Sweetseria1ki11er - Juliette ･:*࿔ೃ.⋆❀°𓇼°❀⋆.ೃ࿔*

“ I know they love the parts of me they see, not ME”

i’ve never seen my exact feelings put on tumblr, this is the most seen i’ve ever felt

i feel like I'm not meant to live in this world, like it makes sense

no matter what I do I'm always unhappy, wherever I go I'm always miserable, I don't work even though I need to because even thinking about it makes me feel like I'm about to pass out from the dread and anxiety

meds don't work, therapists say I'm not mentally ill and send me away, my whole body aches and I feel sick all the time but nothing shows up on the tests and doctors shrug their shoulders

I don't even feel like cvtting anymore, I mean I want to but I can't bring myself to actually do it, besides it's summer and I only do my arms

I don't feel like eating, I don't really like eating, my body doesn't like it but still craves it and I need to do it because I don't want to faint and land in a hospital, I'm surprised I haven't ended up there already

I'm a burden for everyone around me because I can't get a grip on myself and leave this self pitting hole I dug for myself, I know they are loosing their patience, I don't blame them, I would too

is it possible to will yourself away? like, detach yourself from your body and let it di3 while you float away? just drift off in your sleep, nobody would blame me for this, it would look like random sudden d3ath, nobody could call it a svicid3

I wish for that, it would be even better if deleting my existence entirely was possible, as if I never was there in the first place, it certainly would be easier for everyone around, it would save them the grief of my d3ath because I know they love the parts of me they see, not ME, but at least better this than nothing

I really wish they would know just how much fucking sorry I am for everything, for myself and my actions

but in the end it's all just wishful thinking

literally all i want is to leave this stupid city and move back to my old town where i didnt run into people i know on the streets and get stuck behind slow walkers. heaven is the hills.

still tired after my 5 hour nap

˖ ࣪⊹౨ৎ i ended up awkward but sweet