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honeymoon avenue

pairing; jaehyun x (f) reader

genre/warnings; smut, a pinch of angst, fluff, stuck in an elevator with your ex-fiancé, exes to lovers, unprotected sex, oral (f receiving), very fast-paced story

summary; A year ago, wedding bells were ringing and you were screaming, “Yes!” at the top of your lungs. Last Christmas, you were supposed to be wed under a mistletoe. This Christmas, company finds you in the form of your ex-fiancé that broke off your engagement after you’re both inconveniently trapped in an elevator.

wc; 12.3k (complete opposite of a slow burn)

playlist; honeymoon avenue by ariana grande, my everything by ariana grande, undo (back to my heart) by tinashe, ice queen by baekhyun

a/n; ‘tis the season! decided to try something a little new. this was definitely a challenge for me, but it was fun regardless. merry christmas! see this as a little gift from me <3 as always, feedback is appreciated!

Last year around this time, you had arranged to be wed. You recalled restlessly counting down the days until your lover would meet his lips to yours in front of all of your friends and family once granted the greenlight to kiss the bride.

You had everything planned down to a “T.” The banquet hall would be emerald and burgundy. There would be an arch above you where a mistletoe would hang. The wedding cake would have Jaehyun’s surname. And everyone’s attire would be formal, though seasonal.

It was supposed to be the best day of your life.

A winter wonderland wedding seemed like an apt choice for you. You were so, so cold, but there was still an air of warmth to you. Now, your heart was unthawed.

This Christmas - much like the last - you would be alone.

It stung knowing you would be lonely for the second Christmas in a row and there was nobody at fault but yourself. You were miffed at your own behavior, but gave yourself no time to dwell on the past, doing what you knew how to do best - work until your brain went numb.

There was plenty on the roster today. A corporate meeting, phone calls to answer, and reports that wouldn’t type themselves. And that was to be brief. Speaking of which, you needed to brief employees about new protocols.

“Come on, come on, come on,” you chanted impatiently to yourself, tapping your foot against the floor. The elevators in your apartment were running later than usual today.

You heaved a breath of relief when the doors chimed open. Out went a group of people and in went you. Maneuvering your body to press the first floor button, you came to a halt when you noticed it was already selected and gleaming.

That was when you finally noticed the man in the elevator - the only other person there with you - glancing down at his phone. You leaned against the railing and shifted your attention to the door nonchalantly, writing off the stranger as the very least of your concerns. Getting to work on time was paramount.

As it always was.

Morning traffic is going to be brutal, you thought with a grimace. Every thought in your head revolved around work and how long it would take you to get there.

It would seem you would have no time for your morning coffee run. You remembered those times when you’d stay the night at Jaehyun’s, waking to a hot cup of coffee that he’d made just the way you liked it waiting for you.

Four words would permanently be etched into your memory. Have a good life.

With some disdain, you bade the thought retreat. Jaehyun was no longer a part of your life and you doubted he would want to be ever again. Not that you blamed him. It was your punishment alone.

The elevator gave a jolt and you gripped the elevator for dear life, screeching, “What the…?”

The floor indicator donned the number one in a big, bold shade of red, though ironically, the door gave not an inch. Which was odd. You pressed the button that ostensibly opened the door in these types of situations, but to no avail.

“Are we stuck?”

Your head snapped behind you and you nearly broke into a cold sweat when you noticed that the man lone in the elevator with you was no other than your ex-fiancé.

Living in the same apartment complex as the man you were once fated to marry was no easy feat, but the multiple years of seeing each other made it simpler to avoid him. For one, you knew one another’s routines and thus what time to be out the door either before or after the other.

That said, you had seen Jaehyun a couple of weeks ago, but the last time you’d spoken was when he returned all of your things from his apartment. Have a good life. Those were the last words he’d exchanged with you.

That had been approximately a year ago, a couple of weeks before Christmas and the day you were supposed to say, “I do.”

“Appears that way,” you replied, clearing your throat.

Jaehyun had his phone in his pockets now. You held your breath as you gave him a once-over. He was still handsome as ever, though that was to be expected. As far as you were concerned, he looked more or less the same as the last time you’d spoken, only his hair was a little lengthier. He still looked rather displeased to see you.

And he was wearing a suit. Which meant he was most likely also trying to go to work.

You frowned. Now you were thinking about Jaehyun in suits. Needless to say, that was a sore spot.

A voice came over a speaker and you recognized it as Yangyang’s, one of the apartment staff. He spoke like he was reading from a textbook, “Passengers, do not be alarmed. Our technical team will be arriving shortly to repair the service. We apologize for the inconvenience.”

You mused aloud, “Can he hear us?”

“Loud and clear,” Yangyang chirped.

“How long will it be before someone can help us?” you asked, never keen on being late.

“I can’t say, ma’am. Anywhere from fifteen minutes and a couple of hours.”

You interjected to screech, “A couple of hours?”

Jaehyun clamped a soothing palm on your shoulder to calm you down. It was almost embarrassing how effortlessly his touch could ease you even a year after he broke off your engagement.

Yangyang explained in his usual exuberant tone, “The weather and usual early traffic may cause a delay, ma’am. They will be arriving as swiftly as possible and servicing is already underway by our maintenance staff.”

“Thank you, Yangyang,” Jaehyun said, smoothing his palm down your back.

“Have a nice day, Mr. Jung. You too, ma’am.”

You heaved a breath. “So, it looks like we’re going to be here a while.”

“Hopefully not that long,” Jaehyun said, recouping his hand.

Though it stung, you understood. It went without saying that being trapped in an elevator with the ex that abandoned him was not part of today’s plan. He may have called off the engagement, but you were the one that left him high and dry.

You broke his heart. Not only that, you stole his future. Everything he ever dreamed of, a wife and children, was thrown out the window because of your selfishness.

Jaehyun discerned you would both be stuck together for a while and rather than sit in awkward silence, he asked, “How’s life?”

Darn him. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn’t get the last words he had said to you out of your head. Have a good life.

The breakup was bitter and stone-cold. Jaehyun made a couple of things unmistakably clear with those four words alone. For one, he was cutting you out of his life for good. And he no longer desired to be imprisoned within yours, being punished for no good reason at all.

And you never fought him - never fought to win him over. Maybe because you had already known for some time that your engagement was in danger. It was beyond reclaim. Irrevocably damaged.

Never one to appear weak, you said, “Good. Really good. I was promoted to secretary.”

Jaehyun perked up. You got what you wanted. But did I deserve to be the sacrifice, baby? Was it worth it?

“Still a workaholic, I see.”

You frowned. “Old habits die hard. How have you been?”

“I can’t complain,” Jaehyun said. “I wasn’t promoted or anything, but everything’s been pretty good over here.”

You had no doubts. Jaehyun was an editor and his line of work gave him plenty of leeway. For the most part, he worked from home, though there were instances where he came into the workplace. At least, when you last spoke, that is.

“That’s amazing. I’m happy for you,” you said, willing yourself to smile. A part of you was strangely bitter. It didn’t want to see him happy without you.

Though you no longer followed each other, Jaehyun still popped up on your Instagram homepage every now and then. And perhaps you’d searched his page more times than you cared to admit. Everything about his page was achingly sentimental and reminiscent of your past together.

Pictures of him at museums or bridges at nighttime or parks with his hair whipping through the breeze. Once upon a time, you were the one taking those pictures of him. Now, you wondered who was behind the camera, living the life you’d carelessly given away.

“Thanks,” was all he willed himself to reply.

Your eyes instinctively fell to your watch and your head fell back as you groaned, “God, I’m going to be late for work.”

Jaehyun fought a snort. “You and me both. At least there’s still some good news.”

“Like what?”

“It’s warm in here,” Jaehyun commented lightheartedly.

You chuckled. What a way to relieve the tension. Though Jaehyun never failed to make you laugh with ease. Except for when you broke up. Nothing was funny then.

Those weeks leading to the breakup may have been worse than the day it actually happened altogether. The feeling of knowing something was inevitably bound to happen yet being unable to prevent it was arguably worse than the emptiness you felt when Jaehyun announced he no longer wanted anything to do with you.

Emptiness numbed you to the pain for a couple of days. You couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep. All you could feel was a bitter, nipping cold enveloping you, eventually splitting you right down the middle.

Jaehyun subtly eyed you as you typed a message to your boss, warning him that you may have been late for work and telling him to proceed without you. Maybe some things never changed. You were still gorgeous, that was for sure. But you were also still married to your work. Ultimately, that would always prove to be your downfall.

It seemed like only yesterday you were his. He was planning to meet you at the altar, itching to sweep you into his arms and kiss you the moment you were pronounced husband and wife.

You had always been a workaholic. At one point, Jaehyun loved it about you. He never thought your relationship would be foredoomed because of it. Devoted and loyal were two terms that described you strongly.

Although, maybe you had been too devoted to the wrong thing.

Your broken engagement was a prime example of what happened when you applied too much pressure to one thing and neglected the other. It was the wretched result of not finding balance.

Everything you ever hoped and dreamed of flashed before your eyes. Once upon a time, you were both making plans to move into a house together. You wanted a pet. And you were thinking about children.

Now, you were all alone. And you had never felt colder.

For some reason, the absurdity of your predicament hit you merely moments after you sent the text message. It just didn’t seem probable to be trapped in an elevator with your ex-fiancé. Much less alone. You threw your head back and whined, “I mean, what are the odds.”

Jaehyun pitched you a confused glance.

You winded a hand through your hair and elaborated, “Us being stuck in the exact same elevator and forcing ourselves to pretend we don’t mind. If I remember correctly, you had no intention of hearing from me again.”

“I think we should spare each other the awkwardness,” Jaehyun replied, donning an impassive expression. And tone.

You bit your lip. Maybe you shouldn’t have said anything. Jaehyun being kind to you should not have been mistaken and was probably more or less because he wanted to avoid as much tension as possible - not because he didn’t hate you.

Jaehyun spoke up again to ask, “How long have we been here?”

You glanced at your phone and read the time. “About fifteen minutes, I guess.”

“So, we’re going to be here for a couple of hours,” Jaehyun quipped, trying to lighten the mood the best way he knew how.

You winced, hoping there was an in between. “Not like I had anything else to do,” you mumbled.

Jaehyun himself wasn’t exactly bummed about missing a day, or at least a couple of hours. Though this was you. He used to joke that hell would freeze over the moment you decided to actually take a day off. “They will survive without you for a while,” he comforted softly.

You scoffed. You were carrying that company on your back. “I’m afraid that’s where you’re wrong. The whole building will be in flames if I’m not there within an hour tops.”

“I’m sure,” Jaehyun scoffed. “I’ve never seen anyone work as hard as you do.”

I have, you thought wistfully. Jaehyun fought harder for your relationship than you ever tried, but enough was enough. He was at his limit, giving more than he was receiving and he couldn’t let you take advantage of him anymore.

Though it was intended to be a compliment, for whatever reason, your heartache was only amplified. You swiftly changed the subject. “So, what are your plans for the holidays?”

He shrugged. “Nothing special. I’m going to spend some time with my family.”

That caught your attention. “You haven’t been seeing anyone?”

Jaehyun only shook his head. He was afraid of opening his mouth and saying something that would make shit awkward again. For all he knew, you two would both be stuck together for potentially the next couple of hours and he did not want to spend it in suffocating silence.

Unfortunately, Jaehyun couldn’t deny that after your engagement was broken off, finding other girls had been hard. They came a dime a dozen, but none of them remained. Even after you were long gone, bits of you lingered, scattered everywhere across his life.

Jaehyun went to bed and thought of nights spent cuddling you to sleep. He visited his favorite cafe and thought of your go-to order. Jaehyun hooked up with other girls and thought of how beautiful you looked writhing underneath him, your voice calling out his name in a cry, dripping with sweet honey.

Though you were forever gone, the memories of you still haunted him everyday. For so long, he had been convinced he was made for you. You were the only woman he ever wanted.

And he couldn’t have you.

Jaehyun commanded the thoughts to go away. You stopped being his long before the breakup. “You?”

“Oh, you know. With my line of work, I just don’t have the time,” you replied bashfully.

That Jaehyun knew all too well. Just a little.

He bobbed his head. “Sounds like you.”

Guilt suddenly plagued your chest. Every second beside him you were reminded of the fact that you were the one who ruined a beautiful thing. You had gotten what you strived for, though in hindsight, the lengths you went to get it were brutal and cold-hearted.

You had sacrificed so much of yourself to get to where you were. And now that you were standing at the top, you could finally see the collateral damage you’d inflicted at the bottom.

There was only a good couple of feet to separate you and Jaehyun. And you absolutely loathed it. There was more distance between you when he uttered those four words permanently etched into your memory, before turning and heading out of your front door.

Jaehyun fancied it no more than you did. Walking away had been hard. He looked back, but never stopped. A year ago, he was convinced that he would have moved on by now. But no matter how far apart you were, his heart was still one of your captives. Not only did he leave a piece of it with you, but the whole damn thing.

He wanted it back. Damn it, he wanted you back. He wanted back every piece of himself he gave you, but above all else, he wanted back what you had. To go back to the way everything was the day he got down on one knee and asked for permission to hold your heart forever.

He remembered it like it was yesterday. Earlier that spring, he took you to a bridge. Not only was it one of your favorite spots in the city, but it was where you both first said I love you.

Maybe that was why. Now, you couldn’t bring yourself to visit it anymore. The memories were too painful.

Just like the first time he took you there, night had fallen. The bridge overlooked a river, moonlight cast into the water. Purple lights made the trail glimmer. But the moon was a little fuller, the air a little cooler.

Not that either of you minded. To be with you, he was content.

You were beaming. Even before he proposed. None of you could stop thinking about the night you first said that you loved each other. But when Jaehyun asked you to marry him underneath the moonlight, you were over the moon.

You were chanting, “Yes!” Jaehyun had to sweep you into his arms and meet his lips to yours to cut you off. A very long time ago, the memory made him smile. Now, it made his heart swell with agony.

His eyes were sad. And understandably a little angry. Even after all these years, you could still read him clear as day. You wondered if he could read you, too. You whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Jaehyun heaved a deep breath. An apology wouldn’t fix his broken heart and saying you were sorry wouldn’t undo the heartache you inflicted on him. It wasn’t okay. He hated you for leaving him lonely. For choosing your job over a future together. He would never forgive you for it. “I never wanted much. I never wanted all of your time. Only a little was all I was asking for.”

“I don’t want to go there with you, Jaehyun,” you said, exhaling a sigh of your own.

All Jaehyun did was shake his head and murmur under his breath, “Classic.”

A part of you bristled. Why Jaehyun always wanted to hash things out with you was a mystery. Fighting was draining and you never had the energy. A long day of work left you with only enough strength to take a long hot shower before crawling into bed.

Not Jaehyun. He would never understand. The pressure to succeed, the struggle to unlearn the definition of success you were taught even before your adolescence.

A year ago, everything was falling apart in your relationship. You were arguing more, spending time together less. Jaehyun was trying to salvage what was left. In his mind, fighting with you was better than not speaking to you at all.

Most of your memories with him were unforgettable, but when they were bad, they were excruciating to think of. You could still remember the last argument before the uncoupling.

December was still fresh and the air was frigid, numbing your senses until you stepped into your warm apartment. Jaehyun was waiting for you there. A smile tugged your lips when you hung your coat and excitedly bounced into the kitchen, smelling hot chocolate.

“Baby, I’m home,” you sang radiantly. At one point, it used to be your favorite line to say. A lifetime of obsessing over movie cliches was to blame.

Jaehyun locked eyes with you and simpered. You looked nothing less than exhausted, though he found it cute on you. “Hey, my love. How was your day?”

You instantly groaned, “I’d rather not talk about it. Or think about it, for that matter.”

“Will a cup of hot cocoa make it better?”

You propped yourself on the island and flirted, “Made by Barista Jaehyun himself? Of course.”

Jaehyun handed you a mug and you accepted it graciously, muttering, “thank you.” He was the sweetest thing you could ask for. Even sweeter than the hot cocoa warming your palms.

That was how the arguments always began. They were sweet, innocent moments - until they weren’t.

Your lover dipped behind the island and returned with a mug of his own, still steaming with freshly hot cocoa. You thought absolutely nothing of it. Not until he opened his mouth. “How does a date night on Friday sound?”

You frowned. “This Friday?”

“Well, yeah,” Jaehyun said, rubbing his nape. “It’s been a while, you know. Since we’ve gone out on a date.”

That was true. Jaehyun always had some extra time to spare. He wanted to spoil and indulge you at every given chance. But you were always busy. Even when you were off the clock, you were still on the clock. And more often than not, you brought work back home with you.

“I’m so busy and so tired, Jay,” you whispered gently. God knew you wanted to, but you didn’t have the time and much less the energy.

“I get that,” Jaehyun started. “But can’t you take even a day off?”

“I’m aiming for a promotion, Jaehyun. I have to prove myself. My boss has been dangling this shit in our faces for the past few months. I can’t let an opportunity like that slip away.”

Jaehyun was rapidly getting frustrated and reminded, “You do realize we’re getting married in a few weeks, right?”

Your eyes flickered. “Yes, I do. And I plan to be there.”

“At the rate you’re going, I wouldn’t be surprised if you stood me up.”

Your heart sank. “How can you say that?”

“How couldn’t I?” Jaehyun snapped, evidently pained. “We’ve been engaged for the past nine months, but it doesn’t feel like I’m about to get married. It feels like I’m losing you because you’re too absorbed in your goddamn job.”

“Are you asking me to choose you over my job?” you asked, standing to your feet. This entire argument was an affront to your pride.

“No. There is no point in giving you an ultimatum when I already know that you will choose your job every time without hesitation - you already do. I’m asking you to make room for me, but I can’t force you to do anything you don’t want to.”

You countered, “I do want you.”

“Do you?” Jaehyun snapped, skeptical. “You can’t even go on a date with me. You want a promotion more than anything else.”

You sighed, “I don’t want to fight, Jay.”

“I know that. You don’t want to fight for anything,” Jaehyun said bitterly. “You would rather watch us burn to ash than fight for us.”

Anger plagued you and you were prepared to hurl something back, but he didn’t give you the chance.

Jaehyun added, “I don’t like the person this job has made you become. I want the woman I proposed to back, and I’m scared she’s not there anymore.”

Your words were cold as ice, “Then, leave.”

And the rest was history.

There was nothing you could say when Jaehyun left you, no fight for you to give. It was you that sent him away. It was you that made him leave. He had only given you what you asked for.

Old habits died hard. The one-year anniversary of both the breakup and the day you were supposed to be married was rapidly approaching and to distract yourself from the pain, you were burying yourself in work. You didn’t want to think about Jaehyun and what you almost had. Not even for a second. And then, today came and ruined everything.

Now, you were being forced to confront the past.

Don’t cry, don’t cry, don’t cry. You’re stronger than this. God, you wanted to be anywhere but here right now. Tears burned your eyes, but you would never let them fall. Not with Jaehyun there. You didn’t want him to see the mess he’d left of you - how miserable you were without him.

You wanted to mend everything back together, but it was too late. Everything was irreparably broken. You had the opportunity to patch things up, and you passed it up. No more time could be wasted crying for the moon.

And still, somewhere deep inside, you knew Jaehyun would steal it for you.

Jaehyun saw your eyes and softened a little. Damn it, they still made him weak. Your tears were made of diamonds and they were priceless. Jaehyun said, “My mother still talks about you, you know. She asks me when we’re going to get back together.”

Your eyes flickered. “That’s… interesting,” you lied. “I thought she would hate me. And be more protective of her baby.” Because I broke your heart.

“You know my mother always loved you,” Jaehyun chuckled fondly. “I don’t think anyone believed in us more than her - not even ourselves.”

Somebody had to, you thought weakly. Though Jachyun was a romantic to his core, even he had to eventually throw in the towel.

Everyone thought you and Jaehyun would be the perfect match. Each of your families were anticipating a beautiful wintry nuptial ceremony on Christmas day. And when news of the uncoupling broke loose, your people weren't exactly shocked, but they were heavily disappointed.

You were clearly the problem. Until you learned how to balance, you would never be happy in love.

Up until now, you were beginning to become content with that fate.

Though now, your heart was greedy.

Jaehyun’s mother crossed your mind. She was the epitome of an angel and the fact that she still wanted you in her son’s life after all the pain you caused him was deafening. But what about what Jaehyun wanted? Does he even still love me?

Every moment spent with his mother had been wonderful. She spoke fondly of him and vice versa and supported him unconditionally. It was true motherly love and it made your chest stiffen, taut with envy. Ever since you were a kid, you only knew pressure. Your parents wanted you to have the life they didn’t when they were your age, but they were very strict in how they went about it.

Tough love was all you received. They didn’t help you through trying times. You were expected to suck it up. You were taught that tears were a sign of vulnerability and vulnerability was weakness.

You fought them back with everything you had and said, “How does she know I wouldn’t mess things up again?”

“I don’t know,” Jaehyun told you, not disputing the fact that you had essentially destroyed everything. It stung, but it was the truth. “She says ‘a mother knows best.’”

Jaehyun watched you struggle to hold yourself together. You were good at pretending to be okay and smiling through your pain, but he was even better at seeing through you. He saw you through a lens that only a man who loved you with his whole mind, body, and soul for years could see. He saw all your weaknesses, all your flaws. But he never judged and he saw something else in them, too. What made you beautiful.

“But what do you want?” It was killing you. For as long as you stood there, you needed to know.

“I wanted you,” Jaehyun replied honestly. “But you wouldn’t let me have you.”

You shook your head. “You had me. Every piece of me - it belonged to you.”

“That’s not how I remember it,” Jaehyun muttered. “You had my heart, but your work had yours.”

“That’s not true.”

Jaehyun was firm. “It is and you know it.”

“I loved you,” you told him softly.

“Well, you sure had a funny way of showing it.”

You gripped the railing to anchor yourself. It didn’t move, but you could feel yourself slipping into weakness. “I don’t know how to stop, Jaehyun. I think it’s a part of me now. It’s hard to stop doing something you’ve done your whole life.”

I don’t like the person this job has made you become. I want the woman I proposed to back, and I’m scared she’s not there anymore.

Maybe he was right. Maybe that woman was long gone.

A cloud of melancholy came over you, pouring over you and Jaehyun. He told you somberly, “I could have helped you if you would have let me in. But you were pushing me away.”

“I know,” you said, meeting his dark eyes. “But I wish I would have known back then. I never realized I was breaking us apart. Not until it was too late. I thought I was doing what was best…”

Jaehyun finished darkly, “You were doing what was best for yourself. Not for us.”

You opened your mouth to defend yourself, but quickly accepted he was right and instead said, “I was wrong. I was selfish. I wasn’t considering how any of it made you feel and that’s a decision I have to live with now.”

“Do you regret it?” I need to know if my broken heart was worthwhile.

Your eyes burned. “Every day of my life.”

“Why?” Jaehyun questioned, voice barely above a whisper. “You got the promotion. Isn’t that what you wanted?”

“I thought it was,” you muttered. Your chest was swelling with self-disgust and agony and anger. Not at Jaehyun, but at yourself. “But when I lost you, I realized that everything I needed was already right there. Until it wasn’t.”

Jaehyun was quiet but pensive. As if he was trying to trace exactly where everything started going wrong.

Even in school, you were devoted. You were the valedictorian of your class. Jaehyun used to steal you away to kiss you behind the bleachers. But you would always be there for his basketball games, cheering him on better than any cheerleader.

High school sweethearts, he thought wistfully. In high school, you won prom king and queen. Everyone thought you would last forever. That only God himself could part you.

How beautiful it was to be young, dumb, and in love.

Jaehyun knew your issues stemmed from your childhood. When you were still in high school, sometimes you had to blow him off to study. He remembered you canceling hangouts because your parents refused to let you out of their house until you studied until you were cross-eyed. Their house, their rules, was the policy.

