As Much As I Love Linguistic Analysis Of Tumblr And Internet Language Patterns, It Gives Me The Twitch

http://iquitelikeditactually.tumblr.com/post/69993518307/isozyme-as-much-as-i-love-linguistic-analysis

As much as I love linguistic analysis of tumblr and internet language patterns, it gives me the twitch when people call it a new dialect.

I’ve always understood it as more of a register. Wikipedia defines register as “a variety of a language used for a particular purpose or in a...

cute things to call your girlfriend:

sugar

honey

flour

egg

salt

Ok tumblr, I know the power of the internet so just hear me out right quick as I ask for a simple favor. See those cereal boxes up there? If you buy any Kellogg’s product with that Free Book logo on it there is a 16 digit code inside your box of cereal. Now, when you get three of those codes together you submit them online and they will send you a free Scholastic book. Now I’m sure you’re wondering why I’m bringing it up, so here goes.

I teach first grade at a school where the kids have little to nothing. Through generous donations (government, three square, various community partners, etc.) the kids get backpacks, clothes, shoes, free breakfast/lunch, and some school supplies. The school is not in the best part of town. I’ve had students who live with grandparents because their own parents are in jail, kids who have parents that don’t have custody over them for various reasons, and so on and so forth. Now I am trying to get my kids to read books, but they literally don’t have any books at home that they can use to practice their reading. Sure they get a library book from the school library but it’s not the same, you know? They don’t own the book, it’s not theirs. 

Here’s where you come in. If you happen to buy one of these specially marked boxes and don’t plan on using the code please send me that code through my ask box. If 60 people on here send me a code I’ll be able to get 20 books, which will easily allow me to get each of my students a brand new book of their own. I used the Fly Guy books above because my kids are currently obsessed with the character and the book has sight words that we’re working on in class. Even if you have no codes, I’d appreciate the signal boost as well.

So, if you happen to get a code please send it my way. I would appreciate it and so would my kids. Heck, if I get 60 codes, that would give me enough to give each of my students a book and I will gladly take a picture to show you how excited they are to get a book. If more codes keep coming, I’ll post up their thank you notes. They’re seven so expect something awesome. Thanks in advance.

Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing.  I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery.

~ Green Eggs and Hamlet 

I think my favorites are the crossed-out ones. ... Crunch poop.

So I got a detention today.

Which is kinda dumb because I’m (mostly) a model student, you know? And get this - Heres what Im in for: I said…*whispers* a swear word in class. 60 minutes of punishment for the phrase: “That’s really shitty.”

So this is how it went down: I’m sitting in math class last hour before break and my teacher hands me a little slip saying that i gotta go see the vice principal. And im thinking, “damn, i thought she forgot about that.” The horrible cuss word was uttered a few days beforehand and, well, i figured she didnt even remember. I walk down there (in my full-body cat kigurumi btw) and mrs. Whatever isnt there. So i mull around and steal a candy cane off the offices mini fake tree (Im already in trouble anyways so gotta go big or go home) until finally, i talk to the desk lady who calls the vice principal down. We walk into the room and start to have a chat about how our high school doesnt tolerate swears bluh bluh etc and that i should find alternatives to cussing. Thats where this picture comes in. This lady just fucking WHIPS this goddamn list out of nowhere and shows it to me in a completely serious manner. “Heres some examples of words you can use when you want to swear.” W H A T.

Goof nugget? Sweet onions? Shooby Darn??? Pokemon??????

And here she is in all seriousness and im trying not to laugh while asking if i can have a photocopy because this is actual comedic GOLD. This sort of phooey doesnt actually happen in real life, right? I mean holy snappin turtles what the frog is this Skikaka? Jumpin Jiminy, Public school is bogus!

if a plant is sad do other plants photosympathize with it?