 😋

Reblog for larger sample size! ☺️

Day 4- Jealousy

what they dont tell you about growing up as a very lonely little girl is that you grow up and still a part of you remains that very lonely little girl