But he also remembered those nights when he would hear a knock on his bedroom window and smile when he saw you beaming at him through the glass. One December night, you were crazy enough to sneak out during the nipping cold, shivering and rubbing your arms outside his window.

Though it was many years ago, Jaehyun remembered that night clearly. His mother made you hot cocoa and promised not to tattle. She always had a soft spot for you and held some disdain for your parents. She claimed they worked you too hard.

Everything was so perfect back then. He knew what changed, but he couldn’t understand why. You used to make time for him whenever you could. As the pressures of adulthood caught up to you, it all came to a slow, brutal end.

But why?

Then, leave. Those were the two words he would never forget. They were powerful than the I love you’s - more powerful than the I miss you’s. Your clipped, icy tone, would maybe someday be forgiven, but never forgotten.

A stubborn wound was forevermore slashed on his heart waiting for you to heal it.

You were breaking. Every part of you was crashing down. A familiar ache split your heart right down the middle. “I’ll never forgive myself for throwing away the most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me. I didn’t know what I had until it was gone and I can’t tell you enough how sorry I am.”

Your ex-lover was mawkishly nostalgic and sentimental and never said he forgave you, for that would take a while longer, but told you, “I knew I was the second priority in your life after your career. And I was okay with that. Then, it started to feel like I had no place in it at all. I was at the end of my tether, a stranger to the woman I was supposed to marry, and I knew we couldn’t carry on like that, my love.”

My love. That was what Jaehyun always used to call you. Your eyes flickered. “Do you still…?”

“I don’t think I’ll ever completely get over you,” Jaehyun admitted forlornly.

That was when the dam broke. Jaehyun had dismantled you piece by piece and left you vulnerable. You had no strength to fight back the tears rolling down your cheeks.

Jaehyun’s arms, as they always were, were wide open. He pulled you into his warm embrace and let you sob into his chest, smoothing his hand down your back and protecting you from the sharp coldness of your own pain. You were beleaguered to remember the last time you let yourself cry. You let everything pile up until the water pressure became too much.

“Shh. It’s okay. Let it out,” Jaehyun crooned, gently stroking your hair. “You’re not weak.”

There was an ache resurfacing in your body and it was purely unshakable. Your heart was whole, but hollow. Only its pleas to be back with Jaehyun - where it belonged - rang out in the icebound, empty void.

Being in Jaehyun’s arms only made you nostalgic and the pain hit you harder. You thought regretfully of those moments in the past when he would hold you for all to see. And you remembered going to bed and always knowing he was still there, because you would feel his arms still tight around you and smile. Like he wanted to protect you, even while asleep.

You sobbed, “I don’t deserve you.”

Jaehyun gently pushed you back only a little and looked you in your eyes. He wiped your cheeks with his thumb and told you calmly, “You made a mistake. We all do.”

The gesture made you soft and weak. Goddamn it, you were so weak for him. Like your knees would give in any moment now.

“Not like the one I made, though.”

“That’s true,” Jaehyun said. “But do you regret it?”

Your voice wavered, “More than anything.”

“Then, I forgive you.”

You shook your head, not knowing how to accept that. You didn’t deserve forgiveness. You didn’t deserve understanding. But that was the kind of person Jaehyun was.

He deserves someone better than me, you thought somberly. But you wouldn’t know what you would do with yourself if he found that someone.

“You should hate me,” you said softly, voice cracking. “I broke your heart. I broke us.”

Jaehyun shook his head. “You know what my mother always says?”

“It doesn’t only matter if you break something, but if you’re willing to put it back together,” you said, smiling fondly at the memory of his mother. She always treated you like you were her own.

Jaehyun nodded and asked, “Are you willing to put us back together again?”

You mulled it over. There was no doubt that you were willing. Back then, you were too in your head to notice reality. Now, you were blindsided by pain and regret and inclined to do anything to make it stop. “What if I mess up again?”

“Relationships aren’t perfect. People fuck up and people make mistakes. You’re only human,” Jaehyun told you frankly. “I’ll be there to help you clean it up. But don’t let me pull all the weight. We both have to fight together.”

“Okay.” You knew what you wanted now. It wasn’t that job. It wasn’t a promotion. It was the man that had spent half his life loving you, and would still love you for the other half. “I’m willing.”

Jaehyun smiled. A part of him couldn’t fathom how this was happening. The hole in his heart was steadily being sealed. He pulled you back flush against his chest.

The tension in the air seemed to alleviate then. You could finally breathe again. Being in a tight space with the love of your life didn’t feel suffocating anymore, but closer to relief.

You were talking freely again. You missed just being able to have a conversation with Jaehyun, recalling those times when you would discuss anything under the sun. Long nights of talking the moon away knowing full well you had work in the morning hit you. With Jaehyun, the small talk was skipped. You could discuss anything and everything.

There was no worry, no fear. Sometimes, there would be tension, but never the unpleasant kind. Only moments ago, those times seemed like merely a distant memory. Now, there was hope that you had Jaehyun back.

In his arms, you realized that was where you belonged. It was your safe haven in a world filled with danger. Your secrets were safe with Jaehyun and you were free to be vulnerable, because you knew he would never betray you. No matter what happened between you both, whether you were angry or in love, you knew whatever you told each other would forever remain under lock and key.

“Do you remember the arch?” you asked, wistfully recalling what could’ve been. “I wanted a mistletoe up there. For some reason, I couldn’t shake the thought of kissing you underneath it for the first time as your wife.”

Jaehyun chuckled fondly. “I remember. I also remember you wanted John Stamos to marry us because he was your, and I quote, ‘true first love.’”

You nudged his side. “Hey, I would have also accepted Shemar Moore.”

Goddamn it, now Jaehyun was thinking about kissing you. His eyes fell to your pretty lips, still as enticing as they used to be when you were his. Never had he wanted to kiss you so badly. Like it would heal the wounds caused by missing you.

Can I… can I kiss you?” Jaehyun asked.

You said with no hesitation, “You can do whatever you want to me.”

Now that he had your permission, Jaehyun didn’t waste a second to envelop your lips in his. Only then did you realize how much you missed feeling his lips on yours, how much you craved tasting his tongue in your mouth. You had gone so long without, but ironically, he still felt like home. And making out with him felt right as ever.

Jaehyun kissed you so fiercely that he nearly swept you off balance and caught your hips in his arms. Your fingers threaded through his hair, back against the railing. He kissed you to make up with the wasted times he spent with other people. You kissed him to make up for the wasted times you could have spent with each other. To fill the void and patch each other back up.

He taught you what love was. It was letting each other in instead of freezing each other out. It was building something beautiful together and fighting to protect it instead of letting it all fall apart and into ruins.

Kissing you eased Jaehyun’s heart. His pain was forgotten and he was overwhelmed with his undying love for you. He would never get over you, no matter how hard he tried. A love like the one you had would take more than a lifetime to get over you.

The way you immediately clicked, it was like you knew each other in a past life. Even now, his feelings were unabating. In his next life, it would still be you and only you. Always and forever.

You were so besotted with Jaehyun and the way his lips tasted that neither of you noticed the elevator door opening.

Yangyang cleared his throat. “Um, guys?”

Both of you whipped around, more than a little shocked to see the door open with Yangyang standing in the middle to prevent it from closing on you.

Jaehyun looked at you and asked, “How long have we been in here?”

“Approximately two hours,” Yangyang chirped. “You’re free to go now. By free to go, I mean please exit the lift. As you can see, there’s a bit of a line.”

You looked behind Yangyang and saw a couple of people impatiently waiting to travel upstairs. You lowered your head and flushed. Jaehyun laced his fingers through yours and led you outside of the elevator, smiling like a dumbass. He didn’t care who saw. He couldn’t have been any more happy than he was right now.

“Well, we’re free,” he said once you were both in the clear. Then, he frowned. “But we still have work.”

You winced. “And I wasn’t kidding about the place burning down. I really need to be there. I know how that sounds, but I promise I’ll make it up to you later. Do you trust me?”

“Of course,” Jaehyun said, grabbing your wrist and kissing the back of your hand.

Your heart tugged at the gesture. Why’d he have to be so goddamn perfect?

You got on your toes and pressed a brief kiss to his lips, feeling butterflies swimming in your gut. It seemed they had come to visit again. “I’ll see you later, Jaehyun.”

Jaehyun told you goodbye and watched you leave. It hurt a little to see you go, but he knew you would come back to him. You always did, even if it took a year and unlikely circumstances.

When you were gone, he turned around and grabbed his phone out of his pockets. He had to tell his mother that maybe she knew best after all.

Night fell. Jaehyun still hadn’t heard from you although you should have been off from work hours ago. A part of him was worried, but he still trusted that you wouldn’t give in to your old habits. It was Friday night. Maybe you were resting and would see him tomorrow.

Jaehyun went into his living room and played some music. The atmosphere reminded him of you. Holding you in his arms and spinning you around. Everywhere he went, he could still hear your voice and laughter ringing in his hair, like the ghost of you was haunting him.

He shook his head. You drove him mad. He accepted that he would never forget you, much less the way it felt to love you.

The doorbell rang and he could barely hear it over his music. Jaehyun didn’t pause it, but went to open his door and was pleasantly surprised to see you standing there.

“What are you doing?” Jaehyun asked.

“I told you I would make it up to you,” you said, gesturing to the pair of grocery bags in your arms.

It was Jaehyun’s natural instinct to take them out of your hands, and turning, he said, “Hurry up and come in. It’s cold outside.”

You didn’t need to be told twice and followed him immediately, shutting the door behind yourself. It was warm and cozy inside his apartment, as always. You hung your coat on the rack and glanced around, memories hitting you tenfold, square in the heart. Everywhere your eyes fell, you saw figures of you and Jaehyun.

Dancing in the living room. Movie night marathons on the couch. And racing down the hallway with your lips on the other’s and your hands desperately trying to remove each other’s clothes as you messily stumbled into the bedroom for a long night of loving.

“I see you’ve already set the mood,” you joked when you noticed the music playing, watching him set the groceries on the counter.

Jaehyun beamed. “I wasn’t even expecting company.”

“Sorry for showing up unannounced.” You smiled coyly, approaching the kitchen. “I’ll make it up to you. And no, you can’t help, Chef.”

“Please?”

You grabbed a gigantic wooden spoon and pointed at him. “Sit your ass down.”

“Jesus. Alright, then,” Jaehyun said, lifting his arms defensively. Ever stubborn were you. The reminder roused a chuckle from him. “Have it your way then, bossy.”

“I will.”

Jaehyun shook his head, still cheesing like an idiot. You were still iron-willed. That part of you would never change.

You cooked dinner in Jaehyun’s apron and he laughed at how big it was on you. The memories were overwhelming now. It seemed that no matter where you were or what you were doing, his mind would always find a way to remind him of your presence.

But the memories didn’t have to be bitter or painful anymore. He wanted to try again. He wanted a fresh start, a chance to repaint the canvas and a clean slate. As long as you were both determined to make things work, Jaehyun had faith in you and him.

“Dinner was amazing,” Jaehyun complimented, throwing your dirty dishes in the sink to be remembered later. He stepped back over to the island and trapped you in his arms.

You peered up at him, cheeks warming. “Thank you.”

Looking into your pretty eyes, Jaehyun couldn’t resist the temptation to kiss you anymore. You made a noise of surprise when he met his lips to yours, caught completely off-guard, but you kissed him back. It would be fighting your instincts not to.

You closed your eyes and let Jaehyun guide you, trusting he would never lead you astray. When he kissed you, he melted away your icebound surface and got under your skin, peeling you back layer by layer. You liked kissing Jaehyun. Way too much. Even now, you could still recall the first time you made out, hiding behind the bleachers on campus yet gigging loud enough for all to hear.

When it came to each other, you both were like moths to the dangerous flames of love. Love would always unite you again. You couldn’t resist those pretty, twinkling sparks of fire. And you couldn’t get enough of the burn.

Jaehyun was confused when you pulled away, but looked into your eyes again and saw a kind of sadness twinkle in them. Your voice was weak, “Why don’t you hate me?”

“I couldn’t even if I wanted to, baby,” Jaehyun said, finding your hand and squeezing it firmly. “And believe me, I tried. Even if a part of me did hate you, an even bigger part of me will always love you.”

That was all you needed to hear before you were sucking on his tongue again, wet kissing noises tangled in the sound of old school music.

Then, Jaehyun pressed you into the counter, kissing you even rougher. You were riling him up, moaning into his mouth and that noise would never not do it for him. A different kind of fire came over you when you noticed him very impatiently unbuttoning your blouse.

Same old Jaehyun. At heart, he was still the same as the cute boy you fell in love with. You were pleasantly impressed that kissing you alone still got him up.

You broke the kiss again to ask through jagged breath, “Do you think we’re moving too fast?”

“Probably,” Jaehyun replied. Not that he gave a damn. Unless you did, of course. “Do you wanna stop?”

“Jaehyun, I literally have not had sex in over a year. If you don’t fuck my brains out I think I’ll cry.”

Jaehyun chuckled darkly. “That can be arranged.”

You made a noise of surprise when Jaehyun cautiously scooped you into his sturdy arms and lowered you onto the counter. You made out hotly, his hands continuing to quickly unbutton your blouse and yours pulling his shirt above his head.

The sight of his happy trail and toned abs made your core throb. And your mouth water. Your palms involuntarily slicked over them, feeling nothing but hard skin and muscle.

“See something you like?” Jaehyun asked, grinning in the most annoying way possible.

You swallowed the lump in your throat and said, “Still a gym rat, I see.”

Jaehyun bobbed his head. “Yeah. I still hit the gym with Johnny when we have spare time.”

That you knew. Despite the breakup, you and Jaehyun still had a ton of mutual friends, chiefly from high school. You recalled seeing Johnny post one of his gym visits with Jaehyun not too long ago.

And you also vividly remembered the sight of Jaehyun, donning sweats and a blank tank-top. He drove you absolutely feral. His hair was matted to his forehead with sweat and his biceps were flexed, showing off his muscle. You would always be a sucker for a burly man that could snap you in half if he so pleased.

Jaehyun expertly removed your bra and tossed it somewhere to be forgotten. He wanted to see your breasts bounce while he pounded you into oblivion. Your skirt followed, but Jaehyun slid your panties to your ankles at a agonizingly slow pace, all the while smiling like an idiot as you gave a needy and impatient whimper.

“You’re already so wet,” Jaehyun murmured, drawing an invisible pair of lines on your bare cunt with his fingers. “Did you miss me that much?”

You whimpered, “Please, Jay.”

Hearing you call out his name like that was all it took for Jaehyun to lose all sense of self-restraint and he spread your thighs apart with tenderness, burying himself between them. You let out a sharp cry, throwing your head back. Some of your best orgasms were the ones when Jaehyun ate you out until you physically could no longer take it and begged for him to stop.

Jaehyun targeted your clit immediately, a testament to the fact that he knew your body intimately. Your thighs clamped around the sides of his head, unaccustomed to the pressure.

He merely clasped your thighs in his palms and held them freestanding, undeterred as he continued to lap at you like with the hunger only an untamed beast could have.

“Fuck,” was all you could say, curses dangling from your lips. You had been touch-starved for over a year and the familiarity of Jaehyun’s touch was overwhelming in the best way possible.

Despite the fact Jaehyun handled you gently, with love and tenderness and nothing but, he ate you out like an animal.

Jaehyun longed for the taste of you, arousal gathering on his tongue. He loved unraveling you like this. You could never stay still, much less quiet when he was going down on you. The sight of you, head angled back and moaning his name nearly made him cum in his pants.

Your fingers clamped locks of his hair and Jaehyun groaned, somehow spurred on by the gesture. You were making noises left to right, feeling yourself nearing your peak in record time. A year of no sex factoring in a skilled partner would absolutely do that to you.

Your lover learned to recognize you at the threshold of release a very long time ago and briefly parted from your pussy, substituting his mouth with his fingers as he sang, “Just let go for me, baby. It’s okay.”

It was clear that your body had every intention of obeying him. Naturally, it submitted to Jaehyun, with no fear and no reluctance. He knew it and it knew him.

“Oh my God. Jaehyun,” you moaned, thighs twitching. Not wanting to hurt him, you clamped your nails into the counter, eyes closed as the pressure threatened to consume you from head to toe.

Jaehyun talked you through it, whispering, “Do it for me, baby. Just let go.”

Not too much longer, orgasm seized you, rendering you weak and defenseless. You had no strength in your body to fight it even if you wanted to, weakened by his touch. Your toes clenched and you cried his name, fingernails scraping the island roughly enough to damage both your nails and the countertop.

Jaehyun didn’t stop eating you out until you went rigid, chest undulating. You looked a hot mess, heaving for breath and your lips parted, easing the airflow.

“Are you okay?” Jaehyun asked when he moved from between your legs, fighting off a smirk at the sight of you completely disheveled.

“Not until you fuck me,” you rasped, still needy in spite of still trying to catch your breath.

Jaehyun snickered and tugged his pants down, underwear soon giving chase. You positively gawked when you saw his bare, thick dick. It never failed to make your mouth water. And your body tremble with release.

You kept your nails at your sides as Jaehyun lined his cock up at your entrance, gently easing himself past your sheath-like walls. He still clasped his hands at your thighs, brows crumpling with concentration. You were still so goddamn tight, clamping around him with a grip almost vice-like.

“Jay,” you whimpered, hands clenched into fists.

“Shh,” Jaehyun whispered, moving his mouth to the side of your face. There was a catch in your breath when you noticed his lips brushing against your ear, breath tickling your nape. “Open up for me, baby.”

The sensation of being filled completely made you feel nothing short of relief. There was a wet noise when Jaehyun’s hips smacked against your own, the last thrust followed by one even deeper. You tried your best to take all of him, wanting to please him even if it was the last thing you did.

Jaehyun slipped out of his own trance briefly enough to mention, “I didn’t wear a condom.”

“Just pull out,” you said, in no state of mind to give a damn. You liked the feeling of him fucking you nice and raw.

“We’re definitely a pair of idiots.”

You snickered and found his hand, slipping your fingers through his. “You’re my idiot and I’m your idiot. That’s all that matters.”

Jaehyun smiled into the crook of your neck, eventually clamping his teeth there to conceal a moan at your expense.

He lifted his head and drew back to admire the entire view, watching his cock disappear between your legs over and over again borderline obsessively. There was something about you that he would never get tired of. He liked holding you close and loving you hard.

“You’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen,” Jaehyun exhaled, voice full of sincerity. And raw pleasure.

You were burning up, withering heat blindsiding you. Jaehyun was making short work of you. It felt like love-making rather than plain old fucking, all things considered. Jaehyun’s gentle, steady pace as he whispered sweet little nothings in your ear, old school romance songs faded out in the background all the while.

All you could focus on was Jaehyun. He was all you could hear, all you could feel. You were driven by the feeling of your walls garroting his size, the sounds of the little groans he couldn’t smother into your skin and his affectionate words urging you closer to climax.

“Don’t hold back, baby,” you sighed, tightening your hold around his hand. It was a tiny, sweet gesture. “Please? I wanna hear you.”

Jaehyun obeyed you because there wasn’t a damn thing on this earth he wouldn’t do for you. You owned him and you knew it.

Jaehyun swore when you clamped around his dick even harder. He watched your breasts bounce, your whole body unstill. Even your hands were scrambling, releasing him and now finding purchase in his back. “I love you,” he sighed, kneading your breasts.

“I love you, too,” you moaned, feeling light as ever. He always took you to another dimension whenever you were together, but especially when he was fucking you within an inch of your life.

I love you, too. Jaehyun was beaming. That was the first time he’d heard you say it in over a year and you had no idea how badly he needed to hear it again now.

Jaehyun marked up your neck, leaving a trail of himself like souvenirs for you to remember in his absence. Your pulse thumped rapidly, your heart on the verge of tearing out of your chest, landing into his palms where it belonged. Now, your heartache was - at long last - soothed.

There were no words to aptly describe your affection towards Jaehyun. Your love for him ran to an inexplicably deep extent with seemingly no end. It was all you could think about while he fucked you, how badly you needed him in your life. How the sensations he made you feel were irreplicable and you were content enough to simply be in his arms.

Your lover never lasted very long when fucking you bare and raw and sensing himself approaching climax, Jaehyun brought his fingers to your clit, already swollen from release. A gasp tore from your throat when he fondled with the sensitive bundle of nerves, trying to facilitate an orgasm out of you.

“Jaehyun,” you whined. You reached for his hand, sensitive.

Jaehyun grabbed your hand with his spare one and slipped his fingers through again for you to squeeze. “It’s okay, my love. I want you to cum,” he said gently, biting your sweet spot.

He was making short work of you. Your climax threatened to ensnare you with a force powerful enough to snap you in half. You needed it. More than anything, you needed it.

You hauled your nails over his back, drawing long, red lines across the naked flesh. Jaehyun hissed darkly, pace quickening and coming even harder. You were driving him mad and vice versa. Your body had never been more confused than it was in that moment, barely willing itself to not writhe away but simultaneously matching his thrusts, wanting to build the pleasure yet somehow escape it all at once.

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” you warned in an impassioned chant, choking on your lack of breath. “I’m…”

Your body quivered, release stealing the rest of your words before you could speak them. You found Jaehyun’s hand again, squeezing it for dear life. The orgasm was so heavy you almost collapsed in on yourself and Jaehyun. You were seeing white, burning red, emitting Jaehyun’s name in a sharp cry.

Jaehyun felt you clenching around his cock with climax and immediately withdrew, knowing he would bust a nut inside you if he stayed a second longer. “Open your mouth,” Jaehyun told you, voice husky, thick with lust.

It was almost enough to break you all over again.

You did as instructed, no hesitation required. Jaehyun fitted his cock inside your mouth, moaning at how warm it was. You took him in, wanting to get him off and taste him dripping down your throat.

When he saw you, cheeks hollowed with his rigid cock in your mouth, Jaehyun nearly came then and there. He fucked your mouth, guttural little praises dangling from his lips.

Your thighs clenched tightly, hot sparks still aflame between. He got you riled up effortlessly, hardly ever needing to try. There was something about him that you were naturally attracted to, an unshakable kind of attraction. You couldn’t fathom why you couldn’t escape him, why your body and heart was seized by your lover.

“So good,” Jaehyun grunted, pace accelerating.

Jaehyun fucked your throat until he came, emptying his balls into your mouth at long last. Eagerly, you swallowed as much as you could, an amalgamation of his release and your saliva dribbling down your chin and onto your naked, heaving breasts.

And the sight positively wrecked him.

“Fuck,” you rasped, still registering what the hell had happened.

Jaehyun’s eyes flashed with alarm. “Did I hurt you?”

“No, it’s just that that’s the best sex I’ve had in a while.”

Jaehyun rolled his eyes and quipped, “That’s the only sex you’ve had in a while.”

“Still the best.”

Jaehyun laughed, eyes crinkling. “Round two?”

“God, yes,” you groaned, still feeling unalloyed pleasure burning between your thighs.

Jaehyun scooped your bare body into his arms again and carried you into his room, pressing the gentlest of kisses to your lips and neck all the while.

You smiled to yourself in the morning when you roused, feeling Jaehyun’s arms still wrapped loosely around your waist.

Everything had shifted then. Though you initially had plans of spending the holidays buried in work, you came to find that Jaehyun’s warm embrace was the greatest gift you could have asked for on Christmas day. There was none of the loneliness and dwelling you dreaded, only making brand new memories with the man you loved with your entire heart, mind and soul.

On Christmas day, you visited his mother’s house where his family had gathered, recognized familiar faces that were surprisingly all too glad to see you again.

When Jaehyun’s mother opened the front door, you greeted bashfully, “Hi, Mrs. Jung.”

“I knew we would meet again,” Mrs. Jung said softly, simpering in a self-satisfied manner. “Come in, dear. You’re always welcome in our home.”

You stepped inside the house, Jaehyun following suit once exchanging a silent, understanding glance with his mother. As always, she was right.

