Just me posting random little things - fav books rn are The Song of Achilles and They Both Die at the End. - Fav music artist is Mitski - (They/Them)
10 posts
Sadandcha0tic - Silly Little Feels - Tumblr Blog
IM SO GAY AND HAPPY THE GIRL I LIKE LIKES ME BACK AND SHES MY GIRLFRIEND NOW AND WE ARE DATING AND IM FREAKING TF OUT BC SHES JUST SO PRETTY AND PERFECT AND WHY DOES SHE LIKE ME??? BUT IT DOESNT MATTER BC I AM SO HAPPY SHE DOESSSS
I'm desperately trying to fix my life but every step of the way all I can think about is the fact that just killing myself would be so much easier.
More Than a Friend; a short story by me
“Are you sure you don't want me to take you home?”
“I’m fucking sure, just go already… please.”
“Ugh, fine, fuck you then,” he said, speeding off in his car. He being my boyfriend, no, ex-boyfriend, Lewis.
The reason for that he is now my ex is that I just found out that he has been sleeping with my best friend, Lilliana, for over five months. We’ve been together for six. Naturally, I told him to fuck off. Gotta pretend like I actually liked him and wasn’t just using him so people wouldn’t find out that I’m a flaming fucking lesbian.
That ended with me, here, in the middle of the parking lot of a restaurant that's a 30-minute drive from my house, with no money and no ride. Shit. I can’t call my brother, he’s working, Mom would kill me, and Dad’s been dead for 2 years. The only other person I can think of is my childhood best friend (now sorta enemy), Morgan. Double-Shit, fuck.
I call her. Pick up, pick up, pick up!!
“Hello?”
“Hey, Morgan, it's me, Blair... um, can you pick me up?”
“And why the hell would I do that?”
“Because Lewis just fucking broke up with me… also because I asked nicely?”
“...fine, where are you? And that was not nice”
***
And now, here I am, in Morgan’s car. She hasn’t said a word since she picked me up twenty minutes ago. That is until now.
“What happened?”
“He’s been fucking Lilliana for more than five fucking months”
“Holy shit, the asshole was sleeping with your friend??”
“I know right!! I don’t blame Lilliana though, she knew I never liked him.”
“Want me to beat him up for you,” she says, smirking at me.
“Nah,” I laughed, “he’d be fucking dead!”
She laughs, and Shit, I forgot how much I loved the sound of her laugh. I forgot how much I missed this, I wish I had never stopped talking to her. what was I afraid of? We were so close but now…
“Wanna hang out at my place? We can eat ice cream, watch some movies, and if you want you can sleep over,” she said, breaking the silence I wasn’t even aware of.
“Yeah, that sounds like fun!” I said, shocked but happy all the same. I smile at her, as she puts her gorgeous long dyed dark red hair into a ponytail. Was she always this beautiful? I thought to myself, but then I push the thought aside, remembering that I had just been broken up with less than an hour ago. That's the only reason she’s doing this, I tell myself, she pities me. Although this doesn't feel like pity, it feels more like… an indescribable joy, definitely more than how I have felt with any other friend.
***
We arrive at her house, and surprisingly she runs around to open the car door for me.
“What a gentlewoman” I laugh. She just smiles her stupid, goofy smile at me, while holding the door for me to get out. Dear Fucking God, she’s beautiful… Shit, it’s happening again. I like her, don’t I? Fuck…
We walk inside and exchange pleasantries with her parents and little sister, who are on their way out the door, to go to dinner. I check the time, my wristwatch reads 6:45 pm, when they say they will be back around 10:00. Over three hours with just me and Morgan, alone in her house?? Fuck.
After they leave, she grabs my hand, leading me to her room. I try not to freak out about holding her hand, but my attempts are pointless. She doesn't let go until we are both sitting on her bed, eyes locked.
She nervously clears her throat and turns to grab the TV remote. Did I make her nervous? No, I couldn’t have, she’s straight… or at least I thought she was. I could have been wrong. I need to stop indulging in these thoughts.
She turns on this new rom-com movie, but I don’t pay attention to it, I’m too busy staring at her, her eyes, her hair, her lips, her… Eventually, she is gonna notice… I should stop, but I can’t seem to take my eyes off her…
“What?” she says smiling over at me.
“Nothing… you’re just…”
“Just, what?”
“Beautiful” I whisper, while realizing I’ve definitely been staring at her lips for too long. Her breath catches when she notices, and bites her lip. So many thoughts are running through my head: When she bites her lips and looks at me like that, I wanna be more than a friend.
Does she feel the same? does she want me back? I wanna be more than her friend...
“You think so?”
“Well… yeah, I think you’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever m-”
She cuts me off with a kiss, a small one, but still, I am so shocked, I just stare at her for a minute, trying to register what just happened.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-”
Now it’s me who cuts her off with a kiss. She tangles her hand in my hair, laughing, as I pull her closer to me by her waist. When we finally break apart, she smiles.
“Wanna be my Girlfriend?”
