Best Wife

Best Wife

“Gwen is the best at everything, isn’t she?” Merlin remarked as they walked together. “Best seamstress, best friend, best queen…”

“Best wife,” Arthur added fervently.

Merlin hummed at that and made an ambivalent gesture, just to be difficult. He then had to bite his lip to hold back the laugh that bubbled up in his throat at the king’s indignant expression.

Guinevere, of course, caught the glittering amusement in his eye right away. She put on a tone of exaggerated injury as she demanded, “Merlin, you don’t think I’m the best wife?”

Merlin shot her a well-constructed grimace of guilt and sympathy. “Well, I mean, every man has got to be biased in favor of his own wife, hasn’t he?”

“You don’t have a wife, Merlin,” Arthur informed him with a scowl.

Merlin shrugged, unaffected by the pronouncement. “I might do.”

“No, you don’t—”

Just then, Merlin caught sight of Lancelot coming down the hallway. His eyes lit up. “Lance!”

The knight looked towards the sound and, noticing the trio, waved in greeting.

“I need you to settle a matter for me,” Merlin told him, the picture of earnestness. When Lancelot nodded, he asked, “Who has the best wife: me or Arthur?”

To the king’s immense shock, a stricken look crossed Lancelot’s face.

“You want me to choose?!” he demanded almost shrilly, and if it was an act, it was the most flawless performance in the five kingdoms, because his voice even cracked on the question.

Merlin’s gaze softened at once. “No, no, if it’s too difficult to say, I won’t make you. Don’t worry your pretty little head about it.”

Lancelot looked like a man granted a reprieve from execution— an absolutely ridiculous response to an already baffling conversation. Then, with a short nod of farewell, he hurried off down the hallway as if fearing Merlin might change his mind.

Both Arthur and Gwen stared after his retreating back for a long moment before slowly turning those stares back on Merlin.

“Do you have a wife?” the queen asked, incredulous.

Merlin only shrugged again and repeated with a small, mischievous grin: “I might do.”

Teacher: So, Eli, tell us about your parents, what do they do?

Eli: *thinks about his millionaire werewolf dad who turns into an actual wolf*

Eli: *thinks about his spark-witch dad who specializes in supernatural crime*

Eli: My dad's a mechanic.

THE GLORY OF Moon-Moon

ALL HAIL MOON-MOON!

where I needed you, and I need you still

Mieko Kawakami, Heaven/ Terry Pratchett, Thief of Time

Barty *trying to get reg to agree to a party*: c'mon its not that bad! Alot of people you know will be there

Reg: Is this supposed to be convincing me???

Barty: Why don't you just think on it? I'll count you on the list for now and let you rumminate on it-

Reg: there's nothing to think about, there's no chance in merlins balls that I would ever agree to such a ludicrous, atrocious, and quite frankly disgusting social gathering-

Barty: Potter will be there.

Reg: And so will I.