As you glanced around, nostalgia hit you tenfold. Everywhere you looked, there were memories of you and Jaehyun. You could see you both running up the stairs excitedly and Mrs. Jung scolding you about horse-playing indoors. When your eyes fell to the kitchen, you saw yourself joining the Jung’s for dinner, sitting directly beside your lover.

Jaehyun leaned into your ear, given that seasonal music was blaring, and said, “I’m going to have a talk with my brother for a second. Be on your best behavior and don’t try to escape out a window. Old habits die hard.”

You rolled your eyes and playfully shoved him. “Go. I’ll be right here,” you said, heart wrenching softly.

Jaehyun snickered and slithered away.

In his place came someone you were very familiar with.

“Nostalgia?”

You whirled around, instantly recognizing the voice as Taeyong’s, one of Jaehyun’s many, many cousins.

“I made a lot of memories here. I’ll never forget any of it,” you replied honestly. “Long time, no see.”

Taeyong bobbed his head in agreement. “Definitely. I was scared that I’d never see you again.”

“Why is that?” Your curiosity was piqued. You never imagined Jaehyun’s family would anticipate meeting you once more. It was the stark opposite of your expectations.

Taeyong leaned closer like he was telling you someone’s deepest, darkest secret, and whispered, “Between you and I, Jaehyun hasn’t been the same since the breakup. Not a happy camper. You were a part of his life for so long that we were all convinced he would never adjust to living one without you again.”

Visioning a morose, heartbroken Jaehyun made you frown. “I did that.”

“You absolutely did. You broke the poor guy’s heart and made him unbearable. He didn’t deserve that. And I didn’t deserve to have to put up with his insufferable ass,” Taeyong scoffed offhandedly, though you knew his words were lighthearted. “But you fixed it.”

“I guess I did that, too,” you exhaled contentedly, turning your head to spot Jaehyun chatting with his brother. That made you beam. Everything had fallen apart, shattered into pieces, but you were both willing to do the work and put them together.

“He’s himself again,” Taeyong said, following your gaze. “Thank you for giving me my favorite cousin back.”

“I should have never taken him away in the first place.”

Taeyong gave you a playful, half-assed attempt at consoling, “Good people do bad things. We all fuck up. Just maybe not as badly as you.”

You nudged his side.

He continued, turning somewhat sober, “He forgives you. But this won’t work out until you also forgive yourself.”

“You’re so young, but so wise,” you whispered, slightly touched.

Taeyong snickered. “It runs in the family,” he said, patting your back before turning away.

You merely stood there, rooted in place. Taeyong had given you something to muse on you. You realized a part of you was still clinging onto guilt, unable to rationalize your own decisions. You were so convinced that you were undeserving of Jaehyun’s love and courtesy that you had forgotten how to move on from your errors.

It would be a process. But a step a day was better than none at all.

You beamed when you noticed Jaehyun approaching you and he returned it, outstretching his hand and asking, “May I steal a dance?”

“Of course,” you said, taking his hand in yours.

Jaehyun brought you from the foyer to the living room where mainly everybody had gathered to dance, spinning you in his arms as holiday music filled the air.

You swept some free strands of hair from his handsome face, admiring the view only a little higher up than you. Even in a room filled to the hilt with people, Jaehyun and Jaehyun alone was all you could see. Everyone else faded. It was only you and your lover, swaying to the rhythm of a seasonal song.

“This feels like senior prom, but Christmas edition,” Jaehyun quipped.

You snickered delightfully. “I remember when we were announced prom king and queen. I like how nobody was surprised.”

You remembered it like it was yesterday. Jaehyun joined you for the first dance, gently whirling you around in front of several prying eyes, but you didn’t care. To you, the room was as good as empty. They were faceless, nameless people with no contribution or value, no relation to you and your blossoming romance with Jaehyun.

It was an experience you never knew you needed back then. Maybe in that moment, you knew it was fate. That one way or another, Jaehyun was inevitably the one you would grow old and gray-haired with.

Even now, as you stared into his pretty brown eyes, you knew that this was the man you wanted a future with.

Jaehyun glanced up and said, “Look.”

You did as told, smiling fondly as you noticed the mistletoe hanging above your heads. A part of you wondered if it was a coincidence or if he chose this spot deliberately. “I remember kissing you in front of everyone,” Jaehyun added, full of mischief.

You played along and hummed, “I’m not sure if I recall. Care to remind me?”

Jaehyun didn’t waste a second to lock lips with you, tasting hot cocoa on your tongue. You could taste gingerbread on his and the thought made you giggle into his mouth. There was something about it - something about Jaehyun - that made every tiny thing mean a billion times more.

All of the whimsical little things made your heart swell with happiness.

“Yo, chill, you horn dogs. There’s children,” scolded Jaehyun’s other cousin Mark, covering his little cousin’s eyes. His family gave you a headache. Every time you learned them all, it was as if another cousin popped out of thin air.

You and Jaehyun pulled away, snickering. You leaned on your toes, giving his lips one final peck before deciding you’d had your fill.

Days of being Jaehyun’s again turned into some of the happiest months of your life. You were letting go of some of your old habits and setting some past trauma free. There were a handful of grim times, but you both made the effort to repair things before they spiraled out of control.

Excuses had run their course. Jaehyun would ask you on dates and you’d agree more, overworking yourself less. Until now, you never realized that putting some distance between yourself and the stresses of work was what it took to be happier. You had made the earth-shattering mistake of convincing yourself that hard work equated happiness.

The two of you agreed to take things slow, afraid rushing would land you in an achingly familiar predicament, but you couldn’t deny that things had been speeding up. And Jaehyun already knew that it would forever be you.

It was another long, brutal day of work and nothing was out of the ordinary. You were running across the office, balancing direct orders on top of your daily tasks. You needed six skins to have a job like this. Three to balance the roles of multiple people and another three to endure the wear and tear.

Ten, your favorite co-worker, tracked you down and stopped you dead in your tracks to say, “Hey, slow down a second. Someone’s here to see you.”

You did the opposite of slowing down, still walking and as he followed you, said, “Tell them I’m taking a sick day, would you? Thanks, Tennie.”

“I don’t think so,” Ten said, donning an amused look. Which successfully made you pause in confusion. Usually, Ten never hesitated to cover for you. “You’re going to want to hear what this guy has to say. I swear.”

Very reluctantly, you agreed to follow Ten, curiosity piqued as you wondered who in the hell would dare interrupt you in the middle of a swift-paced work day.

Jung Jaehyun. That was who.

You made a face of confusion when you saw him there, smiling at you like an idiot. Confused, you asked, “Jay, you couldn’t text or call?”

“What I’m about to do is a bit difficult to do over the phone,” Jaehyun retorted, admiring your state of obliviousness.

You huffed, “What are you…”

You cut yourself off when you noticed one of the staff hand Jaehyun a tiny box and he proceeded to crouch on one knee. The realization made your heart thud, pulse quickening.

Jaehyun started, “Baby, I’ve been racking my brain trying to think of how to say this. I had to have tried to practice this a million times before I decided to talk to you from my heart.”

Your co-workers all gathered around, and you noticed even your boss observing from the corner of your eyes, but your gaze was locked on Jaehyun and no one but.

Your lover fought his nerves and added, “We met when we were in high school. I remember it like it was yesterday. We were so young, dumb, and drunk off learning what true love was for the first time. We couldn’t resist each other.”

The memories made your heart melt, taut with ecstasy.

“Then, we got older. And things got more complicated, but in spite of that, we never stopped loving each other. Not for a second,” Jaehyun declared, impassioned. “I’ve been in love with you for so long that I can’t imagine my life any other way. No matter what has changed between us.”

Jaehyun was staring you dead in the eyes, watching your face melt with awe. It gave him all the courage he needed.

“You made it so easy to fall in love with you but so hard to fall back out. And I don’t want to. I adore you, my love. Thoughts of you keep me up and night, restless. You make me crazy.”

Your eyes burned, fighting an oncoming threat of tears with every passing word. Jaehyun had swept you off your feet, making you feel emotions you never knew existed.

“I know we’ve been through thick and thin, baby. But we were there for each other. And even when we separated, we found our way right back into each other’s arms,” your lover added.

You wanted to pinch yourself, determine if you were dreaming. Even though Jaehyun had proposed once to you before, you would never get used to the wave of emotion that plagued you, rendering you soft and full of glee.

“I didn’t know what love was until I fell for you. You’re my first love and all these years by your side have only solidified my courage that I want you to be my last. You are the only woman on this earth I can imagine a future with and if it’s not you, then I know there’s nobody else out there for me.”

Ten was smartly grabbing a box of tissues for safe measure.

Jaehyun’s voice got softer, “Let’s try again, my love. Let’s do this one more time - one last time. Will you marry me?”

Now, you had the spotlight. Ten was none too subtly mouthing, “Say ‘yes.’” Everybody was anticipating your reaction and you wondered exactly how long in advance everyone had been in on this little surprise except for you.

There was no hesitation and you practically screamed as you chanted, “Yes!”

Jaehyun, much like the last time he proposed to you, swept you into his arms and kissed you to death, effectively silencing you. The room erupted in cheer. Everybody was glad to get a break from their tedious jobs and witness a moment as beautiful as this one.

The champagne was already popping. Your fiancé whirled you in your arms and you told him affectionately, “I love you.”

“Say it again,” Jaehyun said, incapable of getting enough.

“I love you. I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you so much that I don’t know what to do with myself.”

“Let me love you,” your fiancé said, staring at you like you were the most beautiful thing he had ever seen. And you were. “That’s all you have to do.”

You smiled, pretending to mull it over. “I think I can let that happen.”

Jaehyun was over the moon. There were no words to describe how ecstatic he was. He missed this feeling and he was more than glad that it had returned. “Merry Christmas,” he said playfully.

“Jaehyun, it is literally the end of July. This reminds me of when you wished me Happy Valentines Day after fucking my brains out on your birthday,” you replied, rolling your eyes.

“Still,” your fiancé said, pressing a kiss to the corner of your lips and cheesing at the memory of fucking you raw again. “Marrying you is the best gift I could ever ask for.”

You smiled in agreement. And fought a smirk as you remembered you had your own little surprise for your betrothed, waiting for you at home on the bathroom counter.

Jesus Christ, you were going to need a bigger place to stay.

THE PICK ME CHRONICLES — M.L

when a night of drinking and games leads to a heated discussion on which boy fucks best, you decide to figure it out for yourself.

GENRE | college au, smut, fluff, humour

A.N | welcome to yet another series, albeit a short one. the entire thing is based off of this lovely ask, so thank you anon! also @saintlyhyuck bullied me into doing this

TAGLIST | comment on this post to be added!

PAIRING | jeno, jaemin, haechan x reader

SYNOPSIS | the introduction for the series, set during the night the discussion started.

CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

PAIRING | gamer!hyuck x reader

SYNOPSIS |  lee donghyuck had the largest ego you'd ever seen for someone who stayed cramped in their dorm room all night playing video games; but after staying in with him, you find yourself realizing that ego just might be deserved.

TO BE RATED

PAIRING | tutor!jaemin x reader

SYNOPSIS | na jaemin is too sexy to be holed up in the campus library, but once you catch wind of what he does between the shelves, you know it's your time to see just how well his reputation proceeds him.

TO BE RATED

PAIRING | hockey player!jeno x reader

SYNOPSIS | games were the only time you've seen lee jeno come out of his shell, but when you stumble across his camera roll you realize you're sadly mistaken, and the boy you thought was shy and bashful turns out to be the complete opposite in the sheets.

TO BE RATED

SEVENTEEN (PERFORMANCE UNIT) / making out

warning: some implied mature content

other versions: hip hop unit / vocal unit

requested by anonymous.

↣ jun

The very moment he saw your flustered expression after that first “can I kiss you?” was the moment he knew that, even three years into your relationship, he would still be asking for your permission before kissing you, just so he could see this same look on your face again.

You’d think you would get used to this after so long, but the way he looked every time he asked – his eyes widened and burning, his lips slightly parted, his cheeks flushed, his focus solely on you – made it difficult to take it for granted.

Keep reading

H.HJ. — DESCENT TO HELL.

pairing. hwang hyunjin x gn reader, former bang chan x gn reader

genre. fallen angel au, angst, fluff, strangers to lovers au

warnings. blood, injuries, cheating, food, slight themes of jealousy, mild swearing

summary. someone like minho would have told you to keep your distance from hyunjin; that he is something inhumane— dangerous and flammable. but you are already waist-deep in those dark pools of liquid glass that he has for eyes.

length. oneshot

word count. 13.7k+

When you find him, he is sprawled across the sand, unconscious. There is salt crusted over his bare collarbones and a thin stream of blood trickling down the pale column of his throat.

Even so, his beauty takes your breath away.

It takes you the rest of the morning to drag him to the lighthouse. The rest of the evening to coax his body onto the lumpy pull-out couch bed in the living room and dress the two gaping wounds slit along the length of his back.

His wounds heal as you work over them, the skin stitching back together in front of your very eyes, bloody tissue fading into smooth muscle.

You let out a small exhale of awe, wondering what this creature is, if not human. And yet, even then, despite his apparent supernatural properties, something about him leaves you unwilling to push him away.

Instead, you tend to his cuts and bruises— although there isn't much need to, seeing that his body is already healing on its own. You rinse the dried salt out of his black locks of hair and pull a thick blanket over him in attempt to warm him up.

It is already late at night by the time you've finished with him. You leave him on the couch and stumble into your own bedroom to collapse onto your bed, exhausted.

The stranger is already up by the time you've rolled out of bed the next morning, preparing to make breakfast. You jump at the sight of him sitting on your coach, blanket spread over his lap, but quickly recover to give him a small nod in greeting.

He stares at you, eyes hostile and untamed. "Who are you?"

His voice is hoarse and slightly scratchy with disuse.

You feel a small smile tugging at your lips. How ironic.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that question?" you ask.

He hesitates for a moment, unsure of what to say. You take a step forward, assessing him carefully. He is even more handsome when he's awake.

"What's your name?"

The stranger balks, swallowing hard, as if trying to remember. Finally, after a long pause—

"Hyunjin," he says. "It's Hyunjin."

"Hyunjin," you repeat, rolling the word off the tip of your tongue. You smile. It suits him.

"Where are you from?"

Hyunjin pauses again, biting his lip, before shaking his head. "I don't remember."

You frown. "Don't you remember what happened to you?"

He shakes his head again in denial.

"You don't remember anything?" you press, "nothing at all?"

His eyes turn defensive, narrowing to gaze at you defiantly. "Nothing at all."

You frown but don't push him— something about him suggests that it would be dangerous to pry. Instead, you come forward to lay a bundle of clothes by his side. When you had found him, his only attire had been a threadbare pair of skinny jeans.

"Put them on," you say, "I can't have you walking around the house half-naked."

Hyunjin takes the clothes in his hands, examining them with interest. You turn and stride out of the living room to give him some privacy. "Come to the dining room when you're dressed to have some breakfast."

On your way to the kitchen, your phone vibrates from the pocket of your hoodie.

[7:39 am] minho: having fun at the lighthouse ? or have you already started regretting not taking me up on my offer to visit itaewon ?

Grinning, you quickly type out a response.

[7:40 am] i'm having a GREAT time thank u very much

Most people would describe your residence as unique. After all, a lighthouse is not a typical type of home. But if you're being completely honest, having such a tiny home can be restrictive at times. Everything comes in a miniature size. Small kitchen, compact bedroom, miniscule living room. When your parents had asked that you spend your summer vacation at the lighthouse, you had begged to not go, protesting that there were better ways to spend the two luxurious months you got off from college. But they had insisted, saying that visiting the lighthouse was a family tradition, passed on for countless generations.

So you were stuck here. Contrary to common belief, it wasn't an entirely lonesome affair to live in a lighthouse. There was a ferry that traveled between the island and the mainland, which you regularly boarded whenever you craved social interaction and you occasionally hosted tours of the lighthouse as well for curious outsiders. Admittedly, the lighthouse wasn't necessarily a bad vacation destination, it was simply just not your first choice.

You trudge into the kitchen to make some avocado toast, sticking four slices of whole wheat bread into the toaster and spreading mashed avocado over the golden-brown slices of toast. Stacking up the bread onto a tray, you carry it out into the kitchen. Hyunjin is still sitting on the couch, dressed in a pair of gray sweatpants and an white oversized t-shirt. Your breath catches at the sight of him.

In those sweatpants, he resembles Chan a little too much.

The moment you think of Chan, you instantly regret it. Shaking your head, you forcibly push any Chan-related memories to the back of your mind and set down the tray onto the dining room table with a loud clatter, pulling out two chairs for you and Hyunjin.

He approaches the table cautiously, sitting down hesitantly in the chair. You push a plate of toast closer to him and gesture towards the food. "Go ahead."

You dig into your own toast, giving an approving nod at the familiar taste, and watch as Hyunjin carefully picks up the toast and takes a bite. He chews slowly, eyes thoughtful.

You grin. "What, you've never had avocado toast before?"

Hyunjin shakes his head. You raise your eyebrows in dismay— avocado toast is one of the three main staples of your diet along with rice and ramen, and you quite literally cannot imagine life without it. Hyunjin finishes his toast in silence, his bangs falling into his eyes. You are tempted to offer him a hairband, just to have the visual of Hyunjin with his hair tied back in a purple scrunchie, but decide that the action would be too forward.

Instead, you gather up the dirty dishes and dump them into the sink. Hyunjin watches you from the kitchen table, eyes following you wordlessly. He really is too handsome to be true— perfectly-shaped eyebrows and full lips, striking eyes that hold the weight of worlds.

You quickly sponge off the dishes and come back to stand in front of Hyunjin almost hesitantly. He stares at you, dark eyes boring into yours.

"Is it okay if I check on your cuts?"

"What?"

"The cuts on your back," you say, "I want to check if they're doing okay."

Hyunjin's eyes darken with recognition and you pause, intimidated by his gaze. "It's fine if you're uncomfortable I can just—"

But Hyunjin is already turning around, allowing you to lift up his shirt to check up on his wounds. You hesitantly lift up the hem of his t-shirt, eyes sliding over the muscled expanse of his back to where the two long wounds are located.

The sight that greets you makes you gasp. The cuts have closed, but are colored an angry red, the skin tight and swollen.

You run a light fingertip down one wound and Hyunjin lets out a hiss of pain. Mumbling an apology, you quickly pull down his t-shirt again and trod into the bathroom to gather ointment from your first aid bag.

Rummaging through the kit, you grab some antibiotic cream and carefully uncap the lid of the bottle, preparing to rub it over Hyunjin's wounds. He watches you quietly, eyes wary, but allows you to lift up the hem of his t-shirt again to apply the cream.

"It's infected," you explain, in case he wants an explanation. Hyunjin nods and allows you to adjust his position for better access.

When you finish spreading a thin layer of cream over his wounds, you wrap his torso with a thick layer of bandages to close off the wound completely and stand up again, letting the t-shirt fall back down. "Hopefully it'll do better after this."

Hyunjin doesn't say anything. For a moment, you hover over him, hesitant, before opting to set to work doing your usual duties. To be honest, you aren't really sure what to do with him. He is so beautiful and strange that it unnerves you more than you'd like to admit. So you leave him to his own devices and make your way to the top of the lighthouse, where you tend to the light beacon.

Technically, it's unnecessary due to modern technology, but you still keep the light on just for the sake of old traditions. Glancing outside, you take a weather reading and record it into the log book — it is damp and humid today, the sky filled with dark menacing clouds.

"What are you doing?"

Hyunjin's voice startles you out of your thoughts. You give a small start and turn around to see him leaning against the door frame of the room, curiosity lighting on his features.

"You shouldn't sneak up on me like that," you breath, "you scared the living shit out of me. And to answer your question, I'm recording the weather in the log book."

Hyunjin frowns, obviously perplexed but doesn't say anything else. You clear your throat. "Do you want anything? Why'd you come and see me?"

"I didn't have anything to do," Hyunjin shrugs. "Can I help? I'd like to repay you for your kindness."

"How thoughtful of you," you smile. "You can help me sweep out the walkway... I rarely have visitors but my parents still insist that I keep the walkway clean."

Hyunjin nods and you lead him outside to the pathway, handing him a broom. "Just sweep the pathway to clear it of any dust. I'll work on weeding it."

Although he is strange and intimidating, Hyunjin proves to be a good worker. He clears out the walkway with a clean efficiency— you watch him out of your peripheral vision while simultaneously weeding the pathway of any stray clumps of grass, marveling over his ethereal looks. In fact, you grow so overly distracted in your attempt to keep an eye on him that you almost end up pulling up a bunch of flowers. Thankfully, you snap awake just before you're about to uproot one of your mother's prize tulip beds.

By the time you've finished weeding, Hyunjin has swept the entire walkway as well as cleared the pathway of any stray pebbles. You stand up to see Hyunjin watching you with expectant eyes. "Is there anything else I can do?"

You shake your head.

"That's it," you say, "unless.."

Hyunjin gazes at you questioningly.

"Have you ever gone fishing before?"

You grin when Hyunjin slowly shakes his head in denial, gesturing for him to follow you as you trot down to the shore of the beach and come to sit down by the rocks. The sun has already begun to set by the time you arrive at the shore, painting the horizon a vivid ochre.

You hand Hyunjin a fishing rod and instruct him on how to fish properly, watching him carefully as he deftly tosses the fishing line into the sea. He moves so adeptly that it’s hard to believe that he’s never done this before.

For a long period of time, the two of you sit by the shore, waiting.

Hyunjin sits next to you with his eyes fixated to the fishing rod clutched in his hands. You hum, leaning back onto your forearms, admiring the ivory reflection of the moon on the sea. Hyunjin glances sideways at you for a moment before turning back to stare at his fishing rod.

"I remember something."

You sit up, suddenly intrigued, and turn to stare at him. "You do?”

Hyunjin nods. "Not much. Just feathers and pain. So much pain.”

He speaks in an oddly detached way, eyes blank as he gazes into the dark seawater. You wonder what kind of past he must have had, for him to speak of his memories in such an indifferent fashion.

"That's it? I was expecting something more dramatic."

Hyunjin shrugs and adjusts his position, leaning back a bit to press his back against the rock, turning his attention back to his fishing rod.

You've been sitting on the rocks with him for one or two hours by now, watching the tide roll in. You had suggested returning to the lighthouse after the sunset, but Hyunjin had insisted on staying until he caught a fish. He looks so earnest as he gazes into the sea that you feel inclined to lower his hopes a bit.

"Sometimes I don't catch any fish at all, you know," you say, "so don't be upset if you—"

Your words are interrupted by a sudden jerk on Hyunjin's line. His eyes glint with excitement as he reels in the rod, lips tugging into a slight smile. Elation looks good on him, you decide. His eyes are dark and alive, almost glowing in the gentle moonlight.

He continues to roll in the line until a skipjack tuna flops onto the shore. You both stare at the fish for a moment until Hyunjin turns to you, grinning. "You were saying?"

You roll your eyes but laugh anyway— it's good to know that he at least has a sense of humor. Hopping off the rocks, you step forward to carefully pick up the tuna, examining it carefully.

The tuna’s scales glint a dark blue in the moonlight, sleek and healthy. Running a hand along the length of the fish, you smile complacently. It’s been quite a while since you’ve last caught a fish as nice as this one.

You end up frying the tuna in soy sauce, topping it off with chopped scallions. Hyunjin watches you like he always does, curled up in the corner of the couch. You serve the fish with rice and kimchi, setting the table for two and gesturing for Hyunjin to come over.

He proves to have a good appetite, devouring the food hungrily. You devote half your time to actually eating, and the other half to admiring Hyunjin. He somehow manages to look attractive even while eating, and you're beginning to think it a little unfair.

The next day, you take Hyunjin out to the beach to dig for mussels. He trots beside you, barefoot in a pair of jeans and a loose fitting white dress shirt. Normally, you hate going mussel hunting, but Hyunjin seemed to want to see more of the island and you thought it would be a good opportunity for him to do so.