“I have never wanted anything more in my life than the amount of how much I want that. ” I reply, smiling harder than I have in a long time. She kisses me, and God, I feel whole again.
Word Count: 916
Exile; a short story by me
The branches whip across my face, my dress tearing as it catches. I run through the thick wood, trees towering above me in a sinister way. I begin to slow down as the forest seems to thin. I’m getting close to being out of here.
Snap.
I whip around, only to find a wide-eyed child holding a much too-large sword behind me.
“Rowan! Mira!! I found someone!” they yell, looking up at me curiously. The child looks to be around 12 years-old and small.
“Who are you?” They ask, “My name is Finley.”
“Hi, um… My name is-”
I’m unable to finish my sentence before something hits my head from behind. I slump to the ground, passed out.
***
“-if she would just wake up, already…” someone grumbles.
My eyes slowly open. Standing in front of me is an enchanting, young woman with shoulder-length auburn hair. She looks down at me with a puzzled yet intense facial expression, and, of course, she’s pointing a sword at me.
We seem to be in a small room with wooden floors and walls. That's when I realize the room was moving. We’re on a ship, and based on the people in the room with me, it's a pirate ship at that. I’m also tied up. Just my luck.
Near the door is another, more annoyed-looking, young woman, this one has long braided brown hair and is slightly taller than the other one. She too has a sword, only hers is sheathed.
“Who are you and what are you doing here?” The first one asks.
“Why do you need to know?” I respond as she narrows her eyes at me.
“Answer the question. Now.”
“Fine… My name is Blythe. I’m on the run, tryna get to the next kingdom over.”
The two women exchange looks with one another. “What are you thinking, Captain?” The second woman asks. Captain? She’s in charge? The first only turns away to face me once more.
“I’m Rowan. This is my crewmate, Mira, she's the one who knocked you out. The child you met earlier was Finley.”
“Nice to know… but why are you telling me all this?”
“We require… some assistance,” she says, putting her sword away. “You see, we aren't permitted to enter the town we’re coming up on and we’re running low on supplies. If you go into town with one of us and help to gather supplies, we will take you to your destination.”
I pause. Should I trust them? If I say no they’ll probably kill me. Might as well get something out of this.
“Ok… but I’ll need a list… and money”
She grins at me and signals for the other woman, Mira, to untie me.
Standing now, I look at Rowan, she motions for me to follow her out of the room onto the ship's deck.
Suddenly I become self-conscious about my torn dress, and how my face is likely covered in dirt. She leads me across the deck to another room, this one is slightly larger with a bed and a desk. On the bed lies a new-looking pale green dress and black cloak.
“I noticed your dress was torn…” Rowan says, looking at me over her shoulder and gesturing to the clothes on the bed, her expression unreadable.
“Thank you…” I respond as she leaves the room so I can get dressed.
After she leaves I feel as if I can breath for the first time in weeks. I need a break.
2 WEEKS LATER:
As I walk in, she looks up from her work, and I hear her breath catch. Which, of course, makes my heart beat a million times faster. She walks around the table and up to me.
“You look… good,” she says, clearing her throat. I attempt, and fail, at suppressing the smile growing on my face. She smiles back at me, and grabs my hand, walking out the door.
“We’re here.” She pulls me to look over in the direction of a large island, smiling back at me, as my heart rate increases once more, but this time for multiple reasons.
***
“Well, that was exhausting,” we just walked through the whole market and were only able to obtain a bag of apples and a few curious looks. Despite that, Rowan smiles at me, amused, but her smile soon fades as she looks over my shoulder at something. I turn, curious, only to find a royal guard asking questions of a woman at one of the market stands.
Oh no.
Before I can think I grab Rowan’s hand and our supplies and make my way back towards the boat.
“What's wrong?” she asks.
“I have to get out of here,” I say, looking at her urgently.
She nods as she leads me toward the woods.
“We can hide here for a bit, Mira and the others took the boat to a cave after we left, so we wouldn’t get found and they won’t be back for another hour.”
“Ok.”
And that's when a hand clamps down on my shoulder. My eyes widen at the same time as Rowan’s as she looks over my shoulder at the royal guard who is smiling sinisterly above me.
***
“Rowan!!” I gasp, sitting up, suddenly awake. I look around me to find I’m back in the dungeon.
“How long have I been here?”
The guard posted outside my door looks at me and sighs. No answer.
Bang.
What was that… I make eye contact with the guard as she runs off.
Before I know what's happening Rowan’s standing in front of me, pulling me out of my cell. I'm so disoriented she has to practically carry me.
“Wait… what's going on?” I ask, forcing her to stop.
“We’re getting you out of here,” she replies, winking at me.
I can’t take it anymore and I pull her face into my hands and kiss her, tears running down my face. I know it's already too late. When I pull away, she sees the sword stabbed through my back, and the last thing I see is her beautiful face, wide-eyed and crying.
word count: 1018
I don't think I was supposed to live this long and that's why things are so bad
real
the worst feeling is when you feel like shit but you have no one to talk to to express how shitty you feel so you just have to suffer in silence.