Humming, you skip along the length of the beach. It is sunny today— the sky is clear and cloudless, a crystalline blue. You laugh as you run back to walk alongside Hyunjin.

"You kind of look like Howl in that outfit, you know?"

Hyunjin's eyebrows furrow as he peers at you, uncomprehending. "Who?"

You stare at him, eyes widening. "You mean, you've never watched Howl's Moving Castle before?"

Hyunjin shakes his head. You let out a small gasp of despair. "Princess Mononoke?"

He shakes his head again.

"Spirited Away? Ponyo? My Neighbor Totoro?"

Hyunjin's face remains blank and impassive. You shake your head in disbelief. "God, you really are sheltered. I thought everyone knew about Studio Ghibli films."

The atmosphere grows quiet again as you approach the rocks. You demonstrate to Hyunjin the correct way to forage mussels, twisting and pulling them off from the rocks and dropping them into buckets full of cold seawater. Hyunjin proves yet again to be remarkably adept, gathering mussels at a rapid pace. You end up filling the buckets in two hours, and spend the rest of the morning wading through the shallow waters of the tidepools with Hyunjin, gathering exotic looking shells.

You find a pale pink conch shell resting just under the crevice of a barnacle-infested rock and let out a short laugh of surprise. It is tinged gold on the edges, smooth and creamy on the inside. It isn’t everyday that you find a shell so intact and flawless.

"Here," you say, holding out the conch shell to Hyunjin. He stares at you blankly.

"If you hold it to your ear, you can hear the sea."

He takes the conch shell from your hand, slim fingers grazing against yours, and slowly reaches up to hold the shell to his ear. You grin as his eyes light with recognition. "Pretty cool, right?"

Hyunjin's lips twist into a full-fledged grin. His entire face shifts when he smiles — eyes crinkling at the corners warmly. He looks a little less distant as he smiles, a little less alien.

You turn to go back home at around noon, walking at a considerably slower place. The mussel buckets are heavy, laden with dark gleaming mussels. You boil them in vegetable broth and season them with garlic and ginger.

Hyunjin sits next to you by the dining table and the two of you eat until you feel like bursting. Hyunjin is still cautious around you, but a little less so— his eyes are a bit warmer, less reserved. You watch as he deftly cracks open the mussels to reach the pale yellow meat inside, and realize that it is the longest time you've ever gone without thinking about Chan since The Incident.

You still do not know what to think about Hyunjin, but you suppose that he must be good for you as long as his presence allows you to forget about Chan.

You tend to Hyunjin's wounds after lunch, carefully unraveling the bandages wrapped around his torso and examining the cuts. They are still infected, but considerably less so. You apply more antibiotic cream and wrap up the wounds again.

Hyunjin spends the rest of the afternoon dozing on the couch as you study in your bedroom. You can tell that he's exhausted, even if he's trying his best to conceal it and he looks enormously relieved when you suggest for him to take a nap. By the time he wakes up again, the moon has already risen and hangs low in the inky sky.

You make ramen for dinner and end up forcing Hyunjin to watch Howl's Moving Castle with you. He looks mildly confused as his eyes flit over the screen, quietly observing Turnip-head leading Sophie to the castle and Calcifer complaining as he cooks eggs and bacon. You point out the shocking resemblance between Hyunjin and Howl during one scene, and Hyunjin shakes his head, denying it.

But he wears a small smile throughout the rest of the movie, so you count it as a win.

Hyunjin melds himself into your life until you feel as if he must have always been here with you. He grows stronger as he stays with you, the wounds in his back closing up nicely. But they don't go away, and he says that it still hurts like hell to touch them. Even so, he is healing.

You wonder if he will leave once he is strong enough to.

The memories come back to Hyunjin in fragments, too.

One night, he tells you that he remembers a girl. He doesn't specify any further, but there is a weight in his eyes as he speaks of her.

"A lover?" you ask, peering at him.

Hyunjin shakes his head. "I don't remember."

Another day, as the two of you are sitting by the rocky shore, watching the sunset, Hyunjin tells you that he remembers a large city. A tiny apartment. Cartons of Gamja hotdogs drizzled with ketchup.

Hyunjin's story is absurd when you think of it. Washed ashore onto your island, with no remembrance of his past, and little knowledge about the outside world. Someone whose flesh stitches itself together even as he rips it open.

(You remember Hyunjin accidentally cutting his index finger as he was chopping up tomatoes one afternoon. He had let out an exclamation of pain, dropping the knife. By the time you had rushed over with a bandaid, his skin was already closing on its own, the deep cut fading into smooth skin.)

Someone like Minho would have warned you over the insanity of the entire situation, telling you to tread carefully with Hyunjin, to keep your distance. But something about Hyunjin is so addictive that you find yourself naturally gravitating towards him, even as you attempt to hold him at an arm's length.

His dark eyes, those silky black strands of hair. Those mornings when he stumbles into the kitchen, a vision of eyes swollen with sleep and crimson lips, oversized t-shirt slipping off one shoulder.

You want him. You have long since ceased to deny this fact, because that's what it is. A fact. A statement.

One morning, you wake up to Hyunjin's panicked yelping. You stumble into the living room, still half asleep, to see him pressed into the very corner of the pull-out couch, arms pulled around himself protectively. A large orange tabby cat sits by the foot of the couch, observing him serenely.

"Hyunjin," you gasp, "what's wrong?"

Hyunjin gestures vaguely towards the cat, aghast. "What's that?"

You suppress a peal of laughter. "You mean Kkochi? She's a cat."

Hyunjin stares at you. "You mean it has a name?"

"Sure she does," you say, "she's my pet. She's usually outdoors but she comes into the lighthouse occasionally when she wants company."

You come forward to rub Kkochi's chin as she purrs, closing her eyes in bliss. Hyunjin stares at you in amazement. "You can touch it?"

"Yep," you grin, "she loves it."

Hyunjin slowly inches forward to pat Kkochi's soft fur, running his fingers over her head. His eyes are wide with awe. You think it's adorable. Kkochi purrs and nudges her head further into Hyunjin's hand, eyes closed half shut.

"Oh, she must like you a lot," you say. "She doesn't usually warm up to strangers so quickly."

Hyunjin smiles a little, scratching over her head. "She's very soft."

That’s how you bond with Hyunjin. Through half-domesticated cats and Studio Ghibli films. By the end of his first three days at the lighthouse, you've already watched four other Ghibli films already, including Princess Mononoke and Spirited Away.

Hyunjin learns of cream puffs and bubble baths and Spotify during his stay at the lighthouse. He picks up a hobby of drawing, filling a notebook you bought him with flawless sketches. You watch as he blooms under your very eyes, and wonder if you are holding him back by keeping here in this lighthouse. Even so, you feel reluctant to let him go.

After all, he is the only good thing that has ever happened to you since The Incident.

Twelve days after Hyunjin arrives at the lighthouse, you open up the fridge and find it devoid of any avocados.

Normally, you only have to visit the mainland every other week or so for groceries, but with Hyunjin here with you, the food has disappeared much faster. You sigh and grab your bag, slipping on your sneakers and donning a hoodie. Hyunjin appears before you, gazing at you curiously. "Where are you going?"

"Town," you say, "I have to pick up some groceries there."

Hyunjin nods, opens his mouth to say something before closing it again. You watch him carefully. "Want to come with me?"

He gives a small nod in affirmation. You hesitate, doubtful, but consent anyway. After all, it’s beneficial for Hyunjin to have more exposure to the outside world. So you take him along with you on the ferry, keeping him close to you.

The ferryman gives Hyunjin one or two dubious glances, but he doesn't comment on it. By the time you reach the mainland, it is already noon. Hyunjin keeps beside you, gazing around him with mild interest.

You turn to glance at him. "What do you think?"

"There's a lot more people than I expected," he says, "but it's nice. I like it."

It's hardly been a minute since Hyunjin stepped off the ferry, and already he's attracting stares. A pair of girls gaze at him from their table at the local café, eyes sliding over his bold eyes and sculpted cheekbones. If Hyunjin notices their gazes, he doesn't show it.

"Want to stop by the local restaurant for lunch? It's already noon."

Hyunjin’s stomach growls in response.

Laughing, you lead him over to a small restaurant and order two servings of bibimbap. He sits on a chair adjacent to you, curious eyes wandering through the restaurant with interest. The restaurant has gone silent since he walked in, the customers abruptly pausing their conversations to stare at this beautiful stranger in awe. A man sitting next to your table almost makes a move to talk to Hyunjin but decides against it.

You cover your mouth with the sleeve of your hoodie to conceal your smile. They really are too fucking obvious.

Hyunjin frowns at you. "What?"

"It's nothing," you say, still grinning.

A waitress comes and sets two bowls of bibimbap in front of you. Hyunjin thanks her for the food, a shy smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

Blushing furiously, the waitress quickly departs, pressing her hands to her cheeks to cool them down. You stifle yet another smile and dig into your food, gesturing for Hyunjin to do the same.

He takes a bite and gives a small groan of delight.

"What do you think?" you ask, "it's good, right?"

Hyunjin nods, chewing. “It’s good. I like your avocado toast more, though."

You take a moment to absorb the impact of his words, heart skipping a beat in your chest as you gaze at him from across the table, cheeks burning. There is a brief moment where you stare awkwardly at each other, unsure of what to say, before you quickly laugh it off and push his bowl of bibimbap closer to him. "Just eat."

After lunch, you take Hyunjin to the local café and introduce him to iced americanos, which he adores immediately. You grin as he lets the aromatic flavor of caffeine sit on his tongue, nodding approvingly at the taste.

"Why didn't you introduce me to this drink earlier?" Hyunjin asks, examining his plastic cup of americano. "It tastes wonderful."

You smile. "It does?"

He nods. "It also tastes.." he trails off, searching for the appropriate word, "familiar. It tastes familiar."

"Like you've had it before?"

Hyunjin nods again. You consider this piece of information before sighing— it's been twelve days and you still feel no closer to figuring out what exactly happened to Hyunjin before he washed ashore onto your island. What little Hyunjin remembers is so arbitrary and insignificant that it's practically impossible to piece his memories together. Handing a ₩10000 banknote to the cashier, you step back outside, walking in the direction of the grocery store. Hyunjin follows behind you quietly.

"I just have to go grocery shopping and then we can go home," you tell him, hoisting your bag higher up onto your shoulder. "We're out of avocados and I can't function properly without avocados."

Hyunjin nods, before reaching out an arm to absentmindedly guide you to the inner side of the sidewalk as a car streaks noisily past you on the street.

You swallow heavily and pretend that you don't find the protective gesture to be stupidly wholesome. Hyunjin walks close to you, hand brushing against your own with every step, and makes no move to take his hand away. You grit your teeth and mentally attempt to pull yourself together— you should most definitely not be going lightheaded over such a simple action.

By the time you come to a stop in front of the grocery store, the sun has already begun to set. Hyunjin lets out a gasp of amazement as you guide him into the store, pushing along a grocery cart.

He gazes around him in awe, taking in the huge shelves full of food. "Can you just take whatever you want?"

"Pretty much," you smile, "as long as you can pay for it."

He skips through the aisles, stopping occasionally to examine a random product and point it out to you delightedly. You smile as you push the grocery cart and observe him, a sharp pang of fondness resonating deep within your stomach.

Hyunjin draws your attention towards a snowglobe that swirls with glitter whenever you shake it, eyes sparkling with excitement.

"It's like you suddenly became ten years younger," you laugh.

Hyunjin flushes indignantly.

"But I like it!" you quickly say, to appease his temper. "It's cute."

He smiles at that.

By the end of your grocery trip, there are at least nine items in your grocery cart that you have absolutely no use for including the snowglobe that Hyunjin had found so fascinating, a new sketching notebook (your gift for Hyunjin), and a case of handmade soap (because Hyunjin thought they were too pretty to not buy). It's already late in the evening and the day's events have taken their toll on Hyunjin. He looks exhausted, winces in pain at even the slightest pressure applied to his back.

"We just have to checkout," you promise, glancing at Hyunjin worriedly, "then we can board the ferry and go back home."

So you wait in line at the checkout area and Hyunjin stands beside you, eyes tired and dull. By the time you've checked out, it's already dark outside.

You walk together on the side of the street, thoroughly exhausted. Hyunjin seems to be even worse off than you, letting out small exhales of discomfort every time he takes a step. "Just a few more minutes," you say, touching his arm gently, "hold on for a little longer."

He turns to give you a small smile, eyes crinkling at the corners, and you immediately forget whatever you were about to say. In fact, you are so captivated by his ethereal looks that you don't even hear the steady whirring of bicycle wheels from behind you until Hyunjin's eyes focus on something just to the right of your left shoulder. His eyes widen in alarm, and you turn around to see a bike cruising towards you at full speed, the rider waving their hands in the air, desperately gesturing for you to get out of the way.

It all happens so fast that you have no time to react. Instead, you brace yourself for the worst, squeezing your eyes tightly shut.

But it never comes.

Instead, everything goes deathly silent.

After about five seconds or so, you open your eyes again. The people surrounding you are motionless and frozen. Their faces are still animated with emotion, as if still in the middle of conversation.

You slowly turn to stare at the bicycle, which most definitely should have collided with you by now. Instead, it is frozen, although caught in the motion of streaking down the street. The rider too is completely stagnant, mouth opened in a silent scream of horror.

Time is, quite literally, frozen.

Everything stands still, motionless and paralyzed. That is, until you hear the scuffle of shoes against pavement from behind you and see Hyunjin, very much alive and moving, looking equally as shocked.

It doesn't take much to put the two and two together.

"You did this?"

Hyunjin shakes his head helplessly. "I don't know."

But he must have, you think. Because who else could have possibly done so if not him? You stare out into the frozen landscape, incredulous.

"Hyunjin," you breathe, wide-eyed and awed, "what exactly are you?"

Hyunjin presses his lips into a firm line. "I don't know, okay?"

He genuinely sounds so horrified that you resist the urge to gather him up in your arms and smooth a hand over his ruffled hair. He looks down at his feet, voice small and vulnerable. "I don't fucking know."

You gently wrap your fingers around his wrist, guiding him to the side of the street. Hyunjin lets himself be tugged along, eyes still trained to the ground.

Eventually, the world unfreezes. The people continue their conversations the moment they spring back to life as if nothing ever happened, and the bicycle continues its destructive course down the street. You marvel at the fact that for a good ten minutes, you and Hyunjin were the only human beings alive in the entire town.

Well, you were the only human being alive. You still don't know what Hyunjin is.

You silently guide Hyunjin to the harbor and board the ferry.

The ride back home is excruciatingly silent.

When you reach the lighthouse, you tend to Hyunjin's wounds and leave him to sleep on the couch. He falls asleep immediately, curling in on himself almost protectively. You brush his bangs out of his eyes and envelope him in a blanket.

You never knew you could have learned to care so intimately for someone in such a short period of time.

Before you leave, you place a plateful of avocado toast by Hyunjin's side for when he wakes up.

Then, you step outside to sit by the shore for a very long time.

Inside your house, asleep on your threadbare pull-out couch, there is someone who can freeze time itself. Whose body can heal itself before your very eyes.

The worst part is, it doesn't make you want him any less.

You tear him apart in your mind, telling yourself that he is a monster— something inhumane. You should keep your distance from him, you think. Push him away from you. You can't allow him to stay. You can't keep him here with you and make him warm plates of avocado toast in the mornings and take him to the shore to go fishing for tuna.

But you are already waist-deep in those dark pools of liquid glass that he has for eyes.

You crouch down to drag a finger through the seafoam that gathers on the wet sand and allow yourself, for the first time in months, to think of Chan.

He was so similar, and yet so different from Hyunjin. He loved so obviously— held your hand in public and sent you boxes of chocolates on Valentine's Day. A vivid contrast to Hyunjin's quiet thoughtfulness. You had believed, wholly and naively, that you loved him, and that he loved you back.

And then came The Incident. The morning when you visited his apartment unannounced to pick up a sweater you had accidentally left there and found Chan on the sofa, all messy hair and puffy lips.

Against Chan's collarbone was the necklace you had gifted to him for your third anniversary, and in Chan's arms was Jo Miyeon.

Chan had nothing to say to you when you found out. You didn't really have anything to say, either. You just turned and left, crying all the way back to your apartment. You didn't even end up retrieving the sweater.

You hug your knees to your chest and dig your fingers into the soft sand. Chan had tried to contact you countless times after The Incident, sending you text after text begging you to hear him out. You told him to fuck off and blocked his number.

You feel a light weight against your back and turn to see Hyunjin bending to drape his coat over your shoulders before coming to sit beside you. You blink away any possible traces of tears from your eyes and turn to smile at him. "Feeling better?"

Hyunjin nods, before reaching up to gently graze a fingertip against your cheekbone. Your breath hitches in your throat. "What's with the face?"

His fingers remain against your cheeks.

"What do you mean?"

"You always have this look on your face whenever you've been feeling bad over something," he says, eyes still searching your own carefully.

You shake your head. "It's nothing."

Hyunjin sighs but doesn't push. Instead, he leans back a bit and gazes into the dark water of the sea. His bare forearm presses against your own, warm and reassuring. You pull his coat closer around your shoulders, hugging your knees tighter to your chest.

If Hyunjin senses your discomfort, he doesn't say anything. But he allows you to shift closer to him, allows you to relish the warmth he radiates as he sits next to you. You sit in silence, watching as the tide rolls in, crashing gently against the rocks and spraying the sand in frothy flecks of seafoam.

Hyunjin clears his throat gently from beside you. "Do you want to rewatch Howl's Moving Castle with me?"

So you walk with Hyunjin back to the house and watch Howl's Moving Castle together and momentarily, everything is okay.

Momentarily.

The next morning, you wake up and cook omelettes for breakfast. Hyunjin sits by you, chewing thoughtfully as you elucidate to him the purpose of laundry detergent. You've gotten used to Hyunjin's limited knowledge of society, and to be completely honest, it's quite enjoyable to explain to him the significance behind turning away when drinking with elders or why kimchi is such a staple food in Korean culture. Something about his innocence is terribly endearing.

Hyunjin spends the rest of the forenoon sitting by the shore, painting the sea in its misty gray morning glory. After mastering sketching, he's decided to pick up oil painting as well. Unsurprisingly, he excels in it.

You study for a bit but find it impossible to focus when you can just catch a glimpse of Hyunjin painting from the corner of your window in your bedroom. Instead, you decide to sweep out the walkway. It's an excellent excuse to spend more time in Hyunjin's presence.

After sweeping, you clear the path of any stray pebbles. As you near the end of the pathway, you find a dead dove lying limp against the gray stone of the walkway. Hyunjin comes running at your exclamation of shock, eyes flashing with worry. When his eyes fall onto the dove, something lights onto his features.

You are not sure what to call it.

Recognition? Horror?

He stares at the lifeless bird in silence, eyes sliding glassily over the white feathers scattered in a halo around the dove, the stain of blood against its slender neck. The awkward angle of the wings as it lies splayed out across the pathway.

You frown.

"Hyunjin," you say, eyebrows knitting together in confusion, "what's wrong?"

Hyunjin slowly turns to look at you. There is nothing but pain in his dark eyes.

The first thing Hyunjin knew when he first opened his eyes was pain. A bottomless, aching pain from deep within his shoulder blades.

At first, it was all that he knew.

And then came a sense of loss. Hyunjin didn't know what he had lost, or how he could ever find it again. All he knew was that he had lost something, and it had been very, very important to him.

But then you walked into the living room. Fed him the strange bread with the mushy layer of pulpy green spread on top with a scattering of salt and pepper. Tended to his wounds, with forbearing hands and lithe fingers. Took him fishing and taught him to laugh again.

The pain was still there, but with you, the aching subsided into a dull throb.

Hyunjin still didn't remember what he lost.

But bits and pieces of his past slowly came back to him, so tiny and seemingly negligible that he had given up on making any sense of them. He remembered laughter on a city rooftop. Borrowed hoodies and iced americanos. He remembered a girl. He didn’t quite remember her name, or even what she looked like.

But he recollected the scent of rain and jasmine she carried with her. The silvery quality of her laughter.

Street hotdogs, drizzled in thick strands of ketchup.

Torn feathers and excruciating pain.

The slivers of memories came back to him at a sluggish rate, so slowly that he couldn't help but feel frustrated. But as he stares at the dead dove, with its blood-soaked feathers and broken wings, it all comes crashing back onto him like a wave, a tsunami of memories.

And here is what he remembers.

He remembers nights spent laughing under the sheets of a twin bed. He remembers gliding through the night air on starlit wings.

He remembers laced fingers and tight embraces. Shared iced americanos in the comfort of a cramped apartment.

Most of all, he remembered the girl. Her name is still lost to him, but he can remember her voice now. Husky and clear, slightly brittle. He can't recall her face, but he remembers that the color of her eyes perfectly matched the hue of ground coffee beans.

He remembers being apprehended and brought to Him. Kneeling before Him and begging for forgiveness— and receiving only contempt instead. Having his wings torn from him, bloodstained feathers scattered across the ground. Feeling the slick warm sense of blood rushing from his back in crimson waves. Falling into the sea, blood still trickling from the deep gashes in his back.

He gazes at you, the memories still bearing down on him in a torrent. You're still staring at him, eyes flashing with concern.

"I think," Hyunjin says, "that I was an angel."

To your everlasting credit, you manage to keep any incredulity off your face. "Was?"

Hyunjin nods. "I had my wings torn from me."

You frown. "For what?"

Hyunjin smiles, although it ends up twisting into a grimace.

"I fell in love."

You try, in vain, to ignore the stab of jealousy that shoots through you at his words. You swallow down the envy that tears at your throat, fighting to slip out of your mouth.

"Was it with the girl?" you ask, "the girl you mentioned you remembered?"

Hyunjin nods.

“Does she still remember you, too?”

He gives a tense scoff, pain flashing across his face. “She’s dead now. They killed her. As a punishment for falling in love with me.”

You don’t quite know what to say. The pain in Hyunjin’s voice is so audible that it tears through your chest. Hyunjin shakes his head, kicking at a stray pebble, before looking back up to you. "Shouldn't you be more shocked about the fact that I was an angel?"

You pause. If you're being completely honest, there is a part of you that cannot wrap your mind around the entire situation. But a bigger part of you has always known that Hyunjin wasn't human, although an angel never really crossed your mind.

"I am shocked," you admit, "but it makes sense."

Hyunjin frowns again, but seems to be grateful for your minimal reaction.

"Are your scars from where your wings were?"

Hyunjin nods. "They were ripped from me when I fell."

"So is it, like, illegal to fall in love for an angel?"

"You make it sound so casual," Hyunjin smiles, "but yeah, it pretty much is. God always insisted that our only purpose would be to deliver his messages and worship him infinitely. It was always forbidden to fall in love."

You raise your eyebrows in alarm. "So you've actually seen God?"

"I was an angel," Hyunjin snorts, "I pretty much spent half of my time flying around in the human world and the other half kneeling before him worshiping or something."

"You could fly?"

You know the questions coming out of your mouth sound insanely dumb, but you also can't stop them from slipping out.

Hyunjin sighs. "That's one of the main attributes of being an angel."

You take a moment to survey the entire situation a little more thoroughly. Knowing and acknowledging that Hyunjin is a fallen angel is infinitely more difficult than just knowing and acknowledging that he isn't human. Hyunjin seems much more confident now that his memories have been restored. A little less lost, although he looks a bit dazed.

"Are all angels this good-looking?"

The question slips off your tongue, and you mentally slap yourself for not shutting up when you clearly should have. A smug grin makes its way on Hyunjin's face as he stares at you.

"You think I'm good-looking?"

"Just pretend I didn't say anything."

Hyunjin laughs, a grin stretching across his face. "Actually, I don't think I will."

You flush red, cheeks burning. Hyunjin gazes at you with something like endearment in his eyes. "And to answer your question, pretty much. We're all meant to look ethereal or whatever."

"Now that you know what you are," you say, swallowing hesitantly, "what are you going to do now?"

Hyunjin hesitates, ruminating quietly. "I'm not sure," he admits. "Usually, fallen angels descend to Hell to serve Lucifer instead. But.."

He trails off, almost bashfully. You tilt your head. "But what?"

"I'd rather stay here with you."

Oh.

Your heart expands in your chest. You can't help the flush of delight that makes its way to your cheeks. "Didn't know you enjoyed my company that much."

"I'm only staying for the avocado toast."

"I liked you better when you were suffering from an identity crisis," you scoff. "Less cocky."

But you smile anyways, and take him fishing.

Just like that, your life with Hyunjin fades into a comfortable rhythm. Hyunjin grows into his own skin as the days progress, and you marvel at the transformation in his character ever since he retrieved his memories.

There isn't much of a shift in your relationship. Hyunjin still carries himself with a quiet thoughtfulness in his eyes, and you still wake him up every morning to make avocado toast for him.

Admittedly, there is a lot more mindless touching between the two of you. Gentle hand squeezes while walking along the length of the shore, sleepy backhugs while binging a k-drama that neither of you could give two fucks about. Hyunjin is so casual about it that you don't bother mentioning it to him.

Besides, you rather like it when he touches you.

You hardly ever think of Chan anymore. Not when you have Hyunjin here, with his shy laughter and dark eyes. The days pass by in a blur— a melty haze of sunkissed mornings and evenings spent sitting by the shore. You think you could get used to this. This kind of life, with this boy who fell from Heaven by your side.

Next to you, Hyunjin shifts slightly, shoulder pressing into yours. You're sitting on the lumpy couch, a blanket pulled over your lap. Hyunjin stares at the screen of the television, eyes fixated onto the k-drama.

"Hyun," you say.

Hyunjin turns to glance at you expectantly. You don't know when exactly you had started to use the nickname— you suppose it just absentmindedly tumbled off your tongue one day. But Hyunjin seems to receive it well, and you're a sucker for the sheer domesticity of calling him by a nickname.

"Tomorrow, they'll be holding a huge festival celebration on the mainland for Chilseok," you say, "do you want to go?"

Hyunjin pauses. His back has been hurting more frequently recently, even though the infection has long since left his scars. You've been worrying over it, even though Hyunjin has been insisting that he's fine.

"They hold the festival every year," you explain, "to celebrate the one day Jiknyeo and Gyeonwu meet on a bridge made of magpies and crows. You haven't heard of it?"

Hyunjin shakes his head.

You sigh. "Well, anyway. They always make the best grilled wheat flour noodles at the festival, so I always go. Plus, they also make steamed rice cakes, which is a bonus."

Hyunjin's eyes light up at the mention of food as he nods eagerly.

The next morning, you board the ferry, taking Hyunjin along with you. He winces as he walks, and you feel a stab of worry pierce through your heart. "Maybe we should go see a doctor or something," you say, glancing at him in concern.

Hyunjin smiles. "And then what? They'll find out about my supernatural properties and then I'll be used as a test subject for all their fucked up experiments. I'd rather not."

"But still, it's obviously getting worse. And I don't know how to fix it, either."

You frown, eyebrows furrowing uneasily. Hyunjin gazes at you for a moment, before reaching out to pull you into a backhug, pressing your back to his chest and resting his chin against the top of your head. "Don't worry about it. It'll be fine."

You allow yourself to lean into his touch, running a hand along the sleeve of his gray hoodie but continue to worry.

The mainland is already in chaos by the time you arrive. Normally, Chilseok isn't a huge festival in Korea, but here, it is easily one of the most celebrated ones. There are streamers decorating the roofs of the buildings, and the smell of wheat flour noodle soup boiling in the air. Hyunjin keeps you close to him as he presses through the crowds, reaching out a hand to grip your waist.

"Hyun, look," you say, gesturing towards a rice cake stand.

Normally, you dislike rice cake. But the ones they make at Chilseok are nothing short of heavenly, warm and sticky, topped with azuki beans. You lead Hyunjin over to the stand and quickly get in line.

Hyunjin stays by your side for a moment, before catching sight of a wheat pancake stall, pupils dilating in hunger. Wordlessly, you hand him two crisp ₩10000 banknotes and gesture for him to go ahead. Normally, you would be worried about leaving Hyunjin on his own. But you know he needs more social exposure, and you think this would be a good opportunity to do so.

Hyunjin hesitates briefly, almost apprehensively. You laugh and give him a small shove. "Go on, it'll only be a moment."

Hyunjin trots off towards the stall, tightly clutching the banknotes in his hands, and you turn to retrieve a ₩10000 banknote from your wallet, humming to yourself.

And then a voice says your name from behind you.

You pause, your body stiffening instinctively, banknote clutched tightly in your hand.

You would recognize that voice anywhere, anytime.

Slowly, you turn around. Your stomach dips at the sight of him standing in front of you, eyes inquisitive and bright, skin glowing in the beam of sunlight that washes over him. Your chest seizes up at the sight of him.

"Chan."

He's dressed in a pair of black ripped skinny jeans and a white t-shirt. He looks good. Chan always looks good. Maybe he’d be a little easier to erase if he didn’t look so damn good all the fucking time.

Your voice turns hostile as you take a step back, eyes narrowing. "What are you doing here?"

"What, I can't come to celebrate Chilseok too?" he laughs, taking a step forward. "Wasn't expecting to see you here, though."

You take another step back, almost bumping into the person in front of you in line. They shoot you a dirty look, which you ignore.

"Leave," you spit. "Now."

Chan rolls his eyes. "It's been months since we last saw each other, and this is how you greet me? I just came to say hi."

"Chan, go. I don't want to talk. I've got nothing to say to you, anyways."

Chan sighs and takes another step forward, making a move to grab your hand. But before he can do so, a warm hand comes to grasp your shoulder lightly.

Hyunjin stands next to you, staring at Chan almost belligerently.

"Hyunjin," you breathe. The relief in your voice is so apparent that even Chan seems to notice it.

Hyunjin doesn't take his eyes off Chan. "Who's he?"

Chan frowns. "I should be asking the same question."

Hyunjin's grip on your shoulder tightens. "Maybe you should mind your own fucking business."

You feel as if you might just explode with embarrassment. Chan barks out a short, bitter laugh. "Got yourself a new boyfriend already? You moved on real fucking fast."

"Don't you think you're being a little hypocritical? If I recall correctly, wasn't it you who cheated on me?"

Hyunjin watches the exchange between you and Chan, realization slowly dawning on his face. You sigh, running a tired hand through your hair. "Just go, Chan. I don't have the energy to deal with you."

Chan opens his mouth to retort, but before he can do so, Hyunjin steps in between the two of you, forcing him to take a step back. "You heard them. Leave."

You watch as Chan's face hardens into stone.

"Fine," he says, slowly. His eyes refuse to leave yours as he pulls at the hem of his t-shirt. "Have it your way."

He turns and leaves, hands clenched so tightly by his sides that his knuckles turn white. Hyunjin turns to you the moment he leaves, worry etched into his face.

"Are you okay?"

"I'm fine," you say, grinning up at him. "You didn't have to come save me, you know? I was perfectly capable of handling the situation by myself."

Hyunjin's face softens into a smile as he reaches up to brush off a strand of grass from your hair. "You would have done the same thing if it had been me."

You roll your eyes but don't try to oppose him. He's right, anyways. "Did you get the wheat pancakes?"

Hyunjin holds up a white paper bag victoriously. "The woman operating the stall even offered to give me another 2 pancakes for free! The people are so nice here."

"They're not nice," you laugh, "they just think you're handsome."

Hyunjin flushes, ears going red. You laugh again, something like adoration pulsing through you as you gaze at him. From behind you, someone clears their throat. You turn to see the rice cake stand operator staring at you expectantly. Hurriedly, you hold out a ₩10000 banknote to him, cheeks burning and accept the rice cakes he gives you apologetically. Hyunjin stifles a laugh as you trod off, still red with embarrassment.

You sit down by a bench to eat the rice cakes, Hyunjin coming to sit beside you. You groan in ecstasy the moment you bite into a cake, eyes closing in delight. Hyunjin smiles. "Is it good?"

You nod earnestly, reaching into the bag to hold out another skewer of rice cakes for Hyunjin. "You should try some, they taste heavenly."

Hyunjin takes a bite, chewing silently. "It's good. Still not as good as the food from Heaven, though."

You stare at him. "You ate food in Heaven?"

He nods, examining the skewer of rice cake in his hand. "We usually ate manna, although we had ambrosia too sometimes."

You smile. "It sounds good."

"It was," Hyunjin nods emphatically, "ambrosia always tasted different every time you had it."

He speaks with something almost akin to longing in his voice. You are silent for a moment, contemplating.

"Do you miss being an angel?"

Hyunjin pauses, before shrugging. "It was fun. But it was full of restraints and limitations. There were always so many rules— I always knew I'd end up getting my wings taken away anyways. I was too impulsive to be a good angel."

He turns to smile at you shyly, eyes crinkling into crescent moons. "Besides, I like it here with you."

You exhale slowly. Hyunjin stares at you with such open adoration in his eyes, such pure trust. You throb with want, with the need to love this fallen angel with the scars carved deep into his back and dark eyes that glow with stardust with everything that you are— everything that you ever will be.

Before you can think it through, you lean forward and capture his lips with your own.

You feel Hyunjin tense up momentarily, stiffening in shock, before immediately reciprocating the kiss. He tastes like sticky rice cake and sea salt, thick and sweet against your lips. You allow him to lean further into you, a hand slowly coming up to cup your cheek and the other coming to grip your waist lightly.

You break apart after a few moments to breathe, lips puffy and swollen. Hyunjin hums lowly from the back of his throat, hand still pressed against your cheek. You allow him to nose along your jaw, pressing chaste kisses against your jawline.

"Hyun," you mumble, running a hand through his hair. Hyunjin gives a hum in response, grazing his lips against your cheekbone. You sit back a bit, gently pushing him away. He gives an disgruntled huff but leans back to stare at you expectantly.

Biting your lip, you glance around you. There are several people staring at you already. "We shouldn't do it here."

"Let's go back home, then," he says, immediately standing up and holding out a hand to you.

His eagerness is endearing. You laugh as you take his hand, allowing him to pull you up. Hyunjin doesn't let go of your hand as he pulls you along into the direction of the ferry, dark locks of hair flying in the wind. He wraps you in a tight embrace the entire ride home, pressing you against the railing of the ferry and leaving butterfly kisses across your cheeks, oblivious to the dirty looks the ferryman keeps on sending your way as he operates the boat.

You almost consider apologizing to the man for all the troubles he's gone through with the two of you, but then Hyunjin brushes a kiss to the juncture between your neck and your shoulder and your mind goes blank as you pull Hyunjin closer, wrapping your arms tight around his torso.

The two of you end up spending the rest of the evening kissing and talking, lying in a tangled mess on the couch. You binge watch a k-drama, although you don't end up remembering a single thing the next morning except for the way Hyunjin cupped your cheeks warmly as he kissed you, the way he leaned into you when you pulled him into a backhug, wrapping your arms around his waist and pulling his back into your chest.

You think that this must be the happiest you've ever been. Wrapped tightly in Hyunjin's arms, lips molded against his on the mangy couch of your living room.

You remember how your mother had once told you to be careful with the way you lived your life— that the gods hated to see humans too happy. But you are too intoxicated in the drug that is Hyunjin to care much about what gods think.

You don't bother defining the relationship.

You think that it's unnecessary. Partly because Hyunjin has grown up without knowledge of human norms and seems to see no need in defining whatever it is he has with you, and partly because there is no need to. In the haven that is the lighthouse by the sea, it feels almost irrelevant to live life by rigid definitions and ideologies— it seems much more fitting to live in between the lines, uncharted and hazy.

But you know that you love Hyunjin. This you know better than anything. And you think, at least, that Hyunjin loves you.

It is only during the first week of August that you know for sure that Hyunjin loves you back.

July goes by so quickly that it almost seems as if it never happened in the first place. You lose yourself in Hyunjin's charms, in his raspy morning voice as he stumbles into the kitchen to wrap you into a sleepy backhug as you fry eggs for the two of you or his habit of leaving trails of butterfly kisses against your fingertips as he sits next to you.

Living with Hyunjin seems to be Heaven on earth— a very accurate metaphor considering the fact that Hyunjin was quite literally an angel. But as wonderful as it all is, it is also painfully obvious that there is something wrong with him.

Although the wounds on his back seem to heal at first, they quickly worsen during the period of July. The pain starts off only as a dull throbbing, but soon expands into a sharp and agonizing ache. Hyunjin insists that he is fine, brushing it off with a dismissive smile, but you find it impossible to believe.

Not when he tosses and turns on the couch at night in pain, unable to find a comfortable position to sleep without hurting his back.

You continue to tend to his wounds daily and press him to see a doctor. Hyunjin, again, refuses, saying that he'd rather stay here— that he couldn't risk being discovered to be an angel.

You never realized angels could be so stubborn.

By the first week of August, Hyunjin can hardly get out of bed without wincing in pain. Dark corded veins run along the lengths of his scars, so dark that they almost look black. You can do nothing but keep by his side, pressing poultices to his wounds and running a cool towel across his sweaty forehead. Neither of you can understand why it is that his wounds only seem to worsen, even though they show no sign of infection or contamination.

It isn't until Felix comes a few days later that everything makes much more sense.

Felix comes in all his angelic glory, dressed in dark jeans and a white t-shirt, halcyon ivory wings sprouting from his back. He walks almost hesitantly up the pathway and comes to knock at the door of the lighthouse. When you open the door a few seconds later, you both end up screaming in surprise at the sight of each other.

Hyunjin quickly comes over to the doorway after hearing your scream and halts the commotion by hurriedly explaining to you that Felix used to be one of his angel companions. You quickly compose yourself and let Felix into the house, blushing furiously.

Admittedly, you probably should have seen that coming. But when a real live angel is standing right in front of you, it's difficult to do anything but scream and stare. Felix comes to sit by the couch, wings folded up awkwardly behind him. He introduces himself shortly, his seraphic face a stark contrast to his deep voice.

Hyunjin sits by him rigidly, hands held stiffly in his lap. He keeps on casting side glances at you, as if checking if you were alright. It would be a cute gesture, you think, if the atmosphere wasn't so tense.

The moment Felix finishes his introductions, he jumps straight to the point. Turning to face Hyunjin, he studies him worriedly. "Has it started yet?"

"Has what started?" Hyunjin asks, frowning.

"The pain. Have the scars started to hurt yet?"

Hyunjin swallows, and turns to look at you. You stare at him mutely from across the couch, eyes wide. Slowly, Hyunjin turns to face Felix again and gives a short nod.

Felix groans, pinching the bridge of his nose with his fingers. There is a dusting of freckles across his cheeks and his nose, you notice. His skin practically glows in the dimly lit space of your living room.

Hyunjin leans in closer to Felix, staring at him expectantly. "Do you know why it's happening? How we can stop it?"

"I'm surprised you haven't figured it out yourself," Felix says, "an angel like you isn't supposed to exist in the human world in the first place, even if you have fallen. You have to descend to Hell so you can fully metamorphose into a demon."

Hyunjin's frown deepens as he considers Felix.

"I can only stay for half an hour at the most. I had Changbin cover for me so that I wouldn't be caught, but he can only conceal my absence for so long. If they find out that I visited you, they'll expel me too." Felix cautions. "I just came to warn you. Even if you've fallen, you're still one of my closest friends."

You feel overwhelmed by the sudden torrent of information. Swallowing hard, you tuck your hands underneath your thighs and look down into your lap. You can feel Hyunjin's gaze boring into you, but you don't look up.

"Is there any way I can stay here?" Hyunjin asks. "Without having to leave for Hell?"

Felix shakes his head. "You were never made to exist as something in between, Hyunjin. It was always to be either a demon or an angel. There is no gray area. If you stay here, you'll die."

You don't dare look up, afraid that your eyes will betray you.

Felix lets out a frustrated sigh, running a hand through his blonde locks of hair. "Hyunjin, this is a life or death scenario. Why the fuck are you hesitating?"

Hyunjin stares hard at your trembling frame, willing you to look at him. You keep your eyes trained to your lap. Felix slowly follows his gaze until his eyes set onto you and glances between you and Hyunjin, eyes narrowed.

"Don't tell me you're—"

"Yeah. Yeah, we are."

Hyunjin has never spoken in such a hard tone since that day with Chan. You almost don't recognize his voice.

"Again?" Felix groans, sighing. "Was the first time not enough?"

Hyunjin shrugs wordlessly, sitting back into the couch. You sit in silence, contemplating, although there really is nothing to contemplate about. The answer is obvious, although painfully hard to admit. "Hyun," you say, looking up. Hyunjin glances up to look at you, something like hope glinting in his dark eyes. "You should go. It's wrong of me to keep you here."

His face falls at your words, the light in his eyes flickering out. You tell yourself that this is what was to be expected. After all, the past few months with him really were too good to be true.

Standing up abruptly, you turn to trudge into your bedroom. "You can leave first thing in the morning."

"But what if I want to stay?" Hyunjin challenges, glaring at you defiantly. "What if I would rather stay here? You can't force me out."

"Actually, I can. It's my house," you say, and hate yourself for the way Hyunjin flinches at your words, the hurt that flashes across his face. "Leave by tomorrow morning."

Hyunjin catches your wrist as you brush past him, gazing at you with pleading eyes. You press your lips into a firm line and shake your head.

"You have to go, Hyunjin," you say, softly. "There's no other way." You tug your wrist from his grip and walk stiffly away from him, hands held tightly to your sides.

Felix watches your exchange silently, bottom lip caught between his teeth. You stumble into your bedroom and collapse onto the bed, burrowing under the sheets.

Your mother did not lie.

The gods truly did hate to see humans too happy— hated it enough that they would dare to take Hyunjin away from you.

You lie in bed, staring at the white plaster of your ceiling, and wonder if Hyunjin will miss you just as much as you miss him.

A few hours later, Hyunjin slips into your bedroom and comes to sit by your bedside. You don't ever dare to look at him.

He reaches out to place a plate of avocado toast by your bedside, pausing for a long moment to stare at you. The look in his eyes is so full of longing that it takes a considerable amount of self-control to refrain from pulling him into your arms and kissing him.

You turn away from him, and hug your arms around yourself.

"When you leave tomorrow, just go. Don't bother saying goodbye."

Hyunjin makes a soft noise of protest from the back of his throat.

"It'll be easier for both of us that way."

You can hear Hyunjin swallow hard as he gazes at you from the doorway of your bedroom. But his voice is hard and steely as he speaks. "Fine. Have it your way."

You end up telling yourself repeatedly throughout the course of the night that Hyunjin's departure will be easier without farewells.

When you hear Hyunjin rouse from the couch at 5 am the next morning, it takes an enormous amount of restraint to keep from tearing out of the bedroom and pulling him into a tight embrace. You sit in bed, teeth gritted, and tell yourself that it'll be for the greater good.

You eventually give in by the time you hear Hyunjin slip out of the lighthouse. Slipping on a fuzzy pair of bunny slippers and a thin hoodie, you run out after him. Hyunjin is standing by the shore when you reach him, dark hair blowing in the wind. He turns in surprise when you call out his name, although the shock immediately morphs into relief.

You come to stand a few feet away from him, panting.

Hyunjin's eyes sweep over your frame, taking in the fluffy bunny slippers and the striped pajamas. You are too anxious to feel embarrassed.

"Sorry," you breathe, "I couldn't stand it."

Hyunjin looks tempted to tease you for a moment, before deciding against it. Instead, he smiles and brushes a stray strand of hair from your face. "I'm glad you came."

You feel unsure of what to do. For the first time in weeks, there is an awkward tension between the two of you. Eventually, Hyunjin steps forward and pulls you into a hug. You wrap your arms around his waist and press your cheek against his chest. The two of you stay like that for a moment before breaking apart.

"Take care of yourself in Hell, okay?"

Hyunjin nods.

"I don't think I'll ever see you again," you swallow, looking up to gaze at him with glassy eyes. "But thank you for everything."

Hyunjin stares at you mutely, eyes wide. Something flickers in his eyes that you can’t quite pinpoint.

Perhaps it is love.

"The days I spent with you were the happiest moments of my life. I'm glad I met you, Hyunjin."

You let his name sit heavy on your tongue, relishing the sweet aftertaste it leaves in your mouth. Hyunjin reaches out a hand to cup your cheek. "I'll come back to you one day," he says, almost fiercely. "I will."

"Don't make promises you can't keep," you grin, pushing his hand away from your cheek.

"I plan to keep this one."

Hyunjin genuinely looks so determined that you don't bother arguing back. Instead, you smile and nod. "Okay. Come back to me, then. Someday."

Dawn breaks out across the sky, a soft orange sun peaking out from behind the gray clouds. You take a step back, wrapping your arms around yourself. "You probably should get going."

Hyunjin doesn't say anything, so you turn, almost awkwardly, and prepare to walk away. Hyunjin catches your wrist right before you leave and tugs you to him, capturing your lips in a bruising kiss.

You give a small gasp in surprise but allow him to press his lips against yours, hard. The kiss only lasts for a few moments before Hyunjin pulls back, breathing heavily.

You press a gentle kiss to his cheek before quickly turning to walk away. You don't think you'll be able to bring yourself to leave if you don't go now. Hyunjin watches you go, silently, eyes following your retreating figure.

By the time you've reached the lighthouse, he's disappeared.

Without Hyunjin, the months pass by in dreary monotone.

You move back to Seoul by the time autumn comes around to enroll into college, renting a tiny apartment in Pyeongchang. Although there have been a few who have expressed interest in you, your love life remains static and passive.

How can you have anyone else, you think, when you've had Hyunjin?

Instead, you throw yourself into your studies and try to forget about the boy from the summer, with the dark locks of hair and striking eyes. Admittedly, you only end up thinking of him more in your attempt to forget him, but it doesn't keep you from trying.

It is during a stormy winter night that Hyunjin first comes back to you.

You are sitting by your desk, finishing up a couple of college assignments when you hear a soft knock by your balcony door.

You are unsuspecting as you pull open the door, expecting it to be a pigeon collision or something similar— over the short expanse of time you've spent living in Seoul, you have learned of the shocking amount of moronic pigeons that subside on the streets of Seoul.

So your shock is plausible when you yank open the door to find Hyunjin standing on the balcony.

You let out a yelp of surprise, falling backwards. Hyunjin stifles a laugh as he observes you, amusement dancing in his eyes. Standing up quickly, you brush off your pants and before you can stop yourself—

"What are you doing here?"

Hyunjin looks slightly taken aback. "Why, don't you want to see me?"

"I mean, yes, but.." you falter, "I wasn't expecting it to be so soon."

"Have you missed me?"

You shrug. "Not really. I've been really busy lately."

(That was a lie. There hasn't been a day where you haven't thought of Hyunjin and missed him profusely.)

Hyunjin grins. "You're a terrible liar."

You splutter in protest and Hyunjin laughs, flicking his bangs out of his eyes. "If it makes you feel any better, you're always on my mind too."

Flushing, you allow yourself a moment to admire him, taking in his feline eyes and lean frame. He looks so much healthier than how you left him, skin taking on a gentle glow. Dark wings sprout from his back, sleek and glossy. You let out a small gasp the moment you lay your eyes on them. "You have wings?"

Hyunjin smiles. "That's kind of the point of being a demon, you know."

You approach him to run a hand along the black feathers. They are as soft as you imagined them to be, rippling like water underneath your touch.

"They suit you."

"Yeah?" Hyunjin smiles. "I've gotten pretty used to them."

Eventually, after a bit of jostling and adjusting, you manage to fit Hyunjin into the apartment. He keeps his wings folded neatly behind him, careful to keep from knocking anything to the ground. The moment you close the balcony door and turn to him, he steps forward to mold his lips against yours.

You wrap your arms around his neck and revel in the taste of Hyunjin against your lips. It's been a very, very long time since you've had him like this, pressed against you, lips moving against your own.

After a few moments, you break apart.

"How did you even get here in the first place?" you ask, breathless.

Hyunjin shrugs. "I pulled a few strings here and there. It took a lot of planning, but it all worked out, eventually."

You lean forward eagerly. "What's Hell like?"

"Way better than what they make it out as," Hyunjin laughs. "I can take you there, one day. Just to see what it's like. And to meet all my friends."

You end up spending the rest of the night sprawled on the couch, talking. You come to realize the magnitude of your yearning as you sit by Hyunjin, listening to him ramble about the breakfast buffet they have in Hell that happens to serve 279 different types of food. He runs a finger along the length of your forearm as he talks, eyes animated and alive.

You've spent so long pining for him that it feels surreal to have him beside you.

When Hyunjin runs out of things to ramble about, he turns to you expectantly. "What about you?"

"Nothing's really been happening with me," you smile ruefully, running a fingertip across the sleek expanse of his dark wings, "my life's really fucking boring compared to yours. Or at least, it's been extremely dull without you."

Hyunjin absorbs your words quietly.

When he turns to stare at you, there is nothing but raw emotion written across his face. His voice is low as he speaks up. "It's not just you, you know. I miss you more than anything, too."

You bite your lip, looking down into your lap. "When are you leaving?"

"I'll have to leave by the morning," he says, gently.

"Will you ever come back again?"

"I'll have to," he smiles. "I can't go more than half a year without seeing your face at least once."

And then you shove his shoulder and ask him when the fuck did he get so cheesy and he laughs and insists that it's just his love for you and you indulge in the sense of normalcy— the sense of conventionality you feel as he sits next to you, head rested against your shoulder.

That's how you end up falling asleep. In a tangled mess of limbs on the couch, under a thick cocoon of blankets. Hyunjin's wings wrap around you as he presses you to his chest, sighing contentedly. You settle into his embrace and try your best to not think of what is to come by the time dawn breaks.

By the time you awaken, Hyunjin is already up. He is sitting by the couch, watching your sleeping form with something fierce and aching in his eyes.

You let out a sleepy groan, rubbing your eyes blearily. “Leaving already?”

Hyunjin nods wordlessly.

For some reason, it is much, much harder to let him go the second time.

This time, it is you who initiates the kiss. You draw him to you by the doorway of the apartment and press your lips against his, letting out a soft exhale of relief as your lips connect. Hyunjin kisses you back for a moment, before gently detangling your arms from him, stepping back. You watch him go silently.

You are already missing him by the time you close the door to your apartment.

Hyunjin comes back to you for the second time the next summer.

You decide to return to the island after your college semester ends, choosing to relive the nostalgia of last year. Your friends complain loudly when you announce your decision to them, but don't object. You spend the first month or so tending to the lighthouse, occasionally going on fishing trips or collecting shells.

It is not the same without Hyunjin.

You choose to stay at home during Chilseok— you enjoy nostalgia, but not to an extent that you would travel to the same place you and Hyunjin kissed for the first time exactly one year ago. So instead of traveling to town to eat azuki bean rice cakes and grilled wheat flour noodles, you go fishing.

You are walking along the shore, clutching a pail full of fishing gear, when you spot Hyunjin's body, washed up on the shore. Your breath catches in your throat as you run to him, heart beating wildly in your chest.

There is dried salt caked over his collarbones and sand pressed to the pale column of his throat. Nevertheless, he is breathing. You let out a deep sigh of relief.

It only takes you the rest of the evening to drag him back to the lighthouse. There is a sense of regularity in your actions, although the entire situation is exceedingly absurd.

After all, what are the chances of Hyunjin washing up on your island not once, but two times?

You are rinsing out the salt from his hair when you realize that his wings are gone.

Very slowly, and very carefully, you roll him over and find that his back is free of any blemishes or scars. There is only a smooth expanse of skin where black wings should be. Your breath hitches in your throat.

You don't allow yourself to hope.

Instead, you drape a blanket over his unconscious form and wait until he regains consciousness.

In a few hours, his eyelids flutter open. Slowly, he sits up. You watch him carefully, sitting next to him by the couch.

His eyes flicker to you. For a long and terrible moment, you are afraid that he will not recognize you. That his memory will be completely erased, just like last time.

But then he utters your name, voice hoarse and hesitant. And you are throwing yourself onto him, laughing and hugging and sobbing all at once. Hyunjin groans as you pull him into a crushing embrace but smiles anyway, rubbing away the tears that spill from your eyes with his fingertips.

"How did you come back?" you gasp. "And where are your wings?"

Hyunjin grins sheepishly. "It took me forever to convince Lucifer," he says, "but he gave in, eventually."

"Convince him of what?"

Hyunjin rolls his eyes.

"What do you think? To turn me human, of course."

You stare at him, speechless. After a long moment of silence, you finally speak up. "So you can, like, stay here now? With me? Forever?"

Hyunjin grins.

The euphoria that floods your veins at Hyunjin's smile is indescribable in its magnitude.

"How did you do it?" you breathe. "Hyunjin, how the fuck did you manage it?"

"It's not like Lucifer hasn't fallen in love before either," he shrugs, "he sympathized with me. Besides, I was constantly slacking off on my duties as a devil. Couldn't stop thinking about you."

He's hardly finished talking before you're tripping forward to kiss him, almost feverishly. You recall the past year you've spent, longing and waiting, and feel that it is indefinitely worth it now that he's here with you, in your cramped living room on the lumpy couch, salty-sweet against your lips.

Hyunjin wraps an arm around you, and you fall into his embrace.

You think that you will love him like this for infinity, in this lifetime, and in the thousands of other lifetimes you will chase him across.

"But love is impossible, and it goes on despite the impossible." — Ada Limón, In a Mexican Restaurant I Recall How Much You Upset Me.

burn for you

❝ if it were me courting you, all i would need is five minutes with you in a drawing room. ❞

PAIRING ▸ sim jaeyun x fem!reader

GENRES ▸ smut (minors dni), some fluff, regency (bridgerton) au, best friends to lovers

WARNINGS ▸ profanity, reader is a catch !! and jake is a rake (i thought i was so funny for that bye), bridgerton references, mutual pining, pure self-indulgence for my self-indulgent queen, sexual tension, corruption kink !!!! (your fav), oral (f. receiving), fingering, public sex, unprotected sex (bc i looked up what they used for birth control in the regency era and it was not sexy…… but pls wrap before u tap)

SUMMARY ▸ regency london’s competitive marriage market is no match for you, who brings suitors to their knees with a simple bat of your eyelashes. however, the issue is that you only care for your best friend, sim jaeyun, and your competition is a princess.

WORD COUNT ▸ 4015 words

PLAYLIST ▸ wildest dreams by duomo • vienna blood, op. 354 by johann strauss ii, eugene ormandy • young and beautiful - dh orchestral version by lana del rey

TAG LIST ▸ @msxflower​ @fiantomartell​ @baekhyunstruly​ @mykalon​ @heelariously​ @hobistigma​ @simplyxlea​ @wntrsgf​ @person-standing​ @ja4hyvn​ @dnyamight​ @candidupped​ @shmooooo​

AUTHOR’S NOTE ▸ hello !! this fic is a present for @heetendo​ happy birthday fia ♡ ik ur a whore for jake and the regency era so i put them together for u in this little oneshot !! btw this was difficult to write bc i couldn’t consult my historical au expert :/

IT PISSED YOU OFF—THE WAY JAEYUN WAS BEING FUSSED OVER BY YOUR OWN MOTHER.

“A princess!” she gushed, hands pressed to her chest as if she was trying to calm her heartbeat. “Why, you would become a prince, then! Whatever was the reason for the princess deciding to marry down?”

You were sick of hearing the news over and over again. The Duke of Richmond, Sim Jaeyun, was being pursued by a princess—something that was absolutely bizarre and had the town buzzing with gossip. You were sure your best friend enjoyed being the talk of the town, however, and he indulged in how heads turned with both admiration and jealousy whenever he walked past.

You, on the other hand, were finding it hard to push down the jealousy you felt. All was fair in love and war, and especially during the season of courtship, but you found yourself outmatched once the princess made her appearance. Although, that didn’t mean that you were lacking this season; in fact, you had suitors lined up down the block.

Your mother was overjoyed by the amount of attention you had gotten, and she would spend her mornings answering calls and receiving flowers and gifts from the men who were trying to court you. You should’ve been happy; your future was secured with this. Even with the affections from the Duke of Bedford, Lee Heeseung, and the compliments from the Earl of Berkshire, Park Sunghoon, you still found yourself unsatisfied.

You didn’t want to get married if it wasn’t with Jaeyun.

Keep reading

confectionery confessions (teaser)

synopsis: Sunghoon keeps on putting sweets in your locker and dropping printed notes that he makes just for you. As your best friend, you tell him every time the secret person places something there again but Sunghoon never confesses that he's the one who keeps the sweets. What then happens when Jake Sim, someone from your art class comes and says he's the one that places the sweets. Even worse, you believe him and start liking him. Sunghoon hates that but he can't say anything because to you, he's always been Sunghoon. Your best friend Sunghoon, not anonymous admirer Sunghoon.

pairing: park sunghoon x fem!reader

genre: bestfriends to lovers. idiots to lovers. angst. fluff. unrequited turned requited love. slow burn?

warning: sunghoon is a bit of a doofus and yn is also a doofus but they're my doofuses. i will add more as the fic progresses.

wordcount: est 10k

release date: march 1

taglist: send a message or fill out this form

iii. the time he (indirectly) told you the truth.

“I was going to tell you, I just never had the time. Anyways you know now so let’s get down to business. We have to make an anonymous confession for Sunghoon to Y/N”

“Why anonymous?” Riki asks from on top of the couch he moved to when Sunghoon and Sunoo were having their brawl.

“He doesn’t want to ruin their friendship,” Jay explains and now the two boys attention are caught.

“That is such a teen rom-com move. Why not spice it up since you want to live that Wattpad love interest life? Let’s get you, someone you can fake date to make Y/N jealous,” Sunoo says and Riki bursts out laughing.

“I can’t let her know, that is all I can say. And quite frankly, I feel better doing it this way rather than making her uncomfortable.”

“But wouldn’t Y/N still be uncomfortable either way?” Riki questions and Sunghoon shakes his head.

“This is only a test run, if she doesn’t like it I won’t do it ever again”

“And how exactly is this plan supposed to work?” Sunoo inquires and Jay speaks up this time.

“The notes will be printed and the sweets will be kept in her locker twice or three times weekly. The letter containing a nice message from Sunghoon and the sweets that he’ll bake for her.”

“That’s kind of cute, I guess. A bit pathetic to be honest because you can never find me crying because of someone”

“You literally shed tears because your favourite club still lost their match. What exactly are you saying Sunoo?”

“I’m saying that it will be good, the plan will be successful as long as it’s being played out perfectly,” Sunoo says and shrugs his shoulder.

“How do we make it play out ‘perfectly’?” Sunghoon asks.

Propping his elbows on the table, Sunoo leans foward till his face is right in front of Sunghoon’s own, and then uses his hand to ruffle the dude’s hair. “We just have to ensure that Y/N is never there when you place the notes and sweets. Which sweet or dessert are you giving her first?”

“I baked blondies for the first time yesterday so she doesn’t know how it tastes yet. I was going to make some here today so that they would still taste fresh,” Sunghoon answers and Sunoo’s face lights up.

“You bake!?” Riki exclaims and Sunghoon’s hand goes to the back of his neck as he scratches it awkwardly s he nods in agreement.

“I do,” he admits and the duo start grinning while Jay stands up and points him to the kitchen, “Get cracking, chef”

“I didn’t like you because of your idiot mouth but if what you bake truly is good, I just might send you a note myself,” Sunoo says.

❁ 𝕜𝕚𝕥𝕔𝕙𝕖𝕟 𝕔𝕠𝕦𝕟𝕥𝕖𝕣 ❁

genre: fluff, suggestive

pairing: hyunjin x gn!reader

wc: 768

not my pics, credits to owner

You flinched back at the sudden sound behind you. You were munching on some chocolate, the dim light of the kitchen illuminating your figure beautifully. You turned around slowly, a look of guilt on your face as you looked straight into Hyunjin's eyes. He looked sleepy and tired, a sight you absolutely adored: eyes and cheeks puffy, lids lowered and lips plump as ever.

"What are you doing here?", he asked with a whispering, raspy voice, a mischivious undertone audible in his question.

You swallowed down the piece of chocolate you were eating and smirked at him embaressed.

"I was hungry.", you said just as quiet.

Hyunjin moved closer to you, placing his fingers on the bare skin of your waist. Seeing you standing in the kitchen with only your panties and his shirt which made you look so small was making his mind dizzy. Suddenly you were the only thing he could think about, his thoughts circling around you and putting everything around him aside.

Hyunjin's body moved closer to your's, ever so slowly, and his fingers lingered on your soft skin under his shirt. Your body was covered in goosebumps due to Hyunjin's touch, your mind wrapping around the boy in front of you. It felt like time was standing still for this moment, the both of you having the other imprinted in each other's minds. Your sleepy state made it even harder for you to focus on anything else than Hyunjin's beautiful features, and your hand made it's way to his face. You placed your fingers on the edge of Hyunjin's chin, brushing up his jaw until you held his cheek in your hand and pulled him closer to your own face slightly. He smiled lovely at your actions and leaned closer to you until his lips finally met yours.

No matter how often you kissed Hyunjin, you never got used to how perfect his lips felt against yours. They had the texture of clouds, they were just as light and soft. It felt like heaven everytime your lips collided.

You stood up on your toes to reach your tall boyfriend better, making Hyunjin chuckle against your lips and you were glad he couldn't see the slight blush creeping up on your cheeks.

The kiss you both shared in your kitchen on this way to early morning made you light headed, your lips moving in perfect sinc with Hyunjin's as you smiled to yourself in content.

After a while Hyunjin figured you might get uncomfortable standing on your toes this whole time, so he picked you up in a quick manner and placed you on the kitchen counter you were pressed against just seconds ago. His movements caught you off guard, your lips feeling empty without Hyunjin's touch on them. He saw your flustered expression and smiled at your cute face, moving even closer to you. Your heads were on the same level now, making it easier for both of you to connect your lips once again. Without breaking the kiss Hyunjin placed his hands on both your thighs to spread them apart just enough to make room for himself in between. His body was pressed impossibly close to your's now, causing you to heat up in seconds.

His lips started to go faster now, tongue interwining with yours in a way so perfect it let you breathless. You sighed into the kiss, making Hyunjin pull away with a worried face.

"You alright?", he asked, furrowing his eyebrows.

Your cheeks turned a slight pink and you nodded your head quickly.

"Yes.", you brought out, making Hyunjin realize the meaning of your sigh.

He chuckled before moving closer to your face again.

"Cute.", he whispered against your lips, connecting them seconds after, picking up the pace from before. The sudden passion Hyunjin brought into the kiss was driving you crazy, making you desire him in every way possible. Your hands were tightly interwined in his golden locks you loved so much, his own hands roaming all over your body, exploring every inch of you he knew in and out already. The pleasure you were feeling by only kissing your boyfriend and him moving even closer to your body made you moan slightly, earning a smirk from Hyunjin. Your hips couldn't help but grind against his after feeling his smile on your lips, hoping he didn't notice your movements.

Hyunjin pulled away, leaving you breathless and pouting. He cocked his head at you and grinned mischiveously, making you blush hard.

"Let's take this to our room, alright?", he said, picking you up without waiting for your answer.

~~♡

jkkwjskdiw this is so sloppy since i never write anything more touchy than kisses, but i hope u like my first post🥺

♡ teasing with felix

↝ felix x reader ↝ wc: 3.8k ↝ warnings: dirty talk, mentions of rough sex, choking, f. masturbation, dry humping, mature topics ↝ summary: your boyfriend thinks no one can make him come in his pants ↝ masterlist

if felix puts his mind to something, he can do many things, but you don’t want this to be one of them. it just can’t be.

it all starts innocently when the couple on the show he's watching talks about their sex life and the girl mentions how the guy came in his pants. when hearing that, felix scoffs and says the show is bullshit. “please, this is so unrealistic,” he mumbles to himself as soon as the couple mentions the topic. "who buys this?"

“what, making someone come in their pants?” you can’t help but feel intrigued by the comment.

felix doesn’t talk about sex much, even though you two have a lot of it. it is something meant for the bedroom, something intimate and private, shared between the two of you. he is the most loving and caring partner you’ve had, that’s for sure, but also the one who talks about sex least. so, hearing felix make a comment about sex so openly, without being asked, sparks your interest instantly.

“absolutely,” felix agrees with a shake of his head as if he just can’t believe how stupid the premise is. “do they make these for teenage girls or what? coming in his pants, please…”

“so i take it you’ve never come in your pants, baby,” you tease, squeezing his thigh as he visibly stiffens, sitting on the sofa next to you. you’re not sure if that’s because of your touch or your words.

“of course not,” felix now seems happy with himself, but you can see that his jaw is clenched hard as you continue to hold onto his thigh. “i’m not desperate.”

the way he stresses the word convinces you he really means it, which just interests you more. “oh, so you think guys who come in their pants are desperate?”

you instantly know you have to make felix blow his load inside his boxers now, you just have to.

“pretty much, yeah,” he clears his throat and focuses on the show again, clearly wanting to steer clear of the topic, his cheeks tinged red.

“you think you can’t come in your pants?” you can’t drop the subject, not when imagining him whining and panting and coming all over himself feels so good. “i couldn’t get you to do that?”

felix is pretty stoic and patient. he can go down on you for hours before asking you to touch him, dragging things out for as long as you want to, aiming to please at all times. but, you also know your boyfriend loves your touch and that he can come pretty quickly if he’s not trying really hard not to. so hearing him being so confident about this was just… interesting.

“babe, i love you and you’re the most attractive person i’ve met. if i haven’t come in my pants around you yet, that’s because it’s never happening,” felix faces you for a second just to give you a warm smile before continuing to keep up with the show he just called teenage girl material. interesting how he finds it so exciting now that it’s time to hide from your shameless gaze.

“why don’t we try?” you ask and a second later find yourself on his lap, straddling it.

“what are you doing?” felix mumbles at you, but you can tell he’s not mad—it’s just not the way you usually do things. but, nothing about this situation is usual.

“proving you wrong,” you chirp before leaning in to kiss him, which felix gladly accepts, deepening the kiss while his hands find purchase around your waist, gently kneading the skin.

after that one kiss, felix tries to watch tv over you, letting you sit there but clearly not thinking about entertaining your idea any longer, which makes you try harder. giving up without a fight is not your thing, so you roll your hips into his, hoping to get him hard.

“you’re such a child,” your boyfriend shakes his head and tries to focus on the tv as if the show is that much more interesting than you sitting on his lap. usually, you’d take offense to that.

but, you know felix is stubborn and is only doing this to prove his stupid point, which you took to heart earlier. so, you roll your hips into his crotch again and chuckle when you realize that your actions have an effect on him, whether he wants to admit it or not.

felix just clears his throat and narrows his eyes as he stares at the screen, but you can see the corners of his mouth quivering into a smile. he loves being teased just as much as you like doing it. the next step is pulling your shirt over your head and throwing it on the floor, which gets felix’s attention instantly, mainly because you don’t have a bra on, and your breasts are practically in his face.

“please,” he scoffs after he gets a good look at your chest, quickly looking over your shoulder to keep watching the show. “drop it.”

“why, baby?” you tease, wrapping your fingers around his neck, their tips scratching the back of it, which usually gets him purring. “scared you won’t be able to make it?”

“it’s not happening,” felix says but you can hear him gulp when you roll your hips against him. the fact that you’re in a skirt is making things harder for him—the only things stopping skin contact are your panties and his sweatpants. he breathes the words out, suddenly sounding not so confident, “give it up.”

“are you sure? you don’t want me on you?” you give him a fake pout, but it works. felix looks up at you with a grin the very next second.

“you can stay on me, forever if you want to,” he cocks his head to the side, his voice sounding deeper now, confidence exuding from it, “but i am not jizzing in my pants. you can forget that.”

“you’re 100% sure of that?” you lean in again, resting your forehead against felix’s, breathing in his scent.

“mhm,” your boyfriend hums in agreement and rubs your sides. “i’m not saying you’re not getting me hard or that i don’t want to take you to bed right now… i’m just saying, you won’t make me come like that.”

you accept his challenge and lean in, the side of your face close to his, allowing him to keep watching this dumb show of his over your shoulder while you tease him. even if felix doesn’t come from this, you’ll make him come in a different way, so it’s all good.

once again, he shows you just how much self-control he really has when you start nibbling on his earlobe, your hips moving in circles over his erection, giving it just the right amount of pressure—and felix stays silent with eyes fixated on the screen, the only thing moving is his chest as he takes a deep breath.

“you smell so good,” you breathe into his ear before starting to place kisses down his neck, leaving a wet trail on purpose so it tingles when you blow air over it, which is exactly what you do a couple of seconds later, getting him to grunt deeply. and that’s something you love hearing, something that could always get you going. “i just want to be close to you.”

“me too,” felix responds right away, not wanting to leave you hanging when you tell him something that moves him. he loves hearing that you love him and miss him and want to be with him—it’s what gets him through his day, the relief at the end of every long week he spends working. “always.”

“mhmm,” you moan against his skin and stop rolling your hips. instead, you shift all your weight to your crotch and sit down over his erection. “i love it the most when you’re inside of me… i feel so close to you then.”

you’re telling him the things he likes hearing because they will work. this is felix’s weakness: compliments, letting him know you need him and love him, and you both know it. he clears his throat and side-eyes you before giving the screen his undivided attention again. “me too, babe, me too.”

“how much?” you ask him, your breath hitching in your throat as you wait for his response.

your boyfriend doesn’t talk about sex much outside of the bedroom, when you’re about to do it or during the act, and right now, he’s keen on pretending he is not interested in sex. therefore, there’s a high chance of him ignoring you just for the sake of it.

for a second, felix contemplates it—he could just pretend to watch this stupid show and let you wonder about his response. when you sigh so sweetly, he can’t resist, “a lot.”

you chuckle happily and start kissing your way up to his face, peppering kisses all over the side of it, making felix feel pampered. five minutes ago, he was watching a show and now he is the center of your attention, getting rubbed and kissed, orgasm seen as his loss. he almost chuckles to himself, but lets you play with his face and neck, lets your fingers tug at his hair as your crotch presses into his own, his erection getting painful, still confined to his sweatpants, so far away from you.

“i like it a lot too,” you tell him with a slight moan, remembering the last time he was inside of you and how good it felt. “love how well you fuck me.”

these words instantly make your boyfriend gulp loudly—he wasn’t expecting you to be this straightforward. you usually are, but only when he’s inside you, not when you’re chilling on the sofa like this, and it messes with his mind in a good way. “mhm,” he hums in agreement, completely flustered.

“you know you have the perfect dick, right?” you are completely honest once again. you’ll win this game fair and square by telling felix the absolute truth. “when i first met you, i thought you were this shy, cute guy…”

he nods at this since he’s heard it before. isn’t that what everyone thinks about him? the cute kid with a doll-like face, not exactly boyfriend material. how he even got a date with you was beyond him, let alone getting you to be his girlfriend.

“the goody-two-shoes type… the type you take home to meet your parents,” you suggested, now kissing his lips gently. “not the type of guy who is so fucking good in bed. not a guy who has such a pretty dick… who can stay hard for such a long time…”

felix kicks his head back and grunts, and you can tell he’s annoyed with you. he wanted to prove a point but he’s failing slowly, your words getting to him. you talk about his dick a lot when it’s in your hand or in your pussy, but never like this, and felix wants to fuck you badly. he loves knowing you need him.

“but you are,” you say, cupping his face as you start to move your hips again, careful to drag your slit across his length, over his sweatpants and your underwear, which is wet at this point. you can feel it whenever you move away from him, the air hits the wet spot and it makes you shiver.

“good with your mouth,” you pause just to kiss him gently, taking your time while rubbing your lips against his. it gets felix to groan into your mouth, and you know you’re on the right path.

then, you continue, “with your tongue,” and shove your tongue in his mouth, letting them rub against one another for a while, enjoying the way felix is hungrily kissing you, even though he’s trying hard to pretend he’s not weak around you.

he shifts uncomfortably, which causes even more friction between his cock and your slit, and you both need more. “fuck,” he grunts as you pull away, your fingers tangled in his locks, pulling them softly.

“with these fingers,” you say as you bring his hand up to your mouth and suck the thumb into it, tongue instantly swirling around it, wetting it before you start sucking, cheeks hollowed, eyes looking down at felix’s sweet face as he bites down on his lower lip.

you look just like you do when you’re sucking his cock, and he can’t help but stare. what show? the only one he cares about is the one you’re putting on for him as you press your pussy into his crotch harder while sucking his thumb like it’s his dick.

you suck the finger dry and let it leave your mouth with a grin. “and, of course, your dick. who would have thought that such a dainty guy has such a nice, thick dick?”

felix’s cheeks redden, your statement making him all flustered. he knows you like having sex with him, of course, but he doesn’t think he’s that special. the reason you like sex with felix is that he’s a good boyfriend and treats you with love and respect and always tries to do his best to please you—that’s what he thinks, anyway, which is why hearing you say this about him does make him look away with a chuckle.

“stop!” he tells you but the way he presses his lips to suppress a smile tells you he doesn’t really want you to.

“why, baby?” you giggle, hands flying down to the hem of his shirt and sneaking under it, fingers grazing against his naked skin, moving up to his chest. when felix feels the pads of your fingers over his nipples, he hisses and opens his mouth, as if he’s going to moan, but he stops himself in time. “afraid you’re going to come?”

“not at all,” he says, quickly clearing his throat when he realizes how shaky it sounds. “no.”

“hmmm,” you gently graze his chest, dragging your nails down to the hem of his sweats, determined not to touch him before he comes. you’re not sure if he’s close but you can tell he’s enjoying all of this. “then i’ll go on… and thank you once again for treating me so nicely on saturday.”

saturday was a big day for you two—you finally had the day all to yourself, so felix made sure you spent it doing activities you don’t usually get to do often, like have a picnic together, go out to eat, and explore the city, find a nice coffee place where you could hang out and rest for a while before going to the fair.

when you got home, felix decided to show you just how much he’s missed spending time with you, and he showed his appreciation by eating you out for what seemed like hours and then fucking you even longer, leaving you a whiny mess that clung onto him tightly for the rest of the night. you didn’t want to let go of him for a second, your bodies naked and intertwined as you both dozed off, your lips placing soft pecks all over his chest, shoulders, face, making him feel safe and loved. his favorite.

the best part? since you had drinks after dinner, felix let himself go a bit and even got a little rough with you. at one point, he pinned your hands down and fucked you from that position, limbs stopping yours from moving even an inch, hips smacking into yours from above, fucking you into your next orgasm.

later, when he was on top of you again, felix wrapped his hand around your throat, and that got you all worked up, making you feel insatiable all over again. the contrast between how sweet his face was and the hand that was grabbing your neck was enough to make you moan his name over and over again, both of you enjoying the newfound thing to bring into the bedroom. so, you thought it would be good to mention this to felix so he’d remember it too.

he simply nodded and exhaled loudly. after that, his breathing got heavier, and you continued to make things so hard for him by rubbing your pussy against him, now desperate to feel more friction, to get your clit to rub against the hard erection under those sweats.

“want to see how much i like you?” you ask him as you buck your hips into him.

felix is a weak man, so he eagerly nods, and gets sad when you move away from him slightly, pulling your hips towards his knees. when you do that, he finally notices the wet trail you’ve left all over his dick as you rubbed yourself against it, and his dick twitches.

you’re so close to him, he can practically smell you, and that just makes felix wants to taste you. “so wet,” he chuckles. “just because of this?”

“because of you,” you grin, shifting your feet up on the sofa and spreading your legs for him, enough for felix to get a good look at your wet white panties that are sticking to your pussy, outlining every single curve, making him want to dive straight in.

you know he’s close, you know he wants to touch himself or you, but you don’t want to give in, so you move your hand down and start to rub your clit over your underwear, eyes focused on felix as he stares at your crotch, teeth playing with his bottom lip as he zeroes in on your fingers.

you’re turned on by the very sight of him, so it doesn’t surprise you that he feels the same way. besides, you’ve been applying pressure to his cock for a while now and saying a lot of things that got all the blood to flow down to his dick, so you don’t blame him for staring. but, just this won’t be enough to get him to come, you think, so you slide one finger under the hem of the underwear and drag it down your slit to your hole, circling it, moaning while doing so.

“babe, this isn’t fair,” felix says with a grunt, hands balled up in fists at his sides, desperate to touch either one of you. he misses you badly even though you’re right there, and his dick is twitching to be in any one of your warm holes.

“why not?” you shrug and shove the finger inside of you up to the knuckle, moaning lasciviously and arching your back, knowing your boyfriend loves that. you’re putting on a show for him and acting just the way you act when it’s felix who’s fingering or fucking you.

“fuck,” he mumbles and shakes his head, unable to look away. you never act like this around him, tease him this way, do everything in your power to make him come while not touching him properly, touching yourself for him to watch. you’ve never done that before, and felix is already a fan. he could watch you play with your pussy all day, but the need to touch you would overpower him. “does it feel good?”

finally, you got him to say something sexual. in a way, at least, but it’s good enough coming from someone as timid as your boyfriend. because of this, you’re quick to respond, “it does, but not as good as you… i miss you.”

he almost chuckles because you’ve had sex this morning before work. your usual cuddling session turned into slow love-making in a matter of minutes, warm bodies rolling in the sheets, neither one of you wanting to leave the bed and face the real world. felix doesn’t laugh, though, not when he misses you too, and wants you all the time. his feelings come out in the form of a moan as he notices your finger moving in and out of your tight hole slowly, slight squelching sounds filling his ears.

“i miss you too,” felix finally says when he realizes he hasn't responded, getting too lost in thoughts about just pushing you onto the sofa and latching his mouth onto you. “want to taste you.”

as if those are the magic words, you pull out the finger coated in your juices and bring it up to felix’s mouth, which sets him off—his hips buck up into nothing and you instantly jump back on his lap, starting to rut against him, your finger in his mouth as he sucks on it, incentivized by your smell and taste, needing to be inside of you. god, it smells and tastes just as good as he remembers and he wants to dive into your pussy head first, lick you clean, get you to scream his name.

“are you gonna come for me?” you ask as you grope your breast lasciviously, grabbing felix’s face and moaning at him, your hips going so hard you think you’re going to come in your pants. “if you do, i will pull your sweats down and lick it all off you, baby… i want to taste you too. and then you can bend me over and fuck me as soon as you’re up again…”

not even a minute later, felix starts moaning in a high-pitched tone, and you know he’s done, so you rut against him even harder and enjoy the way he grabs your thighs and lets his fingers sink into your flesh.

you want to focus on his face—he’s always so pretty when he comes, face frowning in pleasure—but you can’t look there, not today. your eyes fly down to his erection and you enjoy realizing he’s spraying cum inside his sweats, the wet spots appearing quickly, staining his clothes as felix moans and grunts and holds onto your thighs hard.

“hmmm,” you moan and reach down to rub his dick with the palm of your hand, and felix sighs as the last drop of cum leaks out of him, his head falling back onto the sofa. “no one can make you come in your pants, huh?”

you were right, clearly, just like you both knew you’d be, but felix doesn’t want to go down without a fight. he did just come in his pants and he feels sticky and kind of perverted, but it’s worth it just because you look so turned on by the sight. still, he wants to show you who’s in charge.

so, your boyfriend gulps and lifts his head, hand flying to your neck. this makes your breath hitch in your throat, excitement immediately rushing to your core. he squeezes it gently, but hard enough for you to feel the constriction. there’s just something about the heat that surges from his crotch whenever he gets to treat you this way, grab you tight, pin you down, get to fuck you like he really wants you, until you beg and cry for him, too much pleasure wrecking your pretty body.

felix speaks to you in that low voice of his, eyebrows cocked up, “what happened to you licking it all off me? it will harden, be quick.”

Hold On || B.C

notes: I haven't been here for a while. This is because I was working on this smut for a good amount of time lol, I wanted to take my time with this one! they in Bali in this smut, as they should ;p

Warnings/tags: Fem!reader, sub!reader, brat!reader, soft dom!chan tries being hard dom!chan, fiance!chan, oral fixation, cum eating, oral (m receving), degrading, prasing, teasing, breath play, little to no kissing, hairpulling, petnames, mentions of alcohol, headspaces, aftercare.

description: Chan doesn't want you hurt you. Why can't this sweetheart understand that you want to be used?

The music series, I chose songs and assign them to each member. I write each work according to the vibe of said song. Each work will have smut, whether it is soft, hard, or a mixture of the two. You don’t need to listen to the song to enjoy it, the song would finish before you’re done reading but listening to the song in general is recommended, because why not? To learn more click <here>.

part of music series, other members will be in <masterlist>

Chan was kind, sweet, and so gentle. You watched your fiancé with a proud smile as he high fived your nephew. “Thank you uncle Chan!” The man laughed wholeheartedly, ruffling the little boys hair and watching as he ran off with Chan's water gun, tripping over his small legs since the soft sand held little to no grip.

Even though the moment was so sweet that your sister seated in the beach chair next to you exclaimed about how you chose well, you couldn’t help but let that proud grin fall and slightly bite your lip; lowering your dark shades as he rolled up his sleeves on his light blue dress shirt. You felt like whore in church as you crossed your legs in your flowy sundress. You told yourself to behave for sake of this family vacation, but how could you when you had a greek god of a fiancé.

Of course, you lusted after Chan, it would be worrying if that wasn't the case. But you had only one complaint, that gentleness that your peers gushed on and on about was always apparent in the bedroom. Not that you didn’t like it, he treated you like royalty, but sometimes you wanted to be treated like… nothing. He didn't let you give him oral, he only wanted to focus on you. But that's what you wanted to most, you wanted him to use you for his own pleasure. But he never wanted to hurt you.

“Chan dear!” You observed as he jogged over at your mother’s call, smiling as he playfully winked at you. “We’re going to dinner tonight, you and y/n need to get ready.” You rolled your eyes at your mother’s demands before standing up with the gentle assistance of your partner. “What time should we meet up?” He asked, picking up your purse as you slipped on your sandals. “I think 7 is okay, y/n what do you think?” You let out a sure, swiftly lacing your hand into his as the two of you bid goodbye to your family.

You starred up at Chan unknowingly as the two of you walked back to the suite, thinking of ways to get him where you wanted him. “You’re staring, love.” You lowly scoffed at his words as he just chuckled. “What I can’t look at you now?” Chan raised his brows at your words before denying, “You can do whatever you want baby.” You rolled your eyes, “Yes, that’s the problem.” You whispered, “Huh?” You shook your head, refusing to repeat yourself as he fished the room key out of your purse.

You sighed in fatigued as plopped on the bed, taking off your sunglasses. “What are you gonna wear, babe?” Chan asked plopping down next to you. You breathe in his cologne as you think, but you didn’t want to. “Do we have to go to the dinner?” He smiled at you as you continued, “I just wanna stay here, with you.” You say up and straddled your fiancé, leaving him to giggle at your advances. “You’re very cute, but we’re going.” You frowned as his hands ran over your thinly clothed thighs, stirring your thoughts even more.

“I don’t wanna go…” you muttered before smirking, hopping off his lap and standing before him with crossed arms over your chest. He sighed, “What are you doing?” You didn’t answer as he grabbed the back of your thighs, pulling you closer to his seated form. “I’m not going.” Chan frowned in question at your words. “And why is that y/n?” He was amused, “Because I don’t want to.” But his patience was growing thin. “What’s up with this little attitude you’ve been giving me princess? Ever since we got here you've been so bratty.” You shiver as his hands start to kneed the back of your thighs. “I-I don’t know what you’re talking about.” You say as he uncrosses your arms, rubbing the back of your hands his thumbs.

“If you don’t talk to me I can’t help you Y/n.” You grew frustrated, pivoting and plopping down on his welcoming lap. You huffed as he crossed your legs for you, “What’s wrong baby?” He asked softly, caressing your legs. You played with the buttons on his shirt before getting the confidence to confess. “You’re so nice to me, I hate it.” You let out, Chan chuckled in disbelief. “You hate that I'm nice to you?” You shook your head in denial, understanding that you've worded it incorrectly. “I love when you take care of me, but…” Chan's brows furrowed in anticipation. “When you fuck me, your so gentle.” He parted his lips in surprise, “So what I’m hearing is, you’re horny.” You looked up from playing with his buttons to be met with a teasing grin.

“It’s not just that Chan! I want you to use me, just... like... not care, I don't know.” You whined, frowning as he lifted you off his lap and to your feet. “Go get washed up.” He says, leaning back on his hands as you stand before him in frustration. When you make no signs of movement he sighs heavily, “I’m done playing with you y/n. Now get washed up, I won’t tell you again.” Your eyes widen at his words as his voice lowers in slight annoyance. As you walk to the bathroom and shut the door behind you, a stream of thoughts fill your head. You had a plan.

Your fiancé’s eyes rolled for what seemed like the hundredth time as you changed back into your first choice dress. You light-heartedly chuckled, “Are you annoyed with me, Chan?” He eyed you as you finished your makeup, standing in the doorway of the large bathroom. “Not at all baby, I’m thinking about how beautiful you look.” It was your turn to roll your eyes, swiping on your lip gloss before sealing the tube tightly.

“Okay, I’m ready!” Chan grinned as your short heels timidly clacked against the marble floor. He glanced at the clock and sighed in relief, praising himself for making you get ready earlier than needed. “Do I look pretty Channie?” You peered up at him, leaning into his touch as he brought up a hand to fondly run a warm thump over your cheeks. He pressed his lips to your forehead, “You look stunning princess. We have to go now, can’t keep your family waiting.” You huffed lowly as he put a gentle hand on your back, guiding you out the heavy suite door. You'd have to try harder than just looking pretty for him.

Unfortunately, you weren't an expert at being bratty. There was no need to be when you had a partner so giving, and so gentle. The name “Chan” and the word “brat” didn’t belong in the same sentence in your opinion, but how else would you get him there. You felt sort of guilty when his breath hitched as your hand steadily ran over his bicep before finally clasping his hand in yours. You went for it as you played with the hair on the back of his neck as he and your father conversed about things you couldn’t care less about; you watched as he sucked in his bottom lip, his lids fluttering as your fingers subtly danced across his skin.

One thing about Chan, he absolutely loved being touched, It was his favorite form of intimacy. He’d ask you to massage his shoulders, play with his hair, he’d even grab your hand and place it on his naked chest as you two cuddled at night. Being touched was his weakness, it often led to him initiating something more than innocent cuddling sessions.

You held back a grin while sipping your dark red wine. Chan gently removed your hand from his neck, interlocking your fingers and placing it on his lap; a small warning for you to start behaving. “Y/n?” You hummed at your mother, placing your wine glass down on the table fancy while table. “Do you know where you want to have the ceremony?” As you answered you released Chan’s hand, he let you go, thinking his message has been conveyed; he was wrong. He sucked in a harsh breath as you abruptly squeezed his upper thigh, dangerously close to his member that say comfortably in his trousers. Chan cleared his throat, taking a sip of his wine before grabbing your soft hand and placing it back to your thigh.

Your mother was satisfied with your answer, she soon grew bored and started focusing on your siblings, your father was too occupied with the dessert menu to process his surroundings. Noticing this, Chan leaned closer to you, “Are you fucking crazy?” You shivered as he whispered harshly into your ear, but you didn’t stop there. You grabbed his hand, pressing what seemed like a loving kiss to the back of it, but Chan watched in tamed anger as your eyes darkened while your lips lingered on his skin. He was too stunned to protest as you guided his hand up the slit of your dress, he soon recovered and took one last sip of his wine before calmly leaning closer to your ear once more. "You're in trouble." For the first time, you felt a pang of fear as he spoke, seeing as your partner gently tapped your thigh before taking his warm touch off your skin and continuing to eat.

Chan didn't talk to you for the rest of dinner. You tried to whisper to him, even the most random things, but all he did was place a gentle warning hand on your back and continued to humor your father. You actually felt in trouble, worrying if you took it too far. You didn't know the limits to teasing, it was a foreign world to you.

You were pulled out of your thoughts as the check came. Chan stopped you silently as you pulled out your wallet, taking out his own to pay for your portion of the bill; ignoring your gaze as your eyes followed his movements. "I don't think y/n is feeling well. I hate to leave like this." You look up in surprise at your fiance as he suddenly stands up, grabbing your small handbag for you as always, gesturing you to follow him, which you did, no questions asked. "Oh, well get better honey." You give a curt smile to your father and tell your family goodnight.

"Baby?" you say hesitantly as Chan leads you out of the restaurant. You stiffen as he scoffs, “You wanna be all innocent now? Bullshit.” your eyes widened at the unfamiliar tone, he never talked to you like this. You stayed silent and followed behind him as you reached the hotel, only stealing little glances at him here and there. He didn't look at you as he motioned for you to get in the elevator first. You didn't dare to defy him as you walked in and pressed the button.

You walked into the suite as he held the door open, not trusting yourself to speak. "Who knew my princess could be such a slut?" Your lips parted, why did your body feel tingles all over and he talked to you in ways that could be frowned upon? Your eyes watched his every move as he undid two buttons on his stark white dress shirt. "Let's learn something new, hm?" You nodded. "Green means go, yellow means slow down, and red means stop. Got that?" Chan shoved his hands into the pockets of his black dress pants, waiting for your answer as he tried to hold back his unsure gaze as much as possible. "Yes, Chan." he nods and walks over to your still form.

He caressed your sides, smirking as your naked arms formed goosebumps. "How long have you been waiting for this, my love?" he asked, turning you around and unzipping your dress slowly, your breath hitched as his fingers grazed your skin. "You’re not acting all bratty now? You were willing to risk it all-around your family," You weren't sure what to say nor how to act, never experiencing this side of your partner before. "Princess, you don't know how badly I've been wanting to fuck you, fuck you so hard you're begging for me to slow down. Begging for mercy." You gulped as he whispered into your ear. "I just didn't want to hurt you, baby, I love you." He smiled gently as he grabbed your shoulders and made you face him. Chan pressed a soft kiss to your lips after you whispered back a shaky "I love you too."

“But since you want this so damn bad, you’re gonna have to take it like a big girl. Do you understand me?” Chan stroked your cheek sweetly as you peered up at him expectantly. “Yes, Chan.” He smiled, “God you’re being so good for me. But I didn’t forget all those stunts you pulled at dinner baby.” his hand placed itself to your neck, and tightened enough for air to be cut off just slightly. You gasped for breath as he stared into your eyes, “You look so pretty like this.” You bit your lip as his other hand slid the dress straps off your shoulders, watching it fall, leaving you in your black lacy set.

Wetness pooled into your underwear, but you could tell he was still being cautious with you, not wanting to hear the color that meant he hurt you. You wanted him to know you could take him, all of him. While he was going to kiss at your collar bones, losing his grip on your neck, you made the move to provoke him. “You say,” you gulped, rethinking if you should speak; fuck it. “You say you’ve been wanting to fuck me until I beg.” Your fiancé looks up, glaring into your eyes and tightening his grip once again as a warning. Nevertheless, you continued, “But you’re still being so fucking soft. I’m not even turned on.” That was a lie, and you soon regretted telling that lie.

You yelped as Chan swiftly picked you up and threw you on the large bed, your belly on the mattress. Your chest heaved as he climbed on top of you, his hand reaching to the back of your head and grabbing a chunk of your hair, yanking your ear closer to his pink lips. “Say that again, I dare you.” You stayed quiet as he chuckled. “I’m sick of your filthy little fucking mouth y/n,” you waited in silence as he straddled your legs, unbuttoning his pants, pulling out his painfully hard member. You tried not to drool as he got off your legs and stood to the side of the bed. You whine as he took a hold of your hair again, pulling you to where your head is leveled with his member as your ass stuck up in the air.

"Look at you," short breaths escaped your lips as you starred at the precum leaking out of his dick. "looking at my dick like a bitch in heat." He chuckles and you swallowed dryly, lowly wincing as his grip on your hair tightens, pulling your head away as you tried to get closer. You looked up at him through your lashes, “Please…” Chan licked his lips at your plea before pulling you closer to his throbbing dick. “Open.” You obliged, sticking out your tongue slightly and closing your eyes as he slid himself into your mouth.

“Your mouth always feels amazing.” Humming around him as you let him begin to use you. However, your eyes pop open as he swiftly pulls out and turns you to lay on your back. You feel his hands grip the sides of your head. “What?” He uttered amused. You tried not to feel embarrassed as his dick pushed back in and sat comfortably in his mouth as you looked up at him with anticipation. “You wanted to be used, didn’t you? Be good and let me fuck your face, okay?” You nodded, squirming as your underwear started sticking to your core. But nothing could have braced you for Chan starting to thrust into your throat at a fast pace. Your throat made squelching noises that made your face burn, but that only made Chan’s eyes roll to the back of his head in pleasure. He slowed down for a bit, pulling out to let you catch your breath; you protested. “More.” You rasped out. Your fiancé chuckled.

He guided himself back into your mouth, listening to the pretty sounds your throat would make due to him fucking your mouth at a constant speed. Your mascara was running and drool was pooling at the corners of your mouth but that was the least of your worries. Honestly, you weren’t even thinking, you’ve never felt this dazed, this fuzzy. You didn’t complain as he got faster or went deeper; you whined in protest as he pulled out of your throat to give you a break.

Chan watched in worry as you didn’t answer his little wellness check. “Princess?” He made the effort to wipe the mascara from under your eyes. He frowned as all you did was eye his throbbing member before you, steadily leaking pre-cum. You hated that he wasn’t still in your mouth, you knew he was close. Why didn’t he just use you fully?

“W-wanna feel you. Plea-se.” You begged him, reaching a shaky hand up and stroking his length, listening to his hisses as he made the effort to restrain himself. “Baby,” you licked your lips before interrupting him. “M’ok. Cum, please.” You opened your mouth, waiting for him to enter you once more and he did. He wrapped his hands around your neck and you closed your eyes as you felt him slide in and out your throat with ease. You listened to his grunts and fought the urge to touch yourself, you didn’t have to. You felt a hand slip under your lace, gathering your wetness and rubbing feverishly at your sensitive bud, causing you to let out strangled sounds.

Your orgasm came quick, listening to your fiancé’s sounds of pleasure as he fucked your mouth ruthlessly, all the while your clit was being toyed with, it was all too much. You gripped Chan’s forearm lazily, your legs shaking while your strongest orgasm rippled through you in euphoric waves.

“F-fuck, fuck fuck fuck.” You lazy opened your eyes, watching as Chan sucked on the fingers he used to make you cum, before laying that hand on your left breast for leverage. “P-princess I’m gonna cum.” You moaned around him, feeling as if you were floating as you felt him pull out of your throat, welcoming the ropes of his climax as it hit your lips. You licked your lips with shut eyes. Not noticing the worried look on your partner’s face as he rushed to get a damp washcloth as well as water.

You sighed as he lifted you and rested you against the headboard, wiping your face with the cloth as well as the sweat on your chest. “Y/n, baby… are you okay? Here, drink.” You lazily opened your eyes as he held the glass to your lips. “Mm… that was fun.” You uttered. Chan chuckled, “You’re gonna need to come back down to earth baby.” He says as he grabs a t-shirt from the other side of the bed, gently putting it on you. “... Cuddle?” You ask. Chan smiles, “Of course baby.”

You took a moment to listen to his steadying heartbeat as you got out of the fuzzy headspace. “Thank you Channie.” You snuggle closer to his chest as he caressed your shoulder. “There you are, got scared for a bit.” You smile up at him. “Was it too much? I’m sorry if I was being too rough.” You shake your head in protest. “No no, that was everything I wanted.”

"I'll fuck you properly next time, just rest right now."

James potter headcannons

James would always laugh when you'd steal his glasses and wear them, tickling you to be able to steal them back

Whenever gryffindor would loose he'd come sulking to you, like a animal licking it's wounds. Needing your comfort to get him back up to planning how they'd win the next game

He'd just about turn into a puddle when he sees you in the stands in one of his extra quidditch jerseys, smile never leaving his face the rest of the game

When he'd do something he deemed cool or funny, his eyes would always try to find you. Seeing if you're laughing or impressed by his actions

He's almost not able to be in lessons with you, always looking over and wondering what you're doing, "whispering" to you from across the room. Without a doubt managing to get him detention

Listening to him ramble about pranks and quidditch but not minding since he listens to you with the cutest look in his eyes and always asking questions about your own interests

Always buying you sweets on the train, no matter how hard you try to fight him

Him hating having to spend breaks without you so he'd visit you on his broom in the middle of the night a few times a week, occasionally falling asleep with you and getting himself into trouble for it

His parents thinking you and him are the cutest thing ever, especially with the way james looks at you when you're not looking or are too focused to pay him any mind

Picking up small stuff that reminds him of you, even if it's just a rock in the sidewalk. He has a special place where all of it goes and he hates anybody to mess with it

Anytime you so much as shiver while you're out with him you're immediately getting his jacket, don't fight it. You can't

He likes to squish your cheeks in his hands and call you his guppy and give you a kiss on your puffed out lips

He'd stick to a few nicknames. Mainly guppy, bub, pretty baby, and lovie

Would gently bite on your cheeks, especially when he's bored of whatever he's doing and decided to bother you instead

He'd definitely wear a chain with your name on it, even if it did get hidden under his shirts. You two knew it was there and that's all that matters

He'd always run up behind you in the halls and lift you, enjoying your laugh and shriek

Would send you winks and make faces at you during meals for absolutely no reason

He'd try to climb into your sweater with you, and when he couldn't fit through the neck hole he just wraps his arms around your waist and rests his head on your chest. Still under your sweater, usually falling asleep

Loves to poke you in your side while you study together, laughing when you look at him with furrowed brows and a small pout

Him promising that one day, you'd get married and you two wouldn't have to deal with voldemort anymore. A life of peace without the constant threat

George Weasley!

Ohohoho I've been waiting for this *rubs palms together*

Grab some water folks, this is gonna make your mouth dry

George Weasley NSFW Headcanons

Contrary to the popular belief, he's the one to first lose his virginity out of the twins. He's not the type to date everyone he finds attractive, seeing as he seeks a special connection, and thus he's very loyal to his first partner who also turns out to be his first in bed as well.

George hasn't had any dating experience until his 6th year. That's also the year when he started actively researching how to please his partner if he ever happened to have one.

Let's face it - sex ed at Hogwarts sucks. Practically nonexistent, I bet.

But I'm sure our clever boi Georgie™️ makes sure to find info about everything he needs to know. Might earn a few curious looks from librarians for taking a copy of The Art of Love-making but this would be much preferred to getting teased by Fred when asking him for advice.

George is really intimidated intrigued by female anatomy. This puts immense pressure on him to do well and he's high-key terrified excited about it.

However, once he learns more about sex, he realizes there are quite a lot of things he'd like to try out if given the chance.

By things we all know I mean kinks

Hair pulling kink. From both parties. Let him pull you by your hair and call you his good girl while he's taking you from behind, and you're in for a mindblowing orgasm. Tug at his ginger locks and he turns to mush in your hands, going into full submissive mode, ready to serve you.

Praise kink - having shared almost everything with his brother Fred all his life, hearing praise about himself as an individual would make George happy like nothing else. Amongst all things he wants to feel appreciated and loved, and to know he's doing a good job pleasing you. If he's pleasuring you well, do let him know. Plus he gets really really turned on by your needy moans, gosh.

From the very beginning George had set up his mind to learn how to give oral properly. He's a giver by nature so he only wishes to make you feel good, and also, come on, the boy wants to know how to eat pussy. Teach him.

When he's down to business, he really couldn't care less (not that it would ever make an impression to him) about minor things such as body hair, stretch marks, birth marks, scars etc. If he wants to eat you, nothing's going to stop him from completely devouring you. Not even your own insecurities.

Speaking of which, George has a very skilled tongue. Aside from sweetly talking his way out of trouble, he uses it for some other extremely pleasurable things too. And one of the things he was most looking forward to during his first time, was using his tongue on you.

George was immensely aroused by the thought of tasting you. For some reason having his head buried between your thighs was a thought which could make him hard almost instantly, and he was slightly afraid he might creep you out by requesting to go down on you.

And when you agreed, lord better have mercy on you.

The way George's tongue swipes up and down, licking every inch of hot skin, spreading your wetness all over your core and flicking your clit, is enough to tell you exactly how often this boy has imagined eating you out.

And holy fuck, was he good at it.

Needless to say George is an amazing kisser. He'd waste no time claiming your mouth and making your knees weak until you're practically begging him to take you.

He's very flexible when it comes to pace. If your desire is to take things slow, and enjoy caressing and admiring each other's bodies, George is more than happy to oblige. If all you want is him to fuck you raw into the mattress with the only sounds in the room being the slapping of skin against skin, your desperate moans and his feral grunts, he's happy to do that too.

Let's be clear - Rough George™️ and Soft George™️ are two different people.

It doesn't matter if Rough George has been fucking you for the last hour. If you're in any kind pain or get tired, or simply want to stop, Soft George takes over to make sure you're both physically and emotionally okay.

He always keeps a bottle of water nearby in case you need a break whenever you get overwhelmed; these things happen too.

That was the best part of having rough sex with George - you could always count on him to treat you with extreme care afterwards or whenever else you needed.

Aftercare with Soft Georgie™️ would be heaven. You bet your ass he's going to have an entire packet of snacks and candy that he keeps a secret even from Fred just so he can spoil you afterwards.

Feeling too exhausted to even move? Absolutely cool. George would clean you up and change the bedsheets if necessary. Right before hopping into bed too to cuddle you and whisper comforting things in your ear; loving praise about how well you had done that night or adorable compliments to assure you of his love for you.

Yeah, get me a George Weasley now please

Likes don't help me grow, please reblog my work instead!

Masterlist

Hymn of Light ☼ The Darkling

“I love you too,” he murmured against her skin as his lips trailed down from her mouth to the base of her neck. He’s quick to tighten his grasp on the back of her dress, bunching up the taut fabric which left more of her skin exposed to the biting chill. Yes, wanting her left him weak, exposed to the next bastard who so much as dared look at her the wrong way. But in almost inexplicable ways, she made him stronger than before. She made him feel alive, like pure light — able to heal and bless.

Pairings: The Darkling x [F]Sun Summoner!reader  Content: Rough smut, oversim, pet names, dom/sub undertones, established relationship, unprotected and possessive sex, religious imagery & symbolism A/N: I hate the darkling but GAWD DAMN! LIKE FINE, MAKE ME YOUR WHORE!

〚 Masterlist | ao3 〛

DISCLAIMER: This story contains sexual content. If you are not 18 or older, do not read. Remember to practice safe sex and do not use these stories as an educational reference. If you are interested in any of these topics, research them more in-depth. Practice safe sex!

Chapter i | Always You

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“Thanks for ending early,” Y/N said with a light tone. Even though he couldn’t see her, her back facing him, Aleksander knew that she was smirking. He could hear it in her voice.

“Mhm. Bit of a bore, don’t you think?” he replied, equally as sly. He strides over to his bed, taking off his kefta made for the evening event at the Little Palace that night. The embroidery used threaded silver with highlights of gold specks. He and Y/N performed a mesmerizing light show; the shadow and light blended, merging into one before the entire room became a sky full of twinkling stars.

Light and dark, he thinks, always one to compliment each other so well.

Aleksander sighed, the knots in his shoulders appeared to slacken now as he’s in the comfort of his — no, their quarters. He finds himself smiling at the sound, their quarters.

The room was now scattered with her belongings. A vanity replaced an old full-length mirror in his room; the bed smelled like her, clothes that are far too colourful for his palette littered his drawers; with his small set of cologne, her perfume bottles laid on top of the dressers. Books, sketchbooks, makeup, the lively green plant in the corner — all belonging to her. And he treasures the sight, causing sunspots to dance around in his heart.

He felt so much more human, fulfilled now that she’s by his side.

He peaks out of the bedroom, watching Y/N with an adoring gaze. The dim lighting illuminated the highest point of her face, giving it a sharp look. The gold hairpins reflect the light, bouncing around in the room. Her hand reaches up to take off her jewelry, placing it into a small box on top of her vanity. She peeled off her long black kefta, which was embroidered with mainly gold threads but with silver accents, a perfect set with his.

Her dress underneath was silk and paper-thin — coincidently, it was one of his favourites. From the cold air, her hardened nipples grazed against the soft fabric before she bent down to kick off her shoes.

He was mesmerized by the scene in front of him. Something about her was so dismantling in the most beautiful — tragic way. Her personality, the way she spoke, the ability to command an entire room… The way he loved her, it was all powering and consuming.

He recalls the first time he’d ever seen her, back in that dinghy tent years ago. To the Darkling — the Black Heretic — to Aleksander, the end was soon when he was by her side.

Aleksander grins, walking up behind her as he fiddles with the strap of her dress before his hands wrapped around her torso, bringing her close to his chest. He watched her smile in the vanity’s mirror and the happy squeal made him feel electric.

Despite what people thought, he — the Shadow Summoner, the leader of the Second Army — domineering, deadly and cunning, Aleksander was not the one with control in their relationship; it was her. He was at her mercy.

If she asked, he would gladly watch the world disintegrate into dust if it made her happy. Damn the consqeuences.

Y/N made him fall to his knees; and in any way she wanted, he would live to serve and honour her, letting her shine brightly.

He continued to pepper a few chaste kisses to her shoulder blade, his head falling into the crook of her neck, breathing in deeply.

A smile so bright formed on his lips, rare, large, but nothing short of alluring. Y/N thought to herself, as she watched him in the mirror, that perhaps he was the one that could summon light, not her.

There was a certain soft playfulness to Aleksander that he rarely revealed when they're alone, it even took him a few years for that side to be shown to her.

She turns around, looking up to him with so much love that it made a solace spread through him like a warm bath. He felt his skin set ablaze, alive and hopeful. She would never truly understand how much he craved for her — how he yeared for every touch, every smile, every rant, every giggle.

All he ever wanted was her.

He never considered himself a Starless Saint, not when he had her.

“I love you,” she whispered as his forehead pressed against hers. The blooming feeling in both of their chest was so intense, basking in their eternal glory.

A hand filled with chunky silver rings runs up and down her shoulders before settling on the base of her back. Aleksander innocently wanted to spend a beautiful, comforting moment with his lover, but she seemingly had other plans. Y/N’s lips ghosted just below his jaw, which sent shivers down his spine and caused him to smirk down; she knew exactly how to rile him up.

He pulled back, his eyes were lidded and dangerously dark as he towered over her, his chest pressed against hers as his head tilted. His eyes were the colour of moonlit ice, glinting with silver steel, shining like glass with mysterious mirth.

He eyed her like a predator to its prey, a lost traveller eyeing a found oasis.

Sometimes, it amazed Y/N how he could effortlessly signal that she was his without even having to lift a finger.

A hand went to the side of her face, tilting her head upwards as their lips pressed together in a searing kiss. It started with soft pecks, which had each other giggling in between before they progressively got more aggressive. The sweet, softness of her lips beckons him more and more, putting him into a trance.

“Jump,” he said. His hands went around her protectively as she wrapped her legs around his waist, placing her onto the vanity.

“I love you too,” he murmured against her skin as his lips trailed down from her mouth to the base of her neck. He’s quick to tighten his grasp on the back of her dress, bunching up the taut fabric which left more of her skin exposed to the biting chill. Yes, wanting her left him weak, exposed to the next bastard who so much as dared look at her the wrong way. But in almost inexplicable ways, she made him stronger than before. She made him feel understood — alive, like pure light — able to heal and bless.

He’s waited over four hundred years for her and it was worth it. She taught him more than he had learned within those lonely years.

“Moya zvezda,” he breathed. His next words were almost lethal, mocking. His index finger found a place under her chin, forcing her to look up at him as his hand trailed dangerously close to her core that had been slowly building up in arousal. His hand rubbed her inner thigh, temptation laced his voice. “Tell me what you want.”

“You, Aleksander,” she whimpered out, “Always you.”

When faith flickered out, she would be there by his side.

His lips crashed onto hers. Impatiently, he wiggled her out of her dress, her breast popping out. A hand went to cup one, fondling it in a massage, almost therapeutically before he rolled the bud in between his fingers, giving it a sharp tug that left her gasping.

Soon, he tilted her backwards slightly so his lips could latch onto her nipple. His tongue swirled in light circles, watching as her mouth gaped open and her hands woven in his hair. So responsive already and he hardly touched her.

After a particular tug, her lips parted with a quiet cry that made him get drunk off the sound. He felt his cock twitch in his pants, his erection straining in want.

His hand takes hers, so soft and small in his, as he guides her to touch his bulge. He rocks into her hand, “Look what you do to me,” he whispers dangerously. The apples of Aleksander’s cheeks were stained with a light tint that caused a beautiful flush.

“Please,” Y/N’s voice whines out.

“Please what?” His fingers ghost over her clothed clit. Even he’d been losing patience. His face is just millimetres from her face, his lips red and swollen from the kissing.

“Can you please touch me?” Her voice came out strangled, pleading almost.

“Anything you please, my Sun Summoner.” Aleksander’s voice is ragged, out of control. His hand slips under her knickers; fingers outline her outer labia with feather-light touches. Using his middle finger, he traces up her slit before rubbing tender circular and vertical motions on her clit. She was already so wet, eager to please and lose herself to the pleasure.

Y/N’s eyes shut her eyes as he continued his torment, sending waves of ecstasy through her. Swiftly, Aleksander brought his mouth up to hers and moaned into it.

His fingers find their way back to her nipples, his thumb tracing the bud before a finger slips into her, stretching her out before sliding in another. They curl upwards in a firm thrust; his cold rings adding an extra added pleasure, the sensation tickled and contrasted with how hot she felt.

The building pressure collecting in her lower abdomen released as she came in small, hot waves. Aleksander doesn’t stop his menstruation as he helps her through her ride. If anything, he picks up his pace on her swollen clit and chuckles as he watches her struggle to open her eyes.

Then he pulls away and she frowns at the lack of touch. Her chest heaves while Aleksander has to take a moment to calm down. His heart thumps wildly in his chest, his mind clouded with the most lustful thoughts as he stared hungrily at her.

Aleksander was a man of great patience and restraint, however, he’d never have been so restless in his life as he grazed her feverish skin. His body ached with need, uncontrollable desire and he wondered if he could die from the sheer, uncomfortable need of her.

Her lips licked in anticipation knowing that the night had only just begun.

〚 Next Chapter 〛

y'all this is so good

the allure of darkness | the darkling

The line between good and bad has blurred for her. Her every thought now is him; his gentle touch and hungry kiss, his whispered confessions in the dark. All she can think about is the both of them, stronger and more powerful than anything together.

word count: 4k

pairing: The Darkling x Sun Summoner!female reader

warnings: NSFW 18+ content, fxm unprotected sex, slight sub/dom dynamics (sub!reader), use of his real name, mentions of food and alcohol

a/n: honestly, just a couple of *lovesick* idiots getting down and dirty with a corruption arc for the reader, because what is hotter than being evil together? absolutely nothing. also, I have to say: I’m not excusing his actions, but this is *fiction* (and I do have a soft spot for the villains) so I had a bit of fun letting my mind run free with this. it’s all in good fun. p.s. this is on ao3 as a darklina fic if you’d rather read that!

Keep reading

BESTIES THIS IS TOO MUCHHH 😫

𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐦𝐢𝐧𝐞 || 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐫𝐤𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠

pairing: the darkling / aleksander morozova x fem!reader

word count: 1.5k

warnings: SMUT, vaginal sex, unprotected sex, oral (fem recieving), dom!darkling, spanking, pain kink, hair pulling, doggy, explicit language

summary: He leaned closer to you, his lips mere millimeters from yours. “You’re mine, y/n, mine. And nobody’s else’s.”

A sweet giggle left your mouth at something the inferni in front of you said; a dumb, yet entertaining story that you’d been listening to for fifteen minutes straight. Truth be told, you didn’t have the slightest idea of who the man in front of you was, but he surely made your evening a little bit more pleasant, after Aleksander had to go to some kind of “top secret Grisha meeting” and left you alone in the ballroom.

He was supposed to accompany you and make this a great night for both of you, yet, as he always said, “duty called” and he needed to leave. Therefore, you’d made yourself busy talking to people you barely knew, completely oblivious to the fact that your lover had already entered the scene; his eyes staring daggers at you and your new acquaintance, and his hands clutching a glass of wine so tightly, that he almost crushed it.

His jaw clenched and he was sure he’d explode if he stood there for a minute longer, so with a steady pace, he marched over to where you stood; his head high and a confident expression on his face.

“Hello, y/n,” he spoke sedately and coolly, no anger laced in his voice, but as your eyes locked on his, you saw a burning fire of fury in them. “Having fun, I see”

You were about to respond when you felt his hand on your shoulder; not a harsh grip, yet it radiated undoubted power as he pulled you closer to him. The inferni politely averted his gaze, looking in another direction in fear of disrespecting the dark general as Aleksander turned to whisper to you; his teeth grazing your ear.

“You’ve been a very naughty girl tonight, y/n.”

You would’ve lied if you said his words didn’t affect you; actually, his actions shouldn’t have made the wetness between your legs grow as much as it did. Almost in a trance, you let him grab your hand, leading you away from the party; his destination undoubtedly his chambers.

He paid none of the other people any attention, solely focused on opening the door to his room and pushing you inside, before locking the door. It didn’t take him long to grab you by your wrists and push you against a wall, his visibly erected cock lightly pressing against your inner thigh.

“What was that, huh? You thought you could just flirt with a random stranger while I was gone? You thought it was cute to act like a little slut all night?” he leaned closer to you, his lips mere millimeters from yours. “You’re mine, y/n, mine. And nobody’s else’s.”

Before you got the chance to reply, he crashed his lips onto yours, kissing you hungrily and his hands moved to your shoulders. He pushed you in the direction of his bed, biting your lower lip in the process and earning a small moan from you. With a rough movement, he tore off your dress and ripped off one of the straps.

Not that you cared. How could you, when his dark eyes were staring at you with so much passion, his hands working to undress you completely. When you were naked, vulnerable in front of him, he pushed you down on the bed, crawling on top of you with almost a mocking smile, his eyes scanning your body hungrily.

Slowly, Aleksander put his hand up to cup your cheek, tilting his head to the side with a pout. “So beautiful,” he whispered, yet again not failing to make your pussy throb with excitement.

You gasped as the heat of his finger was replaced with cold from his ring touching you, and he smirked at your reaction, dragging the ring painfully slow over your sensitive skin, bringing it down to your neck and pressing down slightly. A hiss left your mouth at the sensation and you closed your eyes, ravishing at the moment.

“Oh, Aleksander,” You breathed when the ring moved downwards, a stripe of coldness on your naked body as his hand made its way down to your breasts, the coolness of his ring mixed with his soft touch making your eyes roll to the back of your head.

He smirked at your reactions to his touch and he ran the ring over your nipples, slowly and calmly, yet making your breath shaky. You felt the strong throbbing between your legs grow by the second, becoming almost unbearable. As you pressed your legs together, Aleksander sent you a smile, bringing the metal ring lower and lower, until he arrived at your lower stomach.

With his hand steady, he moved the ring to your inner thigh, sending a shiver through your body and you left out a shaky breath, grabbing the sheets beside you. The chilling metal was now touching your clit and when he drew a line with it, ever so slightly touching your wetness, you let out an unholy sound; your hips bucked upwards to meet the ring and you yet again moaned at the friction.

“Aleksander, please”

“Please what? Tell me what you want, my star” his tone was confident, mocking, almost, as he spoke.

“Please touch me” you begged him, sending him the most desperate look you could muster, and he smiled at the power you were granting him.

With a chuckle, he pried your legs open, his head centimeters from where you wanted him most. His eyes looked up at you hungrily, before he dived between your legs, his tongue licking a stripe up your cunt. You gasped loudly at the feeling, your hands easily finding their way to his hair and pulling him closer.

You felt his tongue enter you slowly, causing your back to arch and a moan leaving your mouth. It felt like heaven, his mouth working wonders on your pussy, tongue entering and exiting your cunt at a steady pace. Aleksander knew exactly what place to touch, where to be gentle, where to go harsh. His fingers rubbed circles on your clit while he licked you; bringing you closer to the edge with every move.

You were so close; your cunt clenching around his tongue as he touched you, your legs starting to shake, and a feeling of hot ecstasy spreading itself throughout your body. It felt like pure bliss, and you were ready to reach your high, but suddenly Aleksander’s touch disappeared, leaving you hot, bothered, and confused.

“Wha-“

“Patience, my beautiful star,” He spoke with a smile. “Have patience”

You watched him from below as he took off his shirt, then his trousers and underwear, admiring his toned chest and hard member that he stroked a couple of times, before hovering over you again and pressing a chaste kiss to your lips. You could taste yourself on his tongue; a mixture of delight and titillation filled your senses.

“Turn around,” Aleksander mumbled between kisses, and you obeyed, breaking the kiss and rolling onto your stomach.

Aleksander’s strong hands grasped your hips, pulling them upwards so you were on all fours and you let out a moan when he pressed his hard cock against your butt. Satisfied with your reaction, he let his hand roughly come in contact with your ass, the spank causing immense rapture to surge through your veins.

You opened your mouth to say something, but before you could utter a word, Aleksander pushed into you from behind, his grip on your hips tightening and sensing waves of pain mixed with bliss throughout your whole body. His ring, which was on his right hand, would probably leave marks on your skin, but truth be told, you didn’t really mind.

He pounded into you at a fast pace, his cock stretching your walls and hitting your favorite spot with each thrust. It was pure euphoria that you felt in that moment, heaven at its finest. As you closed your eyes in pleasure, ravishing in the feeling of him filling you up, Aleksander grabbed a fistful of your hair, pulling your head back and adding onto your enjoyment.

“Look at you, my star” he breathed as he thrust into you harder. “Taking m’cock so well”

His words worked like an amplifier, strengthening your pleasure as well as his and you clenched around his cock, earning a loud groan from him. His metal ring dug harder into your flesh, maybe even cutting through your skin, but all you felt was unexplainable amounts of ecstasy running through your veins.

With a rough thrust, he pushed you over the edge, finally allowing you to reach your orgasm. A loud moan escaped your mouth as you and Aleksander came at the same time, his seed filling up and his thrusts became sloppier and softer. The bliss of reaching your high washed over you in a wave, causing your whole body to shake.

He pulled out of you, exhausted and panting, just like you, and the two of you collapsed on the bed, falling onto the expensive sheets. Your hot body shivered when Aleksander’s ring yet again came in contact with your skin, this time caressing your lips as he lay on your left, his eyes gazing deeply into yours.

“You’re mine, darling,” he mumbled. “Remember that.”

Shadow and Bone: @myalupinblack @maggiescarborough @rafaelina-casillas @inureflower @miss-starkov @vintagebitc @thefandomplace @canibeoneofthepogues